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Ucheoma Onwutuebe: Shady Sides of Feminism

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Just like Peter Tosh, famed Jamaican singer of blessed memory, I am for equal rights and justice. I am for equal opportunities both for men and women. If it is good for the geese, let it not be withheld the gander. I am not for stereotypes; not for that unspoken parable which says : “As living life to the fullest is for the man, so is cooking or a sedentary life for the woman.” Perhaps these would earn me an entry and a nod from the world of feminism.

Here’s another. I love the idea of a strong woman who can hold her own. If she chooses to be a mother, she is there for her kids. If she chooses a partner, she is loving and supportive but does not let her union and status become her sole definition.

For the past few years, feminism has been roused from its lair like a sleeping lion. It has won new converts in its wake and garnered an alarming popularity. But there are some things quite unsettling about some concepts of feminism, those strict feministic views that are drying up the milk of kindness from the bosoms of women.

Society’s dictates have not been entirely fair on women, I agree totally, but it would be false claim to heap all the blame on men and society for the woes of womanhood. A large percentage of the problems women face are woman-made and stems on the over-dependence on men to fend for their every need, that eagerness to downplay their comfort, to willingly embrace acceptability, conformity for fear of being alone.

Feminism is beautiful when it is empowering, but most times it tends to preach a rigid gospel that has its blueprint divorced from reality; it bears a message that does not leave you entirely happy after you have followed its dictates. It bears a message that deems certain choices mundane and un-feministic, especially if those choices do not go well with the precepts of its gospel.

For instance, If a woman willingly decides, without being shoved or harangued into it, to put a career on hold in order to raise a family; or if a woman decides to juggle the rigours of her career and meet the needs of a home front, why should her choice be perceived as inferior to that of a woman who shuns matrimony and family settings to pursue a careerpath, tooth and nail? For me,none of these decisions is superior to the other. What matters is what suits your person and what makes you fulfilled.

Now, I too disdain the rape culture of hip-hop, of how much it has reduced women to dumb figurines used only to sate sexual appetites. But truth be told, those videos and lyrics are not about to go away. It is a blooming market and people are patronising. The vixens in those music videos are not complaining . They are after a paycheck. But if as a woman, one is concerned about the effect this culture would have on ones children, then it is a parents’/guardians’ responsibility to protect their children from these influences.

Another issue I have with feminism is, it makes you think love is karate and as a strong female kung fu fighter, you should always and at all times have your will be done. But in love, playing second fiddle is inevitable, both for the man and for the woman. You put some things on hold for him and he pauses some plans to please you. Yet if a woman constantly downplays her happiness in order to please a man, then it is not a “love-arrangement”. It has become an employment.

I know there are women who think they are less human if they do not have a man lording over them; women who perceive themselves as zombies if there are no men in their lives. But emotional neediness is not peculiar to women alone. There exist and abound on this green earth very desperate and lonely men too.
This concept of feminism is bent on making the kitchen look like a prison where dreams are cooked, forgotten and burned. I know there are many misguided men who have sworn by their grandparents’ grave never to enter a kitchen in order not to neuter their masculinity . All I can say to them is that they have never really been hungry, alone or without money. One day, when one of these conditions befalls you, necessity would be laid on you to cook.

But as for the women, when did cooking become anti-feministic? Many women enjoy cooking for the ones they love and forgive their men if their mothers did not teach them how to boil eggs. For me, cooking, most times, is an act of love. Feminism makes you believe in the fallacy of the saintiliness of women; that women are the only victims of society. Yet this society we have accused of maligning women have also produced very corrupt female leaders and politicians; it is a society that has churned wicked female employers, stalkers, abusers, aunties who touch young children lewdly, thwarting their childhood. Let their actions not be excused them on the grounds of them being female. Let them face justice too.

Finally, every woman should choose what goes well with her sense of better judgement. For at the end of the day, what matters is making choices that suit your person, choices that make you rest easy at the end of the day and sleep well in the dark of the night.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

Ucheoma Onwutuebe is a Nigerian writer whose works has appeared in Lip Magazine Australia, Sentinel Nigeria‎, Y!Naija and other national dailies. She blogs at www.ucheomaonwutuebe.blogspot.com."

