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Nkem Ndem: Basic Rules of Being a Lagos Side Chic

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Nkem NdemThe idea of the “side chic” sounds cliché and utterly revolting, especially to Lagos women who have had to deal with the dilemma in their relationships. You most probably clicked on this article because you found yourself in complete disbelief after reading the title as you thought: Why on earth would anyone even give these tramps, that should be severely ignored, any form of recognition? Who is the fool that thinks there are any benefits to being a side chic, so much that they feel it is okay to offer them guidelines and rules to success?

To be clear, it is not my intention to idolize the position of the side chic, nor suggest in any way that it is a role to strive for; I am not Shonda Rhimes. But then, there is no denying that we live in a city where most men consider having a woman without a side chic same as having a meal without a drink (it just does not make sense) So, too many people have grown comfortable with the idea of a man having a side chic or even a side guy.

In my opinion, it is complete BS! No one should have to be in a position where they always come in second place. Every single girl is worthy of someone who will make them a priority and stay committed to them. However, I am willing to play the devil’s advocate to ensure that these girls, who have chosen or discovered that their destiny in life is to fulfill the role of girlfriend number two a.k.a side chic, have the right guidelines to charter their cause.

No need to turn your nose up at me either! Truth be told, there are plenty of women in our fabulous city who go along with this dynamic…and let’s face it, almost every woman has been a side chic at some point in time. Some of us became side chics accidentally, while others dabbled into it either for the thrill, to kill time, reduce loneliness, avenge a friend’s act of wickedness, prove their love to the guy with the hope that he will eventually choose them or just for the ratchets. So, for every side chic in Lagos who has refused emancipation, read on to learn the basics rules you need to observe to become the perfect side chic.

Understand your place in the universe
In life, there is the good and the bad, and no matter how much you try to avoid it, some people will have to take on the ugly roles that life dishes. As a side chic, you are one of those who get one of these dreadful roles. You need to accept the part you have chosen to play and be content with it …or, at least, try to deal with it. Understand and be comfortable with the fact that you are not his main chic or wife. He will never compromise his marriage/relationship for you. You will never be the priority. You have no control of his life and you will never get the level of intimacy you crave with him.
Realise that you will not be able to contact him any time you wish to. His attention will be rationed, and at some point, you may have to deal with a cat fight or even death threat from his significant other. Do not interfere with his plans; ensure that you always go with his flow. The best you can get from him are sex, money, gifts and a few laughs. You are a side chic, nothing more…nothing less. Understand that and have your peace.

Keep it all under wraps
As much as you enjoy being the side chic, you do not want to be shamed for it. Ensure your meetings are clandestine and paroles coded. Stay away from public places and keep your relationship away from the social media. Aside from reducing chances of getting caught, going out or showing coded affection on the social media opens doors for emotional attachment and a false sense of entitlement, and those two always lead to strong feelings. The strong feelings then fan your side chic dreams, turning them into main chic ambitions… and you do not need all the craziness that comes with that. Keep all contacts to phone calls only. Stay away from his social media pages, do not tag him on Facebook, tweet him or regrann his posts on Instagram.
No matter how loyal you are to him or how strong you think you are, you will not be happy when you see another woman (his main girl) getting all the attention you should be getting on his social media walls. You also do not want him messing up your social media game by creating suspicion around you with so many tags and tweets. If possible, block him from your social media pages. You reduce chances or being traced and protect yourself that way.

Do not involve your heart or fall in love with the man
This is the easiest rule to remember, but the hardest rule to follow. To be the successful side chic, you must have your heart locked away somewhere so far the man cannot reach it, because if you want to stay sane throughout the ‘situationship’, you cannot fall in love with him or give him the opportunity to pull at your heart strings, no matter how much he persists or how nice he seems to be. Never take him seriously and do what it takes to keep it that way, whether you share the same interests, he ‘gets’ you and is easy to talk to or is her is super caring and generous. No doubt, making love to him over and over again may get you feeling intimate and close to him, but you have to find a way around it and stop your feelings before it consumes you.
In fact, do not show him any love outside of the bedroom. You show him love, you show him weakness. You may think that your case will be the different one where he will fall in love with you too and you will end up together in the end. Yes, it happens, and you probably even know someone who was in your position and things all worked out in the end, but…realize that that is the exception to rule. Statistically, you are more likely to be the rule, and you will get your heart broken.

