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BN Hot Topic: The Only Thing He Should be “Prospecting” at 35 is an Oil Well




For the past 5 days, I’ve had Mo’Cheddah’s “No Be Money” playing on repeat in the car because I think the guys at Knight House deserve a special award for the instrumentals on that track. You should listen to that song with correct speakers to have an idea of what I mean. Beat goes HARD! Anyway, in that song, Mo’Cheddah is saying that it’s not money she’s looking for but the man. She says it’s not about having a Range Rover or flashy things… in fact, she will “jump Okada” and “chop for Buka” as long as it’s her boo.

It’s  very nice and idyllic and it’s basically a subtle message to gold digging babes that it shouldn’t always be about money.  A lot of people say this as well, and some women even say they’re good if the guy is a “prospect” for doing more and being more.  I’ve always heard this and it was not something I’ve ever given extra thought to until I carried my friend Yaz in the car yesterday. “Abeg what is this rubbish music you’re listening to? At this age you’re still listening to these kinds of stupid lyrics? Abi you don’t know you’re old?” I couldn’t stop laughing because she was emphasizing on the age.

Yaz and I always crack jokes about being senior spinsters and we keep saying we’ll start a support group for “young’ns”.  Yaz reminded me of a friend of ours who broke up with her 37 year old boyfriend because he was still promising her that he had prospects and she should hang in there. Dude kept asking her to stop looking at the surface and to look deeper. She had looked deeper and found nothing. According to her, if at 37 you’re still hanging on to your prospects, what were you doing at 22 when your mates were planning?  She said she was all for believing in your man and she was formerly of the school of “No Be Money” thought until she realized she was not getting younger.

It can be argued that there’s no unifying clock that defines people especially in Nigeria when people are still writing JAMB exam at 22 and living at their parents’ at 25. Unlike in the US or the UK where guys are working at 15 and are planning to move out of the nest at 18. So, the issue of prospects can be said to differ according to the social background of the person. On the other hand, it can be said that there’s a certain drive that pushes you if you are a “have not” and some people just lack it. So it’s more of trying to figure out the point where drive/ambition meets opportunity.

In the case of Yaz and I’s friend’s boo, his drive had clearly not met opportunity and she wasn’t ready to wait any more. At 33, she didn’t care who judged her for dumping him; she wasn’t ready to keep waiting for “prospect”.

What do guys think? Is there an age limit for the guy’s “prospect” to materialize? Or do you agree with Yaz who says that the only thing a guy should be “prospecting” at 35 is an oil well. We all know we can’t “publicly” declare that it’s about money, so can we analyze these “prospects” we so easily like to throw about? Has staying with a guy with “prospects” paid off for you? Do you have any horror stories of when the guy came into his “kingdom” and made you regret hanging in there? Do you have stories of when you gave up on a 37 year old man with only “prospects” who then hit a gold mine on his 38th birthday?

Let’s discuss!

Photo Credit:

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. Chanelle

    June 20, 2013 at 2:42 pm


    • IdonChopdeyLookfortrouble

      June 21, 2013 at 10:18 am

      Atoke you lost me at “In the case of Yaz and I’s friend’s boo”Is this question of grammar or punctuation marks. While we are dumping men with “prospects” is it possible to find prospects in writing English well?

    • newbie

      June 21, 2013 at 6:14 pm

      Idon chop…..’Yaz and my friend’s boo…..’ would have been more appropriate, I agree. But we get the general gist, abi – the subject na boo of person wey be friend to Yaz and I 🙂

    • sewen

      June 24, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      Bros/sis, obviously u donchopbellefulldeyfindtrouble….lol

      If u r a regular here, u”ll appreciate it’s a “light” site and not an essay competition so u can excuse d ambiguity in d articles.

      At least comment on d main gist *wink*

  2. Abiola

    June 20, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Oya wey demmmmmmm commentssss….#evil grin#

    • Teris

      June 20, 2013 at 3:21 pm

      why wait for the crowd to swing ur vote? just (‘net)surf along and be back later for the comments. smh.
      i don’t mean to beef u but i’m kinda tired of these “let the comments begin” posts. now u’re relegating me to number.. whether 9 or 10 sef now!

    • Bleed blue

      June 20, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      LOL Teris you’re too cool jor!!!

  3. Concerned_Boyfriend

    June 20, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Patience they say is a virtue. Some of these women have on inkling of patience in their DNA. I’m not advocating wasting your whole life on a perpetual slow coach but every good thing in life (Marriage included) are products of time. Before a “prospect” becomes a prospect, make sure you communicate UNEQUIVOCALLY your aspirations and set a time limit. Many women get caught up in romance and forget to manage their goals and time in relationships… My 2 kobo

  4. jenny

    June 20, 2013 at 2:44 pm


  5. bella

    June 20, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    hunmm!!! its not easy staying(marrying) with a guy with prospects oo,but with God s help,i believe 2 heads are better than one,and the bible says 1 shall chase a thousand and 2 ten thousand. so if the two of you have good mind set and good plan,heaven is just a starting point.

  6. Joan

    June 20, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I honestly get the whole prospects thing at the age of 35+. I think a lot of women are worried that when the time comes and the guy finally ‘hammers’, he’ll suddenly realize that she is too old for him to marry (after waiting for him till she is in her thirties) or his mother suddenly remembers her best friend has a 25-year-old daughter that he can marry because this girl that has been with him all these years is [suddenly] disrespectful and lazy. I’ve seen instances where it has happened: girl waited for years for the guy to get on his feet and when he eventually did, she didn’t fit his new found status anymore. Someone that was jumping okada and danfo with him before o, now wey he get house for Lekki, she no reach again *sigh*
    This is just one angle to it o, there are so many reasons why it can be a very uncomfortable situation for a woman.
    I read something on IG once: “Make sure you are NOT falling in love with the potential of someone. We must know the difference between loving people for who they already are vs. loving the idea of what they could be. Make sure you are loving him for who he is today. His potential should be the icing…not the cake.” In my opinion, most guys expect that you will take the potential as the cake first, and when you don’t, you are instantly labeled a gold digger. There is a difference between wanting security to a certain level (and I think every woman wants that) versus trying to dig for gold or whatever else there is. Some guys just use the term “gold digger” to cover up their own inadequacies and lackadaisical attitudes.
    #MyOpinion 🙂

    • Teris

      June 20, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      chei! how many ways can i “like” this ur comment?!

    • hmm

      June 20, 2013 at 3:39 pm


    • yve

      June 20, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      +2!!! SO TRUE! if u r in-love with ‘potential’ then u r just gold-digging a future that hasn’t (and may not) happen. i realized that myself…after playing super supportive girlfriend( and giving every dollar i cld to ‘us’ and ‘our future’)…i realized that if this dude no hammer…i go vex…in which case, i really don’t love him at all anyway! so i bailed. now i’m with my true ride-or-die boo…come rain or shine…i just love WHO he is…present, past, future. simple. and that my dears is ALL.

    • yve

      June 20, 2013 at 5:18 pm

      from reading all the comments, the moral of the story is ‘DONOT BE UNEVENLY YOKED…’. i say that to myself all the time. if ur vision, status, income, expectations, dreams, plans, hopes, whatever DONOT match that of ur boo…nne and nna’s u r on a very long thing. biko go and find ur match! u’ll just be suffer heading urself to make it work. u’ll compromise too much and end up being resentful. so if ur dream is to support and grow together…make sure its also the man’s dream…if not, when u don support finish, the man go grow and leave u. simple. ladies…if u want an oil well man at 35…biko goto where oil wells are dug and navigate ur way to one of the owners of the well. simple. don’t be breathing fire on a man who has ambitions different from urs. #datisall

    • vanese

      June 21, 2013 at 8:30 am

      lol very funny and true

    • Amaka

      June 22, 2013 at 5:19 pm

      u are just too much hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    • Iamme

      June 20, 2013 at 5:18 pm

      Hi5 Joan!

    • Lorenz

      June 20, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      Joan!! marry me nah! I love already. You dey make sense die!

