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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Love in This Cubicle




One fundamental thing you’re told in a writing workshop or training is “Write What You Know”. This comes on the heel of “Show Don’t Tell”. The idea is that you’re more comfortable writing about stuff that your consciousness and subconsciousness is immersed in. It is for this reason that I like to steer clear of writing about love , relationships and all the nuances attached to them. However, I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of office romance. You go to a new office, spot a hot guy/babe, start casing the mark for signs of possible challenges… and then, you ask her to lunch or coffee.

Since it wasn’t a subject I’m familiar with, I tweeted that I wanted to write about office romance and I wanted people to share their experiences on the subject with me. A BN reader nicely obliged and sent me an email with her experience. I don’t have her permission to quote her verbatim, so I’ll try and paraphrase as accurately as possible.

She dated her colleague, and for 6 months of the relationship it was all nice and kosher. Although they kept the relationship under wraps at work, they hung out over the weekend. When the relationship ended, her work place became a nightmare. Thankfully, he got another job and left. However, that wasn’t the end of it. Some months later, the guy was getting married and everybody at work was talking about the wedding.

The relationship lasted for two years, during which she had the joy of seeing her man at work every day.

As an ex-Greys Anatomy fan, I found the relationship dynamics on the show very interesting. While I was conscious of the fact that it was a TV show, I imagined that one had limited options when one spent 18 hours of the day with a certain set of people. The chances of romance brewing are very high, and as such it becomes difficult to stick to the rule of “Don’t take a dump where you eat”.

Someone said that one of the advantages of having your partner with you at work was the fact that you could have a quick sexual fix during the day – if you had a sudden itch. Someone also said that one of the advantages is that your partner gets your work situation and it makes for easier conversations after work. {Why can’t we just leave work at work, biko?}

Another element of dating in the work place is the ability to separate work life from personal life. In situations where you’re working closely with your boo, and she gave a crappy presentation. Does correcting her objectively creep into the bedroom later that night? Or if your boyfriend is your boss and in assigning tasks, he gives you the task that will have you crunching numbers late into the night…

Some offices have a standing policy against romance in the work place and if you are sure you want to pursue an amorous relationship, one of you has to start job hunting. In this tough economic climate, the love must be strong for that to happen. I’ve heard stories of how someone gave up her job at a Lagos bank because of her boo, and immediately she left, one babe started bringing coffee and biscuits to his table. No job. No man.

These streets are too tough!

Please share some of your office romance experiences with us – the pros, the cons, the whole 9 yards. Also, if you’ve just never been in an office where there was someone worth your attention, share that too. Also, if you’re studying, we can apply this to classmates and flatmates too (I think)

Have a fabulous and positive week ahead. Remember to stand strong, stand tall and try to add value to someone else’s life.

Special shout out to Z. who sent me that email. You rock!

Peace, love & cupcakes.


Photo Credit:

Atoke – Writer | Lover | Noisemaker. Twitter – @atoke_

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. oj

    May 19, 2014 at 11:08 am

    what? seriously, i’m the first comment? had a boss who was interested. not good for the workplace, believe me!


      May 19, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Lol @ what? Seriously, I’m the first to comment?

      To the topic; I did a post on this last week and while I’m quite averse to it , most of my readers had positive office-romance stories. A number of them said they met their hubbies at work. I also read that most office romances end in marriage so I guess it’s not all bad.

  2. Que

    May 19, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Never dated a colleague, but I rmbr having a huge crush on one tall handsome one frm my first day of resumption at a new job some yrs ago….I was sooo happy he turned out to be in my dept…..but nothing like such daily proximity and revelation of foul character to clear d crush frm my eye…. he was great eye candy but messed up everything else, just a privileged kid with nothing else…. fast forward a few months, his contract ended n he stayed in touch, n started asking for dates…..eventually hung out one night, after wch he tried his best to get me drunk whilst professing stupid love n yada yada yada…..probably in hopes of having his way with me….chai massive one chance! I emptied d bottle of drink, left him tipsy with a massive hard on! Omo ale!

    I never say never, cos I know people its worked out for-now married with kids……but I’d rather avoid it jare…

    • Derry

      May 20, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      LWKMD, Real omo ale, I like your style, bad chick

  3. Daisy

    May 19, 2014 at 11:37 am

    I’m not a big fan of the whole office romance. I’ve had a couple of colleagues show interest and I’ve also had interest in them but that was quickly nipped at the bud.I don’t think I could deal with the whole embarrassment if all doesn’t go well.

