Ariyike Writes: You Don’t Have To Fake It Till You Make It

Posted on Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 PM

By Ariyike Akinbobola

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.

I saw this a few days ago on Twitter and it resounded so deeply within me. A lot of young people these days are spending money they don’t have to impress people they don’t like, and these people don’t even care what they think.

I had a meeting with a friend sometime last year and she said the popular slang amongst the “supposed” Lagos Big boys nowadays is “fake it till you make it” she went on to explain that a lot of these so called big boys are driving big cars they can’t even afford. Some are constantly avoiding the car dealers because they are owing huge amounts of money. Others are owing their landlords money all in the name of “I must show them I’m a big boy, I must drive a Range Rover, I must live on the Island”. You find that this calibre of persons are very arrogant and they act as if they are the richest in the world when they really don’t have anything.

While talking about this issue, I asked this question “what if you keep faking it and buying cars, clothes etc on credit and you never make it, what next?” And no one seemed to have an answer to my question. I guess for those who don’t make it, they’ll probably go back to the village or they’ll end up like those people who are constantly telling everyone they meet about how they once had money. If people are going to like you, they would like you whether or not you have all the things you claim to have. People need to realise that sometimes, someone may be willing to help you with a job or business opportunity but because you’ve already potrayed an image of having “too much”, they’ll probably think you don’t need any help and ofcourse they wouldn’t consider you for the opportunity. Why die in silence when you can actually let those around you know the true situation of things concerning you?

It’s really sad to see that very few people want to work hard and they believe it’s easy to make money. If you ask the real millionaires/billionaires if they just slept, woke up and found millions/billions in their bank accounts, they’ll definitely tell you some shocking stories about how they hustled. A lot of our parents have shared their success stories with us and we all know it wasn’t easy for them but at the end of the day, they stayed true to what they believed in and they finally made it.

I’m truly inspired by the true hard workers in our society.  I had the privilege of doing my N.Y.S.C in Dangote Industries  and the experience made me realise how hardworking some rich people are. As wealthy as Alhaji Aliko Dangote is, as long as he’s in the country, he goes to work everyday and he gets to work early. One would think such a man would spend his time lavishing his money around but trust me, he’s very humble and extremely hard working, that’s the’s the richest man in Africa. If someone like that, with all he has, is still striving to do more, then why can’t you work hard?

When I’m in London, I’m impressed by the talent I see at the tube stations. The man singing while playing his guitar with his hat on the floor, the way he smiles when you drop a one pound coin in his hat makes me smile because I know that one day, his talent would take him to places he never thought he’ll reach. He may record a video, get millions of views on Youtube, get a huge record deal and he may just find himself on the Ellen show. It seems as if we have people like that in our country, but because most of them are too scared and or too lazy to follow their dreams, they resort to other dubious means to make “fast money.” They end up running from pillar to post because they just can’t keep up with the fake lifestyle. Recently, I saw some skater boys distributing flyers to cars driving on the road, I think those boys can start some sort of skating shows where people would pay to come and watch them do some sort of display. As my friend Adams always says – “make your passion your profession so that work would become play” and I added this bit “with plenty pay.”

My friend Yemi always says this “No matter how slow you go, so long as you don’t stop, you’ll get there.”  People who are passionate about what they do, who would stop at nothing to make sure they get to where they are going, are the ones who make you realise that your dreams can actually come true. Don’t let your environment, tribe, gender, age or religion limit you. Ozzybosco , the 6year old Nigerian singing and dancing sensation that performed at the Lagos Crossover Countdown concert on the 31st of December , 2012 wowed the audience with his performance. That night, I saw his mum smiling backstage, I’m sure she was extremely proud of his performance.

If Psy all the way from South Korea can make you all scream, jump and dance just like him when you hear gangnam style, then why can’t you do something to make your own life better? If a young Nigerian fashion designer like Stephanie Okeke of Sally Initiego (who started designing clothes at age 6 could get a thunderous applause last year at the Africa fashion week, London at the age of 16, then you should think again if you’re considering faking it till you make it.

