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Georgette Monnou: Co-Habitation – Necessary or Pointless?

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It is really important to spend time with your partner before you decide to marry them. I mean really spend time with them, i.e. co-habitiate. To clarify what I mean by co-habitation, I mean frequent and periodic “sleepovers”.

I was speaking to a friend about this over the weekend. She was surprised by the idea, and I reminded her that this concept is not new. Couples these days spend time at each other’s houses, especially if they both live abroad. In Nigeria however, things might be a little more complicated. If the girl still lives with her parents, it might be much harder for her to justify her absence from home. To her parents, there are probably no circumstances that would allow her new friend to spend the night at hers or vice versa. However, should this ban on sleepovers change?

A lot of the time women speak excitedly about getting married and what they would do in their marital home. They get pressured to find a man, however what happens once they get married? Women everywhere talk about how there is no guidance for them once married; they are just expected to wing it. One way to find out how things might be when you are married to the love of your life is by sleeping over periodically. You will find out his daily routine, his habits and what he expects from you on a daily basis. Call me naïve but things aren’t supposed to change too drastically in terms of how you both relate with one another once married. Working on that premise, then co-habitation is a perfect way to figure out what will happen before the wedding day. As I am writing this, I can already see Mama Funke’s disapproving eyes.

You may then argue, but these are things she will eventually have to get used to once she is married, so what’s the point? Yes that may be so, but there might be certain traits she dislikes and can either choose to get used to earlier, work with her partner to change, or it might be a deal breaker and she can promptly exit the building before it is too late. Co-habitation eases the transition for both people once married and allows them to make more informed choices.

Why make the early years of marriage more difficult than it need be? Co-habitate!

What do you think?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

Georgie is a Creative Enthusiast who spends a lot of her time involved in various creative projects. To see more of her work, check out her new blogisite – www.realtalkwithgeorgie.com Once you click on the link, you will join the league of stars that have exclusive access to Georgie through her articles, photos, poems and more.

104 Comments

  1. soniapaloma

    November 7, 2014 at 12:34 am

    Yes, I am in full support of cohabitation. You learn alot living together and it also helps in

    • lumdy

      November 7, 2014 at 5:20 am

      most nigerian ladies are not opened to this..

  2. soniapaloma

    November 7, 2014 at 12:36 am

    Finalising your decision, if this is the person you can spend your life with living together.*

  3. Toma

    November 7, 2014 at 1:04 am

    Nope. I don’t agree that cohabitation helps to make marriage work. It could even cloud your better judgement of character especially as a woman. The moment you get too comfy cooking and cleaning and sleeping together, and you see some tell tale signs, it will be harder to break up and start again so many just stay on and ‘pray he will change’. If u happen to leave in Naija. Ah! Ur ‘inlaws’ go see u finish!

    • blackeyedbeauty

      November 7, 2014 at 9:18 am

      I disagree with you. Cohabiting with your boyfriend for a while will show you a side of him you wouldnt ordinarily see. He is in his element, in his comfort zone and he can only keep up his guard for so long. A girl has to be wise in all things. She should always trust her instincts and read scenarios as what they really are. If she notices a habit she cant stand, she should chuck her deuces

  4. Ona

    November 7, 2014 at 1:07 am

    YES! I currently live with my boyfriend and its the best decision ever! Dating and then going back to ur respective abodes if wayyyy different from living together! It allows u to really see what u’re getting when u get married….and if u cant take it, u can leave before making a huge mistake. I honestly believe that cohabiting before marriage will save alot of people from getting married to people they have no business getting married to.

    • Olanma

      November 7, 2014 at 11:45 am

      Co- habitation with a fiance, I’m not a 100% supportive of that but I could understand, as opposed to a boyfriend

    • Olanma

      November 7, 2014 at 11:49 am

      Moreover doing that with a boyfriend makes it harder to leave if the relationship doesn’t work as planned. In my opinion, there’s no need, because no matter how you spend time you never know them a 100%, even when you’re married, after 10-15 years of marriage you even start to observe new things about your partner. If you’re engaged and you’re planning your wedding, just maybe. Boyfriend/Girlfriend, 100% no no and that’s just my opinion.

    • Aba-made

      November 7, 2014 at 11:33 pm

      What we don’t realize is that change is constant. The ‘you’ that you know today won’t be the same ‘you’ a few years from now. My emotional, physical and intellectual state will never be the same over a period of time. Humans change for better or worse over a period of time, it is inevitable. How you adapt, communicate, tolerate and manage changes (even in marriage) is what matters the most.

    • lola

      November 7, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Darling, you may just be postponing the wedding day because he will never be in a hurry to marry you. He’s having his cake and eating it.

  5. Anon

    November 7, 2014 at 1:39 am

    Wow! This is serious o. When you’ll see this person every single day & night after marriage, what’s the rush. And I agree with the second comment, your judgement will definitely be clouded. Besides this is not how God designed it. Please ladies don’t act the wife before you become one. Enjoy your “non-married” days. After marriage, you’ll do and see all these things and be tired!

    • viv

      November 7, 2014 at 11:04 am

      I agree totally, why act the wife when your not. I agree with spending a lot of time with your man to get to know him in his elements not necessarily co-habiting. There is some mystery with not showing all before marriage and its exciting. makes you both have something to look forward to.

    • fyre

      November 8, 2014 at 6:29 am

      In the words 8f Steve Harvey ” dont play the role of a wife to a man who isnt ur husband”.