    • laolu

      June 20, 2013 at 6:57 pm

      this was the best comment! you really summed it up. and we all know how brodas who “hammer” suddenly want to upgrade and replace the women who was there for them when broke, with a new and flashy chic

    • Cee

      June 20, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      Well said Miss.

    • sweetie

      June 21, 2013 at 12:46 am

      well said!!!

    • Charlotte (Charlie)

      June 22, 2013 at 5:24 pm

      For those wondering….
      (Adjective) Lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy.

      I usually don’t comment on here but your comment was so simple and true I just had to. 🙂

    • sewen

      June 24, 2013 at 6:44 pm

      #glam#esp at using “gold-digger” as a way of covering their inadequacies

    • Ada Nnewi

      June 25, 2013 at 8:41 am

      I absolutely love your comment! Especially the end part, the Gold digger word is the most misused word by men these days!

  7. lizzie

    June 20, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    Lol, i go join prospect the oil well too oh. where e dey?

  8. X-factor

    June 20, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    Ghen Ghen

  9. eniola

    June 20, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Serious one. @ ”we all know we cant ‘publicly’ declare, it’s about the money” Hmmm. Atoke that na strong one o, I can tell that is very much at the back of most girls’ minds. Myself inclusive, though my definition of should have money isn’t the oil block level from the scratch, we’ll get there together.

  10. Funke

    June 20, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    If at 37, he isn’t banking i.e. rolling in cash but doing well for himself, that is fine – I can do that.

    If at 37, you don’t know if you want to marry me after a couple years of dating and you are yarning prospects, then Houston we’ve got a problem.

    Let us be clear on what we are “prospecting” abeg!

    • hiss

      June 20, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      Houston Bawo?? na houston dem rite d essay? mtchew!

    • Joan

      June 20, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      the “Houston” line is just an expression na, Google is your friend mehn.
      Atoke, see what you are causing. This post is just bringing out the grammar in all of us today lmbo!

    • Tiki

      June 20, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      Seriously, fam? It cannot be this hard to display some culture…and by ‘culture’ I don’t mean your traditional dancing, fufu-swallowing self! The world is bigger than your half a shell of an oyster.

  11. RIO

    June 20, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Prospecting an oil well at 35 indeed! Exactly the main reason why most of our ladies have become so materialistic and greedy.
    What a shame indeed!What % of Nigerian men are prospecting oil at 35 if I may ask?
    Do you think that the rest don’t have the motivation to prospect oil if the enabling environment is there? What role did you even play as a gf to motivate and work with him? A woman who walks away from me at 35 because I’m not prospecting an oil well should as well go to hell because she’s definitely not the one for me.
    Anyways, life is too short to start asking a stammerer for direction. The truth is that I have no time for this childish and materialistic view point.
    Men with vision/goal should walk tall and be proud of themselves – oil well or no oil well. As for me, I cannot undo all the things I did trying to become the man that I am. I cannot rewrite of retell the truth without recreating the truth…telling a lie. But I can promise myself and pledge that I intend to continue trying to be the best person I can be…hoping the effort will prove me worthy of the fullness of my humanity…and the joy of a better life.
    To hell with chics and their oil well prospecting bf/husbands. It seems Nigerian women have completely lost the true essence of life.

    • Joan

      June 20, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      Bros calm down na \_ \_ . U do realize the oil well thing is just a metaphor??? Haba lol. The thing vex you sha lol 🙂

    • #JustWondering

      June 21, 2013 at 8:25 am

      Oh Joan, i like you! Pls be my BFF! 😀

    • Masked

      June 20, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      calm down bros! life is not hard.

    • Comment awaiting Moderation

      June 20, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      Calm down nah. It’s not world war III. At least not yet…:)

    • Neo

      June 20, 2013 at 4:38 pm

      Epic fail! This dodo was obviously sleeping during Literature classes. LMAO!!!

      Oil prospecting boyfriends. Now we know your prospects do not lie in deciphering the subtle! bwahahahahaha. This just made my day.

    • Tiki

      June 20, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      loool. A bit ironic that your name is ‘rio’ and you have a problem with oil prospecting.

      But seriously, oil prospecting is a metaphor, you shouldn’t take it so literally.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 20, 2013 at 5:40 pm

      The one called “hiss” just above brought me to the edge with his/her “na Houston dem rite d essay?” retort and now you, my dear “Rio” have tipped me right over it.
      Kai, BN commenters you make the effort of scrolling down to read your offerings so very worth it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Atoke, please break it down a li’l bit more next time, ya hear??

    • sewen

      June 26, 2013 at 10:46 pm

      Lol! Dem go soon ask which edge u fall o…. 37 yr old banking oil prospect must Sabine oyinbo oooh… lwtmb

    • koko

      June 24, 2013 at 2:12 pm

      he dey pain you gangan

  12. avuekwe

    June 20, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    The topic got me cracked

  13. Anti-Plastic

    June 20, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    Some girls are really ignorant and have a huge sense of entitlement. They expect to marry a guy who turns his prospects into “prosperity” but in all this, what are this girls planning to bring to the table? Do they expect to be spoon-fed and pampered in this era. Do they have the zeal, motivation, patience and sacrifice it takes to stand by a man, but also go and make a success of themselves? Some girls seem to think it is only males who are judged on prospects. Wake up and smell the hot coffee (or pap!) – any lady who has designs on marrying a chap with prospects must herself have prospects, because no matter how successful a man is, a leach of a partner will soon be his doom.

    Look at all the great men in history – they have had a real stand-up women behind them. Some of the girls this days just want too much too soon, and open their beaks for morsels like seal pups. That guy you are expecting so much from, would you have the sacrifice and self-control to go through lean spells with him, while he saves up money for a project or a business or will you demand Bolivian weaves, Domino pizza, expensive dates to Island eateries, and prevent him from building a resource momentum? Even some of us with old fashioned housewife mums do not seem to realize the amount of work they did in the home, so that our fathers could turn prospects to pepper. How many girls these days can hold down a home without a house-help? How many can cook to feed a family of 5, without resorting to Indomie (which wasnt available back then)? How many are ready to cut their coat according to their size in lean periods in order to stoop to conquer without getting an inferiority complex when they open ThisDay style? Not many, huh? yeah, i thought not

    • Another Sane Dude

      June 21, 2013 at 11:27 am


  14. rexyyy

    June 20, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    hmmm….interesting that there is now a defined age to “make it”. Are you God?. the truth is everyone has a different path in life, some might be rich very early in life, only to suffer a setback. the key thing is a man that loves God and is hardworking, knows what he wants and he is on track to achieving , whether he gets it at 25 or 37 is left to fate. i know of a guy, had everything at 32 houses, cars you name it, his wife married a ‘oil well’ guy, 10 years in, he suffered a major setback, will she now leave him?. i think any one that leaves simply beccause he is not prospecting oil well at thirty whaever is shallow and superficial. i guess we should simple pray ‘God give me my flesh and my bone’. Good luck with the oil prospect.

    • hmm

      June 20, 2013 at 3:43 pm

      the article is about boyfriend and girlfriend NOT husband/wife

  15. Chika

    June 20, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    Watch some guys vex now lol.

  16. Christy

    June 20, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    It depends jare. My “friends” and his friends snigger behind my back – they say i became successful and I dumped his ass. Of course I did. Bros was not going nowhere at 34. He had all this big dreams, and he never did anything about it. He kept complaining about his profession. Change, do something else nooooo. He has to think very well of what he wants to do. Even the better paying job that he got, it was after pushing and pushing and pushing before he agreed that okay let me apply for these roles and he got one. Ope o, as soon as he got it, he rested on his oars again. Uncle wassup na, he was like i have sha gotten a better paying job now, are you not satisfied. Uncle, I am not because you can get better, you can do something else. His non chalant attitude was just irritating me, because this gal has dreams and is ambitious. This girl knows the kind of life she wants to live and the future she wants to give her children. One day I carefully left the brochure of a beautiful 4-bed house housing estate in a lovely area and the brochure of an expensive private school close to the place on my dining table. He saw it and he said my mouth is too wide, see me aiming high o, did i see the price of the house and school fees. That was the day something in me closed and I was just biding for my time to end it. The worst part was I was doing so well with my career and the gap between us was more apparent by the day. Things i set out to achieve I got and he was still in the same place he was before we met and he started resenting me and calling me lucky. My mum told him that i was too good for him. She didnt raise her daughter to marry someone like that. That he is just using me and enjoying the benefits of what i have been able to achieve and she will not open her eyes and let him suck me dry and ruin my life. He had better sharpen up or shapen out. So there is prospects and there is sheer laziness. If he only talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk you better walk out yourself.