71 Comments

  1. Zedzed

    February 27, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    I’m sorry but this is total hogwash. You just described feminism through a stereotypical lens of what feminists think. I will reduce feminism to a simple one sentence description and then maybe you will get it: “feminism is a doctrine advocating social, political, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.”
    Being a feminist does not mean the kitchen is a prison for a woman, even an idiot should know how to feed him/herself. Feminism is giving the woman the right to be whoever she wishes to be and follow whatever path she chooses for herself, the phrase here being “chooses for herself”.
    A feminist could be a housewife or a ball breaking career oriented woman who hates to cook, as long as there are no forced choices.
    Sick and tired of feminist bashers, especially female feminist bashers who are totally unaware of the privileges they have because “a feminist” fought for these rights.

    • Changing Faces

      February 27, 2015 at 6:44 pm

      Atleast you even understand what she’s saying… I have no clue what she’s rambling about! One minute she’s for feminism, the next minute she’s bashing it! Ucheoma, it’s feminists that fought for your rights to go to school and become who you want to be! I hope that when advertisers choose to advertise with male bloggers instead of you simply because you’re a woman, you won’t come with another long epistle!

    • Surely

      March 1, 2015 at 7:52 am

      “”””Society’s dictates have not been entirely fair on women, I agree totally, but it would be false claim to heap all the blame on men and society for the woes of womanhood. A large percentage of the problems women face are woman-made and stems on the over-dependence on men to fend for their every need, that eagerness to downplay their comfort, to willingly embrace acceptability, conformity for fear of being alone.”””

      Once I saw this I suspected the writer is misled and I was right. FEMINISM HEAPS THE BLAME ON PATRIARCHY, NOT MEN. Just like race activists heap the blame on RACISM not white people. And while understanding the root cause is is patriarchy, many feminists are putting their money where their mouths are.

      Ucheoma Onwutuebe, you are ungrateful. (And yes I am blackmailing you emotionally).

    • Kemmy

      February 27, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      Please you’re so intelligent I just had to tell u. Thank u for this comment. You took words outta my mouth. You are a breath of fresh air. I kept shaking my head at all the misguided notions in the article. WTF????

    • bells

      February 28, 2015 at 9:32 am

      Zedzed, u need to read ds article agn, maybe u ll hv a different opinion. I agree wt d writer, most ‘so-called feminism’ do not knw d true essence of womanhood. Der r terrible men n der r terrible women. Being a women doesn’t automatically make u good. A man can cheats on his partner for no sensible reason, a woman can also cheat on her partner for no reason at all.( I once cheated on an ex out of curiosity) Let’s stop finding xcuses for ‘bad behaviour in women’ all in d name of feminism. Let’s tackle real women wt real issue!

    • Zedzed

      March 2, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Nobody is saying women are inherently better than men, there are good women and there are bad women (just as there good and bad men), Feminism doesn’t not care about goodness and/or badness, it cares about equal opportunities and freedom of choice for women (just as men have been freely choosing their paths in every single patriarchal society in the world for ages).

  2. Calabar Gal

    February 27, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    I am all for feminism…..

  3. aj

    February 27, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    An interesting read…. Something’s to ponder about, there are always two or 3 sides to an argument.

  4. Nahum

    February 27, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    You have also regurgitated all the stereotypes about feminists and feminism and put them in your article. Not one thing you wrote about feminism is true. Feminism is not about being a “female kung fu fighter” or not cooking for your family, there are much more important things to concentrate on. Feminism is about ensuring an equal footing for ALL genders in society. One dangerous thing about your misinformed article, is that people in our society will throwaway the baby with the bath water, rather than giving feminism a chance to create or at least encourage a more equal society, once they read an article like yours, both women and men will run for the hills and will not want to hear the message.

    Feminism wants to ensure that when that wife and mother chooses to stay at home and take care of her family, there are laws in place to protect her rights. When a woman goes out to work, rules and regulations against sexual harassment in the workplace exists to protect her right to work and many such laws such as PAID maternity leave for new mothers, feminists fought for that, divorce settlements that ensure that the man pays an allowance to his wife if he divorces her, feminism fought for that, girl child education, feminists fought for that, anti-rape laws, feminism fought for that…the list is endless.

    My point is, be careful not to tarnish feminists and feminism, because you are definitely the product of their battles and struggles. You should be grateful to the feminists of the past rather than tarnishing their good work.

