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BN Hot Topic: Should The Groom Be Asked To Contribute to the Bridal Shower?



Yes! This is quite a controversial topic, we know. In a society like ours where the man largely foots the bill for his lady, where should the line be drawn?

We would like to share our story where we got stuck with this dilemma and then you can decide whether or not to leave the man out of the bridal shower shenanigans. So we were contacted to plan a shower for a beautiful bride. As usual, there was a long checklist; a lot of things had to be done to make this shower special and glamorous a la Partyfully Yours style. There was one little problem however, we were short on cash. All the bridesmaids and bride’s friends were ready to contribute a certain amount, but no more.

So the question arose. Do we call him? Do we seek for some extra change from him? After all, she is his bride to be and he should be part of the ‘making her happy’ process right? The house was divided. A certain set of people were of the ‘Hell YES!’ opinion!

Is He not her husband to be? He should be willing to drop some money for her bridal shower naa. They were of the opinion that it really didn’t make much of a difference to say throwing her a surprise birthday party for instance. Another set of people, felt this was a ‘Oh hell NO’ situation. How can we call him to ask for money? He already has a lot of expenses, he would be quite cranky at the moment, and it really doesn’t seem to be a good idea to ask him. Perhaps this might not speak very well of the friends too.

So we were stuck, we would like to hear your views on this issue, is it right or wrong to ask for some money from the groom? Who is the best person to approach the groom for this request and how?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Sam74100 

Partyfully_Yours is a Nigerian based party supplies , small scale event decor & planning company, established by two friends with a shared vision for party success, with emphasis on bridal and baby showers.  Partyfully-Yours aesthetics is grounded on our love for fun, pretty and swoon-worthy showers and other shenanigans. Website: Instagram : @partyfully_yours


  1. wendypalm

    November 6, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I think its wrong…Its a bridal shower that should be thrown by the friends… of course if the husband to be decides to contribute voluntarily, cool…otherwise, i think the friends should have a budget and not go overboard…Its a bridal shower for God’s sake, not a ”bridal party”…We should learn to give these men a break…must they contribute to everything?…I am a lady and i think its a no no to ask him for money. Friends should celebrate their friends so that they can be celebrated.

    • Latifa

      November 7, 2014 at 9:40 am

      We’ll said……..but if they insist on asking the groom for money I hope It won’t come off as a surprise if the groom should ask for her contribution to his Bachelor party.

    • UberChick

      November 7, 2014 at 9:46 am

      You hit hit right on the nail, NO,NO,NO. If they cannot afford it then they should not hold it. What is bridal shower anyway? We are busy celebrating foreign stuff and losing money along the way…Cry my beloved Africa!!!!!

  2. Tim

    November 6, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Like seriously, dis is a debate….Hell Nah!! It’s aint right to ask the groom. From introduction to traditional engagement to the marriage proper and then the honey moon after, the groom already has enough on his plate. If the bride’s friends cant come up with the money for a shower, then they have no business organizing one. Bridal showers are not a must, they could gather the little money and buy the bride a gift she’ll appreciate instead of a “by force” superficial bridal shower.

  3. Que

    November 6, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Whatever happened to working within the budget the girls can afford???…..whats d hoopla about? Its an irritating question to me and I’m not even the groom…..good luck with that!

    • Iris

      November 6, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      Thank you! What kind of daft question is this? If the bridesmaids cannot afford to give her a shower then there will be no shower! Simple. Work within your budget or give it a rest. The groom has nothing to do with the shower and as for making her happy, if he is not enough she can like to take a course in how to manage in life. Is he not looking for happiness too? This “dilemma” described above had better not be a true story, and had better just be BN speculating with a made-up example.

  4. 'Oma

    November 6, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Please girls biko, if you people decide to do a shower for your friend/sister or whatever don’t embarrass yourselves and the bride by asking the groom for money.What’s that about?Really!!!!WeTin na?Do you see anyone asking brides and her friends’ to contribute to their stagnight/bachelor’s eve?
    This is just irresponsibility and irrigusting behavior at the highest order.Showers can be done in the cheapest way possible that all you have to do is buy a bottle of coke and chin-chin.So abeg get creative and make yourselves happy for you and you alone
    Bridal shower is really not by force

  5. na by force?

    November 6, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    Na by force to bath her (sorry shower her)
    If you no get money, leave it na.
    If your money no reach, you no fit do wetin your money reach?