    • bella

      June 20, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      kissessssssss christy!!!!!!!there is a huge difference between talk the talk and walk the walk.A guy can have good prospects and still sit down in one place,keeps nagging while his mate has passd him,i love ur opinion jare.

    • Christy

      June 20, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      My dear bella. Thank you o. I am not some lazy woman o who has big mouth. All the high things i have came from my sweat and blood. No one gave me or handed me anything. I was already earning way more than him and I didn’t mind. I even wanted to support him with my more income until he sorts himself out. I realised too late that he was just enjoying the comforts my salary provided. Breaking up with him gave me such a boost in my finances, I never realised that I had that much money I could save. So when I marry a baller like me, his friends should continue sniggering. I will pass them by and wave to them with me and my husband on the way to the top. A successful woman needs an equally successful man or even more sef so that together both of you can work to the top and one person is not pulling the others weight. because before you know it you will be dragged down too. It is now a different case if you are some lazy woman who just wants to sit down and expect that the man should become rich so that he can take care of her. In that case i will say she deserves a lazy man too because she is not bringing anything to the table. So if after 3+years someone will look at me and say I am not a patient woman – which his people and friends said. I will tell them that even with patience, you have to shine your eye and wait with sense. Don’t pour water into a basket. It will never be full. You either have or you don’t. You cant sow the seed of success in everyone.

    • Claus Von Stauffenberg

      June 20, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      It’s actually refreshing when a girl who’s driven herself also wants a man with the same values. Kudos.

      The annoying ones are the entitlement driven ones who bring nothing to the table, but expect the guy to produce their dream lifestyle for them.

    • Lorenz

      June 20, 2013 at 6:15 pm

      Aunty, na comment dem say make you write, no be article. I dey feel your pain sha.

    • omada

      June 20, 2013 at 10:13 pm

      GBAM! GBAM!! GBAM!!! I said this yesterday!!!!

  17. CaliforniaBawler

    June 20, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    As long as he is working and keeping busy while prospect is materializing…no wahala!! We had a similar discussion while i was visiting fam last week….My uncle was telling me about a group of guys he knew that weren’t working and were living with their women for free all in the name of waiting for one dream or the other to materialize, I straight-up told my uncle that the best thing for my husband is for him to have a job oh!! Otherwise I will put him to work….I have a full time job and a catering business on the side…If he stays at home 2days in a row and he’s not on leave from work, he will be frying plantain, rinsing pepper or washing pots before he knows whatsup…me I can’t stick lazy people o, I will help you find something sharp sharp….

    • The Original Beebee

      June 21, 2013 at 5:09 am

      3 Gbsas for you……lol

    • bussie

      July 4, 2013 at 12:46 pm

      babes! lolz! Hilarious!!!

  18. Crystal

    June 20, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Hmmm this prospect thing, i met a guy last year,he is 35,dude was on fire ready to get married to me by june this year,who dem go put sugar for mouth e go say e no sweet, i fell for him full swing, but thank God for time,I asked him what he did for a living and he said he was into farming which was so cool by me. Started asking other questions, he had issues in school, he did not graduate and never went back to school like 6 years ago,dude still leaves with his parents,
    Prospects or no prospects how do you want to get married to me na my teeth we go use pay the bride price,marriage aside you as a man how do you intend to fend for your ownself. Now the bone of contention here is that i was introduced to this guy by my cousin, when i called off the relationship cos i saw no headway hell was officially let loose, I became the greedy spinster,i became the red eye chic that is haughty and wants to marry to please her mother,forgeting that marriage comes with responsibility.
    Is it at 35 that dude will start going to school or learning handwork or bizness,If you held out with a man that was nobody leaving in a face me i slap u apartment and today he leaves in a mansion with you,good for you,Me ve begged God not to give me what i cannot bear at all. ur prospect must manifest before we hitch tent o

    • Tolani

      June 21, 2013 at 8:22 pm

      Lol! I love the translation that comes with handwork, ‘ise owo’ in Yoruba.

  19. Iyke

    June 20, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    lol – There is no such thing as “tiptoeing” into someone’s life… You either make an appearance that matters/impact…..or just keep on walking…
    Yes, I experienced this situation. The woman that I thought was mine, actually walked out on me because she couldn’t continue tolerating my then status. Growing up in Nigeria wasn’t easy just like most unemployed graduates back home. I had practically nothing, no accommodation, no job, no money ….except my qualifications and my vision.
    I met her, wanted her to know me…. Not because knowing her meant everything…to me… Knowing her, I supposed, would help me know better myself…more than I ever thought…more than I could ever be… I wanted her to become my mirror…But she walked away when I needed her the most. She stopped digging right at the point where the diamond was buried.
    Well, to cut the story short, in search of that which was misplaced…I stumbled upon that which was misdirected…misguided…mistreated…mismanaged… I found a part of myself…mistakenly abandoned…neglected and oddly not missed…no longer trusting…trust. Something which was lost…abused…exhausted beyond exception…passed over…overly used…overly played…left alone…apparently neglected! What to do…say…what’s left…gone…went away… Found purpose, reengaged…life reignited..the score replayed…I found the missing parts of my personal fortune…ME and it would be an understatement that life has been so uber fantastique since she walked away.
    WOMAN, know thine SELF!

    • bella

      June 20, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      hunmm!!!!!!!! i dont want u to blame her,its not always an easy thing,like i said earlier in my comment,it takes the grace of God,nothing more.

    • jennietobbie

      June 20, 2013 at 3:56 pm

      whoop!!! that’s something deep!!!!!

    • Chika

      June 20, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      Bros, why so lyrical?…just contribute in plain English biko nu lol

    • Ready

      June 21, 2013 at 11:37 pm

      Lol. See me o

    • Ready

      June 21, 2013 at 11:39 pm

      Lol. See me o! All the ….., even Jennietobbie has been bamboozled. Rhyming does not a poet make joo! I think I’m responding cause dude sounds like an ex. Happy finding, bros.

    • Amanda

      June 20, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      True Word.

    • sewen

      June 26, 2013 at 11:01 pm

      Bros, u sure say u don arrange urself well well now sef. Was even hard to make head/tail of ur rather “dramatic” comment. U don’t find a woman to help u discover urself. Marriage is for grown-ups. Not “grown” tods waiting to discover themselves

  20. Naveah

    June 20, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    “It can be argued that there’s no unifying clock that defines people especially in Nigeria when people are still writing JAMB exam at 22 and living at their parents’ at 25. Unlike in the US or the UK where guys are working at 15 and are planning to move out of the nest at 18.”

    The quote above is dead wrong, abeg. In which America (let me speak to the one wey I sabi) is a dude moving out of his parent’s out at 18? He maybe out living in the dormitory but he sure as hell ain’t paying no rent for an apartment so please let’s cut Nigerian guys a break. Nigerian men are more likely to have moved out of his parents house than here where some dudes are still home with their parents in their mid forties, I work with some of them. There is a guy I work with who makes over $100K a year but still lives in his parent’s basement apartment. Mommy calls him to ask what he wants for dinner and where his underwear is so she can toss it in the laundry. I do believe that Nigerian men are more ambitious, motivated than most American men especially African Americans, it’s just that with Nigerian men the opportunities are very slim and we all know that our society is about who you know, whose palms you grease etc etc etc.

