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Cold Sweat & Shivers! 9 Reasons Why I’m Scared of Getting Married



My parents had a wonderful marriage and would probably still be together to this day, had my father not passed away. My parents were best friends first and lovers after; you only had to be around them, to see proof of true real love.

Love is a beautiful, ever changing feeling and to share that with someone for the rest of your life is a commendable thing to do but marriage is a massive step and shouldn’t be taken lightly. There are so many factors to be considered and because of that I just don’t know if I could do it.

I’m a pretty confident woman but the idea of marriage scares me. I get cold sweats in the night and literally shake at the term.

So why am I scared of marriage?

1. Commitment – It’s no secret that guys especially African guys have commitment problems. Don’t get me wrong, I know women cheat but I‘m talking from a female point of view. It’s the norm in our culture, for the husband to have a mistress/girlfriend. The media everyday tells us men are afraid of commitment, that they’re scared of marriage. In my relationships, I expect 100% commitment from my guy, now if I marry, it’s not just me who expects that commitment, it’s GOD too.

Both of us stood in front of that altar and pledged honesty and trust amongst other things, for that reason alone I know I can’t cheat. Now in a marriage, I wouldn’t be able to cope with his infidelity problems and would most likely pack my bags and leave. This would result in divorce, a concept unheard in my family; GOD forbid such a thing! I can’t imagine a guy wanting to sleep with the same girl everyday for the rest of his life and be faithful? I don’t think its possible, and if its not possible then marriage isn’t for me.

2. I am Not Crazy Wealthy – Now I’m Yoruba and the only female girl in my family, there is no escaping the fact that my wedding if there ever was one, would be over the top! All that money spent on lace, Ankara, jewelery, catering, the venue is more than enough to open two business depending on what you want. It’s been drilled in our heads as young girls that our weddings have to be fancy and spectacular as seen on blogs Any wedding less than that is seen as inadequate because as Nigerians, we always have to overdo and overcompensate. It’s impossible for an average person to spend thousands of Pounds/Naira/Dollars on one single day only and then be struggling for the rest of your life. I would rather spend that on lace weave or a car anything really but not to just spend it on a day.

3. Happily Married? –  I am surrounded by negative images of marriages, comedians make fun of it, aunties will take you to the side and warn you and the divorce rates don’t help either. As I said before, my parents marriage was happy compared to the hundreds of unhappy marriages that I know of. My parents marriage was one in a million, I’m not that lucky nor do I feel that hopeful. So chances of me having a happy marriage is pretty slim at best.

4. I Want Freedom! – In fact I demand it. I’m at the age when I’m just about to start living my life and doing whatever the heck I want to do. In the eyes of my mother, I’m 24 and ripe for marriage. I’m supposed to get married, have kids and be a proud Mrs whoever without ever finding out who I am or what I wanna do. My needs and dreams will be different from when I’m in my 30’s and 40’s and so on but because of my ‘marriage’ I will be forced to forever compromise on that, no thank you. I’m selfish like that.

5. How Do I Know He’s The One? – He could be the one I need in my life now but not later, he could be my later but not now. Who knows? Someone better could come along that would be your Mr perfect when you’re already married, then you’ll struck in those unhappy marriages we hear about so many times. Everyone says pray about it, but wait, do you think all those unhappy wives/husbands didn’t pray either? I am not and will never doubt the power of GOD but I don’t want to be those people who prayed and are still unhappy.

6. What If? – When I think of marriage, I think ‘what if the guy gets seriously ill? Am I physically and mentally strong enough to deal with that? Or what if the person suddenly becomes abusive to me, would I now stay in that marriage because of the so called sanctity of marriage, just so I’m not labelled with divorcee? Because whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger right? But when he eventually does kill me, people can say at my funeral ‘Well, at least she wasn’t divorced’. If people don’t know, marriage can and will kill.

7. Extra Set of Parents – Do I really want in-laws that will be constantly nagging and poking their nose where they don’t need to be. His mum haranguing me on how to run a house, how to cook my husband’s food and where are her grandchildren? I had a hard time getting on with my parents, adding another set of parents to the mix is something entirely different.

8. Perfection – I make mistakes, act foolish at times and generally just goof around. It’s normal, I’m human. I feel like if I was to marry, I would have to be perfect all times. Cook when I don’t feel like it, socialise when I’m not up to it, even make love when I don’t feel like doing it and the list goes on. Since I am Mrs whoever, all those things would be expected of me whether I liked it or not and as I’ve said I like my freedom.

9. Extra Mouth to Feed – I can never and will never rely on a man, I have seen way too many women do such and fail miserably. In my marriage, both of us have to be working, so I would get an extra person to look after but not an extra provider dependant on the person I wished to marry. Not a massive fear but a fear nonetheless.

So those are my 9 reasons of being scared of marriage. If I happen to find a guy who grants me freedom, will never get sick, will stay committed to me, has parents that live on the other side of the world and will act like a normal decent human being, I think I could probably get over my fear of marriage. Do you sometimes get a fear of marriage? If you are married, how did you overcome those fears? Do people just outgrow those fears? What do you think? Please share your thoughts.

Photo Credit:

Charlene loves events and even loves planning them! You can follow her on Instagram: @Charleneodetola or send her a mail on [email protected]


  1. Jolla

    March 26, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    You are sure not emotionally ready to get married. When the time is right or you’re ripe enough, then you’ll have 25 reasons to get married.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      March 27, 2013 at 10:23 pm

      [email protected] great comeback..

      I am not sure all your reasons sat well with me, some came across childish and quite immature…. aye aye, it wasn’t supposed too…

      We all live to learn..

    • Me

      March 29, 2013 at 1:19 am

      i personally dont see any reason of hers as childish and immature..maybe she still has a lot to learn but they are her fears and rightly so. purpleicious babe. i always feel your comments but this was a real turn off!

    • Mrs

      March 29, 2013 at 9:14 pm

      Her fears are valid! I had these as well, especially after going through a terribly abusive relationship where the guy was violent and unfaithful. Ended it when I was 21. I got terrified of meeting someone new, especially cause of the cheating and abuse. I gave my life to Christ and by 22, I had a Masters, BSc and a managerial position, I also spent a lot of time traveling. Every single holiday since I was 17. So, I had a great time. I was fulfilled socially, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

      I then asked God to help me forgive those who had hurt me, forget and give me a new view on marriage, I made friends with inspirational married couples and just worked on myself. I made a vow to keep myself pure and holy. So many suitors came! So many! Lawyers, aero nautical engineers, with each one, I felt none were for me and my conversations with them matured me even more and helped me quickly spot suitors I shouldn’t even waste my time with. 2 months after my 23rd birthday, I met a great investment banker who was the perfect fit for me. He was everything I had prayed for and more, well travelled like me, well educated, well spoken and he was born again, celibate like me. Had the same views. I prayed to God about him and I was convinced he was the one. I liked him and felt peace but I had to be sure. We prayed together, fasted and sought counseling and I knew he was the one, so, I repledged my purity to God and submitted the relationship to Him. 7 months after meeting, he proposed to me and we got married the following year (1 year after meeting) when I was 24 and he was 28. Our first kiss was at the altar, a decision many people thought was extreme but everyday i live to rejoice in. I’m now 33 years old and constantly praising God for the day I met him 10 years ago. We’ve been happily married for 9 years with 7 year old identical twin girls and an adorable 6 year old son.

      There have been trials but my husband has always been committed to me and even more committed to God. He prays for me everyday, prays with the family and every night before we go to bed, he tells me he cant imagine what life would have been without me. we are both healthy, well to do and live in a 5 bedroom home in Lagos. We go on date night every single week and spend our anniversary together every year without the kids, except when we first had our twins. One day, I felt tired after a party and was knocked out upstairs, I woke up to overhear hubby downstairs with a friend, I wanted to say hello and as i walked down, I overheard the friend ask my husband why he had never cheated on me! I froze! I didn’t know and hubby said, he had never done it because this marriage was first of all a vow to God and then to me and he couldn’t do such a thing because everything he had ever asked God for, God had done and he would never risk his relationship with God for a few moments of pleasure. He then said, “besides my wife, makes that pretty hard to do, she’s everything I need, everything I want and I just couldn’t do that to her”. I just went back up to our room, got down on my knees and thanked God. Again, there have been misunderstandings but nothing crazy, we always smile, pray and make lots of love through 🙂

      But I was a fulfilled person before I met him and I had/have a great job I enjoy as well as a thriving business. we both earn 7 figures every month but we are grateful to God, pay our tithes and never stop thanking Him for this beautiful life.

      Don’t be scared! While Marriage doesn’t complete you, it is a beautiful, joyous and honorable thing when practiced by the right people and at the right time. So, girl enjoy yourself and look on the bright side.

    • d2

      April 1, 2013 at 7:07 pm

      The idea of this article was for y’all to reply to these:—– Do you sometimes get a fear of marriage? If you are married, how did you overcome those fears? Do people just outgrow those fears? What do you think? Please share your thoughts……………….i have read half of the comments and most of u r talking CRAP and criticizing the author. Mbok did she ask for your advise/opinions on whether her views are valid or not. some of you r writing telling her to grow up etc….ISITYOUR BUSINESS….I came to read your comments on what the author asked and not for y’all to give lectures about how immature and childish and bla bla…..please if you r not gonna follow the intended line of comments then stop commenting and save your opinions!!! stick to the purpose of the posts or click on the next post….

  2. Berry Dakara

    March 26, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    #10. Must cook like you invented Maggi Kitchen – I keep hearing that a woman isn’t “ready” to get married if she doesn’t cook everyday. That Nigerian men must eat garri/pounded yam/eba and soup EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Well, growing up, we didn’t eat like that in our family. For one thing, we like different kinds of food. Secondly, we don’t throw leftovers away! They’re leftover to be eaten the following day or so.

