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Isio Knows Better: Cheating Women

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It is no secret that driving is one of my least favourite things to do. So, on that day when my good friend Raphael offered to drive- I did not just shakara at all, but sharply shifted to the passenger’s side before he changed his mind.

Preoccupied as I was with my phone – responding to emails and what-not, I was humming to myself in pleasure until…S-CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What the…?!
It was with such great force my lungs fell into my belly and my heart leapt into my mouth as Raphael swerved abruptly to the right. Walahi, I was not hexperrerit at all sha… e remain small e for jam the moto wey dey our front.

“RAPHAELLLLLLLLLLLL!”

I shrieked in terror, clasping the edge of my car’s dashboard – wondering if at all the sign that read SRS Airbag in my old, faithful silver car was more than just calligraphy. As much faith as I had in heaven and its singing angels, heaven herself knew I wasn’t ready to meet any of them in the celestial realm any time soon.

Raphael was very apologetic. I spent the next few moments checking my temperature and my joints.
Oghene biko o. Ra-pha-eli! Mind yourself o!” my mind quipped surly. Strangely I felt my soul chuckle. That one feared nothing and apparently found my theatrics and alarm amusing. I clicked my tongue at her.

I turned to Raphael. As shaken as I was- I realised he was shaken too, but was trying to handle it like a man. I asked him if he was okay- he said he was fine. Was he sure? He said no, not really. It was Elizabeth (his on and off girlfriend). He found out she had committed a great, grave sin. Apparently she had cheated with some dude. This was NOT the first time, nor the second. He was hurt, angry and confused.

“Why are women like this, Isio? I mean, why do women cheat?” Raphael asked.

“Hahhahahaaa! Question for the gods. Why do you think?” my mind mentally bared her fangs, still stewing and not quite willing to let it go so soon that Raphael almost catapulted us to heaven- against our will.

“Hey… Let it go, woman. It happened, we didn’t die. Moving on…” I chastised her.

Raphael’s floodgates were open now. And he spoke. Over the next hour he tried to make sense of his feelings and her betrayal while I listened.

I listened in silence and with fascination.

Fascination at the depth of a man’s love.

Fascination at that which makes many insist of suffering for what they imagine to be love, even though they know that it is bad for them, and that more importantly, it serves no purpose in actualizing their highest, grandest visions of themselves.

I am fascinated by the romanticizing of this kind of self-destruction as “true love”, and lastly, I am fascinated by the idealist’s idea that such bitter suffering to acquire/sustain another’s love makes it more worthy, more noble, more pure.

Errrr, it does not.

There is nothing noble about it. It’s just penance… the price you pay for an unworthy prize: a love that does not sustain your peace. But as it is in all things, all must walk their own paths, face the consequence of their choice and choose for themselves that which serves them best. Abi na?

“It is what it is, until it is not. Then it is something else”.

I didn’t realize I had said that out loud, until Raphael asked me what it meant. I told him that those were the words of my personal philosophy. That he needed to see things/people for what they were while they were in his life. That things are always as they are, but that we suffer because we imagine it different- ergo “It is what it is, until it is not. Then it is something else”.

He was still giving me the “look”, which made me chuckle and then I simplified it further by adding, “Listen Raphael, you guys have been together for eight years now. You have both been unfaithful at some point but seem unwilling to let each other go. The way I see it, you could either suck it up, stop complaining, marry her already and bear your cross for the rest of your life, or decide to split and give each other a chance for a fresh start. The third option is that you may decide not to make any decision for now, and keep doing what you are doing, until you are ready to make that decision about how you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life. – which will inevitably be the first or second option.”

He seemed to be considering this, so I asked him out loud the question he had asked me earlier, “Why do you think women cheat? And why do you think she did it again?”

And that was how the real discussion began.

Enthralled and piqued, I decided to explore this subject among many of my Nigerian male friends – to view this subject from a different perspective from the norm. Not just to bring to light the “why”, but to see if they understood why a woman would feel compelled to cheat at all. And if they did, the measures they took to preserve and protect their relationships based on their understanding.