Do not contact the main girl or his other women
You are a side chic. You know this. You knew when you took up with him that there was already someone in the Number 1 spot, yet, you chose to stay.
You also know, deep inside, that he probably has other women who, like you, chose to stay with him. Do not expect the position of the Number 1 chic, (as well as the other chics)to change just because you developed feelings and now you want him to be yours alone. Do not go contacting the others out of jealousy or in the bid to carry out a fruitless plan to get rid of them. Think about it; even if “wifey” or main girl were to leave, opening up that main slot, you are unlikely to get promoted to the position. Even if you do, you leave your position open for others. It’s an unending battle really. How do you even identify yourself when you contact them? “Hey, this is Folake. I’m Nnamdi’s… uhm…” or “You need to leave Ifeanyi alone because he is my….” Please, what are you to him, really? Ask yourself and take a seat biko. If you have any issues with the other women in “your” man’s life, take it up with him and let the others be.

Do not invest in the relationship
As the side chic, realize that you are on borrowed time and it is all temporary. No cheat (yes, that is what you are) has ever successfully gotten away with cheating. No matter how well you cover your steps, you will either get caught at some point and have to end it; he will get tired of you and move on; or you will get a brain and get your life together.

Kill all expectations you may have and keep in mind that you will forever remain the side chic. Do not invest any part of you: emotions, finance e.t.c on him. Do not give him your money or open a joint account with him. Even if you let him live off you with the hope that he will choose you, realize that you are only making a fool of yourself as he will never really love you for who you are. He will surely leave once the money stops flowing…and why would you even sponsor any man who keeps you as a side chic?

Always use protection
Like my sister would say: To be forewarned, is to be forearmed. The man whose conscience is seared enough to keep you as a side chic will not flinch over giving you an STD or worse HIV or Hep C. Do not be in denial, you know it, if he is sleeping with you while he has a wife or main girl, chances are he is sleeping with others and possibly having random one night stands, and he may not be using protection with them. Basically, you cannot vouch for his ‘ohlala’ as you do not know where and where it has been, so, you cannot afford a skin to skin rendezvous with him. Do not give him the benefit of doubt.
Protect yourself because you are all you’ve got! And if your plan is to get pregnant and give him the son he has been searching for, then you are digging a deeper pit for your fall. There is no guarantee that he will leave his woman or that she will leave him when you give birth to the child. Why risk it? Your situation is already bad enough.

It is no secret that being a side chic is so much more difficult than being the main chic. If you have chosen the role to play, the best you can do is give it your best while it lasts. If however you chose to go through it with the hope that you will eventually take first place, you may be in for a real shock…even if you apply the rules above. Chances are, the person you are with will continue to play you like a bunch of worn-out strings until you get a brain. If you ask me, being the single chic trumps being the side chic any day…or what do you think?

Have you had any experience as a side chic?

Let’s talk about it in the comment section.

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

86 Comments

  1. from experience

    April 4, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    Nkem,

    1. You are talking from experience abi? weldone

    2. When you are married and your hubby has a girl outside, dont complain okay?

    3. They should not fall in love but they should keep chopping the money abi?

    4. If you encourage side chi, why dont u encourage men having more than one wife

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 4, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      @fromexperience if you read the intro of my article, you will understand that my intention for this article is no way to encourage any side chick. Find yourself trapped in the role of aside chick is something that can happen to anyone and not everyone is strong enough to get out of the predicament. if anything, this article is meant to help them realize how bad their situation is and dissuade them from staying.

    • adeanon

      April 4, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      i’m sorry I disagree. You don’t dissuade them in any way. Giving of rules of engagement how is that dissuading. Adultery is just that .. Adultery. Please let’s not make it sound acceptable.

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 4, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      @Adeanon this article does not in any way suggest that adultery is acceptable. Please peruse carefully.

    • Lagos is my home

      April 5, 2016 at 1:44 am

      Sorry but i found the headline too distasteful to even read the article ……moving right alone. It should never be a trend or worth writing or reading about

    • Gillian H. Hill

      April 4, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      At from experience – come on, the article was clearly written tongue in cheek.

    • A Realist

      April 4, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      Nkem my dear. Bella Naija commentators are judgmental, hypocritical and narrow minded. This write up was bound to be misinterpreted.

  2. glow

    April 4, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    Lagos side chic, you say? So the rules don’t apply to side chics in other places? Misleading title.

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 4, 2016 at 5:49 pm

      @glow, I chose the title for the article because I specifically wrote it for side chicks in Lagos City. Of course, it could apply to side chicks in other places too, they are free to benefit from it as well.

  3. tako

    April 4, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    Good advice Nkem but remember that sometimes when the side chick gets pregnant before the main chick it could throw a spanner in the works. This anomaly could favour the side chick or at least destroy the relationship- sample – Amatas, Ayida’s. Side chick could stand a chance when it is a level playing field pending the decision making process -sample Idibia’s, Flavor, Wizkid? When the main chick is actually the side chick – sample Ademinokans and Chikere’s. I could go on. These your rules do work but we live in a complicated world with a lot of grey areas.

