What is Delaying Your Ring? 10 Surefire Ways To Get Him to Pop the Question

Posted on Friday, April 26th, 2013 at 11:45 AM

By Patricia

It’s on blackberry messenger display pictures! It’s being posted on Instagram. Girls are getting hitched and flaunting that rock on their finger. Don’t dull in your father’s house and plan other people’s weddings! I am here to help you so you don’t become a last carrier. Do you have a boo? Do you want to be his Mrs? If you are desperate enough, try all ten or maybe a couple of the following suggestions.

Become His Mother’s Best Friend
Why are you spending those lazy Saturday afternoons gossiping with friends and catching up on the latest gist? Why are you following him to Cold Stone for ice-cream? Stop that now! Spend your Saturdays with your potential mum-in law. Go to the market, make her lunch and arrange her closet. That way, he’ll notice the bond between you and her. If he is a mama’s boy, you already have that ring.

Attend Every Family Function
Even if he just mentions it casually or doesn’t invite you, FIND the venue. That favourite aunt of his would notice you and start pestering him to marry you. Don’t forget to dress to kill and buy the Aso-Ebi where applicable.

Cook Your Heart Out.
Don’t waste his money on a buffet at Protea today and Thai food tomorrow. In fact you are wasting your children’s school fees on irrelevant dates. If you’re not able to cook, LEARN! Enroll yourself for catering classes. Furthermore, as our people say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Let Him Win most Arguments
Ladies stop arguing and just accept. Men love nothing more than to have their ego stroked, so massage and polish that ego. Sometimes there could be a particular issue in the relationship that keeps rearing its ugly head. You argue and it makes him less inclined to marry you.

Minimize Your Outings
You are on the path to being Mrs Somebody. Your man can’t propose to you if you are still gallivanting around town with your “girls” going out for drinks, concerts and so on. Hang out with them during the day. If you have to be out at night, make sure it’s in his company or a night vigil. This way, you are adding more yards to your wife material.

Always Look Smashing
There is nothing more that a man likes than his woman looking like a 10. What are you using your salary for? Invest it in your looks.  That’s what attracted him in the first place. If you are into weaves, you can’t slack using cheap synthetic ones; you must go for Brazilian, Peruvian, or Mongolian weaves. If you are team natural, make sure you’ve got it together. Most importantly make sure your nails are perfectly manicured because you never know when he’ll propose.

He Must be Your Plus+One For all Weddings.
Forget that single girlfriend of yours that tags along to weddings with you to fish for men. Take your potential le hubby! This way he’ll get inspired by what he sees. In fact get all your friends to start asking “when is it your turn guys?” You know how that could be annoying. He’ll just get tired of hearing it all the time and he just might pop the Q to shut them up.

Catching The Bouquet.
This is extremely important. At every wedding you attend, you must and I stress MUST catch the bouquet by all means. You can push, pull weaves, punch your competitors or even bribe the bride. Just make sure you go home with the bouquet. If you catch it each time, he’ll think it’s a sign from God.

You Don’t need an 18-carat Diamond Tiffany& co Engagement Ring.
Nowadays, a lot of guys have it in their heads that they need to invest in a center stone and who can blame them? Ladies be content. Be it diamond, ruby, emerald, granite or a piece of Olumo rock. After all ain’t nobody’s “bidness” but yours and your baby! The whole point is to have a ring with a rock. Let your guy know you’d be happy either way. This way, he’ll need less time to save up for a ring.

Buy your wedding dress and deposit for a reception venue!
This is FAITH and the most important of all. The good book says with God all things are possible. You need to believe that he is going to propose so my dear go ahead.

PS: Please don’t sue me if this doesn’t work, I am just trying to lighten things up on a rainy Friday!

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  • 177 Comments on “What is Delaying Your Ring? 10 Surefire Ways To Get Him to Pop the Question”

    Comments
    • Vicki April 26, 2013 at 11:50 AM

      Lol! Love this! Trust me, most of this stuff needs to continue even after you get married!!!

      • Sue April 26, 2013 at 4:58 PM

        i’m afraid after trying these fallacious tips u would be perceived as too desperate

        • ima May 2, 2013 at 10:52 AM

          my exact thought. There is a babe who is acting this script with my brother, i happen to be the mother-in-law here (as we no get mama again n i am closet to my bro) Unfortunately, it is putting my brother off, he feels choked already. Even though i m falling for her, i wont push my brother to date her, it is his decision. so ladies, tread softly….

        • ima May 2, 2013 at 11:16 AM

          my exact thought. There is a babe who is acting this script with my brother, i happen to be the mother-in-law here (as we no get mama again n i am closet to my bro) Unfortunately, it is putting my brother off, he feels choked already. Even though i m falling for her, i wont push my brother to date her, it is his decision to make. so ladies, tread softly….

        • maria July 24, 2013 at 9:22 PM

          i cant stop laughing like seriously my stomach hurts really bad olumo rock really

      • Purpleicious Babe April 26, 2013 at 6:43 PM

        lool… I thought it couldnt be real… surely its a joke.. funny..

        looks like a template for desperation if u follow thru.

        lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

        • Newbie May 6, 2013 at 12:25 AM

          My sentiments exactly. Thank God for the P.S., or I would have asked “you must be kidding me, right?”

      • t April 29, 2013 at 1:53 PM

        Duller! learner! Do all these and if the dude (and his family) wanna dump you, they wouldn’t think twice.
        I hope this write up is all a joke (as suggested in the final statement)

        • Joyce May 6, 2013 at 11:57 PM

          you are married so leave her alone……….