It’s a new year, a year of new beginnings, a year of self discovery. It’s time to put away all the fakeness and embrace the newness of your true self because we are all unique in own different ways.

*****

You’re all invited to the 4th edition of my networking event, the Best of Both Worlds networking event (BOBW) on Wednesday, 23rd of January 2013 at X’Quisite Lounge (Same building as Jade’s Place) 61 Adeola Odeku Street, V.I, Lagos from 6.30-10pm. Come and enjoy a fashion Show by Perola, comedy by Extreme comedy. Music by Pheel, Sewa, Doveman, 17 Voices, lsaac Geralds. Open mic and a 15 minutes talk/networking with a successful Nigerian businessman, Mr. Nicholas Okoye (President/CEO, Anabel Group Inc and Anabel Mobile Limited, He’s also the founder of Anabel Leadership academy/Nigeria Leadership Summit). I’ll also be creating awareness for the Charity Lounge. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ariyike Akinbobola is a trained Lawyer turned TV Presenter/Producer at Spice TV, a fashion and lifestyle channel. She studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to the Nigerian bar in 2006.With a diploma in T.V presenting from the prestigious London Academy of Media, film and T.V. She also organises a monthly event every first Wednesday of the month called “Best of Both Worlds” networking cocktail party. She’s married and blessed with children. Follow her on twitter@LadyAriyike to find out more.

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  • 50 Comments on “Ariyike Writes: You Don’t Have To Fake It Till You Make It”

    Comments
    • neon January 22, 2013 at 3:17 PM

      as i like to say… lagos is full of 419s and crooks (also know as lagos big boys) in borrowed cars and borrowed clothes.

      • dede January 23, 2013 at 7:18 PM

        And Lagos big girls….borrowing an outfit for the night, sleeping with men for brazilian hair, ipads and blackberry’s, cars…..Lagos is Poserville.

    • Angie January 22, 2013 at 3:24 PM

      Am truely inspired by this message.

    • Sonia January 22, 2013 at 3:27 PM

      It’s a good article. I’m sure many will use this as their opportunity to vent and classify all rich people on BN and other blogs as fakers… Let the opportunists comments roll in…

    • princess January 22, 2013 at 3:28 PM

      I can totally relate to this. Too many young people find themselves too busy trying to keep up with the ‘who’s who’ that they end up compromising themselves and sanity. Kind of reminds me of the saying ‘a fool and his money are bound to part’…

    • nnenne January 22, 2013 at 3:33 PM

      nice one there. but i seems to have a challenge. i haven’t been able to figur out what i’m particularly good at. feels like i’m just average on everything. i really want to start doing sth on my own, tired of my job and the meagre salary that comes with it. i have to work on saturdays too which makes it uber annoying. Father Lord, hear me and reaveal to me my innate abilties. i want to leave my footprints in the sands of time before i go to the world beyond.

      • Queenhannah February 9, 2013 at 6:23 AM

        There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting off as average Nnenne. I think this is exactly the point the article tries to make. You actually in a good place in that you know that you what you’re good at(or average at in your own words). Everyone has that one or two or more things we can do but not quiet well. Find or create little opportunities for yourself to hone those “average” skills and the more you apply them, the more experience you’ll acquire and the better you’ll get. You don’t become an expert overnight however, you have everything it takes already inside of you to become an expert in no time. Start small, be persistent, experiment, be patient with yourself and you’ll see the magic at the end. Goodluck girl. I’m rooting for your success

    • nnenne January 22, 2013 at 3:33 PM

      *seem* not seems

    • fashionandstylepolice January 22, 2013 at 3:37 PM

      Word. Nicely said.

