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Glory Edozien: Taming the Tiger of Insecurity

Glory Edozien

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TCD_9030After 4 years of what we all agreed to call a man drought, my besto, turned sister, Temi was in a healthy loving relationship for longer than 6 months. We had all questioned the lack of a man in Temi’s life for a long time. She was pretty, smart, friendly and had lost almost 20kg following a strict Cambridge diet. Temi had one of those bodies most African women would trade money for. Enough of a backside to keep men (and women) watch her leave and sufficiently sized twins to keep their eyes fixed below chin level. Then, as though God wanted to add extra points to perfection, He gave her a stomach flat enough to iron on. We all agreed it was okay to envy Temi openly, there was no need to hide it. But as she always pointed out anytime we began oohing and ahhing about her body, there was no man!

In January of 2015, Temi and her boo clocked 6 months. We nearly threw them a party. You would have thought the dude had proposed from the sheer excitement from Temi’s close friends and family. But by February, the excitement had begun to wane. Many times we think the biggest issue which causes the demise of relationships is infidelity. He cheated and therefore he is a bastard. But in most cases infidelity is just the outward appearance of a broken relationship and there are many things that happen pre infidelity that are just as bad or even worse.

Temi won’t mind me saying this, but as much as she has worked on her body, practically lives in the gym and feeds on rabbit food, she is a chubby girl living in a skinny girl’s body. In university, Temi suffered from acute acne and it was only in the last two years that she found the perfect skin care regiment to keep her face pimple free (most of the time). Now for someone like me who lives the life of a fat chick and suffers from various skin issues, Temi’s problems are, putting it crudely, baseless. But I have learnt that self esteem issues are relative and everyone is entitled to their emotions even when they don’t compare to the magnitude of yours.

Temi’s boo met her at a time where although her insecurities were somewhat invisible; they were still layered through her personality. Unknown to most of her close friends she constantly checked homeboy for, as he put it, looking at other girls who were slim and ‘yellow’. She would go into bouts of hysterical tears if they went out and he didn’t tell her she looked nice or if they bumped into any of his female friends and he happened to tell them they looked good. She would accuse him of cheating with pimple-free girls and constantly asked him if he still found her attractive or if he would love her if she gained weight. The list goes on. But I think the final straw was when she openly accused him of cheating on her with his boss, who although married with 3 kids, had managed to maintain her pre baby figure.

Initially we had no way of verifying the accuracy of Temi’s accusations but we could trace a clear line to their source. Temi didn’t feel she was enough. The Temi we saw and loved was very different from the Temi she saw and she was incapable of taming the excesses of her insecurity. When I spoke to her, she seemed confused. ‘I just wanted to know Glory, I just wanted to be sure he wouldn’t leave me if I gained weight or my pimples came back…..is that wrong’. The truth was I didn’t know.

A few days ago, the cat came out of the bag and Temi’s worst fears were alive. Her man had been cheating but not with whom she expected: she wasn’t slim, yellow or pimple free. Infact as our mutual friend Nnenna put it, she was ‘anything but that’. When I finally spoke with Temi’s dude, he seemed adamant that he loved Temi, but implied that her insecurities were partly to blame for his philandering. I held my tongue, why make a bad situation worse by insulting the guy?

But the more I thought about it, the more unsure I felt. Is it possible to drive a man to cheat on you? Did Temi’s insecurities push her man into the hands of another woman, albeit a different type to the one she had imagined? Should women share their insecurities with their partners or should we pretend to be Oliva Pope gladiator types, secure and confident to the world but racked with personal struggles on the inside? I have always been an advocate for wearing your scars openly but Temi’s situation does call into question the overall merits of my position. Or was the honey moon over and Temi’s dude was bound to cheat regardless?