    If a man has dreams rooted in reality and is making head way in achieving those dreams, his woman should support him as best as she can but if dude is smoking some good ish and blowing smoke in the air, a smart woman will wish him well and move on. What I can tolerate, another woman may not be able to do the same so each woman must weigh what is important to her in the long run.


    • laolu

      June 20, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      this was the best comment! you really summed it up. and we all know how brodas who “hammer” suddenly want to upgrade and replace the women who was there for them when broke, with a new and flashy chic

    • laolu

      June 20, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      actually in america lots of people are paying for themselves by age 18. don’t quote unless you get it write. moving back home after university (if not for the recession) was seen as a big joke and shameful. finish school move out. Only in naija are kids still hanging onto to ‘popsie’ after graduating

    • Naveah

      June 20, 2013 at 8:11 pm

      Maybe in your experience but not in mine so I am right in my own personal experience that guys in the States do not move out quite as quickly as the writer of the article is assuming. I have lived in the States since I was 16 years old which is when I started working, I don’t know many who were in school with me who were living on their own unless it was due to some extra ordinary circumstances like the parents where not doing their job. Many who do move out are in the dormitory or sharing outside campus housing with others but there are not many 18 year olds living on their own, paying rent etc.

  21. Naveah

    June 20, 2013 at 3:49 pm


  22. hmm

    June 20, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    I used to be the type that believed in being there for a man and supporting him till he made it…but now?…i dont think so …if you think you can, no problem ….if you cant please walk out…most of these men dont deserve it …some of them even if they marry you out of pity that you were with them when they had nothing …..they would either divorce you later on or make marriage miserable for you by constantly cheating because they have made money..only few value and appreciate the effort…..Ladies do you and what works for you ….some men even feel intimidated when you are trying to encourage and help them…..the most important thing is that you are both on the same page so that if it works out good , if not you dont feel too bad….also most women should also have something doing so they would feel safe…..

    • hmm

      June 20, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      Also if he is not talking marriage after spending yearsbeing there and supporting him…you have to start having plan B

  23. Ciara

    June 20, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    There is nothing wrong in praying and wishing for the supposedly oil prospector or an accomplished man at 35.That is a noble dream. I also think it’s every man’s dream to honestly be settled at that age ….unfortunately, wishes are not horses.
    But first, to attract such a man/woman, you too must be active if your own field. What are you bringing to the table?It takes two to really tango.
    You can’t be praying and wishing to meet Brad Pitt when you are an atutu Buyoyo and not making any effort to upgrade yourself.

  24. Bevshine events

    June 20, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Brother iyke are u a poet ?

  25. nene

    June 20, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    if you’re still “prosepecting” at 37, when will it stop. abeg that’s too late. in their early 30’s, most people know wat they want, who they are, and where they are going. late bloomers will probably take eternity, some might never make it. i believe wise people, whether poor/rich know and get what they want because they have actual plans and realizable goals. if anyone man/woman is going to 40 and still “prospecting”, i don’t have time for that.

  26. Tiki

    June 20, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    There’s a difference between waiting for manna, and waiting for opportunity. Even if you are prospecting, you should be positioning yourself for it to happen, and doing something to keep body and soul together while waiting. A man or woman who sits and folds their hands and prays that ‘ei go better’ does not deserve to have a hardworking partner who makes things happen, end of! So you want to be lazy? Fine. Go and find a lazy person, so that you will have all sorts of non-activities in common!

  27. Guys Perspective

    June 20, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    This one interesting topic, but I will add my two cents. One thing I have noticed amongst Nigerians recently is not been able to distinguish between goals, dreams and ambition. More often than not people get judged because they are content by been employees, and it appears that the expectation within Nigerian circles is for everyone to become entrepreneurs. The lack of a decent/appropriate definition of “success”/ “making it” is probably the greatest problem plaguing our society, yoruba’s refer to this phenomenon as “ mo fe dogun, mo fe dogbon, o mbe lowo olorun” a 25 year old man, who teaches at the neighborhood public school, may just have a goal become a headmaster by the time he his forty, I can assure you that, by the average Nigerian’s definition of success, he might still be referred to as a failure by several people when he becomes the headmaster at 37. I am sure they would have been people in Festac town who called Sound Sultan and Tuface lazy, when they were trying to find their way in the music industry. It’s okay to leave a guy because your dreams and goals do not align, but I am not sure you have the right to regard him as someone who lacks prospect, that doesn’t mean there are no lazy guys out there, but based on personal experience, some of the people I referred to as been lazy several years ago now possess “the Midas touch”. Often times, we try to act as fortune tellers but we are not Nostradamus and the successful guy today may turn out to be a pauper 10 years from now. My two cents….

    • mogu

      June 22, 2013 at 12:19 pm

      I totally agree with you , this definition is not unique to Nigeria ,in Africa you are not regarded as being successful unless you are an entrepreneur- period ! Being an employee is now considered “basic”

  28. Bishop

    June 20, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    At what age did most ladies Dad make it? was it 37????

    God is watching the unrealistic demands of most ladies in 5D

    • Preety

      June 24, 2013 at 10:08 am

      My dad made it at 24 and got married at 27 and don’t even compare these overgrown babies with the men of those days, pple who saw the war and had younger ones to train, omo they used bare hand to climb mountain like my father used to say. I am 23 years and just got confirmed after one year of being a management trainee, I’m doing a UK MBA online and planning to go for an internship by December next year in U.K with money I saved and u’re telling me that after saving at struggling to get my career to a comfortable point at 25. One pauper will come and say he has prospects. I’m not saying I want to marry a millonaire (infact let me not curse myself, a millonaire is not a bad idea) but the guy had better be actively working towards achieving his dreams nit someone who reads too many motivational books and lies to blow too much grammar. The worst part is that they are the ones who are the most demanding

  29. shardey

    June 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    i was in nd 1while he was in hnd 2, meaning he graduated and went 4 service while i was moving on 2 nd 2, he finished servin his nation and sat down at home waiting for job come knockin at his door by itself, i did my Industrial Training, worked in anoda coy where i earned 20k den, my swt lover boy growin 2 a man still seats at home saying ” i cant let pple or secretary’s bulshit me in d name of lookin 4 wrk” , i work 4 a year in dat coy and dcided to 4 my degree while schoolin i tried looking for something to atlst helped me pay my handout fees,cloth n put food on my table, luck shined on me i got employed in a bank wt my nd result and like christy’s guy said, he calld me ” lucky” 2, and still sat down doing nothing,i remembered on 2 ocassions, i took his cv to skye bank head office and glo office myself to help him find smthing since he does want insult. lol…… mayb he will call in few minutes tyme to ask aw far wt d employment, did i hear u say hmmmmmmmm? dat i guy i dated for over 4 years!!!!!!! B4, i knew it inferiority complex bgan to set in and guys… i had to ditch him. i call him SNAIL and i was ready and hoping to fly i didnt want smthing to slow my movement. @ RIO hia are my answers to ur question “Do you think that the rest don’t have the motivation to prospect oil if the enabling environment is there? ans: if u try hard, d evironment wasn’t dat bad in 2006-2007, he had good results and oracle 9i certified at dat time,he was jst a lazy being 2.What role did you even play as a gf to motivate and work with him?ans: i motivated him so many tyms, met pple on his behalf,took his ccvs to offices personally, buh hje never followed up or askd me aw far wt dem, my father offered him a job wt Nigerian customs, buh he never followed up, my younger sis fiance who had jst nd at dat tym got the job n hes wt nigerian customs today as a patriot, dat is a guy who have prospect of becoming grt by 35 not even 37. the truth is, we ladies are in best possition to knw if our guys av prospects and aiming 2 become smthing in lyf….. melo ni a fe ka ninu eyin adepele …msheewwwwwwwwww, some guys are not just ready to work or face lyf d way it comes. i call dem SNAIL