  6. kokoqueen

    November 7, 2014 at 1:42 am

    I say a Big No to Cohabitation….*who pays for the cow when he is already getting the milk for free* Btw the Holy Book says Marriage is honourable in all Bed undefiled….

    • C'est moi

      November 7, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      And why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free. Or worse still, buy the pig and end up with a lil sausage.

  7. Leonora

    November 7, 2014 at 2:00 am

    As a newly wed, I highly reccomend cohabitating. Maybe not in the early stages of the relationship but after getting engaged perhaps. It just prepares you for what is to come. Things really change when you get married and start living together. Cohabitating helps with the transition…yes, it’s not the traditional way of doing things but sometimes these so called “traditional ways” make absolutely no sense in today’s day and age..I think they were applicable back in the day but people need to bone face and do what’s best for them.

    • Blessmyheart

      November 7, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      I don’t seem to understand what the transition is about. You cannot know everything about your spouse until you’re married. People who have been married for 20 years break up so how does cohabitation help couples stay together? In my opinion, cohabiting brings a sense of ‘if it doesn’t work out I can leave’. Why don’t you (both parties) do all you can to be open to each other, don’t ignore any negative signs (you don’t have to cohabit to see the signs) and be absolutely certain about your decision before getting married. I believe if you have the mindset that marriage is forever then, you won’t rush into making a decision or ignore any negative signs you see. Also, you’ll be able to work out your differences and not leave the marriage at the slightest provocation.
      In summary, I do not support cohabitation because I don’t see how it helps you and as a Christian, I believe it is wrong (unless you can cohabit without having any kind of sexual contact or even thoughts)

    • O

      November 7, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      BS!!!

    • Jennifer

      November 8, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      O you’re the one that’s saying bs actually. Smh.

  8. Jare

    November 7, 2014 at 2:50 am

    Co habitation is a bad idea. Firstly, marriage is a lifetime commitment and it should be based on unconditional love. The reason why you shouldn’t have sex before marriage is that it shouldn’t be the basis why u chose to stay or leave a marriage. The reason why you shouldn’t live with someone before u marry them is that choosing to marry someone is a decision, a decision to love that person flaws and all. Living with them doesn’t help to bring any deal breakers to the light, it just complicates ur relationship. Finding those things out and working through them is the real beauty of marriage. My 2 cents! Call me archaic but I believe in the word of God and its authenticity. God can help you make your marriage as beautiful as u want it to be. Cohabitation just automatically accepts that sex before marriage is acceptable. It is not as a child of God, if you are one let the holy spirit convict you. God rewards obedience…

    • Beegal

      November 7, 2014 at 11:30 am

      What if you co habit without the sex part?

    • chynwa

      November 7, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      Lol. Is that humanly possible? I laf in Greek. Lmao oooo

    • Sagittarius

      November 7, 2014 at 9:46 pm

      @Beegal, that’s possible, if u and your partner are on d same page.

  9. blah blah

    November 7, 2014 at 6:33 am

    Isn’t the base word ‘co-habit’? I thought research and statistics show that couples who co-habit are more likely to divorce than couples who don’t. There are things you can take when you know you can walk out of the relationship anytime that will just break you down when you finally sign the dotted lines.
    And if your only argument is that you get to know your partner better then co-habitation is a big fail. Arguments against –
    1. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Yeah yeah freaking cliché but there are too many stories that touch. You date for 10 years live together for 6, have a baby, he breaks up with you and pops the question to someone he only dated for 6 months and didn’t even live with.
    2. Just how many guys are you going to end up living with in the name of getting to know properly before marriage? You change address after every broke relationship or engagement?
    3. I know first hand that men evolve as they get older. He will develop new traits that will please or irk you. My once upon a time very neat and organised father will turn the house into a junkyard now if you give him the opportunity. My mom doesn’t understand it and can’t get over it.
    4. And this links up very closely with 3. No matter how well you think you know a man before marriage, you will still discover new things after marriage. Take my friend for instance who lived with her husband before marriage. He cooked for her, washed the dishes. After marriage he stopped cooking and he would leave his plate on the table! Not even in the kitchen sink. It took several discussions and negotiations and the conception of their first child for him to ‘revert’ as it were.

    I hope with this many points of mine I have been able to dissuade you and not persuade you that cohabitation is very very, highly very unnecessary! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Remi

      November 7, 2014 at 9:26 am

      Thanks o jare, u are a blessing…

    • Anonymous

      November 7, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Blah blah:
      I agree with you.
      It doesn’t matter. No matter what you do, whether you live with the person or not, you see new things everyday. And about the engagement part, I know a Dare guy who was dating a girl for many years, many of us thought they’ll get married, he’s now engaged to someone he has only dated for a very short period of time, whenever I think of it, I shiver all over again. I can never comprehend how things like that happen.
      I don’t particularly like long relationships, long friendships are okay but dating for too long is a no no for me. Also, to co habit with your boyfriend or fiance is absolutely unnecessary.

