Connect with us

Advertisement

Features

Isio Knows Better: Nigerians… Going Dutch

Published

 on

Over the years, I have come to realize that different cultures have different attitudes towards splitting the bill in relationships. Living abroad, and interacting with many Caucasians, I realized that going to the restaurant/bar with your friends/man meant that you might have to pay for your share of whatever you consumed. It was nothing wrong to me, nor was there anything strange about it. It was just what it was. Although there are a few Western men who insist on always picking up the tab, if you ever find yourself on a date with one you are just getting to know – you might want to hold ya own money o.

In fact, even if you are going out in obodo-oyinbo with oyinbos biko hold ya money and chop according to ya pocket o – or else na On Ya Own you dey. You go just wash plate tayah, ya skeleton go just peel.

I cannot help but compare this to our attitude towards splitting the bill in Naija, especially with a Nigerian man – considering our men’s cultural role {as a provider} and how this in turn affects our social behaviour. You go out on a date with a guy and he pays for both of you. You go out to a bar/club and he buys the bottles and you just drink. You go to the movies and he pays. You want pop-corn and hot-dog and he pays again. You go shopping and he pays – yet again. Indeed, many of our women experience these as normal and appropriate and enjoy these without so much as giving a “thank you” back to their host. In turn, most men are accustomed to providing these “comforts” and would even be insulted should their date offer to pay for her share.

Interesting.

However you might choose to roll the dice, Nigerian men (generally) can be considered generous – in comparison to their foreign counterparts. Please don’t calculate your le boo among this equation if you are dating the kind that KEEPS inviting you to the movies only to buy popcorn and coke for himself only, while you are looking there like Lucozade Boost. Your case is special.

Once the story was shared of the Nigerian girl who always footed her own bills and didn’t demand anything material from her Mr. Man. He said he liked that she was “independent”, and loved her more because of it. Even on the nights they ate out, he would ask that they split the bill, and she didn’t mind. Everything she wanted for herself, she got for herself- and then some – for him. All was fine and dandy in this fairy-tale until they got married and the Nigerian girl (herewith called Ms. Independent) realized that Mr. Man expected her to continue doing these and more as his wife.

In time she realized the horror… it wasn’t so much that Mr. Man was “proud of her independence” as it was that he was just one of those people who didn’t like sharing his wealth. He was a human aradite a.k.a super-glue AKA alaun-kobo-kobo. She had never asked, he never gave, so she didn’t realize what would turn out to be a big problem. That was fine when she was a bachelorette. Now, five years and two kids later, she had to ask- not just as a wife, but as a mother. She needed him to contribute to the upkeep of the home and the responsibilities they had both created. He almost never gave – still.

It didn’t matter that he was financially buoyant. She had better luck counting the drops of water in the ocean.

*singing with side-eyes* things fall apart…things fall apartttttt… t-things fall APAAARRRRTTTTTT…

Yep, things fell apart. So sad. I can’t help but wonder… where did she go wrong? Where did he go wrong? Would he have been happier if she had nagged him and insisted he met her needs while they were dating? Would she have been happier? Did she enable his closed-fistedness by agreeing to split the bill and forming what some people call “Ms. Independent?”

And by the way, what is it with people who fling the “Ms. Independent” title sneeringly and derogatorily at hard-working females like it’s a bad thing for grown women to exercise their rights to feed, clothe and house themselves? Last I checked, that was what being an adult was about. How did it suddenly become something to be ashamed of?

*scratches chin* Very Interesting.

Anyway, this splitting a bill thing eh… I once had an issue one of my closest male friends when I was in Europe. He was European. The day before, we had had a most profound discussion on the cultural differences in handling restaurant bill-splitting between his people and our people. I told him that if he ever went out with a Nigerian girl, he should let her know before-hand if she should bring with her some money.

Infact I was very clear.

No.1. DON’T INVITE HER OUT IF YOU WANT HER TO PAY FOR IT.

No 2. IF YOU WANT HER TO TAKE YOU OUT, LET HER TAKE YOU TO WHERE SHE CAN AFFORD.

No. 3. DON’T INVITE A GIRL OUT TO AN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT OF YOUR CHOICE WITHOUT TELLING HER THAT YOU WOULD HOPE SHE WOULD SPLIT THE BILL WITH YOU.

Wait, wait, wait… it may sound harsh, and I know it’s not the most romantic thing for a man to say to a woman, but is it not better for him to say it out- than for them to chop finish and then when it’s time to pay they would now be looking at each other like mumu and stammering but-I-thought…but-I-thought? And then they would both go home irritated. Abeg o.

Only for my darling friend to conveniently forget everything I had told him the day before. A childhood friend of mine had flown into town for the weekend, and my amigo suggested we stop for pizza at a local pizzeria.

No problem.