    Also sometimes you might have argued with your bf and work helps you take your mind off the issue, but in a case of dating a colleague, you have to deal with his annoying face all day. I think I’ll pass on that.

  4. sk

    May 19, 2014 at 11:38 am

    Am currently dating someone at my office and I must confess it’s not an easy task. We get at each other and I sometimes get jealous when he’s getting too close to his female boss. The relationship has its good sides cos we get to see each other often though we are in different branches and advise each other on different work issues. The other side of it is that no one knows about it and we’ve been on for two years drives me crazy not being able to showcase our relationship everywhere. Sometimes people even tease us that we r so close that why can’t we date, and I would just say ” never, God forbid…how can I date someone in the office ” meanwhile we r having something very serious. we have come to a conclusion of getting another job so has to make us move ahead in our relationship.

  5. Anike

    May 19, 2014 at 11:43 am

    LOL, i think its not the best idea. When you break up nko? How will the parties handle it?

    I remember working in a bank where my immediate boss in the customer service dept had just broken up with her long term bf who worked in marketing. It was crazy. The day shit hit the fan was when iv letters came out for his wedding soon after i got there. You can’t believe this girl went to meet the guy, slapped him, tore his shirt all sort of madness. If not that the MD of that branch was a lovely woman she would have been sacked, Instead they hastily transferred her to another branch at a kind of lower level. No man, job demotion again.

    • Yinks

      May 19, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      HAHAHAHAHAHAH! OMG! that must have been quite a show. eyah, i feel for the lady sha. personally i dont thik i can do it. could never date a classmate then not to talk of colleague now. my own reason is just i need my space. will i see u at work and at home too??? na mehn…

  6. Bleed Blue

    May 19, 2014 at 11:59 am

    No such for me. Met this tall, dark and handsome dude when I was 15. We got married after 10 years of dating. Where will office dating enter the matter na?

    Having said that…one Scottish colleague sent me an email asking if I was “happily in a relationship” as he’d really like to go on a date with me. I liked the question.
    Not just about being in a relationship, but being happily so.

    Anyway, I told the guy I’m very married and very happy. He said “Cheers and keep smiling”.
    Awwwwwwwwwww 🙂

    • Fashionista

      May 19, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Both parts of your two part story are just too cute!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 19, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      I know whose direction you can point him in … [and we both know I’m not speaking of myself]… 🙂

    • Idak

      May 19, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      This are the kind of toasting schemes i love. Simple and direct. Afterwards, swift withdrawal.
      No room for long long story.

    • Bleed Blue

      May 19, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      @Idak Hahahaha! Is this a subtle hint to Iyke…as per Mz Socially Awkward levels? Hmmm will I not start selling #TeamIdak and #TeamIyke t-shirts like this? I already know the one I shall be wearing 🙂

      @Mz S.A. Unfortunately this was a few years ago, Mr. Scottish has since moved on so I fitn’t point him in that sister’s direction 😉

      @Fashionista I know right? And your comment is cute too jare. E-hugs

    • Atoke


      May 19, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Me I’m batting for #TeamIdak on this matter oh! E be like Bros Iyke just wan use some kain kain ‘shangree’ on toh this matter. How much be t-shirt make I buy 52! Lol

    • Tru

      May 19, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      “Fitn’t” 😀 😀 😀 love our Nigezie slangs!

    • Ikido

      May 19, 2014 at 11:21 pm

      Hi Ms Socially Awkward 😉

    • sunshine

      May 20, 2014 at 8:48 am

      You people should leave isle for me o before I slap and tear somebody’s shirt.

    • sunshine

      May 20, 2014 at 8:50 am

      I meant Iyke

  7. wendy

    May 19, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    I am happily married to someone whom I met in the bank I was working. He was in another department . I had to leave the bank as a result of the marrigae but I kinda stayed on till I got another job(3 months after marriage ) .cos it worked for me does not mean it will work for everyone, just be sure of what you are getting into and for two mature God fearing adults,, breaking up( if necessary) should not be that embarassing even at the work place. Get your priorities right before starting the relationship. My opinion though

  8. Fabulicious

    May 19, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Atoke, thank you for this topic, This topic weakens me because I work in a sector where it’s allowed for you to have a relationship and get married so long as you met each other working there.That been said,I see how they all act and all and I am friends with some of them and believe me,I am not envious.Most of the women love to have regular private trips and do “me” things because they feel that they are working for their money and need to spend it. One looked at me when I was pregnant and said I have power,that so far as her husband knows that working here is stressful, the kid thing will have to wait a while.You would think that being close to each other helps but no,instead it creates this inner power tussle or quest for too much personal space. I will really love someone who is in a relationship and married to her colleague to sincerely say how they make it work.I will like to hear..

