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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Show Some Respect to Mommy Moyo!

Atoke

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Yay! It’s mango season! I was having a laugh with my friend Mabel, and we were discussing the fact that there’s no “tush” way to eat a mango. I argued that you could slice the top, then slice the bottom, dice them up nicely and still be tres chic in the consumption process. She countered that my method encouraged waste and the juiciest parts of the mango was around the seed (or stone) and the best part was to get a bowl, wash your hands and get down to the business of taking off all the flesh from the fruit. So we were in the middle of consuming the first set of mangoes from Ogbomosho and watching TV when she suddenly remembered there was an outstanding gist she hadn’t given me.

She had gone with her husband to visit his baby sister who had come around from Florida for holiday. Mabel, being the very friendly, sweet person that she is, said she had only met her sister-in-law a couple of times prior to this but she had an amicable relationship with her. So, she was in shock when her husband’s cousin called her aside and told her that the sister-in-law now had a baby and Mabel ought to accord her the respect that came with being a mother! Hence, Mabel should ‘show some respect’ and hereinafter, address her sister-in-law as “Mommy Moyo”.

She hadn’t finished narrating the incident when I started laughing. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my mango. She didn’t find it as funny as I did because she was visibly upset. “Since when did having a child change a person’s status, title and mode of identification?” I said, “Since married girls started tormenting single girls with the ‘Mrs’ title”. She responded that it wasn’t the same. It reminded me of a story I’d heard of how someone threw a tantrum at a party because her cousin addressed her husband by his first name. “Please, has his name stopped being Michael?”

Truth is, in Nigeria, some people are really big on these things. Don’t call my husband by his name; I have a kid now, I’m Mummy Enitan and my favourite one of all time “MRS Kabisioye”.

A name is a means of identification and not a sign of “respect”. It’s funny when you live abroad and you hear everyone is referred to by their first name and you find Nigerians getting hissy fits over how their friend called their husband by his first name or you hear new mothers insisting to be called “Mummy Mirabelle”. I hear in some religious settings they’re quite big on the name thing as a sign of respect.

Some have argued that it’s cultural and our culture should be upheld and respected. It’s arguable because it comes across as selective cultural observation. If you wanna embrace your culture wholly and fully, then do it clearly and unequivocally. Tell your colleagues in Birmingham to call you “Sister Anna” because surely your skin will mottle over if you’re addressed by your first name. 😀

So what are our thoughts guys? Do you like to be addressed by your “title”? Do you think it’s disrespectful for your friend or relatives to call your husband by his first name? What do you like to be called? How do we then solve the issue of those women who don’t have kids? Mommy….?

Anyway guys, it’s all fun and love! Do whatever rocks your boat. Live and let live! Have a fabulous week ahead and remember to keep a smile on your face.

Peace, love & cupcakes!

Toodles!

Photo Credits: Murat Ozdemir/Corbis

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

53 Comments

  1. Tolani

    February 25, 2013 at 11:31 am

    My Auntie got married to her best friend’s older brother. From that day her best friend became ‘Sisi Nurse’. #EndOfDiscussion

  2. Tolani

    February 25, 2013 at 11:40 am

    On the mango issue, in Abuja I prefer to buy the humongous mangoes. The fruit sellers here have a technique for getting most of the flesh off in slices that can be picked up stylishly. I reserve the handwashing style of eating mango for my house. But you can’t escape the goo and stickiness with either method.

  3. Neo

    February 25, 2013 at 11:40 am

    I remember growing up I called all my older siblings by their first names, no brother or sister. Till today i all my 45 year old brother by his first name. All of a sudden my sister got married and it was her sister-in-la pulling me aside to advise me on the impropriey of referring to her by her first name. Given the fact that she was the youngest of my 3 sisters (though the first to get married) and i was around 8 at the time, the transition wasnt so hard, but it took a while and once i started with one sister i had to keep up with the rest. The biggest irony of all was that my sister’s daughter ended up calling both parents by their first names for the first two years of her life. The same niece is 8 years younger than I am and today 4 dress sizes bigger than i am, its such a trip to hear her call me Aunty cos if she wants to she can beat shege and bastard out of my body.