    • Engoz

      February 27, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Nahum thank you for this. I believe certain concepts should not be introduced to the fickle minded. It would be hard for this type of people to grab simple principles. And you also have to know there are women who are actually misogynists, who chant the phrase of I hate women. It is the pathetic state of womanhood brought about by the need to compete for male attention. You can imagine this statement by the writer…

      …Yet this society we have accused of maligning women have also produced very corrupt female leaders and politicians; it is a society that has churned wicked female employers, stalkers, abusers, aunties who touch young children lewdly, thwarting their childhood. Let their actions not be excused them on the grounds of them being female. Let them face justice too…

      Has any Nigerian woman who committed these crimes been availed from such because she’s a woman? Is it not your fellow women that Nigerian men stuff pepper in their vaginas for one crime or the other during jungle justice? Cos I don’t understand the let them face justice too phrase. What other justice are you looking for? Lol

      You live in a society where single ladies cannot go to the hotels by themselves except accompanied by a male. You also live in a society where the girl child is being married off and your problem is that feminists don’t want you to cook? What sort of fickleness is this? Where has feminism ever stopped anyone from cooking? Feminism is all about individuals making the choice for themselves to cook or not to cook.

      Bellanaija why am I always at the opposite side of most of your features? Lol. Am I crazy or what, lol.

    • Obongawan

      February 27, 2015 at 7:12 pm

      You don’t need to be a feminist to believe in all these. Every human being(both men and women) should be advocating for all the things you mentioned. My problem with feminism is that it creates a division where people argue over whether one should be feminist or not.. Why does that matter? Sometimes we forget that calling ourselves feminists does not change anything. It is the action we put towards changing society that matters.

    • Surely

      March 1, 2015 at 7:54 am

      that’s why Chimamanda said we should all be feminists. You agree with the principles of feminism but you don;t want to call yourself one. hiss. Stay in you 18th century so that men will like you

    • kaycee

      February 27, 2015 at 9:18 pm

      Total BS. Almost all this things you listed that were fought by feminist is a total hoax. It is humanity, and by that I mean men and women alike that fought for those rights. Did you realise that bills for settlement of ladies were passed by the senate which were mostly men in US in 21 may 1995. Also, female children education were fought by men and women alike, so don’t try to pin it down to feminist, cos I for once have never failed to give my support to these ideals and guess what? am not even female, talkless of being a feminist.

    • Engoz

      February 28, 2015 at 12:21 am

      You are citing men to show that oohh it’s not feminism but ‘humanism’, lol without considering the fact that men are FEMINISTS too. The men who join in to instill these policies are feminists too. Obama is a feminist, Will Smith is a feminist, Prince Harry is a feminist lol. I find out that using the word humanist is a coping mechanism by your ilk to curry favour the fact that women are still disenfranchised in many parts of the world.

    • chi-e-z

      February 28, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Men can e feminists too. some people need to read up on feminism. The misconceptions are getting unbearable read up on women movements fromm 1900s down…

  5. Adesuwa

    February 27, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    Insightful!

  6. drknite

    February 27, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Man, this entire article could have been 5 words, Ucheoma believes feminism is overrated. I know 5 graders who can make their points more concisely

  7. Babym

    February 27, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    OMG! God bless u for this article. U have just echoed my thoughts! I belive feminism should also be allowing a woman be who the f**k she wants to be. If a woman chooses to be a housewife it is her choice and she should not be made to feel leas of a woman. The one that irks me the most is feminist reaction to this head of the household business.
    In my case, my husband is the freeeeaking head of the home. il explain why. He is a natural born leader, he is very diplomatic, an excellent planner and strategist. He makes very sound decisions, and ALWAYS gets my opinion and approval before making any decisions that affect our family and most of all he is extremely supportive and keeps pushing me to aim high. From him i have learnt how to save for a rainy day and make sound investments. Now im not the best planner, im not the best with money, im not the best with making decisions and what not. Ofcourse im great at so many other things that my hubby is rubbish at and so we complement eachother. So for me in terms of leading our home, my husband is the boss and is doing a fantastic job!

    However! Feminist would have me believe this is a wrong set up. And i shld fight my way to be the leader. They have told me to challenge everything and make sure my husband does not “boss” me! They have shamed me to believe that i must get my way in everything.

    But guess what this arrangement works for my family! So why should i be made to feel bad for accepting what works???

    • Engoz

      February 27, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      I’m happy you admitted you are not the best planner, you cannot lead, you cannot manage money, you cannot make the best decisions, that is why it is logical you take a subordinate position before you destroy the family, lol. There are women who are capable of doing the above better their husbands, but society expects the husbands to lead meanwhile the wife is the better leader. That defies logic, don’t you think?