  9. Neo

    May 19, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    You cant pick who/where you fall, like everything else you just have to make the best of it. People date their classmates so why cant you date in the workplace if the office poilcy allows it?

    Been there, done that! Got the Tshirt. It didnt quite start as a hot and heavy romance (i wish) we jsut went from colleagues to close friends and it became something more along the line. Technically, we only see in the office when we make an effort cos we’re in separate buildings. It lasted for about a year, and it was beautiful when it was. We broke up and tried to stay friends but even that wasnt working so we’re on a cold turkey fast. I do worry about bumping into him and it being awkward but if you ask me I wouldnt change a thing cos the good was totally worth the bad!

    Would i date someone in the office again? Hell yeah! If he’s worth it.

  10. Iyke

    May 19, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Office romance has come to stay. We all know that proximity and similarity drive the bus. We spend more and more time at work and live in a culture where we are expected to be so devoted to our work environment 24/7. What do you expect? I think, the decision to date or not should be left for the person involved.
    Again, lets not forget that all relationships are complicated, BUT office romances present unique challenges in that you spend more time with your colleague and need to, simultaneously, manage the perceptions of other coworkers. The challenge is to find ways to best manage them since they make the work environment challenging to negotiate especially when these relationships break up.
    Are you ready to go through all these stress?
    For me, it just may not be worth mixing business with pleasure. So, it doesn’t make sense dating a colleague!I love my space and I can’t be free dating a colleague.

  11. Menoword

    May 19, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I had an office romance once – my boss knew about it and she thought we were a good fit; I knew his fam, he knew mine. He was a subordinate though, and although he was very mature about times when I had to correct him, I had to deal with snarky comments from female subordinates who maybe liked him – they always made a great show of moving away from him whenever I was around, making comments like “Let me leave before I get a warning letter o!” I also found out that he had been seeing another subordinate before we hooked up, and we had a period of her giving me a lot of attitude whenever I had to work with her.

    The relationship was nice, but it was too visible and honestly when it ended I realised it wasn’t something I would be willing to get into again.

  12. ushees

    May 19, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    i find it absurd, distractions here and there and not being able to give at least 85% output at work, always hiding keeping it a secret so others wldnt know its too much for me i wanna b free jare , i wanna tell my boo smthing he has lil or no knowledge about, of how my day went…bla bla bla. i hv a colleague that it worked out for nd shes married nw. they kept it a secret all thru. but her hubby had to leave eventually….

  13. ha

    May 19, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Somebody pls pray for me. I really don’t want to give up. Pls help me!

    • amara

      May 19, 2014 at 12:43 pm


    • Bleed Blue

      May 19, 2014 at 1:42 pm

      As in…..????????????????? To what angle shall we direct the prayer now?

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 19, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      Honey, I’m not sure what you’re referring to (whether it has something with this topic which Atoke has put up for us to all have a laugh about or something deeper and more serious). If the latter is the case, please receive my prayer that God stands in the gap to hold you up in a time your strength is failing. This fight (or struggle or trial) will not consume you, may there be a way out which leads to your victory, in Jesus’ name.

      Please, if you really are struggling with something, why don’t you send an “Aunt Bella” article to BN and maybe talking out loud about it plus getting people to weigh in with contributions, may help you get some perspective (and even useful counsel)? I honestly pray that it gets better, if this concerns a severe trial in your life.

    • adelegirl

      May 19, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      Awww… Mz Socially Awkward, you really are a nice person with a good heart. See how you just prayed and upheld this person with a very vague comment. I don’t know what Idak and Iyke are waiting for sef. Then they will now go and be writing anonymous stories that touch on LIB (where they will be royally cussed out LIBers stylee *evil laugh*) or send here to BN’s Agony Aunt when you get snapped up by one lucky guy. In fact sef, how do we know that they are worth this lovely lady’s affections. Well, Mz SA, I pray that your real life Prince finds you very very soon. 🙂

    • Bleed Blue

      May 19, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      @adelegirl You are so right about Mz S.A.
      I just read the post on Norway giving some money to help Nigeria with the #bringbackourgirls situation and lo and behold “ha” had also left a similar cry for help type of comment there.

