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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: You’re Not Moving to SS3

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Back in secondary school, one of the things that scared me the most was the idea of repeating a class. I don’t know why. Okay, I lie. I know.

I was afraid of my Daddy!

I mean, how would I go to Lagos at the end of the year and say “I’m repeating” It wasn’t even a thought I entertained because it only just led me into a dark, never ending hole. It was bad enough that there were subjects that I was not doing well in, like Intro Tech – with comments like “There is a lot of room for improvement”; and things like Yoruba, where the teacher once wrote “O fi’di re’mi”. (It’s translated to “She failed Yakata”). With comments like that I was already getting heavy sanctions during the holiday, so, that failing enough to be asked to stay back in one class…in order to preserve my life? Yeah! I had to do WORK VERY HARD! My daddy wouldn’t take “I was always going to find a beans-grinding mill that used petrol, instead of electricity, at Basin gate”/”I was always going to buy meat at Ipata market” as an excuse.

I saw people who repeated, and came back to school – alive and smiling; and I thought “They have nice Dads”. In fact, some people had been repeating since primary school! I envied their parental relationships from afar. I don’t even know what my father would or would not have done… but it was safe not to find out!

As an adult, I have a completely different perspective of failing and repeating a class. (Yeah, easy for me to say huh?) I don’t think failing and repeating is a terribly bad thing, and I’ll tell you why! One of my very good friends failed Company Law in year 5 and it put a large strain on our relationship. Failing Company Law in year 5 meant she wasn’t going to Law School with us. This meant she wasn’t going to be called to the Bar with us. This meant she was going to be our junior at the Bar. Yada! Yada! At that time… this was a huge deal. In retrospect, it seems so trivial. I can count, on one hand, how many of my friends are actually practicing litigation – where the seniority is an issue. However, my friend retreated into her shell, changed her numbers, and became incommunicado. She didn’t ‘come out’ until she was called to the Bar. The effect of her failure on her was probably as big as my fear of father’s wrath.

Atoke CheeriosBut failing, and repeating is not the end of the world. Repeating at a task gives you a chance to do it again and do it better; that is if you’re someone who has a sense of purpose and direction. There is a lot to be said for being held accountable for everything we do. It helps us to work harder, do better and BE BETTER. When I failed my A Levels, I was devastated. Surprisingly, my Dad didn’t kill me. In fact, what my parents did was more shocking. Because I was so overwhelmed with shame… and a determination to do better, I opted to re-do the exams. Le Parents, then enrolled me in the best school for Cambridge A-Levels at the time. (It was three times more expensive than the first school) So, unless I wanted to die for real… I had no choice but to clear the exams. I studied very hard – depriving myself of TV, outings and sleep. My goals were clear and I was very focused. I aced the exams.

Last night, my friends and I were talking about the fact that students in the UK are not allowed to repeat a class. Because out here, the system is big on positive reinforcement, they just move all children to the next class. They don’t say oh you flunked this course. They say, your strong points are XYZ, and our next focal area should be ABC. The students are separated into’Ability Sets’ but that’s it. They’re ushered up the ladder till they’re cut down by the mighty hand of GCSE. That’s when the wheat is separated from the chaff. A child who has not been acclimatised to failure is then presented with this rude shock – which, in my opinion has a more damaging effect. Where does he/she then start to trace his steps?

The passing and failure bands helps to know your strong points, and the parts that need work. As members of the work force, the availability of accountability means there’s something that helps you improve yourself. So, you know that if your assessment at work last year was bad, you can focus on the things that need improvement. In the race of life, you can’t afford to keep looking at the other runners – thinking ‘Yepa, they’re reaching the finish line before me‘. Sometimes it’s about your strength, your stamina and self-accomplishment.

And if you fail, you can always dust yourself up… and try again. Because that’s what awesome people do! It’s okay not to move to SS.3! Maybe staying back in SS2 is what you need to meet that person who would change your life forever! Okay, now I’m beginning to sound like those motivational speakers. Let me go and get ready for my day. *whispers* It’s graduation day. I think I’m excited. I have arranged my clothes, hair, shoes, glasses…yeah, I have wiped them like 19 times this morning alone. We need to see that certificate CLEARLY

Have a fantastic week ahead! Whooop! It’s pay week, yo!