According to them, a (Nigerian) woman would cheat:

  • If she no longer had an emotional connection with her spouse.
  • Out of curiosity (to see what’s out there, especially if her man is boring).
  • Out of revenge (to get back at an unfaithful partner / If she feels she can’t trust the man she is with).
  • If she is just a wicked girl who just likes to chop-and-clean mouth and not like to see the guy afterwards.
  • If she has had a string of bad experiences with men in the past.
  • Because of money.
  • If another man makes her feel “special”.
  • If Okafor’s law were to be tested.

Many (whom I spoke to) were of the opinion that it’s not as rampant as men’s infidelity but more malicious and calculated. Some expressed that these acts were mostly done by babes you would expect it least from.

Hmmmmn, things to ponder. Our women, over to you. If our men missed something please enlighten them. Victims and villains over to you too. Why do you think? Please bring to light these small-small hidden issues and let’s discuss them.

Personally, I neither condone nor celebrate infidelity, but if I were to be asked, I would say I believe women cheat to prove a point and men cheat because they can.

Have a lovely Tuesday my lovelies!

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

93 Comments

  1. Jy

    December 2, 2014 at 9:54 am

    I am both victim and villian. I had been with this guy for almost five years and I got bored so I decided to ‘explore’ (it was with just one dude sha). After that I felt so guilty only for me to find out that while mine was on so also was my bobo doing his thing. Not that his action made me feel less bad but after then we just called it quits

  2. Seun

    December 2, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Dear Isio, I’m an ardent reader f yr write ups, dey r jes so nice I’m addicted already. Well, I think women cheat wen thrs no longer emotional connection with their partner . Lack f atractn sha

  3. tomnmenace

    December 2, 2014 at 10:06 am

    ……women cheat to prove a point and men cheat because they can.
    gbam!
    I agree!

    • nhia

      December 2, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      I guess this makes the men feel good I guess? lmao. Ya’ll be there fooling yourself

    • veritasuem

      December 5, 2014 at 7:40 pm

      I cheated on my ex cause I was fed up, making out/sex was mostly when he wanted it which could be once in 3 months, he was also emotionally distant and would pull away from me if I made sexual advances when he didn’t feel like. I tried to talk to him severally about how he made me feel undesirable, things would change for like 3days then go back to normal, I just wanted to feel desired, I loved him but I couldn’t go back to feeling unloved so after I “did” someone else, I told him I was done shortly after…I wish he’d listened when I spoke…

  4. Fisa

    December 2, 2014 at 10:06 am

    I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

    Am so Glad that phrase has been yanked off from your article. Halleluyah!!!

    • LotusFlower

      December 2, 2014 at 11:47 am

      Yet you decided to resurrect it in the comments.

  5. Yt

    December 2, 2014 at 10:06 am

    Nice write up Isio.
    Pls, what’s Okafor’s law.

    • Adiaha

      December 2, 2014 at 11:10 am

      It means what u don chop before,u fit chop am again . Many people fall into dat law.

    • [email protected]

      December 2, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Sleeping with an ex out of familiarity. Its easier to have sex with an ex than with someone new

    • FoB

      December 2, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Once “debe”, always “debe”.

    • ekalor

      December 4, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Okafor’s Law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. joy

    December 2, 2014 at 10:08 am

    I think a lady would cheat if she does not get enough of attention she is looking for in a relationship, a lady would also cheat if the guy is always expecting her to asking for everything, instead of him giving her without asking.

    • MC

      December 2, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      You think women cheat because her partner doesn’t give without her having to ask first!?

  7. yomi

    December 2, 2014 at 10:21 am

    yeah i agree wit dat. women cheat to prove a point men do becos they can. like a friend differentiated men are like dogs they poo everywhere- women are like cats u dont see cats poo all ova the place like dat of dogs nd always calculative wen it comes to cheating.

  8. anonymous

    December 2, 2014 at 10:25 am

    Me I’m just happy that women cheat too

    • ceecee

      December 4, 2014 at 12:43 am

      best comment ever!

