Connect with us

Features

Toolz’ Thoughts: The Accidental Side Chic

Published

 on

I took a well-deserved break in September, and it gave me a great opportunity to catch up with old friends whilst I was in London. Four of us met up at one of our favourite spots and soon hit the interesting ‘Who’s dating who?’ topic. Tomi is happily married and is expecting her first child; Amaka had put herself on a ‘man-fast’ after deciding that she’s been unfortunately dating from the barrel of and I quote: ‘the most useless entities’ on this planet. Mary didn’t give a definitive answer – she eventually mumbled uncomfortably ‘I guess I’m still single’ under her breath and went very quiet. We didn’t grill her about it, but I eventually got the story a few days later.

Mary met Seun about a year ago when he started working in the same department she worked in. They were both Nigerian, and the youngest people in the department so naturally clicked. Lunch at work together soon turned into brunch, and hanging out on the weekends. At this point Mary was trying to get over a relationship that had ended due to long-distance, so the friendship with Seun was a welcomed distraction.

Mary found out that Seun was married (not happily though) with a 4 year old son. He had moved out of the home he shared with his wife, and was in the process of getting a divorce. According to Seun, he felt they had rushed into things and hadn’t thoroughly thought through their different backgrounds – He’s Nigerian and his wife is from Barbados. While Seun felt things were pretty much over, his wife wasn’t ready to let things go. Mary thought nothing of letting her ‘friend’ Seun confide in her, and they ended up getting closer. Eventually Seun confessed that he had feelings for her and Mary admitted that she felt the same. Against her better judgement, Mary began seeing Seun. Initially Mary constantly asked about the divorce but Seun was ‘still looking, but unfortunately hadn’t found the right lawyer’.

Fast-forward 8 months, Seun was still married and seemed to have a lot of reasons why the divorce hadn’t happened. He would say: ‘She’s in a bad place mentally and emotionally, I think serving her the papers now would push her over the edge… I need to do it at the right time, just trust me on this’. Mary decided to be patient, and ‘hang’ in there.

In September Seun’s wife sadly lost her father, so he decided to move back into the house for a week because his wife and son were going through a horrible time. Mary was nearly crushed by this, but trusted Seun when he said he just wanted to help them through this rough time. Nothing apparently happened during his stay with the wife, and after a long chat he has promised to serve the papers before the end of this year.

After giving me the story, Mary said ‘I’m so lost, I honestly don’t know what to do. I love this guy more than anything and I don’t want to leave him. Should I stick around or leave?’ I honestly didn’t know what to say. A part of me feels that Mary should’ve known better and not gotten involved with someone with loads of unfinished business, but who am I to judge who she fell in love with?

Mary gave me permission to write about her as long as I changed her name, so on her behalf, I ask – what should she do? Do you think Seun will ever divorce his wife or do you think she in one hell of a mess and should cut her losses and walk away?

____________________________________________________________________________________
ToolzO is an award-winning on-air personality who currently presents ‘The Midday Show with Toolz’ on the Beat 99.9FM, the Juice for Ndani TV and Glo X-Factor West Africa. You can find out more about Toolz by visiting www.ToolzO.net.

ToolzO is an award-winning on-air personality who currently presents ‘The Midday Show with Toolz’ on the Beat 99.9FM (Lagos), 'Afrobeat News' on Capital Xtra (UK) and Ndani TV’s The Juice on DSTV Africa Magic Entertainment. You can find out more about Toolz by visiting www.ToolzO.net and @ToolzO on Twitter and Instagram.

173 Comments

  1. defaxinc

    December 3, 2013 at 11:20 am

    @ Toolz: Very good writing skills, Weldone
    @ Mary, She may want to try the option of giving the guy some break to sort out his unfinished business

    1
    • Ubaby

      December 4, 2013 at 12:11 am

      Typical of most Yoruba men (I quote “MOST not ALL”)….One leg in, another out….do what your heart tells you cause at the end, your choice is what matters

      1
  2. HRS_Cindy

    December 3, 2013 at 11:21 am

    Damn, that’s quite a mess. I know how hard it is to leave someone you’re in love with cos i’ve been there before, if i was Mary i’d try wiv the whole of being to just let things hang for the moment and give Seun time to sort himself out. But honestly i won’t stop myself from dating other people once in a while while he’s probably having a good time wiv his wife and besides, no promises were made right? It was jst confessions of love so why wait? He’ll come back if he really loves you

    1
    • becki

      December 4, 2013 at 9:46 am

      lmao!!! I had this same experience …3 yrs too….to top it all he now bought himself a baby mama during our relationship…I wore adidas running shoes and nike on the other leg to take off….this was 4yrs ago, he still hasn’t got a divorce.

      1
    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2013 at 9:20 pm

      Good on u…
      I would say run and take your emotions with you… xxx

      1
  3. ohgawd!

    December 3, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Been there, done that, have the T-shirt to show for it..took three years to realize he had not plan to divorce his wife. Seperated yes but divorce mbah…dear Mary, let me borrow you my Nike running shoes and their quote, Just do it! Run now

    1
    • AnotherVictim

      December 3, 2013 at 11:53 am

      Your response got me laughing out loud. There’s a lot of truth it though.
      My sister in London …. RUN , FAST!

      1
    • Lamide

      December 3, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      Omg. Lmao

      1
    • Fola

      December 3, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      Oh my! You cracked me up. But you are very correct. I was there too and I didn’t take this advice – I stayed instead of borrowing a pair of Nike running shoes…..at the end, 3 kids and a single parent because he eventually did not divorce the woman! I tried to make it work but what is not meant to be WILL NEVER BE…

      1
    • Plato

      December 3, 2013 at 12:51 pm

      Seun aka Peter Gunz

      1
    • ada ada

      December 3, 2013 at 3:57 pm

      LOL! Like!!

      1
    • me2

      December 3, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      simple and straight forward…its hard though but it pays on the long run!

      1
    • zeenie

      December 3, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      your response got me laughing…lol

      1
    • jcsgrl

      December 3, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      Ha ha ha ha…I’m laughing so hard.
      On another note, pls is the topic of MAN all women discuss these days? I don’t get it…maybe im either too old or been married too long or had a different specie of female friends. I just dont ever remember been this man obsessed. We had way too much going on to worry about man. Bills to pay, careers to explore, siblings and parents issues, etc. Oh well to each its own

      1
    • TinnedTomato

      December 4, 2013 at 3:42 pm

      Nneeeeeee, this is the Relationships page na…what’s more fun than griping about Men? 😉

      1
    • Rey Naldp

      December 30, 2013 at 3:21 am

      E be like say e don tay wey you dey single dats you don’t know that good men are now like petrol in Nigeria (scarce commodity)

      1
    • Hadassah

      December 4, 2013 at 6:53 am

      Hahaaaaaaahaa lmao!! Now that’s one heck of a funny and honest response. Lol haha

      1
  4. [email protected]

    December 3, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Break it off. Cos he is having the best of both worlds, and who wouldn’t want to eat his cake and
    have it?
    Leave him girl cos na so u go do 5 years go pass and e never serve paper not to talk of divorce.

    1
  5. Hurperyeahmie

    December 3, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Borrow Bolt’s legs and RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1
    • Ada

      December 3, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      LOL. Totally agree mehn.

