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Have You Experienced the “Marriage Shock”?

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A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers Ruth Bell Graham

I got a call from a not too close aunt from London on Monday evening; I haven’t heard from her in almost 6 years. She heard I was getting married and she got my number from my mum and called to talk to me about marriage. She’s one of those really nice ladies who just had it rough with marriage. I was expecting her to pull the institution down and all – but no. You should have heard the way she spoke about marriage; you’d think she was in marriage and enjoying it to the fullest. I really appreciated her call and I made a mental note to keep in touch with this beautiful soul.

That being said, my friend *Tejumade came into the country two weeks ago for her intromimo (introduction) and I was her only friend present at the event. She just didn’t want something huge. Her hubby just moved into a bigger apartment and they’re both planning for her to relocate back to the country say January 2014 latest so she stayed at his apartment all through her stay. She called me about 4 days after the event to complain about some ‘shocks’ she had been observing ever since they did their introduction.

I’ll explain what I mean by ‘shocks’. You know hen you travel/relocate to a different country for the first time, there’s something called ‘Culture Shock’ which is a disorientation caused by a change from one environment, culture, ideology etc to another that is radically different or alien. I personally believe ‘Marriage Shock’ exist.

To start with, she feels her hubby is more controlling now and no longer as sweet as before. She says she feels like a scullery maid every time she cooks for him and serves him on the dining table while he’s probably watching soccer or ‘reading the dailies’. The latter almost made me laugh out while she was whining about it.

According to her, he no longer stays with her in the kitchen while she cooks – to which I responded “I see no reason why he should be in the kitchen with you EVERY TIME”. She said she can’t wait to travel back to the States and resume the long distance I-love-you mushy-mushy things. They had dated for about 4 years.

She says her hubby feels he ‘owns’ her already, telling her ‘no decent married woman receives calls from male friends at 11pm.’ I didn’t even know when I started laughing because she was complaining like a kid, even though I felt what she was actually going through somewhat.

Don’t get me wrong, the above she observed aren’t things she sees as bad or ludicrous – they’re just, in her words ‘Nike, you know now, I didn’t see them coming jor wahala yi ti poju o (this trouble is too much o)’.

I know *Tejumade. She’s been my friend for over 16 years and I know she’s a superb drama queen. She can complain for Africa. I told her she was being paranoid and she needs to brace up properly for marriage. Before she hung up, I then told her that yes, I personally observed a ‘few shocks’ after my introduction. I’ll be getting married very soon and I had to throw a big tantrum some weeks ago about my fiancé not being as mushy-mushy as before. He apologized profusely and said we were probably under too much pressure with wedding preparations and all.

Now, I have to run almost everything by him before making any decision (he knows I’ve always been the type who’d make a decision in the morning and just say it in passing much later at night). The ‘we’ thing makes me feel like a disobedient child who is equally selfish. He’s still sweet and kind, but he doesn’t allow me have my way every time unlike before – do you get my point at all?

Here’s my question: Do you believe ‘Marriage Shock’ exists? What were those things that ‘shocked’ you when you initially settled down with your spouse? Did it blow into huge arguments? How did you handle them? Men aren’t left out of this issue – what were those things you found a bit strange in your spouse when you settled down? How were you able to manage those issues?

PS: My good friend *Tejumade knows about this write-up by the way.

And to that person getting married this weekend, may God be with your home. He’ll hold your hands all through and you’ll never walk alone.

Photo Credit: knightcourtgh.com

Adenike Adewuyi is a 28yr old broadcaster at Splash105.5FM Ibadan. She anchors interview programmes for women and entrepreneurs plus she presents documentaries. She was nominated at the 2012 Future Awards (OAP Radio category) You can follow her on twitter @Omotomilola or visit her blog: www.adenikeadewuyi.blogspot.com

109 Comments

  1. Hmmmh

    August 12, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Lol @ she can complain for Africa..Marriage shock ‘ ..if that it’s been called is something that will always happen no matter how well you know the other partner and it’s even worse if long distance is involved. I always advise anyone I know getting married to try to spend the first few years together with the partner ,not all those long distance marriage abeg.This would make one be able to deal with the shock earlier in marriage and it’s better to let your partner know what you don’t like than to just keep quiet. Also there are somethings he won’t be able to keep up with like he used to do and this also applys to women too. Every body is selfish to a little extent when it comes to relationship so you don’t need to nag about everything the other person is not doing,.If it’s not something you can change,then you deal with it. God bless you marriage Adenike and ur friend’s too.

    • uh-huh

      August 12, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      God bless u for this “….try to spend the first few years together with the partner ,not all those long distance marriage……” i mean seriously? my two sisters married their husbands all long distance, my younger sister also have a guy who wants to marry her, also long distance. Lord knows am different, i am not for that at all, i like to know who am dealing with, what makes u tick, and u can learn mine too. a family friend and his family stopped calling/texting me cus he revealed his intention to me abt wanting to marry me, thinking that i’ll say “YES” immediately, i told him my opinion abt long distance relationship and stuff, he fought it (hung up on me, telling me he love me and stuff), i told him and his twin brother that i dont roll like that, so he stop calling (a blessing in disguise, though i miss his friendship). Anyways my point being when u spend time with the person u’ll know the kinda person he/she is.

    • Christy Love

      August 17, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      I agree with you.
      You never truly know anybody until you live together 24/7.
      Every spouse should have a shock absorber 🙂
      Just as every job comes with his shock and risk, so does marriage.