    • Retrochic April 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM

      this patricia chic is crazzzeeeee

    • Hilda April 26, 2013 at 11:52 AM

      I strongly DISAGREE with this “tips”. Just screams DESPERATE!

      • dayo April 26, 2013 at 12:47 PM

        exactly what i was thinking…too much of everything is bad

      • nate April 26, 2013 at 2:43 PM

        you are right Hilda, this is desperation.
        I say be yourself

        • luciano April 26, 2013 at 3:35 PM

          Dint you guys read the part she said “if you r desperate enuf then try the 10 rules”? Life is not too hard abeg

      • SS April 26, 2013 at 5:01 PM

        i totally disagree as well………msheeeeew

      • Sel April 26, 2013 at 5:21 PM

        Do you understand the word ‘sarcasm’?

        • Karonwi April 26, 2013 at 6:17 PM

          I bet people don’t… They’ll just be taking everything seriously. mchewwww

        • Omototun April 29, 2013 at 6:06 AM

          I bet they didn’t read the body of text…..A rock wouldn’t miss the sarcasm!

      • Iris April 27, 2013 at 5:13 PM

        LOL I think that’s the point. She has taken a mocking, tongue-in-cheek approach so it’s obviously not what you’re meant to do (or you can do it if you don’t mind having zero self-respect..to be fair it may actually get you a ring hehe)

      • 'oma April 29, 2013 at 7:53 PM

        Think sarcasm, even a baby could see the article was dripping with it

    • ope April 26, 2013 at 11:54 AM

      I know this is just light fun but even with all this, if a guy doesn’t want to settle down then he wont. The only solution is God.

      • zsa zsa April 27, 2013 at 11:22 PM

        No dear, the only solution is not God. The only solution is to pay attention, if a guy does not want to settle down with you don’t pretend not see the writing on the wall….exit!

        • NINO April 28, 2013 at 4:46 PM

          THATSALL

    • What’s your advice to the unmarried?

      FFK: The most important decision you will ever make in your life is who you marry. Yet there is a misconception about marriage particularly amongst Christians. They say once you are married you cannot be divorced. It’s actually a misconception and a misunderstanding of the scriptures. The best thing is never to marry somebody until you are absolutely sure that’s who God wants you to marry but 90% of people don’t wait for God. They marry for carnal reasons, for monetary reasons or even for lust and it’s a mistake. The bible says “those whom God has put together let no man put asunder” but the mistake we all make is that once people are married we assume that it was God that put them together. It’s not always the correct assumption to make. So where God didn’t put you together there can be a divorce. And where God put you together you will know because the taste of the pudding is in the eating. If you are flowing well together and if you are totally committed to each other no matter what the challenges are, if you still love, you still care, you still forgive, you still touch the life of your husband or wife then you know God put you together and you stand firm, you don’t let anything break it. But in making that choice you need to know you made the right choice. If you made the wrong choice as a young man or young woman to go into marriage it will be the most terrible mistake you can make in your life. It can mar your destiny and destroy you or it can make you as well. The woman you marry, or for women the man you marry, is what will determine how far you will go in life. It’s as simple as that. It’s not something to be taken lightly at all.
      There are some women that are just blessed, that have goodluck. Let me not use the word ‘luck’ especially since it’s the name of our President. It’s not the word to use. Let me strike that out. There are some women that are just blessed of God. That if you are with them, blessings, power, wealth, honor, and progress will come your way. This is very true. There are some women like that and there are some, no matter how beautiful they may be, if you are with them, everything you do will spoil and you will not achieve your destiny. It’s very real. I am a man of experience and I know it’s a very important choice to make. Pray not to end up loving somebody that is somehow accursed or has some bad spirit walking with him or her and that will not allow you to achieve your full potentials in life.
      Some women know that they have that. Their assignment is just to come and destroy. There are some women like that.
      They know that the way to gain favor before the devil that brought them into the world is to go and destroy someone’s destiny. So they go and be with him, sleep with him, marry him and take everything from him. There are some like that. Some know, some don’t know. The choice to be made about marriage is the most important one you will ever make in your life and its always wise to dig deep and pray hard before you make that final decision. Know who it is. Don’t just know them by the flesh. Know them by the spirit. Weigh up the ability of a woman to stand in difficult times because that’s the key. If a woman cannot stand in difficult times then she’s not worthy of being called your wife. Anybody can stand when things are good- the test of a man or woman is how you react when things are bad.

      • shorie April 29, 2013 at 9:13 PM

        K K KEDIKE……

      • ktemi May 1, 2013 at 8:42 PM

        Please do not come on blogs and teach untruths…what you have written re: divorce is totally untrue and not substantiated by the bible. Moses’ law gives permission for divorce but Jesus said that that wasn’t God’s original plan. God’s original plan was for man to leave his father n mother and cleave to his wife and the two becoming one flesh…So if 2 people are becoming one flesh, then they should not divorce. So that is why it is important for people to pray and be sure before they marry cuz once you marry, then that person becomes God’s will for you in marriage because if not, everytime you marry the wrong person, you will divorce the person. what kind of reputation does that give the church of Christ?

        Matt 19
        Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife(D) for any and every reason?”

        4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a](E) 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]?(F) 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

        7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”(G)

        8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”(H)

    • damsel April 26, 2013 at 11:56 AM

      Very funny,you can’t be serious.

      • Just-saying April 29, 2013 at 9:36 AM

        Lol… I think if you’re dating a busy man (professional) in Yankee, these will work. Compared to what I’ve witnessed, this is an easy list.
        Also, I recently discovered that we Naija men (Igbo) love it when a woman spends money on us. Add that to your list.