      1
  6. hmmmm

    December 3, 2013 at 11:26 am

    i think she should just walk away, the seun is clearly not done with his wife or his marriage and i believe that there may be more to the story about their separation than just he isn’t happy in the marriage. hanging on to wait for a marriage to collapse so you can me made the queen in his life is a very wrong choice, i believe strongly that a men and women alike should end whatever needs to end with a past significant other before starting anything new with another person and possibly deal with the emotional baggage from the failed relationship or marriage so you can be emotionally and mentally ready to build something new. she should just move on and find herself a man that is very much single

    1
    • faith

      December 3, 2013 at 5:25 pm

      Walking is too slow in this case, my dear. Wat she needs is the speed of light oo or the one that spaceshuttles use. I agree with you though

      1
    • ololade

      December 4, 2013 at 9:32 am

      i second ur motion!

      1
  7. eve

    December 3, 2013 at 11:26 am

    There is no way that guy is divorcing… He is not true to himself and he making your friend to suffer. Sometimes men should stop being coward and should say the truth if he told her at the begining that “dear im married can’t lie to you but i really feel happy being with you… the girl would have decided on wether to be with him or not. But instead he went ont lying because he wanted to use her and now that he has finished he is now moving into his wife’s house.
    Mary accept to suffer cryyyyyyyyyy every tears of your body and move on. Life is sad but we have the choice to be happy and make that choice NOW!!! Sorry for the bad english im actually a french speaker and i have tried oooh bisous from cameroon
    bye

    1
    • Anonymous

      December 3, 2013 at 1:56 pm

      Preach sister! Well said. Mary needs to move on from this pathetic guy. He is manipulating both of them…He definitely has issues.

      1
  8. laffgal

    December 3, 2013 at 11:27 am

    A man knows who he wants to end up with. I am sure the guy only wants to chop a “native pekus”. Tell your friend to take a firm decision by avoiding the man, she should move on with her Life. She is a side chic and the guy will always remind her that indirectly and the more hurt it will bring to her heart. She should call it quit and avoid wasting her time. Being single and happy is beta than being in a relationship with heart filled with aches. The guy wont leave his wife, he just wants to feel the taste of another woman.

    1
  9. me

    December 3, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Sorry, Toolz, but tell your friend to move on ASAP. This man will never leave his wife. Excuses are something humans never lack and he’s going to keep feeding her very creative excuses, and when he can’t be bothered by her anymore, he’ll cut her off. Lets face it: he owes her nothing, their relationship as it is is undefined. According to the law he is STILL married and obviously in his head and heart too, he is. Otherwise, he’d have left his wife by now as when a man REALLY wants something, no mountain/hill/valley can get in his way. It’s hard but she needs to pack up and leave. The first mistake was seeing this still married man. Don’t let the second mistake be giving him precious years of your life you will never get back.

    1
    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 3, 2013 at 4:02 pm

      Agreed & @ Toolz, ain’t nothing accidental about this side-chick episode, though. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but dude was still very married when they met so your friend was a side chick from the jump anway. I wish she’d just stepped away slowly and not gotten involved at all but what’s done is done. The only question here is whether she accepts being a side-chick and can happily remain in his life under that label? If she does, we all make our choices so all the best to her. If she doesn’t and sees herself as deserving the main prize then, again, we all make our choices, so all the best to her.

      I know those pesky emotions can mess with a girl’s mind but I hope she has the benefit of complete clarity when she eventually makes her decision.

      1
    • Blessmyheart

      December 3, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      Exactly! Nothing accidental. Whether separated or not, if he’s not divorced or widowed, he’s very married!
      I just don’t know how ladies fall into this trap. God saved me from one also. It’s difficult but you have to ‘tear off the bandage’ suddenly else you’ll remain there forever.

      1
    • memebaby

      December 4, 2013 at 1:58 am

      abi..worse case..becoming pregnant for him..

      1
  10. labelle

    December 3, 2013 at 11:29 am

    i think she should just walk away, the seun guy is clearly not done with his wife or his marriage and i believe that there may be more to the story about their separation than just he isn’t happy in the marriage. hanging on to wait for a marriage to collapse so you can be made the queen in his life is a very wrong choice, i believe strongly that men and women alike should end whatever needs to end with a past significant other before starting anything new with another person and possibly deal with the emotional baggage from the failed relationship or marriage so you can be emotionally and mentally ready to build something new. she should just move on and find herself a man that is very much single

    1
  11. Scg

    December 3, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Give him a 2 week ultimatum to get his ish right or call it quits with him

    1
    • *Real* Nice Anon

      December 3, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      Ultimatums never work. A very childish way to go about things.

      1
  12. Dr Who

    December 3, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Mary has entered one chance o……she had better pick race with supersonic speed

    1
  13. Phoebe

    December 3, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Toolz you dint share your own relationship status :).

    On the other hand, if I were in her shoes I will move on, it will be hard though, but I will just do it.

    1
  14. Labby

    December 3, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Mary, please run! Fast!

  15. nonye

    December 3, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Walk away! He’s wasting her time and her youth, and that’s something she can never recover. Mary, walk away and don’t look back lest you turn into a pillar of salt

  16. Samantha

    December 3, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Mary, I can only imagine how difficult this is. Leaving someone you love is one of the hardest things in life BUT sometimes hurt will bring a bigger blessing later on. Seun has no plans to divorce his wife, dare I say he still has feelings for her because him moving back into the family home shows you he is still emotionally attached. He keeps finding excuses as to why he hasn’t handed her papers yet it has been almost a year of being in a relationship with him. Marriages are hard to end there is so much emotional and fincacial attachment there I doubt very much he plans on leaving. Rather separate, have a relationship with someone else and go back to his wife when he is ready. Better you leave now whilst there is still some hope for you. God forbid you stay with him for another couple of years he goes back to the marriage and you are left stranded. Better you leave now as you are not pregnant and there are no children involved on your part. God has a plan for you my love. Bear the pain and leave him, your soul mate and husband is out there but unfortunately it doesn’t look asif that man is seun.

  17. HAROBED

    December 3, 2013 at 11:47 am

    My dear, you gotta give d guy space till his fully gives his wife d divorce papers.

  18. M

    December 3, 2013 at 11:50 am

    This Mary girl sef she get liver o, how can you just jump straight from the frying pan into the fire, just like that. from long distance to married man.
    when it comes to complicated reltionship i always say put yourself in the other parties shoes (ie the legally married wife/husband). how would you feel if it were you that was married to someone for a couple of years and then all of a sudden they divorce you for someone else. come to think of it how would you feel knowing you got your man by default. moreover how do you know you would not be next when he says oh we are having some problems/difficulties. us ladies need to shine our eyes well well o cos these days all kind story de blind us. if he is married, engaged or in a committed relationship then he belongs to someone else. no need to be selfish and start encroaching. if he really wants you wait till their mess is cleared up before moving in. i know some things are easier said than done but God did not give us a brain and legs for nothing. think wisely and run away. after all to put it bluntly why be the mistress when you can be someone elses wife

    • Shugar

      December 3, 2013 at 3:28 pm

      Well said!

    • lee

      December 4, 2013 at 10:29 pm

      Could not have said it better

    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2013 at 9:27 pm

      GBAM…
      nothing more…. the rest is tory tory story..lol

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Rey Naldo

      December 30, 2013 at 3:25 am

      LMAO @ frying pan to fire

  19. olabeemaself

    December 3, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Honestly, We cant help who we fall in love with @ times. She needs to understand no man will be willing to give up there family for you easily. I think she needs to move on Because if He really does love her. He would do whatever it takes. Men are funny creatures we know that Your friend believes what she being told. she needs to remember that seun has been with the other woman for 4 years so its kinda of hard to let go. She needs to move on.

  20. natty

    December 3, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Run!!!!!, he’ll always look for an excuse not to serve the divorce papers, he still has some feelings for his wife for him to move in during her loss. C’mon who is he deceiving here.

