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Isio Knows Better: Forgiving Even When Someone Sets Out To Hurt You

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IMG_5865I was getting quite irritated with my friend, and wished she would just drop the matter. You see, several years ago, an old friend had turned aggressor. And now, six years after I had walked away from the whole mess, she sent me a message saying she was sorry, a message I barely read and deleted- which prompted my current friend’s intercession. She decided it was her christianly duty to press upon me to forgive and forget. She didn’t understand why the “sorry” was not good enough and why I was reluctant to talk about it, but kept telling her to leave matter for Matthias. She say God talk say make we no dey remember vex… I tell am say, “okay, I haff hear”. She no know say the matter wey she wan put mouth, Oghene Chineke God himself go talk say WAOWWWWW just start inspecting the clouds and whistling.

Please, what is “sorry?” Is it an animal, place or thing? Just kidding, but I swear, some people can sha do some things that can make you wonder and shout “AHHHHHHH!” until a fly enters your mouth. Like this old friend of mine.

Religious people can be tempted to see repentance as an easy formula to ensure favour with God, without having to fundamentally change their lifestyles. There is a difference between saying, “I am sorry”, and “I was wrong, it won’t happen again.” One accepts responsibility for one’s actions – and the problems they caused, the other does not. Apparently, it is easier to say sorry than admit to any wrong-doing.

Anyway, let me start the tori.

Once upon a time, many years ago, I found out that my bobo of two years had met a friend of mine while we were on a “little break” the reason for which I can’t even remember. A few weeks later, we made up and continued our relationship.

But confusion is when you are out with the girls and you are forced to borrow your girl’s phone to make an emergency call to “dearly beloved”, only to see his name pop up as a pet name. Trust is when you confront him about it and he acknowledges the meeting of the person but denies any indiscretion. Naiveté is when he hugs you tightly that evening and swears he will never “do you like that” because now he knows she is your friend – and you believe it. Inexperience is believing everything said, just because it was uttered.

Yep, what did I know? I was inexperienced, young and in my first official relationship. All I knew about relationships was from watching my parents’ and applying the best of their love to mine. This was before I learnt that not all prize was worth the hunt. Me no know say no be every yam wey dey farm na e fit to chop. Just because something looks/feels like yam, does not mean that it is a yam. Sometimes, it is an agbalumo. A very acidic agbalumo.

Like play like play, na so the clap take enter dance.

I am the first to admit that people err, and that making mistakes is part of being human. We say/do the wrong things, we misread others and sometimes hurt people knowingly and unknowingly. But over the next two years, this girl became something else. I left the relationship many times out of anger, frustration and sheer tiredness but bobo would always come back and say sorry – begging, crying, very persistent and very contrite. Yimu. The uglier the attacks grew, the more peculiar I realized it was… because she would leave him alone when he and I broke up. But immediately he and I reconciled, BAM! She was back with a vengeance.

The drama was unending. She faked being pregnant twice, even faked a doctor’s report which she took to his family as “proof”. All I could say when he told me that she was pregnant was an incredulous “SO YOU ARE STILL GBENSHING THAT GIRL?!” Anyone who has ever had to listen to someone they love explain that their indiscretion had yielded fruit; a living being, can relate to how heart-breakingly painful it actually is. Worse, if the “baby-mama” was once a friend of yours. Words cannot describe it. And then the apologising started, the I’m-sorry-I-don’t-know-how-it-happened, it-was-a-mistake, the-baby-is-innocent, my-family-is-pressurizing-me-to-accept-the-child, I-swear-I-don’t-want-the-mother, please-don’t-leave-me-baybeeeeee.

I was speechless and bursted into tears.

Suddenly, it became a tribal thing. Both of them shared tribal roots while I was Deltan. And then she said I was a witch, a Lagos wife, who had bewitched their son. She would threaten to commit suicide and slit her wrists if he didn’t love her back. Once she locked herself in a room with him and swallowed the keys (so he said). Yimu. That she was willing to wait. She would send him “daily devotionals” and “long, love epistles”. Some of these messages I read with my koro-koro eyes. Back then, I used to cook a lot, and would send an occasional bowl over. Hian! This girl took over and would go cook and send to his dad. Then she started to wear what I wore, and fix the kind of hair I did.

It was all very disturbing.

I would go to his place and see that she had put her panties in the drawer I kept my things. And she would put her “bikini” pictures where she knew I would see it. And then I would get strange calls. Some would abuse the skeleton out of my body. Once she called me with his phone when they were having loud sex (yes o, it got that serious), and another time she got someone to call me that there was a fire in my boyfriend’s house and that people were trapped!

I rushed there to find no fire but two of them in bed.

It took a moment to sink in – that the tattered mess which laid all over the floor were what was left of my clothes. She had taken a knife to them and they had wrestled and decided to have angry sex on my precious clothes. But it wasn’t enough. She had to have me see her in bed with him, so she had her friend pull that stunt.

Walahi, the list of atrocities she and bobo committed is longer than what a BN column can carry.

And then there were the very diabolical things. Some spiritual battle things… cough-cough. I have had a dead-rat jew-jew placed under my bed, hexes drawn on my door and death-threats with a coffin drawn and pasted on my door. Haba, it’s not that serious, please kontinu without me.

And that was how I learnt to leave matter for Matthias. And walk away sharply without fear from anything that no longer serves me/disturbs my peace of mind/leaves me worse than it met me. I cannot fit to shout, biko. Eez not by force.

So, when is sorry not good enough?

When one consciously chooses to hurt another with great intent, and indeed does so continually over a period of years… saying “sorry” after-the-fact(s) is not good enough. Because saying “sorry” can easily become a commonplace and meaningless act of convenience. Another is when the people you treat with courtesy like receiving it, but don’t accord you the same respect, time and time again.

What do you think? When is sorry not good enough for you?