Walahi, before we chop the chop finish eh, just before I swallowed the last kpom-kpom in my mouth, my friend brought out her card to pay, and instead of my gallant, previously educated amigo to negate such sacrilege, he just sat there chewing. And no. It didn’t make it better that he gave her a hand-squeeze and said thank you. It made it worse. Mainly because he and I both knew that he had a few thousand EUROS in cash on him. The pizza cost 12 EURO. I was flabbergasted and horrified. He didn’t understand why I was so upset. ”She offered to pay,” he said.

In truth, it had less to do with gender than it being that one who had so much would happily let another who had so little take responsibility for something that was a benefit to them both. I did not like it at all, but it was what it was.

What do you think about splitting the bill? As a man, would you allow your date pick up the tab or split the bill with you? As a woman, what would you think about a man who asked you pay your share of a restaurant bill while he paid his? Or the guy who played the –oh-my-gosh-I-completely-left-my-wallet-at-home card when served the bill?

Merry Christmas with much love to you all!

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

78 Comments

  1. BarnyG

    December 23, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Isio, I enjoyed your write up.. My take on this .. As a Man, I go siddon read comments *grins* .. Happy new week

  2. tutu

    December 23, 2014 at 11:03 am

    well, if its my bobo, its ok if I pay once in a while but er… do naija guys actually tell you to pay your own share? on a date? not like your close friend or sumn?

    • beauty

      December 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      i once went out on a date with sm guy who has been on my case for a long time,told him i was hungry ,we went to a fast food restaurant. i ordered just chicken the guy ordered for food after which he went straight to sit down without paying the cashier.i had to pay out of embarassment,i was so irritated.he called after the date severally i just hissssss when i see his call.never picked.no wonder i never gave him a chance since he been asking me out.

    • ima

      December 26, 2014 at 11:15 am

      Rotflmao! !!!!

  3. Ifeanyi

    December 23, 2014 at 11:04 am

    I think too much ‘talks’ about this subject…
    Every ‘man and his lady’ should know how to come around these issues…Common sense should never be taught…and it is not a function of culture…There should be no specifics. Both parties should neither be proud or disappointed..

    Live and lets leave!

  4. Ifeanyi

    December 23, 2014 at 11:05 am

    I think too much ‘talks’ about this subject…
    Every ‘man and his lady’ should know how to come around these issues…Common sense should never be taught…and it is not a function of culture…There should be no specifics. Both parties should neither be proud or disappointed..

    Live and lets live!

  5. Blescin

    December 23, 2014 at 11:06 am

    As for me I won’t appreciate it if a guy I went on a date with asks me to pay d bill or split it…i’ll pay or split as the case may be but believe me that is the end for me and that so called guy.
    If am the one that insisted in giving the guy a treat then that is different cos I av to pay for it but where he believes that I have to pay for what I consume on our dates then that is a no no for me…Such guys lack the sense of responsibility
    Isio u didn’t reply me d last time….ur sandal where did you get it and how much does it cost

  6. nola

    December 23, 2014 at 11:17 am

    I don’t even know how to project my stance on this. Okay I guess we are shaped by our society and background and all. In fact i am adjudging to the fact that i am a hypocrite I like to be called independent as it relates to me being a career woman and being able to foot my bills when the push comes to shove , but i am also overly used to the fact that in my country Nigeria, we women are spoilt and the men pick up the tab. Even if I may want to act like it does not matter to me, I think if I pick the tab once, i may let it slide but twice, thrice, I may begin to get irritated o. btw hubby and I, i can pick up the tab sometimes because I know that I go collect the money somehow somehow with change sef in some other form…..

    • mel

      December 23, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      LOL…that is funny, used to do it to my dad a lot….

      But my stance is simple, whoever does the inviting(invitee) should be ready to foot the bill completely….if she/he(the invited) offers to pay some, 1st do not allow her/him to pay…but if she/he insists, then…why not..lol.
      However, I feel that on a very first date, the man should foot the bill completely( just to save his face( in our culture)- and open up to a 2nd date. On a 2nd date, you the lady/guy(invited for the first date) should prepare to pay something- at least your half. If invitee insists on footing the bill completely–again, let him/her. But mind you, if u are a man and you let the invitee-a woman, pay completely for the second time…then my guy, you just dug your own grave.

      Finally, if you score a 3rd date, the invited should and must completely foot the bill( unless the invitee took you to an extremely expensive place- then I will gladly watch him pay completely. To be on the safer side I would usually offer the 3rd invitation and take you somewhere that I can pay…lol…to be continued…this is going on a date Class 101.

  7. Eno

    December 23, 2014 at 11:18 am

    Gender equality has its “downsides”…if I may use that word, but it’s the truth. I am pro gender equality but we should not only preach it when it is convenient. If a guy says to his male friend(s) “ol’ boy, make we hang out”, will that his friend or friends not expect to pay for at least what they ordered? Why would we expect it to be different if he decided to hang out with his female friends? Some female friends will kuku bring extra friends to come and chop awoof. As for the poor lady who ended up with a miser, I guess it goes to show how important communication is in whatever stage of the relationship. Don’t start what you can’t finish.