    • abi

      April 5, 2016 at 1:42 am

      My theory is if he’s a boyfriend and not a husband then he’s fair game. I met a guy and within a week we knew we had something worth exploring. I knew he had a girlfriend and i started dating him and I figured she’d let go of him as we spent a lot of time together. I’m not sure that he ever officially ended things with her but as he went 2 months without seeing her (she yelled this down the phone to me) i assumed self respect and the status quo would take charge but she never let go. Even 2 years later. I’m not denying that he probably still sleeps with her as she’s a familiar and readily available. But what I want from this relationship for now I’m getting so it’s not an issue for me. Anyway my point is ultimately the difference between a main and a side chic is a guy’s choice, fair or not. Love cannot be forced. And I never for a minute felt like a bit on the side. I have moved on from relationships where the man has met someone else. And I have left a man for another.

    • randommer

      April 5, 2016 at 2:44 am

      Thanks for sharing. I just have two questions for you

      Why didn’t you ask him to break up with his gf first before dating him
      Why do you have no expectation of fidelity from him

      I guess maybe a last one – a bf makes a commitment to be faithful to his gf just as a husband does to his wife, why do you think both are different?

  4. trudy

    April 4, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    You dont have to be ashamed of being a side chic? I’m lost. Is it a trend now?

    • dazyy

      April 4, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      LOL….Side Chic nicely put Nkem..Please refer to ..street Lingo *ashewooooooo*..
      Rephrased Title: Basic Rules of being a Lagos “Ashewo”….Bye Felicia

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 4, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      No one is saying it is a trend. it is just something that is prevalent in our society now. My words : “As much as you enjoy being the side chick, you do not want to be shamed for it” is mainly directed to girls who actually set out on their on to play the role. It clearly implies that people will put anyone to shame the moment they discover the person is a side chick…and no one likes to be put to shame, not even a proud side chick.

    • Hint

      April 5, 2016 at 8:30 am

      @Nkem Your article is spot on but as usual people don’t like to hear the truth of what’s happening around us. But you also didn’t point out the fact that some girls are side chicks unknowingly. There is this guy that I know he had three girlfriends back then. Two he was in the same uni with and one was in another uni and we thought she was the ‘iyawo’. The other two girls knew each other and I’m sure they were both not sure where they stood cos he treats them both well. In school then we used to try to get to know the one that got the better gift during Valentine blabla cos we knew which was the ‘iyale (the one he started dating first)and the iyawo(which we would automatically term the side chic). Lol. Well, today he is married to the side chic. There are no rules in this relationship thing. Just be focused and if you know u can’t handle knowing your boyfriend is seeing someone else then u take a walk and free yourself of unhappiness. Either you are the main chic or the ignorant side chic.

  5. Moyo

    April 4, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    I think it would have been better for her to write an article on how to avoid being a side chick. Rules ke, Odikwa risky, The side chick should pray that the main chick or wife is not a mad woman because the beating the side chick will get will pass that of a robber,

  6. Ladybird

    April 4, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    side-chicks (esp those who know what they are doing) are as evil as witches themselves.. they don’t deserve our attention or this post!

    • Nene

      April 4, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      Seconded!

    • Tea

      April 4, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      My dear most chicks don’t even know they are side chicks.
      Ladies in long distance relationships, abeg always be at alert.
      My dear I was unknowingly a side-chick to a guy for 2whole yrs. I found out when a friends friend informed me my boo was getting married in 3mths. I almost ran mad.
      We were living in different continents, we wld visit back and forth,met his folks, sistas etc. I even always stayed with him in his sisters house when he was around in Naija. Dis woman will cook for me, entertain me. call me “our wife”. Little did I know.
      Believe me a lot of girls are soooo unaware, they are side-chicks.

    • Hint

      April 5, 2016 at 8:31 am

      You’re so right.

    • Joshua

      April 5, 2016 at 10:55 pm

      @Tea If you knew @the time that you were a side chick, you won’t stick to these rules. would you?

    • omg

      April 14, 2016 at 5:23 pm

      What was his name?? Just give first and last letter so I can laugh at myself if it’s the same guy (in the past so I can laugh at my mistakes now)

  7. anonymous

    April 4, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    This rules dont work.side chicks have become main chicks.life is funny and complicated.

  8. Las

    April 4, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    I am always surprised when we get our knickers in a twist over ‘side-chics’ aka (in some climes) 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife. I am not glorifying this practice, all I am saying is if a man’s great-great-grandfather had multiple wives, his great-grandfather had 5, his grandfather had 3, and his father was the local champion in terms of bedding women, how would one expect him to be monogamous?