Side note: (*clears throat*) I have decided to take a one-month hiatus from creative-writing. Make una no vex. I love you all eh. Even you, madam gidi-gba and minions. Not because you said sorry, but because I don’t have a choice. Life is a fleeting moment. Your sorry will never be good enough, but I forgive you anyway.

Kisses!

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

120 Comments

  1. serene

    March 10, 2015 at 9:21 am

    Not all yam is to be eaten…can’t stop laughing. Hian!!! Isio, abeg was the guy Bill Gates plus Dangote’s son? Or how haaaaaaandsome was he? D babe can fight for Africa o. If its me, since the second matter…I haff run. That kain luv, my dear mother’s daily rosary haff delivered me since. Lol

    • wen

      March 21, 2015 at 6:30 pm

      Biko Isio you didn’t end the story well o…did they finally merge,i mean, shey dem marry abi babe still dey do craze everwhere?

  2. prettydordor

    March 10, 2015 at 9:41 am

    I hate it wen ppl say sorry wen de dnt mean it. U cannot continually hurting a person n expect to say sorry so evrything goes back to normal! Like u said, sorry n I was wrong, are entirely different. Dear Isio, talking a break frm writing, means am gonna miss u real bad…

  3. Words by Koko

    March 10, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Hmmm dis kain story. I don’t have the strength or hope or faith don’t know Which to stick with a man after even a quarter of this. Some friends are just witches and the guy doesn’t he have a mind of his own?
    And yes sometimes “sorry” isn’t just enough especially when they don’t acknowledge they aree wrong or even look remorseful

  4. Miss K

    March 10, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Wow! This is a serious matter I tell you. I totally understand you Isio; there’s a fine line between “sorry” and “I was wrong it won’t happen again”. I had the same experience with a friend right from uni till after, not that she dated my ex but she was always forming “Iya yard” in our matter and the ex too wouldn’t stop going to her for counsel.

    To think I planned her wedding with her. I sharply deleted her off my contacts – facebook o, bbm o and now that I’m jejely keeping it cool with myself, she called to ask me “se o le to yen ni?” and I said “babe, you’re constantly in my face so yes, o le to yen by the way, how’s your baby doing?” That ended it.

    I’ve forgiven her but we can’t run in the same circles anymore. Shikena!

    • DontcryDontbeg

      March 10, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      Oh my God. Its those counsel ones. Constantly inserting themselves into you and the guys matter. Rubbing shit in your face. I and this particular guy did not not work out. But she will not hestiate to stop talking bout him every single day. “Oh Mike said this” .. ” Oh mike said that” “Oh don’t worry, when he gets married, I will send you video clips”…

  5. nonamespls

    March 10, 2015 at 9:57 am

    Come back Isiooooooo

  6. Call Me Gorgeous..

    March 10, 2015 at 9:58 am

    Dear Isio,
    I am officially in love with you and your writing..no homo pls!
    Can we be friends?!:)

    As for your question, sorry is certainly not good enough in some situations like your narrative above, but what we can do now?! We just have to forgive and move the heck on! The Lord will continue to fight our battles for us and we will emerge victorious!

    P.S. Did your ex eventually marry your frenemy?!

  7. me12u

    March 10, 2015 at 10:05 am

    Wait o..Isio you mean you wouldnt be writing for one month? If na joke biko stop am o, how you wan make my tuesday be na? Abeg try reconsider.

    side note: We all love you. You work brings us some/more understanding to life/world. Thanks.

  8. No be today

    March 10, 2015 at 10:05 am

    Sometimes i wonder why girls do this.

    I had an experience recently. The babe invited her friend to go out with us and datsall

    She got my number from her friends phone and would call morning, day and night.
    She would blackmail me saying why don’t i like her? is it because her friend is this, her friend is that? Anyways, i no gree am.

    Ladies learn something, never go for your friend’s man. He likes your friend and not you. If he is loose, he will only sleep with you but still go back to the girl he loves.

    Another thing i saw is the main girls always act like they don’t care or like the guy. They tell their friends d shortcomings of the guy. This gives their friend the ginger to chase the man. “Since she does’t like him, let me try my luck syndrome”

    @Isio, if that is your story, your eyes have seem something o. pele!
    Oya come make we marry na 😉

  9. AnonymousButSabi

    March 10, 2015 at 10:10 am

    It’s a Lie o!
    So that Vivian can apologize? Abeg swear for her generations if indeed she did all these.

    The best part is, “bobo” dumped her unceremoniously and married some Ngbeke yoruba geh….after he had planned wedding with her and sent out invites. Lol.

    At least I sabi that much.

    She has since married some young guy and has a daughter, Nicole. So maybe she don born again. Isio u sef forgive and move on.

    • MeSefSabi

      March 10, 2015 at 11:11 am

      I swear, you really sabi the gist. Hahhahhahaaa! Very wicked thing, that girl. She can lie and pretend for Africa. SMH. Karma is a deadly bitch.

    • Que

      March 10, 2015 at 11:17 am

      HMMMM BNNNNEEERRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!! So now I go dey side eye any vivian wey get nicole as pikin…. lolll!

    • Bleed Blue

      March 10, 2015 at 11:27 am

      You went in oh! Kai! 🙂

    • Asgrl

      March 10, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      Lmaoooooo tea for the gods!!!!!!!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 10, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Beht… this world is a small, little airing cupboard oh. Na so person go just dey do wetin dey im mind when im dey young, not realizing that some many years later, social media will explode and something called BellaNaija will become a well populated meeting place where ya indiscrete actions of yesteryears will just be so quickly recalled by all and sundry who were observing you way back when.

      Hmmmmmmm. Abeg young people out there, receive my well meant advice with both ears – be very “kiafu” about what you do today that you don’t want to be ashamed of in 5-10 years time. And you don’t want your children to hear of, as well. Forget even Vivian own wey be topic of discussion here because some other of us get our own kwanu. Well meant advice.

