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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: In With The Stirrings, Out With The Logic!



When people are in a public place and you can hear people’s telephone conversations, you begin to ask yourself why you left your earphones at home. You struggle to stifle your mild irritation until you hear: “You know men now… they think with their penis!”

Eureka! You have a Banter topic for Monday.

During my short stay on this side of the divide, I’ve heard this statement said a LOT of times… and mostly by women. Not men.. the supposed owners of said penile-influenced thoughts. No! Women.

I thought about the men in my life and wondered how many of the decisions they made under penile advisement. Did my father decide to send me to school in Ilorin under penile direction? Did my brother choose his son’s school while guided by the stirrings of his penis? Ah! Could it be that my uncle built his Ogbomosho house after listening to the murmurs of his genitals?

I don’t think so.

Where did this assertion come from and how did it get so much traction that it has been passed down, over the years, from woman to woman? Did the first man whisper it into the ear of the first woman and thus began the trail of this interesting position?

So, I picked up my phone and buzzed my friend, Tej. ‘Do men think with their penises?’ He replied, ‘Yes and no.’

Ah ha! So there was a premise for the assertion. I had been looking at this from a completely myopic view. Tej went on to explain that a man might make a decision on something important if there was a possible prospect of sex at the end of the transaction. I asked if he would buy a car if it was possible that the car sales person was going to have sex with him. He said, not unless he actually was ready to buy the car. The sex would just be a bonus prize. ‘Would you send your daughter to XYX kindergarten because the head teacher was smoking hot and she winked at you at one of the Parent-Teacher- meetings?’ No, he said. Ahn ahn. So when does a man think with his penis now? Tej wasn’t being helpful, so I buzzed my ever faithful Mo. The repository of ALL (good/bad/evil/slimy) information on earth.

“Mo, do men think with their penises”.

“Women like to believe we do. But we don’t.”

“Ah, thank you. This is exactly what I will write in my Banter tomorrow. That Tej was just giving me roundabout answers.”Atoke Cheerios

I went on to tell him about Tej’s inexplicable Yes/No theory. Then, he explained that Tej was right in a way. According to Mo, if there’s a prospect of getting sex from the head teacher, a guy’s base instinct will be to push and push and push for the choice of that school. Even if the prospect of sex was a teeny-weeny glimmer. He would still try. He went on to explain that it is the same ‘Konji’ over logic that makes a perfectly sensible man to have unprotected sex with a woman he has only just met. Extreme horniness then takes the place of common sense.  It isn’t that he doesn’t KNOW that AIDS is real, or that he really should strap up. He is simply acting along with his base instinct.

He, however, said he didn’t get why women kept saying ‘men think with their penises’ as if they knew for sure. I responded that I believed it is part of making excuses for a grown man’s actions or inactions. For instance, a woman who is with someone who is unfaithful would rather comfort herself and say it’s not his fault… his errant penis is leading him astray. The penis takes the blame.

It is this thing about the over-glorification of sex and all its ancillary components. The greatest of sins and the worst of crimes – almighty sex.

On the subject of penile gratification, there’s also the pre-supposition that upping your aesthetics game has a long term sexual reward. So if a man is driving a super dope car, and he’s dressed to the nines, it is for the prospect of taking home a hot babe. While a woman may argue and say she is looking hot for herself, a guy might more readily admit that he’s doing it for the honeys. Again, maybe this can be filed under thinking with your penis, since at the end of the long night out you might end up getting some.

It might be grossly unfair to limit the sum of a person’s thought processes to the urgings of one’s genitals. Would you be offended if someone said your entire thinking faculty was solely driven by your netheryaya. Do you think that men think with their penises? Does this issue of Genitals Over Logic affect women as well? Or does this lie solely at the feet of men?

Just for fun, what’s the craziest and most illogical thing you’ve ever done… driven solely by your desires. Goodbye, Common Sense. Hello Base Instincts.

Have a fantastic week ahead. Question the norm. Make someone smile. Be happy.