  30. Ciara

    June 20, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    @ nene, Don’t say Most people know what they want in their early 30s. In which planet is that?Nigeria?
    90% of Nigerians born and bred in Nigeria have no idea what they want ……How could you possibly know what you want when most of you are motivated by money and influenced by your parents and friends?How many of you could actually say that they graduated from the courses they set out to study in Nigeria Universities?
    Having money or working in an oil company doesn’t mean that you are doing what you want …… It’s not about money,though its good, but about the true essence of life….Your humanity.Rediscovering who you are and having the courage to pursue that which gives you joy.
    I studied engineering, never wanted it, but did it because society and family pushed me towards it.I wasted 6 yrs of my life pleasing my family and society, working in a firm that pays me really well.On my 36th Birthday, I volunteered and traveled with a group to Malawi to help provide water to those in need.That was where I found my bliss and I never looked back. Quit my job, joined hands with like minded people and for once in my life, did that which makes me happy everyday, ‘To HELP and touch lives.That to me,my friend, is the true essence of life. And my husband and daughter support this vision.
    My point? it doesn’t matter the age because if everybody is actually doing what they want in life before they are 30,there won’t be need for government to exist.Life doesn’t work that way because you are not in control of your future, hard as you may try.
    So, while you plan out your life to achieve all you want at age 25 which of course,is a proactive thing to do, just remember that you have no control of your tomorrow.
    Make today count!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 20, 2013 at 6:26 pm

      But… Not to detract from your own joy at finding what brings you true joy (& I applaud your courage at finding a new vocation that fulfills gaping needs in humanity); however, I beg to differ and have to agree with Nene. We mostly have a sense of what we truly would like to do by the time we hit 30, particularly in Nigeria where your parents have already shoe horned you into a university once you’ve finished SSCE. If anything, the light starts to dawn before you finish the degree but chances are that whatever you want to do with your life will need some financial support to start – hence the usual wahala of working in a job you’re not thrilled about until you can ditch it. In your case, you’ve more or less followed that script and now have the added advantage of a husband that can support the family as well. Note also that your dreams change and attaining one dream might lead to the yearning for a new goal.

      So putting that into perspective with Atoke’s hot topic, a man in his 30s who hasn’t even started making the effort of trying to earn a worthwhile living (notice my qualifier “making the effort of trying” before I get crucified by BN readers) hasn’t even begun to head down the route of realizing what he ultimately wants to do and any woman should approach with caution. I like what someone said above about differentiating between goals, ambition and dreams but I believe everyone must begin with a goal. And any man in his 30s must demonstrate a reasonable pursuit of this goal before a woman should be convinced to support his ambition and dreams.

  31. Frida

    June 20, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Errrrm, forget him prospecting at 37, me sef I will prospect myself into that oil well. Like attract like nah. As Christy said, “If he only talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk you better walk out yourself.” Let me add, “Walk yourself into your own oil well and you might just find your boo in a neighboring oil well.” In fact don’t let me vex and recount my story for you … at 37 prospecting my foot. Even if you have not reached full potential, let me see the ‘potent’ and know that you are guaranteed to add the ‘ial’ to it.

  32. Anu

    June 20, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Just curious, do you think you would have “found yourself” if she hadn’t left?

  33. Dee

    June 20, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    @Ciara. Well said. Very well said.

  34. chinco

    June 20, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    But why are most women so lazy and dependent? (Referring to the writer’s friends). Why do you have to wait for your man to be successful before you decide to settle down? Why not grow successful together? I know many women who married successful men who later lost it all and I know women who earn much more than their husbands and are happy in their homes. I think if people want to settle down, they should do so because they want to and they should realise any parent can be the primary breadwinner. #my opinion

    • nodle

      June 23, 2013 at 2:08 pm

      lol….and i also know women who married successful men, fast forward to 20 years, guess wat? the man is stil mega rich:)

    • Ada Nnewi

      June 25, 2013 at 9:12 am

      If you are the kind of man that quotes the bible shouting that a woman should submit to her husband please also note that the bible says that “A man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel”…Please note the bible says man not woman…a woman should “help” not shoulder all the responsibilities for keeping the home together!

  35. foluke

    June 20, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    My dad made his first million at 33. He is 75 now. My siblings and I lived a life of luxury because of his abilities to dream and follow through. So atoke, he had better be prospecting an oil well at 35. shikena

  36. Foluke

    June 20, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Looooooool! Had a good laugh reading the comments. Bottomline, know yourself and clearly define what ‘prospects’ mean. What works for one might not work for you!

  37. Joey Akan

    June 20, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    i totally get the hang of the ladies view-point. I’m a man whose daily life is a sequential planning of my future, setting goals, and achieving dreams. If at 35, and I’m still ”prospecting’, with nothing to show for my hustle in the 20”s, then I have failed myself and all who look to me. Inclusive of the supporting gf. I would hold no blame against her if she loses faith in me, because life is too short to ride along in a bouncy, uncomfortable slow coach. In the end, away from the love, and noble ideals that we aspire to place value in, we all are walking, talking, breathing, gisting and famzing materialists. And I”m not ashamed of that. Who has eaten love, drank romance, or survived on empty promises? Wore loyalty, drove patience or wiped his sweat with faith? No one! We can’t survive comfortably without substance, never! those ideals never paid debts or bought a better life. So no lady should be tied to a ”prospector” until they prospect to the grave. Work hard, think straight, achieve goals, hustle straight, prospect early and love passionately. Your love will be by default, and not by empty pressured promises. #spentallmy2koboonthatone#

    • Joan

      June 20, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      Finally, a man who gets it! Thank you, Joey! 🙂

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 20, 2013 at 8:07 pm

      As in, you don pass exam finish, dear Uncle Joey. 100 over 100 for you!

    • As a nwa-guy

      June 21, 2013 at 8:38 am

      Fafafaaaa foul… Man and woman matter is fraught with adversity so this your kumbaya analysis no pass the smell test at all.’…for richer or poorer through sickness and in health’. You need to think about those words very well oh. Everybody loves money so it’s easy to get along when you’re ‘oil prospecting’ at 35. What happens if the oil well dries up at 45? And if you’re banking on a woman (today’s woman especially) remembering all the good times you had when ‘money beaucoup’, you go old. FYI, money given to a man is a loan and money given to a woman is charity.

    • koko

      June 24, 2013 at 2:50 pm

      hi joey re u single?

    • Toyin

      July 2, 2013 at 6:53 pm

      You are absolutely right. You Spoke like a logical and mature man.

  38. Frida

    June 20, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    Joey abi wetin be you name, wo 21 gbosas for you. Well spoken, like a true man.

  39. Emmanuel

    June 20, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    A woman who is measuring you based on how secure you are, is a coward. It is FEAR that has eaten so deep into her consciousness not to look beyond the so called ‘Oil Well’ tag. I tell you guy, RUN.
    To get the partner of your dreams, you must first become the partner of your dreams, so that issues like this will never arise in the first place.
    It has taken a life of living to say with some certainty…I now know better how to live…and what I am living for… For better or worst…everyday is a new opportunity to spend the sum of what I have become…believing in a purpose…passion…an organic pursuit…which gives definition to the wealth of character and promise I have tried to build… Too far into it not to be whole…I realize that no matter the destination of my destiny…I feel well equipped with every step of my arrival…. Life has given me much…but allowed me to earn more…and I have given myself permission…to be deserving… The rest continues to be written…
    And if you are 37 and still prospecting, as long as you are not lazy, have the requisite qualifications, tools, courage and will, I say to you, NEVER GIVE UP. It will happen. A woman who is truly in love with you, will never forsake you.
    But if you are lazy, what then is the essence of living?