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

39 Comments

  1. Mr Man

    April 2, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Interesting article! I am a single man who has been through similar situations. What women fail to realize is that – being a man is hard – a lot of pressure being an African Man at that. It comes with a lot of responsibilities and expectations. While most do not shy away from this, I do not want to be saddled with the added responsibility of your happiness! It’s a journey that we will be willing to take with you; through the ups and downs – not a state that we exist in! I am not surprised – beauty means nothing without peace of mind!!!!

    • Person pikin

      April 2, 2015 at 3:03 pm

      Who go cheat go cheat! Make a man happy, give him peace of mind, tick all the boxes on his list of what he desires in woman, if that man wants to cheat he will cheat. What ever insecurity your partner is dealing with is no excuse for cheating.

    • geez

      April 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      well said..

  2. Abby

    April 2, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    LOOL,Temi needs a sea full of self esteem,even that one…she would still have a problem.
    Insecurity is the worst form of sickness…
    It makes you settle for less and any trash thinking that what you deserve..
    My bestie who is size 20 makes all of us her friends ranging from size 6-14 feel like we are rather size 20!That girl got too much confidence!lots of it oo.insecurity?she doesnt even think that word exists..
    Temi is borderline suicidal.She is neurotic

  3. Niola

    April 2, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Glory, these questions too many ooo..
    so Is it possible to drive a man to cheat on you?
    YES
    Did Temi’s insecurities push her man into the hands of another woman, albeit a different type to the one she had imagined?
    NO, THE MAN NA INTRINSIC CHEAT

    Should women share their insecurities with their partners or should we pretend to be Oliva Pope gladiator types, secure and confident to the world but racked with personal struggles on the inside?
    DON’T PRETEND, DON’T SHARE, JUST BE SELF CONFIDENT!

    Glory on another note i never see you for church in a while, you don port??

  4. Respect

    April 2, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    Temi’s guy was bound to cheat regardless!

  5. Nahum

    April 2, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Hmmm, Glory I don’t know how to even answer your question. First of all, please advice your friend Temi to stop dating until she has worked on her self esteem. I hate to think that women should take responsibility for a man cheating on them. If Temi’s low self esteem irritated him so much, guess what? They are not married, why not end the relationship??? Why damage her self esteem even more by cheating on her? That is a very wicked and evil thing to do! Quite frankly, NO I do not believe that you can push a man to cheat on you. Men are always looking for who to dump the blame on and this is one example of dumping the blame on poor Temi. But you her friends need to help her through this by ensuring she is out of the dating pool for a while and helping her with her self esteem.

    • me

      April 4, 2015 at 11:32 am

      How does one grow back a lost self esteem,I believe I lost mine in my past relationship,i don’t no what steps to take in getting it back??

  6. babygiwa

    April 2, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    This is a well written article, well done Glory. Now to the matter at hand, i honestly don’t believe she pushed him to cheat. There’s nothing like pushing people to cheat, if they want to cheat, they are going to do just that in one way or the other. Mr boo could have asked for a short break or anything other than cheating. And Temi should work on herself, self esteem issues and insecurities are people eaters. They can drive you down to a place where you don’t see anything good in yourself. As a young lady, i have always loved and accepted myself just as i am. I don’t give people or even myself the permission to beat ME down. Like no you can’t, i was created by God Almighty and i am fiercely proud of what he has done with me and for me. Finally, i am also with you concerning wearing your scars on your sleeves, after all you are dating because you think you can end up with that person and if you are going to be sharing your life and body with someone that person should know ALL of you or at least a lot of the things that concerns you. Talk to your friend, ask her to see a psychologist for counselling and most importantly pray for her, it sounds like a cliche but it works. Remind her that whether fat or slim, fair or dark skinned, awkward or impeccably calm, there is a God out there that has promised her that his thoughts towards her are good thoughts and not of evil so she better start thinking good things about herself. Good luck to her.
    Sorry for the epistle, i don’t know much about this relationship thingy and i hope this helps.