    And ok, fine, the last time I cooked soup was 3/4 years ago :p. I’m most definitely NOT a soup-cooker 😀

    • anonymous

      March 26, 2013 at 2:24 pm

      my sista my aunty cooks soup every day o, why because my uncle cannot eat the same soup twice. something i think it’s because she is a house wife. in my house everybody leaves in the morning father and mother to the office children to the school. my father doesn’t not expect my mother to cook soup every day.

    • Tiki

      March 26, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      My ex wouldn’t eat ‘sleeping’ soup too so I had to cook every day when we were in the same house, me who NEVER gets home before 7pm o! but to be honest he would prepare everything and I’d just come and throw in the pot, or he’d even cook the soup himself. Made it bearable.

    • Mr. Tee

      March 26, 2013 at 2:53 pm

      LOL @ “For one thing, we like different kinds of food. Secondly, we don’t throw leftovers away! They’re leftover to be eaten the following day or so.” Classic!

  3. gem ma

    March 26, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    pls wat is the point of telling us ur fears young lass?very stupid essay…am tired of this marriage man’s food is another man’s poison.if u enter marriage with a positive mind and with ur best friend and lover it would work for u.if u enter with a negative mind and with someone u barely know or just have a crush on…ur own don kpari!

  4. Xala

    March 26, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    I do understand your fears, funny thing is at 27, am still scared of marriage. Funny thing is, I have never been jilted, the relationships end when they start talking marriage. Why? Me sef do not know. However, my reasons is not majorly the one outlined above, I believe a man can be faithful, have wonderful parents, be a decent human being and be very healthy too. Marriage is not all about you, its about loving and sharing your life with someone else. I see so wise, right? Then why am I scared, maybe its the idea that once people come too close its get boring, they get tired, I get tired. But, am learning, dealing with my issues and someday soon, I will have the courage to walk down that aisle

    • jumoke

      March 26, 2013 at 3:29 pm

      I with you on this one oooo! i hope we have the courage soonest.

    • nana

      March 28, 2013 at 9:02 pm

      Xala u took the words out of my mouth just how i feel.still praying about it tho

  5. Same here

    March 26, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    I thought I was the only one who thought abt these things and I don’t mention it to people cos I kinda feel like they will judge me for thinking like that…especially the parents bit and added siblings (not massively excited abt that)…if you eventually do get some sensible suggestions…let us know 🙂

  6. Poshlady

    March 26, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    At least someone who isn’t crazy about marriage and is thinking of the danger s ahead,unlike most people who are oblivious to the fact that marriage isn’t everything. I strongly believe that marriage isn’t for everyone but then in this time and age,being unmarried feels like a big deal because our society has made it sha I must marry oh..hehe

  7. Florida

    March 26, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    U are definitely not even close to ready for marriage.but at 24, u seriously need to grow up.

  8. Mama mia!!!

    March 26, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    This write up has to be the worst I have read in years and I am a lady (Feminist). You are a pessimist, you need to review your thoughts and self again. Especially, since your parents were happily married, It’s just weird that you fear something you admired, if you feel this way, what are the ladies from broken homes to say? I ope you find your answers soon…

    • Let them say

      March 26, 2013 at 11:03 pm

      Big thumb up for your comment

    • Ifanyonecares

      March 29, 2013 at 12:13 am

      being a pessimist does not make it a bad article. you may say you don’t agree but I don’t see you’d criticize her writing. BTW good job writer

    • opemipo

      April 11, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      you don’t understand …hmm my folks have the best of marriage yet m so scared of marriage, i feel i cant have the type of marriage they have. P.S am 21 and m so scared of commitment, i always run away from d relationship the moment the guy says its serious

  9. Superwoman

    March 26, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    The only thing I agree with here is number 1 ( commitment )
    I have a phobia for being cheated on *God help me*

    • again

      March 26, 2013 at 11:11 pm

      Me too!!!That is the only no no for me. i don’t favor men/women cheating…and most especially in any marriage! at least relationships are less serious. #1

    • Twerrzzz

      March 28, 2013 at 6:39 am

      Kpom….I’d remain single than risk being cheated on. I just know a cheating man will be the end of me. I am a strong woman…but my strength can’t handle cheating.

  10. Peachy_mo

    March 26, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    Now this sound selfish and self centered. Thank God marriage is not for everyone as you don’t seem to understand the word SACRIFICE in its entirety. So its OK

    you are 24 now right? out of curiosity I’ll like to hear your view 5yrs from now when you are 29.

    • reggy

      April 10, 2013 at 3:33 pm

      she said shes scared,not that she dosent want to buh that she dosent know how to.Ever heard of ‘phobia?

  11. Buchi

    March 26, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    My sentiments exactly,

    These are not real reasons!

    24 may be ripe for marriage to some but not all 24 year olds are emotionally mature enough to delve into the kind of commitment that marriage demands

    Case in point….

    • Trust me you haven’t met the ONE. When you meet him all those fears will fly out of the window and you will be the one making excuses for his seeming weaknesses and thinking of the many was u can get him to wife you up. I always tell my friends that think like this “when you finally meet that special one i hope your answer will remain the same”… but i do get where the writer is coming from though

  12. O.D

    March 26, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    as early as nineteen i had suitors good guys, i was scared & didnt understand why all these men wanted my hand in marriage, i didnt meet a man that didnt want to marry me. i will be thirty later this year & also planning my wedding with my current boyfreind. but trust me i wish i knew wat i know now then….i would have been happily married with kids. cos i thot this men dont know me they just see a pretty gal (& i didnt even think i was dat fine) but nobody is perfect, will i know wat to cook for my hubby? i am quite a good cook so why did i allow my fears stop me. lack of wisdom i will say. Its consistent in my prayers now Lord, give me wisdom!

    • Eni

      March 28, 2013 at 5:30 pm

      so you would have married anyone? dont you see you were not ready then?

  13. Bammo

    March 26, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Grow up? You roll your eyes (in abbreviation) at another persons’ opinion and She’s the one that needs to grow up?
    Because she doesn’t conform to society rules and prefers to think independently she needs to grow up? What in this article suggests that she is not grown up?

    • beeess

      March 26, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      God Bless you oh! I wonder

    • Tosin

      March 26, 2013 at 5:43 pm

      Preach it. Agree. I also “fear” marriage.

    • Eni

      March 28, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      Do u hav 2 b treated badly b4 u grow up Bammo?

  14. IzzieMedula

    March 26, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Why do we insist on putting people down? Everybody has a right to his/her own feelings or opinions.
    Cos she shared her fears here now means she’s immature? We all have our different fears and I relate very much to some of hers. The moment we all stop lying to ourselves and pretend to be who we are not, accepting the next person for who they are, the better the world will be.

    My dear, keep praying and believe that God will make everything ok when the time is right.

  15. Tiki

    March 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    looooooooooool. I don’t blame you, Charlene. The thought of marriage scares me too. The first time I got proposed to, I laughed and told him to please get up from his kneeling position coz he was ruining his good trousers. The second time, I was like yes of course, then followed with ‘this is a joke, right’? In fact, when a guy says marriage, the lights in my head start flashing R for ‘Red’ and ‘Run!’

    Thank God my mother is not on bellanaija.

    Btw, you didn’t mention fear of kids. Imagine having to take a person with you, EVERYWHERE YOU GO for at least 5 years, or be hurrying back to them. I just can’t wrap my head around it yet. You can’t send a kid back or even run away for a while, like you can do with a grown husband.

    I think I have some more mental settling down to do, before I (ever) get hitched yo!

    • Iphie

      March 26, 2013 at 3:24 pm

      lol. You are so so funny!

    • Amazeballs!!!

      March 26, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      Lool! Tiki I feel you men and I’m married. Pls take your time, ALL the time you need because it is indeed not a bed of roses.

    • lily

      March 26, 2013 at 5:20 pm

      hahahahaha….lol Tiki you are a clown seriously!

    • Chic

      March 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      lol it’s like you are reading my mind on the kids department. I love my nieces and nephews but after spending an entire day with them I am usually in jubilation when returning them to their parents so having my own that I can’t return to anyone scares the hell out of me.

    • Dupe

      April 15, 2013 at 4:19 pm

      I like your comment, got me laughing real hard esp the kids part. U wan kill them? Nice comment

  16. nich

    March 26, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    you are yoruba….hmmmmm…….anyway from what i read i think that your feelings are normal, but i also believe that you are not yet ready to be married. You still want more freedom that makes you want to remain single…………….and if his parents lives on the other side of the world, so the parents of your husband to be must be living abroad………..what i conclude is that you may not be destined to marry, there are people like that.

    on the aspect of commitment, i do not get it when you said that you do not think that a guy will be sleeping with a girl for the rest of their his life. there are so many good men out there like me who will be committed in their relationships. the best way to find the person of your destiny is to engage in a dialogue with the person that you are going out with. secondly, never see yourself as perfect and be ready to compromise when you need to……..