      AnonymousButSabi, chei, you for no call her pikin name, na. That one na innocentia for this matter wey dey on ground, now…

    • amaa

      March 17, 2015 at 5:36 pm

      I agree chia!! I’m for live d pikin out of d matter nah minor nah abeg

  10. Gobsmacked

    March 10, 2015 at 10:13 am

    Ehn!! Bloody hell! Girls are deep oh! Please what became of the trifling bobo and the psychotic b*tch? I hope they lived hellishly ever after in torment and agony.

  11. Nahum

    March 10, 2015 at 10:17 am

    AHHHHHHH!!! I dey follow you open mouth. Isio, this sorry is not good enough o. This girl would have killed you if she had the opportunity. Abeg just tell her that Jesus loves her but you dont and free her forever. She wants something from you and if she gets the chance again, she will hurt you and much more. Abeg free the “binsh” o!!!!

  12. B

    March 10, 2015 at 10:19 am

    **wide eye stare** Father, Lord, God which kain human being be that, God forbid baaaadddd tin! Lovely Isio pele o! Isio may the Love of God continue to radiate in your life, Beauty for ashes baby!

  13. SuperNova

    March 10, 2015 at 10:19 am

    Thought provoking as always. I’m return to comment

  14. Changing Faces

    March 10, 2015 at 10:22 am

    Wow, just wow… some people are born wicked! How does someone make it her life’s mission to make another miserable? The time she took to create and cause all the pain should have been used to nurture a relationship of her own. The guy is a perfect example of the kind of men to avoid; who take pleasure in feeling like gods as 2 girls are fighting over them. It’s good to forgive and forget such people… the key word being FORGET! I hope they’re still together… their drama won’t be here

  15. Fifi

    March 10, 2015 at 10:23 am

    Abeg there are some pple best left in the past no matter how “sorry” they are, i just forgive n move on wit my life, no need to reconnect or rekindle or salvage any relationship….shame on u if u fool me once, shame on me if u fool my twice

  16. Naijasinglegirl

    March 10, 2015 at 10:24 am

    One month? Don’t leave please . . . Sorry will not be a suffice apology when you return.

    Visit me:
    naijasinglegirl.com

  17. CHY

    March 10, 2015 at 10:37 am

    isio at this instant, sorry isnt good enough but as you have said, forgive but keep moving. i believe this person has low self esteem and feel she can only feel good about herself only from having a spot from your spotlight and would probably do anything to gain your trust and friendship. i believe it comes a time when people should be cut totally off from your life and this person doesn’t need to be in it. severe the tie and never look back.

    not everyone needs to be in ones life. she did herself wrong and no need to be acknowledged.

    isio i would have liked to know if they eventually ended up together after all that.

  18. h

    March 10, 2015 at 10:38 am

    I was wrong. It will never happen again. I am ready to make amends. I will restitute whatever way you want.

    Was actually preparing to meet you personally and beg. The reason for the haphazard apology earlier not being added to. So sorry. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Please never go away.

    • Asgrl

      March 10, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      Vivian is that you blad?

    • Bleed Blue

      March 10, 2015 at 7:00 pm

      I know right? Please Vivian is it you true true?

      And if it is, biko which part “will never happen again”? Because Isio’s account took place over a long period of time oh. So is it all of the above that won’t happen again?

      Oya oh, say “THEY ALL will never happen again” plix.

    • southernbelle

      March 10, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      Lmaooooooo you just made my day

  19. chukwukadibia

    March 10, 2015 at 10:44 am

    Awww,that girl is wicked,you are even nice enough to still talk to her. would miss you oh,this your one month break!! Hian.

  20. cinderella

    March 10, 2015 at 10:53 am

    Isio baby,dont go 1month is too long…,nice write up as always.

  21. JNyX

    March 10, 2015 at 10:56 am

    its not even in the apology. its in the fact that with all of that drama, physical, emotional and spiritual u still remained in that relationship. I’m quite glad that eventually you found your way out of it.
    on my part, I am very quick to accept apologies but trust that I wont give anyone the opportunity to hurt me twice. Life is too short to forgive one person 70 times 70 or izit 70 times 7 times….?

  22. Person pikin

    March 10, 2015 at 11:00 am

    The heart of man is desperately wicked. Even the bible knows that (Pardon me non-Christians). Many people have a clear judgement of what is right and wrong but chose the latter anyways for their own selfish reasons. So a flimsy “i am sorry” does no justice to the problems and damages their actions and choices have caused. I am all for forgiveness, but also a team leave-matter-for-Matthias advocate.
    Keep it moving biko!
    Life a na ga aga!

  23. Asabe

    March 10, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Isi baby, I never ready to comment. but this your talk of break from creative writing, if na play, abeg stop am!! I serious o!!

  24. niola

    March 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

    Me i kennot , cannot and kent be friends with such a person anymore. I am a christian but forgiving does not come easy, so pray for grace to forgive, but not forgetting is allowed jor, that way you will be saying”hi’ from a distance. So like i say hi to my cousin who was sleeping with my now -ex whenever we see each other, but we can never call each other on the phone to gist or hang out shikena…i build chinese wallas around such relationships shikena and im sure God no go vex…

    • jenni

      March 12, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Cousin Ke? some girls are wicked oh

  25. Que

    March 10, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Isio the story itself filled me with plenty kain emotions and emoticons…. but this ya 1month hiatus na only stark pain e leave! #itiswell!….

    To the story- this piece makes african magic look very dull…. warahellll??!!! Ha when I added the prior 2yrs plus another 2yrs na im I know say you get great patience and high tolerance level….. I for don dust my slippers tey tey! Even if fire wan burn, make e burn them o, abi I resemble fire service??! [Ok ok my church mind is cautioning me not to seek their burning…..bet still…..] I worry though what will possess a young chic to employ all these antics to get a semi-man!!!…. #i just cant.