  9. Tope BANKS

    December 2, 2014 at 10:27 am

    Well infidelity can never be right….but life is never white nor black,personally I believe most women would cheat on their spouse if pushed to the wall,others are hard hearted and would cheat to chop and clean mouth but then again life always has grey areas…..

  10. Yea

    December 2, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Biko, what is Okafor’s law?

    • Dee

      December 2, 2014 at 11:06 am

      Hahaha! Read @BleedBlue’s comment below.

  11. Bleed Blue

    December 2, 2014 at 10:39 am

    LOL!

    I remember when I first heard of Okafor’s law. I almost choked with laughter.

    Who is this Okafor? And why and when did it become his law anyway?

    Sidenote: For those who may be wondering…Okafor’s law states that “When a man disvirgins a woman, he shall always have an unspoken right to revisit that land he first discovered”.
    This is me tryna use clean language here. The way I heard it was much much worse!

    • Jane Public

      December 2, 2014 at 11:33 am

      No my darling, it has nothing to do with virginity. Okafor’s law is once a congo has been shined by a man, it can be shined again. Virginity has norring to do with it. Just good ole’ congo shining. As for female infidelity, women are just paying men back in their own coin that’s all. If I am in a relationship or marriage that will let me go against everything that I believe in because of a mere mortal, best believe I will walk out first. Even the Bible permits Divorce in cases of infidelity, but you don’t hear them preaching that to women, all na forgive, forgive, until the woman gets sick of it and pays the man back. Mbanu. Nothing is worth losing your soul and dignity over. Le Boo has told me, it is grounds for divorce right there, and if the shoe was on the other foot, I should take him to the cleaners. You bet I will. Unfortunately in Nigeria, women have no recourse. If you live in an environment where the law is on your side, rather than cheat back, just attack his bank account, best believe to a cheating man, his money is more important to him than you, so take that away will you. As for Nigerian women in Nigeria, me I don’t know sha. Cheating back is not the way forward sha. If you want to stay, stay for other reasons, don’t stay and cheat.

    • iyke

      December 2, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      That law is flawed (lol) It’s been updated. The law states that once a congo is shined very well and eaten up very well to the point of helluva of earth shattering climax, then it can be re-shined again irrespective of the situation.
      @Fashionista, you are right, there is always one sexual experience that gets to your marrow that you never forget for the rest of your life.Your husband may not necessarily be the man you had that experience with, and that is where Okafor’s law comes into effect.
      #justmessing#lol#beingnaughty

    • Bleed Blue

      December 2, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      Aaaah! Then I was misinformed. It was sold to me as a special right for that single person to be referred to as the very Okafor.

      So essentially Okafor can be more than one person?…….. The plot thickens oh….

  12. etim

    December 2, 2014 at 10:43 am

    i think some women cheat base on bad experience they have encountered or money.because i dont see y a sincere guy will suffer hurt for what he his not responsible for.

  13. TANTRA

    December 2, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Men are no longer the ones tired of eating a particular soup everyday. Women too. Uwa n’eme ntughari. I would prefer to cheat without sex attached. My body is not a worship centre. Cheating out of revenge is silly.

    • Hafsat King

      December 2, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      Can one cheat without sex without it leading to sex afterall? Dont think so.

    • D

      December 2, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      O yes you can cheat without sex!!!Sex is just the cherry on top!!!! When your partner both male and female this one defies the battle of the sexes becomes emotionally dependant on someone other than you (that is cheating). You are actually worse off than someone that just had sex with somebody else. The sex might not happen for a long time sef, your relationship might be long over before sex happens but o yes it is so possible.

    • kelz

      December 7, 2014 at 11:15 pm

      Cheating can also be making that call and deleting it not only sex oooo….. Bt me I jst can still ever try to understand why girls ladies or women cheat its jst something I can’t phatom$$… PERIOD!!