    • Blessmyheart

      December 23, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      I think if a guy is asking his female friend to hang out, I assume it will likely be in the company of other people, then going dutch is fine. BUT, if you ask a lady on a date, expect her to give her time, attention, dress up, etc, please in no way is it okay to expect her to pay. Gender equality has no bearing on this at all. If my husband takes me out or even when I ask him to take me out, I expect him to pay, unless he’s short of cash and I collect my money back. However, if I tell my husband I’m taking him out, I’m definitely paying. The point is, if I expect you to go out of your way for me, I shouldn’t put the burden of the bills on you again

    • xs

      December 23, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      Bless your heart hun!

  8. TANTRA

    December 23, 2014 at 11:19 am

    I would not want a guy who wants to take me out to tell me ahead that we are splitting the bill. That’s an appetite killer. If I didn’t ask to be taken out, why share the bill? If I asked for it, you can just tell me how much you have. I can either assist or consume within your means.
    There was this guy who bothered me for months. I finally decided to meet up with him. I refused to say what I wanted to eat, to avoid HBP on his part. I let him order. After everything, the money he had was not enough. He begged me to assist. I assisted. Instead of saying thank you, he made a stupid comment. He said, “I was just testing you. I am happy you passed”. I smiled, and then asked for my money. The true proof of the test was to be given my money back. Abi? Mr Talkative had no extra money in his tiny wallet.
    I don’t accept that rubbish of I-forgot-my-wallet. If you give me that excuse, nna, na to forget you for the restaurant be that o! Instead of forgetting your wallet, you would have forgotten your appetite.

    • www.thelmathinks.com

      December 23, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      Hahaha!

    • m

      December 23, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      Lol @ forget your appetite. TANTRA, u no go kill person

  9. Terez

    December 23, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Mehnn…DAT kind bobo wer go say make I fut my bill Hmmm..WO! Na craze dey worri am

  10. Carliforniabawlar

    December 23, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Miss Independent or not…if on the first time we meet up, i end up picking up my tab, sorry o, it wasn’t a date…na hangout we hangout…
    My unspoken rule relationships is that whoever does the inviting to go out to eat pays….and when i cook, i pay…abi na faith dem dey take buy goat meat and shaki? Oh…and WHEN the guy cooks he buys his ingredients too… And this is me being a big girl o…i remember back when my body was hot…if you come my house wan drink pass Fanta, i go collect money from you, send gateman to buy you indomie and egg ni o…hehehe!
    And the married to a stingo thing is more common than we know! Na worldwide trend and trap most guys are using now….my Asian friend complained about her fiance including the fact that she is ‘hardworking’ and independent in the proposal! Lmao! Can you just imagine? Miss-Indigini? Let the sharing begin now while dating before you will independently raise the kids by yasef.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 29, 2014 at 11:52 am

      I laughed with tears in my eyes at – (to paraphrase) “abi na by faith I use buy the goat meat and shaki?”

      You, my friend, ain’t ever lied. 🙂 my rules are similar, although I’ll add that if I’m cooking a meal and inviting a newly acquainted bobosky over to some home cooked dining, I will be awarding marks if he has the foresight to bring a drink along. E no even need to be anything special – 2 packets of Just Juice sef inside waterproof bag is enough to show the level of thoughtfulness that homeboy operates with. I’ll have drinks already oh, but it’s nice to know how his mind works regarding such things. And it’s the same principle which will cause me to offer to pay the tip if he was treating me to some restaurant dining.

      Whatever sex is picking up the tab, the other should always be attuned to opportunities for making those little considerate gestures that make a lasting impression.

  11. Valentina

    December 23, 2014 at 11:31 am

    Isio dem never born the man wey go say make I pay bill,be him indian, caucasian,european or japanease I’ll give him a piece of my Nigerian mind. Rubbish.

  12. Amyn

    December 23, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Isio, you just hit the nail on the head with this one. I have dated Western guys and Nigerian guys and i have never experienced the splitting the bill thing but friends have told me about it. I concur on the guy telling the girl before hand, so that there is no confusion when the last piece of cheese cake is swallowed.
    I don’t even know what the cause is: gender or environment. What i do know is this, when a guy(oyinbo and dudu) genuinely cares about a girl, he naturally wants to provide for her,

  13. S!

    December 23, 2014 at 11:34 am

    I don’t like that most Nigerian ladies think it’s a guys job to always spend on her. It’s not please.
    My closest female friend & I have the best mutual understanding regarding our outings. Sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays, most times we split the bill. And she’s the only chick I can bend over backwards for. There’s just something sexy about a woman who doesn’t always rely on a man for money.