        • Eve April 30, 2013 at 3:26 AM

          So if the ladies spend money on u? Are u also reciprocating? One person always gets hurt in one-sided relationships. If u r the type that deceive women, pls stop! Meat that u don’t want to eat, don’t use ur teeth to share it.

    • queen linda April 26, 2013 at 11:56 AM

      Such a silly article…not witty, helpul or funny….just desperate…yuck

      • obitalk May 2, 2013 at 12:00 PM

        where’ s your sense of humour, chill out!!!!!!!

    • sem sem April 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM

      hmm the post that links to a blog above. na wa for epistle. the author is obviously joking. nothing is ever that serious. pele o pastor mrs.. iCant

    • V April 26, 2013 at 12:05 PM

      Lmao!! This was funny!
      Thanks for making me laugh today!

    • nnenne April 26, 2013 at 12:06 PM

      in other words, just Pretend!!! thanks but no thanks *rme*. except all these traits are inherent in the lady then that’s ok cos if after forcing it, he doesn’t marry you, it will all be ‘weist’. lol

    • ruby April 26, 2013 at 12:08 PM

      lol….This just brighten my boring day at work.
      Fast and Pray
      This is the most important of all. A day of dry fasting and prayers/week can perform wonders. Cast and bind any enemy, demons, witches, wizards (known and unknown) that might attempt/conceive it in their mind to block or stop your ring . Declare that they fall down and die by fire! #Serious Straight Face

      • Miss Tee April 26, 2013 at 12:56 PM

        Lool,
        My dear you actually mean fast and PREY… Because these tips have ‘hunter gatherer’ written all over them. :D

        • Ayo April 27, 2013 at 6:24 AM

          Lol.

      • Joyce May 1, 2013 at 7:09 PM

        lol.

      • aluoch October 31, 2013 at 12:02 PM

        hahahaha dont forget to bind the people following from your village LOL

    • anonymous April 26, 2013 at 12:09 PM

      this article really cracked me up. Choi women don suffer!! everybody is talking about marriage. may God help us sha!!! You forgot something- Always go to church and make sure you read inspirational books. As you are reading it, try as much as possible to drop it where he will see the books. *thumbs up*

    • oluchy April 26, 2013 at 12:10 PM

      l am laughing in French o, no b only. Thank you,don’t mention.

    • ngblaq April 26, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      funny

      • Joyce May 7, 2013 at 12:02 AM

        very funny, dis is for side chick and beg beg babe person……..

    • MzChizzy April 26, 2013 at 12:12 PM

      This write-up is just plain DUMB. ‘Funny’ is definitely not the word. DUMB, MYOPIC and DUMB again.

      • Style Cravings April 26, 2013 at 1:57 PM

        it’s very obvious that the writer was being sarcastic. Where is your sense of humor? lighten up, life is not that serious.
        uberchicmichi.com

    • Esther April 26, 2013 at 12:13 PM

      Loooool…..prettying amazing

    • Mz Socially Awkward... April 26, 2013 at 12:14 PM

      I laughed at “Become His Mother’s Best Friend” and “Catching the Wedding Bouqet”… he’ll really think it’s a sign from God. Hahaha!

      That last one about buying a dress and putting down a deposit for a wedding venue, as funny as it seems, some people’s faith works for them, depending on how they apply it. I know women that used to buy baby clothes as they waited on God for children. It’s a funny thing about faith – once you have the right kind (not the fake kind that’s all mouth and no belief), like Jesus said, it can grow from mustard seed size to produce something incredible. So, anyone who feels led to call that reception venue and ask them what their 2013/14 calendar looks like, go right ahead if you’re hearing the right voice in your heart. Afterall, no be so Monica for “Friends” been go check reception venue like play, like joke, na im Chandler come find out, come propose? ;-)

      (Hopefully, nobody crucifies me for using a fictional program on TV to expound my point, I only referenced “Friends” in jest, oh!)

      • zsa zsa April 27, 2013 at 11:36 PM

        I totally remember that episode on “Friends” :)

        Na wa o!!!!!! Even with disclaimer sef some readers still no understand say THIS ARTICLE NA JOKE as in sarcasm….as in…i just dey play o…as in lightening up things on a rainy friday. Wasn’t this the same situation with Atokes article some weeks ago about keeping tabs on your hubby or something like that?
        HA! Reading and comprehension is a serious something o!
        Anyways, i liked the part about “adding more yards to your wife material” that was too funny. Then paying deposit on your wedding gown and reception venue, to funny!

        Lets PLEASE try to lighten up eh, the moment i saw the headline with “surefire” i knew it had to be a funny one.

        For those of you who choose to take this article seriously, NONE OF THESE STEPS WILL WORK, at least not in the long run and not with a smart and matured man!!

        • lilly April 29, 2013 at 3:01 PM

          i no know for u o ZZ, me i go try all them points. leave story for agbero. if well applied it can and should work. if it is not working, it is time to dump the dude. no time for time wasting

      • Suzzie April 30, 2013 at 12:38 PM

        YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHT…WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, I BOUGHT ONLY FEMALE BABY STUFF…A SHOP ATTENDANT ONCE SMILED AND ASKED “SO YOUR EXPECTING A GIRL?” I REPLIED THAT AM BELIEVING GOD FOR A GIRL…SHE WAS SHOCKED…..ASKED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ITS WAS A BOY, I TOLD HER GOD KNOWS BEST AND THE BOY WOULD WEAR ALL THE PINK CLOTHS I HAD BOUGHT…..VIOLA…I HAD A GIRL …

      • Anne May 28, 2013 at 12:56 PM

        That’s true… I remember that epsisode too…Lol

        It’s clear that some people didn’t read the article thoroughly OR// Do not have a sense of humor OR// probably tried some of the tips, which backfired, hence the attitude…LOL.