    On the other hand, shebi na your friend ba?
    No do shower for am so that when your own turn comes, they will ignore you too

    Babes sha like to chop man finish
    dem no fit spare their own money do nada for sum1
    women and money, hiya

    Later sumborry will be claiming equality

  6. Long Hiss

    November 6, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    These are the ones fighting for gender equality! I see

  7. Onye

    November 6, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    I don’t understand why this is even a debate. The bridal shower is usually thrown by the bride’s friends. If you can’t afford why make it so big? And then they will want the groom to pay for it? Is he your groom? Abeg go siddown.


    November 6, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    “There was one little problem however, we were short on cash. All the bridesmaids and bride’s friends were ready to contribute a certain amount, but no more.” Why can’t we just do what we can afford to do, why must Nigerians go overboard with everything? That’s how I heard a caller say on Sharing Life Issues some nights ago that he’s still in debt over five months after his wedding because his wife’s family wanted a bigger wedding than he could afford.
    Friends and bridesmaids are ready to contribute and it still isn’t enough? Seen. Please leave the groom out of it, biko. It has absolutely nothing to do with him, unless he offers.

    • Anne

      November 6, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      they wanna post it on instagram and other social network. The fake life we live this days. whatever happened to cut ur coat according to your size .

    • BlackCOCO

      November 7, 2014 at 8:09 am

      Nne, it’s shouldn’t even be, because some people can like to scale up their size for Africa! Abeg people, CUT YOUR CLOTHS ACCORDING TO YOUR MATERIAL OOO!

  9. Esther Asuquo

    November 6, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    The husband to-be should be left out in this…..usually it is the bride’s friends, Bridesmaid & Bridal girls that takes care of the whole arrangement. Doing a Bridal shower doesn’t mean you should break a Bank, its just a concept to celebrate the Bride -to- be on the eve of her wedding. The Husband -to – be can only support on his own will but not compelled or seen as a responsibility for him to do so.

  10. Mz Socially Awkward...

    November 6, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Oh, for goodness sakes. And tomorrow, we’ll be hotly debating the question of why many Nigerian men treat women like chattel..

    The short answer is “No, the groom should NEVER be asked to contribute towards a bridal shower”.

    The long answer is – who these bride’s friends who want to have a “special event” for their soon-to-be-wed pal and yet, aren’t willing to contribute over a certain amount to achieve that goal? If you can’t afford to throw her the bridal shower she deserves then throw her a bridal shower that she’ll appreciate. It’s not about how much it costs as there are creative ways and means of hosting her to an amazing afternoon/evening.

    Abi, una been wan send the photo for BN to feature? Apologies for my caustic tone but this is 2014 (almost 2015) and there is a level of reasoning that our collective womanhood should have transcended by now.

    • D

      November 6, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      And there I rest my case. Is this really a bone of contention on this topic??? I refuse to believe that.

  11. vics

    November 6, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Dear madam / mr party planner, I have just one question oh : when has it become the problem of party planners to decide if a customer should have a big event or not? What happened to offering services according to what you were paid.

    • Thatgidigirl

      November 6, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      Thank you oooo!

  12. Fabulicious

    November 6, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    If the funds are not enough for a bridal shower,then tone some things down….Ladies oooo,when will some learn?.Bridal shower is really not necessary.Point blank,end of story.

  13. Blackbeauty

    November 6, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    I know this isn’t real. No ‘dilemma’ here. Y’all at BN just want to raise our hackles and get us huffing and puffing for nothing abi? Ask the groom ko, ask the groom ni. If I hear…

  14. Pretenseslayer

    November 6, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Hmmm, I knew a groom that called the bride’s friends and gave them a blank cheque to throw his bride’s bridal shower. They didn’t ask, he offered and insisted. How about that?

    • miss gold

      November 6, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      its cool when he offer to do it nt when he is bin asked for it

    • Iris

      November 6, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      He offered so it’s fine. You don’t ASK for it. I’m a woman and even thinking about it is pissing me off on behalf of men.

  15. Nelo

    November 6, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    This shouldn’t be a debate naa. Biko the friends should live the groom alone. He has too much on his head. And besides have you seen where the groom ask the bride money for bachelor’s eve?. Ladies! Let’s be egocentry in this case abeg.

  16. Beli adelaja

    November 6, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Really!!!! I wonder when bridal shower became compulsory. If they can’t afford then forget it. Don’t allow the man suffer biko. Instated you guys should give the money contributed and say it’s for the unborn baby. Trust me that’llake a lot of sense

  17. Truth Teller

    November 6, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    A bridal shower is not even mandatory in the first place, so why not settle with the funds you have available if you insist on throwing your friend one? It’s a NO from me, leave the man out of this, unless he is aware of it and insists on contributing.