    I dont see the big deal if the person is older than i am. I mean whatever pops your shutters. On the other hand if you’re my mate and you want me to call you Mommy-wahtchumacalit because you expelled a baby out of your uterus you are definitely on some superior high that i will gladly knock you down from.

    PS: Where is that Banky W and his head? He couldnt reply abi?

    • Karonwi

      February 25, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    • Chandiee

      February 25, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      U were making sense until u used the expression “expelled a baby from your uterus” I doubt u re a mother cos if u are, you would know there should be some dignity in expressing child birth. When you conceive and bore you would know there is more to it than just “expelled” hiss!

    • Nana

      February 26, 2013 at 12:25 am

      So because you brought a child to this world you are greater than odas ? You need a trophy ? Pls go take a seat ma’am

    • Tiki

      August 11, 2014 at 10:07 am

      You have expelled a baby from your uterus. Like fertile monkeys, hens, turtles and lizards the world over. Oya clap for yourself.

      Some people have such a skewed sense of self-worth.

  4. jokesy

    February 25, 2013 at 11:49 am

    lol at this write up. its so true and rampant in our settings. for me, i wonder when girlfriends who get married begin to say the ‘ my husband said’ and ‘my husband did’ thing. i have been married for about two yrs and i havent still gotten used to it. well, if i notice a friend likes the my husband thing then whenever i refer to him i also use the ‘your husband’ line…lol. I still refer to my husband by his name even in discussions with his family and mine. but since i’m yoruba, and respect (or just the outward show of it) is one of our trademarks, those younger than me refer to him as “uncle” or whatever. i think it’s just a cultural thing.

  5. rachelle

    February 25, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    i tot i was the only one having issues in my search for an ajeburish way to eat mangoes. Fellow bellaniajarians in ur search pls find out the ajeburish way to eat sugar canes too.
    When my elder sister had her first baby we started calling her mumy her daughters name but it didnt sit well with her ears or our tongue. So we went back to calling her first name and most times with my fathers name,cos that is our practice.

    • Aibee

      February 25, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      An ajebutter-ish way to eat sugar cane is to hace the seller dice it into bite sized pieces. So you can just pop one into your mouth, chew to your satisfaction and stylishly spit out the chaff without ruining your lipstick.

  6. JADE

    February 25, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    I have 9 siblings and im the last, so my eldest brother who is actually old enuff to be my father i call him brother and then my sister following that one is called aunty and all the rest by their names, when i was in js 1 the 5th got married and had a baby and insisted that we call her Mama Ifeanyi instead of Leticia, well that didnt augur with anyone so we just continued calling her letty and all her protests fell on deaf ears. Now my sister’s hairstylist who used to be my neighbor saw me on the street one evening and i said “Joy good evening” she replied by telling me that i was disrespectful, i shud call her Aunty Joy, even ur sister wey senior u dey call me aunty so i told her ure neither my father’s sister nor my mother’s so ure no my aunty, ur name na Joy if Joy no sweet u again change ur name to Aunty so we go no say na ur new name be that. 🙂

    • Lue

      February 25, 2013 at 2:17 pm

      lmao…..cracked me up big time

    • Iamme

      February 25, 2013 at 3:30 pm

      “ur name na Joy if Joy no sweet u again change ur name to Aunty so we go no say na ur new name be that”. Lol, too funny.

    • T.baby

      February 25, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      Lol

  7. Jfk

    February 25, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Im married alright but i have a name and my personality didnt change a bit after marriage. Im still myself and i gently correct my single friends when they call me mrs…… I love having a good laugh with my friends and enjoy dancing to my fave.beats anytime anywhere. So i dont expect anybody to attach any form of prefix to my name. Im only speaking for myself,i dont know about others.