Peace. Love. Carrot batons.

Toodles!

 Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Mimagephotography

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

42 Comments

  1. Golden Geh

    January 26, 2015 at 10:00 am

    Congratulations Atoke. Check the kpali well and make sure say dem no spell ur name anyhow.
    In my house failure was never an option oh. If you remember say the school fees money hard my mama to get, you go adjust your brain. Luckily some of my siblings had scholarship which meant you no get any choice than to pass. We couldn’t afford a TV then so na only to sleep and read after school be the way out.
    Atoke we deserve cupcakes today not carrots, it’s your graduation jor

  2. jefka

    January 26, 2015 at 10:14 am

    Atoke i can completely relate to this write up…….failing to my parents was like loosing out on a billion dollar contract. they would literally mourn, carrying sad faces, whispering and the night prayers would increase from saying five decades of the rosary to 20 decades. they ould implore all the angels and saints to please lend me their brain as they are only required to sing praises to the Most High.
    hmmmmmmm, i failed once and fear of them taking me for deliverance kept me from failing again.
    fast forward to last year, i paid for my pmp exams myself and i failed………but i didnt feel terrible.although i wondered if the saints had collected their brains back.
    i say that to say this……….everybody is gifted and talented in unique ways, the school is meant to find out what that is and teach the child to harness it to the best of abilities………unfortunately nigeria is more concerned with politics to even bother with this.

    • Tosin

      January 26, 2015 at 10:52 am

      Fun article, fun comments.

    • Miss K

      January 26, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      Nigerian government is too concerned with politics. It’s the only thing that keeps them going.

    • imose

      January 26, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      Lolzzz

    • Pat

      January 26, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      @ Jefka u killed me with laugh with your comment.

  3. funmilola

    January 26, 2015 at 10:15 am

    hmmm,atoke for me it’s not only to get promoted ooo,your minimum grade must be a C….my mum will tell you not to even come home.
    the things parents do ehn,i once had a classmate in sec school who was promoted on trial to ss3 and the dad insisted he repeats ss2….I felt for that guy ehn but he did very well.
    What about me?I’ve worn the failure tag several times but it has never been my name and I am still succeeding.
    congrats atoke,enjoy your graduation day and see that certificate well….it’s not beans.

    • mz_daniels

      January 26, 2015 at 12:38 pm

      Yours was a ‘C’. My darling, I was an Efiwe oh. Couldn’t bring home a ‘C’ except in Igbo and that was untill my parents thought me Igbo well, then I started getting Bs. It helped though, wrote my WASSCE and UME like they were continuous assessments tests. For real, I used to watch T.V and gist cos I had been prepared for the exams months before

  4. chique

    January 26, 2015 at 10:36 am

    It is only now that we are adults that we realise its ok to fail/fall many times and still rise up..and that its not how many times we fail/fall but the ability to rise up is what matters.
    Lol! Yinmu* kids don’t wanna hear that kind of preaching oh. To dem failur is failure. Repeating a class is hell on earth.with the mentality of young people they should not be allowed to fail thaty is why some schools these days are nt even doing the position thing cos its causing more psycho harm than good.

    Personally I still wonder if failing/failure actually makes us stronger because it leaves some people worse than it met them. God help us all.

    • BN reader

      January 27, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      My dear I can say for a fact that whether or not failure makes you stronger depends totally on you. I had always been the “never failing student” all through primary and secondary school. Fast forward to A-levels, my parents just never talk about that part of my life and I appreciate it.
      Now I’m in medical school and believe me,you will fail more than you expect or plan to. I have had situations when I just fail continuously and surprisingly my parents have been very supportive. Failure for me has made me a much stronger person emotionally and I always try to learn from my failures.
      Bottom line is,it totally depends on you as an individual and what your psychology towards life and failure is. Try to make the best out of everything and in the end,it will all be fine.