  2. A guy's perpective

    August 12, 2013 at 11:24 am

    Yh marriage shock do exist and it goes both ways. During the courtship stage of my relationship, my wife used to be sexier. I mean she acts and play roles that makes me more endeared to her. She used to role up in back and also gave me soothing massage and I also reciprocated these gesture with my romantic moves. But now she has become less sexier by her act and moves. But inspite of that, we now connect on a higher a higher level. Every time she comes back from work I never forgot to ask her “obimo kedu ka afia si were ga” and we spent time analyzing the tribulations and retributions of what went on during our various office hours. My wife and I both welcomed the evolving xter. When we look back, we laugh and make jokes about it and in turn embrace our new found connecting level, as their would be a time we shall also look back to this inertia. I will advised anyone going into marriage to brace yourself of change cos it is inevitable but not necessarily a bad omen of change in xter.
    Isi akwukwo 1 of orlu write from Potiskum

  3. Doris

    August 12, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Nawa oh….sumtyms I get scared of marriage,dunno y maybe cos of d way pple talk abt it most especially parents,dey mk it sound so difficult. Is it?

  4. ebony

    August 12, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Marriage shocks do exist ooo, thats why most marriage counselors warn intending couple(ladies especially) to see marriage as plenty responsibility and not a place of escape.. I slept in my fiance house for the first time this past holiday and I was surprised at his eating habits.. I almost threw up when he talked to me with a mouth full of bread and fried eggs(eewww!!!) I sat there wondering where my sophisticated man evaporated to.. and the command nkor, baby give me water, baby give me pillow.. baby more soup.. shu! i tire ooo..lolz.. but am prepared cos i know that there are still many more shocks to come. my own sef dey there so no lele..lolz..

    • Fashionista

      August 12, 2013 at 1:12 pm

      Lool! love your outlook. Someone once said to me, when I was complaining about something hubby did – “quickly dust off the current insult oh, cos more is coming” . She was very right indeed!

    • Lizzy

      August 12, 2013 at 2:55 pm

      i hope we are not sharing the same fiance o! And the snoring…..

    • Tammy

      August 12, 2013 at 11:20 pm

      Very interesting topic….. My story is sort of similar
      here. We dated for about 4 years before he proposed. The last year
      and half was long distance. During this year and half we saw
      frequently, one week here, weekend there, major holidays 2 weeks,
      and we would stay together. We were finally in the same city about
      a month before we got married, and moved in after we got married.
      Even though we tried to spend as much time together, there were
      still marriage shocks. It’s certainly not the same. Living together
      is a totally different ball game. For me, the most annoying and
      frustrating was his eating habit. He would wake up in the morning
      and say he wants to drink soup. Not chicken and mushroom soup o,
      ogbono soup. Cereal booboo, no way. At night, he’ll say he just
      wants to eat fish in stew or he wants cereal. I usually leave for
      work before him, on some days when I get back home, all the meat in
      the soup is gone. I would call my mom screaming for help. We have a
      help that comes to help, the poor girl has her oga and madam
      yelling at her at different times because of this… Thank God for
      patience and wisdom. At keast we have learnt to deal with issues
      amicably. He definitely has things he complains about
      too…….story for another day.

    • Iphie

      August 21, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      Tammy you finished me to day! I have laughed so hard I have a headache.

    • Grace E

      October 24, 2013 at 2:58 am

      LMAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH alll the meat in the soup finish? *sigh* you’ve killed me

  5. chat

    August 12, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    It really exist, after getting married my hussy is a total stranger.

  6. Bunmi

    August 12, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    @ doris, you dont need to be scared cos its indeed a wonderful experience if founded on a Godly foundation. That been said, i wouldnt call mine a marriage shock per se, cos b4 i got married i used to spend weekends with my fiance (now husband) and he seldome comes to the kitchen while am busy cooking, infacts he lays on the coach and watches football and i served him hapilly, but when i got married to him i sometimes feel like a maid when serving him his meals and he lays on the coach as usual. But av come to realise that nagging will only worsen the situation. The solution is to commune with the holyspirit about it which brings us back to the Godly foundation earlier mentioned. You ll be surprised at the kind of things wives pray about, but it sure works.

    • Jamce

      August 13, 2013 at 12:39 am

      @ Bunmi, na wa for you o. When you were not yet married, he was watching football while you were cooking in the kitchen and you were serving his meals happily. Now that you are married, what has changed that now makes you feel like a maid. Mscheeeeew. Are you confused as to what you really want from the man? Wetin communion with Holy Spirit go do for you now? To change him from watching the football while you cook or to change you from feeling like a maid? Abi U tink say Holy Spirit na genie wey go do your selfish wish?

    • Oyinade

      August 14, 2013 at 1:48 pm

      I think you’re getting her wrong. It happens to a lot of married women. When you get married and you start doing all the household chores, sometimes, you can’t help but feel like a maid. Secondly, regarding the Holy Spirit, it’s not a selfish wish. I believe she might be praying to God to help her perform her wifely duties without nagging and praying for the husband to help out, once in a while. It’s not a bad thing and believe me, God answers such prayers.

  7. Vanessa

    August 12, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Marriage is still shocking me till today.