  8. jay

    February 25, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    I really don’t mind being addressed by my name and same for addressing my husband by his name,will only pick offense when its not politely said.I just got married and noticed that same folks now refer to me as Ma,which really doesn’t go down well with me What can I do?Guess its a cultural thing…and I better deal with it

  9. jay

    February 25, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    I really don’t mind being addressed by my name and same for addressing my husband by his name,will only pick offense when its not politely said.I just got married and noticed that same folks now refer to me as Ma,which doesn’t go down well with me What can I do?Guess its a cultural thing…and I better deal with it

    • To jay

      February 25, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      Is there an impolite way to call someone by their name. Please explain? Its not as if the person will say hey Stupid Bode, wassup now? If you live abroad for example where you call 70year olds by their first name, is that impolite. Calling someone Aunty or Uncle doesn’t show respect in my opinion. I have seen people insult someone while calling them Aunty or Uncle, outright rudeness, even with the Aunty, sister, brother or Uncle tag. The one I don’t get is when friends tell you please don’t call my husband by name. Especially when you knew them both before they got married. You called the guy by name, suddenly in marriage, especially when a child is in the picture, you can’t call them by name. A married friend said, it is a way to create boundaries, to reduce familiarity between her husband and her single friends, and so that someone will not easily disrespect him. I told her point blank, if he wants to cheat, he will cheat. The friend calling him Daddy Sylvia to your face, may be sleeping with him behind your back, it doesn’t prove anything. In fact, it is the one’s calling him Daddy Sylvia, you should even be more wary of, not the one’s calling him by name. The shock on her face was comical. Lol

  10. Chinma Eke

    February 25, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    This is a problem I’ve always had. Its not just when people get married and or have kids, also with educational attainments. I frequently have to ask: is she no longer Comfort because she is now a barrister/doctor/ somebody’s mom or dad? Our culture believes so much in those things, but to me o! You are still the same you.

  11. Tolu

    February 25, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Ah, this one is even good na, what about the Yoruba culture of, as a wife you must call all the people who were born before you married their son Aunty or Uncle. As far as they are concerned, those people are your Iyale, and baba le, because you met them in the Ile. So, even a four year old you must call them Aunty and use ‘Er’ for them. For non yourba’s you use ‘O’ for someone who is younger or the same age as you, and you use ‘E’ for someone who is older, or as in the case of the Iyale and Baba le you use ‘Er’ for them. One of my Uncle’s wives has been using ‘Er’ for me, ever since I was a teenager. It irritates. She calls my brother who is 8years younger Uncle Tunde, and the other wives do it too to everyone born before they got married. Graduates o, not illiterates. The enlightened ones have been telling the wives that do it to stop it for ages, but the other side said no o. In fact, they went down hard on one new wife who “dared” send me on an errand at a family function. They said she had no respect, I am her Iyale. I should be sending her on errands. Shuuuuuu. So I’m Aunty Tolu to women old enough to be my boss. You won’t believe my bad luck. I was dating a guy where that was the norm in their family. They said I should use ‘Er’ for his sisters and brothers (he was the eldest) and not call them by name. I am older than 3 of his younger ones. The hypocrisy in their case is that, the younger children don’t call their older one’s sister or brother, so why they expected me to call his younger siblings Aunty and Uncle I don’t know. The buffoon said, ehn, for the sake of peace I should conform. I attended a family function, and they turned me to the help, while his younger sisters sat down. After all, I was the Iyawo, it is my duty, and he didn’t say anything. Shey I’m a Yoruba geh too, i know the status quo. Its just for a few hours na, what’s the big deal. Lets just say, I broke up with the ass, as I knew he would never defend me against his family.