  5. Scared Homosapien

    January 26, 2015 at 10:47 am

    The fear of failure, in my house, is the beginning of wisdom. My parents struggled to send us all to very good schools and all we had to do was get good grades, no negotiations (it was an unwritten rule, though). I was an above average student in all subjects, except Mathematics. In my school, then, you can ace all your subjects, but if you fail Maths or English, YOU ARE REPEATING.
    You can then imagine the shock i had when in my SS2 promotion exams, i scored 49 in maths and the pass mark was 50. I died and resurrected! Omo, come and see me plotting strategy on how to get my 49mark to 50.
    Long story short, i was promoted. Till date, that was the most scary experience of my life!
    I still had a F9 (that was because no other alphabet existed to rate me, it would have been a G10) in maths, in WAEC.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      January 26, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Ha ha!

  6. TA

    January 26, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Atoke mi of life. Congratulations on your graduation. Best wishes dear.
    …And as a true naija geh I just have to ask ‘Where the party at? 🙂

  7. Priscy

    January 26, 2015 at 11:09 am

    In secondary school, it was a taboo in my house to even think of failing a class.
    you dey crase?
    you go first think of the koboko wey dey wait you for house ooo
    That thought alone will reset your brain

  8. Dame

    January 26, 2015 at 11:26 am

    i can so totally relate…in my secondary school…all girls (FEGGI)…to repeat means to sit on “repeaters chair” which is also at the back and at a special corner”
    When twas time for SSCE…my dad reminded me that if i failed one course Pe’re…i would go back and enroll again…SEE FEAR.!!!! Me that was a FEELER in school…one of d gbogbo bigs gals…..mehn..i relocated to d classroom mehn and read hard,,,,lols..those where d days mehn…
    Now i see my aunts pet their kids when dey dont do well and even buy Gifts..Am like…WTH….y dont we swap parents…
    Lols but i guess in the long run…i am better for it

  9. arghn

    January 26, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    my popsy was worse….to repeat a class was unthinkable while growing up.i am d last child in my family so all the ‘wow grades’ my siblings cudnt attain,i had to make up jst so popsy will have something to pride about.it was so bad dat when i was ‘passing too much’, he wl change me to a more competitive school(frm primary-secondary).when it was tym for ssce he warned me that if i failed,i wud go to d village to farm.dat he wl never buy waec or jamb form twice for any1.fastforward.minyl my neighbour failed so bad in d uni,had like 3tyms extra year n she cant jst graduate.her dad (a university professor) has encouraged her to get another jambform so she can begin again.and am ‘whaaaaatttttt’??????.where did dis kind of dad fall from?’

  10. babygiwa

    January 26, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    Congrats Atoke. We were encouraged to do well at home but i think i was just an average or below average student in secondary school. After making jamb after 3 yrs i just vexed, lol, i decided i had to do well for my family and most importantly for myself in uni and i did just that. Made a first class in yr one and eventually graduated with a strong 2.1. I did it for myself and for all those who thought i couldn’t it. In tm retrospect, I’m wondering why i wasn’t one of the brightest students in secondary school seeing as i an now an efiko *inserts a very confused face* but all the same i thank God. I can’t wait to start my professional courses and masters soon. The fear of failure is now my driving force. Congrats tlonce again Atoke and no turn up?!

  11. babygiwa

    January 26, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    *do
    *am
    *once
    i don’t know where that tm came from!

  12. Chichi

    January 26, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    Awwwww congratulations Atoke. Best wishes

  13. blossom

    January 26, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    First of all congratulations on your graduation Atoke. Today is my very first time of reading your piece and it was relatable and catchy too. Failure begins the moment you throw in the towel and give up… if you try again then you are most certainly not a failure.

  14. missiey

    January 26, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    Atoke! Can imagine you hopping about in Ipata(lol)
    My parents were not one to scare me when I failed or maybe it was coz I didn’t fail, I just wasn’t at the top.
    My first failure was in university when I had a c.o hmmmm…. I cried ehn! And I felt sooooooo miserable. I’m just getting over it 2years after graduation. I had always thought I was too good to fail and somehow, I wish I had shock absorbers for it like the fear of my parents which would have translated into fear of failure.
    It’s all good because I have learnt from my short falls(OK babe, just say it-i have learnt from my failure).