    • Arielle April 26, 2013 at 12:16 PM

      First time to comment. I had to, this was sooo funny.. especially the rock part. I laughed so much at the office..Thank you for that :)

    • dianalicious April 26, 2013 at 12:24 PM

      Love the last line… don’t sue me if it doesn’t work! Good luck ladies…

    • Jenny April 26, 2013 at 12:38 PM

      Dey there dey laugh. Her tips WORK. Desperate u say, dumb u say. Very soon ur small small nieces and cousins go grow, come marry by then u go realise say you are sittin on a loooong thing. As long as you LOVE him try her tips and c it work magic.

      • Knut April 29, 2013 at 10:29 PM

        As long as YOU love him ke? Omo, if it’s to love a guy, that comes sooooo easy for us women. You can love a guy till tomorrow and even tattoo his face on your forehead, if he doesnt love you, you will be cycling and recycling these 10 ‘principles’ until he tells you he’s getting married BUT NOT to you. A woman does not need to jump and somersault before a guy realizes she’s golden enough to be his wife.

    • InCotonou April 26, 2013 at 12:42 PM

      From the comments, it appears some people have lost their sense of humour!

    • CHINNY April 26, 2013 at 12:43 PM

      Well, i disagree with this article, everything here screams desperate. Once a guy notices desperation is a total turnoff . be yourself, look good, pray and be positive, if it will happen it will happen, but dnt stick in there and waite forever for him to propose, keep other open relationships with other guys, you cannever know what will happen.

    • Olori April 26, 2013 at 12:51 PM

      LOL @ You must catch the bouquet at all weddings and Olumo rock. *Can’t stop laughing*. You’ve been watching too many desperado movies. Anywayz, I totally enjoyed reading the tips. *thumbsup*

    • lily April 26, 2013 at 12:51 PM

      lmao…very funny article…and for all the “serious people” taking this article to another level, its just an article that is supposed to make u laugh but taking some tips may work for anyone sha…..hahahahaha

    • labelle April 26, 2013 at 12:51 PM

      All of you getting angry saying this is not good advise, read the first few lines. She said if you are DESPERATE enough. It’s all light fun anyway. Why y’all so serious?

    • miss dee April 26, 2013 at 12:52 PM

      nice write up, just had a good laugh wit my colleague reading this. thanks 4 brightening a dull day.

    • Temitope April 26, 2013 at 12:55 PM

      She is just a LEARNER! If u like do househelp from nw till tmrw. Every guy knows his flavour! If u’re d ring is urs. Biko don’t waste ur talent on getting a ring. IJEBU gari doesn’t need advert.

    • Andre April 26, 2013 at 1:07 PM

      “Don’t waste his money on a buffet at Protea today and Thai food tomorrow. In fact you are wasting your children’s school fees on irrelevant dates” LMAO… this is uber hilarious but also true. ladieslearnhowtocook.thats all……………………………… the power of food cannot be overemphasized enough. You cant pretend for too long doe, marriage has a way of bringout ur inner demons/ angels.. lol

    • divea April 26, 2013 at 1:11 PM

      really cracked me up…

    • Peachy_mo April 26, 2013 at 1:13 PM

      Patricia! yous see life? you see the eeevil in BN reader? even after saying PS: Please don’t sue me if this doesn’t work, I am just trying to lighten things up on a rainy Friday! & tagging the article for desperados!

      You can all like to punch and do holier than thou sha! & I bet 80 % of married girls actually did a thing or 2 of the above before getting hitched only to turn to Cruella (even with bestie mother-in-law) after marriage. Truth is either ways, you’ll kiss asses before or after marriage. Its inevitable. you might even disillusion yourself that you are just playing the role (or doing it) to let peace reign but guess what? your are kissing asses #ThatsAll

    • Let it flow... April 26, 2013 at 1:14 PM

      I love it cos it’s funny, laughed all the way through. This is a case of ‘kingdom of heaven suffers violence and violent ‘lady’ take it by force’. To all those who calls it desperate, I slightly disagree. It’s those ‘desperado girls’ who are now married to the man of their/your dreams and you that is not so desperate are left on the shelf at 35 going 40! Overall though, seek God’s approval before you get that ring. Marriage is a not a walk in the park and being married is not the be-all and end-all thing. Enjoy being single.

      • slice April 26, 2013 at 1:34 PM

        Lol as long as they are not back on the so called shelf at 41 while the ones that waited patiently stay off the so called shelf forever. Think of marriage in terms of a lifetime success and not a right now accomplishment.

        • somebody April 26, 2013 at 4:57 PM

          GBAM! God bless you for this one, Slice. Well said.

    • khennee April 26, 2013 at 1:18 PM

      while i was reading this article i couldnt help laughing cause trust me its the kinda girl that the bachelors should FLEE from, i repeat FLEE, dont even look back cause before you know it, you the guy would be the one changing your name!

    • Stella Kashmoney April 26, 2013 at 1:21 PM

      Lol.. Funny article.

    • dp April 26, 2013 at 1:33 PM

      FFK y all this long preaching, this meant to be hilarious, so chill out and preach to yourself

    • Omo1 April 26, 2013 at 1:48 PM

      Dear Patricia. I do not agree with these points especially – (Become His Mother’s Best Friend) and – (He Must be Your Plus+One For all Weddings). Not all guys like these, infact trust me by the time you do too much of these as mentioned it smells desperation and a guy will just cool off on you.