  21. Person

    December 3, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I have been there before. The story is familiar. It took me 3 years to end it. Mary, you don’t have to wait 3 years. You can end it right now. I promise you that he will NEVER divorce his wife; he’s getting the best of both worlds :-/ A wife at home and a convenient ass when he’s bored of the one at home (sorry to be crude, but we need to tell ourselves the truth sometimes). Mary will forever be number 2 in his world, even if they ‘stay’ together. I mean come on, she had a trauma and he went running to her. Next time, don’t get with someone unless they show you the divorce papers and even then, be sure the divorce wasn’t cos of you tori pe pasan ti won fi na iyale, o wa ni aja fun iyawo!!!

  22. Lilly

    December 3, 2013 at 11:55 am

    If Mary is sure she prayed about her relationship with Seun and she is convince he is God will for her life, she should be patient but if not she should pray and ask for God’s directions and move on.

    • Person

      December 3, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      LMAO. God’s will bawo? Some people are stuck on stupid.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2013 at 9:29 pm

      lol…. see how they like to drag God into this..
      wow what a comment?

    • Autoprincess

      December 3, 2013 at 12:28 pm

      What???????????????

    • Sewuese

      December 3, 2013 at 12:32 pm

      Pray that another woman’s husband is God’s will for her? Did you hear yourself? In ur bid to sound religious you sound stupid. May God’s will for another woman be your own husband.

    • Miss_Flygerian

      December 3, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I wan talk the same thing. God’s will in top another woman’s husband ni? Abeg @Lilly, shove your “God’s will” preaching where the sun don’t shine. Nonsense.

    • natty

      December 3, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      This comment got me laffing out loud, seriously!!! , I guess you are being sarcastic, because I strongly refuse to believe you actually meant what you wrote there

    • jess

      December 3, 2013 at 2:10 pm

      It is God’s will that she dates/marries another’s husband??? Are you kidding????Please leave God out of topics like this.Your friend is an Adulterer. If she had no clue of the marriage before the “falling in love” it will sound better. If girls can say NO to married men, wives will be happier.No one wants to say it ……..MARY YOU ARE A SIDE CHICK SO PLEASE MOVE ON.

    • Non professional opinion

      December 3, 2013 at 4:02 pm

      I don’t even understand why they are calling it accidental. She was hoping to displace another woman and “win” the liar that she is in love with and now that it’s backfired she is calling foul.
      /side-eye from here to Guangzhou.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 3, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      Na wa oh…. This hustle to be a Mrs Somebody is REAL.

    • X- Factor

      December 3, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      God’s will sha

    • Idak

      December 3, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      Naija can find a way and entangle God in every matter.

    • Ekwitosi

      December 3, 2013 at 6:05 pm

      lol!!! God has a way of manifesting in all our conversations even when the person knows it is wrong!

    • Blessmyheart

      December 3, 2013 at 6:29 pm

      Very funny. God’s will indeed. Have you forgotten that “we have the mind of Christ”?. It can never be God’s will to break up a marriage. Una do o

    • whocares

      December 3, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      Lmaoooooooooo. Oh the comments have killed me. Honestly the tears streaming down my face from laughing so much. God’s will. Looool

    • Miss Unidentified

      December 4, 2013 at 4:42 pm

      my dear don’t be decieved it is NEVER God’s will for a woman to wait and break up another man’s home because of foolishness.. (as harsh as it is.) what she has done was completely foolish.. What’s all this about you can’t help who you love. You can’t help who you have feelings for, yes, but LOVE is A CHOICE.. she chose to stay there and wait for him.. if she knows what is good for her.. she better run.. that guy even if he leaves his wife for him.. He will leave her for someone else.. Simple as that.

    • tinkerbell

      December 4, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      You have so many life issues…for you to be able to make
      this comment. #fakechristian. Please stop using the name of the
      Lord in vain. The will of the Lord for marriage is that whosoever
      He had joined together, Let no Mary put asunder.

    • Bee

      December 11, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      God’s will is to help save marriages (including Seun’s own) no matter what the situation is. Vows where made and God hates divorce so Mary should not be encouraged in anyway.

  23. kemi

    December 3, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    mary should pls read the writings on d wall… seun isnt leaving his wife thats d ugly truth. he’s just playing wit her emotions. wake up girl! no man is worth ur stress

  24. Omolade Remilekun

    December 3, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    Dear Mary I’ll advise that you leave this guy, God has a better person waiting for you; all u need to do is stop the relationship, its not easy but I pray God will strengthen you.

  25. Nonnie

    December 3, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    i have been in the same situation for three years still single and he is still with his wife, so i think you should let him go. he is wasting your time and you are also wasting your time, its going to be very hard cause you are in love with the guy,but the pain that you are going through right now is not worth it. he is not worth it at all.

    • SOS

      December 3, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Hi eve u jx wrote on my behalf…..he told me he was married,we started had out as been freinds, in nanoseconds i was into him,i am so crazy in luv wif dis guy n i am so confused i know it is wrong and i call myself ridicolous names and i swear to God my conscience kills me but i cant just call it off, i am not mopping but i v ad my own share of llife,i see him like a father and he has done more than what my father would do not financially, but i mean he encourages me,he is involved in my acadenmics and u name it. He told me he loves his family and i promised never to interfere which i have kept to and i intend to keep to,he tells me everything happening in his home and i know he is a good man. I want to leave him but i cant just help myself. I am scared i would be empty again and i would be depressed and i might commit sucide. I have only met him for 9months but the joy i feel has erased the abuse of the past 22years.
      I need help people i need help i am so dying as i am writing this. to make matters worse i dont even av any suitor to think maybe i had fall back [email protected] naveah,nonnie,mzsociallyawkward, and everyone that i look forward to reading there comment please help me through this.

    • Jimmy

      December 3, 2013 at 2:41 pm

      Leave another woman’s husband alone……there’s nothing you say that will justify your so called feelings or what you think is love, he’s using you and his wife is praying and cursing you, you’re wasting your youth, so what are the benefits here exactly, I never understand why women do stuff like this, we choose who we love and we can switch off from that person when we choose to, the mind is a very powerful thing if we can just use it sometime. Try that

    • Wooooo

      December 3, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      Seek God.Do the right thing.

    • Wooooo

      December 3, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      Go to Jesus and He will help you as back up.

    • Non professional opinion

      December 3, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      I don’t think you love him, you are co-dependent. Three years of being a side chick is devastating to the self-esteem. You probably spend your days cataloging your flaws to understand why he won’t just choose you. You are younger, finer, smarter than his wife abi? Yet….
      You are an ego trip for this guy and he is probably secretly judging your questionable morals so the chances of a real relationship, are slim to non existent. Get out of this yesterday!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 3, 2013 at 4:53 pm

      Darling, you’re just 22??? I thought you were much older from what you wrote about being hopeless.

      You’re way too young to have these kinds of issues, goodness, how I detest the Nigerian environment sometimes. Why is a 22year old not living her life to the utmost and exploring all the possibilities of who she can be? What kind of society pushes young girls to waste their youth on older, married men??

      This man you’re with is a predator, it is that simple. He could have remained a mentor or benefactor without sleeping with you, your vulnerability just made you easier to prey on. Leave him, you have to stop wasting your definitive years like this or else you’ll look back with deep regret.

      This will not end well and all that I’ve said above comes from a place of love & extreme concern.

    • Idak

      December 3, 2013 at 5:28 pm

      All this grammar does not change much.
      Is the man,single? No.
      Sister, keep on walking.
      If you are comfortable with the life of a side chick,then carry go. Just know that it is a close sibling of runs. I hope you are not one of those who cuss out girls who do runs? There is not much difference.