    • Suz

      November 7, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Oh my. 
      I think I know the person you’re talking about.
      Personally, I wouldn’t want to date/marry someone who’s being in a past relationship for a VERY long period of time, especially in a relationship where both parties thought they’ll get married. The reason is, even after some relationships end, the feelings don’t go away just like that. What people see on instagram these days aren’t the reality of things; we live in a very fake world. If you were in a serious past relationship for so long, even after the break up, they’re many things (consciously or unconsciously) that’ll remind you of the person.
      I mean I have a friend who proposed to someone just to spite his ex, that’s a recipe for disaster. Whether or not his ex feels it, he has also put himself in even greater danger and his new fiance. These days things about relationships don’t interest me. Dating, Co-habiting, Engagement, Marriage, etc. These days, relationships are really stressful to think of and handle, to make things worse we live in a fake world. A world where social media depicts the exact opposite of what’s truly going on in our lives. Almost everything is for show. ‎

    • Uy

      November 7, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      @Anonymous,
      Buy Dare, do you mean Dare Aliu? Chei, Lagos is so big yet so small.

    • Taiwo

      November 7, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      THANK YOU!!!!!!

  10. BN lover

    November 7, 2014 at 6:56 am

    So u r saying it is okay to do the do before marriage???

  11. Grown Woman

    November 7, 2014 at 7:36 am

    I think co-habitation is good as it helps both of you to decide what to keep up and what not to tolarate before settling down.Nobody want’s surprises when you guys have been married.

  12. teekay

    November 7, 2014 at 7:56 am

    Well from what you wrote sleepover once in a while is fine by me, but dat one of cohabiting like leaving couples life while u r not married is unacceptable by me pls. Some girls wud just pack box nd all to dir bf place nd be living there for months. Pls save some part of u for ur wedding night na. If u ve given everything while dating what wud u ve to offer when married. What wud be dat sparkling thing he as been waiting to get biko.

  13. omooba

    November 7, 2014 at 7:57 am

    So what happens if you guys break up? You keep co-habitating with every guy until you get married? Crap.

  14. Vanessa

    November 7, 2014 at 8:01 am

    Firstly, this isn’t the appropriate definition of cohabitation, frequent/periodic sleepovers aren’t . Living together is. Secondly, while frequent/periodic sleepovers might be helpful to both parties, if they both have self-control (I am pro wait-till-the-wedding-night), I do not think living together is. That one is ‘see-finish’.

  15. winifred

    November 7, 2014 at 8:05 am

    I share a different opinion. Co-habiting doesn’t increase your chance of having a successful marriage and most definitely not a smooth first few years. As a matter of fact, statistics from CDC show that people who co-habit are more likely to divorce than people who didn’t (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_028.pdf). You can spend quality time and get to know your partner without living with the person before marriage. It’s a state of mind. Marriage is for the long ride, co-habiting has that taste of ‘trial and error’. Also, ask even people married for 50 years plus, you never know someone completely. You keep learning till death. Co-habiting does nothing to fix that. If there is a deal breaker in a relationship, you don’t need sleepovers/ live-in to figure it out. Every other thing can be worked through. There is a reason it’s called two different names ‘dating’ and ‘marriage’. Once the line is blurred with ‘co-habiting’, it becomes very complicated. It may not show immediately, but it always springs up in the future of that relationship. For the spiritual aspect of it, if you believe in God, it’s also a no-no.

  16. PACE

    November 7, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Co-habitation has its pros as well as its cons. Ona has highlighted some pros which are very valid, same way Toma highlighted cons which are equally as valid. This is one of them issues where it’s imperative that people go with what works best for them. I had a housemate of the opposite sex in the past(not cohabiting) and learnt some vital things from the experience. This housemate of mine isn’t a damsel but she is good looking and very well-spoken. I got carried away by this and concluded she’s a good fit for a housemate based on my perception of her and this formed the basis of me allowing her to move in. A month or two down the line, I find out that my assessment of her based on her looks and being well-spoken wasn’t a valid reason for assuming she’ll make a good housemate. I can be disorganized and put things where they should not be during the course of the day but I make it a point of duty to tidy up the place before I shut down for the night. However, living in a dirty environment is a ‘no go’ for me. I got to find out that this housemate of mine was not only disorganized but very dirty, her hygiene standards were at the lowest low and she was the perfect definition of lazy. I must add, very un-cooperative as well. There are loads of things which you’ll never know about a person until you actually live together. In my opinion, before one makes a decision such as committing to spend the rest of ones’ life with another person, you must know the person you’re committing to as much as you possibly can. For instance, if you’re a clean freak and commit to someone who’s as dirty as a pig, this might turn out to work against your union. Things must be done in moderation though, it’s not advisable to move in permanently with a guy when you’re not hitched to him yet as see-finish may set in.

  17. ada nnewi

    November 7, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Co-habiting the way you have described it is ideal…it gives you an idea of what his real expectations of a partner are and you can then decide if you want in or out…

  18. oj

    November 7, 2014 at 8:20 am

    No, I don’t agree. Why? Apart from my no 1 reason which is that premarital sex is a sin in God’s eyes, I have heard true life experiences whereby after the couple cohabiting gets married, they still see things they have never seen before. I think it was on bellanaija I read of an experience of a lady who lived with her boyfriend for a year before they got married. he was a prince charming when they were just living together and after they got married, he became a monster!

    I personally know a friend whose parents were cohabiting and the mother had had their children only for the father to come back one day and informed her that he had married another woman! Also know of a couple who have been cohabiting for over ten years, with 3 kids and the man is still in no hurry to get married to her. apart from that, his people don see her finish. no respect for the lady.

    i feel that cohabiting gives a man the opportunity to use a woman and dump her when he has found the “one”. Most men who cohabit are in no hurry to get married (after all, they are enjoying the benefits of marriage without getting married), the lady starts getting hypertension, worrying when the man would pop the question and how to answer those asking her “when are you both getting married?” (admit it, most women who agree to cohabit want to get married).