    • bukolazzzz

      August 12, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      i also experienced some bloody marriage shocker though i cautioned my husband about it , he was so shocked wen i analysed how much he has changed in recent time, he just stopped being the caring man that i married, i told him i no longer enjoy the marriage and that i might back out if he continues being too needy , i made him realize that i am NOT his house-girl, n dt he is a man , WHILE AM d weaker one here, n dt he shouldnt kill me 4 my parents i beg, aand that i dnt want to age too quickly. he has changed though

  8. ayomipo

    August 12, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    Marriage shock exist well well. To me I dnt think marriage is necessary, it’s to much stress, too much compromise, too much sacrifice, the burden is too much on the woman&when couples have financial crisis, it’s a corner of hell. No matter how sweet the man is, when you marry he becomes authoritative coupled with pressure from work. People should just view marriage as an employee employer relationship in which you can hate your boss &stay at the work because of the money or stay at the work because you boss is nice. Wahala marriage ti poju. So that is why people cheat in marriages, to fill in for what they are losing in marriage. Isn’t it sad

    • Msunderstood

      August 13, 2013 at 4:54 am

      Wow, I honestly can’t believe all u ve said. Been married for 6 years n I still can’t believe it, it feels like one year. Marriage is sweet o, if I hear. Pls, it shldnt be endured. Find what you fell in love with in him. Life is too short to be unhappy in ur marriage.

    • Msunderstood

      August 13, 2013 at 5:13 am

      Wow, I can’t believe what u ve said up here. Marriage shouldn’t be endured. Life is too short for that. I ve been married for 6 years n it feels like one year, it can be good, great sef. Work on what u fell in love with in him, talk to him. Please do something, don’t just sit n plan to live in wahala forever o, not cool

    • Deedee

      September 14, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      I agree with you. If I can turn back the hand of time, I will have remain single.

  9. Purpleberry

    August 12, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    yup, it does exist! I experienced it a few weeks after I got married and i was like W-H-A-T?!
    I am still trying to get the hang of running things by him. Most times, i make decisions on my own innocently but he makes such a big do about it….he keeps reminding me i am not single anymore. To be honest I pray I get the hang of it real quick because it blows up into some unnecessary arguments most times.

  10. theeto

    August 12, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    @ ebony.. jeez u just made my day with ur comment.

  11. mII

    August 12, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    lmao @ ebony ‘I sat there wondering where my sophisticated man evaporated to.. and the command nkor, baby give me water, baby give me pillow.. baby more soup…
    i believe its beta u knw nd spend alot of time wif ur fiancee,indoor and outdoor aswell, even nw my mum still complains of d way my dad uses toothpick in public, d way she describes eehh so hilarious, marriage shock is inevitable ooo…

  12. Naveah

    August 12, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Marriage shock exists well well o but some of us cause the shock for ourselves, for example, marriage shock will NOT exist for some people if they kept their eyes open during the dating period instead of being blinded by love and counting the minutes until dude pops the question. I mean, for the young lady shocked that her guy was talking to her with a mouth full of bread and fried eggs, I am sure they’ve gone out to dinner many times, they’ve eaten at home together, I cannot believe that in all that time dude was such a great actor as to keep that in hiding especially if he doesn’t see it as a horrible deal breaker. Or like the young lady saying that her man is ordering her to bring more water, soup etc. The man was probably doing that before but she ignored it, watch how a man talks to the driver, the maid, the server at the restaurant etc and stop thinking oh it’s just them that he talking to like that because they are in subservient positions, if that is his way, it will come home with him so marriage shock electrify your body when he does it to you meanwhile you had seen it before before.

    Marriage shock will not exist if people walk into a marriage knowing that they have to leave the “me, me, me” attitude at the door and realize that what flies when you are single or when you are live in separate households while dating will not work when you move in together. Tejumade may receive phone calls from male friends at 11pm but when you get married, what message is she sending out answering phone calls from male friends that late at night when she should be in bed laying the day to rest and catching up with one another? Maybe, I am old fashioned but that is disrespectful. No man should be calling a married woman that late at night unless that is your father, brother, cousin, uncle or boss with an work emergency and even then they should not make it a habit.

    Relationships morph and change, you have to go with the flow. Some of us have remove our heads from the Mills & Boon romantic novels in place our marriages and relationships in the real world.

    • Nike Copyright

      August 12, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      GBAM. I once had issues with an ex because of this attitude of talking to people he thought were beneath him any how. I cautioned him about it and he didn’t see the big deal about it. Guess what, he had the audacity to talk to my dad one day like that and I gave it to him right there and there and the relationship was done. Yes my parents don’t have as much money as his, but they are my family nevertheless. If you have no regard for the man you are coming to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage, what will you do to the daughter herself when she becomes wife. You are very very correct. Women see all these things and choose to ignore.
      The case of bread and eggs really surprised me too. Something as basic as table manners you didn’t notice before. Your fiance deserves and Oscar then if he had been good at hiding it and only let go when he knows you are no longer going anywhere. My mum says marriage is an opportunity to continually improve yourself. Never stop trying to be the best version of yourself for your partner. I was at my colleagues wedding last week and part of their vows were, I have been a better person since I met you, and I vow to continue to be that person that you fell in love it and is worthy of your love. I actually cried when I heard that. That better version of yourself should be a work in progress not something only reserved for courtship.
      Marriage should not make you relax, but the problem is that many of us fake it to get it, so when the rings come (applies to both male and females) they feel there is no need to try anymore, and when the less best sides of each person starts to show up in marraige cracks start to appear and it is from there cases of infidelity start to show up. Oh she used be so sexy and this and that, he doesn’t get it anymore he looks outside. Oh he used to be so caring and attentive, and bla bla bla, the minute some other man starts to show you the better version of your husband, cheating starts. Whether emotional affairs or physical, cheating is cheating.
      Marriage shocks will definitely happen, yes you can not truly know anyone until you live with them, but if you hear what many people call shocks you will wonder whether it was their alter ego that had been dating the man or woman all these while.