    • Idak

      December 3, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      You do not need help. You need common sense. RECEIVE IT!!!!

    • Blessmyheart

      December 3, 2013 at 6:32 pm

      You know the right thing to do. It is very difficult but you can do it by the grace of God. Your blessing is not in the hands of a man but it’s with God. Seek His face and do the right thing, He will turn your story around.

    • whocares

      December 3, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      Ahem. Slightly miffed i wasn’t mentioned but oh well. I think you should separate the gratitude you feel for this man from it all. No one person should determine your emotional wellbeing that much. Suicide if you leave him? I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. It may sound mean but i don’t think he loves you. He has a family, where do you think you fit in his life? What do you give back in your relationship? You are only 22 and gods know i am not much older than you at 24 and i don’t have much experience, but you need to leave. You need to.do something for yourself, build your career, travel, take interest in some social issue
      being busy will keep you occupied and be beneficial for your future. I am telling you the same thing id tell my best friend. Leave him and live! He has lived his life and you are letting him rob you of yours. Be well.x

    • tinkerbell

      December 4, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Please leave this man immediately. You are not in love and
      he is not in love with you. True love does not cheat or betray. You
      are both being very selfish. He is using you and you are using him.
      Please leave another womans husband alone. Imagine the grief you
      are causing someone else. How will you like it if someone else was
      writing this about your own husband. This is adultery and it is a
      sin against God and man. We reap what we sow and God will always
      judge. This man is not the solution to our man daddy issues. Please
      use your head and make the smartest decision you will ever make in
      your life; LEAVE HIM ALONE and go and wait patiently for your own
      husband. Whatever you think you feel for him or vice versa is a
      lie. Emotions have a way of deceiving us and by the time your eyes
      have cleared and your life is permanently messed up, THEN you will
      feel like committing suicide for real and with good reason. Please
      stop being a selfish, stupid and wicked person and leave what is
      not yours. There is no benefit in it for you at the end. You are
      young. Go and wait for your turn. Remember that his wife will at
      this moment be sending all sorts of spiritual weapons our way. My
      dear, you do not want to hear the contents of the prayers or jazz
      of a woman fighting for her husband. A female lioness is more
      fierce than the male while protecting her pride. A word is enough
      for the wise.

    • Noola

      December 17, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      So here is my two cents. When your relationship with mr married guy is over and you meet the one who you finally get married to. May your husband have a side chick just like you have been in Jesus name. If you feel that you won’t be able to stand competition in your marriage you know what to do.

  26. Thelma

    December 3, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    I’m sure in Mary’s heart she knows what to do, she just doesn’t know how to do it. No one says it would be easy but she needs to cut her losses and move on. However, if she’s satisfied with leftovers, then she should by all means stay. I hope one day she doesn’t wake up and ask “where did the years go?”
    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

  27. Thelma

    December 3, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    And btw Toolz I’m so loving your makeup in that picture. It’s the best I’ve seen of you yet.
    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

  28. Amebo

    December 3, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    The guy clearly doesn’t have you in his future plans.You need to let go and move on with your life….There are many fishes in the river…Just keep praying and hoping for your own man.Baba God is the only boo provider..

  29. darkchildlovethyhair

    December 3, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    Seen this story play out in a lot of movies and it always ends badly. Get a move on girl!

  30. UNIQUE

    December 3, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    pls what is Mary asking God for direction for? someone’s husband? my dear pls leave and pray to God to give u ur own husband.

  31. darkchildlovethyhair

    December 3, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Seen this story play out in a lot of movies and it always ends badly. Get a move on girl! BTW toolz is too cute 🙂

  32. Product of public Education

    December 3, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    Run go where now??? Abegi you too look for another bobo as your own plan B. Incase seun come up with the “is not you it’s me story” ghen ghen tinz dey happen sha!

  33. lady

    December 3, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Mary please don’t be a waste. Run as fast as you can. If Seun truly has feelings for you he will hurry up with the divorce process. Holding on to his wife means he want to eat his cake and also have it at same time. Dont get blind by him running back to you because he would keep doing that everytime things goes wrong between him and his wife.

  34. Abimbola Eluyera

    December 3, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    I honestly think she should take it one step at a time. The situation she has found herself in is very messy as it is and will get messier if care is not taken. Let her disengage from this one properly before even considering the other guy.

  35. STELLA

    December 3, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    MARY MARY MARY if u can hear me or read dis how many times did i call u, that dude is obviously not a real man, he cant i repeat CANT leave the lady, he was lusting after u and u fell for it am sorry hon time to move on…. explore other options and have FUN! goodluck hon cos is not going to b easy.

  36. Lecker

    December 3, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    I think when we claim that we’re confused, we’re only saying that we’re scared to confront our greatest fear/truth. Pls take a break from it all, it’ll be very hard but I bet u’ll always look back and be happier for it.

    • Blessmyheart

      December 3, 2013 at 6:33 pm

      “we claim that we’re confused, we’re only saying that we’re scared to confront our greatest fear/truth” hmmm

  37. jinkelele

    December 3, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    maybe he’s not ready to pay alimony yet so he’s cutting his costs hehe

  38. Autoprincess

    December 3, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    A friend of a friend dated a ‘married but soon to be divorced’ man for about 5 years, waiting for him to divorce his wife and marry her. Family and friends warned her (as we are warning Mary now), but she did not listen. Unfortunately for her, the wife died and homeboy whether out of guilt (for not caring enough) or something else, broke up with our girl entirely. He claimed he needed space but he never came back to her.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      woah…
      Nobody wins in this situation. Even if hypothetically, he does divorce his wife? Then what? happily ever after? I dont think so. Nothing is black and white. Save yourself.
      Even SCANDAL knows better now.lol. x

  39. Kola S

    December 3, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Walk away. If he wants you, he’ll do the right thing and THEN come after you. If he doesn’t want you, he won’t. Either way you’ll have an answer.

  40. Endo

    December 3, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Men like that will never leave their wives. Mary, take heed and move on with your life.

    Pls share your endometriosis stories @ endochallenges.wordpress.com. Let’s beat endo together!

  41. Udoro

    December 3, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Mary has to find out if d guy still has even d tinny tiniest feeling 4 his wife, or else…..she should walk. Children in marriage always has a way of bonding a couple.

  42. toasty

    December 3, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    wow, i have a friend in the same exact situation. I have told her on countless times to leave the guy but she wont. Mary should leave,RUN RUN RUN and keep RUNNING….

  43. honeymix

    December 3, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    Mary needs to take a very big leap from this Seun. I hope she gets to read all this comments, they are for her own good. Seun would not leave his wife at all for her cos he clearly still has feelings for her. I know its nt Mary’s fault but she should not be the other woman who broke up another woman’s marriage. She should just move on for her own good cos she would still hurt more by waiting and waiting forever for Seun to divorce his wife. We cant help who we fall in love with but God helps us to chose right, don’t think another woman’s husband is ever God’s will and plan for you.

  44. phola

    December 3, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Mary,one word: Run

  45. Berry Dakara

    December 3, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    Dear Mary, take some time out to cry and cry some more because this will not end well. A year from now, you will probably still be crying because you allowed yourself to waste your time with this guy. Just leave it alone, stop speaking to him, even ask for a transfer if you have to, but this is NOT going to end well.

  46. AA

    December 3, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I don’t know why some women think its easy for a man to get divorced. It’s not easy for us not to even mention the man who has to deal with the emotional effects the divorce will have on his kids and the financial implication on him. Only an evil hearted, irresponsible man will walk away from his family without a thought to their welfare. My advice to ladies in this situation, leave him alone to sort his life out. Don’t play the hero and try to save him. You will only become a victim of circumstance.