  7. Bukola

    April 2, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    I feel like I am another Temi.. This essay feels like the author is writing about me. But my insecurity iissues starts when he decides not to call or calls once a day (at night). I just don’t want to do calling alone. One question for the men in d house. Is it possible not call “the love of your life” all day except very late in d night or once in a day? Note: our issues is only the call thing apart from that he is a cool boo. Someone pls help…

    • Olu

      April 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      You are insecure because he calls you only once in a day??? Na wahhh oooo

    • Me

      April 2, 2015 at 4:53 pm

      It really depends. Are you guys chatting on bbm/whatsapp/viber/text during the day and the call only comes at night? If you are in some form of communication during the day, then I think one call a day is very fine. But there is NO word from him until night time, then there may be a problem.
      However, I must add, calling isn’t exclusive to the guys. You’re in a relationship. If you want to talk to your boyfriend, call him up, no need to wait until he calls you. If you’re the one always calling in the past and you are now tired of it, then let him know this as soon as you can. If you have indeed told him and there have been no improvements, then you must again emphasize how important this is to you.
      Hope this helps

    • Ally

      April 2, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      Baby girl I see absolutely no need why you should feel insecure if your man calls you once a day or only at night. The key things to note in relationships are trust and understanding! He just might be very busy all day and probably has time only at night which is when he calls. That doesn’t mean that he loves you any less. It also doesn’t mean that he is philandering with other women.

      You can also call him regularly when you feel like talking to him; no need to wait for him to call you. Also have you tried to discuss your concerns with him? Since you have said he’s cool otherwise, I don’t think you need to worry your head okay?

    • Ewa

      April 2, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      What????? You are not even happy he’s calling once a day? Na wa o..

    • sultana

      April 2, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      sisi b, Your case is simpler for me than Temi cos i’ve been there. in the few months i met my husband and we started dating we talked only at night when he called, chatted on bbm during the day. What i did was start calling in the mornings/afternoon not daily but once in a while and i would make comments like ‘i wanted to know how your voice sounds in the daytime’. he got the message and by the time we started preparing for our wedding till now, he calls at anytime of the day. it might not work for you oh but just sharing what worked for me. I saw the seriousness in him and reciprocated small. he would call for one hour at night, i would call for five minutes mornings (since we were both at work gan, no wasting time which worked for moi 🙂 )

    • Ib

      April 3, 2015 at 6:45 pm

      No! You are not insecure! If he loves you, he should call more than once and text you incessantly… well not really but you get the gist. You are important! Why do people make relationships so hard sef? Why do they make people second guess themselves? If you love someone why do you make it hard for them to know that you do? Why do you have to hide your emotions? #blowsoffsteam
      As always, Queen Glory has done it again. All hail the queen! Those that would cheat would cheat. Life is not that complicated. It is actually very simple. Glory please you should have lashed him some with your tongue. I believe you dish it out as well as you write. Temi boo let this guy wakapass. We all have insecurities here and there but you have to rise above it. It does not define you.

    • 2015

      April 7, 2015 at 11:08 am

      Bukola, i think my situation is worst, guy doesnt call at all , if i send chat or sms takes forever to be delivered , if its delivered takes forever to be read.Went off BBM and whatsapp to see if there ll be improvement with the calls …i kept calling and i got tired .Spoke to him about it even quoted a saying that …where your treasure lies there lies your heart…Guy changed for a week and viola we are back to the same old story, installed BBM and Whatsapp back to phone now and am enjoying life .If he calls good , if he doesnt bother to check great …we see when we see , talk when we talk …Moved on a long time ago and he is begging saying he is afraid of losing me …HE LOST ME ALREADY as YOLO biko.

  8. AG

    April 2, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Insecurity is masked in different ways. A cheating partner is displaying a kind of insecurity.She attracted who she was at her core.

  9. JNyX

    April 2, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    First of all i don’t think anyone is born a cheat. That just doesn’t make any kind of sense. People cheat for a plethora of reasons, some selfish, others…. oh well….