  17. Asi

    March 26, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    Childish, immature rant. Like seriously, BN how did you guys approve this. When I saw her age, I thought that is not an excuse, at 24 even though I didn’t have marriage on my mind (not even close), I didn’t rant like this. My sister is 24, and is waaaaay more mature, so are a lot of 24yr olds I know. I guess life has happened to you differently. Grow up dear, there’s a lot of wisdom and knowledge that comes from it. Marriage is about love, and love is about putting someone’s needs first before your own, and when it is reciprocated, it is the best feeling in the world. You are obviosuly not ready to put someone else’s needs before your own, and that is quite sad really, because you are hopefully going to be a parent one day, and that’s the greatest test of selflessness. So maybe you should get a dog or a cat, and practice love with it, maybe you’ll see things differently. For soemone who grew up with a great example of marriage (which most of us weren’t that lucky), I tire from where your mentality comes from o. There must be something in the air at Bournemouth. Considering it is a beautiful coastal city, I don’t know what to say again

    • Bliss

      March 26, 2013 at 4:33 pm

      How condescending. To each his own. Because she doesn’t have the same view with you, you feel sorry for her and she needs to grow up. Your ignorance is showing Asi! Acceptance is a quality reserved for only the learned, so you are quite excused. Thank me later!

    • Amazeballs!!!

      March 26, 2013 at 4:55 pm

      Please just zip it! If anything, what uve just put up is the immature rant. She has every right to say how she feels, if you’re not happy, move along. Schewzzzzzzzzz.

    • magh

      March 26, 2013 at 8:11 pm

      how stupid can you get !!!! when was is compulsory to marry ?? so at 24 I HAVE TO GET MARRIED ?? or at least not get scared ? lets be honest here..marriage is scary because you get to think about not just yourself but other people as well… I believe most girls get married because their friends are or just because of the society… I love kids but I’m scared of the whole birthing process and living with someone “forever” ? thats scary. My parents are not the best example of a happy married life.. they’ve been married for 21 years but my mom wants out and we all understand and support this. Having experienced this, I am scared and I dont know if I want to get married. So do not insult her because her opinions do not go well you or the society.. MOST OF YOU MARRIED PEOPLE ARE JUST THERE FOR THE STATUS.. peace

    • iCrossmYheart

      March 26, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      I am sorry but your RANT is childish. The author states she IS NOT READY. Marriage is not beans and garri and there are moments in every marriage where love is tested. This is where the mind rules over the heart. The mind has to develop to the point where meaningless arguments will not cripple the foundation of the marriage. The author is still developing. The mere fact that she claims she is scared is an indication that she is not mentally and emotionally ready to accommodate the desires of another individual.

      Nothing childish about being honest with oneself. I commend someone like her to someone who goes into marriage because someone claimed it is all about love. It is more than the heart can bear.

    • Lolita

      March 26, 2013 at 9:53 pm

      If you can compare this comment to Charlene’s and say it is childish, then you don’t know what childish means. Who says love cannot see you through tough times? Who says love won’t let you get hurt or hurt someone else, who says love won’t let you use your mind? That is where you iCrossmyheart are being childish, if you see love as only a function of the heart. Love is encompassing of your entire being, love doesn’t stop you from thinking rationally. Those that throw all caution to the wind because they say they are in love, don’t know what love is. They are living a Mills and Boon fairytale. Love is strong, love his firm, love can sometimes be harsh, if it is in the best interest of the other person. Love puts someone else’s needs before your own like Asi said. Ask those who are in successful marriages, who love their spouse dearly, if they have never made decisions with their mind, or if they haven’t hurt their spouses. Love doesn’t shut down your mind, instead it strengthens it. If you are not ready to get hurt, you are not ready for love. We are living in the Grace and the abundance of His Love, we fall short of His Grace, but He still loves us. With one hand a parent punishes a child, and brings it closer. Love may have many variations depending on the relationship, but at the core of it, it is the same. There’s a difference between not being ready and comparing a wedding ceremony that will be a celebration that is shared, that doesn’t just involve only you to buying a lace wig or a car only you will enjoy. That is childish. I can point out other examples that she made too. Or that one is just scared too? It is one thing to admit to being scared, it is another thing to give some “one kind” reasons to back it up. Its okay to be scared, but don’t wallow in immaturity and use it as a shield. My “opinion”

    • Coco C

      March 28, 2013 at 12:18 pm

      Asi, THANK YOU!!!! well said.. I rest my case.. I read the article and was like really?? A tad too immature but then again I guess she needed to write this here so she can perhaps garner some ‘wheat out of chaff’ which one normally reads on this website in the name of ‘advise’! Don’t worry Charlene, I give you 2 years max and your views will change! In the meantime, enjoy your freedom and be wise with it!

    • anonymous 99

      March 30, 2013 at 5:42 am

      babe u dont need to insult the girl. because u have no fears doesnt mean other dont have fears. nawa for all our perfect little miss self righteous girls these days. someone cant make a statement without being attacked. i too have my own fears doe they arent as bad as hers but i havent lived her life or seen what she has seen so i cant understand her fears. thats why im not judging her. you should do the same. your advice makes sense doe

  18. Lin. Lo.

    March 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    All I can say is marriage is can seem like “WORK”. It ain’t ez.

  19. MelonX

    March 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    BN – you guys are slipping o! We expect better well thought of article. This author is either very silly or just a child.

  20. mariam

    March 26, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    You just summarized my whole thought with your write-up,am 25 years old and am so afraid and at the same time excited of this institution called marriage. i just want to be FREE,i have a b/f who loves me i believe but i went through his bbm chat and i saw things#covering my face# i know am not supposed to but i guess i just needed to. gave me more reasons why i should think this marriage tingy wella

    • Person pikin

      March 27, 2013 at 9:54 am

      you know u r not supposed to? really? seriously? una relationship nor reach phone abi? That’s why the men cheat. Cos they can do anything and we are not supposed to intrude.

    • Idak

      March 27, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      Who said you must marry?

  21. Busola

    March 26, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Shame on everyone who thinks this girl is immature. Just because people are jumping into marriage doesn’t necessarily mean she should. Marriage is serious business and decisions are to be made with a clear head. If she is not ready, she isn’t. WE are DIFFERENT… Please people, respect that!

    • Omo

      March 26, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      It is as if you can’t read, or maybe comprehension is your problem. No one said she should jump into it. Unless other comments are written in Russian o, cos I’m struggling to find where anyone said she should be marriage oriented because everyone is. There’s a a clear distinction between wanting to be different and immature. Please don’t mix the two. I for one had a list of things I wanted to do before I got married, so I don’t end up feeling like a failure or resenting my marriage. My list was finish school, get another degree, get a high balling fantastic job, have my own car, buy a new property (cos I have this thing about living in a place no one has lived in before), be financially sufficient, so that when I’m married, there’s nothing I’m chasing and I can devote my energies to it full square. My friends thought I was crazy, cos my drive was unbelivable when all they could talk about was marriage, and I was different. Luckily my parents believed in my dream, and they made me go for it. I’m lucky, blessed and grateful that I did all that and I’m still in my twenties. I wasn’t ready before cos I had personal demons to conquer, but I’ve done all that, and now I’m ready to stand beside my husband, be part of a team and work towards building OUR dream together. I met men who mentioned marriage, but I couldn’t because it won’t be fair to them. I would be one hell of a selfish wife chasing my own dreams, and no one deserves that. At the same time, I didnt rant like one petulant child about being scared of marriage. There’s no head or tail of her article. She just sounds like a spoilt selfish child. That’s a whole continent away from different.

    • Busola

      March 27, 2013 at 12:24 am

      Madam, did you read my comment at all?? I suggest you read it again. All I’m saying is nobody should be condescending towards her on her life choices. Sadly, you have also done that. If you do not share someone else’s sentiments, do not treat them like they don’t know what they are saying.

    • Eni

      March 28, 2013 at 5:20 pm

      Stop the name calling, you sound immature and out of control. who is married to you?

    • sammy

      March 28, 2013 at 10:53 pm

      What’s with the condescending name calling. Who made you the God of marriage or counselor because you are failing terribly. So because her reasons for being afraid is different from what you had or what you normally see makes them invalid. She is who she is. She is not you. You can’t expect everybody in the world to have the same reasons why they are afraid to get marriage. This is her own reason and if you are so pissed go plunge yourself in the ocean. Nigerians are so fond of trying to make other people go with their thoughts and beliefs : You think what you have is the one and only answer. How about take a cue TEMI. He/she was the only one that gave a proper constructive criticism and how we can overcome fear. The likes of you are just ranting like a dog with rabies and calling her names like as if that will solve any problem. I was expecting people to talk about how they overcame their own fear so that other people can learn and not acting as if you are this mini marriage God.

    • Iphie

      March 26, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      dont mind them! as if with the marriage certs you work straight to Haeven when u die. mchewww!

  22. Neka

    March 26, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    quite immature rant like most people above have commented. at 24, i wasnt ready either for marriage but did not think this way. i really dont see why BN would post such an article. Not tat the style of writing is spectacular or anything. us Nigerians love mediocrity!

    • Bliss

      March 26, 2013 at 4:42 pm

      Don’t drag Nigeria into your prejudice view, please and thank you! What is mediocre about this article? The only thing mediocre here is your way of thinking. It’s so funny how people can be so pretentious. There’s not a single point in that article that anyone couldn’t relate to if they were being honest. People believe that one is supposed die with their fears bottled up and when someone deviates from the norm, they are furious and take their anger out on the person. Neka, may I suggest that you be more true to your self and express your fears. That way you won’t be jealous of someone who is open enough to say “hey, I’m not Super woman, I’m getting there but this is what I fear.” That’s part of what they call charisma. Read about it, you just might pick up a thing or two 😉

  23. FOB

    March 26, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Sharrap there and gaan sit down…. Mschew.
    Fast forward 8 years and you would be posting some stupid article on “God give me a spouse or I die”.

    • glo

      March 26, 2013 at 4:36 pm

      lol…my thots exactly….

    • Purpleicious Babe

      March 27, 2013 at 10:33 pm

      lool o

  24. Iffy

    March 26, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Inukwa????and whom are you all to say that this girl is immature?she’s just stated her opinions and thots about marriage….IT IS NO JOKE!!!!You are either ready or you are not.Hard fact is NOT everyone will get married at the end of the day and if she happens to think differently in a few years time great,if not…oh well. Live and let live biko!