      It seems this person is going through something major. I feel a proper guilt pang for trivialising, as in…see how I left a waka pass comment 🙁

      But not Mz S.A. She has discernment that made her throw it down with prayers and encouragement. God bless you sista! And as for “ha”, I second everything Mz S.A has said. Please, please and please keep your head up dear.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      May 19, 2014 at 9:42 pm

      @adelegirl, babes, too many people are tiptoeing around the edge of some dark chasm because they’re carrying heavy burdens they can’t share in person. It’s scary when you think of how alone human-beings really feel today, so that the facelessness of social media is a godsend when desperation is filling your head with the lie that nobody cares … May depression loose it’s hold on souls oh. If her request was genuine, may prayers for her sake be answered. Even if it wasn’t, may the prayers be answered for someone else out there.

      And God bless you richly for your kind prayers, too, oh. Ese, imela, nagode. I feel especially blessed by your generosity of good wishes in my direction… 🙂 🙂

      @Bleed Blue, nne, you have prayed for her there as well. I can only hope she came back to read our comments if there’s a serious situation in her life.

  14. KK

    May 19, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Yea! I got to have this mad crush on this babe in another department of same coy. Oh, we liked each other as friends first, then I made the deadly move of asking her out.. What I got from that action will be a 254 page experience if written. So, next time i see babe wey i like again for office environment, I go run!

    • chu girl

      September 10, 2014 at 11:28 am

      awwwwww………..pele, must have been humiliating….

  15. Blesson

    May 19, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    I had one cute office crush, the sight of this guy would wanna make me stay all day at work even when am done for d day.We never had the opportunity to talk cos we have diff supervisors but get d chance to smile at eachother either at d elevator or the lounge. His presence just gives me this strength from no where….#weirdo.. It was just a huge distraction but somehow I got a shocking news frm my cliques that he was an undercover gay when they knew I kinda like him, and which I confirmed frm my supervisor cos I do see them talk. They made fun of me but sincerely I didnt find it funny at all oh and was bittered lol, cos he was too decent, cute, smart to be gay… Fast forward hatred just enveloped inside me and everything ended.. but damn this dude was irresistible mehn.. #cuteness

    • pipi

      May 19, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      What a Waste!

    • chu girl

      September 10, 2014 at 11:30 am

      choi!!!!loool…..all dat “cuteness” wasted

  16. tbaby

    May 19, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    I’ve had office romance twice! 1st time I got the job for le boo and ended up getting transferred to his branch, we both fizzled out of work and love.The 2nd one was hot and steamy, we were in different buildings and kept coding even though it was allowed. Anyway we both work in different places now and are married!

  17. Temi

    May 19, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I once had the hearts for my flatmate during my university days; she knew this and milked every bit of concessions she could get from it- like ”my allowance is yet to hit my account, please pay our rent and our bills, and don’t forget to stock the kitchen” or ”I saw your card on your reading table, I tried to use it for some online orders- all payment were confirmed 0…babe abeg no vex o, my card limit is too low so I had to use your card”, me too, mummy’s boy, I fell for all this because of baby love, Later on my eyes opened, now I know better, I’m not going to love any babe whose space eats into mine- at work or at school, but what do I even know sef? love can happen anytime and anywhere, I hope mine happens to me in a convenient way though.

    • B-WEST

      May 19, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      rotflmhoooo! pele temi dahling . u were just a maga 101 who had an office opened on his head. bless ur dear heart. hopefully G u don wise kwo ??

    • newbie

      July 23, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      Kai! Serious office opening! I’m lmao at that expression and it’s even more hilarious in Igbo.

    • newbie

      July 23, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      This girl was gansta though. ‘Borrowing’ your card to pay for her online purchases kwa? Where I come from that’s out and out tiffery. But I trust say you don learn now lol!

  18. Mz Socially Awkward...

    May 19, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    “Some offices have a standing policy against romance in the work place and if you are sure you want to pursue an amorous relationship, one of you has to start job hunting.”

    That policy is applied in the opposite form at the company I work for. In fact, e dey like say dem dey informally encourage am, “perraps” in the hopes that after the love birds have begun sharing rides to and from work together, the only sensible thing to do is remain in the same office and save the money on a 2nd car. I no really know why but what I do know is that I’m constantly amazed by the startling number of colleagues I work with who are either dating or married to each other.