    And yes. It is possible to drive someone to cheat by the things that we do, say or do not do or say. Not that it justifies the other persons actions. My point is relationships are hard enough. And when u overwhelm a well meaning guy with all of your insecurities (not forgetting that he might have some of his as well. But oh no! somehow all we seem to think about is ME, ME, ME) he might be made to seek comfort and peace of mind with someone else. That doesn’t make him a bad person, that just makes him human.While some persons are well able to carry their partners baggage effortlessly, some others might not. Different strokes for different folks.

    Finally no body should feel like they are responsible for your happiness because trust me that’s some pressure a lot of people cannot handle, me inclusive. I had a boy friend once who needed steady doses of me reassuring him of my love for him and blah, blah blah. I couldn’t do anything or be almost anywhere without him. It was all oh so exhausting. He repeatedly said he was only happy when he was with or around me and just wanted me to be the same way as it concerns him. Like Temi, compliments were a must and After a while I just couldn’t deal.

    Bottom line is, take responsibility for your own life and happiness. That way regardless of whom you’re with you can learn to always be happy. You have got self esteem issues, take time off relationships and fix that. The value of relationships is dependent on what the partners are bringing into it. Question is what are u bringing into yours? A broken mess or a relatively whole and well adjusted individual?

  10. Itha

    April 2, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    This idea of ‘ooh she/he made me cheat’ is one of the silliest things ever said. NO ONE MAKES YOU CHEAT. YOU CHEAT BECAUSE YOU CHEAT. true someone could have tempted you or frustrated you to the point you considered cheating but ultimately IT WAS YOUR CHOICE, YOUR DECISION TO MAKE. we love to shift blame in this part of the world and that is why no one is taking responsibility for their actions. Yes she was insecure but didn’t his actions prove her fears right at the end??? why not prove her wrong so she knows shes actually the one with the issues?
    Yes she was insecure, however her insecurity didn’t pull your pants down to cheat. I think Temi should leave men and work on herself first before dating. It will also help her to not settle for less than shes worth.
    However, in my opinion a man that loves you, though frustrated with your insecurity will do all possible to help you work through it whether it be suspend d relationship and just be a good friend that can help you or re-assure you and provide support or resources to help you through the process of building yourself. I am not just talking. This was my experience…I was a reckless case of poor self image but my closest friend (guy) was there for me through it all and I came out better than i ever thought. We couldnt be in a relationship then because I had trust issues that we had to work on as well and I will forever be grateful to him whether we end up together or not.
    We may be calling Temi insecure but it’s possible her accusations were based on valid suspicions… these things feed of each other and her insecurities may be as a result of some guy that damaged her heart in the past and she didnt heal totally.

  11. Gabriel

    April 2, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Temi’s dude was bound to cheat if she had continued that way, because it’s one thing to wear your insecurities on your sleeve and another thing to “flaunt” it. It’s not pleasant being with a woman you think the world of that doesn’t see herself the same way. Yes, I know we are supposed to let her see the perfect angel in her but when she keeps nagging about her insecurities, it tests our sanity; making us question what we saw in her in the first place. Talk to your “spouse” about your insecurities, make valid efforts to get rid of them (team-effort); then be happy.
    By the way, this readily applies to both sexes.

  12. Animal Doctor

    April 2, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    JNyX, your head dey there. I just pack all my likes for today give you. A lot of naija guys (in relationships/marriages with naija babes) are walking around feeling the way you felt with that your bobo – overwhelmed and exhausted. It is extremely difficult having to answer questions and reassure someone EVERYDAY!

    I don’t think people know how serious this particular issue is. There are many many beautiful ‘good’ naija girls who are roasting (i.e can find willing sexual partners but just can’t seem to find that guy that they like who is willing to buy the market, and that’s not what they want so they are roasting) today because of this.