Peace, love & ONE cupcake! (Just because I smell Christmas in the air)


Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Lucian Coman

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. nono blessed

    December 8, 2014 at 9:28 am

    Waiting for una comments

  2. Neo

    December 8, 2014 at 9:48 am

    Its the age old argument (which i don’t buy into btw) that men are creatures of desires and can have sex independent of emotions, which is why they are seemingly always ready to stick it in the nearest receptacle. women are more emotional, and therefore attach a lot of significance to anything sexual, our brain makes us analyse situations endlessly even when basic instinct wants to take over. Sometimes we desire a man we just met as much as he desires us, we want to ride that pony! But then the brain wheels start turning, “he’ll think I’m a ‘ho” “will he respect me in the morning?” “will he marry me?” “what if i get pregnant?” By the time we have run the entire wheel of these processes the fire burning in your loins would have been cooled by our icy logic and we are zipping up those jeans fast. A man? I’ve had male friends tell me that when their Junior is up to bat they really don’t hear anything, all they hear is go go go! Like you said, they aren’t thinking of STDs, HIV or pregnancy. They just want to bust the nut! (Pardon my language) I don’t really think its a case of men thinking with penises and women not being wired that way. For me it more about the world and its notions, those who suffer consequences of such mistakes (usually women) and the person involved. No one can tell me there is no man disciplined enough to tame his tiger if a naked Kim Kardashian is giving him a lap dance! Not because he isn’t attracted to her or doesn’t want her but simply because of consequences he would rather avoid.

    • TheRealist

      December 8, 2014 at 10:11 pm

      Too much stereotyping. If women were so “analytical” the one-night-stand would not exist.

  3. Personal Assistant

    December 8, 2014 at 10:02 am

    In my opinion, I will say Yes and No. Depending on the situation a man might think with his Kpak or with his Senses. Many times, It is even the people that you least expect to use their Kpak to reason, that use it to reason more. That’s why a father can rape his daughter/ ward in his care. Just a few man reason with their brains.
    My first employment was gotten through the reasoning of the Kpak not the Brain. See me happy that I got a job without even dropping my credentials. Na when I don start work my eye neat.
    The crime wey Penis don cause sha……
    I feel men really want to really want to use their brain but third leg no dey let them focus


      December 8, 2014 at 10:28 am

      Are You Still At That Job, if yes, How did you pay to retain the job without your credentials..

  4. pink davis

    December 8, 2014 at 10:04 am

    The p***** is never to blame neither is the vajayjay, it is simple based the individual’s personality, strengths, weaknesses and culture. However when you mix it with pride, greed, people pleaser or societies rules on what a man can and can’t do, this also applies to women. We create a gap and make assumptions that may be true or not true, It can easily become a “blame everything on man syndrome” I will recommend reading Steve Harvey book called Think like a Man or watch the movie, it’s raises a lot of point about this issue.

  5. Personally

    December 8, 2014 at 10:05 am

    1. Monday morning is too early to be discussing “P’ talk. Let us just say we live in a wayward generation. What we hear, read and see affects our being. The article will cause a lady out there to be imagining/remembering P’s and the after effects. Monday morning is the time to give a focused, inspiring, stimulating, encouraging Banter for people who have no jobs and need one, those trying ot make ends meet for xmas…….

    2. Since you have brought it up, let me say some words. Each one is entitled to his/her opinion. If that is what ladies think, fine but definitely not true. I have said it and i am saying it again. Babes need to stop thinking guys wanna befriend them cos he wants to get into their pants. Sex is so cheap like pure water that a guy doesn’t have to run after one girl, spend all his hard earned income or think with his P just cos of a one off with her. Naaaa

    Anytime i see a lady act or say anything thing related to that, i tell her straight up and ladies need to change their perception. If i want sex, i no where to get it without disturbing myself. As i write this, if i need to get it now, i know where to go. Rather than think with my P by doing/making irrational decisions, i will call a ******* pay her for the services , which wont be up to the amount i will spend chasing a girl cos i wanna get into her pants.

    Get it into your head chic, am not chasing u cos i wanna get into your pants! (For what na?)If i want sex, i know those who will freely give or pay for my services and wouldnt have to make irrational decisions. I never think with my P. P is an organ and can’t act by itself except if the brain send a message down there and there is a reaction. If you wanna yab a guy, just say guys think based on emotions/feelings!

    Babe, am chasing you cos i am attracted to you, i love your company, maybe bored of my relationship and want something new or i dont have a girlfriend and wanna date you.