    • Traditionalbay January 22, 2013 at 3:47 PM

      I know and have a close relation whose lifestyle is FAKE!. he left Abuja for dubious acts and currently now in IB. he sleeps with girls and drives them around in exotic cars only to pretend to have a small problem. these girls can go to any length to give him money. after a while he dumps and starts with another. he is in trade debtsssssssssssssss! he tells people his father is a retired military officer (the old man is a security somewhere in Lagos). Ladies loves them big. so that what they get in return. SMH

    • Show some love January 22, 2013 at 3:53 PM

      at Nnenne go onto Moyo Mamoras blog, it will inspire to find your unique purpose. Also buy Rick Warrens book “Purpose Driven Life” and Erik Rees ‘SHAPE@ Finding and Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for life audio cd

    • Show some love January 22, 2013 at 3:53 PM

      Weldone Ariyike. Nice article

    • anonymous January 22, 2013 at 4:03 PM

      my own understanding of “fake it till you feel it” is faking you like someone who’s totally annoying and you would give anything to just totally ignore but then you REALLY have to show some concern and act like you like her just so peace can reign- e.g mom-inlaw. my dear, u’ll have to fake it till you feel o, that’s if you eventually feel it.

      • nwanyi na aga aga January 22, 2013 at 5:54 PM

        Lol! You dont have to fake you like her, you can just be civil and polite.Thats enough

    • pynk January 22, 2013 at 4:05 PM

      very true. Self realisation is the first step to actualisation. Understanding your core as a human being is the key to gaining direction and striving towards an end goal. This keeps you on your track and motivates you.
      The issue with the fake it till you make it- people misconstrue it. Its like saying positive thoughts towards your end goal and on your journey to that end goal. It doesnt mean buy stuff you can ill afford.
      Personally i have identified that the most significant things in my life arent material – i learnt this at a relatively early age – about 23. No amount of designer stuff makes me feel any better about myself. Its a temporary high that is quick to fade. I am big on investments that yield returns and i dont sepnd my time considering what others think of me. Life is a lot easier and more productive when you think about you happiness and that only.

    • Priscy January 22, 2013 at 4:05 PM

      great piece…thx 4 this

    • Anonymous January 22, 2013 at 4:21 PM

      This article is EVERYTHING I was in Nigeria this december and I learned that to live in that country (lagos in particular), you either have to learn to be content or join the fakers and many choose the latter. Truth of the matter is none of them want to suffer but everyone wants to spend. as my mum will say “O jiya o ni pe o gbon tani teacher e” Its super sad because we go out we see these things the girls who fall fall hard and then have all kinds of things to say about these boy when in all honesty, you’re both cut from the same cloth the girls are looking to upgrade and want made men and the guys are also looking to upgrade but you can’t reap where you didn’t sow. Nothing wrong with having nice things if you can honestly afford them but please please please don’t go broke trying to look rich. there is time for everything.

    • anonymous January 22, 2013 at 4:44 PM

      Nice on there Ariyike,exactly what i tell myself when negative thoughts try to creep in

    • XoXo January 22, 2013 at 5:25 PM

      That Lagos own is baaaaaaaaad, especially on the Island. That place is an alternate universe I swear, and some kind of materialistic spirit that has taken over the place, it is almost diabolical. If you dont live in 9ja, you can sense it. Everyone trying to outdo the other person. All their talk always revolves around money, empty souless talk. nothing to challenge your brain at all, My wallet is bigger than lagbaja’s wallet. Lagbaja’s bag is fake, I know because I bought the real one in Dubai. This one is sleeping with that one, this one’s sugar daddy is that one. I was home a few months ago too, and geez, I just kept saying, are these people ok at all, can they just stop for a minute and take a good look at themselves. The socialites in London, New York, LA and co, those that have real money gan gan, dont act like this. The vulgarity of the nouveau riche even the fake ones is truly disgusting. Funny part was, they thought they could oppress me, telling me how much they earn, where they party at, what they spend on this, that we in the UK are just doing sufferhead for nothing, paying tax this, doing 9 – 5 jobs, 9ja is where it is happening, forget that your life in the UK. I wanted to start telling them, Errrr, hello, I work for a Global company, I mean Global, even dead people know the name of the company, oya where do u work jare. I am making an impact in my career. 5 years down the line, I can see and know what I would have achieved. I converted their so called salaries (which nigerians have a habit of over inflating) to pounds and hissed. I paid for my own also brand new car outright. It may not be a massive fuel guzzler, but I live in the UK, which road you want drive big car. If only we had the same mentality in Nigeria, you drive big cars on shitty roads. I own my own 2bed flat, which i got on a mortgage, in about a year after my first job, you guys are paying ridiculous sums for rents, you probably cant afford, years after, you are still paying rent, your mates are home owners abroad. What sort of sorry life is that? Are you guys for real?????, and that is the life I should envy, and make plans to relocate to 9ja for. No thank you. I was too happy to leave and return to my sanity in Iya Charlie land, where I dont have to prove anything to anyone. This year, when i go to Lagos, i’m steering clear of the Island. The nonsense air they breathe there, hasn’t filtered across the 3rd mainland bridge yet. The people there are still real to an extent.