  15. Neo

    January 26, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    What is failure? My Dad did not recognise that word with me and it helped me a lot because it was never an option for me. I also had a wonder kid elder sister who taught me at the ripe old age of ( not to celebrate the mediocrity of coming 3rd in a class of 62 students, even after i resumed JS1 two weeks after mid-term. So i grew up and instead of drawing lines between pass and fail, i learned to draw lines between first class and 2:1. While it helped me a lot with my self esteem and sense of self, the downside was me not appreciating or celebrating my successes.

    Congrats Atoks me darling. MA in Creative Writing is not beans!

  16. Munachimso

    January 26, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    The Fear of Failure……Sink or Swim Permit me to tell you how traumatising the last 2 weeks have been for me, after working for some years, I decided to go back for post graduate studies. Term 1: I am reading my books refusing to turn up oh!!. Minimised all my social activities, infact it was almost non-existent. In my head I must get this distinction ohh!!!. After Xmas holiday, all assessments are ready. I get to the faculty office, hand my ID card to the lady and she begins pulling out my script from the file. Right across the table I could clearly see the 56 as she pulls out my scripts , I tell myself that its 65 I am seeing. As I took my script, ran straight to my room, and no I did not cry. The British system is quite structured, so the tutor highlights all the flaws you made in your work and what should have been incorporated. Fast forward to 6hrs later, about 9pm, I am seated in front of my PC, skyping my friend and crying buckets, see sobbing ,you will think somebody died. The cry no be here ohh…my people. The pain worsened when I realised all my friends scored 60’s and above. I scored least in that module. I cried for 3 days , yes that’s how bad it was for me. When I remembered my school fees, the people who believed in me, the people I could not afford to let down…the sobbing continued. Failure can destroy your self confidence, you begin to doubt yourself, your abilities, and everything you have believed in.
    Lesson: Identify the root cause of the problem and move on, its not the end of the world. You are still as bright. To top it a couple of firms I interviewed with two years ago have been requesting I join them. Failure is just a phase and I think its part of the success big picture.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      January 26, 2015 at 2:48 pm

      I read your piece with tears in my eyes, especially the part about discovering your friends had higher scores. I liked your closing piece; how you are looking at the things that are positive in your life. But please allow yourself to heal properly and never, ever, stop loving yourself. No “stupid girl you can never do anything right”; no “how can you be so foolish to have missed that point”. Don’t suppress the rage or the pain. Acknowledge it and move on; don’t wallow in it. For me, I could not look at myself in the mirror for weeks. But when I gradually did, it was with a glint I recognized, far from the old gal I knew, but with enough spunk to offer a wan smile back at myself.

      And ask God to heal your heart and mind properly, He’s got awesome ways of doing that. Let him show you some of them.

  17. chydee

    January 26, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Congrats Atoke! Nice article as usual.

  18. Aderonke says #Bring BackOurGirls

    January 26, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    Congrats Atoke, may you reap the fruits of your labor, amen!
    Never knew failure until I got into university, i failed woefully in my 100l that I just could not face my dad. I even carried over a three (3) unit course, omo mennn I wanted to die. How will i tell my dad who has told the whole world that is beloved daughter is studying Engineering and will soon become the first Professional Engineer in the family? Kai it was serious Gbege… but thanks to my dearest eldest sister I was able to open up to her and she counseled me on how to manage my time especially with church and extra curriculum activities.
    Before Dad knew I was already getting my acts together, Big Sis had helped covered up well at home…..always telling Dad that my school had issues with results being released as at when due..lool Kai dat my sister deserves to be hugged everyday! She has bailed me out countless times.
    But you know naa parents always know when siblings cover up for each other but before my dad knew I was already in year 3 and above average and so the backlash was minimal but my dad still had one eye open just incase….
    But thank I struggled through and finished with a 2-2, “not so bad” said daddy but u would have done better if u started well!
    Lesson learnt for my children cos right now formal education na long thing..lol Man and money matters don rearrange my brain! lool.
    I never even practiced engineering sef…worked more as a sales engineer! *smh*
    My dad would have killed me if he had the chance…it was another tug of war then but my passion for sales prevailed!
    Love what I do now Dad, maybe my son or daughter will become the engineer one day if is their choice!