  18. PolishedGod

    November 6, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Calling him to contribute would be selfish. She is his bride to be not a burden on his neck, Common ladies whatever happened to being “MISS INDEPENDENT”. You cant demand for respect and yet not be able to handle tiny issues like “BRIDAL SHOWER” which by the way is not a do or die affair. You want to have fun before your wedding sure, have at it, but honey have some dignity about it. At a friends Bachelor Party we the grooms men did everything to show him or unconditional support. Why cant girls do same.

  19. tbaby

    November 6, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    I’m not surprised that this came up. We are now about that flashy bridal shower life (thanks to BN too). Bridal showers can be cheap and intimate and lovely with the bride gushing from all the love.
    I think the first problem is the organizer (bride’s friends), the bride probably sent a list of people that cannot be bothered about her. Let’s not forget the 25k aso ebi for engagement and sewing and maybe souvenir, then you want to do shower of 10k plus me bringing gift? well we’re not that close.
    The best showers I have attended are not the lavish ones but the intimate ones where everyone knows and loves the bride and will go out of the way to make her happy.
    People even go so far as to ask to use the groom’s house. It truly is not by force.

  20. Personal Assistant

    November 6, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    BN Where is my comment eh?

  21. D.A.

    November 6, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Just like asking the bride to be, to contribute to her man’s bachelors eve. Kinda weird I would say. However, if the guy has the funds and doesn’t mind, then he can. But it should be based on freewill not on compulsion.

  22. Deejay Kimono

    November 6, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    like kilode una wann kill us ni? right from meeting una that’s when we start paying bills, mehn Nigeria relationships are expensive oh, that what gives me creeps of being in one, attention,finances,headaches…..Though God sees me i don’t flirt around..But seriously all jokes apart, i do not see why men should contribute, if she has good friends they can fut the bill then they arent friends….I have a fwend which i even Disked at her wedding in Anambra and no dime did i collect plus Accommodation i did pay all by myself….Thats called friendship, going to any extent for someone you cherish…But that one no mean say make una start to padi me oh coz of free jobs, we all got bills to pay….So hell “NO” to this post….Nice Topic Bella Naija am feeling you guys….Good content..

    @deejaykimono (instagram)..

  23. Berry Dakara

    November 6, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    If the bride’s friends can’t afford to throw the bridal shower they want, the first thing off the list should be the EVENT PLANNER!!!

    If they don’t have money for what they want, then they should make do with what they have. It’s not okay to ask the groom.

  24. Asgrl

    November 6, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Cut your coat according to your size. And if the bride wants a really extravagant shower do, she should build that into her budget and be prepared to cough up some dough. For example If she’s planning a destination shower, she could offer to pay for the rooms, her friends only have to pay for flights, food and drinks etc.

  25. miss gold

    November 6, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    lol………..d groom isnt suppose to contribute to bridal shower at all,it suppose to b a surprise party for d bride by her bride maids,she will knw there will b a shower for her buh she shuldnt knw the date n venue n dat where i tink the groom is needed cos he can b the one to bring her to the venue n he can leave afterwards he is only suppose to c the after photos, from my own experience.

  26. Betty

    November 6, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    No. This is a bridal shower where friends of a bride come together and prepare that party for her. Remember that even the groom’s friends also prepare for their groom to be. Do not dish your hands in his pockets please.

  27. tee

    November 6, 2014 at 2:49 pm


  28. dorodee

    November 6, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Why won’t it be a problem when we now have bridal shower event planners and instagram

  29. A Bili

    November 6, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    ewww…what kind of babes are these? women only remember “feminism” when it is convenient. Must a husband/fiance/boyfriend be involved in every financial aspect of a woman? abeg leave the groom alone, if there is no money don’t throw a shower. it is not compulsory!!! or throw a low key shower.

  30. Peyton

    November 6, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Wonders will never end why is this even a question? Women are funny sha on the one hand you claim to be independent then you turn around and want a man to pay. Now we are on this topic how about the man contributes 50% the woman 50% that’s equality. The problem with some people is that they think money means true love and friendship. So the simple things are magnified and reduced to a show of how much I have rather than what is needed. And it is always women we have made weddings into an event to show of what we have rather than enjoying ourselves. If people who have money decide to spend it good for them but rather than making a complete fool of yourselves learn the adage “cut your coat according to your size” and save yourselves from this embarrassing situation you put yourselves in or better still stop thinking about yourselves and buy your friend a gift.