    It takes only the grace of God to shake certain habits or generational practices and where there is demand, supply will always find a way. Maybe if the men stopped looking outside, the phenomenon of ‘side-chicism’ will end? Maybe.

    • Drknite

      April 4, 2016 at 7:03 pm

      Preach Las, Preach! Amen!

    • Biker Chic

      April 5, 2016 at 12:24 am

      AKA My father in law, telling my mum that he had 11 wives. I hv told his son, the day l find out he is shagging anyone but me is the day he chops rat poison. How he managed to raise such a decent son in the mist of all that chaos is baffling.

  9. Haliyah

    April 4, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Hehehhehehehe….she was been sacarstic nah????

    • Debbie

      April 4, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      Seems we are the only ones that noticed that!

  10. Stara

    April 4, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    If you read the article she actually tells the side chic that she has no place and no position in that relationship
    However, I understand why many people are upset. So MANY Nigerian men are abusing their rubbish position from Patriarchy by disrespecting and cheating on their wives/partners and neglecting their children and partners in the process. This is something we should NEVER discuss or rationalise if not in a condemning and tone. If it’s not to condemn the men’s actions or the women’s decision to make another woman sad, maybe we shouldn’t discuss it at all. Too many people have been hurt by cheating partners or absent fathers for this article to sit well with many. Nkem and others, take note. Some things are too personal to be discussed rationally eg abuse, cheating, homosexuality.

    • Ladybird

      April 4, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      I completely agree!

  11. Stara

    April 4, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    And next time, as this is a blog where many women are feminists or at least have a strong sense of self outside gender roles, try making such articles more balanced. Avoid absolving the cheating men of the blame, afterall, it is them, not the mistresses, that owe the wife fidelity and respect.

  12. Amaa

    April 4, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    Guys !!!!!!! Read the disclaimer . It’s an article written and focused on a city which the writer lives in . It is neither her personal experience maybe people arround her or observation.
    She is saying that being a side chick in Lagos has its perks as long as you play by the rules. Why do you think women are content doing it does it have any thing to do with self worth or is it greens or uwa nmebiii as my Ibo brothers will say. However you look at it you have to have a long spoon to dine with the devil but if you don’t you you will get burnt. forget all the juju and voodoo that women use to get men these days as all things gotten illicitly it will expire and one day the man will walk away and back to thaw one who has his heart

  13. Olu

    April 4, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    side-chickensimn is OK but the guys that patronize them are the devils…………………

  14. Attention Seeking 101

    April 4, 2016 at 6:01 pm

    Obviously this writer is just looking for attention to put it mildly so in her books any publicity is better than none. Meanwhile that is how society keeps degenerating when people start promoting rubbish like this. Mschew

    • The Guy

      April 5, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Do shut up and face your work. Clearly you have no idea what tongue-in-cheek means and you’re blithely unaware of what it is to READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

  15. Hint

    April 4, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    She just spoke the truth right there. That’s the reality. But as humans we always live in denial and try to convince ourselves we are saints. I’ve been a side chick before and I never got myself into any mess because I was smart. The guy was even always complaining I wasn’t affectionate enough, as in really????? You have a girlfriend you are obviously taking home to mama. I was single, bored and lonely in my extra year in the uni. He was a medical officer. So guy please!!! I liked him a whole lot but also constantly reminded myself it’s not real and that resets my brain when I start to get mushy mushy. And he was such a great guy. Conversation wise, loving, very interested in my wellbeing socially and academically, always on time, very prompt and pro active any girl could have gotten carried away with that. His ex side chic did. Lmao. And I know cos I met him at her place. PS; I think he knows how to play the game well. Don’t mind me I was very bored and cared less. Oops! Anyway, I’m happily married with kids and he’s no more with the main chic. They are both very single.

    • Drknite

      April 4, 2016 at 7:08 pm

      Finally a true and honest person. May God bless you for confessing and sharing the details of your side chicking years. You make the world go round.

    • Ona

      April 4, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      I pray ur husband will also have strings of side-chics who are “bored” and “lonely” just like u were. He will also be all these great things to them and spend more time, affection, care and money on them too. Happily married my ass. U want to be happily married but u were busy choppinganother woman’s happiness with eyes-wide open. Tbh, i am startig to feel less sorry for u nigerian married women moping and crying over their randy hubbies neglectig them and cheating on them. U people will commit during ur single days at the detriment of another woman, but expect for ur own men to do right by u? Perhaps its karma that is hunting all u ex-side-chics. This life is turn-by-turn…ur own will surely come too.