    You think cohabiting will reduce marital issues? most couples today cohabit before getting married and divorce rates are still very high.

    Women, please be wise. men are using this avenue to take advantage of women these days, esp naija men o.

  19. dee

    November 7, 2014 at 8:27 am

    I cohabited with my now husband for about 18months. Though my parents objected to the idea when I told tgem I want to plan my service year to take place where my boyfriend is…They wrre afraid that he miggt sleep with me for the whole service year and got tired and bounce me out. I did my youth service living with him and then spend the next six months for wedding preparation: before finally marrying him…..we have been married for almost 15 years now
    Yes !! There’s nothing wrong with cohabiting….and it is not compulsory either. Let everyone do wateva pleases them considering the people and the condition involved.

    • penelopeia

      November 7, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      I cohabited with my now husband for 11 months before we married (my mum knew). It was a learning experience, he was in a rush for us to get married. We fought over money to farting issues, but as you said, it is not compulsory. We are 3years happily married with a beautiful daughter.

    • adeanon

      November 7, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      money to farting issues- thats hilarious

  20. d'eL

    November 7, 2014 at 8:29 am

    loool… all of you ladies saying YES! ur on long thing keep deceiving ur self. see i am a guy and as guys we no like to see finish. co habitation only mks things complicated. so after ur done sleeping ova and seeing ya seves and he says he no want again… u cant force him too marry u. den u start all ova again b4 u knw u have turn to national census dat guys have counted. beta zip up and stay in ur fadas house till hes married u

    • Kili

      November 7, 2014 at 11:02 am

      So when you marry you wont see your wife finish? So what happens afterwards. You start cheating on her cos you have seen herr finish and are tired. I’m getting you.
      There will will always be a divide. Those for it and against it.

  21. Annie

    November 7, 2014 at 8:31 am

    Bottom-line, it is not an easy business, whichever way you decide to follow, it is not easy!

  22. Idak

    November 7, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Sleepover is not co-habitation. It is also not a type of co-habitation.
    Secondly, the statistics on divorce rates for vat n sit evolved marriages do not support Ona’s argument. Published data do not show any advantage for vat n sit.
    At the end of the day, it is a personal choice but like most things in life, guarantees nothing.

  23. Personal Assistant

    November 7, 2014 at 9:11 am

    I have a friend who co habited with her bf and still married the same guy as a Virgin. Whether you co habit or not the man that will leave you will still leave you. Na God get power

    • madam @affordable_luxury01

      November 7, 2014 at 9:32 am

      truue

    • Idak

      November 7, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      Please define virgin?
      Also confirm that you had a CCTV in every room of the flat they shared.
      Finally, based on the answer to the first question, did you examine her hymen on her wedding night?

    • Colour Purple

      November 8, 2014 at 4:37 am

      Laugh wan carry me throway….

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      November 10, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      By Virgin I am guessing she meant un penetrated. Every other activities however, might have been carried out. Loool!

  24. xoxo

    November 7, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Hummmmmmmm So many virgins in 9ja!

    • like

      November 7, 2014 at 10:58 am

      Because they are doing every things under intimacy apart from penetrative sex

    • Happy baby

      November 7, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Virgin from the front only.

    • Jennifer

      November 7, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      Nigeria has a population of how many people? Just because some girls are useless doesn’t mean all are. These days you hear people say they are virgins and others make irritating sarcastic remarks. Just because there are people you claim to be virgins and take it from the back doesn’t mean all virgins are like that! There are many virgins in Nigeria, not just Nigeria, other parts of the world.

  25. ebunoluwa

    November 7, 2014 at 9:16 am

    Co-habitation is not a good idea. It only makes a woman less valuable. A woman is not “garri Ijebu” that you taste before paying for. Make your man wait for you, that way he would appreciate and value you.

    • ceetoo

      November 7, 2014 at 10:31 am

      What makes you think that it is only the woman that is getting “tasted”? The woman could also be “tasting” the man as well…. oh well to each his/her own.

  26. whatever

    November 7, 2014 at 9:23 am

    I have been one of those who vehemently kicked against co-habiting,but hey ‘I don change mouth o’.Though my circumstance is that I came over to write my a test and I couldn’t find a better place to stay than with my bf of over 8yrs. It feel so good living together, we have always have the strong bond,he never get tired of me. The truth is that we know we aren’t gonna get married because of our gentotype.but first let us enjoy the unlimited xes,the orgasm., et al I know I sin but altleast I don’t sleep around.God see me tru

    • John

      November 7, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Really? You obviously know you’re doing the wrong thing. I really can’t phantom why a few women like you live in self denial…the truth stares at you daily, even the genotype?? Wow! i wouldn’t judge you…but please seek the face of GOD. It isn’t all about sex after all…your own Husband will come to you once you quit and totally QUIT from this your ‘not getting married to him guy”. Apparently, you are the one blocking your marriage breakthrough. (God is forgiving too)
      Thanks in advance to move on thankful

    • Happy baby

      November 7, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      No be self denial.. She is totally aware of what she is doing.