  40. Ajoke

    June 20, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    It is not really about having prospects or potential, it is what the guy does with these prospects.
    Dated a guy for five years and we both came from rich backgrounds.
    I have a mentality that my father wealth is not mine and my parents do not owe me anything. So before i finished uni i was already was job hunting and hustling, he was just chilling and busy doing omo baba olowo.
    Eventually i got a job and bro was still looking for work, he slowly started getting depressed due to his unemployment status.
    I tried being the supportive girlfriend, i would help him apply for jobs, always gave him a percentage of my salary every month to help him financially, send his cv around and even pray and fast for him.
    I did everything for this guy, then all of a sudden he started complaining that i was controlling because i kept on trying to push him to utilize his potentials, then jealousy set in, he used to complain that because i was making money i became proud and rude and thot i was better than him. A few months later i couldnt take it anymore and i broke up with him, it wasn’t until i left him that i realized how much of a drain he was financially, emotionally and spiritually. That relationship made me realize that emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.. He would insult me, made me feel worthless and useless just because i was doing better than him financially and careerwise
    As far as i am concerned i have paid my penance to waste niggas for a life time
    I am not necessarily looking for a man that has already made his money but if the guy is not at least actively working towards his goals and his dreams, then please carry your bad market and go
    Mi o wa aiye iya

    • Bosede

      June 20, 2013 at 8:25 pm

      I am recognising my fellow sisters from this comments. I agree that it is not until you leave him that you realise the enormity of his drain on you. I walked away last year and what I have been able to achieve for myself, in all the years we had been together I didn’t. I had a big project that I was undertaking, and because i didn’t have to fight him or ask his opinion or want to carry him along, I felt so free and things moved so fast. I wasn’t second guessing myself or wondering how i will package it so that i don’t bruise his ego or make him uncomfortable. My car was bad and I wanted to change it to something i wanted. So he will not feel bad i kept using the old car. The day I drove out of that dealership I had tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe I denied myself something I worked for, something I deserved because of him. I was balling in the sense of balling. Taking decisions without someone dragging you down. These past few months have been liberating and my eyes don clear. Emi gan o waiye iya. I have turned my life around from my humble beginnings. I want someone that will add to my life and with what I have I will add to his own life too. Together we will add to each others lives and create something bigger. 1 + 1 = 2 while 1 + 0 = 1. Like @yve said above DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED. I would have married this man because he kept pressuring. My dad said no to him. He said he didn’t think he was ready to marry his daughter. This was a man of 33. My mum just wanted to see me married as I am approaching 30. I am thankful everyday for my dad because if I had married him my life would have head off in another direction. So ladies, never ever ever ever let anyone make you feel guilty for leaving a sinking ship. Never let anyone blackmail you into staying either. Don’t say that people will say you left him because he hadn’t made it. If you know deep in your heart that he is not going nowhere, the signs are there. Count your losses and move on biko. No years of dating is worth mortgaging your future and your children’s future. Like @Christy’s story my ex’s friends were saying some nonsense. Even people i thought were my friends too were talking trash but I am free now and truly free indeed. To other comments talking about materialistic girls and gold diggers. I don’t think this article is meant for such girls. I believe Atoke is talking about girls who are working hard, making something of their careers and businesses while their boyfriends are sitting down waiting for the proverbial Isaac Newton’s apple to fall on their heads before they get off their butts and do something. Learn to differentiate between those two. Not all women are just waiting for a man to enrich their lives. The true gold diggers don’t wait for a man, they go for the already made. Lord lift us up to where we belong.


      September 6, 2013 at 8:10 am

      Very well said. Now I understand more about the mentality of women from several similar comments by the female folks. Leaving him made you realize the drain he was. Well said, but I put it plain to you all out there. If all men leave their girlfriends, I doubt if there will ever be women as rich as men. Truth be told, Men support women more not minding the financial, psychological and emotional drain they are on them. But wen women support men for a short while and feel how men feel most times that is when they realize the assisting in whatever form is a drain. I now know beta how women look at men,” u can collect for ever but no expect me to collect for long”.

      Well, after all said and done, I’m think the best bet is to toast women only based what they have to offer since women look for “oil rig prospecting” guys only, Men should look for “Diamond Prospecting” women only. Hope this does justice to the myopic reasoning of most ladies on this page. QED

    • Bookie

      June 20, 2013 at 9:10 pm

      Geeeezzz, it’s as if you were talking about me. I went through the EXACT same thing. Being supportive, encouraging and being there for your man, but all of a sudden you’re the bad person ’cause you dared to make something out of yourself while he decided to remain angry with his father for not getting him a job! I think one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is not knowing when it is time to move on. I dumped him and moved on. I then realised what a drain he was on me.
      We are supposed to be an Asset to each other, not you trying to suck me dry. I have no intention of sticking around with a man who does not want to help himself. I’m not looking to adopt a son in his thirties….

    • bussie

      July 4, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      abi oh! true word!

  41. Nice Anon

    June 20, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    You know what the biggest issue here is? The relative definition of “making it” “made it” One person’s made it is another’s try again bro. What matters to all of us differs greatly. Just strive to be the best you can be and a like minded person should admire that. Everyone won’t be able to afford a trip to Bora Bora and for some, going to Obudu is the ultimate vacation spot so make we all maintain in our various different levels.

    • As a nwa-guy

      June 21, 2013 at 8:59 am

      I agree. The problem is Atoke’s friend and her ‘oil well prospecting’ reference. If I’m an oil well prospector at 35 then that girl needs to be a 24 year old international supermodel.

  42. b

    June 20, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    We seem to know it all, don’t we??? 🙂 great write up Atoke.

  43. Teema

    June 20, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    I think being patient and hoping to make it with yo boo one day is very good. I just don’t think it always happens, we change as time passes on and there might be fews surprise on the road to getting there. My cousin hubby has been going to nursing school here in the States for 7 years and counting… They just had their 3 rd child and I wonder if he’ll ever graduate. Fast forward my sweet cousin been working double shifts to support him while he finishes school .SMH! Now they have been together almost 12 years; and everything started since Home in Africa. I personally take a lesson from that. May Gad make it easy for all of us.

  44. Mama mia!!!

    June 20, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    Here are my thoughts on ‘prospects’ like most words nowadays, we only define words to mean what we want them to mean to us. Prospects can mean anything to anyone. For me o, Prospects does not mean you must be extremely wealthy, but at least have something in common with me or a bit higher to the level I have attained. Like my friend will always say ‘ I will never disappoint my dad by leaving his house where I drink Milo everyday and eat three square meals or more to someone else’s house to drink Garri’ I totally agree with her! Michelle Obama is a classic example people use as the perfect woman that stood by her man, though people forget she did have something in common with Obama don’t even get me started on their attending one of the best universities in the world. they also had a vision for what they wanted and with the support of Michelle he got there. Now, that is the kind of prospect I can envision for my self. You mustn’t come from a rich background but lets have something in common, something that can make me over look the other issues the world seem to care about. Life is real and we can’t afford not to think of our kids nowadays. Bottom line, if you are not ready to better yourself, you are out the door and I am no gold digger for wanting something better for myself and kids in future. Also, just to be clear I am not talking about quick money but real effort/hard working money!!!

    • omada

      June 20, 2013 at 10:35 pm

      GBAM! GBAM!! GBAM!!!

    • larz

      June 27, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      It is called having a vision vs having a dream. Most ppl have a dream (sleep, dream, wake up and imagine life if dream comes thru). Others have visions, right in front of them n they work hard and hustle to meeting that dream. very often dreams r end points whilst visions includes well thought of strategy.
      Dream- I wanna be rich with a pretty wife and two kids n we live in a big mansion in Miami
      Vision- I want to build my career, get married, have said kids, slowly build a property portfolio,and when I have enough money to afford it, buy that mansion.

    • bussie

      July 4, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      I will never disappoint my dad by leaving his house where I drink Milo everyday and eat three square meals or more to someone else’s house to drink Garri’!!! tell them biko!

  45. chinco

    June 20, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    I also want to add that its a thing of history that every1 above 18 abroad is self sufficient. Iv had a lot of foreigners tell me that’s just common knowledge that doesn’t apply… Especially with the economic crisis in the states

  46. Oaken

    June 21, 2013 at 2:49 am

    Nothing wrong with women owning their own oil block at 35 yrs old too. This ebina mentality in NAija women is rather repulsive…you women need to stop looking for made men but for a change get yo chit together. Awon Elebi dede…no wonder those poor men in NAija do crazy things to belong

    • bella

      June 21, 2013 at 8:52 am

      u make me laugh!!!!! seriously there s no big deal for a woman having her oil block @ 35.folorunsho alakija made it with the help of her husband,its her name that s all over has one of the richest woman thats because she has a supporting guyz believe we are just after marriage,boy,its not compulsory,i cant let one idiot wey no get future slow me down in life ooo.i need to know u have (working) prospects,not just any prospects.lisfe is too short to live in poverty.