    • Oyinade

      August 14, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      I think you guys are wrong. Believe there are some very simple things you won’t know about your spouse, until you marry. IT IS INEVITABLE.

    • minimisingmarriageshock

      August 12, 2013 at 4:13 pm

      “……..marriage shock will NOT exist for some people if they kept their eyes open during the dating period instead of being blinded by love and counting the minutes until dude pops the question.”

      “………..Watch how a man talks to the driver, the maid, the server at the restaurant etc and stop thinking oh it’s just them that he talking to like that because they are in subservient positions, if that is his way, it will come home with him”

      You couldnt have said it better. A guy I am considering is exactly like that and this attitude has put a break on any thoughts I have about marrying him. I called him up on it and he had the nerve to tell me everyone has a price, he has paid them for whatever service they are offering so he can talk to them anyhow or command them as he wishes. He said to leave my manners and politenes on the plane as soon as I get to MMA. (I’ve been living in england for the last 11 years but come to naija every now and then) Shuo! I blinked twice and couldn’t believe my ears. Na hin be say the probability I go hear the same thing if I marry him dey very high. I met some of his colleagues and they couldn’t believe the way I was relating with him. I mean the other day we all went out and he bought a few things and he carried them. One of his colleagues turned to me and was like “ah, how can so and so be carrying the shopping bag”. I looked at him and was like so?

      Admitted dude is an oga in his workplace with shit loads of money but like my dear mama will say “nkan ti mo ni gba ni olowo, talika ni ma ti kor” what the heck! not that BN readers fluent in translation pls help translate to english.

    • Nike Copyright

      August 12, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      Lol, I know where you are coming from. My dad was a huge case of crossing the line and it showed me my future in an instant. That statement means what I will not accept as a rich person, it is now that I am a poor person that i will start rejecting it. Not being a soothsayer but you too will come at a price that he paid for. So he can talk to you how he wishes. He is keeping it at bay now because he downs’t “own” you yet.

    • minimisingmarriageshock

      August 12, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      Should read “BN readers fluent in Yoruba – English translation pls help translate to English.

    • Mariaah

      August 13, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      Translation of “nkan ti mo ni gba ni olowo, talika ni ma ti kor” “Something (a character) I have when I am rich it is when I am poor I would learn it” and I agree, your mama is a wise woman 🙂

    • Jamce

      August 13, 2013 at 12:47 am

      @ Naveah.

  13. naana

    August 12, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    better to get used to it. mine has this bad eating habit and the best thing i can do is to wipe his mouth when he eats.

    • ebony

      August 12, 2013 at 3:41 pm

      this is real funny…

  14. IB.

    August 12, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    beautiful comments all of you..god bless us all Amen.

  15. anonymous babe

    August 12, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    I’ve been married 6months,no marriage shock yet.Though I feel awkward serving my husband food sometimes cos I’m a year older,lol. But all in all,he still acts and treats me exactly the way he did while we were dating.Maybe because we where friends for years before we started dating,maybe cos God knows I can’t handle too many shocks,hahahahaha!I thank God sha

    • iba

      August 12, 2013 at 8:05 pm

      Hey why should you feel awkward serving him food or doing any other household chores for him because you are older. Never ever bring that leg in. Whether age or not he is FIRST YOUR HUSBAND before anything else. For the average Nigerian man to marry a slightly older woman and not make a fuss about it or even see it as an issue, then that man is gold. My husband is older than me with some months, for the first year or so of my marriage i was the main bread winner. I ignored all of this and still treated him FIRST AS MY HUSBAND. God bless your home and indeed all our homes…

    • nneka

      August 25, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      Wait for it…

  16. Wale

    August 12, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    I am more interested in the advice she received from her aunt about marriage. Please share…thx.

  17. bh

    August 12, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    There is relationship shock aw much more marriage.

  18. Elsa

    August 12, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    The shocks keep coming……………… even after 8 years of marriage!

  19. i no send

    August 12, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    …i had plenty shocks o..but i believe this writeup will help fairy tale ladies to wake up and understand that marriage and courtship are two different situations and thus should prepare themselves esp. spiritually cos you will need grace ..lots of grace or else the marriage will end pretty quickly as we have been seeing lately

  20. Chic

    August 12, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Lol @the bread and egg story! I stopped talking to a guy who ate with his mouth open and made smacking sounds up until that first and last dinner date I had only had phone conversations with him after I met him at a work meeting. I just couldn’t look past his table manners it bothered me so much I just couldn’t

  21. T.baby

    August 12, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    i dnt even know where to start from, been engaged for six month and its so annoying already. how will marriage be? in my mind already i’m thinking… seriously this cant work? i must run evrytin by you, must make sure evry body knws i’m nt single again, cant use this, can use that, evry body can not have access to you any how you are now my wife, OMDayssssssssss. Lord Please.