  27. me

    November 7, 2014 at 9:29 am

    Dis write up shows dat 1: you d writer is cohabiting with a man currently or have cohabited with a man And you guys broke up but are still in good terms and you feel you enjoyed it and got the best part of the deal… 2: am guessing you aint married yet… See_finish na bad tin oo.. I swear to God… A man likes to search for tins.. To try for tins… Especially tins he knos he won’t get easy… Yea… They live for the thrill… My good sisters… Lock it up.. Padlock an with biggggg padlock… Rubbish… Yeye dey smell… As I fine reach.. Hia! Never!!! Daughter of a king!!! The most high God. Sister dis is bad advice. You no try walahi… Anybody wey take dis advice, na your head e dey… Am disappointed in you… Ladies, let’s see ourselves as prices to a man deserving… Good tins take time, like Jacob, if he loves you he’s gon wait.. He’s gn try to be with you… Your part my dear sisters?, come clean with him.. Be honest.. Be accomodating, be Godly and give him the best relationship of his life… Dats wat gets the ring on your finger…. God bless you all.. @Blah blah.. You d best.. Loved your comment.. Georgett is a naughty girl.. Iya iya o.. Shame on you

    • ada nnewi

      November 7, 2014 at 10:09 am

      What hole did you crawl out from?

  28. mine

    November 7, 2014 at 9:30 am

    @ Sonia, Ona and All,

    How many people will one spend the night with/Cohabit with before settling down.

    Assuming you cohabit with one and you find some unwanted traits, you shift to another, and the to another, yet to another….and the cycle continues.

    Except you want to tell it to the gods, will you cohabit and not sleep together/have sex? Not possible (even if its as small as feeling each other/sizing each other up).

    Now you have cohabited with 5 guys/girls, had different personalities, tasted different male/female organs and lets say you finally get settled after number 2, 3 or 4.

    No other thing gives rise to adultery in marriages as much as previous/past experiences. He can’t satisfy you sexually, emotionally and other aspects because you have tasted others.

    Now you are married, after cohabiting with 2-3) and your eyes are still outside.

    Let me finalize by telling you that it is a lie of the devil.

    You can live with someone for 50years and not know everything about the person(e.g having a child out of wedlock, a side chick…etc)

    You can also know someone enough by spending quality time with the person through going out together, doing stuffs together, going places

    A person’s major character and attitude is in those little little things he does around you within those few times he spends with you.

    If a man would be promiscuous, no amount of you being an FBI will detect it. For how long would one keep trailing a man to be sure he is all you want and not cheating. If he travels on official assignment or you do nko? If he sees the side chic during office hours nko?

    Make your paths straight, ask God for a Godly man and all would be well.

  29. madam @affordable_luxury01

    November 7, 2014 at 9:32 am

    Co-habitation is a really good idea for me, it makes you understand your atner more. no one is saying you should ve sex.
    the thing is that it shouldn’t start immediately when you start dating. it should start at least when you are sure of each other and you know each others parents.
    it kind o grooms you into being a better life partner

  30. mindblowing

    November 7, 2014 at 9:34 am

    no no no!
    you know most times, women like to figure out ways to justify their actions, when it back fires you would have no justification at all.
    lets go back to the ancient times where it was a no go area, and compare the marriages we had then and now. the truth is, without blinking a mighty contrast. those marriages lasted for years and the divorce rate was below 0%. However, now before we say jack-robinson… a marriage of three months would be heading for the rocks. Ladies today are doing the wrong things in other to get the “perfect man”, create extravagant weddings and all sorts..
    the truth still boils down to our attitude and mentality towards marriage. if you have a rotten attitude your marriage would not last, if you like cohabit with him from now till thy kingdom comes.
    cohabiting would not guaranty you a smooth marraige or a perfect man. yes! it may prepare you before hand as regards his personality and what have you. but, in the long run you can never be well bred when it comes to marraige.
    in a nutshell i disagree with your position.

    • C'est moi

      November 7, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Sorry to say but that is an ignorant comparison, women had no options in those times. Women had no means of sustaining themselves independently & respectably, and had no rights whatsoever! Women and their children were the property of their husband. You could not divorce your husband and if for whatever reason you were able to leave the marriage, the children stayed with the father & you’d be cast into the yonder. The marriages you speak of were not based on love, women married & stayed married for their own preservation.

      And I wouldn’t even hold the present older generation as yardsticks for an ideal marriage or the gens before. Most live together yet live separate lives, sleep in separate rooms or even wings of the house (if even in the house at all) and only meet and exchange pleasantries when the wife serves him food on a gold platter. Or when they have a function to attend & don their matching robes and fake masks of marital bliss. Please.

      Another thing, stop faulting women , a marriage /co-habiting relationship is a partnership, if it goes topsy-turvy it doesn’t by default mean it was the woman’s fault or she wasn’t ‘well bred’ (what a horrid degrading term).

    • madamnk

      November 7, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      I don’t know what ancient times you’re talking about but certain cultures permitted co-habitating before marriage. I know mine did. At the end of the day it’s up to the couple to do what they feel is best.

  31. Chop and clean mouth

    November 7, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Ladies be shooting themselves in the leg

    Cohabitation good for the guys na

    Shebi na to dey chop clean mouth dey go

    After 6 months, change to another person, chop and clean mouth. Na babes go dey get too emotional say na him deflower me (flower ko, hibiscus ni)

    Cohabit ko, cohabitation ni

    • Akua Y

      November 7, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Hahaaha na him deflower me :p 😛

  32. Dr. N

    November 7, 2014 at 9:41 am

    How many men will u co-habit with?
    Men change over the years.
    Can u abstain while living with him?
    Wouldn’t u want d freedom that comes with being single? You’ll lose it eventually. What’s d hurry?