  47. Binta

    December 3, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Tools I will tell your friend to leave seenu, he wasn’t meant for her. She is messing with someone’s else blessing, instead of waiting for her own. If she lets him go cold turkey style, she would be able to know if he truly care, the fact is thAt your friend is the mistress and seun sounds like a liar, I think he was kicked out of the house for cheating before, and now his wife and him are working things out, she is trying to forgive him, so your friend Mary, am sad to say is an addition to his side dishes. I would like to take this chance to say women when a man tells you these cock and bull stories, best thing to do is give him three choices, introduce you to his family or befriend his wife, or tell him you are pregnant and see what he says.

  48. Nominee

    December 3, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    Ok Mary I realize you love this guy so I won’t say run. I’ld rather say, take a long break. Tell him you need a break first and you know just do your thing, see other people while you are doing your thing too, if he really values you and wouldn’t want to lose you, he’ll serve the papers and forget Miss. Barbados before your break is over. If not, then walk away. On a final note though, you aren’t doing yourself any favour waiting for a man to leave his wife. Regardless of what he says, you are the babe on the outside and na you dem go still label husband snatcher. Take a break and let him chase you or…. walk away!

  49. Lucylink

    December 3, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    The end of the year is just 29 days away. Mary should start her stop watch. If on Jan 1, 2014, Seun has not served the papers, she should cut Seun out of her life entirely. No excuses. It doesn’t matter if it’s the holiday season. Seun said at the end of the year.
    She should think of it as a new beginning. Either, 2014 will start with a real potential for Mary and Seun, or Mary will walk into a new year, bolder, freer and more welcoming of love from the right man.

  50. TEMMY

    December 3, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Babe pls pls and pls listen to all dis advice given to u……….. is better U RUN AS FAST AS U CAN U CAN EVEN USE FLYING BOAT OO, some guyz are just created to waste ladies time and ladies will fall in love like KILODE abegi RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, may God help u out hun. pele.

  51. Que

    December 3, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    The facts of this case: He IS married, You are NOT his wife, You are a helpmeet for his extra curricular needs, His wife is NOT ready to go anywhere, His child is there to fight for,He has refused to grab d nearest lawyer –for someone who is eager to leave his wife ….. ……. remind me again how u think this will end??? ….. SisterMary, u know the truth of what must be done, the real question is do you want to do it? best wishes.

  52. Miss_Flygerian

    December 3, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Mary already knows what to do, the answer to her predicament is staring at her right in the face but is SHE ready to take the next step? She needs to cut the Seun guy lose from her life, he is impeding her progress, he is a weapon fashioned against her. A man who IS married with a son and who is giving a million excuses on why he hasn’t divorced his wife who by the way isn’t ready to give up on the marriage is not the business. Odiro worth it biko. Think of the wife in question, what if she has been praying day in, day out for a turning point in her marriage? Na you go wan come steal her thunder? Abeg run before dem swear for you. That’s how curses are born.

  53. Nike

    December 3, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    Hmmm, i don’t know o. A very good friend of mine did the same. But, now shes married to the guy and they have 2 kids. her story was such a mess in London, cos the ex-wife was also a Nigerian and they all went to the same church. So you can imagine the scandal that happened when my friend, K, started dating the guy while he was still separated but not divorced. They dated for about 8 years before he got divorced and eventually married her. They even had both kids out of wedlock, while the guy was still just separated. I always felt she was crazy (still do to some extent i wont lie). But different strokes o. This life s just a pot of beans

    • Non professional opinion

      December 3, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      Nike you are right. Mary should give him the next 8 years of her life on the off chance she might beat the statistical odds and end up with what sounds like a dream guy. Bella delete all the other responses, Nike has the right answer.

    • Nike

      December 5, 2013 at 2:52 am

      LOL. Never said i supported her oooooooo. She’s the kind of friend i can never leave with my husband based on her actions. just saying who knows? Maybe Mary will eventually end up with the guy. 99% sure if she does though, he will cheat on her

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      December 3, 2013 at 4:37 pm

      LMAOOOO Indeed! Life is a burnt pot of beans biko.

  54. ij

    December 3, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    Run ke? as in make like R.Kelly and FLY because before you know it she don carry belle , then Toolz will land again with another update of this story at which point , BN readers will rain all the curses possible on her for being stupid.
    if you check it now , he is supposed to be consoling his wife oh but he is still sleeping with her, its all part of the consoling abi? before you know it she sef go carry belle.
    That was how my friend was dating this man who claimed to be in the process of divorcing his wife , the funny thing was that even as he claimed vehemently that he couldn’t stand his wife , infact he couldn’t wait to leave her , he was busy doing naming ceremony every yr

  55. Aisha

    December 3, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    My dearest Mary, it is very obvious that you have given this guy the permission to waste away precious seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and probably years of your life which you will never get back. Look to the future and hire a private eye who will gather reliable information to enable you move on with your life. This is not the time to me teary eyed. All the best.

  56. christobel

    December 3, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    D guy in question is a Nigerian and its always difficult 4 them to leave wen a son is involved. Mary my candid advice is u shuld leave him alone. Another single guy wuld come and u wuldnt want to live wit a stigma of takin anoda grl’ls man

  57. Debbie

    December 3, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    I advice her to leave that guy cos he has got an unfinished business.

  58. Chic

    December 3, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Mary just leave the man, get a transfer or change departments if you can so you don’t have to be around him. Tell him that he can call you once his divorce is final and if you are still single and still have feelings for him then maybe you will consider being with him again until then it’s adios my friend!

  59. Theresa

    December 3, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    Whatever we sow in life we get to reap it. If a young lady knowingly dates a married man (whether separated or one with marital issues), she will reap what she sowed. Every marriage has challenges. No matter how great the courtship period was, a married couple will go through periods of trials. But their commitment is what makes them sort it. Don’t try to ‘help’ them man during this period my dear single ladies. If he eventually marries you, he will seek ‘help’ in the arms of another woman when you both begin to have your own marital problems. BTW, statistics (USA) have shown that people who divorced their partners to get married again, are more prone to divorce. Is it worth it then?

    • tinkerbell

      December 4, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      My sister, God bless you for this comment. It is really thast simple. Nuff said.

  60. b

    December 3, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. 2 It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. 3 So watch yourselves. Luke 17 vs 1-4

    Mary dont incur the wrath of God, leave another womans husband alone, dont be the one to tempt him. Hmmmm. Flee now and sin no more. God will help you and give you a husband that will love and cherish you like no other. FEAR GOD.

  61. eniola

    December 3, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    WOW! Where have I been?! Mary dear, please be open to other relationships, I dare not say leave cos I know how it feels. And I’m saying you should be open to other relationships cos there’s a child involved. your chances are slim dear. And like @Berry Dakara said, if you have to get a transfer, baby please do. At least for the sake of your sanity. Bless you dear.

  62. Ginika

    December 3, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Mary, let me say what you want to hear, Stay with him, believe in him, keep hoping, tie yourself to him untillllllllll one day you wake up and find that you have lost a good part of your young beautiful life fighting some rubbish nonsense unnecessary battle…

  63. Dolapo

    December 3, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Mary reminds me of Olivia Pope in scandal. She’s probably turning down responsible men for Seun oh! Anything involving a married man is very risky. And who buys that ‘we are having issues crap anyway’? Lies!!!!! Go watch Scandal and find your answer there!