    • omototun

      February 25, 2013 at 6:31 pm

      My (very educated) mum went hard on my aunty to do the same…I love that lady! the ela she politely kept giving my mum was the fact that since we are now family we became her younger siblings too….at some point she was almost rude!! my mum reported her to me and I was like “ehn ehnnn….o ga o” in the most sarcastic way ever….rubbish!!
      live and let live like Atoke said, cos I don’t know how my uncle’s wife calling me sisi or aunty would let love grow in the family!! and If she does disrespect me in anyway, I would deal with the situation appropriately as I would with any other nuisance…..**EvilGrin**

  12. Sonia

    February 25, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    The whole thing of people wanting to be addressed as mothers (as this post suggests) is f**ed up. Point blank period!
    And seriously, why do women insist on all this false ideas of womanhood???!!! The worst is when they even insist on being called their husby’s 1st AND last names e.g. imagine Michelle Obama calls herself Mrs Barack Obama?! And some women fight to be called like this too. Dunno wether it’s low self esteem or something. Hisssss

    • To Sonia

      February 25, 2013 at 12:54 pm

      Toh, my friends middle name no longer exists. Her names are Funlola Olamide S. When she got married to Adebayo O. She became Funlola Adebayo O. I had to ask, that shu, why na. She said her husband prefers it like that. I said to her, in solidarity, why didnt he change his name to Adebayo Olamide O. So that you both swap middle names, she laughed. She even wanted to hyphenate her surname, so that she keeps her fathers name too as she is the only child, and being female, she wanted to hang unto her dad’s name to show his consideration since her parents didn’t have a son. Her husband said no, and he kuku obliterated the middle name her parents gave her, as if it is not bad enough that she is married now, and has to drop her fathers name. I tire.

    • ty

      August 11, 2014 at 11:23 am

      But she is Mrs Barack Obama…doh…

  13. FlyHijabi

    February 25, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Yorubas eh! I can’t stop laughing at all these comments…… My friend got married and refered to her brother in-law as brother his name. His sister got mad and said my friend has no respect,that if she calls her brother in-law brother,what will she call her husband??? My friend asked what she should call them and the woman said she should call the brother Uncle and call her husband Daddy. Shoo???man wey I just marry?

    • Pd

      February 25, 2013 at 9:15 pm

      Even if i don marry am tey tey….daddy who? Daddy tani? Hmmmmm…….. Winchi tinz! I go show her pepper!

  14. Annie

    February 25, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    Anty Atoke..lol..i remember while growing up my mum insisted i and my younger sisters call our elder sister “anty” and our elder brother “uncle” we refused and explained to her that they are our siblings and are neither her sister n brother or my dads siblings, we were punished until we used vex and started calling my sis “anty” but my elder brother warned us not to call him “uncle” cos he isn’t our uncle, till date my elder sister is “anty”, i am ibo not yoruba..funny thing is that it still does not go down well joor. I actually bliv it’s a sign of respect for people older than us as i also call my older cousins “anty” too. 🙁

  15. Priscy

    February 25, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Afriend of mine who I have not seen since secondary school days came to visit and then she heard my kid sis calling me by name, she called my sis aside and said she should learn to respect me and address me as Aunty XYZ. The next time my sis called me Aunty XYZ, I warned her that even if I get married she should never ever refer to me as Aunty as I am her sister and not her father/mother’ sister.

  16. been there

    February 25, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Its more tricky when dealing with the in-laws. i am from the east and in my family rarely use the prefixes of sister this or aunty that for siblings and cousins. however, i recently met my boyfriend’s elder sister who is about 39 with 3 kids and i’m struggling as to how i address her. he addresses her by her 1st name. but given that he’s older than me by about 9 years,i decided it will be ‘Sister B….’ i’m just curious as to his reaction

  17. Mz Socially Awkward...

    February 25, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Chei, Atoke, chop one mango for me abeg. I so miss Mango season, it’s not even funny…

    And on this matter!!! In fact, I was going to write BN and ask why you guys haven’t yet written an article to address this “Sister/Brother/Daddy/Mummy” issue which plagues us as Nigerians.

    Don’t misunderstand me, I will accord respect where it is due but I used to live in Port Harcourt when I was based in Nigera, where I never really noticed any of these appendages to people’s names. Fast forward to when I moved over to the UK and started attending a mainly yoruba-populated church. All of a sudden, it was “ah, call this person sister-this, call that person brotha-that”. The one I was most uncomfortable was calling the pastor & his wife “Mummy and Daddy”. EHN??? Let my mother hear of such sacrilege, woman wey no born me, I dey call “Mummy”. But I do believe in giving respect to whom respect is due so I settled on a more comfortable “Ma & Sir”.