    • dependentmissindependent

      December 23, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      yeah right!
      how come all I get is bills being pushed to me coz I’m miss independent?
      I believe it is something that should come naturally sometimes I pay, other times he does but all the guys I hang out with now think it’s my responsibility.
      anyway, if my boo is reading this I need him to know I’d be dumping his ass soon coz he is too tight fisted. I’m not the girl that asks but I expect you to take the initiative sometimes. since you don’t, I’ve got to go and the next boo would pay for all the times I was exploited as miss independent

    • Pipi

      December 23, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      I don’t understand someone is on her own and u decide by ur self to take her out also do her the flavor of informing her that the bill would be split. The only difference is if you as a female call a guy out of blue ask him to com and take u out, you even chose d place …please please carry money to the both of u cause when h was planning his budget for the month or week it probably didn’t includ you in it

  14. Her Duchessness

    December 23, 2014 at 11:34 am

    I feel a typical nigerian man will feel slighted by a lady he takes on a date when she chooses to split the bills with him. I think the male ego is attached to responsibilities. And if his responsibility is taken from him, his ego is marred as well.

    If a guy who wants a serious relationship with me asks me out on a date and informs me that we would split the bills before I go on that date, I’m sorry but I won’t go on that date again. I would rather go out alone and know that I’m alone than to go out with a person who chooses not to pay my bills. If I tolerate that attitude for a while it will eventually become a habit he’ll find difficult to rid of especially if we end up married. Its best for him to be aware of his responsibilities and be responsible for them from the onset. But if we are just two friends who decide to hang out somewhere like the cinemas I would gladly be responsible for my bills.

    I have nothing against being Miss Independent. Being Miss Independent is a stage I feel ladies should get to in preparation for the bumpy road attached to the vagaries of the world. At that stage, you get to love yourself more and know your true value. You’ll realize that you are quite capable of achieving great feats whether you are in a relationship or not.

    • Que

      December 23, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      I was thinking of how to type my lengthy response, and u just helped me. That opening paragraph is particularly important….

      I don’t care what age comes, that dutch movement-on dates- shld remain dutch. N if I jam oyibo love interest i’ll be sure to bring him up to speed.

    • D Main Man

      December 23, 2014 at 11:02 pm

      well for the first time the bill should be on the guy, and the guy chooses the joint to take you to so as to know how to pay, but the problem its that most of the ladies, and from what i have read here now like free things, even at the 10th outing una no go still pay…and it also shows that your friendship is on wealth basis…if by any chance the cultural responsibility is given to males are passed to females, guys will not taste una money bkoz una be AKA ARADITE., its just that God has made a must that within 1week guys must strafe so even at the 5th outing guys go pay with the hope say something will be gained.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 29, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Which God made what rule? Abeg gerrout of here with that foolishness. See your audacity to even declare it as a right… I hope that’s the same way you embrace the asinine “rule” when your dearly beloved sister … Or, no, wait – your daughter! … is involved.

      Or wait, wait. Your wife, nko? This rule must apply to her kwanu, na, since she must have dated other men before you rolled right up with your proposal. The foolishness that emanates from some Nigerian men’s mouths just continues to amaze me…

  15. Miss Dee

    December 23, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    Where I come from, a woman’s money is meant for her alone and a man’s money is meant for the both of them. It worked for my parents and that’s the path I am taking.
    However when I hang out with friends I always pay for what I eat but with Le boo mbanu he has to pay for both of us. Even when it comes to gifts I don’t outdo him and this works very fine for the both of us. My birthday comes before his so whatever he gets for me I divide the price by 8 since he is 8years older and that’s the budget for his gift. Crazy right but believe me just like toke said it’s best to act like a princess in distress.

    • Blessmyheart

      December 23, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      I found this a bit funny. You go through the trouble of dividing the cost of the present by 8? It’s good it works for you but in my opinion, by the time you’re married you may want to tone down on the damsel in distress thing especially when it comes to gifts. I believe marriage is a two-way thing. As much as ladies want to feel cared for and protected, the husbands too want to feel appreciated. I don’t see the need for such games after marriage but that’s just me.

    • Nhia

      December 23, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      nhia. na real wah! men have suffered sha. mathematics don enter

    • Jo!

      December 24, 2014 at 5:03 am

      Haba, you’re just stingy. DIvide by 8??? I NEVER pay for dates o, as in NEVER, but gifts?? I NEVER give cheap gifts either

    • kay

      June 3, 2015 at 5:28 am

      make una dey deceive una self….na so una pursue the man with una sense of entitlement

  16. sussy

    December 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Please oh, if you call my phone and ask me to go out with me as a guy,your paying except i feel like chipping in,same way if i ask you out i will pay for it vis-a-vis. With ladies we are specific if am paying will tell them,if they are paying and if we are splitting the bill, we shall inform each other beforehand. I no sabi wetin be independence please in this matter.