    If i chase you, it means you mean a lot to me
    Get that babes!

    • Personal Assistant

      December 8, 2014 at 10:43 am

      You don talk finish?
      Only someone who thinks with Penis pays an unknown person for sex. Hope you know?


    December 8, 2014 at 11:06 am

    This topic is very subjective and it applies to different men in varying degrees, so I wouldn’t bother going into detail. And yes, I’ve heard just as many men say they think with their penises as I’ve heard women do, maybe just not in those same words. That said, even when people say men think with their penises I’m certain they do not mean that the penis is the organ men use in making every decision, just those where sex is the endgame and I’m sure you know this Atoke.

    Anyhoo… Sex is actually a very powerful tool, people who say sex is overrated just don’t have a clue. And it’s for this reason that you see some people make sometimes illogical ‘genital influenced’ decisions, both men and women alike. Thankfully I’ve never been one of those people, save for when I errrr found myself going from Lekki 1 to Magodo at 1am alone.. One of those illogical genital-influenced decisions made in the days of youthful exuberance.

    • Easy n Gentle

      December 8, 2014 at 8:31 pm

      How did the leki-magodo at 1am trip end, dear?

  7. anonymous

    December 8, 2014 at 11:37 am

    @ Personnally,i really buy every of ur opinion…monday morning,brain tot coordination n results,awww ……n @ SEX IS CHEAP!. YEAH,nowadays…LORD SAVE OUR SOULS! Though some men stil chase based on sex(d butt/boobs size/shape amongst odas r things that stirs a guy in a particular direction).

  8. lagosmummy

    December 8, 2014 at 11:48 am

    ‘Konji over logic’!!! best line…

  9. Chris

    December 8, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    it’s more of a two- way thing. like you clearly pointed out that ate moments when John T pops up and the medulla chills. however, I think with the present generation of very expressive ladies, it is no longer a male exclusive thing. it all boils down to how the individual views and perceives the opposite sex. a guy, whose system is wired to believe that any lady (hot or cold) will best serve his crotch, then most of his decisions would be genitalia inspired; same thing applies to established ladies, that seek out hot guys, and run wild imaginations, with the mere thought of a man’s bare chest.

  10. Blackbeauty

    December 8, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Yay! Cupcakes finally. Thanks for your stingy generosity…[email protected] just one cupcake.
    On the contrary Atoke, when women say men are thinking with their penises it is far from making excuses for them. I think it reduces them to beings who can be controlled by their genitals and have almost no self-control once their one eyed snake has been awakened. If anything, it puts them pat a lower level if I may, than the woman who would be thinking, I could never do that.
    On the whole, women tend to be ruled more by their heads than down below.

  11. abby

    December 8, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    Anoda nice one from d great write….plssssssssss can I meet u one-on-one? Seriously in need of a mentor…question d norm(dat got me thinking)#highlyInspired#

  12. chinco

    December 8, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Atoke you are such a good writer and you have such humorous choice of words…anyway to the guy up there who says the brain needs to send signals down to perform, you are wrong…an erection requires no cognitive or conscious thought

    • TheRealist

      December 8, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      Spoken like someone who’s never had an erection…

  13. babygiwa

    December 8, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    Lol at thanks for your stingy generosity…. True, I want two cupcakes! I think its yes and no like Tej said. Sometimes, men actually do think wiv their John Thomas and at some other times they can be very calculative, focused and disciplined. It has a lot to do with the character and personality of the man though

  14. adk

    December 8, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    It’s just a metaphor

  15. Wifey

    December 9, 2014 at 3:10 am

    You know there is a saying… Men are like tiles. If you lay them right, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

    Lol, let me say some men.

  16. nola

    December 9, 2014 at 11:03 am

    Atoke abeg what I am interested in is how you get all these pictures

  17. myveryownself

    December 9, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Lmao.. Personal Assistant I love u soooo much

  18. yemi olakiitan

    December 10, 2014 at 8:15 am

    Yay,i do agree!

  19. DOO

    December 10, 2014 at 10:43 am

    You are a very good writer, it is always fun reading your Monday Morning Banter. Keep it up! Regarding the topic, my view is if a man is led by the spirit, your p*nis will not do the thinking.

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