    As for the ones who insist, I and my friend have now determined to quickly calculate ages and if you turn out to be in the same generation as us (by which I mean anything within 5 years of my own age), na your name we go call you oh. If the thing vex you, I go just call you “Mr/Mrs Somebody”. The same “Mr./Mrs. Somebody” rule applies to anyone above the age of my generation and lower than the age of my parents. You aint my sister, bro or Aunty! And like you already pointed out Atoke, when the same people go to work with some oyibo teenagers, do they insist on the requirement that you put “Sister” or “Brother” before their names? The answer is an emphatic ‘Mba’.

    I’ll leave you with a funny story of what happened to me at work once. We had a meeting with a client, a Nigerian O&G operator and prior to the meeting date I had been corresponding with certain individuals on the usual first-name basis as you do in a western work environment. Na im the meeting come happen and I discovered that one of my correspondents was actually an elderly Nigerian gentleman who I’d been calling “Peter” in those emails. The man sef come eye me well, realising that I was Nigerian myself so wetin I wan call am during the meeting? Na him name I use oh, from the start until the end of the business section. Then to redeem myself, as we exchanged pleasantries afterwards, I come use “Sir” address am when the oyibo people don comot, make e no too vex.

    HAHA! Ngierian life and it’s culture wey dey like MTN slogan – wherever you go.

  18. Ms Pedro

    February 25, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    Like I say to people because I call you aunty X does not mean you want get burnt by my tongue or I will respect you. If I call you by your 1st name and you deserve my respect you will get loads of it in comparison to aunty X or mummy Moyo..

    A friend of mine slightly older, same age as my husband decided to start calling him uncle Ayo, I was uncomfortable but she insisted that she was not changing it. She got married before me and her husband is 7 years older, I started calling him too uncle Femi abi now..

  19. Ore

    February 25, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Atoke, for the religious part, title calling or name calling is not an issue unless the individual regards it as one or if the religious organization has a particular culture (not the culture of the individual people from their respective backgrounds) they uphold.
    For example, Christians generally refer to each other as brother or sister simply because we believe we brothers and sisters Christ. We then add the name, e.g Bro. John, for identification purposes when speaking, since there are so many of us. The Pastors, Ministers, Reverends, Bishops are obviously titles that accord respect normally. The same way you would respect President Obama, by adding President before his name when speaking or writing, even in his absence, is the same way you address them. However, individual preferences and individual culture should be taken into consideration.

    Some people who are ministers and so on (sticking to Christianity, that’s all I know), do not want to be referred to by their titles, while others do. In addition, some members of the church would rather be referred to as ‘Mr. XYZ’ or simply by their first name, regardless of the age of the person referring to them. Other titles now come in based on each individual’s background. For example, if you attend a predominantly Nigerian, in specific Yoruba church, you would meet the Yoruba culture head on. That’s where you would hear people calling unrelated people ‘aunty and uncle.’ The same goes for other tribes. I know that Benin people have a way of greeting people older than them.

    Whether or not individuals decide to follow the ‘added culture’ is up to them as long as they realise they would step on some toes, especially if there are alot of older people in that gathering. There are various cultures in various organizations that we are a part of, even at work, that we do not agree with but comply because it’s not worth fighting. I feel that’s the same way with this name-calling thing. If the person wants to be called aunty or uncle, call them by that. It doesn’t change any judgement you have about them. It just feeds their ego. And if you’re from a culture that does that, well you can either accept or reject it, just be aware of the consequences.

  20. neon

    February 25, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    when people begin to force this whole call me aunty or call me uncle down ur throats, its annoying, a friend of mine would call her older cousins uncle and aunty, and one particular cousin got on her nerves one day and she went uncle B, why ti e se n se bi eni ti ori e o pe (why r u acting like one whos not well in d head) hows that for respect.