  47. The Fairy GodSister

    June 21, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Your comments are too long! Sheesh! As for Rio and Hiss, it is well with you. If not now, it will be well with you later!

  48. Silly Girls

    June 21, 2013 at 9:23 am

    Is it by force to marry? Why do you keep complaining about their prospect?
    If they aint balling, leave them and stay in your fathers house na.
    Why are you bothered about another man’s life? Dont date them and stay single in your fathers house.

    One question i have not been able to answer within me is that when a man foots all the bills, spoils the babe, buys this buys that, no body knows he is doing anything; no one hears it on the roof top but when a girl pays just one bill, the come out saying they did this they did that.

    All these years he’s been taking them out, buy them gifts, movies, ice cream, phones, human hair, shoes, clothes, shoping….no one ever heard it from his mouth. Just because you gave him 10k once in your life, you get a loud speaker proclaiming it out.

    What is the little you have done for him compared to what he has done for you since he met you? Majority of what a girl has was bought by one guy or the other- whether bf, sugar daddy, aristo or whatever.

    Selfish human beings! Y’all should rot in your fathers house and leave the guys. If he is poor and not making it, leave him alone!!!!!!!!!!!. They force you to stay there? They force you to date him?

    If i ever hear a lady complain beside me again, you will hear the story of your life.

    • hmm

      June 21, 2013 at 11:44 am

      you are deluded…you have twisted the story to suit you……this is not about guys that helped and all of a sudden went poor …this is about guys that never contributed but kept making excuses/taking your money…if you were buying for a babe and she kept giving you attitude or making excuses wont you dump her?….and for your information some of us have our money or fathers/siblings who take care of us and dont depend on no random man…..silly boy…

    • Miss Anonymous

      June 21, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      Did you just say majority of what a girl has was bought by one guy or the other- whether bf, sugar daddy, aristo or whatever. Says a lot about your background and your views about life. It also shows the kind of people you’ve been surrounding yourself with.

      Just so you know there are many young, single, working class women with good jobs who have moved out of daddy’s house and who don’t need a man to buy human hair, phones, a car, or sponsor a vacation.

      Also no one ever said marriage is a do or die affair.

    • Ada Nnewi

      June 25, 2013 at 9:21 am

      I have said it before and I will say it again “It is a Man’s Duty to provide for his family therefore if a man spoils his woman silly with gifts and all, it is not a big deal because he is doing his duty! The bible CLEARLY SPELLS IT OUT “A man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel”…Please note the bible says man not woman…a woman should “help” not shoulder all the responsibilities for keeping the home together! I’m sure the Koran does not support men feeding off their women without contributing meaningfully..

    • Chinny

      August 10, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      That’s the difference between men and women. There’s nothing wrong with a woman helping her man but i feel it’s wrong for a man to expect a woman to foot majority of the bills.

  49. hmm

    June 21, 2013 at 11:44 am

    you are deluded…you have twisted the story to suit you……this is not about guys that helped and all of a sudden went poor …this is about guys that never contributed but kept making excuses/taking your money…if you were buying for a babe and she kept giving you attitude or making excuses wont you dump her?….and for your information some of us have our money or fathers/siblings who take care of us and dont depend on no random man…..silly boy…

  50. Walkthetalk

    June 21, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Jeez! This is how people fail English language during WAEC. Reading a passage and going off on a tangent when answering questions. Some people have problems with comprehension. i.e Rio, Anti-plastic and Silly girls. Where were you when the the topic ‘comprehension’ was being taught during English language lessons while you were in secondary school? I suggest you go back and read the article again before making comments totally unrelated to the article. You know, reading something twice sometimes make it clearer.

    Gold diggers (which is so not what the article is about) don’t sniff around prospects, they go straight for the already prosperous!

  51. Miss Anonymous

    June 21, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    Make sure you are loving him for who he is today. His potential should be the icing…not the cake.” You couldn’t have said it better!

  52. comment awaiting moderation!

    June 21, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Hmmmmm,it all good

  53. Justin Slayer

    June 21, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    Hmmm. Very interesting topic.Couldn’t help but drop one or two lines.For starters,the girl in story why is she not married @ 33? By the way,what is all dis talk about prospects? In a country with 40 million unemployed youths and horrendous economic conditions? Abeg! The truth is the present economic condition makes nonsense of whatever prospects a guy might have..There comes a time in a lady’s life when she has to decide whether she wants to get married or not (prospects or no prospects).just my 2 kobo.

    • Speechless in Lagos Lagoon

      June 24, 2013 at 1:21 pm


      Why is she still single at 33? Probably because she was avoiding guys like you who the place responsibility for their future in the hands of “fate” without taking any responsibility. So what if the economy is in shambles, its not the first time in history this is happening. There are still some people who will make something out of what seems to be nothing, but darling with your mindset i guess you’re not one of them.

      The truth is a woman is surely better off single than being married to someone that will add no value but instead subtract from her, physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually.

      You Mr. Gentleman should wake up and smell reality…….only a woman with no confidence would get married to someone who is only qualified because he has the right genitalia..So get with the program and “get some prospects” and more importantly, WORK TOWARDS THEM!!!

  54. hmmnn

    June 22, 2013 at 2:38 am

    enjoyed reading all the comments

  55. dang!!!

    June 23, 2013 at 6:24 am

    everyone has said it all, @ atoke, seems you’ve been invisiblly hanging around me and my friends of late.
    we’ve been having debate on this same issue and still brought it up again last week and now some tease me with words like”madam rich guy” of all my friends it was the married one that said what am saying is true.
    I am approaching 30 with a great career and you think I want to settle for prospect,tufiakwa!!! would have gladly done that in early 20s but not now,i have professionals around me all day long so I know shame won’t allow him say that he has no job. life is about upgrading he should either do that or (like goods on amazon, that carry have stopped being produced by the producer) be out of function. I love your prospect and all but please have enough change so that when am supporting you I don’t feel like an enabler or like am overspending.

  56. Justin Slayer

    June 25, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    …a rejoinder.. @speechless in lagos lagoon, I guess you are one of those frustrated single naija babes that have suddenly realised that life doesn’t revole around them. I strong take exception to this sick mentality of single babes blaming everybody but themselves for their “predicament”.Is there something wrong with 70 million men or one single woman? By the way how old are you? #just wondering#

    • Speechless in Lagos Lagoon

      June 26, 2013 at 10:59 am

      Hahaha! You must really have issues to think that every woman that can’t stand men who don’t know where they are going is single or frustrated, its not your fault though, maybe the women closest to you didn’t set right examples…anyways so sorry you feel that way, hopefully with time your closed mind will open…By the way, I’m married to a wonderful, intelligent, handsome, hardworking, successful, fun and enlightened man and I’m very successful for my young age, I betcha I can pay your salary hence your frustrations…Bye

  57. Dekemisola

    June 26, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    My friend told me a story once…about another friend of hers. This chic literally suffered with the dude. Fasted and prayed severally for him to get a good job and ish. God finally answered and he began working and earning well. His status changed and he suddenly believed that she didn’t fit his new found status. He couldn’t take her out or anything. And he later broke up with her cos she didnt have his swag (so to speak).
    My friend swore never to go thru that with anyone, no matter the intensity of love claimed by either party. Whenever her man suggested they fast, she would go somewhere and have breakfast because she believed a guy that would stay would stay whether you suffer with him or not.

  58. Rhecks

    June 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Lol @ Oaken and Silly girls. Very funny…

  59. larz

    June 27, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Dating is a modern term, courting is a much more traditional term. Courting is dating with purpose, purpose is marriage. Ask your pastor or Alfa. If you are still finding yourself, you have no biz whastsover to start a rship with purpose. Have frns but dont tie each other down.