  14. Nahum

    December 2, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Nigerian women cheat when their hearts have been broken by their husbands too many times. They feel they have nothing else to lose, so they just check out….I could be wrong though

  15. Abimbola

    December 2, 2014 at 10:53 am

    I absolutely agree with you ‘women cheat to prove a point, men cheat because they can’. If a man finds it difficult to satisfy a woman emotionally, psychologically, financially and otherwise she may be tempted especially if those around her aren’t in her shoes. Whatever the case is, there are usually warnings before destruction. Men need to be sensitive.

  16. Fashionista

    December 2, 2014 at 10:53 am

    A lot of people think your husband must automatically be your “best”, i.e. the one you share the most emotional connection with, the best sex you had etc. Most times they are wrong and it is only a very few women who will be honest about this, I am one of them. The best sex I’ve had was not my husband, my mind spins when I remember how great it was, and the person I’ve had the deepest emotional connectedness with, isn’t my husband either. Sometimes you just cant get what you want and may find yourself going after it ever though your current situation doesn’t “allow” it.

    • Jane Public

      December 2, 2014 at 11:47 am

      Oh wow, wow, wow, does he know that? If for example he happens to come across your computer by accident and he read that today, OMG, it will kill him. I think with emotional connection, you have to build it. The person you had that deepest emotional connection with, didn’t happen by accident, you both worked towards it. As for the best sex, also you didn’t come by it on its own. I wish you and hubby all the best. You deserve to have the best of everything with a spouse.

    • Fashionista

      December 2, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      E-hugs. Thank you for your words. To be honest I think it might just be one of those things.

    • papermoon

      December 2, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      Fashionista, is it a case of you didnt love him but married him anyway? why did you marry him? and how do you manage intimacy? i wish you will respond, really.

    • Fashionista

      December 2, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      Papermoon, I genuinely think people experience different kinds of love and i strongly believe no two love is the same in terms of how you express the love and your level of affection for whoever the person is. I love my husband and we have our own unique, affectionate rhythm, i’m saying though, that he is not the “best” sex I’ve had and not the highest level of emotional intimacy I’ve felt, this doesn’t mar what we currently have, it is just a simple fact. Surely, everyone cannot imagine they are these things to their spouses? Some will be, yes but it wont be all.

    • papermoon

      December 2, 2014 at 4:25 pm

      Thanks Fashionista for coming back with that insight. It was quite helpful……… with alot of wisdom too

    • Itha

      December 2, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      You all nw see why a lot of problems within marriage (not all) stem from som by product of pre marital sex. God cannot be mocked, we reap what we sow. If your spouse is ur first theres nothing to compare them too as a better sexual experience. You are forced to work at it if you feel it can be more bt the issue of it nt being ur best is removed. Also staying faithful afterwards is easier…. (of course this applies to Christians, I understand not everyone shares my faith)
      PS this is no condemnation but we act like theres no big deal with this issue of premarital sex, but truth is its a seed dt will germinate n bloom later. Pls be encouraged males n females that have chosen to keep yourself, God will bless your efforts amen.
      Pls if already married work to make your spouse your best, thats the best you both can do for yourselves n its very possible.

  17. Personal Assistant

    December 2, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Okafor’s law states that once a Congo has been shined once, it can always be shined provided it was shined properly the previous times.(emphasis on properly).
    In other words, once a lover, always a lover”
    This law emphasizes that irrespective of time, place and distance, once you have made love with someone before, there is a 90percent probability that it will happen again if you meet them again.

    • chu girl

      December 2, 2014 at 11:22 am

      naaaaa………. actually it isn’t always the case really

  18. Jules

    December 2, 2014 at 11:03 am

    @anonymous… LOOL

  19. JEWELS

    December 2, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Great piece, all i can say is that women are more craftier than men when it comes to cheating.(NOTE: I do not condone) my point being, they are home by 7pm to kiss the babies and make sure that dinner isn’t too salty which makes it hard for husbands/boyfriends to know.
    These are women probably bored in their marriages and maybe have tried all they could to salvage their relationships to no avail hence ending up in such situations.
    I just hope your friend and his girlfriend could try counselling and if that doesn’t work then part ways, It’s not like it was written he wouldn’t live without her.