  22. Juanmy

    August 12, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    When I and my fiance (now husband) use to date, he kept on telling me about how he doesnt like people disgracing him in public and how he finds it disgusting when people fart in the presence of their spouse or lover. I said okay am not like that at all. Fast forward, three years later the same fart he was preaching to me about he does it anyhow in front of me even when we are eating, and when we are in bed. When I complained and reminded him about how he was so overly particular about some attitudes, he told me don’t I know he is a man and he has to let out steam sometimes. lol

    • oyin

      August 12, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      laughing out of my chair at this comment… hahaha

    • Naveah

      August 12, 2013 at 7:51 pm

      LLLLLLLLOL My own asked me before hand how I felt about fart, I told him that I think it is just natural and as long as he doesn’t “dutch oven” me (meaning farting under the blanket and covering my head under), we will be fine. Oh do I ever regret it because now bobo go just dey play trombone every where for house. Thank God at least he doesn’t do it at the dinner table or when we have company. I no fit tok sef because he reminds me that I said it was naturalllllllllll LWKM But I tell ya that is the worst from my hubby so I no dey complain o I just keep airfresher on hand LLLLLLLLLMBO!!!!

    • Nawa

      August 13, 2013 at 3:00 am

      LMAO… Umua ga egbukwa mmadu! You don finish your sweetie.

    • fucking pissed

      August 27, 2013 at 10:19 am

      lol at the farting thing. dutch oven. omg!

    • martin

      September 7, 2013 at 1:57 pm

      kikikikikakakakakahahahahahhehehehehehe…chai, i don die! let out steam ehn? ROTFLMHAO

  23. Bumy24

    August 12, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    Hmmmmm, well I agree marriage comes with shockers, on BOTH sides! Men too can write epistles on how we women change.
    The most important thing I have learnt in marriage is ‘pick your battles wisely’ and ‘ don’t sweat the small stuff’
    That being said, plssssss ladies, stop being unrealistic and expecting perfection!

    • #JustWondering

      August 13, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      Right on!

  24. dami

    August 12, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    @Doris we’re in the same shoes. Everytime my mum mentions marriage to me my heart goes on a trip. ….sometimes scared is an understatement. … lol @ the lady that wipes her bfs mouth. Lmao

  25. uh-huh

    August 12, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    @Hmmm thanks for this “…try to spend the first few years together with the partner ,not all those long distance marriage….” the long distance relationship thing is what i don’t understand. my two sisters married their husbands all long distance, my younger sister’s relationship is also long distance. me personally am not up for that (maybe that’s why am still single). A family friend and his family stopped calling/texting me just cus i told him my mind abt long distance. am the type of person who likes experiments (which is how i see relationships), i like the whole lovey dovey, hanging out, talking, knowing what makes both parties tick, fighting, making up, sex (maybe) and the whole shibang before moving to the next level. when my sister wanted to marry her husband, shes on the phone 24/7!!!! i’ll yell at her, call her names and stuff cus its annoying. i believe in him coming to the house, picking her up, and take her out, talk on the phone thats ok, but not all day, u cant talk to her or ask her anything cus she’s always on the phone. after they got married, she calls me and will be complaining abt her husband, am always sarcastic with my reply’s, she hates telling me stuff when it come to her marriage, but it always slips out. not that i dont respect my brother in law, but i wont say that marrying someone just because u got ur head full of love is not nice, but afterwards u begin to realize what annoys u abt the person, and u find out that u cant do nothing abt it, u then have to suck it up and deal with it, u’ll finally get used to it in the long run.

  26. AW

    August 12, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    My own two cents; go in without any huge expectations so that when things don’t work according to how you personally want them, you are not overly disappointed. Then when they do work out, you are pleasantly surprised and grateful. This attitude has been my shock absorber for the past 13 yrs and another thing, COMMUNICATE! You cannot keep quiet about something you cannot absolutely tolerate, then complain about it a few years down the line, in laws and neighbours will label you a trouble maker. Speak up!

    • smike

      August 12, 2013 at 6:44 pm

      My dear, I opened my eyes well well before I married my guy o. I received my biggest shock when one day he mentioned something about me calling his 12year old sister ‘sister x’
      I looked and asked if he was joking. He said no. I said me I cannot o.
      He started saying I’m proud and all I just shook my head and started reading a book

    • Fashionista

      August 13, 2013 at 9:28 am

      WTF???????????????? Smike, infact you’re lying jor, I cant believe you! You should call his TWELVE year old sister – Sister something. He will sleep and wake up a million times and that shit still wont happen, schewzzzzzzzzz. The nerve of some husbands!

    • ebony

      August 13, 2013 at 11:25 am

      babe!! if the guy na yoruba, forget am ooo! u go call am sister. but i feel he didnt have to point that out to you naa,haba! now that i remember, my uncle’s wives never called me by name wen i was still young, it was always Sisi Ebun.. u can try that.. and for peace to reign, even if na mummy he want make u call hin sister, call her mummy. it wont remove the tiniest hair from ur body.

    • OT

      September 12, 2013 at 12:05 am

      EXACTLY!!!

  27. favoured girl

    August 12, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    I guess I’m still at the honeymion phase a year later cus nothing is so shocking yet! Still loving my boo of life lool

  28. neon

    August 12, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    4 years on and still getting shocks…..

  29. iba

    August 12, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    Well i got one or two shockers as student lovers then, this bobo would not let me touch anything. plate, cooking anything. trust me i am not the typical girlfriend who sweeps and washes cloths. mbanu but hey ho i can make noodles and cook the meal we are about to eat. However he would never let me do any of that. ok God bless this boo not forgetting he was a fantastic cook as well.

    Fast forward to marriage, men this guy nor dey enter kitchen even help me turn soup. Where did all those love of those days go? I mean i nor send you message cook food but i go to work, come back sooooooooooo late, i have already cooked soup in the fridge, you cant make common eba and microwave the egusi soup? I come back with sooooooooooo much on my head, i can eat a piece of bread and chocolate and drown it with tea but no i enter kitchen and start doing all he could have very easily done hours ago. #NOTFAIR
    Nah we had a long hard talk about it, he is not there yet but making baby steps. We thank God i cant complain too much. A very good man my boo.