  21. yemi olas

    February 25, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    dats how my cousin started using E for her boyfreind immediately after introduction(d same boyfreind we use to diss together when they were dating) and upon marraige and one baby started calling him daddy ayo(even her mom too), i dont just understand the hypocricy behind it all, i can say uncle jacob e gbadun or e serious(dere is uncle dere its not abusive abi) den my close freind has warned me to inform my siblings to start calling her aunty mosun or call her mummy dami cos her status has changed now.
    *IM JUST INDIFFERENT*

  22. Nshina

    February 25, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Nice post! Mehn, I’m so not down with the whole ‘Aunty this’ and ‘Uncle that’ for siblings. I’m the oldest child in my mom’s family so cousins always try the aunty thing with me.I always insist that they call me by my first name.
    I was gisting my colleagues just this morning that I lived with my mom’s younger brother for a while in Uni in Jos. One day their neighbour came to the house and asked ‘How is your mummy?’
    Surprised, I answered, ‘She’s is fine’
    ‘Where is she?’, she asked.
    ‘Kaduna’, I replied.
    ‘No, I mean where is she?’, she asked again pointing towards to bedroom.
    Well, long story short, I no gree the woman o. Until she asked for my aunty. My mom is older than the man of the house. I see no reason why I should call his wife mummy. She’s my aunty, period!!
    So, it seems that it is not only cultural but also societal. Everyone just de do their own as they feel like.

  23. Iamme

    February 25, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    I had a similar experience with my “aunty” ( hold up let me figure out how we’re related- my uncle’s wife’s sister, so my in-law, I guess?) She lived with my uncle in Abuja and whenever I visited them, I had a hard time calling her aunty because she really isn’t my aunt. It got annoying because I would say aunty to refer to my uncle’s wife and they’ld both turn around and I had to be specific on which aunty I was referring to. Okay, this “aunty” recently moved to Houston and called me to let me know she was also here in Texas with me. What’s funny was I’ve never had her number and when she called she expected me to know it was her . I immediately thought dude come on, it’s been like five years I spoke to you in PERSON. When I couldn’t tell it was her from her voice, she introduced herself as “Aunty Ebele.” I don’t have any aunty by that name so it took a little while before I knew it was her. Fast forward a few months later, she called again and me with my hearty mood and self chuckled out “Ebele!” I was just about to ask her how she liked Houston so far when she snapped “Eeeh eeh, don’t call me Ebele oh, I’m not your mate! And so if I don’t call, you cannot call me, abi?” My first thought was excuse you? You demand I call you Aunty, on top of it, you demand I call you on the phone. As what na?

    I agree meehn.. calling people Aunty this and Uncle that, especially for people that demand it can get to a whole different level.

    • Nshina

      February 28, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      Hahahaha! It’s just ridiculous really.

  24. Iamme

    February 25, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Oh I meant to say, it was when I figured out it was her after she introduced herself was when I thought ” really? it’s been a few years now. How am I to know it’s you?”

  25. Tolani

    February 25, 2013 at 4:45 pm

    I call my friend’s husband Uncle Peter as a joke, I hope you don’t mind boo. I have some older cousins who when they get married they expect us to call them ‘Sister’. No problem, I am generally selectively mute around family members so I don’t have much need to call them or refer to them. When I need to call them or speak to them I get into their line of vision and start talking. They have younger ones whom I am older than but those ones call them by their first names. I hardly see them and never call them, so I can’t be bothered.