  20. anonymous

    December 2, 2014 at 11:33 am

    I don’t have the guts to cheat, I can’t even muster the courage even though I’ve caught my hubby a number of times, I’ve promised myself that his lack of control won’t define me, but heaven knows I feel immense joy when I hear of women who pay cheating men back in kind. Afteall what’s good for the goose is just as good for the gander

  21. omoibo

    December 2, 2014 at 11:42 am

    People will cheat no matter what and then find a way to justify their act to themselves.
    Whether or not we’ll cheat on our partners is a choice, when it’s all said and done we try to come up with a justification that will soothe our conscience. In my opinion women are just as versed in cheating as men, the only difference is that women sabi chop and clean mouth well pass guys..

  22. Fossil

    December 2, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Stupid okafor law…this is soooo not true, if u disvirgin a babe or shine d Congo properly & u did not treat her well or u break her heart badly, Okafor law will not work for u oo, only if u want to die.

    • Lala

      December 3, 2014 at 3:12 am

      Chop Knuckle! A Million Likes!

  23. Tkum

    December 2, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    loool….Okafor law indeed!!! Nigerians sha can imagine things.

  24. amh

    December 2, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    No br okafors law. In yoruba. Its called once debe
    always debe. As in. Once u have slept with a guy or girl. If u r not careful. U might sleep with the person again
    The memories stay. There are some guys u remember n just curse them and their generation outrightly.you wonder why stoop so low or what was I thinking to date that gorilla.

  25. Kai, shut up there!

    December 2, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Everybody cheats because they want to cheat!
    See em trying to justify their waywardness!

    There will always be a 1001 reason for a man/woman to cheat.
    You could choose to deal with those imperfections or choose to go astray like a wild dog!

    Stop saying women cheat to prove a point! To who?
    When they cheat, do they record their sex tape and go show hubby/bf ahome that see o, i cheated to prove a point i can cheat too?

    Kai, everyone (male/female) cheats because they are wayward, they wanna explore and cant deal with storms of life.

    • tunmi

      December 2, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      Thank you. When people start realizing we are all the same (except for certain body parts), they will see that there is no distinction in the things either sex does.

    • Easy n Gentle

      December 2, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      You honestly truly believe that we are the same? Male and Female? Except for body parts? Really???!

    • Dee

      December 2, 2014 at 6:03 pm

      But you should know tunmi is a law unto herself. She can try to form “different dimension of thinking”

      Go and see her comments on the crazy Ugandan nanny then you will understand.
      Sotaaaaay my autocorrect changed her name to tsunami while I was typing. No be lie. She be real tsunami.

  26. ReeceBlu

    December 2, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Everyone cheats. Its human nature. Humans arent built for monogamy.They should protect themselves and not spread diseases. And life goes on….oh, and don’t get caught! Lol
    I have never cheated physically…. maybe emotionally…. I dont know which is worse
    I would rather leave before I cheat. But some cheat for a reason. Who am I to jugde?

    • D

      December 2, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      Speak for thine selves…. I can proudly say I am built for monogamy…I can’t bear the thought of being with anyone else the way I am with my husband and I am not talking about just sex. It is having that one who understands you and accepts you for who you are and loves you in a way that can only be experienced. It is having a deep emotional connection that transcends even sex. So again I say speak for thine self ooo…if you cheat then that’s on you!!! BTW I am not a newly wed it has nothing to do with love shacking person.

  27. Anonymous

    December 2, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Until you have walked in people’s shoes,don’t judge. Cheating in itself has nothing to do with the other party but the cheater. Unfortunately,those cheated on feel it’s an attack on them,hurt,betrayed etc,they think the best way to get over it is by revenging. Which in itself is baseless and makes no sense. Never stoop to other people’s vices to prove a point. Cheating as a form of revenge never leaves you satisfied but filthy especially when it’s not your stock in trade. My advice,if you can’t stand the heat,kindly leave the kitchen. For married women,if you have unfaithful spouses (which sadly abounds) you either look away or talk about it but if it’s going to turn you into a cheating wife I strongly believe you walk away. It’s more honorable. Never swap your values in the name of revenge,no one is worth that much.