    • adeanon

      November 7, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      you always make such sense!, men do change over the years. from flowers and coffee in bed every sunday …i now have someone who snores and is grumpy …switches tv immediately to CNN

  33. dp

    November 7, 2014 at 10:55 am

    I so so disagree with this as a single guy or lady, those days should be enjoyed not already doing marriage role when you are not yet married. Staying together does not guaranty that the relationship will work. I will never never support it, cos it is worse for a woman, cos when you dont finally get married, it is the woman that really feel the pain more. I am team no NO NO NO NO NO NO all the way

  34. lola

    November 7, 2014 at 10:57 am

    abegi rules rules rules!!!!!!!! do want makes YOU happy. but seriously I noticed the married ones are saying yes while those saying no #i dont know ur statues# so as a single lady hoping to get married co-habitation is the way to go

    • Anonymous

      November 7, 2014 at 1:00 pm

      I mistakenly liked your comment, I do NOT agree.

    • Blessmyheart

      November 7, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      Well, I’m married and I say no. My point is you don’t have to sleep over or cohabit before you know a person well enough to make your decision. You keep learning about each other daily and people change so you have to be ready to work out your differences. Also, you can live with people you never met before for at least a year in a hostel but you think you need to transition to living with the person you claim to love? I don’t understand that, I’m sorry

  35. lee plenty

    November 7, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Who still seriously gives advice like this.. SMH. Co habitation has always been a big no no, will always be one. The Bible is clear, research and statistics have proven it. Please ladies for the love of God and yourselves…… NO

  36. TA

    November 7, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Do not co-habit unless you are married. Of course everyone is free to act as they please/choose, but know that statistics show that couples who lived together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. Do not co-habit unless you are married.

  37. Opinions

    November 7, 2014 at 11:34 am

    My opinion is cohabitation is a good idea, because you could learn a few things about your partner, that you probably don’t have discussions about, however it is important to remember that people change based on their experiences, as life goes on.

    General comments:
    Firstly, i don’t understand why such analogies are being used in comments:
    e.g “who pays for the cow when he is already getting the milk for free*, when referring to marriage and women. It makes no sense, are women simply commodities?. and even if you do not live with him before you get married, is that somehow increasing the probability that he will marry you, if he does want to?.

    @me Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, therefore it is important to take into consideration the author’s definition of cohabitation and not what you understand it to be. if you then disagree with the author’s view and decide to disregard and mock the author it reflects poorly on your character, Go check your Bible and see if that’s how God instructs us to deal with people.

    • BlueEyed

      November 8, 2014 at 2:19 am

      Yes technically women are commodities in societies where bride price and dowries are still paid and the man is seen as the King. Now Nigeria still falls under that category so Blame culture,tradition and generational practices for that.

  38. Fabulicious

    November 7, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    COhabiting=Law of See Finish……..Capital No.This shouldn’t even be a topic for consideration because even those that do it kinda know deeeeep down that it’s somehow.

  39. www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com

    November 7, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    I’m sitting on the fence on this one.

  40. anjiesmum

    November 7, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    i think its whatever rocks your boat, leaving the moral issues aside. Living with someone does not guarantee they won’t change afterwards plus what is the rush anyway? playing home when you have the rest of your life to do that. it is heavily frowned upon in our culture too, i always had to tell my parents i was working(haha perk of being a health professional) when i did the occasional sleepover at my boyfriends place, good thing we ended up together.

  41. D

    November 7, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    To each his/her own. I did not co habitat and I have a good and happy marriage but that was a personal choice, although people will argue that he slept over at my parents a few times but never in the same room. It has to be something you choose to do not something you do because of what people/ church/society has dictated is the right thing to do. It is a personal decision and something you have to be comfortable with, that is, a decision that no matter the consequences/repercussion/outcome you would be able to stand by your decision and be ok with it.

  42. Deep Soul

    November 7, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    I say a very big NO to co-habitation!!

    As a single girl, I spent a lot of time with the person I eventually married. But I still had my own house. I do not agree with the theory of packing all your ngwongwo to a man’s house! I feel it is self disrespecting (Is that correct English? :D)

    But even with all the plenty time we spent together, nne, marriage is an entirely DIFFERENT ball game. He did not change as a person. But when I became wife, he expectations of me changed!! Someone who never cared whether I cooked or not suddenly made it an issue o! According to him, even if not for his sake, for the sake of our (then) future children, visiting inlaws etc etc

    Truth is, if you are not wife, you are not wife o! A relationship that isn’t marriage may sail very smoothly because both parties do not place certain expectations on each other. Once you get married, you automatically expect your husband/wife to do or not do certain things.

    Marriage is too freaking multi-faceted for you to want to do “testing testing” in the name of cohabitation. There are so many issues – sex, finance, domestic issues, children, inlaws etc etc
    And till you sign those lines mehn, you have not seen NADA!!

    And lastly, boy did I enjoy my life as a single girl! Whattttt!! Right from a young age, I always promised myself that somewhere between the period I’m in my father’s house and the period I get married, I MUST live ALONE in a different city and I did!! I grooved all the groove I could groove and now that I’m married, I do not feel like I’m missing out on much. Although sometimes these days, I sit down and fantasize about my single life, the coziness of my bedroom, waking up at 12 noon on weekends, deciding not to cook for one month (or more sef :D) etc etc. Now that I am married with a kid and another on the way, I realise those days are gone forever. Well, not forever but maybe till my last kid is 15years old, lol!