      I have seen experiences of girlfirends trying to please the mama, getting her stuffs, helping her get all put together and the guy was’nt just comfortable with any of it.

      And talking about tagging him along to every wedding, my dear that is a BIG NO NO, except its a mutual friend or he decides to tag along.

      In the end i’ll rather prefer to just be yourself together with a lot of prayer and faith. No one rule works for all. If you like cook your heart and your head out if a guy wont’t give you the ring, he wont! Its not all entirely in our hands!

      • sandy April 28, 2013 at 7:34 PM

        I disagree with you. One of the reasons my boyfriend proposed is because of the relationship between me and his mom. He even told me that if we break up he may never find a girl his mom will love this much. Lets just say it depends on the guy. study the man, some men dont like this while some do. To each his own.

      • nina May 4, 2013 at 4:04 AM

        this article is a joke. please chill. When you read it again, you will discover that the writer is just being sarcastic

    • Tongryang Pantu April 26, 2013 at 1:57 PM

      Hilarious

    • bhiola April 26, 2013 at 2:06 PM

      *Am so laughing* if after u act n do al of these,then end up getting d ring,wat happens wen u get to d end of d script?wat hapens wen u eventualy get married,then her real character comes up cos am sure she can’t put up with dis fake act forever. Character is lyk smoke,no matter ow much u try to hide it,it wil surely leak one day. My candid advise is this,if u can’t put up wiv al of these forever,pls DON’T start it. I wish we d singles d veri best

    • oama April 26, 2013 at 2:07 PM

      lmaoooooo……..dis writer no well, had a good laff. bet choi, some of you dont have sense of humour sha. smh

    • Simya April 26, 2013 at 2:26 PM

      LOL…This was too funny. Some points are very valid though. Every woman should ALWAYS look good, a woman who is ready for marriage should minimize her outings (they don’t need to know you in every club and bar) and lastly how important is that 18 carat diamond tiffany & co ring

    • doris April 26, 2013 at 2:26 PM

      This is hilarious but does make sense.
      Luv the tips

    • Evanescence April 26, 2013 at 2:29 PM

      For desperate ‘n probably ugly ladies only…looool…

    • Adedayo April 26, 2013 at 2:30 PM

      “Mrs Somebody”

      “Desperado lomo”

    • Queen of Everything April 26, 2013 at 2:49 PM

      LMAO… some of y’all need to chill. This is obviously meant to be funny.
      If you got the bitters reading that then you’re probably guilty of some of those and you’re just frustrated that it hasn’t worked :p *lookingfortrouble*
      funniest piece for me: Be it diamond, ruby, emerald, granite or a piece of Olumo rock. – Have not heard “Olumo Rock in ages!! haha, nice piece.

    • mama April 26, 2013 at 3:17 PM

      lol. funny one

    • MissPerfect April 26, 2013 at 3:17 PM

      Na wa for people sha, can’t u people just laugh and move on. All the epistle about how it’s dumb and soooo not funny, if its not your cup of tea then let it be. Haba! A lot of people seem to have lost their sense of humour (if they had one if the first place) SMH!

    • Rodela April 26, 2013 at 3:24 PM

      These are tips for a desperado…they will only make ur boo FLEE!

    • myra April 26, 2013 at 3:38 PM

      so funny plssss mor tips on oda issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Funke April 26, 2013 at 3:58 PM

      Funny how people don’t recognize Satire and Sarcasm when they see it. Let me break it down for you. What the writer means is that, “If you want to keep your man, DON’T DO the following”. If you still don’t understand after this, I kenst help you

    • peeklasiq April 26, 2013 at 4:15 PM

      lol… truth be told…some of the tips are true!

    • Masked April 26, 2013 at 4:28 PM

      Plenty pple have either lost their sense of humor or their heads are hot from the week’s work….Anyways i just always wonder if we will ever get to the age of girls giving guys the ring, then the jokes can reduce or better still not be one sided on the women alone?

    • Gertrude April 26, 2013 at 4:48 PM

      LOL, “a piece of Olumo rock”??? BYE! That attending every family function killed me. What?? My Aunties are the type to tell my brother, for example, “her own is too much oh”. Saddest thing about this piece: people like this exist.

    • Adeola April 26, 2013 at 4:55 PM

      Y’all calm down…..it’s all for fun o. I’m sure some people aka desperados will follow these rules. Only one or two of the ten na correct point to me. To someone else, all ten points applies to her. Know what works for you. As said na tips and a funny piece to lighten the mood. #don’tdull

    • Aglow April 26, 2013 at 5:57 PM

      This is so funny!…and sadly true!

    • LOLS April 26, 2013 at 5:59 PM

      Its amazing that some readers are actually taking this seriously! Its meant to be funny!!! Laugh it off and move on…

    • LOLS April 26, 2013 at 6:06 PM

      *It’s

    • Kbaby April 26, 2013 at 6:29 PM

      Many of the points are valid cos these points portray d habit of a good African woman in which a responsible gentleman would love to call a wife except d ladies who has lost her character n will only pretend(desperate) 2pin a man down n definitely her character will show itself cos its a smoke – u cannot hide it.