  64. frances

    December 3, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    I will just say it as it is.
    The Mr Man has baggage he hasn’t sorted out and u r truly just a side-chick right now,his number one,the one who bears his name,who has a child for him,who he cared enuf for to move back into the home to ‘console’ at the loss of her dad is still there.
    She still wants him yeah,he is in d house now,do u think she will let him go dat easily?
    The truth is he isn’t ready to divorce her or move on,he is still thinking,he hasn’t sorted it out,if he had,he would av served her tey tey,whether she was in a good place or not.men are like dat,wen they r ready,u know,wen they aren’t,we know too,we just hang in there and waste valuable time!
    My dear,run,fly,move out of that place.u say u love him? Wats love got to do with it? U r wasting love on the wrong ish,let the wrong one go for the right single/officially divorced or watever man to come in,one without baggage,that you know wants u for real,that u know u r not wasting love on,that u know u r his number one!
    I pray u find courage to do d right tin,cuz as long as u hold onto d bad,d good won’t see a space to come through.
    Let go dear.*hugs*

    imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  65. mii

    December 3, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    LMAO!!! Toolz any of ur frnds whom we r not familiar with ,not a celebrity and we see you wif is a suspect oooo,is the so called MARY…we most tyms always knw the right thin to do but instead choose pleasure ova chastisement…IT IS WELL!

  66. X- Factor

    December 3, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    Take off and Cool off with D Banj’s Mobolowowon

  67. M.

    December 3, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    @ Mary. Leave now! It will hurt but trust me the longer you stay the worst the pain will be. Trust me it took me 10 years, in a similar relationship with the same kind of guy, to understand that( Yes I was a fool in love!). He doesn’t need to move on sis – he’s married (still comfortable in it), he’s got a kid and he’s GOT YOU…Trust me he’s got the upper hand. He may leave her but he may not AND you shouldn’t be waiting for him to do either. YOU WALK AWAY , RUN! Notes for next time – if he is officially separated or divorced – ask for the evidence – I did that recently with a man that said he was divorced with twin daughters…He gave me the divorce absolute and I called the divorce court and got further confirmation (Still didn’t get with him cause his ass is cray cray). My darling Mary, that may sound like some stalker crazy psycho bitch stuff, but trust me the bible says protect your heart for out of it flows the issues of life…those words are so very true, so imma be a stalker crazy psycho bitch who will protect herself from those that want to use me to satisfy their own needs because that is what this guy is doing to you. One more thing I may not be the greatest Christian but I believe that, whatever God you worship, you get on your knees and you pray for his guidance, continuous love, strength to do the right thing and the ability to accept that which you cannot change. Blessed be Mary. Take care of you.

  68. Idak

    December 3, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    Mary constantly asked about the divorce but Seun was ‘still looking, but unfortunately hadn’t found the right lawyer’.

    At this point,I knew the girl had entered one-chance.
    Things of the heart are often clear to outsiders but veiled to those inside due to a reasons such as lust, ‘love’, and outright stupidity.
    No matter how long an epistle is written to describe it,side chick na still still chick. Not too different from runs. A man/woman is either single or attached. No need for long grammar.

  69. Esco www.woahnigeria.wordpress.com

    December 3, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    I agree that we cant help who we fall in love with sometimes. That why it is called “falling” in love. You do it accidentally. But then, you can get right back up.

    Toolz, what your friend’s chap is doing is what is called in pidgin English parlance “Chop and Clean Mouth” a.k.a CACM.

    His intentions might have been good when he just started seeing your friend, but its hard to say no to free pussy (sorry o, if you are offended). Another thing is that his wife may have wanted a divorce originally but as is with feminine nature and guile, if/when she started suspecting that dude was seeing Mary and wanted to expedite a divorce so that he could go be with Mary, she may have formulated a plan to clutch him harder. Some women would rather die that lose a man to another female, even if they have no use for the man. That is a possibility.

    And oh, I can bet that dude and his wife are still smashing. Your friend is hanging on to a pipe dream (no pun intended). She should get rid.

    • Blessmyheart

      December 3, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      Lol. You carck me up all the time. Whatever happened to your blog by the way? You broke my heart when you stopped updating it.

  70. jozzy

    December 3, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    He said he is going to divorce his wife to be with u hmmmm NO one marries his enemy even if he is not having much feelings for his wife now their 4years old boy will always bring them together in terms of his up bringing and this might rekindle their love. Do not separate what God has put together. Pray to God and u will get urs. why take something that belongs to another?

  71. Buse

    December 3, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    It reminds me of this guy that disturbed me for good 4 years, not that I didn’t like him, but he was married and separated. So for that reason I kept saying no, sad enough the woman died a natural death after a surgery, and I gave him a chance. Never mess around with a married person because they won’t leave their spouse for you

  72. Ekwitosi

    December 3, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    Mary please give, this dude his ‘WALKING PAPERS’ abeg! He wants to have the Nigerian flavor. He may be looking for a relationship but definitely not with YOU! The problem with we women is that sometimes we don’t listen with our heads. He has already told you the kind of person he is because he said “he felt they had rushed into things and hadn’t thoroughly thought through their different backgrounds” And the unfortunate thing is that he is about to make the same mistake with you because he still has an unfinished business and he wants to rush into things with you. If he eventually gets the divorce he would want a few months/years of being single. One of the best advices I ever got is never be with a guy that just got out of a serious relationship if it hasn’t been at least six months and in the case of divorce at least two years. So sister please run or else you are facilitating heartbreak, which sometimes can be very nasty.

  73. Miss_Flygerian

    December 3, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Again, if he is able to cheat on his wife with you, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you with another woman if he finally decides to carry on with the divorce and marry you?

  74. OmoMakun

    December 3, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Babes please RUN!!!!! Time is something you can never get back, you don’t want to see yourself a year, 2years, 3 years from now and he’s still “trying” divorce his wife and even living together. Please cut your losses and keep it moving. He has so much at stake compared to you and he’s enjoying the best of both worlds. Why would you ever want to be someone’s second choice? Its first or nothing at all. I know you’re probably hurting from your previous long distance relationship, but its not an excuse to just hop on the next available “bus” because you’re vulnerable at the moment. Get yourself together, you deserve better!

  75. Young lady

    December 3, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    Dear Mary, Run!!! Disconnect yourself from him first.be rest assured it will be hardm but make up your mind to pull through. Take it as an exam. In which you are seeing success at the end. CHOoSE to use your head and not your heart. In this exam, your heart is the failure tooL while your head is the success tool. Take the first step, pray, then “TRUST” God absolutely. It means you’re not seeing the end but you trust God to take you through. You’ll fall, but when you do, shake off the disappointment and get back on your feet. Disconnect first, delibrately “Avoid” him. Let him even notice you are. If need be, tell him you are. Leave the office for himm get another job immediately if possible. N if no, create a distance.. Delete his nos, if need be avoid places yoU both go to together, avoid being together wif him even with common friendsm Be rest assured, it will be hard in the beginning, you might fall at times, but if you keep at it, you’ll come out strongern wiser and better. You’ll be happier, heathier and most grateful.

  76. MAGDALENE

    December 3, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    Dear Mary, I had rather date a FULL BLOWN MARRIED MAN who isn’t coming to lie about crap and issues to get in my pants but just that he loves me, than to date cowards with baggage married or unmarried. Dear agony aunties, (if you are below 30 or a bereaved wife with a living husband you know yourselves, do not comment) I currently am , I am not entirely proud of it but I really could care less bcos my heart is happy and God knows yes HE does! I didnt plan it, infact I avoided it but it happened. I love him and he loves me too. we are just happy and that’s cool, I have had headache doing good girl and dating single guys who by no fault of mine, will just break my heart. I cant tell my whole story. Maybe marriage is not for all or it is and will come different for some. So Mary all I ask is that you know what you want and be real abt it. There will be problems, married, single, side even faggots too, the only difference is the status and label society has put on it. Love is not always conventional. I don’t need an opinion as you are seeking, as this is my heart and as at now I am happy.