  30. chicadimples

    August 12, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    Lol @ d comments, u guys rock!

  31. Teekay

    August 12, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Been married four years and trust me when I say there will be shockers.,not necessarily because the man is a bad person but mostly because most of us females go into marriages with fariytale expectations and treating it like some magic wand.Mine started right after our honeymoon…but honestly,it has gotten better with each year cos I decided to wake up and get realistic..While you do not necessarily short change yourself on values you hold true,some things you’re definitely going to learn to live with..Marriage is no fairytale,,it’s a lot of work but it should be happy nonetheless..

  32. Ekuche Jaiye Ekuche

    August 12, 2013 at 9:13 pm

    Nice article, and believe you me, men also experience these ‘marriage shocks” as well, though we are better built to handle to sudden changes than most women. I and my wife met each other many years ago, and kept a long distance relationship via Skype, as I was in Nigeria and she was in the US. She moved back to Nigeria, we got married on a hot November afternoon, and thats when the ceiling fell in. The changes were more drastic than MTN’s fall from glory:

    1. I discovered she was not a neat and tidy as she has portrayed before the wedding. She would come back from work, and start taking off and throwing her clothes all over the floor. Her blouse would land on the dining table, one foot of her shoe would be on the couch (dirt on the soles and all), the other leg would land on the kitchen stove. I am not OCD-prone, but surely she should hang up her clothes in the closet rather than make our apartment look like Yaba bend-down.

    2. She stopped wearing good nighties to sleep. Before marriage, she used to sport some nice silky sleep gear that had my abunna doing Samaja salute for days. After marriage, hair-net and Igbo wrapper became her companion. Even her underwwear changed. She had those big super pants that look like something Hulk Hogan or Dick Tiger would wear. They were straight out of Bridget Jone’s diary.

    3. She became stuck up and rude. Every little conversation would lead to an arguement, and the whole neighbours in the yard knew our life story. I tried to keep calm and talk to her without raising my voice, but when she was angry, she turned into a raging banshee, and it didnt help that her voice was louder than an announcer at an owambe party.

    I will stop here..

    • Bibi

      August 12, 2013 at 9:25 pm

      ROTFLMAO. You are making it up joor. You just want to make us laugh. Haba shoe on top stove. Is your kitchen in your bedroom or living room. LMAO. Continue abeg. I have had a bad day, i almost started crying. My tears have disappeared sharply. Lol

    • Gorgeous

      August 12, 2013 at 9:59 pm

      ROTFLMAO!!! Women do change as well. I am a woman and i even know this. I know people that gained so much weight after marriage and stopped taking care of themselves. SMH

    • intheoverseas

      August 12, 2013 at 11:39 pm

      Hahahaha!!! This was sooo funny! “Big super pant”

    • Nawa

      August 13, 2013 at 3:13 am

      “She had those big super pants that look like something Hulk Hogan or Dick Tiger would wear.” LWKMD… Anwuolam na ochi. U don finish your Mississi.

    • I Rock

      August 13, 2013 at 3:39 am

      Bwahahahaha. I looove the way you write…so funny. I’ve never been to Yaba but this got me cracking up hard… “I am not OCD-prone, but surely she should hang up her clothes in the closet rather than make our apartment look like Yaba bend-down”.

      And then you hit me with this…”She had those big super pants that look like something Hulk Hogan or Dick Tiger would wear. They were straight out of Bridget Jone’s diary”.

      But this literally got me off the bed laughing… “it didnt help that her voice was louder than an announcer at an owambe party”. No offense to your wife but you two need to have a deep conversation.

    • Fashionista

      August 13, 2013 at 9:38 am

      LMAOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Ekuche I feel you, no vex for am. I know we women too sometimes our own changes have super powers. But damn are you funny!

    • jinkelele

      August 14, 2013 at 1:18 pm

      I can so relate to number 1 cos that describes my female relative – obviously when she got married it was a shock for husband

    • bell dama

      August 15, 2013 at 5:28 pm

      looooooooooooooooollll! gangster imageries……
      the whole marriage talk + what my mum faced in her’s scares the hell outta me….God help us all….

    • Iphie

      August 21, 2013 at 1:42 pm

      You cracked me up big time!

    • fucking pissed

      August 27, 2013 at 10:07 am

      my friends should read this. i have a friend who when she angry she thinks she is allowed to kill. i have told her over and over again that she needs to change this but she doesnt want to hear. and her voice omg. it should be as loud as trumpet of God. and all she would say is thats how my voice is. my sister too is like that and thats her excuse too. thats how my voice is. me i just pity them. i always thank God for giving me the ability to curtail my anger. i also have a friend who ties wrapper all day long. lol

    • nene

      September 13, 2013 at 2:47 pm

      lol @shoe on stove and igbo wrapper

    • Tosin

      February 5, 2014 at 9:19 pm

      honest tho’ I’m the type that would tie the housegirlish wrapper and wear the WWF pants sha, after doing Africa Magic for a few weeks to show my romantic side small, back to real life. And don’t let me get pregnant 🙂 I’ll just sit in one place pointing at this and asking for all kinds of exotic foods. What can I say? Don’t choose me 🙂

  33. Toks

    August 13, 2013 at 8:41 am

    I just had to comment, Ekuche you’re so crazy!!!