      • Non professional opinion January 22, 2013 at 6:54 PM

        I wasn’t home this Xmas but its good to know nothing has changed lol.
        A lot of our people are suffering from arrested development in many facets of their lives and trying to hide it behind bravado and bad attitudes. That being said if you avoid the “socials” there are real people doing real things who are worth seeking out.

      • Ada Owerri January 22, 2013 at 11:27 PM

        Lol @ the suffer head part. I remember an aunt of mine who went Nigeria a few years back. So she went dinner with some old friends and when she attempt to pay a part of the dinner bill, she was told to keep her ‘overtime’ money. Lol. I was like ‘was there any need for that?’ Funny enough she’s a contracting accountant, but one without any airs and graces. She said she just put her money back into her pocket. Lol

        • R January 23, 2013 at 3:35 AM

          Wow

    • Godswill January 22, 2013 at 5:43 PM

      He who has ears let him/her hear. Fakingit is not going to take you anywhere

    • Veronica January 22, 2013 at 5:50 PM

      Nice piece. You need to have your head properly screwed on, especially in Lagos. There’s so much materialism it’s easy to get caught up! One has to have deeply rooted values and stick to them, otherwise you’ll fall for anything.
      Well done Ariyike!

      veronicaaesthetica.blogspot.com

      • Simya January 23, 2013 at 9:20 PM

        THIS!!!1

    • Funkky January 22, 2013 at 6:36 PM

      This article is DA TRUTH!! I think Nicki Minaj said it best in her song Freedom * clean version* ” These ppl are fake and their opportunists, they spend their last dime to say they copped the soonest! Why these ppl going broke to get your approval??? Pretty soon they’ll be back up on dem ramen noodles” Lmao!!!!

    • Tomasina January 22, 2013 at 7:50 PM

      Phrases you never use on the island:

      1. i can’t afford it
      2. it’s too expensive
      3. I bought it on sale
      4. I’m not travelling this summer
      5. I’m saving for it
      6. I borrowed it
      7. It’s Yaki Gold
      8. I came in a taxi
      9. I went to Uni. Jos
      10. I’ve never been to London

      • Janey January 25, 2013 at 9:07 AM

        i can so relate to ur i have never been to london! trust my so called frds to always laff at me. * a big gal like u has been been to london* there are other countries to visit not necessarilly uk

    • Truth hurts January 22, 2013 at 8:30 PM

      Just like some female i know who uttered the other day, any man i marry, must live on the island. I don’t know which was funnier: the fact that she grew up in some middle class apartment in the south south with trader parents, or the fact that she tries to form ‘aje-butter’ but it just won’t jel. like i say ” you can’t buy class honey” just be yourself. there’s nothing wrong in wanting better, like renting a one room apartment on the island, even isaleeko na island. just check out how effortless the really money makers are.

    • Lola January 22, 2013 at 8:30 PM

      @Tomasina….LMAO. You are absolutely correct

    • Ada January 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM

      There is a lot of truth here.