    • Hint

      April 4, 2016 at 10:21 pm

      Miss Ona why the curse??? The guy wasn’t married open your eyes read well and assimilate. How sure are you the guy you’re dating now is not dating anyone else that’s if u have one. Don’t be a sadist and hater. I only said the truth about what’s going on in the society that people like u refuse to accept. Bless your heart boo. Ps: my husband is not perfect and he’s also not a womaniser.

    • Sti

      April 4, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      Ona!!! Why so shallow??? Where did she state that the guy she dated was married. You’re obviously single and no toaster. Sorry ehn. Don’t worry your man will come.

    • abi

      April 5, 2016 at 1:51 am

      How is a boyfriend a woman’s happiness? Where is the commitment? The vows before God? The legal bindings? Men don’t think like this o. That’s why they are currently running relationships in Nigeria.

  16. Anonymous 1

    April 4, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    The writer clearly doesn’t support being a side chic. But should you find yourself there, before you get yourself a brain, ensure you stick to these rules.

  17. SAO

    April 4, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Hahahaha! Let me gist you. A friend’s friend wanted her sugar daddy to get her a similar ring to his wedding band so that when they go out on dates she’ll be very comfortable and not get the odd stares. I didn’t make this up I swear! Girls are insane!

  18. na wa!

    April 4, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    Aunty calm down. If you had sense, you would realize that this is just an article to ridicule the whole idea of side chicks. I don’t see anyone promoting anything. Why so small minded? It is not that serious. Stop the beef jor. Why discourage people who have the audacity to write about the unique aspects of the society? Kmt

  19. jay

    April 4, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    @HINT thank you for being real, so many of these writers may even be side chicks without knowing it, only the smart ones ever survive it.lets face reality it is the men we should blame not the ladies

  20. Naomi

    April 4, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Lol thanks for another poignant yet funny article. Can’t have all these side chicks thinking they can just come in and upset all the hardwork some of us have been putting in for an eternity. The affrontry of it all. Haha

  21. Drknite

    April 4, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    These are some sound and timely advice Nkem, especially the part about getting pregnant. Too many times these side chicks are thinking they can trap a dude by having a baby.
    Also another piece of advice for side chicks, please do not call the man on holidays, like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and so on. Holidays are reserve for the wife, main chick and legitimate children.
    Someday, Lord willing, your time will come and you will be the main chick having to fight off side chicks. Just be patience and enjoy the side chicking years.

    • Uckety

      April 4, 2016 at 8:21 pm

      Uckety uckety uck! I broke rule #1 over the Easter weekend. Damage control mode.

      By the way, all you sanctimonious ars*wipes should control shift please.

    • teal

      April 4, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      Did you mean ctrl at del??

  22. Aliu Semako Bisiriyu

    April 4, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    Lol. Just lol. Preach.

  23. Nnamdi

    April 4, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    Nkem, from the way you write, the flow, the rhythm… it is apparent that you are a very intelligent person and funny too. You cannot expect everyone else to understand or grasp your wit, so I hope all these peeps yapping anyhow do not get to you. I look forward to your articles…and not just the ones on BN. Kudos!

  24. OmoJesu

    April 4, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Nkem thank you. If you are trying to dissuade these girls like you said perhaps the title should read something like, “Side Chic, Side Kick: How playing to the side destroys homes and the nation” I can understand your brave intentions, however it comes across as condoling the behavior. Hence I’m afraid it propagates a paternalistic, chauvinistic, and selfish mentality that limits all of our potentials as a society from the girls to the men. Secondly there are women who this message will traumatize and since Bella Naija is for all people and not only side chics it is almost inconsiderate to write this piece is such a condoling way. Lastly in a way this also sends a message to younger girls – are we saying it is ok? I don’t believe in media censorship but I do think as a country with a lot of economic gap we should prioritize our journalistic focus and I’m not sure this should be at the top for these reasons; side kicking promotes economic hardship for dependents, incurable diseases, mental health issues, physical, verbal, and financial abuse, time mismanagement, lack of intergrity, abuse of power and privilege to name a few.

    • Hint

      April 4, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      If she caregorically states it’s okay or not okay do you think it changes anything? People do what they want to do, girls do what they want to do. Did u not live in the hostel in uni. When u have a roommate and all the other roommates clearly warns her against dating a particular guy and she still sneaks around with the same guy. Let’s be realistic people. We are all strong minded and go for whatever we want especially ladies. The truth and fact in the article states ‘if u choose to be a side chick be smart at it and don’t cause chaos for yourself. Otan!

  25. kristy

    April 4, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    Thanks ma.