    • Femme de l'Avenir

      December 3, 2014 at 5:45 pm

      Excatly! IMO, there is no “WHY’ people cheat. If you give yourself a reason why, chances are you will cheat and blame it on that reason or that you accept cheating. Most of the reasons I’ve heard pple give for cheating usually tends towards blaming a lack their partner had. Dear Cheater, the reason was and always is you!

  28. Olu

    December 2, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    My mouse don break from too much ‘liking’. Pay me!

  29. La Teach

    December 2, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    Women cheat for many reasons. I think the most common factor is dissatisfaction, either with le hubs or le bobo. Could be emotional, financial, or even sexual. On Okafor’s law and the imminence of repeated Congo shinning, avoid any situation that has such possibilities. Revenge cheating is a no-no (#beentheredonethatnotworthit). A great piece Isio, as usual

    1
  30. Anna

    December 2, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    I would say a lack of self control & discipline leads to cheating in males & females.
    Other circumstantial reasons I have heard of from female friends has been that they have emotionally timed out of their relationship & a need for attention. These though are circumstantial things, because those factors even though experienced by others did not lead them to cheat. For me personally, it is about self control & discipline.

  31. D

    December 2, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    I don’t usually sound this harsh or judgmental but I am about to so just giving a fair warning. People have their reasons for cheating both male and female, both it all comes down to this a lack of self control, and what we fail to realise is that it also shows a lack of depth in character. What do I mean? The woman that cheats physically for $$$, does it because she can’t control her greed, a man that cheats because he simply can, does it because he can’t control his libido. The woman that cheats because she is “looking for that emotional connection” or “Okafor” (virgin or shined congo,) can’t seem to have an handle on their selfishness or greed, in what sense you may ask. Why not stay with your “Okafor” to begin with why did you bother stringing this new dude along??? because you were tired of Okafor’s cheating??? or you were just wanted to have a ring on your finger??? if it is Okafor’s cheating then I don’t see any emotional connection connecting nobody no one likes a two timing cheat even a cheater. if it is for the ring…wellll…yes that’s a selfish reason to be married. I can go on and on but like I said it all comes down to lack of self control period!!! Even the one that cheats to get back at her man…lack of self control…yep so you cheated and then what??? it does not fix the problem.

  32. lovin moi

    December 2, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Women can love deeply and are loyal too but can cheat when they’re tired and frustrated
    I got married as a virgin and really loved my hubby deeply like d air I breathe but he started taking it for granted and did I forget to mention he can shine a Congo walahi!,takes me to d moon and back. He started revelling in his sexual prowess and believing that after treating me however he likes in d day time,i’ll still moan and scream @ night…sad to say,he’s destroyed d emotional. connection we had and he can feel my love for him has diminished but I won’t cheat because am COMMITED to d relationship and he doesn’t cheat on me though but he wasn’t romantic like he used to be.d point of this epistle is that guys should pls treat their babes ryt and make sure they stay emotionally connected! It really helps.

  33. bigspirit

    December 2, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    lool @kaishutupthere! You have said it all, no further explanation needed.

  34. lovin moi

    December 2, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Isio,please what’s ur skincare regimen,tell me pls cos you really are glowing!

  35. iyke

    December 2, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Reason why a woman cheats is usually long buried and complex. Her choice to cheat is both daring and desperate. A desperate plea for help and a daring catalyst for change in her relationships/marriage or her own self.
    In my opinion, she cheats primarily because she’s not getting her needs and desires met in her relationship/marriage.So, feeling stifled, unfulfilled, frustrated, and helpless, she steps out and cheats which in itself is empowering for her. Mind you, that’s only the first step to autonomy and power for her….a response to an opportunity she never had in the past.
    I am neither condoning or condemning ladies that cheat but the implication, if we look at it objectively is that the end result of this will be that men will decide that relationship/marriage is not worth the trouble. I mean, why should men invest in marriages when so many women decide that he’s boring/doesn’t get it/poor/unfaithful etc? Soon marriage will be treated as an obsolete institution, especially now that women are becoming more daring and empowered.
    Isio, mark my word, with these mindsets/excuses, in 20 years, you’ll be writing an article about how marriage and stable male-female relationships are extinct.