  31. amakazee

    November 6, 2014 at 3:18 pm


  32. [email protected]

    November 6, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    its a big no…the brides friends and/or sisters should throw her a shower. please lets learn to work within a budget biko


    November 6, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    in my own opinion if the guy can afford it there is nothing wrong with it.. I threw a bridal shower party for my friend last year and I only asked our other friends to bring food and drinks.. I collected money from the husband bcos I needed to buy more drinks and he gave me and I didn’t even remember it until this topic came up on bellanaija… there is nothing wrong with it if he can afford it.

  34. kemi

    November 6, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    please why the hell NOT will we not collect the money?? Some brides want very fantastic showers, we cant afford it, her groom gotta pay!! PERIOD!!

    • Berry Dakara

      November 6, 2014 at 7:47 pm

      If her friends can’t afford to throw the kind of shower she wants, she should provide the money for it. A bridal shower is a GIFT from her bridesmaids and friends – you are NOT ENTITLED to a gift! If you get a gift, the proper thing is to gracefully appreciate and thank your friends for what they’ve done. Is it the flowers and decor and fantabulousness that make your friendship?

    • Iris

      November 6, 2014 at 10:15 pm

      If your bride wants a ‘fantastic’ shower tell her to pay. Trust Nigerians to take what should be a modest and intimate and sweet event and turn it into a flashy circusy production that will cause more stress than good memories. Fyi the shower is a gift not a right.

  35. solape

    November 6, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    ohhhh.. Partyfullyyours!! I lovee them!!!…. They actually do fantastic Showers sha

  36. miss pynk

    November 6, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    As a newly wed, all these things are vanity. I had two showers, one was organised by my sis inlaw and college friends overseas and one was done in lagos. Both were in house events as in at soneones house and we played games etc. Folks contributed different things, no one was under pressure. Folks should stop creating problems for themselves, these things aren’t supposed to be productions. Is it until out of frustration when husbands become abusive towards their liabilities/wives that folks will wake up? Husbands have no business being asked to pay for bridal showers, the first year of marriage is expensive enough, let the poor guy breathe abeg

  37. NaijaPikin

    November 6, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Before, bridal showers were about ladies getting together in someones house, playing silly games, having a good time and showering the bride with kind words, love and gifts.

    As with everything, naija pple must overdo it. Everyone is trying to out-stage the next. I heard of a shower that cost about N500,000. I’m like wth.

    I have sha warned my friends if they try any of these uppity prim and proper and expensive shower for me, i will walk out. Nothing beats being silly on the living room floor(if i want), acting a fool with my best ladies.

  38. Dora the explorer

    November 6, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    I can’t with the “hell yes” group.. what if he turns you down ehn? you will start turning your mouths about how your friends husband to be was mean to you.. y’all are incredible!!!
    Girls have some dignity in ALL aspects of your life. Thanks..

    BTW the topic and post really is annoying, people are Vexxxxxxxxed!! woman and man them. hahahaha

  39. Omowumi

    November 6, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    please is it by force to shower? if you cannot shower, fetch water now…fake people, fake life. the last I checked nobody was arrested for not “bridal showering”. you cut your coat according to your material not size, cos you may need 4yards and you decide to buy 2yards.

  40. yea

    November 6, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    I see so many shallow ladies in this generation and it’s sad. Is it a must to do a shower? Are there not more important things than just copying everything we think it’s cool and announcing our fake lives to everyone on Instagram?

    So much vanity in this generation and we wonder why a lot of marriages aren’t working. Two fake and shallow human beings can only produce a shallow marriage.

  41. madamnk

    November 6, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    na wa oh. If I heard someone asked my husband-to-be for money for a bridal shower, trust that I would go ape sh*t. So disrespectful. Please if your money is not enough and you have decided that you will not organise one that is within your budget, just cancel it. no be by force.

  42. teekay

    November 6, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Its a no for me pls. But I need to ask a question is it true its the groom dat buys the wedding dress, me and my girls ve been on this topic for a while now

  43. Concerned_Boyfriend

    November 6, 2014 at 10:05 pm


  44. Iris

    November 6, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    Of course you see nothing wrong with it. You asked for it so how will you see something wrong? I’m sorry but that is just the most tasteless thing to do. The shower is not the groom’s idea. The shower is a deliberate female-planned party for a bride. It is your initiative and your party. You should have budgeted and used the amount of money you had to plan for the people and drinks you would need. Even if there wasn’t enough, people at the shower should be close enough to the bride that not getting drinks wouldn’t be an issue. How many women would be willing to give out money to the groomsmen for a party? What kind of nonsense is this biko nu? So even before he married her he was giving out his hard earned money to her friends because they didn’t know how to plan according to their means. I just read this article properly sef. This event planner is not serious. It means you can give them a list and they won’t know how to manage your budget and tell you what needs to leave the list. The friends should have started by cutting YOU off. You people want to turn me into the Bruno of event planners today.