  26. angelbimsee

    April 4, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    Come to think of it. This write up is actually an advice. A superb sarcasm and taunt to the females who have left dignity and honour to bash themselves to a life of eternal second best in d hands of a man who sees them as just part of the works.

  27. Emerald

    April 4, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    No matter the advice given to the side chic, when God says your time is up you will be caught. You may think that you are smart and fast but you are not smarter or faster than God.

  28. Krasavitsa

    April 4, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    Some people need to calm down and re-read the article. Nkem already issued a disclaimer and made her stance on side-chickism clear. Whether she wrote this article or not, there will always be side-chics/guys. Just as married men will not leave single ladies alone like kilode??? Almost every girl I know in this Abj is seriously dating a married man. One even complained that her guy bought his wife a Range and all he gave her (side-chick) was some chicken change (this chicken change is over 500k oh). This rule definitely applies to the girl. Like how can u expect someone’s hubby to buy you a gift that’s almost as expensive as that which he bought his wife??? No juju should be that strong abeg. Ahn! Is the wife’s god is dead? I’m not innocent too sha, I was once a side chic (it was intentional) to a guy that was my side-guy. Now we’re both each other’s main-pieces. 😉

    • Kras bf

      April 5, 2016 at 8:30 am

      Krasavita, so you are in Abuja?
      All your friends do, what are you waiting for?
      Lets date then 🙂

  29. Noms

    April 4, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    Comprehension is key.
    She is saying if you find your self as a side chic , the following should help you survive until you decide to get a brain to know that there is “almost” nothing for you. I said “almost” because I know side chics who became main chics-wives.
    Kudos, Nkem

  30. Bose

    April 4, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    It’s amazing that some people cannot get the point of this well-written article by Nkem despite that fact that she took great pains to explain the premise of her article. I don’t think many of the people commenting bothered to read the article at all to realise that any side chic reading this would reconsider being one based on all the constraints and pitfalls she identified. It seems that we are a people that feel the need to make normative and judgemental statements and once that is missing anything said goes over our heads. Nkem, please don’t be discouraged by the comments, some of us get you.

    • Joshua

      April 5, 2016 at 11:14 pm

      @Bose: Very soon, someone will be advising on how to be coolheaded as a terrorist, just because it’s the reality we now face.

  31. B.S

    April 4, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    I don’t understand how the sarcasm in this piece escaped alot of you commenting, even with the disclaimer at the beginning?if you are a sidechic,none of the rules here makes you feel better about what you are engaged in,if nothing it makes the fact that you are a side piece even more glaring and who likes to be second fiddle?

  32. Chi

    April 4, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Sometimes you commenters make me sick ! If something does not apply or you don’t agree keep it moving. & stop acting like this is new and your cousins , friends & moms don’t participate . In Lagos , yea sure Bye Temi ( Felicia ) !!!

  33. Nene

    April 4, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    Wow *opens mouth* women! Women! Tufia

  34. Sunshine

    April 4, 2016 at 8:52 pm

    My challenge is with the energy we expend on focusing on these definitions versus the root cause of infidelity in the first place. In my life experiences I have come to realise that side dish or main dish makes no difference to the one consuming. If you are in a relationship with a someone you are aware has multiple partners and you keep consoling yourself with at least I have the ring or I’m the one with picture on dp, then you are just as delusional as the others on the menu. The reality is your partner has as little respect for you as the next one. Let’s stop this primitive line of thinking where we focus on shaming fellow women and acknowledge who the real enemy is: your partner! We lie to ourselves as women when we think if I can get rid of this one, he will be faithful, when deep down we know that its easier to confront her that him. Stay woke sisters….

  35. Emmy

    April 4, 2016 at 9:25 pm

    Please, we should be careful with what we give and take in because what we constantly hear and see, gradually becomes embedded into our subconscious and we start accepting things and they become the Norm.
    Saying someone is real and honest because she is telling a story of her side chick days is not just the best.
    May God help us all.

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 4, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      @ Emmy, certain things in life that are regarded as evil or distasteful have become almost unavoidable as they have pervaded our society. Rather than sit and stifle our opinions with the fear that airing them would authenticate the situation as a norm, we should actually tackle them and work towards curbing their maturity by addressing them. Please note that I did not tell the story of my side chick days in this article as they are non-existent. You may want to read again. 🙂

    • Emmy

      April 5, 2016 at 12:02 am

      Oh no Nkem, I wasn’t referring to you personally.
      What you said could work though.