  17. oj

    December 23, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    I’m sorry o, but if a guy takes me out on a date and expects me to split the bill, that would be the last date. A real man should never expect his wife/girlfriend to foot his bills, even if she has the money to. what is he the head of the family for? only under special circumstances should the lady foot the bills, e.g. when her HUSBAND loses his job.

    • D Main Man

      December 23, 2014 at 11:07 pm

      REAL MAN ABI…you guys should go to the PRISONS. EFCC wahala, NAFDAC, NDLEA. These are REAL MEN cooling off in the cells bkox of one crime or the other in other to make money..

  18. SHUGA

    December 23, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    I had the same issue the so called boyfriend was proud of me cos i was Independent. i even gave him money self. Now i feel stupid for that cos he was using me and lying to me all along. Some months after we broke up Omo i collected my money back. See the idiot telling me i was a drama queen cos I asked for my HARD EARNED MONEY. I learnt my lesson after that ooo even though it was the hard way. Once bitten twice shy

  19. nikky

    December 23, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    well, i have never gone on a date with a man who wanted us to split the bill. infact i recall when a potential toaster offered to drive me to the gas station to buy fuel for my generator, and he opened his mouth and asked that we split the bill, i was confused…split 2k bill for fuel?, i politely said no, i would pay…the alaawun just showed me who he was without even going on a date with me yet…if i had a close male friend who always spoils me, i think i can do something for him once in a while. but boyfriend or toaster, telling me to pay or split the bill….i know my Lord in heaven cannot send those kind of men my way because he would warn them for my sake..”this girl is Nigerian to the core, if you no want make she swear for you, you better paddle ya canoe pass am”. Im sorry but i only attract generous men…Na wetin my radar dey catch be that!

    • me12u

      December 23, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Really!! He is not your father, brother, cousin, relative..in no way is he related to you yet he volunteered to take you to the gas station with his car, his fuel and asks to help/split the bill to pay for which would be of selfish use to you personally, yet you hold it against him because he asked to split the cost!!! Woman you got issues!!!

  20. Olori Tari

    December 23, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    I do share bills. I love to share bills. Most times, I like to feel responsible for myself..When I’m in Nig, I’m quite a let’s go and eat person because me I’m just there for the fun. Whether you are my friend oo, we are in a situationship… whatever it is really, I’m quite forward in saying “we should have some time out, I heard that’s a nice restaurant, let’s test it together”.

    The same breath I use to say Let’s go and eat, is the same one that I”ll use to say…’I have checked the website, this is blah blah, this order is this amount, averagely you are going to spend that amount”. I hardly go to any actual restaurant if I don’t have a rough idea of their menu and the price, in fact I don’t go. Because I have already told the person how much they need, it’s quite clear that it is pay for yourself. If it’s not their cup of tea, they voice out and we look for alternatives.

    Now if you ask me for a date, I ALWAYS ask for the restaurant or venue because dates are not only for food… I don’t like to be clueless. Tell me the place let me do a Google search and decide, if the restaurant is IT, the money I need to hold and more importantly the menu. If you say you are not sure yet, I simply reply with please be sure and get back to me. That way, I am always prepared. Now if we get there and You decide to pay, then THANK YOU.

    However, I have days where it’s a let me take you on a treat day! Now that’s different – I have paid everything and have had guys pay everything. Also, if you two are just passing a place and you decide to branch that place -it is different and who pays can be relative depending on various factors.

    I just know I wouldn’t be comfortable if someone paid for ALL our expenses every timeeee. Overall, I am not Father Christmas, so I really don’t expect anybody to be father Christmas to me.

    Cut your coat according to your ‘akant’ balance please.

    • MC

      December 23, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      LOVE THIS! my sentiments exactly! from beginning to end!

    • Clara

      December 23, 2014 at 11:21 pm

      Agree! I became a young adult and started dating in the UK, and I’ve always being very careful about money, so I have always paid my way. I’m not a father Xmas either and would feel cheated if I had to pay for someone else all the time, so I put myself in the other person’s shoes and pay half or alternate. Visiting Naija for the first time as an adult, I felt so VERY uncomfortable when guys offered to pay for me (even my friend’s cousin). People kept telling me to calm down and just enjoy the blessing hehe.

      With my boyfriend who is non-naija, we alternate (with him paying probably 60% of the time), but I sometimes decide to treat both of us so he doesn’t spend all his money on me.
      My sisters on the other hand are not at all like that, even though they’ve spent a much bigger chunk of their lives outside of naija. I guess it’s a personality rather than cultural thing…

  21. nikky

    December 23, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    If a man says he wants to take me out, he has to foot the bill. If I decide I want to take a man out I have to pay for it. Why will someone tell me, let’s go on a date, I know this incredible restaurant, bla bla bla. We chop finish and you expect me to split bill for what?
    If you can’t afford to pay for the date (food, movie tickets etc) plz just say it up front, give the girl a chance to know what is ahead and a choices of opting out or going for it. It save a lot of awkward moments.
    I remember one guy that asked me out to the movies. We got there he bought his ticket and just started marching forward like he no carry person come there. For just 6$ this Mumu denied me. I just strong face through out, and yeah I lost his number after.