    • Mbeke feeling funky

      February 27, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      I respect your opinion but please which feminists have told you that. You’re right being in a feminist is about doing you, you can be a housewife and still be a feminist. The same way the female MD at a multinational could believe that women should not be equal to men.

      I think the reason why feminists get a bad rap is because people don’t actually know that much about it and base their understanding on their experiences with a minority (ie people who claim to be feminists but haven’t taken the time to research on what they claim to be).

    • Abena

      February 27, 2015 at 8:15 pm

      I liked your comments over 10×.
      i am a Christian who agrees with what the Bible says about the man being the head of the house, the Bible admonishes Christian Men to emulate Christ who was loving, kind, thoughtful and humble to all he came across to. If my husband emulates Christ and there’s a happy home, why should I fight to be the boss like him? Why? Because some so called feminist said so?
      Like she has a happy home.?
      u my dear is soo right!

    • Hian

      February 28, 2015 at 2:45 am

      Read up on feminism dear, what you described is something else.

    • Surely

      March 1, 2015 at 8:01 am

      Abena, you are quite dense. So should a woman allow a man ruin the home because the Bible says so? @babym gave a realistic situation, her husband is good, he’s good. Nobody dies, everybody goes home. But what if he wasn’t??? Or what if BOTH of them were good? They will have to divide their responsibilities based on ability AND NOT gender stereotypes!!!!

    • Ms. A.

      March 2, 2015 at 9:14 am

      That’s not the point. The point isn’t about wrestling power from anybody. The point is about letting the more capable person lead. Regardless of gender. The bible can say whatever it wants to say. I wont let my inadequate, dim witted, scatterbrained husband or brother or father make decisions for me because they are male.

    • tunmi

      February 28, 2015 at 3:47 am

      I am a feminist and I applaud you and your husband’s setup. That is what feminism wants to achieve in male-female relationships: roles based on capability not because of a XY chromosome.

    • ada nnewi

      February 28, 2015 at 9:25 am

      Thank you for your sound summary on what the lady just spilled, she obviously has no clue on what feminism is about…At the office, my colleagues constantly label me feminist like it’s a negative thing, because I believe that my capabilities matter before my gender…I gladly accept that i’m a feminist, cause I refuse to be defined solely by my gender…

    • Ellechi

      February 28, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      Well, judging by the way you reason , BabyM its a blessing that your husband is the leader of your home and you’re not trying to wrestle it from him. 😉
      I’m sick of all the painting of feminism as this anti-men culture. If you don’t want to be feminist, dont. But don’t assume feminism is all/only about unseating men from thier position. There are no winners or losers in feminism, it all about everyone getting respect and what’s fair regardless of gender

    • Tee

      February 28, 2015 at 5:38 pm

      You are dead wrong Babym. What you described ain’t close to feminism. The idea of feminisim is not to wrestle power from your “darling” husband or any man for that matter. In the simplest term possible, Feminist believes in EQUAL OPPORTUNITY for both men and women!

      Is that so difficult to comprehend?

    • F.N Nwapa

      February 28, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      Yeah, you don’t quite get feminism then. Just like yours, my husband is the boss,. For me personally he is the boss NOT because he is a man but because he is better than I am at taking charge of our affairs. I know of relationships that work well where the woman is the better organiser and so,in charge.
      Nigerians swallow too much the bullshit of the man is the head of the house. Being a man does not automatically assign you leadership qualities. I think people sometimes I just afraid of the word and think it means women are trying to take over the world.

    • Surely

      March 1, 2015 at 7:58 am

      YOU ARE A LIAR!

      Feminism says may the best human win, regardless of gender. I know so many women who have ruined their families because they let the man make big decisions and he failed woefully. If your husband is good, he is good. But if it was you with these characteristics, would you take the forefront? There are MANY women who are better leaders than men and they should be allowed to do so. Now this is feminism.