  25. Ore

    March 26, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    It’s been said over and over- You need to grow up. I’m 23 and I don’t even think this way. Yes, there a fears especially the one of spending the rest of your life with one person however, there are benefits. You are definitely not ready for marriage (not that I am; there are still a lot of things I have to deal with) until you understand the meaning of sacrifice. Sacrifice doesn’t have to be gloomy, it can be a willingly and happily done. Give yourself a few more years, you’re still young and you have your whole life ahead of you but, do spend this time developing in different areas of your life and your perspective will change.

    About the people praying and still being unhappy, you must realise that marriage is not and will never be a bed of roses. You’re bringing 2 completely different people with different experiences and characteristics under the same roof forever. It’s WORK but very rewarding. Before you get married, it’s advisable you pray hard, seek the counsel of your Pastor (your Pastor will not do the prayers for you, he can join but that responsibility is your’s)before you make your decision. There are a lot of people who don’t go through this process and end up in a divorce. Once you get married as well, you must be willing to understand your partner and learn to win the wars not the battles because there will be; any relationship has those. Of course, you have to pray but that’s not the only factor involved in marriage. So many reasons can be cited but it will take a whole day that is why it’s advisable to know your partner well before you get married.

    As my Pastor would say marriage is the only prison you get to pick your life-long prison mate. You definitely want to spend time prayerfully choosing the right person

  26. missTutu

    March 26, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    The writer only expressed an opinion, no need for all the name calling. isn’t it better to be quite skeptic than to jump into marriage with rose coloured glasses on? I’m 27 and in a serious relationship (5 years and counting), we will be getting married soon but i feel jittery about some of the issues the author expressed……..fear of kids included. Maybe people need to be a bit more skeptic and then we would have lower divorce rates, or not have to endure bad marriages. I’ve also noticed that Nigerians generally react in a hostile manner to opinions that go against the norm. Y’all need to do the growing up!

  27. Momo

    March 26, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I just had to comment! So I got married at 24. Without anyones knowledge.. we both loved each other and going to parents then would have complicated things.. we were both not ready for the whole wedding ceremony stress. We eventually did the whole wedding ceremony thing two years later.

    I was always scared of marriages .. cos I did not grow up to see my mum happy in her marriage.. no matter what she did .. dad was not satisfied.

    However, my hubby was sent straight from heaven. I never had a doubt that he would treat me right.. he exceeds my expectations every freaking day! We are both very alike and we love peace.. we dated for 4 years and never really had any major fights like ppl claim relationships must go through for true test of love. Dnt get me wrong.. we had misunderstandings and never always agreed on things but with did it with so much respect for each other’s feelings and for the unique persons we both are…

    In as much as marriage can be scary, when you pray to God and marry for the right reasons and make that decision to love through thick and thin.. make that decision to love unconditionally.. you can truly enjoy the fruits of marriage.

    • Msunderstood

      March 26, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      Honestly, u r so me. I don’t get it when people talk abt bad marriages cos mine is almost perfect(I put almost just for d sake of it). He’s everything n more. My husband always says a happy home is a decision u ve to make n commit to-commit to be happy n build a happy home. I hardly cook, he knows my imperfections n he never complains. He’s determined to make it work, I am too. Just find d right person. Why do people always see d bad marriages, dia r very good ones. Choose d right person just like u choose ur best friend in high sch.

  28. jcsgrl

    March 26, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Sorry but I have to agree with most people on the author of this article. She is immature in her thinking but that’s ok as long as she doesnt remain that way few years from now. There’s nothing wrong in telling someone their opinion is childish. Its just like when a child keeps running to your room at night for having nightmares; nothing wrong with it at that age but @ 15 or 20, it becomes a problem.
    So my dear to further enlighten you, your fears are okay to have at your age but you need some growing up to do in the area of marriage. You need to know better so you can do better. First of all, I tell singles before you get married you have to know yourself and what you want in life. Where do you see yourself? What can you or can’t you tolerate? This will help you to define boundaries. If you’re hungry and craving a particular food, when you get to the store and see what you want, you get it. Same thing in marriage, when you know what you want, when you see it, you will know. All these other talk of will he cheat on me, I can’t deal with inlaws, I can’t depend on a man will become secondary. It will become more of Is he good to me? How does he make mefeel? Will I see myself sacrificing happily in marriage to this person? Can I chop his shit? How can I partner with this man to make our lives better and still become all that I’m supposed to be? If you cannot answer these questions to a significant percentage (bcos you’re not really going to have 100% answer to everything), then you haven’t found the one or ready for marriage. So you’re 24, I will tell you to ENJOY your freedom. You’re too young to be focused on marriage. Be a responsible single girl. Travel, start that business, go back to school, go after that what makes you happy. If you discover a man and marriage along the way, great. If not, single life is not a death sentence. You can live a very fulfilled and satisfied life as a SINGLE. When your time comes and the right man comes along, you will know it and your fears will dissipate bcos perfect love casts out all fears.

    • d2

      April 1, 2013 at 7:11 pm

      She is immature in her thinking but that’s ok as long as she doesnt remain that way few years from now. ……..MADAM jcsgrl HOW IS THAT YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF SHE WANTS TO REMAIN LIKE THAT TILL SHE IS 90 sabi am before??…did she ask for your opinion??,….sheesh!!!

    • YS

      April 12, 2013 at 5:07 am

      Finally some actual advice.

  29. Iphie

    March 26, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    This babe clearly said ” 9 reasons why *SHE* is scared of getting married. Did she say reasons why *YOU* should be scared??????? Chineke! People can be bitter and trully anyone who is indifferent about marriage needs to grow up???? are u guys kidding me?

    • LOl

      March 29, 2013 at 7:44 pm

      LOl. YOu have said it all

  30. masked

    March 26, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    I don’t see or hear any mediocrity in what the writer has written rather its just a bunch of people who have a specific way they think everyone should think and behave…the beauty of life is the variety in it and if everyone thinks in a particular way, life will certainly be boring. Just the way she has her fears, a lot more pple do as well and if you never had fears in deciding to take a decision of your life then kudos to you for being superhero but don’t impose your thoughts on others…how do you know your 24yrs old sister doesn’t av a major thing she is freaking out about. Live and Let Live! It makes the world less complicated.

  31. Cali

    March 26, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Let her be peeps ha! true or not true what’s the rant about?? everyone has their fears but she just happened to voice hers [email protected]+? sometimes it gets scary too for me, but i believe finding the best mate for you helps solve the whole issue. my 25 cents 🙂

  32. tee

    March 26, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    She is entitled to her opinion as you are entitled to yours..Name calling is tres unnecessary! Sheesh…

  33. eniola

    March 26, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Cos i’m of the same age as u, but going on 25, don’t know if u just clocked 24, but still, your write up has this bizarre aura. I took time to re-read n review ur reasons. 1. commitment? – could be a good reason. 2. crazily wealthy?- who says u have to do it the very loud way? 3. happily married? – then u shouldn’t have mentioned your parents. Be more optimistic, set ur priorities right in ur relationship if u have one now. 4. freedom? – who says u cant have it, if u marry ur friend n soul-mate? 5. how do u know he is the 1? – Everytin will click in a way u can not explain. Better still ask God for a sign. 6. what if? – dont u fall sick urself? ”do unto others that which u expect to be done unto u”. 7. extra set of parents? – ” i had a hard time getting on with my parents, adding another set of parents to the mix is entirely different” what r u talking about? are u the same age as u were wt ur parents? do u pray or hope for nagging in-laws urself? 8. perfection? – marry ur best friend. it will all be perfect. 9. extra mouth to feed? – who says u wont work and u have oblige? Finally, my splash of what i know works 100% never go to bed wt an unsettled issue. The moment u do fr a day or two, the gap sets in, u both see that remaining in different zones isn’t so hard. my dear’s’ e no go tey wey una go consider divorce or break-up as d case may be. JUST THE THOUGHTS OF ANOTHER 24 YEAR OLD. capish y’all!

  34. Stella Kashmoney

    March 26, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    I got married at 22 years old so you are not too young to marry. Age is nothing but a number, nothing to do with maturity. I have been married for over three years now and I can confidently say you will outgrow all these fears. Marriage comes with ups and downs, you will learn to rock the boat and deal with it. Being married to your best friend helps and when you meet THE ONE, trust me you will know.

    • LOl

      March 29, 2013 at 7:45 pm

      Hahaha 3 years of marriage does not give you mouth to talk. Please come back after 15years.

  35. Nollywood REinvented

    March 26, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Oh please cut down the self righteousness… the girl has questions and it’s best she sorts out her queries before she enters into marriage.

    Who is that person that will say she never had a question about marriage? But I also agree with people who say when you find the right person it will all make sense. Don’t just jump into it because society stipulates that at a certain phase of life you should have the tag MRS!

  36. Chic

    March 26, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    Marriage is a tricky and complex institution! On to matters of age who gave Nigerian mothers the notion that 25 is the perfect age for marriage? I look at my 25 year old cousins and family friends and these girls are no where close to being wives psychologically and emotionally. I for one was no way ready to be anybody’s wife at that age the way I reasoned then they way I handle issues then and now is so different. I am more mature and take my time in making decision that at 25 I would quickly rush into with grave consequences. Mothers abeg let them grow a little, see the world be independent before you start shoving the marriage stick down their throats. I believe a girl should leave her father’s house to her own house and then her husband’s house how else will she learn first hand the responsibilities of running a home when mummy and the maids were running her fathers home and then she is thrown into unfamiliar territory known as husband’s house without tasting independence and learning to manage her finances etc. Seems this notion is so ingrained in young girls a friend who recently had her baby a few months ago made a comment on another newly married friend’s facebook photo “this is gonna be baby ABC and me dancing at her wedding 25 years from now”

    • Chic

      March 26, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      And babies are not an argument there is no guarantee that someone who marries early has babies early it is the Lords doing he gives you the babies when he wants to give you the babies how else will you explain someone who got married at 22 and had her first child at 34?