  22. www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com

    December 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    First time, I heard about ”splitting the cost” was when I had to move my stuff to Ikire (Osun) for NYSC. I had just met this new guy who just got back from the US. He asked how much a cab would cost, I told him and he immediately said, ”don’t worry, we’ll split the cost”. Which fascinated me. And I’ve not spared the phrase ever since. 😀
    No, big deal if you ask me.

  23. baby

    December 23, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Well I think it depends on the society you live in. I live in the UK and Caucasians find it totally normal to split the bill even on the 1st date and the girls have no issue with it. The ‘no free lunch in England’ mentality exists and even for people’s birthday parties you have to pay for what you eat (no awoof things). My boyfriend is Nigerian and he sees paying for dates as his responsibility but I also take him out on dates occasionally and I pay for everything. This is because I don’t like being constantly on the receiving end, it makes me feel incapacitated. I feel guys should take girls out to only places they can afford, splitting the bill to the last pence (eg £31.89/2= £15.945p) looks a bit funny to me. The girl can offer to foot part or the whole bill or you can ask for assistance if you run short of cash but you shouldn’t take her out and expect her to pay

  24. NZ

    December 23, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I’m good with splitting bills….infact,i always ensure i’ve got spare cash on me..enough to pay for my meal if the worst comes to it.

  25. Paypay

    December 23, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    A man is a provider, I can choose to support him, it’s my call. But for him to always expect support it’s a big red flag.

  26. Jay

    December 23, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Hubby always paid the bills in the early days when we were dating. But days like his birthday, it was me taking him out so I paid, no splitting. He did same for me on my birthday. We don’t split the bills even now that we are married, if he says babe, let go for dinner at this nice place that means he must have checked the cost and is ready to foot the bill and if I say let’s go to the movies or dinner, he doesn’t choose the restaurant. I choose it and I pay…It works for us that way. Lol

  27. mike

    December 23, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    “Situationship”….wow, best description i have heard in a long time…

  28. Jaay

    December 23, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Missdee, your comment got me laughing out loud. chai stingy babe.

  29. mujer

    December 23, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    If you are going to ask me out on a date and we are just not buddies but you are toasting, you have to pay whether I am richer or not. Have to prove that you can give whether you have or not because that means when you finally have you will bless and take care of your responsibilities. Does not mean I won’t contribute my quota. Just proves to me that we can be a team and you can be the man you were created to be, not the grown child in the house

  30. Fauzzy

    December 23, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    They say when you go to Rome act like the Romans; again as a lady you should always have money when you go on dates so which ever way the ball rolls you can roll along, chikena!

  31. Anna

    December 23, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    Generousity has always the strong point of the Nigerian man I am currently dating, we are both Nigerian and live in the U.K, I was born here, he came here in his teens … It was never a discussion, whenever I was with him, I did not have to put my hand in my purse. That kind of behaviour though made me want to give more, and so in the end I think it’s fair to say that I spoilhim as much as he does me gladingly because I am secure in the fact that I am with a man that knows his role as a provider.
    Buuutttt wait oh, I cannot say that has been the case with everyone… I dated a stingo & I rarely gave and he rarely offered… needless to say I thank God that is over!

  32. boosilicious007

    December 23, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    If we are just friends, then yeah we could split bills. But once we’ve crossed the friend Zone (i.e hubby,boyfy,potential toaster) Oga, ur footing the bill, except I’m giving him a treat.

  33. Me12u

    December 23, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    funny how all these girls are sound defensive!!! y’all ladie should stop, we know the truth.

    #on another note, “Isio really know better”, she’s a great writer. Because of her, Tuesday is always special. I think, there is something about people born in the month of November/scorpio. If you doubt, ask Isio.

  34. miss max

    December 23, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Buh why would a guy ask me out for a drink or meal and ask that we split the bill? My brain is still processing that.

  35. C'est moi

    December 23, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    Until I build comfortable familiarity, I always offer to go dutch & leave it to the guy to refuse or accept the offer. It doesn’t have to be verbalised, when the bill comes I fish out my card/cash & the guy will either accept or say please allow me (if he hadn’t indicated earlier it was on him).
    .
    But regardless, if he pays, I will leave the tip or buy a round of drinks.
    .
    My daddy taught me to always offer, never go out if you can’t afford to pay for your meal should you need to & always have your transport fare home even if you are picked up.