    In fact, I been “catch” one new couple (this, after sighting bros with his then-girlfriend in town not up to 1 month ago) at a dance I attended this weekend and I just keep face straight like say I no see dem. Meanwhile, I don hear dem gist finish say bros just abandon the babe wey I been see am with and hopped into this new relationship with the colleague who has been NOTORIOUSLY looking for a boyfriend. Yes, words in caps are no secret, the babe don tell everybody wey get ear say she dey find boyfriend and now that she has, I sincerely hope this one’s a keeper.

    And speaking of keepers, my current department overlord was dating a chick he also met here in this very same office. Apparently, there are no flies on the women I work with because legend has it that she targeted him before he knew what the game was and gbam! He fell and sought a permanent job in the Aberdeen office so they could be together. They went strong for about 8 years but the babe wan marry, whilst the bobo was a divorcee who didnt’ want another stab at matrimony. Na im last year, she had an affair (WITH ANOTHER WORK COLLEAGUE… who was married with a new baby, just to keep things interesting), which led to her getting a new job (the scandal was too hot for her to stay) and now she and the new man (who’s now in the process of getting a divorce) are expecting a baby.

    I can’t deal with the overabundance of office romance being conducted in this company. The two stories above are just line items on the long register of the office relationships I see around me. Some got married to each other, oh and quite a lot of other seem to have ended up as a permanent couple with kids et al. However, the fear of your personal life interacting with your work life, is the begining of wisdom and therefore na my front I dey face despite any temptation to “dabble”.

    Speaking of dabbling… Atoke, I get one Italian boy (FINE Italian boy) ’round these parts, wey dey determined to distract me from this firm resolution. He’s always perking up when we bump into each other in the canteen, no dey speak plenty English but with a hot accent like that, who really cares? I’ve told myself that it cannot happen (it shalln’t!) but e dey like say na ‘agent’ wey send am. Dia is God. He will see me through.

    • camo

      May 19, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      Looooo! i love the way wey u take yarn this tory, if the Italian bobo hot plus cute as you put am, you fit try gan… but make sure una keep am under wraps ni oo, cos all this ppl fit make person kolo o with their plenty drama.

    • TA

      May 19, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      [email protected] SA, Leave me o make I nor die for Laff. 🙂

    • Que

      May 19, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      LMAO @the major scandal…thats crazy!

      Pls sister, why our u praying against our Italian brother?? Ahn ahnnn…..

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      May 19, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      You guys, seriously, that one of my overall department oga, sha! I felt very sorry for him and they were such a power couple – both in senior management, both go-getters, both seemingly happy to just be by themselves without wedding rings or kids. Until the babe decided she no fit do again. I was particularly mad that she didn’t even go outside, just openly showed up her bobo like that. So we tried to help him through the break-up as much as possible and I had nothing but sympathy for him… until I recently discovered that he’s now liking the management accountant, who seems to be single and ready to mingle. Felt like knocking him on the head and asking “you no dey learn? babes don finish outside this company??”.

      Proper spanish telemundo around these parts, I tell you. And let me not even go into the story of an ex-colleague whose wife was suspecting that he was seeing a girl at work (after he asked for a separation from their marriage and their two yr old daughter) and the woman came straight to the office one fine working day like that to cause a scene. Yes oh, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. That fellow also had to quickly look for a new job, the embarrassment was too much. I work for a global organization oh, as in a reputable and respected company. However, I have never seen such an artless display of personal issues in the workplace. These Scots get some well hidden crase, sha. They are a wild bunch!

    • adelegirl

      May 20, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      Wonderment! Na real telemundo o! These “oyinbos” sef can have drama. This your gist reminds me of when I worked in the UK years ago, there were always such salacious stories of colleagues dating each other and it often didn’t end well. The particularly salacious gist I can never forget is the chick who left her husband for a dyke she worked with and they became a lesbian power couple in the bank. Then there were some smaller stories like my this Asian babe I worked with and was quite chummy with- Ms S. I thought she was pretty bit she favoured the heavy make-up look, was quite busty and sometimes tended to look like a slapper. Her fellow Asians used to make not so nice jokes about her. Then this cute Asian guy (Mr Z) in my team who was nice but didn’t (at least to my hearing join in the badmouthing of Ms S but used to laugh sha) out of nowhere started dating her to the extent they set up a business together. In the end he didn’t marry her – his excuse? He is Pakistani Muslim and she was Indian Hindu or something sha. I’m like didn’t he know that when he was dating her? Ms S was devastated cos even though she put up a front as an independent hard as nails chick, she really liked Mr Z – he was really charming very good-looking and buff- what’s not to like. But when I heard that gist (I had left that branch by then but still heard the gist imagine) I was proper put off by him esp since I thought he was so nice and charming.