  8. Demilade

    February 27, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    This post is so accurate. This is exactly what I think of anytime I hear all the feminist bants. Great write up. xx

  9. mama ovie

    February 27, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    Be who you choose to be, as for me I support feminism 100 percent ,
    People like to portray feminism as anti-family, male hating etc

  10. Abena

    February 27, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    I kept nodding at this article thruout.Very interesting article and i know the very strong willed feminist would come out with all guns blazing!Their own naw..whatever rocks their boat.
    Its a man’s world..i truly believe that,no matter how unfortunate that sounds….So what do you do about it?find a way to get what you need and want.
    Just as some people would claim in the comment section that what Ucheoma wrote is not what feminism is about,the truth is,like Islam where some bad nuts like ISIS ,Boko Haram,Al shabab give the religion a bad name,so has some over zealous women give the whole movement of feminism a terrible name.
    In my country,they are probably gender sensitive:girls are given more leverage when it comes to admission into schools,the percentage is higher bcos they want to encourage girl child education.There is no disparity between the grades of our salary,its your work input that determines your salary.
    All this oyibo things sef!me i like to be pampered and treated beautifully by a man,i didnt see dependence oo,i hold my own .
    When Yaa Asantewaa was leading the men in the Ashanti kingdom to war against the British who cared about feminism?
    Some things are just that
    Me koraa lemme end here,its Friday 4:52pm,what am i doing here typing away ,lemme go home and sip on some red wine.
    Enjoy the weekend darlings,dont get yourself worked up over nothing
    MUA

    • tunmi

      February 28, 2015 at 3:45 am

      “When Yaa Asantewaa was leading the men in the Ashanti kingdom to war against the British who cared about feminism?” That right there is feminism in action. The thing is we had feminism before the world even had a concept of it. How many female leaders do we have in the world right now? Africa (West Africa especially) had male and female leaders in numbers before colonialism. Colonial powers brought their ideas of equality and inequality.

      We had these great people. We had and practiced feminism.

    • Engoz

      February 28, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      Thank you Tunmi, our people seriously need to be educated. From history, African women are pioneers of feminism-female rights. It was still a patriarchal society but the African female voice was not silent. I consider this a check and balance system. Women organized themselves in groups and demanded for their rights and the men must listen! It is the introduction of foreign religions -Christianity, Islam, and colonization which preached how to be the subdued housewife that has ruined female rights in Africa today…

      During the colonial period..the curricula emphasised religious instruction and clerical skills for boys and domestic science for girls. Technological and scientific based education was not encouraged. The curricula for girls enabled them to become good housewives, rather than income earners. As regards politics, colonialism affected Nigerian women adversely as they were denied the franchise and very few of them were offered any political or administrative appointments.
      Read more: onlinenigeria.com/Nigerianwoman/?blurb=150#ixzz3T2NgOvTk

      One of the angst during the Aba Women’s war apart from taxes which was organized by women was that the British refused to elevate female political structures, but only did that of the men. And the women were angry. The women organized themselves all across South Eastern Nigeria and brought down structures of the British. A few were killed in the process. The British thought it was men causing all the ruckus, but soon realized it was all women. That was how firebrand your foremothers were.

      It is with this fervor the 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s could boast of Funmilayo Ransom Kuti, Margaret Ekpo. Funmilayo Ransom Kuti led a woman army to an Oba’s palace which led to his abdication.

      Who can we boast of today with such organized fervor? Instead we have women deriding other women for speaking up, more interested in the mediocre when in our backyard a girl child in this era is being still sold to the highest bidder. Today you have African men getting angry over the fact that women do have a voice as human beings when indeed it is African for women to be vocal about their issues. Today females have been kicked into a corner to believe that to voice your opinion is to ‘threaten the man.’ Today society preaches that a woman should still stay in her matrimonial home under violent situations, meanwhile in societies in Igboland, all the woman had to do was to report him to the female group, and this group would help her deal with the man, and the men of the society would never come to his aid either. Your foremothers had the sense to fight for their rights. Womanhood has been defeated in Africa by the onslaughts of the british, christianity and islam, and articles like this continue to beat down a dead horse we are trying to revive.

      The West did not sell us feminism, our fore-mothers were the original feminists who were capable of even turning combative if their rights were infringed upon.

    • Surely

      March 1, 2015 at 8:04 am

      Now I’m sure you’re dense. Pick up a book and drop the wine glass.. How can a person be so comfortable with ignorance?
      And I used to live in Accra, it’s a veryyyy sexist place just like the rest of the world. You’ve blinded yourself to the truth because you’re hoping Prince Charming will look after you. shio

  11. Theresa

    February 27, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    Beautiful. Just beautiful! I find this article very balanced yet truthful. Thank you Ucheoma, may your ink never dry…

  12. Toyin

    February 27, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Nice article, however there is more to feminism than the relationship and balance of power between a man and a woman or gender roles in the home.
    With feminism, we can also address proper response to gender based violence including access to justice for victims, we can strengthen the health sector so that the maternal mortality rate decreases significantly,we can develop and promote initiatives to empower women financially, creating opportunities for women to work from home, even arguing that a full housewife should earn wages because house work is after all work, some women also still earn less than their male counterparts. I am of the opinion that a man or woman who desires to live within a fair and balanced system looking through the gender lens might in fact be a feminist.