    • Lin April 26, 2013 at 7:16 PM

      hahahahahaha…this article reminds of Uche Jumbo’s movie “Mrs. Somebody”…lol. My dear this advices screams I’M DESPERATE….lol

      • OLA April 27, 2013 at 12:34 PM

        lolzz Uche

      • Joyce May 1, 2013 at 7:25 PM

        Yep, Uche cracked me up in Mrs Somebody. Very funny movie.

    • Deedee April 26, 2013 at 7:29 PM

      Lol,i love this article, its really hilarious…………………….

    • dj April 26, 2013 at 7:38 PM

      lmaoooo…funny article… d thing is if a guy doesnt want to marry u, he wont, weda u bring down heaven or not….just be urself…improve urself for urself….go to school, get a good job, u can do some of these things but for d right reasons…not bcos ur desperate…. i just remembered uche jumbo in mrs somebody…love that movie!

    • Miss N April 26, 2013 at 7:54 PM

      Ewooooo le hubby am coming from u

    • Idak April 26, 2013 at 8:31 PM

      Has this blog being officially christened ‘the single and desperately searching blog’?
      This sort of articles are being churned out at an alarming rate.

    • didi April 26, 2013 at 8:37 PM

      To those of you who don’t get the sarcasm,raise your pants and kiss your own ass.To Patricia,I raise my glass of cosmo to u!Kisses ol da way for dis light hearted note!U made my friday night… :*

    • Princess MIMI April 26, 2013 at 9:23 PM

      Some elements of sarcasm in this blog. It must be addressed to the ‘desperate woman’.

    • fancy April 26, 2013 at 9:34 PM

      Oh heck naw!!!! More like “How to be desperate for a man.”

    • Miss April 26, 2013 at 10:51 PM

      lol

    • Ngum April 26, 2013 at 11:55 PM

      i wonder if men are as preoccupied with marriage as many women seem to be.

      • OLA April 27, 2013 at 12:36 PM

        Good question actually!!
        maybe they just don’t talk about it

    • omada April 27, 2013 at 12:33 AM

      The funniest are the ones taking it seriously and typing epistles. SARCASM people!!! Well most nigerians don’t get sarcasm or satire anyway.

      Patricia this was super funny…LOL.

      • Lizzie April 27, 2013 at 4:00 PM

        Where have you been girl?

    • Bliss April 27, 2013 at 12:41 AM

      Hmm na wa oh. May dem kukuma change it to Marriagenaija.com lol

    • Kenny April 27, 2013 at 6:53 AM

      I don’t think any serious woman should be preoccupied with marriage. I’ve always said it, women focus on build your career and making yourself happy that’s all that matter. I really don’t understand why some women stress over this marriage issue.

    • meez April 27, 2013 at 1:02 PM

      LMAOOOOO! Really ‘surefire!’

    • fade April 27, 2013 at 2:45 PM

      This is so funny, I love this piece. Hihihihihihihhhiihi.

    • Bliss April 27, 2013 at 4:40 PM

      On a serious note, the idea of this whole “satire” is just condescending. I think mothers in general and Nigerian mothers in particular have to wake up and smell the coffee. When they raise their sons to be kings( they do everything for them, save for running the food through a food processor and connecting it to an IV to out source the chewing). When they get married, best believe you assume the role of his doting mother and sisters. Plus his pops doesn’t do jack in terms of house hold chores..Well, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Nigerian men have such an annoying sense of entitlement. They want to be waited on hand and foot. This goes for most men, but Nigerian men have a chronic case. Most white guys I’ve personally encountered on an intimate level have been better in this regard. They appreciate things. They don’t feel like its their birth right.
      Ahhhh GOOSFRABA

    • Young visionary April 27, 2013 at 11:17 PM

      Better heed her advice. My ex failed 2 of those tests and I was planning to marry her.

    • Anuli April 27, 2013 at 11:31 PM

      Honestly, you were not meant to agree with any of the tips. the point of this article being to laugh. Has the country’s woes numbed our sense of humour that people would actually take this seriously. Abeg, laugh my people.

    • Temiloluwa April 28, 2013 at 9:37 AM

      Hehe! I love it! The writer has a lovely sense of humour. Lighten up people!

      • Adefunke May 5, 2013 at 8:47 PM

        Lol. Temi Hun tell them oo. People be taking things P.

    • Magz April 29, 2013 at 9:00 AM

      LMAO!!!!!!!!! honestly, i detected sarcasm from the first “tip”. it’s just so sad that most Nigerians have lost their sense of humour. Really, learn to laugh and not take everything so serious!

    • Oge April 29, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      hmmm ladies! ladies! ladies! I swear down if u try doing wht this article is telling u to practice,u will remain single for a very lonnnnnnng time,and kip meeting men dat will tell their friends”she’s very nice but not my kind of woman”bcos they sense u being desperate. Please ladies dnt get it twisted oh,real men want to settle down wt supportive ,loving and caring women…but not desperate women.

    • Seun Badmus April 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM

      Hate it or love it…This is the absolute truth. Not DUMP at all. A word is enough for the wise.

    • Tutu April 29, 2013 at 2:42 PM

      “Buy your wedding dress and deposit for a reception venue!”…this just cracked me up LOOOOL!!!

      • Joshua April 29, 2013 at 5:20 PM

        That was when i knew this must be some joke…..abahhh BellaNaija pls always remember to add ‘just joking’ @the end of these hilarious pieces.

    • Yetty April 29, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      Hmmmm pat…. This tips are really nice but to attend every family function when you are not invited and buy your wedding dress plus deposit for a reception venue when the guy in question has not propose are trace of a desperate lady is not faith we are talking of in the bible.