  26. Ronke

    February 25, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    How about this. My mum is from a large polygamous home, so any sibling or cousin older than my mum is called MUMMY or DADDY. The rationale, I still don’t get, almost 29years after. You are my mothers brother, elder or not, you are my Uncle. Same for the women, but nooooooo, if they are older than your mum/dad, automatically they are elevated to the tag MUMMY/DADDY. Only the ones younger or right about the same age as my mum can be called Aunty or Mummy so so so. It gets more complicated. If the one’s around my mum’s age or slightly younger have children older than you, forget that they are younger relatives of your mum o, they too get elevated to the tag MUMMY/DADDY. See Confusion o. At family functions, mummy, daddy just floats around like pure water. A group of women are sitting down, because you cant call them Aunty Lagbaja or Aunty Tamedo which distinctly identifies the person, you say mummy and 6 heads respond. Which of the mummy’s are you calling. It is so annoying. I tried to buck the trend one party, and called one or two of them Aunty, you would have thought I committed blasphemy or something, the way they reacted. My mum spent half the time apologising on my behalf. She didn’t teach me like that, she doesn’t know where I got that asha pala pala from. Awon egbon mi lo pe ni Aunty (you called my older sisters Aunty). You are so rude. BBM Confused Smiley. I can’t call my mother’s sisters Aunty. Toh, I give up

  27. Ronke

    February 25, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    For example, if an Aunty’s first child is Segun, and everyone calls her Mummy Segun. If that Segun is older than you, woe betide you call her Mummy Segun, because by doing so, you are indirectly calling Segun by name, which is not allowed. So, you call that Aunty Mummy, even if she is younger than your mum. What the freaking hell!!!!!!!
    Also, if the family member is older than your mum, when you kneel down to greet, your knees must touch the ground, no funky half a second squatting, which passes for kneeling to greet. It gets worse. You start with one knee (the way a man proposes), and seconds after, you follow with the other knee until both touch the ground. Thats the proper way of greeting. The one of you kneel with both knees half way like squatting, or you go down with both knees at the same time is DISRESPECTFUL. You can only do that for family members younger than your mum. I swear, I can’t marry a Yoruba man, igbo people get their wahala too, hausa, my dad will faint. So, I should better start batting my eyelids to those white boys toasting me. Lol

  28. let it be

    February 25, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    lmao…..my sister told me to stop calling him by his first name….I was like ok o!!I already knew her style na….. The same sister was the one that complained that my mum didn’t love her for not making us call her sister, cos she calls my older ones with the same age diff “broda” ……My mum was like, please leave me alone, dem never call you sister you dey bully everybody for the family, your older ones included and even if me if I slack…lmao!! . Its more a personality thing than it is cultural jare!…
    Plus money talks ooo….my people, wait till you make a truck load of money!! All these sisters and brothers will call even your children daddy and mummy!!

    • let it be

      February 25, 2013 at 8:42 pm

      “him” …being my sister’s husband

  29. Adeori

    February 25, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    This chick that my brother had drunk sex with turned out pregnant..Knew her prior from the social scene n often called her by name
    Now she insist that me n my other Siblings call her ” Mommy *****”…. Annoying Somebody..
    Told her She Cant Demand Respect.You Earn It…..

    P.S- 4Years later and we are still on the matter- family meeting after family meeting
    It Cant Happen,At Least Not With Me…Sigh!Baby Mama Drama

  30. slimgirl

    February 25, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    In my family, my siblings and I were not really spaced, its like my parents were in a hurry to get over with the child birth thing. . My oldest brother , who is the first child, is about 6 years older than me. I am the last child.We are Igbos and never called our older siblings sister this or brother that The day after my brother’s wedding, when we returned from church, someone needed my brothers attention and i called him a bit loudly as he was not paying attention. As soon as i called him, His wife of less than 24 hours tapped me and said ” don’t you think its disrespectful to be calling my husband by his first name? I don’t like it and you would have to refer to him differently going forward”. I was so shocked! You needed to have seen her face, like she had been waiting to tell me off. i instantly told her that the fact that he was married didn’t make him require a new name. I had called him by his name for all my life and that was not going to change overnight simply because he got married! Some women sha! SMH

    • ikunkun

      February 25, 2013 at 8:44 pm

      haaaaa!!! this your story pain me oh!!

  31. chinco

    February 25, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    Its ridiculous, my sister who practises abroad suddenly had the bright idea my brother n I should call her aunty, as if her colleagues or students can call her aunty. D 2nd born tried to follow, they got tired of it when they kept correcting and I kept ignoring. I just told them it made me think even less of them if they can be bothered by ridiculous nomenclatures/ prefixes

  32. anon

    February 25, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Funny enough I don’t mind but I do get pissed off when my cousin who is younger than my younger sibling talks to me and refers to me in the way he does his mates, Something which my younger sibling just doesn’t do. I will call you what you want.