    • Hian

      February 28, 2015 at 2:44 am

      THANK YOU TOYIN

  13. Festus

    February 27, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    Fun to read and insightful….

  14. kwo kwo

    February 27, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    something to ponder on. i love this piece…Be who you want to be

  15. Ajagbe Love

    February 27, 2015 at 6:48 pm

    BRILLIANT AND INTERESTING ARTICLE. KEEP IT UP DEAR!

  16. Bernard Kalu

    February 27, 2015 at 6:52 pm

    This piece is a beautiful one. As I guy that was raised by a single parent.. My mom, I have seen quite a number of women, most friends of my mom- with very misguided concepts of feminism.. Many of them believing that the best show of feminism is being at the opposite side of thought of the men in their lives. When a man is head.. what the woman doesn’t get is she is the neck. The balance of the head is in her power. Feminism that makes the woman esteem herself more than she ought to is folly. I’d rather women be driven by wisdom than feminism.

    • Hian

      February 28, 2015 at 2:43 am

      The feminist movement fought for your mum to be able to work and have a salary of some sort. Feminism according to Nigerians is a movement of angry women trying to “displace” men, feminism according to everyone else is different. There is a great deal wrong with the Nigerian society and its view of women. You even hear young girls when they try to catch a guys eyes saying…I do not believe in that feminist stuff o to appear docile and bendable. Meanwhile, she believes that men and women are equal beings.

  17. Obongawan

    February 27, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    @Nahum

  18. sparkle

    February 27, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Finally, every woman should choose what goes well with her sense of better judgement. …

    That’s just the summary of this lovely piece.. Extreme feminism leaves you angry,sad and lonely. Be true to yourself. Define your own feminism and let no one bully you into extremity.

    I rest my case.

  19. EllesarisEllendil

    February 27, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    LOL!!! why you people stay debating which form of feminism is “right” we will stay running the world. Continue Please.

  20. Idomagirl

    February 27, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    Everytime a Nigerian writes an article on feminism a voice tells me not to read it, but I never listen. I find that it is the Nigerians who understand feminism the least that are the first to write think pieces on why they don’t like feminism or why it is this or that. It’s not enough to gather cliches and overbeaten stereotypes in one article, at least do some proper research and discard these generalisations.

    There’s no need to talk too much because some commenters have already articulated perfectly all the flaws in this article.

    • Hian

      February 28, 2015 at 2:35 am

      Idomagirl, I was thinking the same thing. Nigerians definition of feminism is just side eye worthy. It is not worth the argument,

  21. jforjudith

    February 27, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    This one na Long story! Aint nothing wrong with feminism full stop!!!

  22. hellooo

    February 27, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    You all should be HUMANISTS….
    The hearts of men (and women) are desperately wicked.
    Seek the good of humanity

    • GIrl

      February 27, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      I liked your comment 25 times. lol. I mentioned a few weeks ago to a friend that the word feminism annoys me because it creates a divide mainly because people assume Feminists hate men etc. NO that is a lie. I believe we should all be humanists and that will take away the connotation that feminism is the idea that females hate men. It is the idea that we are all equal and should all be treated equally. A housewife can be a feminist, a woman who decides to have 10 children in 2015 can be a feminist as long as it was a choice she made on her own not one imposed on her by her husband and/or society. If a girls idea of success is getting married at 22 and chillin at home it does not mean she isn’t a feminist it means she wants to do that and she will do it because it was her choice but once again that word FEMINISM/FEMINIST makes people believe its about women being rebellious so lets all just say HUMANIST. WE SHOULD ALL BE HUMANISTS.

    • Surely

      March 1, 2015 at 8:08 am

      HUMANISTS abi?
      Just like #alllivesmatter and not #blacklivesmatter?
      Just like civil rights movement should have been human rights movement abi?

      May God put empathy and wisdom in your simple heart.