  19. Vivadrew

    May 19, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Had an experience of such and believe me, it took months to get it over even though it was just a two month thing. Was getting to know his people by bits when he woke one day and felt “I cant do this”. Meanwhile, when he was stalking, cajoling, forming mushy, I BEGGED him not to come close cause was still healing and not capable of handling workplace relationship (the gossip, the jealousy, the monitoring etc). Once, while going home from a chilling spot with other colleagues, we got talking and delved into the past on why it didn’t get to work. Bros, could not find a tangible answer nor reason but tried to take a hit on me by wanting a kiss…Wat! after 5 months!! Gee, I shoved him off and told him “Sorry dear, I don’t do such with Exes”. Lately he has been acting all so funny and mushy regretting why he called off the relationship without a reason…anyways me sha let him know,”bros, your season for workplace nah the 1st and last. Na hubby levels now”, besides I still feel like knocking his head real hard for the hurt I had to endure those periods sha.

  20. B-WEST

    May 19, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    whew! na wa ooh!! wonderful me oooh! intrigues, scandals, juicy slimy dirty secrets . 9ja producers take a cue & come up with a home born telemundo with the aforementioned plot.
    i work with an SME & as a boss aint no way i’ll be dating my surbordinates ! taaah! d only person above me is the MD/Ceo & he’s married.-happily or not, so i have no eyes for him! don’t think i can do office romance anyway , not good at coding my feelings at all. everybody will just know

  21. Amiee

    May 19, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    I had this firm resolution not to date my class or flat mate until in 300level when one of my classmate found his way into my heart and my resolution flew out the window. Although we tried to keep it underwraps, some of our other classmates knew about it since they usually see us together outside the class. it wasnt awkward at all and classes were even more enjoyable as we could give each other ‘the eye’ and laugh secretly about something no other person was aware of. the relationship lasted for over two years and although we are no longer together, we are still very good friends.
    One candid rule for dating someone close to your space is that both of you should be able to have defined boundaries. The fact that you are in the same church or class does not mean you get to sit together, go to the canteen together, read together, etc. You should be able to live separate lives, have separate friends and still be in love with each other.

  22. Priscy

    May 19, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Office romance is a no for me no…I no fit. Too much monitoring and all plus I think I’ll easily get bored of seeing his face everyday. It works for some and doesn’t for others. I have a friend who had to leave her job in the bank coz she got married to he colleague, she’s now a house wife.

  23. Loma

    May 19, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I worked for a company in Nigerian that really encouraged colleagues hooking up, in fact they even gave you a substantial sum to help along with the wedding. The idea is that you’ll stay loyal to the company if you’re both working there and would not mind being transferred to any part of the world since you would still be together as a family… so its win-win all round.

    Didn’t meet anyone I liked enough to tempt me, but you can imagine romance being a norm in a place like that. Atoke, you would be like a kid in a candy store from the story choices available…good, bad and ugly.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      May 19, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      I know one particular company in Nigeria (and other locations of the world) that does that and I think the part where they try and keep couples together for global transfers is very good. Employees remain loyal and the employer retains its staff base. Win-win all around.

  24. sum1special

    May 19, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Atoke glad you wrote about this topic. i personally am against dating anyone in my office.just too close for comfort. I like to not see who am dating and miss him. my work is my work and my personal life is personal. I like to keep it that way.Not to say people haven’t found their soul mates in their offices. Its just God’s perfect will that matters regardless of where you meet your boyfriend or spouse but for me,office romance is a big no.

  25. elkay

    May 19, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    i was once involved in an office romance that i enjoyed while it lasted,months after we broke up ,he announced his wedding to another friend/ was a night mare each time we bump into each other .i will not encourage anyone to go into it.though i am now happily married as well

  26. new bride

    May 19, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    My husband and I me at work and dated for two years before he proposed. It was a pretty small office, so we started out very coded and didn’t tell anyone, because the only other couple that dated in the office ended up as a disaster. We eventually told everyone and they were very supportive , infact we had to do the engagement on a Saturday because we wanted the whole office to attend (doing it on a Thursday would’ve meant some of them couldn’t attend). My boss was the last to find out and he gave his blessing, but warned that if the relationship went sour, it dare not affect my work ( i was a star performer).