    One tip I can give is this – those questions you ask (in your head and to your prospective partner) have no answer. The answer to them is no one on earth knows, so let it go and just keep doing you.
    Bukola asked above ” Is it possible not call “the love of your life” all day except very late in d night or once in a day?” No one knows the answer to that question, not even the ‘love of your life’ who’s calling. Whenever he starts calling you all day everyday, he won’t even know why. Things would have started working for the better, both of you will be happy and that’s all that matters. You can talk to him about it and tease him about it when you do talk, but don’t make a big deal about it. And don’t be afraid to call him whenever you feel like even when he hasn’t called you. If he is ‘the love of your life’ you wouldn’t have any issues doing that, and you definitely won’t be counting who is calling who how many times.

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      April 2, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      @Animal Doctor… you raised some valid points.
      Esp in relation to the lady about her man not calling.
      Honest to God, I never understood the whole not calling/calling kini.
      I just think things should flow. If you enjoy someone’s company you will call them often.
      I was once with someone and we spoke 10times a day (ridiculous). He did most of the calling but I call him too. I wouldn’t want to do that nonsense again. We were that addicted to each other lol.
      Goodluck. X
      Ooo about the article, erm I don’t know what to say because I am not sure what intentions/motives both of them had when they got together. So yh.

  13. jefka

    April 2, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    Glory nne, they gave birth to me at home, my navel is big, my siblings think iyam sort of ugly, my eyes are too bulgy and i am not light skinned, did i forget to add that i have knocking knees now and when i was younger had bow legs………….my dear, i have had to deal with all sorts, from never used as the queen or princess during bazaar to not being toasted till 2008 and so much more but i keep my cool and le boo knows that i will dump him in two seconds if he even tries to make mi feel like i aint pretty or deserving of him.
    i have learnt that a leopard doesn’t change its spot, but will learn how to hide and be invisible when it is being hunted……..
    A man or woman will either choose to do the right thing willingly or forcefully (prolly when the have been embarrassed by their neighbors or have HIV) i.e people cheat because they can.
    everyone of us deals with insecurities but knowing who you are, accepting it and not making it anyone’s burden will help you get through it.
    .Happy Easter !!!!!!!!!

    • nene

      April 2, 2015 at 11:59 pm

      gbam.

  14. Diddy

    April 2, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    A man will love his wife so much and still cheat,the case of temi is not complicated cos she already know her insecurity but even at that we all have our weaknesses so that douchebag was not man enough to tell her that he doesnt like her of he is not into her,u dont really need to work on your insecurity cos who ever is going to love will love u unconditionally,just like they say love knows no bounds.As for olivia pope she does not know what she wants

    • molarah

      April 2, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      If someone loves their wife, they won’t cheat on them! I don’t even know how some men can manage to say this out with a straight face. If you think its possible to love and cheat, then there’s something fundamentally wrong with your understanding of love. Cheating always hurts the other person – love does not hurt. It’s that simple.

  15. Rukayat Owolabi

    April 2, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Learn to love your self before you expect others to love you, some times its hard to do . Im a uk 14/16 but i still have an al right figure, like Temi i suffer from break out. I get about 5-7 smooth face days in a month. I’m 5’1 yet I never let that get to me. I sometimes wish i’m taller, slimmer, prettier or have flawless skin. But I dont let that get to me.
    I look in the mirror at times and i think WDH!!! EWWWWW!!!
    And other times i’m like hell yh .
    No one is perfect even the prettiest , slimmest babes have esteem issues.

  16. D

    April 2, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    We ALL have insecurities. now the way we all deal with it is another cup of mocha. My motto is this no matter what your insecurities are DO NOT take it out on another human being. People can help you along the way with your insecurities but only you and whatever you believe in can actually work it out. It would have been one thing for Temi to let her le beau know that she has these insecurities, it is another to constantly play the games she did. Crying and all. No one wants that drama. As for the two timing beau, it goes the same way, trying to put his luggage on madam Temi, if you could not deal with the drama, let her know she has too much baggage and you are not equipped to handle all that so it is best to go ya separate ways before you start seeing the other individual. Both of them are not emotionally ready to handle a relationship is just what it comes down to. As for insecurities, i talk about mine with the partner but not so he can work it out or something because he can’t but just so he knows and when he sees me tripping he can call me back and let me know that i am letting my insecurities get the best of me and pray for me as well.