  19. oj

    January 26, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    the good old days…

    For me, my mum will abuse me for bringing one prize (from prize-giving day) home. She would ask me if the girl that took most of the prizes had two heads. lol

    Thank God that by Graduation day, I was the best overall science student. Till date, mum still relates how she would jump in happiness when they kept calling my name.

    When a child is asked to repeat a class, I think parents should allow the child repeat the class. It’s for the child’s good. I once had a neighbor who would bribe her children’s teachers so that they wouldn’t repeat. till date, the children are not doing well academically.

  20. Blessmyheart

    January 26, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    For some reason, my parents were never the threatening type neither were they the over-celebrating type. I did very well in primary school and it became kind of expected but when I wasn’t performing so well in junior secondary school I didn’t get any backlash from my parents. Similarly, when I started doing well in secondary school, all I got was well done. Then, I basically encouraged myself through university. I was recently not promoted at work and I basically couldn’t recover, I had to resign. I learnt that I don’t know how to handle failure. I fear failure much more than anyone knows, to the extent that I won’t try anything I’m not quite certain of success. I’m working on that aspect of my life right now, I need to learn how to step out regardless and allow myself to fail and get better.

  21. Mz Socially Awkward...

    January 26, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    Atoke, congrats on your graduation! See how 1 year just started and ended like that, carrying you speedingly through to the end of that chapter… Thank God say you don add another “kpali” to the collection.

    I hope you have a dry, sunny(ish) day to take the memorable pics and there’s a huge gbedu planned to “wash” it. 🙂 Enjoy feeling like a rock star for the achievement, you’ve earned it! xx

  22. Miss K

    January 26, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    Congrats Atoke.

  23. nef

    January 26, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    Congratulations Atoke.. Let me tell you what my family is like. My parents are from the same village. they have cousins and siblings and most of them have children that are about the same age. so in every age group we are at least 5 children from different parents all over Nigeria. Then I have this aunt who worked in Nitel beside Ministry of Education on Ahmadu Bello Way. Once Common Entrance result is out – she would take all the names of the candidates for the year and go to the Ministry to check the results. When she calls each family she would relay the results of all the various children that wrote in a particular year. Her kids were geniuses and so they naturally had the highest scores every time any of them wrote an exam. I was ecstatically happy that none of her kids fell into my group of 5. Same thing for Junior WAEC, same thing for WACE and JAMB. It was terrible. Woe betide you if you came last in your group. Or if your score wasn’t high enough to enter your first choice of Secondary School or University! All the various Aunts and Uncles and cousins 1st and 2nd cousins, even 3rd cousins will hear about it. And when we gather for any event, no one will let you have peace! It was torture. That publicity alone was all any of us needed to make us pass every exam. Repeat a class ke????? And fall into the next group? Disgrace of life! Never! I most definitely wont be pressuring my kids like that.

  24. Bisqo

    January 26, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Congratulations Atoke! Looking forward to reading more of your pieces! Part of my Monday morning ritual is settling in at the office with a cup of coffee and reading your work. You always seem to have a very different perspective on things…

    I don’t like failing and the one time that it really impacted me was when I had to repeat 400L and couldn’t go to Law School with my mates, I was in mourning literally wearing black, not eating, crying my eyes out… to top it all, I had already paid for, enrolled in and started Law School. Back in the day, we were allowed to attend classes pending our results (that were delayed) being released. I remember seeing my sister come to pick me up after Law School and her face was red (from crying), I knew immediately that I had failed…. it was a nightmare ride back home….