    The best part of the relationship was that we saw each other everyday and it really helped us know ourselves inside out. Those 2 years felt like 10 years, cos we were together all day everyday. We were also extremely professional, which helped a lot – we knew when to turn things on and off.

    We no longer work in the company, but it helps to have a partner who understands the frustrations of my work – especially when you work in a high stress/pressure environment. He understands working late and on weekends/holidays, impromptu travel, odd hour phone calls, etc.

    I say to each his own when it comes to office romance, just make sure you know what you’re doing, cos when it’s good it’s really good and when it’s bad, it’s a disaster!

    • Que

      May 19, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      Nice story n advica at d end…..hehe!

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      May 19, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      I suppose it helps if you’re both in the same environment and understand the pressures and stress factors of each other’s jobs. A lot of the couples that I work with met offshore and, for them, having a partner who worked offshore as well helped the relationship along because you didn’t have one party complaining that about how long the other party spends away from home. And vice versa. Each side clearly understood what they’d signed up for.

      Eventually, many of those couples tended to start asking their managers for positions onshore because they wanted to start a family, get more stability, etc. Once the first person comes onshore, it doesn’t take long for their other half to also look to see whether they can do the same and the company doesn’t want to lose them so it usually works out fine.

      Definitely agree with you about really understanding what you’re getting into with workplace romances.


    May 19, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    It’s a NO for me. It will be too mushy – mushy. Everyone will be able to tell when you have issues. What will going to work be like in-case you two break up. I can’t even deal with working or being in the same space for long hours with my ex.

  28. DOO

    May 19, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Office romance is fun till one person falls in love and the other falls out of it.

  29. yejide

    May 19, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Office is a Big NO for me, can’t deal with drama outside work and in the work place with the same Person. Oh please the embarrasing suituation of seeing your selves at work if the r/ship doesn’t work out. Mbuk
    Even learnt my lesson from the university. There was this guy who was asking me out and we were classmates and I so liked him ehen, was thinking of saying yes to him the following semsemster, so time for the exams came, during the exams (our 300l exams), the invigilator placed us next to each other, was so happy becos I got to sit next to him and he was one of the best five students in class. During the exams he noticed I was stuck with a question and he told me the answer( can imagine how happy I was) fast forward to next semsester, the result were realeased and I told him while we were chatting that I had a “B” in that particular course. Only for the yeye boy to say – “is it not because you sat with me you had a “B”, chei wo, I thanked God that day that I was yet to say yes to him. From that day I started noticing the awkard moments like how I felt uncomfortable when I’m asked a question by a lecturer and I failed to give the right answers in class or when I see him with our class girls behaving silly together or when I have to be cautious in talking to other guys, please I couldn’t deal with all that drama abeg.

  30. adwoa

    May 19, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Resigned from my job in order to get married to my boo. We’ve been married for over two years now and though my salary from my current job is slightly lower, i have no regrets.

  31. name change lols

    May 20, 2014 at 10:39 am

    currently in one now, same office space, different dept, we are quiet abt it, but tongues are wagging and a lot of people insinuating and planning a marriage abi na wedding them dey plan sef, its not bad, i guess we both are matured, we can walk pass each other like there is nothing happening sef…lols, fingers crossed…


    May 20, 2014 at 11:08 am

    I actually met my husband in the office, we dated for a year+ and got married. we actually coded it badly until we brought out the I.V. People went very crazy cos they never ever saw us together.I would hide to enter his car,go for lunch etc; guess what they call me now?FBI!!!lmao! well i am extremely happy, i love my Husband like mad, and would marry him in another life!


      May 20, 2014 at 11:25 am

      Awww…good for you. Lovely piece Atoke, as usual welldone. Am still chilling for love, and whereever i find it, office or not, am totally opened to it

    • chu girl

      September 10, 2014 at 11:59 am

      I like that ur opened to love…………… I wish you the best

    • name change lols

      May 20, 2014 at 11:50 am

      Good, now i am encouraged, not like i was planning on backing out, its fun really, i do not do PDA and he doesnt subscribe to that, we will code until its time, people won’t stop nosing tho, that i know but na them sabi, when i squeeze my face and give them the side bad eye they leave me alone lols…


    May 20, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    @name change lols, be sure to establish he’s a serious/responsible guy,pray and be very positive, also be very open/faithful;and make sure its hidden(handled with maturity),trust me something good will come out of it. initially when we started dating i gave small hint to a friend in the office and heard a few comments,that alone made me mind my biz and face the who is smiling? You need to see the respect i now get from the office.