    • Carliforniabawlar

      December 23, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      I’m with you on that! I always reach for my wallet and ALWAYS ALWAYS leave the tip…In fact I overtip sef, just so we are clear I could afford my meal…lol.
      You see, the problem here is not me paying for my food (on the first couple of dates)….its the guy who should be asked if he’s ready for the ‘consequences’…. The only occasions i’ve insisted on paying on first dates was when i was sure there wasn’t going to be a second date AND the guy has a big mouth! Before you go and broadcast to the world that you fed me and i’m now not picking up your calls…lol.

  36. Ehiwa

    December 23, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Please don’t calculate your le boo among this equation if you are dating the kind that KEEPS inviting you to the movies only to buy popcorn and coke for himself only, while you are looking there like Lucozade Boost. Your case is special.

    Hilarious, Isio, you nailed it.

  37. Warri Boy

    December 23, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Be it my paddy or a girl I’m asking out . If I call you make we hang out then the bills are on
    me . Na me control you comot for your house .

  38. tee

    December 23, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    i think if a guy asks a girl out, the bill should be on him. except in pre- agreed cases.
    nice write up ….totally enjoyed it.

  39. mrs chidukane

    December 23, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Is that not how this Naija. English guy told me to join his cab from bwari to town. A cab that was by the way crowded but I joined cos I thought it was free ride. We got to town and he said I should give him 2k for the ride. How the girls who were in the cab before I joined had no money to pay. Really? Foreign students? You should have seen my face, fake smile plastered on but within my heart I was shooting daggers at him. I still had to take another 1k cab to get home. He made me spend at least 2k more than I would have had I taken the bus like I originally planned.

    I can split or pay for you just please tell me in advance

  40. BlueEyed

    December 23, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    The one I usually don’t like is amongst friends and then they’d have to split the bill at an outing or ask for separate checks, it really irks me not because I’m tryna be proud but I’m like please keep your wallets, If I’m gonna pay for us this time it’s because I know I can and I know another time another friend can pick the tab, that’s why i like the small people in my circle.

  41. Girly

    December 23, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    If u want us to split d bill, u have to tell me in advance. Not when u take me to an expensive restaurant, and then in your mind, u expect me to pay for my share or something. What if, jst what if I don’t have such cash on me? Then we go begin wash plates? O ga o

  42. lacey

    December 23, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    My dear! From my university days, I would foot my bills and I never cared then because I have seen cases where ladies were assaulted because a guy was spending on them but they refused to get physical!
    All the guys that wanted to marry me because they felt I was miss independent, I turned down as there is no way I am going foot any man and his children bill, God forbid! I had this guy everybody thought we were soul mates who was a leech and never had money, after I ransacked his room one day, I sensored everywhere and found all the money he was hiding. When he asked me to marry him I said no! Because he is aradite! Now he is married to a younger lady,at least let him go and be responsible for her upkeep! It should always be mutual not one person using the other.

  43. See your life

    December 23, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    A very simple question for you, if you are equal to him, why should he be the one doing all the bills?

    Whether you agree or not, with all these orientation (from the comments) a lady is still subject to a man. The receiver is subject to the giver.

    I have no problem with all your thrash above if you admit you aint on the same level, but for you to be claiming equality and he is the one doing the bills, no two ways about it you need to be flogged

    Person say na women full hell fire, not because they commit the kinda crimes men commit but because of selfishness, greed, love of money and materialism

    Y’all on your own!

    From the above comments,
    1. a girl cannot afford to buy herself what she wants a man to buy her that is why she cant go eat in an expensive restaurant
    2. if you like send a potential hubby away with your greed, all these bn gang group wont be there to console you
    3. It is called a relationship, not parasitism. If you live of him, you are a parasite and you are easily replaceable cos you contribute nothing to his life.
    4. reason why many are still single. they are good looking but xter wise, they stink from within

    deal with it

    • Colour Purple

      December 23, 2014 at 11:18 pm

      This comment is obviously the result of poor comprehension skills….*sigh*

    • Kayla

      December 23, 2014 at 11:25 pm

      Abeg go Siddon obviously one of those stingy arse guys

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 29, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      Abeg, carry your foolishness and join your compatriot (D Main Man) in clearing out of here. Do you even understand any single thing that’s been written in the main article or many of the comments? …. instead of reading to comprehend, you leapt at the opportunity to pour out whatever “painment” you’ve been carrying on the inside for so long… Ngwanu, we have heard – don’t let the door slam your backside on the way out.

  44. chinco

    December 23, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    People in a proper relationship, married or friends hanging out…split bill or everyone pays for what they eat or drink… I do that. But random guy I’m just meeting or first date….whoever does the asking out should do the paying although I always hold my own. Which reminds me…an Indian colleague still owes me 10dollars of his share *covers face * some people are shameless though

  45. ngozi

    December 23, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    absolutely disgusting comment and line of reasoning from you see your life… you got it all messed up… ranting because of you are not a man of responsibilities abi? its men like you that eventually end up with women who will show you pepper because of your stingy self… givers never lack, haven’t you ever heard of that? you marry her, then take care of her and she will support you then…..well good luck to you fighting with your gf/wife over splitting the bill of buying 20 naira pure water and biscuit…LOL.