    • noway April 29, 2013 at 4:32 PM

      …Tip no …11…BECOME HIS DOORMAT!!! smh…………..IN UTTER DISBELIEF

    • Evilicious April 29, 2013 at 7:17 PM

      Lol! This has to be a joke…

      • excuse u May 6, 2013 at 10:50 PM

        u cant just stop it can u? cant b bothered anyways……

        • excuse u May 6, 2013 at 10:53 PM

          just can’t*

    • ade April 29, 2013 at 7:41 PM

      Lmao I am sure the boy will be so irritated before the babe gets to 5. If I were a guy i would definitelt sense the desperado moves with all this famzong techniques. Omo see gobe.

    • Naveah April 29, 2013 at 8:03 PM

      Tongue in cheek or not, they should just entitled this “Tips For A Desperate Woman Who Feels Stuck In Her Singlenss”. I didn’t do most of these “tips” and I still got a ring on it. Na wa o next thing na to register for “How To Find A Man 101″ and continuation class “How To Get The Ring 201″ at Uni Nsukka LOL

    • Dxayinks April 29, 2013 at 8:16 PM

      Thank you so much,you are a darling. I’m on my way girl!

    • Kemi April 29, 2013 at 9:37 PM

      This is a load of crap! A man that sincerely wants to marry you, need not be manipulated. Be yourself and have a sense of self worth that whoever gets to marry you is a damn lucky guy. Desperation is not the way forward. That’s all :)!

    • Esther April 29, 2013 at 10:18 PM

      Good job Patricia, i really enjoyed reading this

    • chinwe April 29, 2013 at 10:45 PM

      I hope this is not desperate housewife…….i strongly disagree,,

    • beeess April 29, 2013 at 10:46 PM

      Ha Ha Ha…. Very funny article…LOL.

      Some people on this comment thread need to calm down. Why are you tensed? LOL

    • ibukungeorge April 30, 2013 at 2:37 AM

      lol.My take-Be yourself,look good,groom yourself,love yourself ,live a day at a time,pray to God and be happy with yourself.Though its so important to be on the same page with your mother in law.Trust me am talking from experience.My philosophy don’t be a girlfriend when you still a friend and don’t be a wife when you still a girlfriend.Guys know what they want .You don’t have to do all that before he propose.Its well with us all in NYM club.

    • pynk April 30, 2013 at 8:42 AM

      is it on top of joke that people are typing epistle?

      • missoyi April 30, 2013 at 5:06 PM

        My dear, it seems we have come to that. Love the write up though, soooo funny !

    • Grace April 30, 2013 at 10:11 AM

      lol……am just seeing this:) m\now i dont agree with “Attend every family function”how can i go buy aso-ebi when i wasnt even invited all bcos i want him to pop that question? No be by force o…..I wont locate/go for a function i wasnt invited to#shikena. But all other points mentioned is ok:)smh

    • Grace April 30, 2013 at 10:15 AM

      I forgot to even add”BNuy ur wedding dress and deposit for a hall”#huh?…..Aha,as much as i believe i cant o…..the hall i will wanna use cost about 420k then my wedding dress…(dont kknow how much that will cost me)what abt if i loose or add weight before then?Me i no fit sha o…..lol. I cant fit do it at all….lol

    • Tokunbo April 30, 2013 at 11:01 AM

      Look at Evanescence and co am sure you all read the article with a biro and a note pad to take notes. Its funny but underneath definitely not dumb. @pynk me sef taya but then it depends on what we take from whatever we read.

    • Some one good April 30, 2013 at 12:33 PM

      Nicest one Triciaaaaaaa. Bug off all you haters! How dare you criticize these truths. These are as factual as black is darkness. So what if it doesnt work for you just go for the next delivrance and stop dissuading our potential Pst. Bimbo. Hmm. Just keep on hanging out with your girlfriends for parties oo. You never jam rock. Thank you for the candid advice Patricia. Now I know what I will work with. * Singing*

    • Suzzie April 30, 2013 at 12:40 PM

      YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHT…WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, I BOUGHT ONLY FEMALE BABY STUFF…A SHOP ATTENDANT ONCE SMILED AND ASKED “SO YOUR EXPECTING A GIRL?” I REPLIED THAT AM BELIEVING GOD FOR A GIRL…SHE WAS SHOCKED…..ASKED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ITS WAS A BOY, I TOLD HER GOD KNOWS BEST AND THE BOY WOULD WEAR ALL THE PINK CLOTHS I HAD BOUGHT…..VIOLA…I HAD A GIRL …

    • Iratesinglechick April 30, 2013 at 12:49 PM

      If this piece is supposed to be tongue-in-the-cheek sarcasm, i didn’t see any hint of it and i read from start it finish. how can anyone be so clueless, stupid and brain-dead? BN please keep your standard and refuse to publish trash even when u don’t have stories to publish. TF!

      • Peachy_mo April 30, 2013 at 2:56 PM

        Apparently you are the “Clueless, stupid and brain-dead” one here because the article clearly states that it is on a light side. Why don’t you stick your snub nose into your uptight head maybe you will understand the meaning of HUMOR and SARCASM. pschew!

      • Mo'blezzing May 1, 2013 at 3:59 AM

        you had the opportunity create your username but you choose one with the word “Irate” in it….and you expect us to respect the opinion of an irate person?? ta!!!! Abeg your name already more that explains your state of mind and why you wouldn’t see humor in this…my dear, God would bring that man, calm down, you don’t have to be so angry sweetheart and maybe stay off SOCIAL blogs till you are doing better psychologically….

      • Mobola May 3, 2013 at 3:40 PM

        Then clearly you’re a sadist!!!