    • Ada Nnewi

      March 26, 2013 at 5:56 pm

      I so agree with your comment.. I find it appalling that the prevailing mentality in Nigeria is from your father’s house to your husband’s house.. i mean really when does a girl actually get to enjoy some independence and really just live a little “not reckless living” just some time by yourself to grow into your own person..quite frankly i share the author’s fears but with time and with the help of my wonderful boyfriend, these fears are slowly diminishing…hopefully i’ll be ready to take the “jump” soon 🙂

    • tomi

      April 14, 2013 at 5:37 am

      marriage is not about age but maturity everything she said is true but lf you marry your best friend then you will have a wonderful marriage,l got married 2009 hoping l made the rigth choice but l got seperated 2011 l am a mother of one child now abandon with all the responsibilities is only GOD that build a home not us even the bible says we can do all things through christ so we all need prayer to meet make a rigth choice just look at me lf not l am educated and working how will l feed myself and my child so women pls make sure you have a good job before saying l do.

    • zsa zsa

      March 27, 2013 at 6:22 am

      Great comment! Me living on my own before getting married was one of the best decisions i ever made considering the fact that i was overly sheltered growing up. I couldn’t go anywhere, almost couldn’t maintain friendships because i hardly returned visits even when i got into university same wahala! My parents just believed i would graduate and hopefully get married and shipped off to the husbands house.

      I can relate with the author to an extent. I think too many people are taking her too seriously, the article, in my opinion was meant to be thought provoking…to get you wondering. Calling her immature is unnecessary. I had some of those fears mostly because i had never really ‘lived’ life, i worried about almost everything she listed but not for the same reasons she listed.

      I know from experience that those fears are valid but can be overcome with the right intentions and finding the right partner. Then you will see marriage as a working partnership and not a job…you have someone to plan with, laugh with, cry with, talk too, do chores with, raise kids with, etc. I think some ladies in our culture are scared of marriage because of the expectations from family and societal as a whole. Women are expected to be everything….great cooks, great wives, great housekeepers, great mothers, we have to be fertile, church going, humble, etc. We have such great pressure thrust upon us from such a young age that as the time approaches we get anxious.

      Anyways to end my epistle…..a great marriage is possible with the right person. 🙂

  37. kay

    March 26, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    You guys calling the writer immature are the ones who are definitely immature!! Its funny some of you here are not married and giving advice on how marriage is. SMH! As if marriage is a bed time story. Am sure that most of you saying that at her age you didn’t think like this only means at her age you didn’t sit back to think about marriage past what you were told by your friends,aunts and parents. Marriage is a serious thing and especially so for a woman knowing our culture. A woman really needs to sit down and think deeply, know herself and admit what she is and what she’s not and trust herself first before any other person. She’s 24 and she shared how she feels now, she may learn new things later, think differently later and have a change in opinion and she may continue thinking as she is now. Not all of us are built to be sacrificing, enduring, hardworking,selfless and patient, you have to know yourself first,admit it to yourself and know if you have the chances of making things work with another person that would understand you. It’s just plain simple self sincerity!! Most people that got divorced or have unhappy marriages were not pessimistic about their marriage but that didn’t stop negative things from happening. The issues she raised of infidelity,in-laws,health,children,cooking and submission are very important and really matter in the success of a marriage, and are things any reasonably minded person who doesn’t lie to herself should think about!!

    • Lola

      March 26, 2013 at 4:48 pm

      Oh really, not all of us are built that way. You are obviously another selfish person. Your parents, where did they acquire the notion of scarificing, enduring, hardworking, selfless and patient. If they didn’t have all that, how will they have parented you. I’m not talking from the aspect of marriage o, so don’t think I’m saying every woman should follow that route, but to say not everyone is built to be all those you described, is the greatest height of selfishness. What does your faith teach you to do and be. Our greatest examples in our faiths, Jesus, Mohammed and co, what examples could you draw from their lives on earth. We pray everyday for the Lord to bless us, yet you can say not all of us are built to be selfless, enduring, hardworking, selfless, patient. Everyone should imbibe this traits, whether it is in dealing with a friend, child, spouse, neighbour, boss, etc. Anyone who takes the easy way out and says we are not all built that way, I will do what suits me is just saying the Lord created an imperfect human being, who is helpeless in his/her flaws. What builds you anyway? Be careful with that mentality abeg, for your own good and for the good of people you are in contact with, cos you’ll carry it in your dealings with other people. All I saw from her article was ME, ME, ME, ME, ME. not willing to tolerate or accommodate someone else. That gan gan is her problem, not just her being scared about marriage. Her issues go way beyond just this marriage thing. I wonder if her parents thought that way, she would even have been born, or raised to the point where she schools abroad. Who raised and sacrificed and loved till that point? Ghosts!!!!

    • Amazeballs!!!

      March 26, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      Thank you oh Kay! It beats me how they are all attacking her. Like I said to Tiki, I am married and will very seriously warn women to take their time and determine if marriage is what they want or if they are ready.

  38. libra

    March 26, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    Nice write-up my dear and you’ve gt tangible reasons but, i want to say to you that marriage is not the most scaring,hurting and what does not mke someone happy in this world. If you are scared because you dont want to get hurt i put it to you that u will eventually get hurt in some other aspects and u might regret been single for the rest of your life….Think about that…..


    March 26, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I swear Charlene (lovely name btw), it seems like we ar kindred spirits. My reasons ar 10: d 9 u mentioned and the kids ish. I admire cute babies and kids from afar buh the idea of bn entirely responsible for som1’s wellbeing is wat I can’t deal. Even as a 1stborn, I dint find it easy bn responsible for my siblings. My sisters and frnds think I’m crazy when I tell dem marriage freaks me out. I guess I’m not alone afterall 😀

  40. Bliss

    March 26, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    ‘…..Well, at least she wasn’t divorced….’. That was funny.
    Chacha darling. 2 profound quotes:
    “There are cracks in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
    Marianne Williamson
    Lastly, know without a doubt that you are stronger than anything life throws at you. This is not to say that you pretend that life is all positive. Just know in your heart and mind that life always goes on. I’m a sucker for quotes and TED Talks…all that eat pray love ish….Permit me to give you the link to Steve Jobs’s commencement speech without being too preachy( it was plenty inspiring).

    • Tuesday

      March 27, 2013 at 2:35 am

      Thanks it was truly inspiring ‘the link’ .

  41. Anonymous

    March 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    Granted the writer may or may not be immature but for the most part I can reason with her. I do believe Nigerians however are stuck on Marrying at the right age right time and not ‘carrying last” that even though many suffer from what this girl has written, many won’t admit it because growing up we all know once you graduate university you are ripe for marriage but no one and NOTHING can prepare you for what comes after you’ve walked down the aisle and a lot of what this girl has typed needs to be thought about thoroughly. Let’s not get carried away by the glamour of bella weddings and a wedding every weekend in Nigeria. Nigerian women are so quick to accept marriage proposals and will stay with a cheating man but be the first to find an exit when he goes broke. (think about that for a bit) many aren’t ready for this thing called marriage and in all honesty I don’t believe anyone below the age of 25 should be dating seriously for marriage just yet. Take time out to discover you make friends, date around (don’t sleep around) and wait for the right one don’t agree to be with someone just out of the fear of carrying last if marrying late means marrying right then do that. Don’t rush to your forever and then it will be miserable. There’s more shame in divorce than there is in staying single don’t let the current ways of our society fool you.

  42. madman

    March 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    Interesting reason for the writer. The only that I can most relate with is No. 5. How Do I Know she’s The One? – will the person come with a sign on their forehead or do you just marry someone just because you are getting old and it’s the “next” thing to do. I enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing Chacha…

  43. Christy

    March 26, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Oh please, with the “it is her opinion”, “it is her opinion”. When you put your opinion up in public, be ready to have it criticised, otherwise just keep your thoughts to yourself or write it on paper only you can read. To those who are expecting us all to bow at the altar of Charlene’s write up, because it is her opinion have another thing coming. When we don’t live in China or North Korea. If you can’t see the immaturity in her write up, then you saying it is her opinion are not helping her at all. Or maybe you are in the same boat with her. Me o, I call it as I see it, I suggest she has a lot of growing up to do, I guess still being a student and all, she should enjoy living in a bubble. Like @jscgirl wrote above. “She is immature in her thinking but that’s ok as long as she doesnt remain that way few years from now. There’s nothing wrong in telling someone their opinion is childish. Its just like when a child keeps running to your room at night for having nightmares; nothing wrong with it at that age but @ 15 or 20, it becomes a problem.” BOOM!!!!!! Add 4 more years to it jscgirl. You don’t have to be pro marriage to be mature, that’s the counter argument I have for some commenters here. There are loads of 24, 25yr olds who don’t send marriage, but present very mature arguments when they tell you their reasons for being scared. At the same time, you don’t have to be anti-marriage to be immature its not either or. So please dont look at it as if there are two camps pro marriage or anti marriage fighting with each other. Maturity is the koko here, and 24 is a scary age to be talking like this. Brrrrrrr!!!!