      adainprogress.blogspot.com

    • Dimeji January 23, 2013 at 5:18 AM

      Ariyike, thank you for this thought provoking piece. However, without holding brief for the fakers; in a country where “appearance” rather than “generation” of wealth has become a social force, citizens are bound to be cynical about doing the right things to make money. A situation where young lads belief the country is so corrupt that one cannot succeed by being principled and compliant with due process will evolve fakers and very, very, few hardworkers.
      We all know how dangote started- however how favourable government policies were/are to him- with about 500k loan he got from his uncle. Can that be said of the overnight billionaire politicians, Pastorpreneurs and millionaire actresses, among others? The fakers have their role models (subsidy thieves, oil bunkerers, kidnappers, high-level runz babes, 419 kingpins- even people over 60 still engage in this shenanigans, Bank CEOs who cooked their account books- with just 1 or 2 convictions that wasnt commensurate with the crime committed etc). Changing this mindset will be revolutionary. It will be the true transformatiion that can take Nigeria out of this present mess our leaders and elders have put us. Two things are needed to change such orientation. The first is incentive: rewarding those who follow the right path of due process by not making them have any iota of regret or doubt for doing the right things. The second is punishing defaulters- no matter how highly placed. If young people see those who steal go to jail,it will serve as a deterent. People will think twice about how they want to “hammer”.
      As long as their is free money in the system with a culture of impunity, am afraid fakers will be on the increase- as they have reasons they too shall hammer in due time- while hardworkers will decrease everyday- as they see their lazy and dumb friends driving range and renting a flat in lekki phase 1.
      We need inspiring leadership who can transform the orientation of the average Nigerian youth. How do we get such leadership with the present way leaders are forced on us? We need to get that process right first of all. Good parenting too can change some of these mindset (but some of this runz girls and yahoo boys are from good homes anyway).
      God help Naija!

    • prince emenike January 23, 2013 at 9:59 AM

      is a nice one

    • nita January 23, 2013 at 3:10 PM

      Well written…I tot I was d only one dt observed d ‘Island fakeness’. I lived on d Island 4 one year and could nt mk real friends bcos if u don’t ‘fake it’, u r not likely to measure up in their opinion…who cares abt their opinion anyway? As deltans will say ‘life na per head’ lol

    • Simya January 23, 2013 at 9:23 PM

      God Bless you Ariyike for this…I am really inspired

    • Siji January 24, 2013 at 5:05 PM

      A very interesting article. Ariyike, I am really proud of you.

    • kaffy January 24, 2013 at 5:48 PM

      This is amazing ricky I can completely relate to dis! Been in 9ja for 3yrs now after 16yrs away nd m still struggling. Struggling because m being overlooked for not havin a nice car, best hair , best clothes etc. All I have is my accent! Is dat right! Nd d moment I start talkin d opportunities become endless! Is dat right? Wat a fukin useless fake country. I’d rather dust my passport and move bak to london! Even men take one look at u nd judge u! One punk askd me why I didn’t have a brazillian weave and I was completely appauled!Another guy called me all sorts cos I wanted to go dutch after a meal at his favourite restaurant! He asked me if I thot I was richer than him! I was in SHOCk! 9ja people not Lagos r FAKE! Dey love d fake life! Aint attacking nobody personally but boy u don’t kno wat I been thru! I grew up not caring wat anyone thot of me, I’d use very cheap hair nd be admired for it, buy clothes from the market nd be praised or copied bare in mind that m aslo the same chick who will buy bags from selfridges in london, topshop, riverisland, reiss I mixed it all well, my friends loved my style they were REAL but Hell nooooo 9ja peoplle will say EWWW dat is soo RAZZ! Imagine! Anyways look out for me M RONKE RENE AHMED ure gonna hear from me pretty soon! I aint mad m jus goin thru it nd I would love to educate others on how to manage this absolutely LUdicrous society we live in! I am still struggling but I am doin my best to get back on d wagon. I am in a private university in cotonou, I manage my family store in lagos nd I SURVIVE. After school ill get out there nd hopefully use my brains not my ACCENT to get wat I want! God bless u Rikky for this piece God bless u always! Amin Insha Allah

    • kaffy January 24, 2013 at 5:53 PM

      Ignore the typo my bb is nuts! Loool

    • kaffy January 24, 2013 at 5:56 PM

      U r absolutelyy correct

    • A proud fan of Ariike January 24, 2013 at 6:09 PM

      I am truely touched with this article and I am very very proud of Ariike .. Like I always say this lagos is a land of differnt ayag .. And the new slogan of Lagos is Do your Best and package the rest.. But the problem is most Lagos Big boys as they are called only do 5percent best and package 95percent. Once again thanks ariike for sharing this you have just touched lives I hope our so called lagos big boys will read this and comment

    • poshy January 24, 2013 at 6:56 PM

      Nice one girl! naijainfotainment.com

    • Lami January 24, 2013 at 7:29 PM

      Really inspiring article, I like young people that are hardworking and justvtake control of their lives

    • Abbaty January 24, 2013 at 8:33 PM

      Self determination is the bedrock of success, as no task is impossible as long as human endeavor and courage are merged. Indeed your article is a wake up call for the contemporary youth. Congrats Ariyike.