    Well sorry isnt always enough, afterall removing nails from wood, wont erase the holes left behind…… you learn to live in peace not in pieces, by forgiving, accepting the apology (if rendered) but keep your peace by keeping such people at arm’s length. The one I can relate t, more easily, is this bit..
    .. “…Another is when the people you treat with courtesy like receiving it, but don’t accord you the same respect, time and time again…..”
    For this exact reason I gave 3 friends extreme space last year….. I’m now at a point where I find their occasional calls to check up on me quite strange now….. my days of bending over backwards for unappreciative ‘friends’ are behind me…. I’d rather spend the effort on strangers. Life is beyond gossip….if you’re not about adding value, pls maintain your lane! God forgive us all, my own is to keep the peace and my sanity, and sometimes that means keeping away!

  26. jefka

    March 10, 2015 at 11:42 am

    isio my dear, i can totally relate with u.
    well my own is le bobo who wouldnt let me be.
    anytym he looks into his voodoo mirror n sees that m gon v a bright future wid sm oda guy, he comes bearing all d charm, pleading and d moment i gv hm a chance, he goes back to hs same old womanizing ways.
    once sef he told me he was sick n i sent hm money to go for treatment, turns out he was looking for hotel money for hs new bae.
    thing is i got tired of hearing sorry. sorry is so annoying,
    my mum used to say, if a man tells u sorry twice, run for ur life, dude aint up to no good.
    and if a lady tells u sorry thrice, go for deliverance, she has got u hooked.

  27. tolu

    March 10, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Ma own friend told me ma woman has evil spirit. I nearly left d poor lady. Now we r married. I jst fashy d guy. D most annoying part is wen he sent mssg to ask why im avoiding him en i told him why. He denied he never said dat i nearly fainted. Something he was telling me repeatedly. I met ma woman tru him en his galfrend den buh his dumped him. So i realised he wanted us to fight tôo. He said he has gift of god to know dos with evil spirit lol. He even called his ex evil lol

  28. ada nnewi

    March 10, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Wow! She’s evil!!! And the man is a Goat! Forgive them but forget them and make the rest of your story very beautiful!…My own story is deep, but might be too obvious if I tell it…I forgive them but I forget them sorry and all!…

  29. AsMyself

    March 10, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    …and some people just don’t get why I perpetually ignore certain people. It’s because I have a container-load of “I’m sorry” accumulated from them since I was born, but they keep doing/saying really stupid, daft, hurtful and downright evil things.

    There’s only so much a girl can take. Even from blood.

    Isio Wanogho, so you expect us to kontinu for a whole month without you? AAAAHHHH!

  30. Ochouba Chidinma

    March 10, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Men Can Lie!!………… choi!!……… **Better To Forgive and Forget or Never Forget hehehe Than To Revenge and Regret**

  31. Berry Dakara

    March 10, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL @ “Oghene Chineke God himself go talk say WAOWWWWW just start inspecting the clouds and whistling.”

    But wait first, Isio. How many instances of your catching his indiscretion with you friend, did it take for you to finally leave? I mean, after the pet name on the phone? No. After the faking pregnancy, not once, but twice? No. Then finding her underwear and bikini pictures, and “juju” stuff and harassing phone calls?!?!?!?

    Berry Dakara Blog

    • oj

      March 10, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      e reach to ask o! isio, u try o!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 10, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      … and even the “receiving phone calls of them having sex in the background” plus arriving to find them sweaty from having just done it all over her clothes.

      Isio, don’t worry, this isn’t castigation because we’ve all been there. Mumu love is a BASTARD with a captital “BA”. If no be God wey been forcefully deliver me from that life (which of you commenters mentioned the shame of a man cheating on you and then also breaking up with you after you confronted him? My hands are up in the air with your own), I would very possibly have hung on to the baga if he’d decided to proceed with marriage, come dey drive round Port Harcourt dey knock on all the room doors for Bourgeon-villa/Presidential/Aristo-House/Novotel/Le Meridien hotel to find out which one my husband is currently shacking up in with his innumerable mistresses. We shall just blame the intense foolishness and naiveté of first love.

      Dike, I hope The Lord has also now delivered you from that life of rampant ashewo-ism… I’m just saying.

    • Neo

      March 10, 2015 at 5:23 pm

      Hahahah MSA ooooooh! Say na BASTARD with a capital BA. As i see Bougainvillea and co i just burst laugh. PH sha. But some babes are content with hanging Mrs like handbag and doing that waka up and down. Even those ones i can not judge cos na who wear shoe know where e dey pinch am.

      I can now laugh at my “i can nevers” My brethren sometimes na who stand far see pass who stand inside, leave matter. When you reach where “i can never” go hold you for better work, love or otherwise na u go first laugh yourself.

    • Rhenna

      March 10, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      Pls which Dike is this? Does he live in Abuja? And sis EA? Inquiring minds want to know

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 10, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      @Neo, Hahahahahahahaha!!! Leave those “I can nevers” oh! Just leave them … in fact, na you go really laugh yourself pass person wey dey find ammunition to mock you with. I look back at me in Uni, firmly sat on my high-horse and then examine the events that led to tumbling scandalously from my pedestal before God dragged me on this journey to self… And sister, you are wise in wetin you talk because truly, na who dey far for road wey go see pass you wey dey inside the sumtin 🙂 (plus, I always muck up the spelling of that hotel – Bougainvillea!)