    • iCrossmYheart

      March 26, 2013 at 9:26 pm

      Are you also implying that once an individual marries, he/she ceases to grow? Isnt it better for an individual to deal with his or her demons before entering into a marriage? Isnt it better for an individual, especially a woman, to voice their fears about entering an institution that demands the better part of their life? Why shame her for being honest? Is it better that she “grows up” according to what you define as “mature” (because let’s face it, maturity is subjective) than develop emotionally and mentally according to what deems viable for herself? When she gets married, you will not be in the marriage. So let her voice her fears. After all, it is apparent that her fears resonates well for most women in their 20s.

  44. dee

    March 26, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    So you think not having a bellanaija type wedding is a mature reason to be afraid of getting married. Then to crown it she states she’ll rather spend the money on weave! How immature is that?

  45. extemy

    March 26, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    The writer just voiced out her fears towards marriage. I also have my own fears oo! Just the idea of stayin with some1 for the rest of one’s life…acceptin 2 do everytin 4 d person. Whether u feel lyk or not looks scary 2 me! But I feel if d person is sm1 u luv and ur best friend,I know it won’t look scary…d marriage tin 4 me it a big issue dat I have 2 rethink about my partner if he is the right one!

    • Lolita

      March 26, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      I tell you oh. This article should have been titled “Musings of a bored student”, and some people are expecting us to just gba be (take it like that) and file it under “she expressed her opinion”. LMAO. I tire for Nigerians oh. Opinions can be wrong too, after all the politicians stealing will tell you that it is their opinion that the national cake should be in their pocket. Last I heard, that wasn’t okay. Yes it is her opinion, but when it is written on a forum, opinions can influence people, and the world does not need more people thinking like this abeg. Enjoy your thinking darling charlene, freedom won’t keep you warm at night, freedom won’t share your thoughts, hopes and dreams with, freedom won’t challenge you, neither will freedom will be at home waiting for you. Ask those who have drank at the well of freedom, it gets boring and lonely after while. Marriage is sweet make no mistakes. As long as you go into it for the right reasons, with the right person and with the right mindset to share your life with someone else. Do not be pressured into it, at the same time do not run from the so many benefits it offers, cos you’ll miss out on something so beautiful. Ask your mum, you are a product of such a union. After all it was ordained by God, and He can NEVER be wrong. What man has made of marriage doesn’t take away from the beauty and awesomeness that it is. The Lord knew what He was doing when he ordained marriage. Cars kill people everyday, it doesn’t stop you from driving, or entering a bus. BN, you guys need to screen your articles better abeg. Thank you.

    • The Nigerian

      March 27, 2013 at 12:43 am

      I hope for your sake, you don’t appear in an ethical argument some day. Personal Opinions are never wrong, that’s why they are called opinions. Now if she had stated it as a fact then you have the right to say it’s wrong. we are all entitled to our opinions.

  46. Distance is killing me,miss my boo!

    March 26, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    My only fear is having kids(though I luv cute kid)..But the thought of having them around all day,talking and puting them through is my greatest fear! I never believe in luv,because I have been seriously hard broken before,severally(still don’t know why)…made up with my one of my ex,who is a born again,I luv him to bit…Though I still wonder if I can keep to his rules…no hanging out,no sipping of drink,he stop me from modelling etc,and above all,we don’t engage in sex or romance….and I really have to wait,blcas he is still doing his NYSC…cheating is not my thing,but sometime I get tempted and masturbate(cover face)

    • Chic

      March 26, 2013 at 7:22 pm

      Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy however too much of it is bad it then becomes an addiction. Moderation sis moderation lol

    • jcsgrl

      March 26, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      My dear any man that is prohibiting from hanging out, sipping drink, modelling, etc, you need to check that. I’m not saying what they asked you to do is wrong but you must do such out of your own conviction o! Don’t allow your life to be controlled by another man’s rules unless you’re ok with it. Otherwise, you will end up resenting him. I would advice you to do your own soul searching and know what you want in life and the kind of lifestyle you want to live. If it matches with homeboy’s vision, then its good. If its conflicting or you’re struggling to please him, you’re in trouble. No man can change anybody. It must come from the inside. On the issue of intimacy and romance, I’m a christian so my thoughts will be bible based. You need to be fulfilled in your self first. I mean you need to know how much you’re loved and cherished by God to truly appreciate your body and soul. If you don’t get contentment by that, then you will seek other ways to please yourself. Learn to appreciate who you are and the abilities God has put inside of you. When you refocus your thoughts on the awesomeness of your creation, masturbation will become silly to do. Also whether he gives you affection or not, you’re ok with yourself. Now if you’re an affectionate person and love that from your mate, its ok. You might need to sit down with him and let him know. Ofcourse as a christian there are boundaries for pre marital relationships. If affection is a deal breaker for you and he’s not willing to reciprocate, then you might need to reconsider

    • iCrossmYheart

      March 26, 2013 at 9:20 pm

      This is a sordid case of TOO MUCH INFORMATION. But my only advice is RUN. Which born again Christian will not allow you to enjoy your life? Even Jesus went out at night and drank wine. All these born agains in Nigeria will not make me laugh to oblivion. You have ONLY ONE LIFE TO LIVE, living it according to someone’s rules will make you miserable. But who am I to judge? Do you!

  47. madman

    March 26, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Homeboy is on his second marriage, I think that the writer’s fears are valid. Particularly, regarding No. 5. Even wealth doesn’t guarantee happiness.

  48. kay

    March 26, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    @Lola u r Just talking!! First you don’t even know me or if i had parents who sacrificed for me, so don’t think you can just make conclusions!! Whether its selfish or not,its better you first admit it to yourself, know what you are, and what you are capable of before you get married and make others suffer or if you should get married at all. I repeat again not everybody can be all those great qualities!! What do you say of a young woman whose first kid has Down’s syndrome and she would beat this child at every minute mistake he made plus the abusive words. She would make him stay by himself locked up cause to her he was a disgrace, he embarrasses her!!Eventually it was an old woman from her husband’s side of the family that took charge of the boy and the mother never ever visits him to even know if he is alive or not! (And by the way she has other kids). That is her own child plus the father did nothing.Now imagine something happens to her husband if he became an invalid what do you think would happen? In the first place what is someone like that doing having children? Or a mother whose husband would give her money for the kids and she would go to the market and end up using everything to buy clothes for herself? She can’t cook to save her life and when she does the kids can’t eat it so they are stuck with eating cornflakes and golden morn all the time!! Scrawny kids from a well to do home!! But mum is always looking beautiful,glowing skin,beautiful and latest attires, Expensive car, housewife. All am saying is before people do things that are life altering like marriage they should think well know themselves if this qualities would support a successful marriage or not or if you are even parent material or not. There is no shame in admitting the truth to yourself and preventing future problems and kids who hate you!!

    • Landon

      March 26, 2013 at 8:44 pm

      You just hit the nail on the head.

  49. Rachael

    March 26, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    I will start by saying : Charlene Odetola you are perfectly normal. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not crazy or abnormal because you’ve simply stated your fears about marriage. Nigerians are fond of trying to force their thoughts and beliefs on other people. If you dare to think or see things differently from the norm then you are seen as immature or abnormal. In Nigeria: You are supposed think a certain way, You are supposed to get married at a certain age, You are supposed to start having kids at this age. If you’ve not done any of these then society sees you as abnormal. For as far back as when I was a Sophmore in college till this present moment working as a Neurosurgeon and married for 8 yrs: I have always had a different belief and reasons for not wanting to have kids and that hasn’t changed. I am glad to be married to a man that shares the same belief and reasons like I do. I can remember the both of us sharing our views about not wanting to have kids and how crazy and giddy I was to meet someone that had the same thoughts and belief like I did. We both have parents, siblings and friends that have been very supportive and respectful of our decisions. A lot of Nigerians have called us crazy, selfish, heartless. Funny enough my husband and I don’t live our lives according to what Nigerians or the society deems normal. Reading some of the comments here just reminded me about the comment a girl posted a couple of years ago on BN about not wanting to get married . People lashed at the girl so hard like as if not wanting to get married is a crime. Charlene Odetola live for you, do you. If you wake up one day and your thoughts about marriage is different and you decide to get married — fine. However if you come to the conclusion one day that marriage is not for you — then that’s perfectly fine too. It’s good that you are not pretending about the fears because a lot of people do. Having fears about getting married or not wanting to get married for whatever reason is not death sentence. It doesn’t mean you are immature, selfish , or less of a human being than the next fellow person. Take life a day at a time. With regards to marriage or kids: do whatever you think is best for ‘YOU’ and not what society expects from you. Don’t let society dictate to you how you should run your life. If you strongly believe in something run with it.

  50. Aunty Prada

    March 26, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Some of you can criticize her opinion without being so irritatingly condescending. As for the idiot that typed that nonsense about 8 years down the line, she will be posting about looking for a spouse. My only words to you are – Don’t be stupid.

    Granted, the writer comes off as pessimistic in a lot of her points, but in the end, these are her fears and they are legit fears. She wants freedom, she’s scared that her future husband won’t commit, she can’t afford an expensive wedding and would rather channel the money into other uses, she has concerns about her in-laws, and the supposedly high expectations that will be placed on her. What is wrong with all these points? abeg Charlene, you are entitled to your opinion and I think that at 24, it’s okay to have these concerns. In the end, the hope is that you meet a man who will make the challenges worth it. Do you jare

  51. tellingthetruth

    March 26, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    Great article and very well articulated!

    See how some Nigerian women are trying to ‘eat the writer raw.’ Women are indeed their own worst enemies. Ugh!

  52. MelonX

    March 26, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Whoa!!! Maybe I was wrong with my previous comment…this “simple”article did provoke a lot of rants. I guess marriage is a very touchy topic. But we need better writers on BN, we expect it from you.