    And then I see SINGLE GIRLS who have decided to pack all their ngwongwo and FULLY LIVE with a man, ahhhhhhh!!!! The thing dey pepper me for body!!!!! Enjoy your single days because at the end of the day, you’ll have more married days than single days and naturally you’ll miss them!!

    I have so much to say about this but I’ll step on my brakes for now :p

    • chynwa

      November 7, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Nne iji okwu biko especially living alone in a different city for some time before signing the dotted lines…co-habi fire. Odiegwu!

    • thatbabe

      November 7, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      lol!!! you are so right!
      i tell my hubs some day i miss being single
      when i tell my singles friends to enjoy being single they don’t understand….marriage and having kids changes everything

    • Colour Purple

      November 8, 2014 at 5:29 am

      You made so much sense, I’m married too and I agree with you about changing expectations…no amount of living together before marriage can guarantee smooth sailing even identical twins that have been cohabiting from zygote stage still disagree much less two people from different backgrounds

  43. Gorgeous

    November 7, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Please DO NOT EVER COHABITATE!!!! It takes away from everything. The joy and excitement of living together as man and wife. Also, chances are that the man will see you finish and move on. Weekends are enough. Don’t live with your man. At least let him look forward to marrying you and having you for himself after he has done the right thing. Sell yourself too cheaply and you will get treated cheaply. Please respect yourself, and live your life. Enjoy being single. Cohabiting means trapping yourself with a man who is not good for you. In the time you are cohabiting, you may miss out on a good man who would have made a good husband for you. You will keep dwelling on a potentially bad relationship out of fear of scorn, or starting again. Heck you may even get pregnant and trap yourself in the process with someone whom, if you were living separately, you would have run away with all your senses in tact. Knowing what you know now. Trust me, if you know what you want. The basic no-no’s for you in a man, you will not need ot live with him to make a decision on if you can spend the rest of your life with him.

  44. C'est moi

    November 7, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    I hold no religious view on the matter.

    It isn’t a necessary requirement but I am in support of sharing living space with your partner for short-medium periods of time. A bit of back & forth from his place to yours, exchanging keys (in a committed relationship, you must feel comfortable in each others space) travelling together & what not. But reserve indefinite cohabitation for marriage (if that’s your thing) – just so you have something new to look forward to & you’re also legally protected under law too if things take a wrong turn.

  45. thatbabe

    November 7, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    if you cohabit or don’t co habit does NOT GUARANTEE success in marriage
    if a man wants to marry you, he will co habit or not!
    if you are not compatible with your partner, co habit and not will not change that

    The only thing that makes a marriage or is KNOWLEDGE. As a matter of fact, the only thing that makes anything work is knowledge!
    understanding and knowing who your partner (whether bf or fiance or husband) , is a decision you personally have whether you co habit or not!!!

    i hear some say “he will see you finish, so don’t co habit,” or “he will leave you and marry someone he barely knew” my dear when you get married he will still see you finish., AND he could still marry you and leave you for someone else!!!..so it doesn’t matter!!

    if you have get involved with someone with no boundaries, standard and morales, and most ESP without GOD! co habit or not would not change a thing!!!

    whats important is the state of mind of the individuals involved in the relationship and marriage

    • ....

      November 7, 2014 at 6:22 pm

      Nothing wrong if he ‘sees you finish’ when you’re married. The only headache is seeing you finish when you’re not even sure of what the future holds. If your husband doesn’t see you finish as you said, who will?
      In life they’re no rules, however these days, many things that we do that we clearly shouldn’t, makes things difficult and even more complicated for us. I’m sure our Parents generation weren’t having this much headache with relationships as they did things differently.

  46. anonymous

    November 7, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    I have come to learn that in life, there are no hard and fast rules. Just guides which you have to adapt to fit the situations life throws at you.

    To all those playing the “see finish” card – what happens when you’re finally married and living with this person? I guess the “see finish” won’t happen then because you’re married or it just wouldn’t matter anymore. Again, because you’re married.

    To all those playing the “sex” card – I find your argument rather funny. We all know it doesn’t take “all night” to have sex. The fact you do not sleep over or live with your boo doesn’t mean you don’t have sex in your cars, offices, hotels or even on those short one hour visits so what’s your point?.

    Cohabiting as soon as you enter a relationship? I’ll say NO! A few months in? Still No!! Like some people have pointed out “how many people will you live with before settling down”. Cohabiting for the sake of cohabiting? You guessed right, NO!!! However, when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time (read two years and upwards), you’re 70% sure you can spend the rest of your life with this person and the NEED arises, then I do not see the big deal.

    I am a guy in my late twenties, and my boo of four years in her mid twenties currently lives with me. She is free to do what she wants as am I and that wouldn’t change when we eventually get married. Oh yes we will…early 2016 (except she say she no do again…lol) and I’m a catholic for that matter. I know it’s against the “law” however, this is what works for my own situation and I’m sticking with it

    The need arose for me. My girlfriend lives with me.

    • ....

      November 7, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      One can never be sure they’ll eventually get married when dating. It is not guaranteed till the question is popped, people don’t understand that. Look up and read the comments about the people that thought they’ll get married. Besides that, it’d just the fact.
      I don’t like Co habiting but kudos to whoever decides to it. If you’re doing it to know your partner well, epic fail as you’d never know someone well enough. Till ones last breath, you learn new things about the person constantly. Even some of my girlfriends, I learn new things about them every day that amazes me as I never knew before and must of us have been friends for long. Nothing wrong spending weekends or some days with your partner and by that I mean fiance, but actually living there when you’re not married is a NO NO, in my opinion. Everyone is however entitled to theirs.