    • I deleted my name and avatar

      December 4, 2013 at 9:11 am

      Hahahahaha while I don’t necessarily agree with your take on this topic, your comment “a bereaved wife with a living husband you know yourselves, do not comment” cracked me up big time lmao. I remember a woman who got up and joined widows in a church when the widows were called for thanksgiving. Everyone raised an eyebrow because the woman’s husband was still alive. Pastor queried her on this and she said her husband might as well be dead because she’s the only one bearing the burden of two people and she’s thanking God for giving her the strength to do it!

      @ Babe below, I know right! I almost fell into the clutches of a married man in my first year in UK. Like you said they know too right how to treat you to make you fall for them

  77. MAGDALENE

    December 3, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    And before the self esteem measurers come in with their tape, It is full.

  78. Laide

    December 3, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    A word is enough for the wise…..RUN!

  79. tobee

    December 3, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    @ mrs Flygerian! Are u a woman? U killed me wth dat phrase.” He is a weapon fashioned against her”…..some pple sure has a way wth words. Mary mary,mary. Ow many times did I call you? Run fr ur life…..honestly,i see al ds comments as very sincere,infact never seen a more sincere answers frm commenters in a while,pls adhere to them nd be safe. Aboro la n so fun omoluabi,to baa de inu e,a di odidin. Abeg I no fit interpret am joo.wanna slip,dnt want to be dozing @ wrk 2moro.gdnite peeps

  80. anonymous

    December 4, 2013 at 12:15 am

    I honestly think that Mary should walk away. The bitter truth is that The guy is STILL married, and she has actually been cheating with him all along(A.K.A adultery). It’s going to be very tough but Mary, walk away!

  81. Babe

    December 4, 2013 at 12:45 am

    Awwww familiar story happens a lot in d UK. Note to single girls coming here to skl any man dat treats u too right and knows all d right things to do to make u fall for him is sooooo married!

  82. Lee

    December 4, 2013 at 1:02 am

    In the end, Mary is involve with another woman’s husband and in other to make sense of her actions, I would think that, she need to put herself in the other woman’s shoe. Maybe then she can move on, seek forgiveness, pray for her own man (without baggages) and hope that Seun finds love again with his woman. Toolz, just imagine that Mary was the Barbados woman, what will the comments on here be?

  83. slice

    December 4, 2013 at 2:13 am

    he’ll divorce his wife but whether or not he’ll marry Mary, i’m not sure. the relationship with the wife is rocky. he had already moved out before he met Mary. Yes i know he wasnt officially divorced and i don’t support her dating him a technically married man, but it does seem like he’ll leave his wife. there are many of these naija boy stories all over here. marry the non-nigerian babe for 4 years. decide they can’t do it no more. quit that and marry a nigerian girl. biko i’m not saying it’s right but it’s common enough that’s it’s likely to repeat itself in this case.
    plus honestly all his excuses sound legit. if the wife’s father was dying and he knew about it, that would be a pretty horrible time to serve divorce papers. in fact, i would argue mary needs to chill. he can’t serve the papers now b/c christmas is around the corner so this should wait till next year. no need to ruin the woman’s christmas. of course after that comes valentine’s day so hmmm. it’s messy and i would likely run myself but to be honest, it is very possible the guy is being honest and intends to officially divorce. trust him if you want. that one is up to

  84. NNENNE

    December 4, 2013 at 2:38 am

    Seun cannot make a decision/ act fast because he has the best of two worlds . Mary should break the relationship . That will make him do some serious soul searching and decide what he really needs.

  85. HOPE

    December 4, 2013 at 4:02 am

    ask for a transfer or pray for his transfer.

  86. Pynk

    December 4, 2013 at 6:55 am

    Is this a case of low self esteem? Because the mere fact she is waiting for a man to leave someone else for her is ridiculous. If he ever leaves another woman for u, be very afraid. Thats something that women need to realize! The worth u place on urself is what determines the type of treatment u get from others. Mary has presented herself as a doormat, seun is gladly treating her as such. A man who wants you will stop @ nothing to get you! That the simple truth of the matter.

  87. Prime babe

    December 4, 2013 at 10:40 am

    i didn’t read any of the comments in my hurry to add my own. lol. It happened to me. They had only lived together for a couple of months and there were no children though- (stupid me shey :)……I always got different stories of different lawyers who were working on it (the divorce). anyways it got to a point where he would almost snap at me when i asked how it was going…….after the relationship ended, I tortured myself for months on end on how i had been used by a married man, and it didn’t do anything for my self worth or self esteem. my advise? make sure he completes anything before going any further in the relationship

  88. Prime babe

    December 4, 2013 at 11:21 am

    Infact, if possible, cut it off and let him sort out his issues. who knows, he might never sort it out. And please free your heart for other people. In my own case they NEVER stayed together , had been separated for about 4 years and i didn’t know he was ever married till we started dating (how would you have expected a 23 yr old to have even contemplated that?)

  89. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    December 4, 2013 at 11:30 am

    @whocares i think she covered it under “and everyone else i look forward to reading their comments” (winks)

    • whocares

      December 4, 2013 at 12:25 pm

      loool. ahh true. wait let me call off the hounds.. my girl was about to be in serious trouble for not including me o. loool.

  90. Marthilda

    December 4, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Im honestly not one to judge but in other to avoid hurting herself emotionally,i think its best she takes time off d relationship to really reflect. She needs to ask herself if she can bear waiting bcos she culd end up waiting years. Every lady’s breaking point isnt d same. She shuld apply wisdom, thats all. Its really not a nice thing to regret one’s decisions in life.

  91. Wisskid

    December 4, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    In 2011, my wife and I had issues that made her move out of the house. In that period, to get over the pain, I was seeing (rather not use “dating”) one of the smartest ladies I’ve ever come across. And she had a great smile. We clicked immediately but she was quite a very decent girl so no sex. But I was upfront with her… Unsolicited, I told her I was married but presently separated from wifey. In the course of time, feelings grew stronger on both sides till one day I “foolishly” told her I loved her (I really did). That changed everything. One day, she pops the question… “when are you going to divorce your wife?” I almost did a backflip. Cos I had told her much earlier I was trying to get my wife and kids back again. To cut a long story short, whatever feelings existed died during that conversation as I couldn’t just (and still can’t) comprehend another woman asking a man to divorce his wife and kids for her. Only a very fooooolish man would do so. We’re still friends but strictly friends. So Mary (and the other gals in similar circumstances), the moral of the story is that Seun is not as foolish as you think he is i.e. divorcing his wife for you. Even her nagging Seun as to if and when he will divorce his wife was enough to get him to rethink the matter. Seun (not Mary), please run fast….

    • Posh

      December 4, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      Hmmm….. See you have a point but why would you tell a woman you guys had feelings for each other, when you knew you had no intention of pursuing a relationship with her. She is the smart babe, asking you the question as to when you will divorce you wife. So, you were hoping she ll be the side chick, when you wife moved out? And when you weren’t getting action from her you decided to go back to your wife. Abeg, this your story get k-leg.

    • Two Shillings

      December 4, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      WORD!!!