    … I eventually ended up with 2nd class lower honors (not a 3rd class had I passed the course I failed) and was able to earn a MSc in Information Systems and Design from Westminster University. Fast forward to my life now, I am a certified Quality Assurance Analyst and I love myself… my life, my job.

    The important thing I took away during that period of my life was when you fall, never stay down. I didn’t become an effico, I just organized and prioritized my time better and prayed harder.

    Didn’t mean to write an epistle, but the topic took me down memory lane…

  25. Shaded

    January 26, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    We as Nigerians for so long equated success with academic success . When I look back at my classmates everyone is paddling their canoe well – both the eficos and not so eficos. In fact the success of the non-eficos has been astounding. They are the ones that have gone into creative businesses where they are employers and not employees, while the rest of us are still serving the man.

    Sometimes academic success at an early age can make you one-track minded in terms of what your life-path should be.

    What you were in secondary school does not define you.

    • mrs chidukane

      January 26, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      Exactly! The non eficos have a way of doing better. Congrats Atoke, seems everyone failed introductory technology.

  26. Chinco

    January 26, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    Congrats Atoke! For me I think im harder on myself the times failures have come because I like to think of myself as a perfectionist… and I become all weird and mysterious and holier than thou ( Jesus You know I love You anyday and everyday), when this happens my family peeps go ‘ whats wrong with this one,relax your body and soul, but I no dey gree until I get my success story. Which reminds me jaree, let me go back to reading for my professional exams, it is well..

  27. imose

    January 26, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Congratulations Atoke hun!! Popping champagne on your behalf 😀

  28. DOO

    January 27, 2015 at 9:52 am

    Congrats Atoke! To some of us, failure was never an option, my dad always got the 1st position in school (whose dad didn’t) so he expected a similar performance from all his children. However, adulthood as shown me that the only failure is quitting; we never fail until we quit trying!

  29. tobi

    January 27, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    I was an efiko in primary and secondary school… my first biggggg experience with “failure” was in ss3, when I got less than 250 in my jamb….mo fe sukun ku…. I was sobbing…. my parents were pretty cool about it because they knew I readddddd for that exam…. Thank God I got admission sha…. ope ni fun Jesu

  30. tobi

    January 27, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    And congratulations Atoke!!!! More grease to your elbows ☆

  31. Tessa Doghor

    January 28, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    In college
    My final year
    I had two course I failed in year 2 that I had to do in my extra year….
    Psst!

  32. Tunmi

    January 28, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Congratulations Atoke. Failing is a good thing, and. I am glad I learned it early. In secondary school, the one class I failed (and ever failed in my Naija and US education) was music. I could not read it to save my life. And I still haven’t given it another look, but I appreciate music. But it hurt the most when I got a B in speech (because I was bored in the class) and a B in organic chemistry (because I didn’t do enough practicing). The lesson I learned was that ACKNOWLEDGE AND ACCEPT THE HURT. Especially when I got a 2 on the AP Calculus exam (that hit me at my core) but when I tested into calculus I at community college I got a do-over and it helped me. After accepting the hurt, I learned from it.
    1. Stay away from easy classes. If the class (not necessarily the course) isn’t challenging enough (which involves the professor, the assignments, and the students) then I won’t be bothered. I had to switch out of an accounting 201 class to the honors version (brilliant professor but “below grade level” classmates).

    2. You can never do too many practice problems. I learned my lesson from organic chem (I loved that course too, got my associate’ s in it) and applied it to calc 3 and the result was just magical. I fell in love with learning again.

    So yeah, failing helps. I almost look forward to it now as I’d rather fail now at the smaller level and fix it before I get to the higher level. Now I’m really going to put my all into not failing my first actuarial exam (FM)

  33. Ayo Al

    March 13, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    The fear that always gripped my heart when I remembered that my mum was eagerly anticipating my name to be called on prize giving day and it knew that it would not be so….Jokotade Afolabi would always collect 11 or more prizes and I was never called for once. No one taught me to start shedding tears right from the hall before going to meet with my mother’s cruel whip…. The fear those days… It made me though!

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