    • Fravian January 24, 2013 at 11:17 PM

      Afta readin Ð article n aℓℓ comments, I av jst oϞε question. A̶̲̥̅♏ in2 event deco n mgt, I also consult 4 fwends wu r abt 2get married on dier color combo, gowns etc. I also decorate event venue bt Ð challenge A̶̲̥̅♏ avin ΐƨ dis: wen I charge a client let’s say 60k 4an event deco, dey screan n say its too xpensive, dey gve it out 2sme1 cheaper bt @Ð end of Ð dai, Ð cheap person gves dem smetin far below dier taste n a wat-d-hell ΐƨ dis work. Nw I ask maself, I kip turnin dwn clients dt won’t pay ♍e wat I charge cos sincerely Ð money dey wanna pay ΐƨ lyk an insult. The reason y A̶̲̥̅♏ tellin aℓℓ dis wats-our-business story ΐƨ, Ð writer said start little n b4 u knw it, u’ll b anoda dangote. Nw ma question ΐƨ ow do I start little? Shud I accept doz contracts n add ma own money 2gve dem a WOW deco, spend Ð 9yt surfin Ð net n @Ð end of Ð dai, I get paid #0.00k? Pls wat do I do? Event mgt n deco ΐƨ ma passion, ma talent. Ow do I mke it ma profession in oda 2bcome anoda Miss Dangote?

      • Queenhannah February 9, 2013 at 6:43 AM

        Im not a business expert but i hope i can offer a few sensible advise based on my professional background. The good news here is that you at least have clients that are willing to have you work for them and pay something(not the ideal amount, but something nonetheless). I advice that you capitalize on a few of these people and give them your absolute best regardless of the pay, and i’ll tell you why. This of it as marketing for yourself. You probably arent getting paid that much because the clients don’t know what you are capable of doing and you know we Nigerians just think deco is just balloons and ribbons. In this case, select a few clients you feel their event will attract potential customers for you and go all out with your service for them i mean, give them your very best. You want the guests to inquire about you and your service and when they do, feel free to give them a higher yet reasonable price for their event. I guess my point here is, if no body really knows what your work, it’ll be hard to convince them to fork out a large sum. Another option is may be to have several price packages(if you don’t already have them) to give customers some financial options. You can have the premium package with say the basics and a few specialties, the Gold package with some more good stuff and then the platinum package with a lot of goodies. Automatically guess which package(s) will attract the most attention? Customers want to know that you’re not just after their money that you have their best interest at heart. I hope this helps. Good luck, and NEVER GIVE UP!!

    • Tosin Alalade January 26, 2013 at 3:12 AM

      Stay true to yourself, work hard and forget about impressing anyone. Really nice article.

    • la belle January 28, 2013 at 1:40 AM

      I’ve lived on the ”island” all my life. We’re not rich,we’re regular, normal people doing our own thing staying in our lane. I know that Lagos is full of fake people, but it’s like that everywhere. I know it gets annoying but to be honest, just look away and surround yourself with real people like you that share the same values. huffing and puffing over it won’t solve anything. In Kemi Adetiba’s words, it’s Operation Face Ya Front. If there are fake people around you, just ignore it, a lot of them are so because they feel very complexed, pray for them to find who they really are and not be afraid to show it ,or do the easier thing, ignore them. simples.

    • tk January 29, 2013 at 6:53 PM

      GOD bless you for these write up

    • Omotoyosi February 2, 2013 at 5:43 PM

      INSPIRED!

    • FLOW February 7, 2013 at 3:07 PM

      well said Ricks baby…..spot on