    • Mk April 30, 2013 at 1:32 PM

      This write up should be in “Relationships”. That’s where we understand good humor. Lol

    • sweetchic April 30, 2013 at 1:48 PM

      Mehn Patricia you really made my day with this article of urs.ofcourse its a joke esp the last part of having to buy the gown hmmm.Try am na….i ga-eche

    • Missy April 30, 2013 at 4:12 PM

      Hilarious! I found this so funny. Way to cause a man running in the opposite direction but I love your sense of humour. Haters, please stop hating and go write yours and see if I get to even crack a smile..

    • JRS April 30, 2013 at 4:26 PM

      I have died and gone to heaven! This has got to be the most entertaining read on BN! Wot!! screaming and laughing hysterically! A ‘concerned’ friend actually had a ” minimize ur outings” talk with me – she was instantly unfriended! I’m sending this to every female married or not that i know its so funny! The minute i read “don’t become last carrier” i knew this was goin to be a riot. I’m using that as my catch phrase now – no more ‘Tasha Mack “’bout that life” – its now BN- don’t become last carrier! – Me loves this! Patricia – TOP MARKS!! U r not a last carrier!

    • MizImani April 30, 2013 at 4:37 PM

      I believe the ones who cannot detect the sarcasm are the ones that have done at least one of the tips Patricia spelt out!!!

      Love the article….

    • Adaohakay April 30, 2013 at 7:05 PM

      Absolutely hilarious….

    • Osa April 30, 2013 at 7:58 PM

      If he doesn’t invite you to a place, FIND the venue? NO that’s too stalkerish. A little bit to desperate. This is not a serious article.

    • sleek-lady May 1, 2013 at 3:24 PM

      Lmaoooo…Ladies if you like cook your heart in diamond sauce for a man..If he’s not for you, he will drop you easily like a pack of cards.
      And this tips screams Desperation, which will make the guy abuse and use you.. Wait for your turn oh.
      sleek-lady.blogspot.com

    • Tee May 1, 2013 at 8:38 PM

      Err desperate much………..I really hope this is tongue in cheek

    • naana May 2, 2013 at 9:12 AM

      love-’That favourite aunt of his would notice you and start pestering him to marry you. Don’t forget to dress to kill and buy the Aso-Ebi where applicable.’

    • obitalk May 2, 2013 at 11:54 AM

      i just love this, thsi is so funny and interesting all at once. your a good writer o. lol

    • A.D May 2, 2013 at 12:30 PM

      Wow…..some people really can’t tell sarcasm…….to even think of thinking of doing any of these points leaves me really thinking……oh boy babes are husband hunting o, to finish reading to the last line and still judge the writer as desperate makes u even most desperate.
      Not every one who reads comprehends

    • Sarah Adebayo May 2, 2013 at 1:32 PM

      The best way: Is to close your legs!! many women are to fast to open up their legs, spreading them left to right, the guy will just play around hit it one, twice, three times and he is bored! but, as long that what you have between the two legs is a mistery , he will put the ring, it worked for me and it should worked for any woman: CLOSE YOUR LEGS!!!

    • ijeoma May 2, 2013 at 2:31 PM

      Really dont think this is neccessary,its just a desperate move and i absolutely disagree with this

    • Mo May 2, 2013 at 6:51 PM

      This article is utmost rubbish and I totally disagree with everything here.

    • IM May 2, 2013 at 11:40 PM

      LOL!!! @ Olumo rock – ring

    • tolextra May 3, 2013 at 9:01 AM

      meehn, how sad it is that pple’s sense of humour is just totally dead and 10-feet under! chill out guys!

    • seyibabs May 6, 2013 at 10:20 PM

      Ds tips na die lmao very funny, sure some gurls do it.

    • seyibabs May 6, 2013 at 10:34 PM

      @Sarah, u re so 1980′s lemme update u dear, if a gurl like she sud play hard 2 get and glue her -, men are not lukin 4 virgins again, infact its d runs gurls dt are getting married while d decent ones……..* (bottom line) its not about closing d legs, if d man will marry u he will if not he wont. Takes God’s Grace.

    • jenny May 7, 2013 at 12:55 AM

      the funniest is the last “point” Buy your wedding dress and deposit for a reception venue!

      Hilarious!!!

    • vickky May 9, 2013 at 12:30 PM

      lmaoooooooooo i love this….had me laughing for the first time today! jokes!

    • ebony May 15, 2013 at 3:33 PM

      me thinks guys respond more to distance. just live ur life, be nice show, him all the qualities a man can possibly hope for in a woman, hang out with friends, inshort ve a ll bit busy life and this will make them understand that if they want to be a part of ur life then they have to put a ring on it..(the serious guys anyway) i am just saying ni ooo…

    • Comfort .k.k May 24, 2013 at 10:53 AM

      Wow, Patricia you actually nailed it.
      Girl this tips are wonderful.
      Thanks..

    • mojiji May 28, 2013 at 4:38 PM

      mehn this na desperation 101….i dont buy it

    • katie May 29, 2013 at 6:29 AM

      These is so not true….

    • Tolulopemi June 3, 2013 at 6:32 PM

      i lovet…………

    • Ejiro July 16, 2013 at 9:07 PM

      What happened to your sense of humour?? !!!! yh dats directed at all you pple dat made less than savory comments!! it was a joke which i personally found extremely funny!.

    • AY September 6, 2013 at 4:01 PM

      how do i get all my pictures to be on bella naija site?

    • classyd September 27, 2013 at 2:40 PM

      lmaoooo..so true