  34. shenugs

    May 20, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Dating someone in the office certainly has its perks. I am currently dating my direct boss in the office and its been 6 months and going strong. Its so nice that we can gossip together about people in the office and not have to worry about word getting out lol. He treats me like he would his other subordinates an nobody even suspects we are dating. Of course it could be terrible if things go awry cos we would have to see each other everyday and carry all the bad blood. I’m hoping for the best though. One day at a time.

  35. peepee

    May 22, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    office romance = forbidden passion…………….hahahahahah

  36. Pearl

    May 26, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    I used to think office romance was not all bad till i had one…believe me its all kinds of bad and terrible. In my case, i dated my boss…we had to keep it under wraps cos he didn’t want people thinking he wasn’t professional enough..but I guess i got tired of being side-lined.
    He is so handsome (pretty)..too cute for words, and it really hurt and still hurts when i see clients and colleagues throw their selves at him. Anyway, i decided to end it when I found out that he was asking a new girl out.
    Bottom-line it will be fun while it lasts but if it goes badly…you’ll find it very hard to go to work everyday. I used to love my job but right now i’m desperately searching for a new one. Can’t shout…

  37. PurpleiciousBabe

    July 6, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    Wish I had an office romance to share…(too Mills and Boon).
    Lol I can/would never never fancy anyone at my current work place.
    Maybe when I move jobs lol. I will have small gist too.

    Life has a way of surprising you though. I would rather prefer my hubby in a different profession and department(in fact I relish that thought).

    My friend always said she would never date/marry someone in same school, workplace etc. She is now getting married to someone she met @ work though she has since changed jobs.

  38. newbie

    July 23, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    I don’t have any office romance stories of my own to share, though I’ve witnessed it in two places that I’ve worked at. Both (somewhat) salacious. In the first one, this girl who was my manager at the time (though younger) started dating this other colleague who was married and the news was all over the company. He moved out of his family home, moved in with her and they got engaged. Come and see flaunting engagement rock! I was so disgusted that she had the guts to break a marriage (I don’t care how unhappy the marriage was, let them break it themselves) and flaunt her engagement to someone who was still technically married even if about to divorce. We nor hear word for office again. Wedding this, wedding that…meanwhile said wedding was set for 2.5 years after the engagement. You would have thought they were in a hurry to marry, the way they got engaged before waiting for the guy to divorce his wife. Anyway, Karma’s a bitch ain’t she? Cos that’s all it ended up being – an engagement. They eventually broke up about a year and a half into the very long engagement. Moral of the story – if you’re planning on tiffing someone else’s husband for keeps, you berra make it snappy!

    Second one was so funny. This guy and girl worked quite closely together on various assignments. He was much older as in at least 20 years though he looked good; Italian dude. Chick too was a pyt and well they started dating. Always-last-to-hear-gist that I am, I only knew what was happening when one Monday morning one of my more clued up friends whispered to me to check their fingers that they must have gone off and got married over the weekend and I was like – “how? Why?” To which she answered “wait so you didn’t know they’d been dating?” And had a good laugh at me. I checked the fingers and yup they had indeed. Gone and gotten matching ring tattoos on their ring fingers. Awww… I go love o! The joke around the office was – which wedding plans was dude going to concentrate on – his daughter’s which we’d all known about and was coming up soon or his. Although we have lots of married couples in the company so there wasn’t a policy issue, they both left shortly afterwards anyway.

    Don’t think I could stomach it though – too close for comfort. But as they say – hey, never say never!

  39. Ashley

    September 16, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    … I worked with this dude who happens to be my friend from high school. We got into a relationship of some sort which had me sleeping over at his place and going to work together… he told me all I needed to hear and made me feel good until I heard about his introduction scheduled for the coming weekend… He is very married to the babe now and of cos I switched jobs.

    Men, when I remeber him ehn…. I just wonder when he dated the babe talk less of getting married to her. It was a blow I could not contain. Till tomorrow he asks for my friemdship but I would rather cut him off… Pathetic liar.

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