  23. Reverse

    February 27, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    Ucheoma it’d be great to understand a concept before writing about it; all this ignorance you are sharing, diaris God o…

  24. Ms Geeky 30

    February 27, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    Smh. Kaycee, you dont have to be female to be a feminist. If you believe in equal rights for both genders, you are a feminist! I dont even get what the problem is. Why are people so against this word? And why are some readers agreeing with this pointless article?

    To address your specific point on the senate which was mostly male passing certain laws that favour the cause of the feminist. You do realise that it was under duress, don’t you? Going by your argument, nelson mandela was never part of the anti-apartheid struggle and martin luther king was never part of the struggle against racism. Just because you are not sitting in Government does not mean you cannot influence and/or force change.

    Please go read up on the suffragetes and other similar type movements. I dare you to come back and tell the above commenter she is writing bs!
    Smh. I cannot even with the new readership that BN has begun to attract. It is enough to give one a headache.

    • kaycee

      February 28, 2015 at 6:19 am

      All this feminist buhaha, it totally pushed by egomaniac female who feel the need to validate themselves before men. And you definitely don’t have to be feminist to push for equal rights for men and women, so don’t try and put people in a box. Why don’t you all feminist be humanist, instead of all this men obsessing women who thinks every man out there is out to discredit them. All you feminist women in this website have nothing more to do than bash men all day in this website and that is the reason why this feminist bull crap has be waning down in recent times, cos u lots are so obsessed and hateful about men, which you all desire to have by certain time in ur life.

    • Ms Geeky 30

      February 28, 2015 at 9:10 am

      And just like that, you prove my point kaycee about the new bn readership.
      Why do i even bother? lol!

    • kaycee

      February 28, 2015 at 7:11 am

      Well let’s say you don’t have to be female to be feminist, but you certainly don’t have to be feminist to advocate for equal rights for men and women. The example I gave about majority men passing the female settlement bill was to buttress the fact that men who doesn’t see themselves as feminist believe in equal right and sorry you don’t have to put me in a box, because I believe in equal rights. FYI, I know about suffragettes movement and what it represents and believe me when I say young female of nowadays got this struggle figured out all wrongly.
      Who gives a dam about you being intimated about new BN reader, that the problem of you all feminista, you lack objectivity and subject yourself with an adamant, subconscious, malignant and audacious subjectivity that all men are out there to belittle you. FYI, I visited this site out curiosity that my lady has been acting a bit confrontational with me, because she visit this site quite frequently. Didn’t know it was some men obsessed, melodramatic and compulsive female like you have been feeding her mind with words of hate and bitterness for men. I have decided to dedicate an hour of my ever busy schedule to counteract this quagmire. So brace up, winter is coming.

    • ada nnewi

      February 28, 2015 at 3:24 pm

      Typical delusional male…

    • Ellechi

      February 28, 2015 at 3:35 pm

      So if you believe in equal right between genders (which is the summation of feminism) why are you not feminist? Or is there another definition of feminist you know and we don’t?

    • Ms. A.

      March 2, 2015 at 9:45 am

      You have a lady? A living human female is dating you???? Seriously, don’t lie to us. Do you really have a person who is alive and with their whole faculties that you call your lady??? Wonders shall never end.

  25. Jess

    February 28, 2015 at 12:19 am

    Never have I been more pissed at an article. Feminism is as simple as equality. There is nothing shady about it.
    Do you think men and women are equal and should be treated as such, if Yes then you’re a feminist, if No then you’re not.
    This article assumes only females can be feminist which is incorrect. A man who believe in the equality for all is a feminist.
    An individuals dependence on a man is her personal choice, how females choose to go about their relationships have nothing to do with feminism. A woman can cook, clean, wash clothes, be a house wife and still promote feminism as far as she believes that every genders should be treated equally with equal access to opportunities, pay, and equal rights in every area of life. As far as she believes she is equal to her man and she stands by it. That’s feminism.
    So No feminists do not hate the kitchen. I am a feminist and I will cook for my man and feed him, not because I am female and social conventions dictates that I am supposed to but because I love him and when I said my vows I promised God that I will take care of him, and I expect him to do the same for me too.
    Female Feminist do not believe they can do everything a man can do, because a man cannot do everything that women can do – a man can never birth a child. A feminist fights for a world where gender is not a barrier to success. Its that simple
    So please get your facts about feminism straight because this article is a disgrace hunnie.