  46. Amaka

    December 24, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    If a guy takes me out, he must pay the bills.Even If I have the money, I won’t bring out shishi. I don’t believe in dat Ms independent bullshit.Dont start what u cannot finish

  47. confused dater

    December 24, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Can I ask my fellow Bella nigerians a question please?

    So it goes without saying to me that if we’re on a first date and you allow me pay anything (even if I offer) that there will not be a second date lol

    Anyways I am currently “seeing” this guy. He paid for the first 2 dates (although I have a sneaky suspicion that he would have loved if we went dutch- he just didn’t dare ask lol especially after I told him that one of my pet peeves was stingy guys lol) so anyways so far so good. 3rd date he offers to cook dinner for me at his. All I have to do is bring my fine self lol and he will drop me either at the train station to catch the tube home(we live in London) or he will drive me home if its too late. I’m like ok cool. After dinner we watched a couple of movies, before I knew it it was really late and im like oya time to go home..(nothing went down ohhh, we were just chilling lol). Anyways bros is now looking very tired and is like do you mind if I call you a cab instead? But i havent got cash on me (the taxi is about £40)- you’ve got cash on you right? I’m like nope ( I was lying lol). He’s like no worries, the taxi can stop at a cash point on your way. Is that ok? I’m like cool (what else could I say? I still have to front like miss Independent Lol)
    That’s how I ended up taking myself home. So my question is – would the proper thing to have done as a man be to go get money out of the local cash machine to cover my cab fare (afterall he did say he would drop me home), or at least offer to reimburse me later (I would have refused but at least the gesture would count), or am I totally overreacting and acting all princess like? Your thoughts please- is this a red flag?….I’m currently undecided on Date No 4 lol…
    (Ps, we’re both working professionals and he ticks most boxes. Just not sure how much of a provider he is. Oh and he also gave me a Christmas gift on the date which was sweet. (I gave him a card lol)

    • Akua Y

      December 25, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      Seriously? You are upset you had to pay for the cab fare home?? He paid for first two dates, cooked for you and all. I think he should rather be upset and uninterested in you for saying you dont have 40pounds for the fare back home. I guess he’s also having second thoughts about you- a “professional” who cant afford to take a cab back home. Plus I think he was gentleman enough not to try something with you at his home.

      Please give him a chance if the only problem you have with him is his refusal to pay for your cab.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 29, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      No offence, luv, but your princess act is going into overdrive. I do see why you’re a bit confused about what the dating rules should be if he offered to drop you off and you ended up paying your own way home but here’s how I view things, overall:

      – he paid for the first two dates, which was the appropriate gentlemanly thing to do. He gets marks for that.
      – he offered to cook and in doing so, has footed the bill for date no. 3. He gets marks for that too.
      – you both watched two movies and consequently, he got too tired from the cooking/entertaining to ferry you home. Understandable as home entertaining can be draining, although he loses points for promising and failing. Regardless, this is date no. 3 which you consented to and must mean that you’re seeing some potential there. So that’s where the princess act can put away to oneside for now and you show your mettle. You don’t want to be considered an albatross or financial burden so let him see that you’re capable of doing things for yourself. Don’t ask for the money back.

      A few final notes:
      – view the £40 expenditure as a learning curve. Now you know the next time you visit him, to be aware of the time being spent so that (if the incident re-occurs) you can catch a train back home, instead of facing the possibility of paying for a taxi.
      – should the incident reoccur, gently but firmly let him know that as much as you’re trying to be understanding, you would appreciate him not making assurances that he can’t keep and if he knows he can’t drop you off, he should please advice you earlier so that you’ve got alternative travel plans. Don’t encourage any behaviour you don’t intend to continue supporting.
      – you should ALWAYS go on dates with your “vex money” in hand.
      – buy him a seasonal gift as well. Even though Christmas day itself is past, it’s not too late to just give a little something back.

      (But I sha wrote an epistle, oh… too much holiday idleness… 🙂 )

    • chrome

      January 15, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Get an Uber taxi!!!!

  48. http://mytestimonys.blogspot.com

    December 25, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    while guys may like manning up and paying all the bills, a lady who slips her man part of the bill is seen as a babe who understands and just won herself a man. mytestimonys.blogspot.com

  49. ngozi

    December 27, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    hi confused dater, tricky situation, even though he did all this stuff for you, its a bit shady for him not to pay your cab home cos he invited you to his house and he should make sure u get home safe. oh well…,give him the benefit of doubt for that one. go on a couple more dates with him then see how it goes.

    • Chai

      July 27, 2018 at 1:29 pm

      Some women are so confused. so so confused.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa

Star Features

css.php