  92. Light Angel

    December 4, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Mary and all the other ladies that “understand” what its like to love a “MARRIED MAN” You cannot begin to grasp the spiritual implications of sleeping with a married person.. Especially for the woman, Not only does

  93. tinkerbell

    December 4, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    Mary. Look out for yourself. Be smart. This is not love, it is lust. Check out God’s definition of love in the Bible. Google it. Maybe that will help you reason better. So you mean even if he leaves his wife and says he wants to marry you, you will agree. Have you no sense at all? Please, this is not hard. Cut the crap. This person wants to hurt and ruin your life and you are saying it is hard for you to leave him? Can you see fire and put your hand in it, unless of course you are crazy and/or under a spell? Please use the good brain God gave to you.
    When you crash and burn (because you surely will) you’ll have only yourself to blame. This is not about love (cos what you guys have is lust or infatuation). Love is about trust, honesty, integrity and commitment. Check yourself girl. Do not be a fool. No fool has a good testimony. And the do not get to be pitied either. Go to Jesus. Stay with him. And every other good thing will follow for you.

  94. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    December 5, 2013 at 8:12 am

    I have often wondered, what is it about one person that makes the heart soften and fall in Love? I mean we live, work, school, exist in proximity with other men/women but it just selects this one person to pine and hope for. Is it really true that we cannot help who we fall in love with? Why is that against all reasoning and common sense, the heart chooses to hold on to something that may inevitably destroy it? It would not let go until it is fully spent and then some. The heart wants what te heart wants, right?

    We need a little foolishness to fall in love. We need a whole lot of faith to stay in love. We need only our heads to tell us when to move on.

    • TA

      December 6, 2013 at 2:10 pm

      My darling I always wonder too as in this Love thing nor get formula sha.
      I still believe that the only love that is blind is infatuation,real love has eyes to see the truth and realise it for what it is like; that a man who is married but cheats with you is a liar and cheat. Ladies,is that who you really desire for a husband?

  95. The Mane captain (healthy hair & skin tips)

    December 5, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    the fact that the wife is commiting adultery shows that she shouldn’t be with him. He will do the same thing to you if and thats a huge IF you both end up together. No woman should hope or wish for someone’s marriage to break up. Regardless of how soon he married the woman, im sure there’s a reason why he chose to be with her. Please aunty seun, I say go and find yourself a proper single man with the right sense.
    themanecaptain.blogspot.ca

  96. daiva

    December 6, 2013 at 8:44 am

    to me what I think is that she is not in love instead lust and that Mary has not found her soulmate yet in other for her to find a soul mate she has to quit and stay focus because the right guy is there waiting for her

  97. Yetty

    December 6, 2013 at 10:28 am

    My dear Mary, I was in such situation not long ago. The guy is actually abroad while I am here in Naija. I dated him for like five months (I guess) but at some point I had to come to my senses and flush out all other sentiments. I told him that I had to leave but he kept begging and asking me to stay. One part of me missed him so much but that silent voice that you struggle to keep out of your life kept telling me I was doing the right thing by calling it off. We had some off and on scenarios. Whenever he went back to his legal wife, the pain and sorrow that filled my soul was indescribable! It was simply a torture! So right now, I have had to cut all forms of communication with him and I am beginning to gain my sanity. My dear, sincerely speaking, you do not need to put yourself through that sort of torture because it is not worth it. You know what I kept telling myself? Even if he divorced his wife eventually, will I be able to marry him? Perhaps I would, maybe in the registry and traditionally but not in the church! Because my church will not wed us because divorce is not an acceptable norm! So I took solace in that fact and allowed him go his way, sort out his issues and also live his life. I must agree with you that it isn’t an easy process, but hey one must be ready to make that sacrifice to gain his/her sanity. Otherwise, you will loose your sanity.
    May God guide you in your decision and I wish you all the best.

    • tinkerbell

      December 7, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      Good for you!

  98. Wilhem

    December 8, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    She must just leave..find herself an unattached man and get
    on with his life. Seun just needed a distraction while he cleared
    his head. The wife will always be in a bad space mentally, and with
    the father having died..if that is true, she will be in an even
    more fragile state..So Mary, take the Nike’s that people are
    willing to borrow you AND BOLT!

  99. Muma

    December 8, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    Hey babe! Have been there before…was naive when I got into it, dated him for 4yrs…they were actually separated but not divorced. It’s the common lies with “most London Men” trust me. Guess what, he is back with his wife and they are living together as husband and wife…fastforward 3yrs later am just planning to get married next year to a single and the best man have ever met….So my dear, do not listen to his cock and bull stories…move on with ur life you can do better than him.

  100. Eerinmide

    December 19, 2013 at 4:22 am

    She needs to cut her losses and not just walk… RUN away. Men are not like that… He would not leave the mother of his children. There would always be excuses. For the next fifteen years, there would be excuses. I’m a serious feminist and sometimes men irritate the hell outta me because one thing I’ve done is study them. Even wrote a paper on their species. He won’t leave his wife. At least not for her. Same way, TuFace would still have another child.. And it won’t be with Annie. Toddles xx

  101. Ajibike Akinlose

    December 20, 2013 at 5:55 am

    Cut her losses and walk, even if he eventually gets a divorce he would be making the 1st mistake he claimed to have made with his ex wife “rushing into things”

  102. WhoSaysItsEasy

    December 22, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    You know, I’ve seen somethings on here that imply u cn jus switch off ur emotions n move on from a person or relationship… that’s so untrue. well, except it wasn’t love to begin with. (let’s mk one thing clear, there’sno way on earth I wud applaud cheating in any kinda relationship).
    One thing is certain, the only way to go about this is not to get involved in d first place. Feelings are hard to get rid off… I know dt first hand as I’ve been in relationships myself. but in a situation where u found out a bit later, pls, jus scurry on quickly, lying for affections and loving under false pretenses shud be a capital offence. It’s scary esp wen u realize there isn’t any1 to fall bk on, but once u actually start having a life, u’d realize u dnt need any one particular person to mk u feel like u think u deserve to feel. There’s an order to which this is done… have a good cry, sulk, cry, pull d curtains bk and finally let sm sun in… read ds http://bleudiaries.blogspot.com/2013/11/relationshiprealtalk-when-you-cant-get.html?m=1 helped me move past my own fears of letting go n moving on… atlst it helped. #ThankMeLater!

  103. oj

    December 22, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    leave another woman’s husband alone, mary. what God has put together, let no mary put asunder.

  104. The Intellectual

    February 28, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Mary, dear Mary, why are u so dumb???? Tell me now that u have not heard stories like this before? why have u now carried ur “korokoro eyes and walked into fire? eh? ok o
    This guy would never ever leave his wife. and even if he does, is this wat u want to turn urself into? and young and as beautiful u are, with all you have to offer with the morals i am assuming ur parents placed in u with al your youth and freshness its a divorced man u want to follow, a man who cheated with you on his wife. Marriage is not a abed of roses. There would be times u and ur spouse would feel unhappy with each other, shay u know that at that point if u are married to him he ll also cheat on u and promise marriage to the other woman too. Its obvious his wife doesnt want to let him go, so u also want to be the one responsible for another woman’s happiness? to allow their child to be brought up in a broken home? we have all at one point loved but had to walk away because that love would destroy us. look at our parents generation and look at those of them whose marriages are very very bitter and have horrid endings most of them were based on bad foundations like the one u are building now. The mental institutions are filled with women who have been dealt with by men in one form of the other (no joke). Be strong, Be wise, Be honourable and walk away from this child of the devil who has been sent to ruin ur future and prevent u from ending up with the man that u are destined to be with. Any man who keeps u up at night wondering what exactly u are doing and where exactly this would lead is not for you.

  105. miss Balerina

    March 1, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    i honestly thing mary should walk away and try and move on with her life if the guy truly loves her like he claims then he will come back to her.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa


Star Features

css.php