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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Guest Or Nicely Dressed Help

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Holidays bring bliss, relaxation and delicious food. For others, it is the time to try and get in as many visits as possible; or even a time to clear out your wardrobe or clean out your store. For some, it is a time to go from one party to the other – Segun’s house warming, Angela’s baby dedication, Ugo’s 30th. As Nigerians, the Easter weekend is basically a time to CHILL.
As expected, a lot of stories come out of a weekend of partying – people who got drunk, people who exchanged numbers with the potential men of their dreams, and people who wished they had just stayed home. Imagine having a bad outing, when you could have spent that day just lying in bed and watching re-runs of TV shows. It is usually the beginning of a rant. A lot of times, I’m at the listening end of these rants, and I’m so glad that I have this column to share some of these stories. So, this weekend’s subject of discussion was the role of friends at parties.

My friend had been invited to a housewarming ceremony somewhere in Surulere. As she had 4 other little ‘come chop’ invites on the other side of the city, she scheduled the Surulere party for last. It would be the last place she’d go before she finally went home. She arrived at the housewarming ceremony at half past 7pm and there were people mingling outside, so she went inside to greet her friend. To her shock and dismay, she was met with a cold and stony embrace. “Oshe oh..Wo time t’o she’n dey!” {Thank you oh. Look at the time you’re arriving}. She said she was so angry that she couldn’t stay longer than 10 minutes. I asked her if she told her friend that she had several engagements that day. She responded that she didn’t feel the need to explain herself to someone who willingly invited her to her party. In trying to calm her down, I asked if she considered the fact that the host probably needed her to help with some of the little chores that come with having a house party.
“Abeg, I don’t like that idea of inviting people to your party just because they can come and work. If you can’t sort out help for your party beforehand then don’t bother hosting a party.”

At this point, I could relate with her angst. I remember being at a wedding, all dressed up with high heels and my friends and I were told that we couldn’t just ‘Sit down’, because there were guests to be served. Within minutes, our role as guests changed to that of nicely dressed help. I was so tired that day; if I knew I was going to be walking the length and and breadth of Muson Centre that day, I’d have worn more comfortable shoes.

I have been told that it is not out of the ordinary to expect your friends to help out when they come for your party. But with things that one takes for granted, hurt and anger comes when those expectations are not met. However, one wonders if the needs of the other person shouldn’t be put into consideration. For instance, if you’re having a party, and you want to serve Samosa. Then, you don’t order for Samosas, you are hoping that your friend who is skilled at Samosa making will come early… in time to do what she knows best. Or when you’re planning a party and you already expect that your guys will be in charge of the drinks. Meaning, they’ll stand by the ice box handing out beers. Did your guys not come to party?

My friend, Dasu LOVES washing plates and sweeping. For her, those things are therapeutic. In fact, when Dasu’s is visiting, she instinctively gets a wash cloth and gets to cleaning. However, I won’t plan a party and use ceramic plates just because I know Dasu is coming. Life should be fun and easy, we don’t want to alienate our friends just because we wanted to have a party over the holidays.

What do you guys think? Have you ever been a guest transformed into help? Have you hosted a party and allocated job roles to your guests? According to Dunni, there are expectations from close friends and the expectations are different depending on the size of the party.  For example, a house party – sitting down by close friends is unacceptable, especially as she would be more proactive if it was at their own party. However, there would be no expectations at big parties like weddings. Do you agree? Please share some of your experiences this morning.

Have a great week ahead. Keep your head up and don’t forget to try and leave a positive impact on someone this week.

Peace, love & cupcakes.
Toodles!

Photo Credit: forum.bodybuilding.com

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Atoke – Writer | Lover | Noisemaker. Twitter – @atoke_

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

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