  26. Hian

    February 28, 2015 at 2:38 am

    Feminism has never made the kitchen a prison. Please Nigerians study feminists and their lifestyles. Some Nigerian men have become so threatened by women having a voice that they tag everything feminism and true to form, the women follow along like “forgive me” headless chickens without even understanding that feminism is not to push the man to the back of the line. It is to make sure as a woman, you are treated as a human being and given the opportunity to dream and accomplish because God gave you a brain to make impact and not sit down and be a flower that should be plucked and tossed to and fro.

  27. Ib

    February 28, 2015 at 4:27 am

    One more article on feminism and I would shove a spatula down someone’s throat. Ogini

  28. ezinne

    February 28, 2015 at 4:33 am

    What in the world is all this bickering for?
    The writer didn’t even say she is not a feminist.
    She is only against its extremism. If our moms were extreme feminists, we would have had poor, neglected childhoods. Stop pretending that this course is flawless . It is a beautiful course but it is over rated.
    I am a feminist but not a fanatical one.

    • ada nnewi

      February 28, 2015 at 9:31 am

      No you are not a feminist because you have no clue what feminism is really about…

    • Ms. A.

      March 2, 2015 at 9:48 am

      Go and sit down little girl. Feminist indeed.

  29. Ifemelu

    February 28, 2015 at 6:53 am

    My brothers are feminists. My father is a feminist. I am a full blooded Nigerian and i am a feminist. My father encourages my liberal political views. We discuss reproductive rights in our house, we discuss social political issues in my house. We even discuss atheism and such in my house. Let us keep in mind my father does not have a college degree yet still, he would argue and i mean argue about such issues with you. I can’t stand the rubbish of some ignorant articles like this. Feminism is damn simple: Do you believe men and women should have equal rights?! YES! Congrats, you are a feminist! Good lord, it is time we start getting educated feminists to write articles on here. Bella Naija, your readers are very much educated women, show us more intelligent and well informed articles.

  30. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    February 28, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    Ucheoma.,

    Sometimes the crowd here can be very unforgiving; even against its own. It may have crossed your mind as you read the comments that we don’t understand what you tried to say; that we may have gotten it all mixed up. Its good that you ( I hope ) wisely chose to stay out of it.

    As I read your piece, I felt like I was been scuttled from one extreme and meaning to the other and did not quite understand the thrust(s) of it. Then I hurried to the comment section to see if I could glean a thing or two but all I could think was, “Oops! Now I think my mind too biased to go back and read without a stray comment or two coming to mind.

    Personally, I try to avoid such topics (in one-on-one discussions as well as commenting) as they tend to have too many warriors ready to pick up their weapons; most, foolhardily. It is a war you cannot win no matter how well couched your opinion(s). Even within your rank there is no consensus of decision or of choice.

    I therefore salute your bravery and hope to read from you again….very soon.

    I wish you fairer reads and calmer BN’ers.

  31. nwanyi na aga aga

    March 2, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    So let me ask one question seeing that this is equal opportunity for female folks, what of equal opportunity for men? Are they allowed to choose? Are they allowed to choose to sit back at home and tend the house while their wives furnishes them with pocket money/allowances and pay for their advanced education should they wish? will the society be kind on such a man? Can the man ask for money to hang out with guys and pop champagne just as the lady is allowed to ask for money for expensive aso ebi? How many of us feminist with equal opportunity will marry a guy with such a nice laid back dream, where we will be primary providers while he gives up his career to tend the home? Lol! is the man allowed to choose to wait for a babe to come and marry him, pick the wedding tabs while he just uses his salary for his men on suits without our society labeling him as a weak man and a gold digger? is he allowed to stand near his car with flat tyres so that his dear wife who is better at changing tyres and fixing cars comes to do it as he can not handle it? Is he allowed to mourn his dead dad crying for two months without getting up will the ladies understand that this equal opportunity to cry without inhibition? Looool! My imagination is running wide, I will stop here. So this equal opportunity is it just for women to be allowed to do what men can do, are we aware that there are some privileges we women enjoy that men are not even allowed to dream of? All I Know is that the both genders compliment each other. Feminist or not. Just like someone said women always had power, they choose whether to use it or not. History has a lot of examples of such women staring us in the face. My mum told me something I always hold dear, You be what you want to be no matter what anyone says, no matter the label. So Feminist or not I will do what i want to do, be i what i want to be simple.

    • Engoz

      March 3, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      Yes a man is allowed!

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