      @Rhenna, the man I used to know got transferred to another country for work. Unless he’s now moved back to Nigeria… but I never knew of a sister called EA (although, there were many “cousins/nieces”. Let me stop here 😀 )

    • i no send

      March 10, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      @ ms socially awkward i think i know who who talking about…lol…u try sha ..ndoh

  32. Neo

    March 10, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    Haaaaaaaaaay! Some tori dem nor dey take mouth talk. Obara Jisos! And me dey here think say i see smth for man hand. Even if she carry her entire village people and their ancestors come dobale talk sorry, e nor do. Whaaaaaaat? Sorry? After all that? I think the best analogy for the uselessness of “sorry” in some situations is saying sorry to a broken plate. Sorry dont fix some things abeg. It is “easy’ to forgive such people bcos u know the things that plague them is worse than what they try to do to hurt you but there is absolutely no need to have even a shred of a relationship with a transformed them. This is someone that set out to deliberately hurt you, even if you want to snatch, snatch and go but no you still want to dance iworoko on top my head.

    When i hear thank God say man no be God, it rings so true because these are the kind of people that i would be using skinny spiritual pankere to flog daily. Sorry? Sorry?? Did i fall down? Thunder faya that person! I’ve forgiven you for my peace of mind then you will come and tell me sorry? I’m annoyed sef.

    Mw, Isio you can go on ur sabbatical oh, its ok but just write the one month dose of IKB and send to BN in advance let them just be posting on Tuesdays. If not, make i nor catch u for road oh. I go hold you down till you give me 4 weeks worth of IKB.

  33. ThatAbiribaBae

    March 10, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Hmm, this is some deep stuff o. I reserve my comments for that chic sha.

    Most times, sorry is not enough but we try to forgive because like Isio said we have no choice!

    On another note, Isio abeg are you related to Shonda Rhimes? You two be hanging someone with some jaw dropping, watery and screaming for more “season finale.” I’ll sure miss your “Tuesday Tuesday tonic” but I’ll console myself in the hope that when you return, it’d be even better.

    Enjoy your off season hun! Much love

  34. like

    March 10, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    Sometimes, I feel SORRY is a Nigerian word for saying excuse me, I didn’t mean it, I shouldn’t have said that, I omitted it, I forgot, it is your fault… and the list goes on..

    Sorry doesn’t really mean what we want to hear. As a young child, I remember annoying my elder sister a couple of times and I will say sorry then do it again – so whenever I said sorry she says – stop saying sorry, just don’t do it again

    As a grown young lady, I have learnt it goes beyond saying sorry – we can follow the principle of repentance – acknowledge what YOU did wrong, decide never to do it again, then work towards not doing it again.. only then are you truly sorry.

    Thankfully, I haven’t been involved in man borrowing/snatching drama – I am very pro woman, as soon as I know or suspect there is a woman in your life, I naturally become distance and sometimes cold if the guy is trying too hard.

    Isio, enjoy your break, hope you will return energized – nothing but love and respect for you 

  35. eze chioma ayodeji

    March 10, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    hi Isio, your write ups are fun,witty and interesting. you won me over win with this peice… i like your style (no homo) . thumbs up!

  36. vivakrista

    March 10, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    isio am so gonna miss u, i love your rite up’s so much, i wonder y pple take breaks in relationship i see it as an avenue for tins to get worse, is either u learn to 4give or breakup finally, as for dis gal i hope she has been punished she is such a wicked fellow, isio u must have really been in love to go tru those shit nd continued the relationship. for all those boys out der decieving ur girlfriend’s the thunder dat wud fire you is still doin pressup

    • Kimmy

      March 10, 2015 at 8:06 pm

      Lol @ double press up. Choi make d one wey go fire my ex double times 100

  37. the generous economist

    March 10, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    I so agree with @JYnx…it’s how Isio managed to stay with the guy aft commuting the crime mre than once is beyond me…well thnk God….at least wen d tin reach juju matters…u get sense run…

  38. kwo kwo

    March 10, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    Isio, another deep piece.

  39. nene

    March 10, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    isio you have suffered aha. nasa for world people! choi

  40. nene

    March 10, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    isio you have suffered. nawa for world people! choi

  41. Kyzie

    March 10, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Chiaaaaaaaaaaiiii!!!!! Sis na so does Bobo dey do; dat there toto no dey stay one place na them they cause all this wahala… Sorry no dey for my dico, i match follow u o, my Bobo do the same i just delete the Bobo, life continue ojare…

  42. D

    March 10, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    WoooooWWWWW…God dey o!!! When is sorry not enough “when people you treat with respect, like receiving it but never accord you the same” There is a certain sombori in our (hubby and myself) lives that does just that, she believes because she is older she has “earned” our respect by the mere fact that she is family and older and therefore it is her place to bark at us like dogs, take actions that will affect our lives significantly without speaking to us or letting us know but we have no right to complain and set boundaries because she is older than we are and when we do, we are just in her own words “unruly and proud and now consider ourselves lil gods” This is not a one time occurrence either. I pray to forgive her though not for her own good but for mine. That bitterness can be something else but forget??? Nothing like that is even in the Bible so abeg…shame on me if you fool me once but shame on me if you fool me twice and this one don shame me, shame our entire clan combine.

  43. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    March 10, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    The capacity to forgive is not something we are born with or something we can claim to teach ourselves. Self-love and self-preservation are but feeble arms which cannot hold the trust or parody the humility of this great act. Where do we find the strength to love those who don’t love us and also hurt us? Where do they find the strength to also love and forgive us when we despise and hurt them?

    Only God teaches us forgiveness and how to forgive.
    No mortal can ever lay claim to be the author of that act.

  44. Rukamina

    March 10, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    “Kontinu without me” that part killed me abeg lmao

  45. nwanyi na aga aga

    March 10, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Isio hmm you really tried o..Hian! i cannot even begin to imagine but its all well.. For me I forgive and forget you for real..I cannot begin to imagine.Hmm that babe needs deliverance o..Ahn ahn na so men don finish? But Isio please I take God beg you NOR DISAPPEAR for one month oo.Cos from wed Bn is always dry..abegoo

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      March 10, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      Let me expatiate on the forgive and forget for real… I will make sure i delete every thing that will ever remind me that you existed in my life..and blank out every memory..Gush!!! Imagine running through the image of this drama in the write up everyday of my life trying to forgive the culprit..Hian!