  34. Amaha soundcloud.amahaonline.com

    August 13, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Until they start training men that are WORTHY of being submitted to in Nigerian households across the board and not training women to suppress or fake who they are for the almighty medal of “wife” there will continue to be deeply sad, plastered over, CHASMS oh, not cracks in the foundation that is the Nigerian Family. Until some form of accountability becomes an intrinsic part of our modus operandi (OMG I just sounded like Patrick Obahiagbon hahahahaa) nothing will ever change. Please sit down with yourself, understand what/who you are and what you want out of marriage then act accordingly. Like draws like & the 2 people in the relationship + what kind of foundation they lay/what is at their centre (aka GOD, duh!) are what matters.

  35. ebby

    August 13, 2013 at 10:52 am

    all these comments are so hilarious. cant wait to start experiencing mine. i wanna get married fasttttt. looooooooooooolllllllll

    • Oyinade

      August 14, 2013 at 2:11 pm

      My dear, just relax. Believe me, you will be glad you did, after you get married.

  36. Adenike O. Adewuyi

    August 13, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Thanks everyone for the comments. I laughed really hard all through and even had tears in my eyes at some point.

    X

  37. jcsgrl

    August 13, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Jesus take the wheel. I tried to muffle my laughter for this quiet office at Ekuche’s comment but I no fit. Had to let it out to the sounds of colleagues asking if I was ok. I say na pepper in my egg dey do me. Abi I should tell them I’m on Bellanaija? Mbanu. Chei!

  38. jcsgrl

    August 13, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Ehen back to the articles. I had super shocks and I opened my eye well well o, prayed and everything and was still shocked. Contrary to what some people said that the men show tendencies before marriage, in my case there was none o. I was a social butterfly when he met me and he was introverted. I will take him to functions and such. Fast-forward first year of marriage, bobo said a married woman should not be galavanting every weekend. That I should be staying home more often. Na wa o! The scales fell from my eyes! I reported him to our Pastor. He said anytime someone invites me for something, I should tell the person hold on let me get permission from my husband. I started repeating that statement in the presence of igwe mmadu whenever friends asked me out. He got soo embarrassed cos ppl were looking at him like really. After fighting and fighting, I guess he finally let me be. I don’t go out as much but we don’t fight as much. It is actually sweeter now.
    I still get shocks once in a while 5 years into it…

  39. Ayo

    August 13, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Mine was not even a “behavioral” shock o, mine was super duper very hurtful just few months into marriage hubby is carrying on with some babe! I NEVER SAW IT COMING. he was the typical church dude, let me explain carrying on:writing love notes and poems to this babe, very deep sentimental stuff about how he wished he had asked her out. I confronted him guess what he said- that he has some ‘connection to this girl and he feels there is something they were meant to do together. He is so obsessed with her he checks her facebook page, twitter etc everyday! this is weeks later, am still reeling from the shock of such a deep emotional affair, that is sure to blossom into a physical one (if it already hasnt, at least he denies anything physical has happened) i swear, i never saw this coming. wish i had known, i for run for my life, here i am loving someone who is still hung up on another. he never mentioned her all the while we dated and it wasnt long distance dating o#so sad#

    • Nike Copyright

      August 13, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      First of all, I would like to hug you. You are going through what some people in years have never gone through. Confronting him only pushes him into the other woman’s hand. Just ask him what the connection is gan gan. If he is able to write out poems to her, he should be elcouent to tell you either with words or in writing why he cannot connect with you. Never ever, ever think that it is your fault. Never curse him, never abuse him, never make the house so uncomfortable for him that he doesn’t want to come home to face your wrath. You will only push him away. No i dont condone infidelity but in a case such as yours you need to find the reason why so you can decide if your marraige is worth fighting for or if it is time to call it quits. You can’t make a man love you if he doesn’t want to. Watching Scandal really brings it home for me TV show or not. Yes your marriage should be fought by both parties but there are times in a marriage where one is weak and the other is strong and the strong party has to pull the other one up and bring them back into focus. If it doesn’t work then you have to accept that you have lost your husband and if you want to stay don’t have any illusions about that marriage at all. You are hurting, he is already cheating whether he has slept with her or not, you are dealing with a cheating spouse. What steps you take from henceforth will determine if your husband will come back to you or not. Never absolve him of all guilt before some people will come and be saying ehn he should have upheld his own vows, one thing one thing. Medicine after death. It has already happened, what do you now do with the situation. Before you seek guidance, make sure it is not from people who already cheat or are victims of cheating spouses because they will say you should take it like that. Do not take it like that, and let him know you are not accepting it. Both of you need to seriously talk before you drive yourself crazy with misery. My two cents. I wish you strength.

    • slice

      August 14, 2013 at 3:42 am

      Well said

    • Nene Leakes

      August 13, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY EVERYDAY. God will undo whatever attraction or obsession he has over her.