  17. redbloom

    April 2, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    this is a very good article Glory. We need more of this on BN

  18. tunmi

    April 2, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    Temi reminds me of my ex, my current ex. As I grow and learn about myself (basically dating myself), I realize that two things are mandatory in the men I want, as I am a heterosexual woman. I must be physically attracted to you, and I must be attracted to your mind. Both are equally important.

    My ex had the physical part but the mind attraction was weak. We had taken a break before where I needed space. We both saw other people then we tried again. I broke it off when I realized that I could cheat on him without feeling remorse. And that if he cheated on me, I would not be upset. I would not take him back but I would not be upset. I do care about him, I have come to do so over 2 years, and I did not want to hurt him so I broke it off. Frankly, I should have broken it off a lot earlier. I don’t regret it though, it was a fun relationship.

    As to the comparison between my ex and Teni, both suffer from a lack of self esteem and a lack of self confidence. Nothing is more attractive on a person than self confidence. And that goes for men, women, toddlers, elderly, whomever. That self confidence and self esteem radiates and shines. Both of them truly need to date themselves and love themselves, their flaws and perfections. A boyfriend or girlfriend who does not love him/herself ends up suffocating and exhausting their significant other. If it’s not the need for constant reassurance, it’s the indirect way they question your loyalty.

  19. Theo

    April 2, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    Tumi, if to say you be man, I for marry you. “I realize that two things are mandatory in the men I want, as I am a heterosexual woman. I must be physically attracted to you, and I must be attracted to your mind. Both are equally important.”…

    That was how I almost said yes to a guy I feel nothing for. He’s a good man yes, but due to the constant pressure from Nigeria , I almost said yes to marrying him..imagine!!!!. Called my friend and explained my predicament, my friend was like babe seems you want to punish yourself by being with a man you don’t love. You don’t love this guy, the one you love will come. With the fear of turning 28 and being single, I was beginning to buy the manage mentality.

    During my teenage years, I suffered from acute self esteem issues and depression. From not having fancy clothes, to my parents not having fancy job titles. I clearly remember my mum’s Datsun car which she used to pick me from junior school, i used to feel one kain that time ohh. With God’s help I overcame it. Though it still exhibits itself in form of shyness hence , I must not catch you staring at me. I might just miss a step. With constant self development and self help books, I moved from that girl who was always invisible to the confident lady in church. I would walk on the aisle in church today, shoulders high, chest out. If you like be looking at me, your business.

    I believe its all about confidence. Inner confidence and appreciating your flaws. I have had acne and it affected my relationship in the past, as I felt every other woman who didn’t have acne was a potential threat. Today, I still have acne but so what.??? Its this same confidence that has helped me both in the corporate world. Even if I am a size 20 and so what???

    Sorry for the long epistle.

    • tunmi

      April 3, 2015 at 3:13 am

      Thank you. Naija, na platonic love oh. Funnily enough, it was the Meyer Briggs personality test that helped me. Me, I like taking those things because they help.me learn about myself and they help me put into words how I feel. For example, I’m not shy I just don’t like small talk. It’s wasteful to expand my energy on something that does not lead to me learning. Now give me something where we bounce off ideas and THAT right there gets my brain working. I tested as INTJ and boy the blogs help me understand myself. Which was why the relationship lasted 2 years. I knew something was off but u couldn’t put my finger on it. And it wouldn’t be fair to end the relationship saying “It’s not you, it’s me” because I would not even learn anything on why it’s me.