  46. Shaded

    March 10, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Isio after your one month hiatus you need to tell us the story of why you stayed in that mess of a relationship for so long and how the grace of God finally removed you from that mess.

    There are people still struggling to stay in all kinds of no hope relationships. Tell them how you rescued your life so they can know there is hope.

    • Que

      March 10, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Cosign!

    • isios assistant

      March 10, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      Double cosign.

    • redbloom

      March 15, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      cosign infinity times oh.

  47. C'est moi

    March 10, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Sorry to say, as awful as these events are, all 3 of you come out looking bad. It truly amazes me what some women let men get away with. This guy didn’t deserve an ounce of your respect, whatever lil self-respect you & the frenemy had was lost along the way & he treated you both with total disregard. Indeed there are some stories that would make the gods whistle.

    • AsMyself

      March 10, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Ola S my black fediben beauty, is this thee? Ya uyo/owerri friend wan know. Lol

  48. Alem

    March 10, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Hmmm… This one month leave, how are we going to survive??? Always look forward to your write ups. On your article, like most have said you really persevered in that relationship sha. I have been in that kind of situation when an ex wanted to pit me and another chick to fight for him. I unfortunately have no time for drama and dont believe you should fight for a guy/babe (afterall its not m & b or african magic). I had to move on, in as much as it pained me I survived ,and I am now happily married. If a man/woman cannot make up his/her mind on whom they want, trust me you will spend your entire life fighting a battle and being embroiled in drama.

  49. Es

    March 10, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    Like so now my “friend” that I would confide in about my now ex, and how things weren’t going so well, and how I wanted to make things work with him… Found out she was sleeping with him. Found out she also was sleeping with the ex before that and is now married to the latter ex. She never even deemed it fit to say sorry to me. Isio, imagine being with such a man??? You are MUCH better of, she actually saved you the hassle! God brings some people in our lives to teach us what not to be, how to be and to know that you cannot let others disturb your inner peace.

  50. C'est moi

    March 10, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    On the matter of her apology, if it helps you sleep better then yeah, she was only able to hurt you within the remit you gave. But never forget the lessons learnt & put both in the never to be trusted again box.

  51. babygiwa

    March 10, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    All I can think of is why you stayed sef… You try o. Had a few frenemies back in uni but now I have forgiven them but I can’t forget o lest they stylishly come back into my life. I no dey do that kind friendship or relationship. So help me God.
    I’m going to miss you my dear Isi, enjoy your break

  52. Calabar Gal

    March 10, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Isio – this was a good one- I enjoyed reading this article.

  53. amy

    March 10, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Wow….ave read so many peoples comments here abt having issues wit their bobo….. Ave never experienced such and wouldn’t want to….. Truth is dat some gals are not worth keeping as friends…cos dey will kill you before u realize it…

  54. Temitayo

    March 10, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Okay she apologized…okay apology accepted…. but can a person forget even after forgiving?
    Does the human brain has the capacity to actually forget and let go of issues like this?
    I doubt it!!!

  55. Stella Otuore

    March 10, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    Isio Wanogho rocks. So happy you are a Deltan like me. I love you always kisses. Thank God for your life am glad you have healed and able to forgive and move forward. Some friends are terrible I pray God give discerning spirit to know them.

  56. funmilayoo

    March 10, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die”_ Joyce Meyer
    When it comes to ‘sorry”, I don’t wait for people to say “sorry” before I forgive. In fact I forgive in advance, whether you talk sorry or not. BUT, forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation baby. As I have forgiven you it is because Christ teaches that I should forgive my neighbor before I pray or even offer sacrifice to God. The word “sorry” doesn’t earn you forgiveness from me..It is the fact that I know I offend God too and he forgives me, that is why i forgive. But that doesnt mean that me and you can go back to being “best of friends”. Even wisdom is profitable to direct.
    Isio, you try ooo! As in you still siddon for that relationship…were you waiting for the coming of christ? Me, I would have shared the grace with him te te and waka go.
    Now, you want to leave us for 4 solid weeks when we didn’t do anything to you compared to that your boo of life. Anyway, we will be here waiting for you and refreshing BN every Tuesday until you return. Love you plenty and wishing you all the best with what is causing you to take a break.

  57. Dunmola

    March 10, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    “Anyone who has ever had to listen to someone they love explain that their indiscretion had yielded fruit; a living being, can relate to how heart-breakingly painful it actually is..”

    Hmmmmm, can totally relate. You never really get over that. it’s beyond words. But you really tried-staying long after that to witness all you did. But after all said and done, you have made the right decision- to forgive- you need to do it for you.

  58. NaijaPikin

    March 10, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Forgive and forget. Forget the person that is.

    Na the same bible talk say if you right hand causes you to sin, cut it off. Seeing, speaking, relating with deceitful people sure enough causes me to sin so i gots to cut em all off. No place for evil in my life. I’m too paranoid.

    Isio i thank God for the grace he gave you to walk away from such a destructive relationship.

    May God continue to protect us from awon ayes

  59. Sisi

    March 10, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    Nna ehn afukwana, this gave me goose bumps oh, the voodoo aspect and all that shit, Isio nwannem isiri ike oh cos me I for don delete myself from that equation tey tey biko. I can’t come and go and die.
    By the way I’ll miss your write up every Tuesday biko try just you know make mistake send one story give BN if you fit during your hiatus

  60. darlingsuperhero

    March 10, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    This kinda thing happened to me but not as bad sha, I would have mentioned her name here but it doesn’t matter anymore (Its bn 6 years fa) she feigned all sorts including a heart problem to get sympathy from bobo n I. she even claimed she will die if bobo stops bn her friend. In the end, bobo found out it was fake gist and outrightly told her no. I can never forget, cos sorry is not enough.