  60. larz

    June 27, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    True story
    Gal- turning 25, about to buy a house
    Guy- turning 35, trying to find himself.
    One day, a month on guy asked gal if hypotetically, she would consider giving him all her savings. Gal said no. Guy said she wasnt submissive enuf and that it was a test.
    Lets be honest, having some real close to u that has what u want will either
    a) encourage u to push harder- easy to spot
    b) make u realise how far behind u r, and sets u back i.e. demotivating
    c) make u resentful n sabotage the relationship
    d) cuz u to b dependent on each other

    Either way, it might not be worth it. It may be better off just being frns. Whats wrong with friendship anyways? Why r we so scared to b frns?

  61. Justin Slayer

    June 27, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    again…@ speechless in lagos lagoon.You’ve gotten all wrong.What’s all this talk about paying my salary…you don’t even know me.Besides whoever said the richest people in the world were the happiest? If that is not closemindedness,i don’t know what is..You sound quite immature…..#wink#

    • Speechless in Lagos Lagoon

      June 27, 2013 at 8:26 pm

      I apologize, wanted to get you riled up and though it worked, don’t think it was worth it though.

      In a nutshell, there are just two points I’m trying to get across:

      1) A man should be on his way to achieving his “prospects” at 35 regardless. He doesn’t have to be a millionaire to do that but he should be able to cater for a companion if he chooses to have one. He could be a kiosk owner that’s saving towards a bigger shop, a bus driver that owns a bus and is trying to buy more, a senior staff pushing himself and developing himself so he would be able to shine when the opportunity for a promotion comes by, a lawyer taking cases no one else wants and perfecting his “art” while waiting for that big case etc…what i’m trying to say is times are hard but while your dreams are taking shape keep productively busy.

      2) Don’t generalize. Your theory about 30-something single women is quite untrue. A lot of men could miss out on fantastic women just because of that mindset.

      Had to try and keep it short..Have a great night…

    • w

      July 10, 2013 at 1:21 am

      @Justin Slayer oya now apologize too to @Speechless in Lagos Lagoon, now. This wonderful Lady has apologized & that is real class! You just have to realize & agree she has got two good points there that can’t be refuted……… Anyways, my experience with women hasn’t been that jolly good. I courted a beautiful lady who stood by me when things became very very rough. I had set my goals, had a vision & certainly dreams. For 3yrs she stood by me (prayed, fasted, shared her little salary with me, etc) & after I literally “hammered” (my 1st payment was more than all the money I’ve earned for the last 10yrs since I graduated from the university) she broke up with me & married somebody else supposedly richer than me almost immediately (within 3months). This person she married would just earn about that my 1st payment as his salary in a year in the oil company he works at & I still have two more of such payments to go this year alone. Meanwhile all this supposed money (1st , 2nd & 3rd payments) can actually be peanuts from the potential I could earn in the next 6yrs at this contract. The work we do has unearthed a goldmine for our client that he would have to swing our way to help them mine the gold (figuratively speaking). The expertise to do that isn’t readily available in Nigeria & by the grace of GOD the next 6yrs na hammering galore. We spent the money together, I gave her considerable sums for her business plans. We talked for hours daily, spent almost all my free time with her, etc & she still upped & married somebody else. We could’ve married earlier if not for the fact that my business failed before this new job. I still wonder how this could have happened after the bad/wonder times we had together. My prayer obviously is for GOD to help me find the right woman ‘cos mehn fake babes full town…

  62. amaka ajah

    June 27, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    hmm nice one @christy

  63. Gauche

    July 5, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Ladies screaming about ready made? Ok, I’m 26, male Nigerian, went from undergrad to MSc to Oil & Gas Expat in the Arabian Peninsula in 9years (arab money ishhh, lol) and I’m as single as a blackhole. But it’s no surprise given the preponderance of superficial vacuous ladies around today (some alive and kicking on here). Ladies who are averse to the intense focus, determination and sometimes willful negligence of emotions achieving grand goals entails. Quintessential material girls with fingers wrapped around Okadas (or more generically, pricy Iphones/BBs/Andriods) and beautiful but empty skulls draped with curls from Latin America (what even makes them think African hair isn’t good enough? Neo-colonialism I guess) are as ubiquitous as pure water bags in Onitsha (if not more so).

    “He(she) made it then he(she) left her(him)” please try developing yourself as he(she) gradually realizes his(her) potential especially your minds, doesn’t have to be you getting a banging job. Chances are as men(women) toil to create the desired environment for their future wife/husband and kids they’ll come across a lot enlightened men(women) of ambition/class/respect/intellect/strength/compassion, and in the end these are the kinds of women(men) they’ll want for partners. It’s definitely over when she(he) realizes that even talking to you is a bit of a witless uninteresting drag. Without the sparks present between even-minded hearts, “Us” shatters into a million shards.

    In the end, it’s team-building, you pick up some skills we’ll need while I do the same. “Non-participating” team members get kicked off.

  64. ANNE

    July 5, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    hey we talking about results not targets,nearly cannot kill a bird. please people wake-up!!!

  65. kayman

    July 9, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    d truth iz dat not ol bf/gf are meant to b. infact some re not just compatible i know of a couple who struggled but d guy seemed to be making no headway. the gal got annoyed n left, n luck smiled on d guy he made it big n found another gal. the truth iz no one haz control of the future just keep on trying n praying n never give up. above ol it pays to b close to God ol d tyme bye

  66. w

    July 10, 2013 at 1:25 am

    @Justin Slayer oya now apologize too to @Speechless in Lagos Lagoon, now. This wonderful Lady has apologized & that is real class! You just have to realize & agree she has got two good points there that can’t be refuted……… Anyways, my experience with women hasn’t been that jolly good. I courted a beautiful lady who stood by me when things became very very rough. I had set my goals, had a vision & certainly dreams. For 3yrs she stood by me (prayed, fasted, shared her little salary with me, etc) & after I literally “hammered” (my 1st payment was more than all the money I’ve earned for the last 10yrs since I graduated from the university) she broke up with me & married somebody else supposedly richer than me almost immediately (within 3months). This person she married would just earn about that my 1st payment as his salary in a year in the oil company he works at & I still have two more of such payments to go this year alone. Meanwhile all this supposed money (1st , 2nd & 3rd payments) can actually be peanuts from the potential I could earn in the next 6yrs at this contract. The work we do has unearthed a goldmine for our client that he would have to swing our way to help them mine the gold (figuratively speaking). The expertise to do that isn’t readily available in Nigeria & by the grace of GOD the next 6yrs na hammering galore. We spent the money together, I gave her considerable sums for her business plans. We talked for hours daily, spent almost all my free time with her, etc & she still upped & married somebody else. We could’ve married earlier if not for the fact that my business failed before this new job. I still wonder how this could have happened after the bad/wonder times we had together. My prayer obviously is for GOD to help me find the right woman ‘cos mehn fake babes full town…

  67. HOPE

    July 16, 2013 at 2:28 am

    Interesting article;loved some of the comments.However, in all, be close to your maker(GOD) so as to know who is meant for you.I strongly agree, that men should be the providers and women homemakers.

  68. haba

    August 7, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    After all dat’s said and done…more is usually said;than done…”FAKE girls full town”

  69. Love

    August 16, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    Been there, done that. lol…. An unambitious man gives off bad odor. I’m totally for ladies making their ways without depending on men. I’m in my mid 20s, overcome 1 messy relationship in my life, Stopped asking my parents for money at 20, in the process of getting another degree paid by me, putting in hours to my work, buy what I need without asking anyone and all my BF says is babe, u seem to love your job more than me, u are too independent,blah,blah,blah….. Meanwhile, this guy has never given me N10 in his whole life and he expects me not to give my best at what I do…Abegiiii! I no dey do o. hehehehehee!!! Men who know what they want and go about seeing to its realization are IT. Cant imagine getting hitched to a man I can’t discuss my pro life with even if a little part of it….. Babes!!! Wise up,Train urself if u need to, start that business, improve on that skill that u’ve got, be confident and be sure you’ll attract ur kind… my 2 cents

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