  36. Taurus

    April 4, 2016 at 11:33 pm

    I was hoping someone would talk about this side chic thing sooner or later lol
    So I’m a 23 years old Model living in Lagos …… Educated , Stylish ,Very beautiful , can cook properly ! …etc. I’ve never had a single guy go past ” come by tonight ” you look like sex,”when I’m I seeing you ” , etc ” in like years ! (I don’t post twerking videos on social media btw)The only men that have treated me like a queen , wth respect ,showed me any extra care asides my parents & Besty are either married or in a relationship . Now don’t judge me cuz I know some ladies understand where I’m coming from ! But from the comments here already , it seems most dunno the struggle or are just pretending to be holier than thou !
    I made a decision to avoid married men & men with baby mamas,GFs, Etc . So av been seeing this single guy for a while now .he does nothing for me asides asking me to cook , play with his hair , be available when his horny . Now he has gotten me pregnant .he hasn’t spoken to me since I told him lmao …. It was his bday a few weeks ago , his friends have the audacity to Ask me why I didn’t wish him and gift him ?!!! Madness!
    I’ll have a man who is concerned about my wellbeing married or not! Over this bullshit ! I’ll keep praying for the single guys I meet to see the greatness in me while I do my best to improve on myself .God forgive me ! Feel free to judge me ! ✌️

    • Such depravity?!

      April 5, 2016 at 2:27 am

      I can’t judge you o, Godforbid. Just do us all a favour please, when you get married, that is if you do, please invite your hubby’s side chick over and you best be cordial because, I mean you should “understand where she’s coming from”. As it were now your are about to become a single mother or an “arbotionist” whichever one and with this mindset of yours, you’d probably opt for 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife. Goodluck to you and your kind. It’s not your fault, it’s the low life married men who have zero regard for their lives and the lives of their families I blame. Married men are so sweet, married men are so nice, bla bla, you know why? Because they have a woman at home cleaning up their mess, sweating and building their lives for them, so they get to have time to be “so nice”. I wish Nigerian married women can up and leave their cheating husbands so the husbands and side chicks can be together. They deserve eah other with their lack of brain cells and no morals.

      Please do not envy side chicks that graduated to main chicks o, their lives are in pieces! Their hearts are always in their mouths because they don’t know when the “boo” would get a replacement and send them packing. Lack of trust everywhere. Plus the disease he can bring at any time. Please women if side chick replaces you be glad because you just dodged death and you can finally sleep in peace knowing nobody is cheating on you. Women please leave cheating husbands! Please! No, not all men cheat. There are men who value the word of God or just have a conscience and won’t even conceive the idea.

      Ladies go and work and stop depending on married men. Love yourself so any love a man provides for you would be a little extra not the main. Don’t give loneliness a chance, get busy, involved, etc so you won’t go with anything with a penis all in a bid to curb loneliness. Nope! I’m no hypocrite. I’m a Christian and adhere to the word of God, because if man doesn’t know, God will and I have to be right with my father up there. I have never dated any taken man, married o, has gf o, has fiancée, baby daddy o, never! I always do my thorough investigation before I commence any relationship and my radar is always functioning so not to miss anything. Madam side chick continue o, but please help us all and understand your hubby’s side chick when it’s your turn. Some people just continuously heap curses on themselves and their generations doing silly things. When things start going wrong in your life or children’s lives, you’ll start asking “who did I offend?” May God have mercy on you side chicks and the men that commit adultery thinking it’s their right. May it be well with all of you and may you never know the pain of the wives. My bible commands me to pray for those who do evil and do others bad. Let God be the judge. Goodluck!

    • Hint

      April 5, 2016 at 7:49 am

      Hmmm. All these comments are giving the vibes that 99% of guys are sane and date one girl at a time. Hmmmm. These things are actually deeper than all these comments. Girls are shying away from the truth. Okay let me tell u my story.When I started dating at the age of 16 I was out of uni the guy I dated had other girlfriends that he always denied of cos I was new in the game but friends told me he was just a cheater and a liar. All I could do then was to tell him I’m walking once I find out myself. I did eventually and walked. The only relationship I had after that lasted three years and I can tell u categorically it ended when he started sleeping with other girls. So some guys can be sane but it’s so rare. Fast forward to when I met my husband I stayed away from relationships because I was sure all the guys asking me out were either in a relationship or sleeping with one or two girls even some they call ‘she’s my best friend’. My husband and I grew up with the same mutual friends and he came straight to me through my family that’s the only reason I gave him a chance cos guy wasn’t playing. And baby girl, if not that he got my family involved straight up and he knew I had no problem walking out of relationships if it’s not favouring me he would have messed it up cos he’s a mister nice guy to ladies. To the guy that had a relationship and I still dated while i was in school, well. That was a wrong move but he was available and I was bored so I’m not apologetic and he also came to me I didn’t toast him he toasted me! He’s still my friend and he’s single cos the girl he was dating at that time remained his main chic for 12 years till she realised this is not the kind of man she will spend the rest of his life with cos he will always have a side chic. She knew all about his escapades while they dated. So sisters these guys are all randy. Just pray to God to give u one that has the fear and love for God. Kapish.