      Then I narrated the entire situation on an INTJ blog and they helped me understand it. And as I was reading those words, it all clicked. My godmother had said it, I just didn’t understand. A current toaster even mentioned it and he came at it philosophically. Even a close friend who hasn’t met him yet said the same thing. So see me looking like mumu, but I appreciate it because I learned. I swear if being a student was a well-paying job, I would do it 😀

      I am 23 and I am so glad I learned this early before we had gone even further by getting married. And at least Inow know what I want and what I cannot compromise on. But he did show me love, and I did the same for him. But yes…digging deep and knowing yourself is so important. And in a marriages focused place like Naija, pressure makes it worse. I am so glad you had someone help you realize it before it was too late.

    • D

      April 3, 2015 at 6:57 pm

      OMG!!! I am ISTJ and like you I am not shy just really don’t like talking about the “weather.” I am 89% I by the way. I had to take it for work and it helped me too, My manager told me I needed to learn how to manage my 89% “introvertedness” so has not to come up as someone with an attitude/proud and I have, I really have and it is truly helped me,and the interesting thing is you can feel the difference and your family and friends see it too.

  20. gem

    April 2, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    First, your friend seriously needs to take a break from dating ãήϑ work on her self esteem. I’m a “slender” girl, I have to endure being called lekpa,bonga fish,pole almost daily. I learnt to rise above it.she should learn that too. People would treat you how you present yourself. Most times shaa
    Secondly, she didn’t push him to cheat. He could have broken it off or told her her insecurities bothered him. He cheated by choice.he chose to do it.

  21. osato

    April 3, 2015 at 3:20 am

    Glory, cheating is here to stay oh…I am sorry to bust that bubble. Men and women cheat..for varying reasons etc. This is a hookup culture we live in,multiple partners,both sexes,left and right. Look around you,everyone is doing it…Now before i am descended on..i am not an advocate of cheating. Its just too many men and women out there….

  22. Bee

    April 3, 2015 at 11:47 am

    Insecurity is such an ugly thing and it doesn’t look good on anyone. I don’t want to focus on the cheating boyfriend, I want to focus on Temi because she has to move on, meet someone else and succeed in a new relationship.
    It’s exhausting how we girls buy into the world’s definition of beauty and all these unrealistic standards set by professional photo shop artists, magazine editors and a society with misplaced values. There is nothing as beautiful as a woman who knows who she is, accepts herself flaws and all, who has a confidence, zest for life and beauty radiating from inside. A man who wants you ONLY for your looks, is probably not worth having in your life; so why saddle yourself with insecurities based on how you look. Looks won’t make or save a relationship else Halle Berry, Eva Longoria and the scores of goddess-like Hollywood girls have no business getting divorced. I love this quote by Gabourey Sidibe, an actress most people will classify as ‘ugly or fat or unattractive.’ “People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl … It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”
    Temi and all the ‘Temis’ out there, you are worth more than your dress size, face shape, skin tone, wardrobe content and all the externals, please.
    Love you Glory, keep shining girl!

  23. me

    April 6, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    I totally understand all these esteem and insecurity talk cos I have been there and still there but in a much better place and with a better understanding of myself.
    I am a size 12(i wear 14 sometimes), I have big calves(what u people call yam). I became very aware of this in js 2 and u know how mean secondary school ple can be. They called me all sort. At some point I cut my hair, so at least I can be identified wiv d male specie since having yam is only for the guys(did I mention I enjoyed armwrestling too wiv my class boys). As I grew older It just occurred to me that there was just no point, asin NO POINT! I just kept telling myself everyday that I am beautiful and I read books, that helped alot. So now I really can’t be bothered. I can’t kill myself. This life is too sweet to be bothered by such.

  24. Solumkene

    April 7, 2015 at 7:52 pm

    @ me…habaaaa!!! Which one is to cut your hair to be associated with the male specie??? ure so funny. ur comment got me laughing. My darling, dont stress yourself oh, just make an effort to look nice everyday.

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