  36. Elliot

    December 2, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    ..Hmm why do women cheat?
    A lot of times women that cheat do not plan to. As said in one of the comments, most cheating ladies are the least expected ones.
    When the connection is no longer there with their partners, when the partner doesn’t pay attention anymore, when the lady feels unimportant and left out…
    It creates an emotional void which generally needs to filled. The woman ends up cheating with a familiar face who has been an anchor, a friend that seem to genuinely care about her and understands her story.
    Most “morally upright ladies” won’t cheat with a stranger because…they can never think of cheating on their hubby. But guess what! It happened and it was with someone who they care about but it’s not screaming on his forehead I want to sleep with you.

  37. libak

    December 2, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    we are all selfish beings….irrespective of the excuses we give for actions taken, it all boils down to an individual’s selfish interest….when you cheat, you do that for your selfish interest, the so called ‘interests’ could differ but the baseline is, it is SELFISH…. whatever ‘selfish’ thing you choose to do good, bad or ugly always bear in mind that your world ain’t all about you no matter how self made you think you are, therefore, choose to do the good “selfish” things….Ok ByA

  38. libak

    December 2, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    but really really weally why would you cheat JUST to spite some person….that explains how much value you place on yourself and how much dignity you have….no be your body,spirit and soul?…would you stab yourself to spite some person??…so you choose to cheat to pay back your hubby(very sad if d he is a boyfriend), then what happens? You feel like a star?? You think he his now in your shoes? and then what?????? As someone said earlier, carry his money(if you are married, you both own it), bash his car, burn his files, do all sorts but always remember that you are valued above all of dat…no man is worth it…NO MAN

  39. Asaa

    December 2, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Please i want this hair. Can I have the details please? anyone?

  40. oj

    December 2, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    no man is worth my dignity, self-respect and relationship with my creator. no man, simple.

  41. Ama

    December 2, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    My bf has been out of the country for almost five years now. We talk regularly and he always professes his undying love but he hasn’t been back since he left and he doesn’t know when he will be back. I have another bf as a form of security just in case he never comes back.

    • Miss Anonymous

      December 2, 2014 at 6:38 pm

      @ Ama. Can’t you visit him?

    • Ama

      December 5, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I can’t visit him. The cost is too much for both of us.

    • MC

      December 5, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      five years?…I dont think he is coming back (especially if he or you haven not visited in those 5 years)

  42. Easy n Gentle

    December 2, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    What’s most interesting for me today is that no single lady has totally and categorically dispelled the okafor’s law. So it holds true! Very interesting 🙂

    • Doxa

      December 2, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      Okafor’s law is errorneous. He has unknowingly based it on the fact that people don’t change, but people do change, we see it everyday. That wayward girl of yesterday could change and become a woman full of dignity, no condo shinner can get across to her.
      In the case of virginity lost, it could have been a bad judgement call on the girl’s part, followed closely by deep regret and sorrow, the condo shinner that attempts to come close might lose something significant.
      The theory is flawed.

    • Easy n Gentle

      December 2, 2014 at 8:48 pm

      So basically if I get you correctly, it’s true, 90% of the time unless the person changes which is a tough ask considering what we know about the Leopard and its spot

    • Anon

      December 2, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      You are assuming they are all single? A lot of married women who cheat, do it with an ex.

  43. babygiwa

    December 2, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    I can never cheat to spite any man, my relationship with God is more important to me than any man abeg….. Ok, maybe women cheat out of frustration, hurt, anger or depression. But I strongly advise against such actions, cus at the end of the day it is still your own precious body

  44. brown-ice

    December 2, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    I was once a villian. I guess I did it cuz I was bored in d relationship nd we were headed for the rocks. Diff strokes for diff strokes……#OkBye

    • redbloom

      December 3, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      aunty abi uncle brown-rice, it is different strokes for different folks.