  33. esteelauder

    February 25, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    so if i call my father’s elder sister mummy and she has a child called Kola, who is older than me, that means i’d call her “mummy brother Kola”. this is just stress

  34. R

    February 25, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    I grew up calling people older than me “Aunt”, “Uncle”, “Mr”, Mrs.
    I didn’t use “Sister”, “Broda”, “Daddy soso”, “Mummy soso”

    For the most part, I still stick to using Mr/Mrs/Ma/Sir when dealing with Nigerians significantly older than me. I’ve always called house staff using Mr/Aunty regardless of their age.

    Recently, however, I worked at an office (in Nigeria) where first names where used, regardless of whether the person was old enough to be my father or not, and regardless of seniority. I think this was largely because the company was a MNC. To be honest, I found it refreshing. I think there’s a lot of chaff in calling someone by their title, unless you’re making a point of it. You can address someone respectfully without calling them by some fancy title, and on the flip side you could be very disrespectful while calling someone by their title.

    That being said, outside work, in family settings, best believe I’m saying “Aunty/Ma this, Uncle that…” I no fit use first names, I’m not comfortable with it (out of custom) plus my parents would kill me if they heard me, lol.

    The issue of Mummy this, Daddy that, Sister/Broda this/that that one is not even possible. I no fit.

    I’d also be very upset if someone called me Sister this. I’m not sure I’d like the idea of being called Mummy this/that. However, I’m not in that position yet so I can’t say a 100%, who knows I just might bask in it lol

    My younger cousins call me “Aunty” and it irks me cuz it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something serious plus it’s just weird. I corrected them but their mum told me not to let them call me by first name as she wants them to know the custom esp as they aren’t growing up in Nigeria.

    I know I will not be calling any of my friends when they have kids Mummy/Daddy this/that.

  35. sunflowaa

    February 26, 2013 at 11:58 am

    hahhahahaha…….nigerians pay attention to the dumbest of all things……having a mrs or mr in front of your name is not a sign of respect ,its rather an illusion of what respect is……
    Mummy moyo or mummy bukky is not a sign of womanhood….i have friends who think you should respect them more because they are married and now have kids but i see them as jobless idle peoples……………….what happens to those who adopt????they cant be called mummy lisa ni……..Nigerians are horrible and childish in things like this.People who cant have children esp the women go through a lot emotional which is lame.I pray that every woman’s womb blesses her with children in her matrimonial home on time……..in Jesus name>>>BIG BIG AMEN…..And to friends who insist on mummy moyo and Mrs,i wish them the best though i distanced myself from such shalllow minds.

    Am also not a fan of bearing your hubby’s middle name ;its LAME!!!!!!!!!!!Nigerians open your eyes and stop being “EDUCATED ILLITERATES”………….

  36. @ajiriavae

    February 26, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    I truly and honestly think that insisting on being called by the title of ‘Mrs’ or ‘Mama’ is just a sign of a ‘local’ upbringing. Because even my mum’s friends and family (except those far younger than her) called her by her name. It was just people that met her later in life that refered to her as Mama Lagbaja. And she accepted it but never sort it out. So I always find it amusing when people insist. And when I find myself with such a character, I find that I stop relating with the person. I don’t need the drama.
    ajiristyle.blogspot.com/

  37. AMEN

    February 26, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    my cousin got married, though she is older than i am but we all go by our first names. but within a week she got married, my big sister called her and they were talking and she asked of me my sister gave me the fone to talk to her so i went off calling her the name we all call her this chick went off on me “dont u ever! ever! call me by that again, dont u know am a married woman now, if u dont know my last name dont even call me at all”. am like ah (my jaw literally dropped all the way to the floor). am like “me” call u by ur husbands last name when all my life i’ve always known u by ur nickname. we no dey kukuma talk like we used to sha, since shes married and am still on my way there.

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