    I saw her a lookalike a few days ago and memories flashed in my head. I am getting married to that same guy in a few weeks time, time heals all wounds.

  61. PACE

    March 10, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    God bless u Isio, you make reading so much fun. Back to the matter, truth is some people you call ‘friends’ are better off being in the enemy zone. A friend should have your back at all times, not be envious of you or jealous. When you start to spot this traits in your friend, be it male or female, it’s best you keep your distance before something terrible happens.

  62. Angel

    March 10, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    I sometimes find it really difficult to believe some of the things women say they go through in relationships, this write up leaves me speechless. Anyway Isio hope that your frenemy has gone for deliverance, cos if everything u narrated here happened (still struggling to believe it), Walah she’s possessed, no be clear eye. And what made u stay so long in such toxic relationship? Nevermind i don’t think I will ever understand…enjoy ur break dear.

  63. Tatler

    March 11, 2015 at 1:55 am

    I have a very low tolerance for nonsense & those that put up with it. Some behave like they’re acting out a tragic, tortured love play & it’s the drama people go through for love (say what?), others deucedly ‘fall’ in love & badly knack their head during the fall. Or both. I had to tell one friend I’d heard enough, not because I was sickened by how the man mistreated her but because the more she recanted her ordeal, which was quite similar to Isio’s, all esteem I’d had for her was just evaporating. I feel the same way about this piece. Glad you know better.

  64. rhonyi

    March 11, 2015 at 2:57 am

    I stalk you on instagram Isio, when am depressed i think about you and wonder how you became so ‘unique’. I want to be able to discover what I can best do. At 23, I don’t even know my abilities(am done with school and finished nysc last year). I want to be like you someday soon. I want to do something I enjoy like you do. How did you discover the path to self fulfillment? To imagine you’ve gone through such an experience. I accept ‘sorry’ the very first time someone hurts me.

    • Miss K

      March 13, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      Hello rhonyi. I may be able to help you with regards to discovering yourself. Send me a mail on this address [email protected] and we’ll take it from there.

    • rhonyi

      March 14, 2015 at 7:48 pm

      Miss K, I sent you a mail last night. Please check your inbox (hope you haven’t given up on helping me)

  65. la

    March 11, 2015 at 4:26 am

    lmaoooooo all of you are funny! the ones exposing names too hahahha.

  66. cos I say so

    March 11, 2015 at 6:39 am

    The love I have for Isio is irrationall,i swear! No homo tho,ayam a married somebody
    Babes sebi he used to come and beg u… me I was in love with a monster who used to hit me and brag about it!after all the suffer I found out that he was even sleeping with my room mate all that time and I used to confide in the same madam about the beatings,she go dey tell me to hold on and fight for the love cos he loves me
    As a super story something,this same guy was looking for funds to start a business and someone directed him to my dad’s company for assistance,i knew about the visit and we had had a meeting about it but didn’t know the young man,just the company name! My dad is all for supporting young people and was ready to help him out,only for me to enter for the meeting and I saw this same bobo there! Nna,decorum and culture flew out of the window and I let out this long igbotic hiss(serpent services for employ me based on that hiss)… I told my dad and his humanitarianism sef jump comot for window
    The messages I received from him after that… he begs so nicely!
    Ok err,scratch the super story something… it didn’t happen! Just one of the things I imagine could happen and plenty more! There’s one that end with him being left for dead in a gutter,another one where he comes to beg me on my wedding day for forgiveness… hehehe,too much telemundo
    Kill me later… hehehehe
    Btw pls who knows where I can get Isio’s weave… it’s all kind of delicious!!!

    • Emma

      March 11, 2015 at 2:36 pm

      Check her IG account. i think its Hikkyshair.

    • cos i say so

      March 12, 2015 at 9:26 am

      thank you

  67. isis

    March 11, 2015 at 7:14 am

    Isio, i am almost speechless. no woman deserves to be treated this way. you are patient sha o, me from day 1, i don vamoose. but then wait, 1 whole month, thats not nice o.

  68. Jesbadoma

    March 11, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Isio, she was more of a fiend than a friend. Biko, forgive but don’t forget.

  69. Queen Spicey

    March 11, 2015 at 11:17 am

    After all these years, I will say forgive and forget her but give her name to karma who never forgets cause she has the devil as her PA. Then relax and let karma do her “thingy”.

  70. iba

    March 11, 2015 at 11:26 am

    I kid you not, had this same discussion with a friend a while back. The childhood friend dint do half of what Isio’s friend did. But then I saw jealously in raw display. Soooooo I wonder why it took me so long to see through her. I’ve long cut her off and she keeps trying to reach me. Asking for number and all. LOL
    I just smile (this is someone who cut me off her Facebook list twice) I’ve told myself never again. I’ve forgiven her but I’ve made a solemn and conscious decision never to be friends again. Thanks Isio for this. Now I know I ain’t cray cray thinking this way. Enjoy your time off; we all need it.

  71. Open Sesame

    March 11, 2015 at 11:49 am

    Wow! This story is the stuff Nollywood is made of 🙂

    On a serious note though, forgiveness is so important as unforgiveness is at the root of many mental and physical ills people face today. I know someone who was hurt badly and she held the grudge for a while. She developed fibroids and had heavy and prolonged bleeding which only ceasedwhen she deliberately decide to forgive.

    Forgiveness doesn’t always mean a restoration of the relationship…sometimes it’s wise to cut them off but we must always move on from the hurt and look forward into the future.

  72. TA

    March 11, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    As someone said last week BN gist is always served like tea- pipping hot and I would add with hot cross buns topped with syrup. Just look what I missed. Oh no

  73. amour

    March 11, 2015 at 1:42 pm

    Going to miss you isio.some friends are better off as frenemies. laughing with you while killing you behind, as for me i have learnt to stay away from toxic friends.once beaten,twice shy.