  45. like

    December 2, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    I don’t know why women cheat. My friends usually laugh when I say i cannot focus on “talking” with two guys at once talk less of dating two guys at once. My friend was hurt once and shr dated tow guys till she settled down with one

  46. Duchess

    December 2, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    Okafors law states that once nacked can always be re nacked. I also agree that even if I don’t support infidelity, women cheat to prove a point.

  47. Onye Ara

    December 3, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Isi,this your gist no follow o!
    There is no need to justify cheating. Both genders cheat because they want to. No need for all these deep psychological evaluations.
    I could go personal but BN will not publish, so i will refrain.

  48. JR1

    December 3, 2014 at 3:28 am

    “Personally, I would say I believe women cheat to prove a point and men cheat because they can.”

    First of let me start by saying I disagree with your statement.
    I have never heard or seen a couple who truly love each other cheat on their pathner. If women cheat to prove a point, then so do men. Just like the list in this article of why women may cheat, Men do have internal or external things that goad them to cheat.

  49. Ibrezado

    December 3, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I liked that phrase alot! and i used it during an interview and the MD told me that was such an apt statement, and I GOT THE JOB! Not because of the statement sha. But i just thought to share.

  50. gloria

    December 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Now people please hear my story, m so inlove with this guy,although he has a baby mama and i know he loves m e too probably with the things he does, he is so great on bed and loves being around me even if his baby mama is at home,i had dis guilt within me thou but i strongly love this guy mayb bcos of his sex skills or the fear of i might not meet any great guy lik him again or the fear of me not going back to him aftr marriage, he promise to marry me but m nt even particular abt dat,all i want is dat great sex wit him,now pls tell mi, shld i let go,get married to some oda guy nd still falls back in his arms or i shld jst stay nd enjoy it while it last or i shld move out

    • MC

      December 5, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      “…and loves being around me even if his baby mama is at home”
      So they live together???

  51. DiivneDiva

    December 3, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    nothing justifies cheating,,,,if you can’t stay faithful during courtship then how would u manage when you’re married? if you’re not feeling your BF/GF….pls break up and move on……we have more volunteers than victims..
    thank you

  52. Dr Bam!

    December 4, 2014 at 12:41 am

    I av an Ex who makes me wanna puke anytime I see or even think about him! I keep wondering what I was thinking whilst dating him.Trust me, Okafor’s law is a truck load of crap!

  53. ekalor

    December 4, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    @Itha
    While I agree that GOD cannot be mocked, it is also important to know that even people that married as virgins cheat, cheated and are still cheating… So essentially its a personal decision to choose your partner over and over again…

  54. Ed

    December 8, 2014 at 8:56 am

    The fear of God is the ultimate cure to infidelity of any kind. Follow that up with the desire to continually learn how to please your married partner and you’ll have a blissful union.
    I sincerely believe premarital sex can lead to a life of sexual dissatisfaction if your married spouse does not meet up to your past escapades. God knows why He’s against it.
    In my own case, it has worked for me. Ignorance of other Congos has been adorable Bliss for me. I would love to retain that ignorance as long as we both live.
    No point judging those who couldn’t avoid it. But we can start teaching our children the principle of keeping yourself for that special person who loves you enough to marry you. Sexual skills can always be learnt for those who want to hang on the “test before you buy it” train.
    The fear of God is the secret of total marital bliss and harmony. Let’s keep sex within marriage. Or is that not the definition of fidelity again?

  55. Mr Venice

    December 8, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    This is Isio can burst head with her write ups…….. i want to be like you when i grow up ……

  56. chayi

    December 12, 2014 at 9:42 am

    I believe some women cheat because of material possessions like money and what have u. No matter how sweet she gets treated from her partner. she go still do side runz. Dats my believe sha.

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