  45. BlueEyed

    November 6, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    As a bride If you want an expensive shower and your friends are breaking their necks or thinking of asking your groom, please change clique abeg, follow the kim Kardashians of the world with plenty change to spare for frivolities, so that your pictures can look nice on Instagram.

    • lol

      November 6, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      Henhen, I found this comment funny sha 😀

  46. vex

    November 7, 2014 at 4:26 am

    Life was extremely simple and original before the social media saga! now everyone wanna outdo each other……don’t even get me started on weddings. Weddings in Nigeria are now over the bar even the vendors aint taking it easy. imagine make up 350k, photography 700k, videography 400k, décor vendors are the worst at the moment….if you want a very nice décor, the least quote is 1..5m which could be so much more, chiavari/charis/ghost chairs 500/800/1000 naira per piece, vera wang wedding dress of almost $4000 or more, cake 350k, event planner 1.5m or more, musical band 500k, popular musical artists 1m to perform at your wedding, sourvenirs nko, aso ebi, trad attires, how about the champagne, soft drinks prices, ah! caterer quote nko 1.5m last for 500guests. see ehn the struggle is real, Social media has made matters worse, Instagram being the worst at the moment(maybe another app will come out soon, who knows?, .Gone are those days where you just marry and move on with life but now everyone wanna feature on bellanaija, aisleperfect, weddingnigeria, weddingdigest, etc. Honestly to me ehn, I feel BELLANAIJA has also made the whole wedding saga gone crazy. it is wel ooooooooo. pardon my typos.

  47. pipi

    November 7, 2014 at 10:45 am

    for my bridalshower: all i need my best friends sitting on d floor of my house, teasing our selves crazy, talking about old crazy stories, old boyfriends and stupid things i did, dance dance dance….. and maybe finsh 2 bottles of vodka before d night is done!

    Food: Hot indomie and eggs (12 packs and 12 eggs) serve with the pot used in cooking it on d floor
    drinks: cold water, apple juice and vodka

    total expenditure= 5,000 naira

    • Monica

      November 11, 2014 at 8:35 am

      Cool!!! that will be fun and real, minus the indomie. some Nigerians are wasteful.


    November 7, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    I’m surprised that this is a heated debate! In my opinion, do not have a bridal shower if you cannot afford one, and the groom is under no obligation to pay for it – He already has other bills to foot, but, he can he wants to.

    Btw, I think bridal showers are pointless. I’m only going to have a traditional wedding, court wedding and white wedding!

  49. Ledi O

    November 7, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    It’s simple. Work within the budget.

  50. angry Nigerian

    November 8, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Cut ur coat according to ur cloth not ur size sef cos ur size mite be more than the material u hav. Wat is wrong with nigerians? Wen did we start bridal showers? Wat is d point of it? Wat ar u showering? If u stink and feel u need a shower so very much, pls buy dettol soap and a bag of pour water, dat shud suffice. Fake, senseless people. Leave the poor guy out of the whole shenanigans. I am sure he has a lot on his plate. Iranu!!!

  51. Aderonke

    November 8, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    my own opinion d groom shld not b involved,its bridal showers courtesy bride’s frnd,its a NO,dnt involve d groom work within ur budget. u only nid his assistance in getting d bride 2 d venue surprisely & 2 ask him some questions 4 d bride 2 answer @ d bridal shower party.10x.

  52. Ndali

    November 14, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Everyone is saying almost the same thing and I agree..that’s what friends are for,we must not go overboard with these things. If however the groom decides to contribute,no problem. But to be sincere,he shouldn’t be asked really. And like someone said,usr your own savings if it’s a do or die affair for you.

  53. Mia

    November 17, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    I’m curious tho: almost everyone has an emphatic ‘NO’… but if d guy can be asked to foot the bill for d bridesmaids dresses and/or asoebi, why can’t he foot bridal showers as well? #justasking

  54. MM

    November 17, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    Even if the groom offers to pay,its still wrong to accept it. As women, we should learn to say no to certain offers. there is something called self-respect! … IF my friends whom I have thrown showers for, bought aso ebi etc cant throw me a bridal shower on a budget then they should just focus on attending the wedding.

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