    • Nene Leakes

      August 13, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      LOL at all the comments. This is such a nice topic. The main thing is that people get comfortable in their marriages. I’m female and I’ve been married for a year and about and the first thing my husband complained about was my ‘freedom mentality’. Freedom in the sense of farting, belching and changing or walking around naked in front of him. LOLZ. The funny thing is that I was a ‘babe’ when we started dating so it much have dazed the life out of him. he spoke to me about it and I’ve since change. I now excuse myself whenever I need to handle business.
      The shock I experienced on his side was that he really really didn’t care about deodorant. he said he liked neutral odour (At that time I thought he was just being an ‘earthy’ guy), He would wear the same shirt two or three times in a row, he didn’t care whether there were holes in his shirt, he didn’t care about ironing his shirt, he kept malice whenever I said I was too tired or wasn’t in the mood for sex. Like dude will give me attitude for days. When I figured it out we had a long talk about it. Let’s just say we are in a good place today and have both changed.
      The great thing is that the things we fell in love with about each other initially are still intact. My husband still helps me out with house chores and sometimes in the kitchen (he feels bad every time he sees me working hard at home), He still pampers me, the sex is even more awesome, we do the whole candle light thing in the bedroom, we dress up and role play. TMI. And most importantly, we pray hard and act like teenagers in love.
      In my opinion, the shock is necessary for both parties to understand each other. I don’t care how long you date someone for, long distance or short distance, you cannot fully know someone well until you guys get married and start leaving together.
      God wants us to have wonderful marriages filled with love,laughter, happiness, peace and great sex. As a wife, GET YOURSELF INTO PRAYER MODE. It’s not until I got married I realized just how important my prayers and how they have kept me sane and my husband in check. Satan isn’t happy you’ve found love so he will do every thing to spoil your marriage starting with things as simple as all the shocks most people have listed.

    • Nene Leakes

      August 13, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      Sorry about the grammatical errors:
      * it must have dazed….
      * He spoke to me about it and I’ve since changed.

    • ebony

      August 14, 2013 at 3:32 pm

      if only sisters would have each others back.. i kinda blame the other girl for encouraging him and pls, be a good woman too. could be there is something you are doing thats pushing him away.. be nice, caring, loving,prayerful, infact be what the bible says love shld be and see God in action..for us single ladies, pls lets note that a church going dude is not necessarily a God fearing christian..

  40. nekky

    August 13, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    hmmmm, things happen!

  41. nekky

    August 13, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Mine shocker : months into marriage, hubby was writing love poems and notes to another woman, always checking her facebook and twitter pages, practically stalking her.He was so obsessed with her I confronted him and he dares to admit he feels “has some connection with her” !!!!it is so hurting and i never saw this coming, at all

  42. jelly

    August 13, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    now all these commentaries crack me up and some kinda sad 🙂

  43. fade

    August 13, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    This is really interesting, I’ve learnt a great deal from the comments aside enjoying every bit of it, there are always signs of what you would see in a marriage before you eventually do, though I’m still single, I just got out of a relationship of 2 years, within that period, we lived a great deal together and I saw almost all I needed to see; he loved late night outings with d guys, smoking, wants to know even when I breathe, it was too much to bear, though very caring and sweet, staying with his family sef, I noticed they don’t treat d less privileged very well, since I know I wouldn’t cope with such for d rest of my life, I took a bow, better a broken relationship than marriage.

  44. naana

    August 13, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    me too jelly, am so saaad.
    take heart darling and take each step with patience and forgiveness.
    not forgetting u are a virtous woman, be wise about your decisions.

  45. Liz

    August 14, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    Best BN post yet!!!

  46. JUMMIE

    August 15, 2013 at 11:36 am

    lol,let out steam through farting.good piece,am really learning oh.Marriage kwa,people change oh,i was in a sweet relationship and before i know it,we had issues concerning our genotype and sweet boyfriend ran to his parents who made decisions for him,that opened my eyes to a lot of things i had overlooked in the relationship.

  47. JUMMIE

    August 15, 2013 at 11:42 am

    my dear,na wisdom oh,my friend calls her younger inlaws,my small husband,chief,our dr,sisi like someone said although her husband does not really but her inlaws care oh

  48. Pulcher

    August 15, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Waow!!!
    you all are making me scared…
    If marriage is this difficult, Why marry?

  49. June

    August 17, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    @pulcher you have said it all. Why marry?

  50. Christy Love

    August 17, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    Love all the comments here!
    No pretense whatsoever.
    Laughed at many comments though.
    Marriage has it’s sweet and sour moments, simply make the best out of it, if you can.

  51. Christy Love

    August 17, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    My shock was the cultural one as the lady who complained the husband asked her to call his 12 years old sister x. Mine wanted me to call his younger brother that i am 11 years older than brother x. I refused! I rather didn’t speak or call him at all! Now they are used to their names after over a decade of marriage! 🙂

  52. Sophie

    August 28, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Abi o. Why marry at all?? with all these headache? Well i have learnt a whole lot from this article and comments and i have never nurtured any fantasy about marriage. I see marriage for what it is. HARD WORK!!! Im a pretty non chalant person coz i hate stressing or worrying myself about anything so marriage shock won’t shock me. Ive got a thick skin.

  53. Chy

    August 31, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    are there no men in this forum, or is mariage only for women, surely, they must have some marriage shocks too!

  54. Bee

    September 14, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    I know my husband to be a quiet person, but 6 months after we got married, he stopped talking about (our moving forward) his contract, his finances and all the important things a wife should know. When we argue, he want the situation to just go away without discussing it. If I can turn back the hand of time, I’ll rather be single than be married and suffer all this emotional distress.

    • Tosin

      February 5, 2014 at 9:25 pm

      awww, so sorry. wish you had known this before. feeling your pain.
      men and women are often realllllly different.

  55. thelma

    September 24, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Laf wan kill me oooo!!! Lol der are shockers in marriage oh! Mine was finding out he wasnt as domestic as he portrayed when we were dating,u know… like helping round the hse, and dat made me feel very overwhelmed I lost interest in sex,but I got over it

  56. classyd

    September 26, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    rily ad a wonderful tym readn thru d comments….Marraige is def gona be interesting wif Gods help+patience……..anoda phase of life though

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