  53. Lolita

    March 26, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    BN, this angle is getting redundant and stale, and it only creates an avenue for single women to rant, rant, pour out their problems, issues, plus the unhappy married women too. Rarely do I see beautiful testimonies. So far, of the 60 sth comments, only 2 have spoken well about their marriage. Other, its just from one complain or negative to another. More women talk about their relationship problems to the BN readers than the spouse or boyfriend they should be discussing with. Someone correct me if I’m wrong. I know BN is easy, type, talk about it and you’ll feel better, someone will read your comment, share words of encouragement, some to the point of advice or suggestions, and you’ll feel better, and possibly take the advice. Beats me how a total stranger who doesn’t have sufficient background can offer you a solution. Nope, that’s a transient escape. When did the internet become Omniscient? We depend on it too much, me thinks. BN is faceless, your problem is still sleeping on the bed beside you (spouse), or picking you up for dinner at night (boyfriend). Talk to him instead. A friend calls the BN Relationship section, sad, miserable, scared, lonely, women unite. Free online therapy or purgatory, or connecting with someone that you can relate to. Someone probably as miserable or even worse. She has stopped reading relationship articles because it just wears her down and depresses her, plus it further propagates the negativity surrounding marriage/relationships, and when you seek something fresh and different be careful of what you let influence your perceptions (her words). Life is hard enough, you don’t want to start reading about other people’s problems too. We need a fresh insight on this please. Happy stories about relationships, happy articles about marriage, cos whether you agree or not, you guys are contributing to all the negativity surrounding marriage. I think you guys need to change tactics. Find relationship counsellors who can provide useful advice on relationships and marriage. Find older happily married and women who can share their words of wisdom to uplift single and married women. Something to give hope, shed a new light, cos all this depressing, depressing, scare mongering, it don do oooooooh. Have your writers send beautiful stories. You guys have put up so many strong, uplifting material that I think you need to follow this up with marriage too. All this complain, complain, complain. Your site is very influential, and please help start the revolution towards a healthy approach to relationship/marriage. There are beautiful marriages out there, your readers may need to hear from the other side too. The unhappy ones have had their day in the limelight. It is my opinion, feel free to correct or attack it.

  54. Kiki

    March 26, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    I am scared too. I am 23 and older men appeal to me, way older men. Presently there’s a 17urs diff wiv someone and I really like him, the age diff scared the hell out of me, would probably back out

  55. 9japrincess

    March 26, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Or rather segment it…single forum and married forum…as well have teenagers forum because I am 16 and I am learning. I did not learn anything here only rants. I think this is a write up and should not be taken too far. Air your views politely and not…I am a constant Reader of BN!

  56. Tincan

    March 26, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    I thought this write up was a little tongue-in-cheek albeit expressing the writer’s fears. Am I wrong? As for being scared of marriage, I had very similar feelings to be honest. I loved my boyfriend alright and I wanted to know that 5 years down the line from when he asked me to marry him that he would still be there but I didn’t particularly want to get married. I had a huge mental phobia for it. I was pretty much dragged down the aisle. Lol – Five years later, I still cannot explain why I felt that way as I love/enjoy being married. With my first child, it was the same. I wept when I learnt I was ‘with child’ – who does that? Three years later, I am so happy he is my life and I am scarily protective of him. Now I am procrastinating on having a second one, finding every reason to delay. I think the truth is some of us are wired differently. It doesn’t make us immature. It is just what it is. I think if not from the culture (including christianity) I would have been just as happy to be single – but nahhh, I did/do want a family. Truth is I wanted both worlds, sadly, that’s just not possible. I wouldn’t worry if I were you.

    • Eni

      March 28, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      True talk. love it

  57. Mama mia!!!

    March 26, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Look nobody is calling her names. But in all honesty, It’s okay to be scared. Aren’t we all? I for one I’m so terrified of child birth. But, I don’t dwell on those thoughts to align my actions. However, everything she mentioned are quite normal for most girls to be scared over but mostly overrated. That’s why I think this write up shouldn’t be put up here in the first place it should have remained in her diary or something. There should be like a follow up on positivity on marriage where you have these thoughts but have a backing to in still a way of dealing with it.

    • Princess

      March 26, 2013 at 10:38 pm

      GBAM for you o. I like how you nicely put it. I second abi third (gbagaun of life) you and Lolita clamouring for some positivity on marriage. BN depresses me sometimes I swear with these articles. It doesn’t help to allay your fears, or prepare you for them or even give solutions. When you now read most of the comments, you will need buckets of ice cream to feel better. Lol. To uplift myself I go look at their wedding pictures, and read all the lovely positive comments of hope and prayers. About childbirth my dear, you live in the 21st century, there’s nothing to be afraid of. You have Epideurals, Planned Caesarean sections, and even surrogacy. My sister was the type who was on admission for her periods. In fact the doctor used to joke that my parents should kuku rent a room for her. When she starts, the pain is bad, we used to cry for her. At some point my parents scared she’ll be a morphine junkie, cos with time the doctor had to increase her dose. She has 3 kids now, and she has never gone through labour. Her husband said lai lai she can’t. She has suffered through pain enough. One Epideural, 2 CS. With all her menstrual pain, she has gone through labour enough to give birth to 20 children. lol

    • missy

      March 27, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      I actually wrote a follow up. I have sent it to bella naija. hope they post it.

  58. 'Mide

    March 27, 2013 at 1:02 am

    Nothing in life is guaranted,talkless of a life long commitment.I feel you.When you eventually meet the guy that might kn
    ock you up.Make sure you let him know your fears. It just might turn out right.

  59. mia

    March 27, 2013 at 9:37 am

    I have always believed women contribute equally to the problems we face in marriage/relationships. You’re dating a traditional man who can never say sorry, he cheats on you and you know it, his family loathes you, he does not share your spiritual standards and you are not even doing anything meaningful about your life, yet, you jump and marry the man. some months later, you start ranting about how cruel life is and how bad men are and how terrible marriage is, what were you expecting? As far as i know, you need to REALLY know what you want in your marriage and be sure you’re seeing it in that man before you marry him. Play your part well and commune with God constantly to help preserve your marriage and all will be well. There are still happy marriages around but the parties involved played their parts before the marriage and haven’t stopped even after the marriage. Problem is, most ladies marry the fantasy man, the magic boy, the guy that thinks he is God’s gift to women and want to make a respectable man out of him. it just doesn’t work that way!

  60. Duke

    March 27, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Marriage doesn’t dwell on those reasons you’ve mentioned. If you don’t believe me, ask your Mother. If you are a true daughter of your mother, then you should pray to God to find your own friend and partner for life like your Mother did, if there are no good men in the world again, your Mother would not have found your Dad (May his soul rest in perfect peace). Marriage is God’s will for both man and woman, it’s not yours to decide, if you stay unmarried, what have you to gain? Does that make you satisfied? With time…you will realize how important marriage is to human race, don’t also forget that without marriage, you wouldn’t have been on your computer to write this article, so you might wanna be open-minded to that man that wants your hand in marriage.

  61. d baby

    March 27, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    well d one reason y im scaared of marriage is bcos i hvnt met the wealthy guy who drove in a limo from jand to ask for my hand in marriage,well i saw him in my dream nd wdnt want to marry any oda person,meanyle ive received several prophecies dt said id marry a very wealthy man,so u see im scared of marrying someone who doesnt reach dt standard.

  62. Temi

    March 27, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Hey dear,

    You have expressed your fears and i appreciate that but you need to see it from this angle as well. The more you open up yourself to other views, the more you have a balanced opinion about life.

    1. “when i was a child, i think like a child” excerpt from Paul’s epistle. Therefore as you grow more, you will outgrow some of these opinions.

    2. If it is possible for your mum to have a wonderful husband and marriage, it is possible for you to have one as well. All you need do is to study mum, her qualities and values, and you will be able to deal with your husband as well. Many ladies say their dad is the best man in the world and their parents had a wonderful marriage but they are not ready to possess the kind of values their parents possessed.

    3. A natural man has fears, that is why Jesus told us to fear not and be anxious for nothing. You need to hear more of the word of God, which develops faith in you and will reshape your ideology about life.

    4. As a man thinketh in his earth, so is he. The way you think affects your life and what you will become. I am sure you know there are very wonderful marriages as well as the other ones. if you declare yours will be among the best, it will. please get rid of the fear

    5. Determination is the key behind every success in life. when you are determined to make something work, it will work. One may be from a poor background, but if you have the determination to be successful (with God as the foundation), you will get there. Therefore, determination to make your relationship and marriage work is required.

    6. How do you know if he is the one? God has a plan for you right? we cant know as humans except through the spirit of God cos it is the spirit of God that knows the mind of God. Since you can have the HolySpirit, it then becomes much more easier for you to know who he is.

    7. The people we associate with affects who we are and what we will become. You need to dissociate yourself from negative minded people. Most of the people you see saying evil of relationship and marriages are doing something contrary in their abodes. Many desire it but they write something different, therefore you need to know who you are and dont be moved by negative minded people.

    8. Extra set of parents and inlaws- Am sure you have friends, colleagues and elderly relatives right? Inlaws are just one of the people we meet in our lives. They are not demons or special beings. The way we relate with them determines the way they relate with us. You being your good self can relate with any other person. It must part of your prayers that you wont get entangled with difficult in laws. Difficult inlaws dont just surface in a day, it is part of what you must consider before saying “I DO”.

    Above all, be rooted in God and all these fears will be eliminated. Because it is happening to someone beside you does not mean it will happen to you. If God led you into it, you are secured. Play your own part, your hubby plays his, and God will play His in the marriage.

    Cheers dear!

    • Me

      March 29, 2013 at 2:39 am

      May God bless you Temi! this is the best comment i have seen so far, May you continue to grow in wisdom.