  74. patsychy

    March 11, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Isio de la vega……..dnt try this your one month leave
    bcos I dnt know wat to be reading till u are back.
    as for de bitch,forgive her for ur peace sake.,but keep ur distance as long and far as u can bcos if she gets u dis time na OBITUARY O! we all have dat one person dat however they ask for our forgiveness,we can forgive dem but not totally….

  75. tunmi

    March 12, 2015 at 2:58 am

    That is some Thin Line Between Love and Hate, Murder She Wrote psychological thriller. Seriously, I recommend therapy for ALL involved. Chale, which kin life is this? I feel pity for him and her. What a sad sense of self to do all that, both man and woman. Isio, I wish you peace

  76. MAT

    March 12, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    Babe, am totally in love with you, honestly, and I know you feel the same way, hence the only reason you’ve repeatedly beckon my name in your letter…
    Was once in a relationship that tormented me with all sorts: insults, emotional hurt, cruelty, name it. By the time she would call it quit, her last words was and i quote “sha sorry, its in your best interest to forgive, otherwise its between you and God.” Imagine that??!!!
    Anyways, we (me and u) forgive them all, oya dm me lets move forward jare…
    Seriously.

  77. Rose

    March 13, 2015 at 11:43 am

    Hmmmmmmm, i tot i was alone in this type of situation. My so called bestfriend dragged me through the mud where my bobo dey, it even got to the extent dat i had to resign from my job to avoid wahala cos we work in the same company. She even advised my bobo to break up with me but i thnk God for giving me a man that loves me soo much. So i have jeje decided to keep my blessed distance even after she said she is sorry…. Make i sleep wake up

  78. Cee

    March 13, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    I absolutely love Isio.

    “Like play like play, na so the clap take enter dance”. buhahahahaa.

    Feel like we would be bestfriend if we ever met.

  79. maye

    March 18, 2015 at 1:04 am

    There are mistakes of the head…by accident and there are mistakes of heart…with deliberate intent to hurt…like this one, am sorry alone is just not enough.

  80. Aderonke #BringBackOurGirls#

    March 25, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    Isio…Isio…Isio!!!!! How many times did i call u? hahahha u are an amazing sumbori and a great writer. Well done.
    However, this ya story is a sad one, no woman should go through it, is not worth it. Love is reciprocal and should not be begged for.
    I knew the other lady will not marry him either, cos what u sow u definitely reap thou it may be in a different zone but nemesis will definitely call back.
    Please just forgive her & him and move on jare. Definitely u cant forget but u can try forgive not easy though but the guy too definitely wasn’t worth it sef so just move on dear.
    Will miss u while u are on break but am sure u will definitely come back with more amazing stories. xoxo!

  81. Diddie

    April 1, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    Dear Isio
    Been waiting for your next write-up…Been checking for updates ever since I became a fan of your articles

  82. debmara

    April 4, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    Isio,you tried oooo.Some girl’s can do things for africa though.SMH.Mz socially awkward,you are funny sha.

  83. jennie obi

    April 12, 2015 at 11:03 am

    A Chinese proverb said “There are 3 kinda friends, friends for a reason,a season and a lifetime ” I tryna define any friend I have, I know the ones who are allowed to meet le boo(when that time comes),those I am with for a reason and the seasonal ones I will dump soon, I watch people closely from a distance because have heard a lot, have seen people get into mess that they never get off from psychologically and I don’t wanna get into such, I told my ex when he started misbehaving that, am not dull not to notice his recent humanizing habits but he should continue but when the time for evaluation came,i innocently told him it’s over and he thought it was a joke,he still hasn’t got over it till date. Isio you try sha, guy wey still dey “Audition ” putting you through so much pains, you strong walai, I trowey cap for you, I guess that shaped you into becoming the lady you are today…meanwhile I will miss you like kilode

  84. stella

    April 12, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    na soo I see my own oh.i broke up wif my ex becus I listened to ds frnd now d’s same frnd is forming close nd tyt wif my ex omo.i jst dey watch dem….I no evn send d guy she fit carry buh i no say she no b my frnd

  85. pseudosabe

    April 14, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Your month’s break is over.. pls come back Isio………..

  86. Neroline

    April 14, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Isio wic kin game b dis na? Abeg one month don pass o and today don nearly end.
    Oya please abeg ejo biko do cone back u yea

  87. abla kay

    April 18, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    Isio you said you’d be away for a month. It has far exceeded such stated time, this is unprofessional

  88. lovin moi

    May 7, 2015 at 8:05 am

    BN!!! Bring back isio,we need her back,we’ll soon start our own drama oo,BRING BACK ISIO!!!. I envisaged her going back to her she’ll earlier cos of all these cyber bullies but the Isio I know is STRONG,she’ll be back.

  89. chee

    May 8, 2015 at 8:06 am

    *shell*, meanwhile Isio,i guess it’s high time you compiled all your write ups and publish as a book just like Morning dew by Betty irabor or don’t sweat the small stuff for women and invite your fans for d launch! Miss u like hell,#bring back Isio#

  90. Kibati

    May 12, 2015 at 9:46 am

    Awww!! Isio u didn’t end it well joorh…

  91. UCEE

    August 1, 2015 at 11:14 am

    I can totally relate to this. My first boyfriend and my best friend way back in secondary school were just playing with me. My bf will call me to check on my friend cos he couldnt get to her, hug and kiss her in front of me. Mtcheeew. My friend evn wanted to give me a tutorial on how to kiss my own bf. Shaaaa, its all in the past now. Sorry indeed…….

  92. tianna

    August 24, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    Na wah oo, some girls and lack of confidence sha. heard about a guy dat just got married, after few months, d wyf fell sick and became blind. wen d in-laws did spiritual investigation.they were told dat d wyf is reaping wat she sowed dat she snatched d husband frm her best friend. d man kukuma don waka, go marry anoda woman. he has three kids now. SMH for those low esteemed girls.

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