    • IslandGirl

      November 7, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      And let the church say … AMEN! (ok God’s children, it’s just an expression)

      While I don’t support living together, I have to say, I think sleepovers are necessary. And no people, that doesn’t automatically mean sex will happen.

      It’s from sleepovers I discovered some VERY annoying habits my boyfriend has. Maybe because we are long distance it took a sleepover for me to see, but I never would have noticed otherwise because he does these things indoors. At night before he sleeps, when he just wakes up.

      But do you know, I can say I love him and mean it more than I did before I found those out? Regardless of those habits (which I’m working to curb), I love him.

      This see finish talk, how about the woman see finishes and say she won’t do again? (No, I won’t go on a feminist rant here, but food for thought)
      As my guy has said, you kids KNOW you don’t need to sleep over to have sex so let’s not play the sex card. Granted, it is more likely, but you’re two consenting adults (I hope), have a conversation about it.

      Finally, there is no guarantee besides God that your marriage will last. Co-habitation, sleepovers, being a virgin, or not, the only way to have a successful marriage, in my humble opinion, is to have God as a part of you marriage. So please do not crucify Georgette, she has a point.

    • Jennifer

      November 7, 2014 at 9:51 pm

      Co-habiting being “wrong” is not mainly because of sex, sex is very little compared to the other complications involved. Although I’m not a fan of it, it’s totally understandable when it’s with one’s fiance, but to cohabit with a bf? Wow. That’s why some girls take forever to get over guys when everything goes sour. Even with cohabiting with your bf, best believe there are still many other things about him you won’t know. Cohabiting doesn’t automatically mean you’d know each other better, if that’s what you think, you’re in for an epic shocker. Imagine one bad to cohabit with every bf to know them better?
      Whether you cohabit or not, it’s not every habit or everything you’d know and that’s the reality of it. So if cohabiting is to know one better, it’s a total waste of time. And like they say, time is money. This isn’t even about sex or religion, it’s the fact.

    • jho

      November 10, 2014 at 10:59 am

      LOL. @ Islandgirl Masturbation?

  47. Easy n Gentle

    November 7, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    I don’t understand this fear of see finish amongst women. If I can see you finish and not want you anymore perhaps you’re not worth marrying in the first place because as it turns out, see finish will always happen. For some, a matter of months, others years. If you see finish only after marriage, and you’re not impressed, then sadness and boredom sets in and the thinking you could have had better only that now, you’re very married and stuck.

    That said, I am a big fan of moderation. I think women should do sleepovers and spend weekends, couple of days at a day, not more. A mini skirt wearing lady is always more attractive than one on bikini.

    It is a duty on us all to keep growing and keep evolving, even when they think they’ve seen it all, we can still surprise them and renew their admiration of us

  48. Faye

    November 7, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    I took a class called Sociology of Marriage, and there was a study that said people who co-habit before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who do not. This is not to say it will be the same in every situation, however I believe co-habitation should not be a pre-requisite for a good marriage. Our parents did not co-habit and some of their marriages are still strong, it is not in the African culture to cohabit but I guess things are changing.
    As a christian, co-habitation also means sex before marriage which is fornication and God frowns upon that. I would personally not choose to co-habit or even have sleepovers. It is possible to get to know about a person as much as you can without living together. Even if couples decide to cohabit it does not mean they would know absolutely everything about one another. It is possible to be married for 20 years and still not know everything about a person. As a practicing and believing Christian, it is a n0-n0. For Christians who accept cohabitation we sometimes feel we can pick and choose parts of the bible to obey and others not to, which is not okay. God is a holy God, and he desires holiness and total devotion. Co-habitation as a christian is almost a form of disregard for a holy God.

  49. jirla

    November 7, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    I know a guy who has been co habiting with a babe for two years and they even have a baby and he is shopping around for a wife. The poor girl doesnt have a clue…or maybe she does.

  50. fyre

    November 8, 2014 at 6:27 am

    In the words of Steve Harvey “Dont play the role of a wife to a man who isnt ur husband”…..yet

  51. nonijaz

    November 8, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    well, it works for some……. but nah!
    Y should I? there is some excitement in learning new things about the person u will spend forever with!!!. I think co-habiting just makes everything look routine. Man or woman, marriage wasn’t made to be tested before entering, its a decision to love irregardless of little things that come. I am totally against sex before marriage, so this is no option for me.
    Haba! call me traditional or religious, but some things are like gifts, deserving to be unwrapped specially! Co-habiting kills suprises!

  52. babygiwa

    November 8, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    its a NO NO NO NO NO NO for me

  53. DIG

    November 8, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    No Ma!

  54. NigerianVirgin

    November 10, 2014 at 10:55 am

    LOL. I have kinda lived with my bf (now my ex). More like an occassional sleep over
    I am a virgin. We never had sex, anal, oral , fondling or any such thing. The most we shared were kisses. I never cooked because of him or wahsed his clothes. but it was fun and i did get to know him better.
    Today hez my ex but we still respect each other. there is no atom of see-finish.
    so yes, its possible to cohabit and stay without sex but i encourage it.

    • NigerianVirgin

      November 10, 2014 at 10:56 am

      *I do not encourage it

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