  37. The real dee

    April 5, 2016 at 12:51 am

    Side chics, how una dey? Keep up the good work. The beauty of life is that Karma knows everybody’s address. Third mainland bridge traffic can delay it, but one day, at the right rime, karma will knock on your door.
    If you like, run to MFM Prayer city, become a worker in church and do deliverance, Karma will be waiting at home when you return. It’s not a curse, Karma is just like that. It’s the law of return on investment, you reap what you sow.

    I remember the story of a woman who was to get married and on her wedding day, her groom told her he was no longer interested that he’s been seeing her friend who happens to be the chief bridesmaid. The chief bridesmaid had been ‘side chicing’ the husband to be. The woman almost ran mad and she wanted to die. Groom later went on to marry chief bridesmaid after sometime. Weeks later, both groom and chief bridesmaid died in an accident.

    Karma has a detailed and accurate address book. I see many former side chics claimimg they are happily married to the best man in the world and they are living the life, your own Karma is in Mile 2 traffic, it will soon reach.

    • Homa

      April 5, 2016 at 11:13 am

      What rubbish is this? So would you prefer for someone to make a lifetime commitment to someone they don’t love because of what people will say? Meanwhile the woman he loves is someone who he will get to see all the time? Your problem is that you don’t know the purpose of marriage… Most of you just see men as a provider so you feel slighted that the girl lost a source of income. If not did the bride really lose if she was relieved from what would have been a loveless marriage? For your information the couple may be in heaven now. You do not know the mind of God!

  38. swagg1

    April 5, 2016 at 1:56 am

    To be honest with ourselves, every woman has been a side chick at one point in time. The truth hurts but it is a fact., so ppl, stop being so self-righteous and give Nkem a break.

    • Queen

      April 5, 2016 at 5:53 am

      No, love. Not everyone has been a side chic. Stop the mediocrity. Or is it you trying to make yourself feel better from being a retired or current side chic. You don’t know everyone’s situation, you’re not God , so like I said , no love. Not EVERYONE has been a side chic.

  39. Ijebu Boy

    April 5, 2016 at 6:24 am

    Not one dude has commented… lmao… at least not obviously.
    I have said too much already. bye. lmao

  40. Mschew

    April 5, 2016 at 10:28 am

    When justifying nonsense, you will see people claiming it is “sarcasm”. You all should kontinu until the day you are at the receiving end.

    I usually click on BN links based on the comments count, for this article I can see it is basically the writer and Hint that boosted this count. Really shouldn’t have wasted my time.

  41. Ada

    April 5, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    I was once a side chick for almost 4years and I ended up being the wife… And no I didn’t get pregnant first. So circumstances differ , but you always have to make him feel way less important than you really think he is though ?. I’m not advising anyone to be a side chick oooo, especially if you are kin on getting married anytime soon…I always used to consider myself anti-marriage so he had to beg his life out before I succumbed.

    • anonymous

      April 12, 2016 at 8:09 pm

      Ofcourse now. Ibo girls,na una work slimy stealers

  42. KMT

    April 5, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    If you had a mind of your own rather than always following the crowd, you would be able too see that no one is justifying anything in this article. Take your negativity and small mind and gerrarahere jare.

  43. Mzphunby

    April 5, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    The real dee has concluded the matter.. Karma is a bitch, though it might delay for years it doesn’t forget. it comes when u least expect and u’v forgotten.

  44. ohlala

    April 5, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    OK. My own issue is this, why does the writer insist on calling the Penis “ohlala”. I’ve noticed this in her articles. Are you a child? Call a spade a spade Mbok. If you can’t say the name, d make reference to it.

  45. ohlala

    April 5, 2016 at 10:15 pm

    OK. My own issue is this: Why does the writer insist on calling the Penis “ohlala”? I’ve noticed this in her articles. Are you a child? Call a spade a spade Mbok! If you cannot say the name, then please do not make reference to it.

  46. Diva

    April 8, 2016 at 4:57 am

    This topic is absolutely distasteful and repulsive. A slap in the face to many women who are in miserable marriages and are being hunted by the fact that their husbands associate with so called side chics. I couldn’t get my self to read it because I’m just disappointed that BN would even consider this pos worthy! What’s the next topic coming up? How to be a successful cheat? Pls pls pls … not everything needs to make the headlines, let us be mindful of what we share!

  47. anonymous

    April 12, 2016 at 8:11 pm

    Juju? Llol

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