  63. Warren

    March 27, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    Why should being scared or having reservations about marriage be a ”childish’ thing or sign of immaturity? To each his own.. If you like marriage so much, pick up your keyboard and type out your own article to support it. It’s alright to criticise but at least have respect for her opinion…

  64. sandy

    March 28, 2013 at 3:05 am

    Read my reply to this post here

  65. jay

    March 28, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    i’ve read many articles on marriage but this one right here was stolen straight from my head. i have a lot of the fears that were outlined in this article. childish? i dont think so. many ppl get into marriages out of desperation (and not all of them are old) and i dont hear anyone calling them out on it. marriage is serious scary biznis. i love my privacy and solitude, the thought of losing both in one fell swoop is terrifying. so its ok to be scared. next step should be what to do about this fear. i just hope the answer comes soon. 🙂

  66. Ojo

    March 28, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    I think you are allowing d devil play with your mind and keep you from getting married. Its understandable to have a few fears about marriage but for one person to have all of this on the list of fears is just something bigger. Why don’t you try to be optimistic…who says you can’t have what or even better than what your parents share? I think selfishness should be at the top of your list because it seems that the real problem here…i mean if you are this scared of marriage then you should equally be scared of stepping out of your house everyday. So if you can work on the selfishness part of you, you wld be more open to marriage and pray and hope that the issue of commitment, knowing Mr right, finances would not be problems you have to deal with. As for perfection, you Mr right wld never expect you to be perfect, if really he is the one.

  67. jay

    March 28, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    @ojo that a girl has reservations about marriage doesnt make her selfish. there’s nothing in this article that suggests that the writer is selfish. she just doesnt see the world the way you do. that would be like someone summing from your response that you are mean and narrow minded. a person’s fear is the person’s fear. if it takes the right man to help her loose her fears, then thats what it takes. people fear a lot of things that are to others ridiculous. doesnt make their fear any less valid.

  68. Mimi

    March 29, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    Everybody has fears of getting married. However, I do think you should concentrate on the positives of marriage. It would be stupid to think that marriage is bliss when it is not but if you are with the right person. After all those arguments you will remember the love you have for each other and reconcile. This is why you should pray for the right person to come into your life. Some married people are married out of desperation. I never want to be that person. I want to wake up every morning thanking God for my husband. Even thought it will be hard at times…. LOL

  69. MSAO

    April 3, 2013 at 12:58 am

    I totally get the writer. I had all these views and worse when I was 24. I’m 25 now and can’t wait to settle down and start a family with my fiancé. Once I met the right person, all my fears and worries disappeared. It’s the confidence of knowing you are with a good, understanding person and you’ll never have to face your fears alone….

  70. kunle

    April 3, 2013 at 10:48 am

    I NEED HEEEELP!!! I dated this babe like four years ago and the break up was nasty, my sisters embarrased her in school and I sent her a very insulting text message which also insulted her mum, her mum had been divorced and I told her she would end up like her mum, it was a very disgusting thing to do then, I loved this babe and i was deeply hurt because I heard she was cheating on me with someone in her school, I later found out it wasnt true. Few months after that, I saw her and I apologised to her and her mum, we kept in touch but we were no longer close. Fast forward to four years later; about a year ago, she met a friend of mine and they started dating, the guy proposed and travelled abroad, it was during this period their relationship began to have issues, we stayed friends all these while but recently we have started dating, she tells me she’s over the guy abroad but she wants me to be patient so she can break up with him in person when he comes back to Nigeria sometimes before june but my problem is why she cant just do it over the phone. She knew my mum was around during the break and she wanted to meet my mum so i introduced her, although her mum is against the relationship because she thinks I could still be the same person, the chic sure knows better otherwise she would never date me, I am shocked she wants us to do this again and I am committed 100% not to ever hurt her again. My fears are that I may be the back up plan but do women ever want to meet the mum of their back up plans?

  71. Tee

    April 9, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Don’t understand why pple tend to celebrate the negative more than the positives. Look around you,there are marriages that are working well. Emulate that . Am married and I do bless God everyday for the kind of hubby he gave me. Positive thinking brings positive result.

  72. RadientBeau2013

    April 9, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    Whew…. You really only came up with 9? Sorry but I feel you can come up with more than 9. Let me stop with the sarcasm. So Sorry.
    I hear and understand you fear but walking out the door is a risk and if your not willing to take chances that the above wont be your lot then maybe and just maybe marriage isn’t your thang.
    As for #5 Pray and Seeking God are two different things. Trusting in His will to direct you in the choices you make relying on Him 1001% is different from dear God the hot guy down the street is my husband if he smiles at me he is the one.
    I pray that you would trust in God’s will and remove every spirit of fear and trust GOD to lead you and you live the life He has called you to the fullest. 2nd Timothy 1:7
    God Speed. I wish the same for the other ladies afraid.

  73. Med

    April 12, 2013 at 4:37 am

    “hello, i dont have same fears as you but if i had, this and this is the way i’d go about it” or i have/had similar issues but this was how i was able to overcome it” …’ i am yet to overcome it”… was all the writer needed to hear. i believed if half the married women in town had this fears at any point in their lives, there would have been better marriages these days because it would have one way or another, with constructive criticisms and advices, shapened what they want and aligned it to what they have or help with some understanding of some kind about relationships/marriages/compromises. if you read/listen to news updates often, you would be scarier with the kind of bizarre happening in the “marriage” world. Every man of God is preaching about marriages, every article is trying to make it “work or better” because a lot of people go into it ” (happily) blind”. yes, there are almost perfect marriages but i dont think it was by chance or luck, I believe hard word was put into it and also God’s grace (not saying these were not present in some failed marriages too but…)
    I had similiar fears at 23. i still have them at 30 though with a different handle of course since i can coup/have outgrown some of my fears, but majority still lingers. Maybe with the right person (like is said, and i pray), it will go away, but for now, that does not make me weird. Of all the married couples I know, only about 5% have a great marriage relationship and many more are failing after 5,10,15 years.
    like my dad would say ” a million broken relationships is better than a broken marriage anyday”.
    so Charlene, i have same fears and more, I pray about it everyday, I have talked to a lot of experienced people and I’m still talking, and i pray God grant me a man and extra family that befits me.

  74. damilola

    April 14, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    U just put all my fears out o…until 2 weeks ago when I started baby sitting my cousin I always told my bf that if I want a baby and all…right now I don’t even want to hear of it…I have so many fears about marriage especially as I practically told my mum to run from my dad. …marriage isn’t hot chocolates o….

  75. lisa

    June 6, 2013 at 10:19 am

    i remember growing up i was a very impressionable young girl and i can say up to this time my biggest problem was excitment and experiementation. just at the young age of 19 i broke up a marriage of this man i started dating. later on i discovered i didn’t even like him that much. soon after i dated this guy who too by the way was married. him too i discovered i did not like. after alot of trouble with his then wife i damped him and the wife left him years later so i discovered. i decided to stop dating married men and decided to date single guys.. i dated a number of them but they just ended up breaking my heart in the most horrible way. the ways that you decide to hold out on get other girls pregnant. when i was about 21 i met this guy whom i dated for almost 3 years. this guy i stuck with because i kept on thinking that i was too rush and maybe i should be patient, unfortunately he turned out to be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.. i had two abortions and a miscarriage by him. when i walked out of that reklationship finally i was batered and seriously bruised! 2 years later i met the father to my son, who unfortunately is married to. when i got pregnant he was just so horrible to me up to this day we never really got over all the nastiness that went down when i was preganant. my son has to grow up with out knowing him. but i have realised one thing through all this…. love is never an exact science, other time you get real lucky, you cast your net and catch the right one, other times you get toads. but one thing has remained true. you can never find happiness by being with someone if you have not already found it within yourself. ladies we need to stop having super natural expectation from men. they too are human beings. Thats why its important to always pray for your men, so that they are not led into temptations. be honest about your expectation and not get into relationships hoping the man will finally come around. yes i have been through alot of hell, but i chose to better myself instead of crying about my life. its ok to fear but dont’ let it stop you from trying… how will you know what it is unless you try? keep your head up. you will find the right one

    am now 29 and still single but am cool with it. been single for two years and and not rushing. steady, easy and careful does it.

  76. Chacha

    June 20, 2013 at 12:05 am

    After I caught my hubby with porn, I made his life hell and I have been for over 3 years now, he doesn’t get the chance to cheat (anymore than he already did). He’s living by MY rules now, not society’s…

  77. mercy

    November 6, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    @Mrs. ur story rily inspires my soul. with all these negativity around. i gotta meet sum1 lyk u fr real. m serious tho

  78. bz

    March 24, 2014 at 3:42 am

    I can relate. I’m a 31 year old man and I have an amazing girlfriend of many years but i am still afraid… but if I don’t I will lose her. Fear is the enemy. Embrace life.

  79. Luci

    October 10, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    I don’t think being afraid is a sign of immaturity. It’s human nature to be afraid of the unknown, especially when it involves relationships. Besides, the so-called “sanctity” of marriage carries such weight that some people may feel unable to accomplish it: you have to be faithful, your marriage has to be successful, you should be a wise wife and make it work, you should be a good mom, a good daughter-in-law and you have to deal with the possibility of being cheated on, getting your heaet broken etc etc, but if you stay single life will not necessarily be rosier. Being alive is a risk in itself, you have to ask yourself what exactly you want from life, whatever the answer is, you will have to sacrifice something and run the risk. And whatever it is that you decide to do, put your heart and mind in it and y can’t go wrong.

  80. J.Zal

    January 22, 2015 at 4:31 am

    Wow, you and I think EXACTLY the same. I think I want to marry you.

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