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Funmi Shittu: The Virtuous Woman

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“I desire a God-fearing man with the wisdom of TD Jakes, the body of Will Smith and the swag of Lucious Lyon (Terrence Howard). I want a man with loads of money to throw around. He doesn’t have to be as rich as Steve Jobs, or live in a gigantic house, but he should at least own a penthouse. He doesn’t have to own a private jet, but he should be able to purchase a first-class ticket whenever I need to travel.” Is that too much to ask for?

“Hold on! ‘I need! I need! I need!’” What are you bringing on board? You can try for a million years, but a porous basket will never work as a vessel to hold water. Here’s another way to look at it: what use would it be to pour water into a basket? I mean, it’s okay to want all of these things in a partner (the “water”) but if you are not able to contain it (like the “basket”), you will only become a liability to the source.

Every rich man out there is probably seeking and searching for the heart of a queen. The word “queen” here isn’t necessarily referring to someone of nobility by title. Rather, it means that there must be something unique and special about you that stands you out. There is more to being a woman. A virtuous woman brings out the king in her husband.

When a King and a Queen come together, such combinations don’t simply make babies: they create a kingdom. They don’t just raise children, either – instead, they raise a nation! A wise King understands the symbolic meaning of a crown. The woman herself is the crown. She is a wife of noble character and her husband’s crown. In other words, a crown cannot exist without a King and likewise, a King needs the CROWN in order to lead as a King. A virtuous woman is not actually looking for an extraordinary man! Instead, she turns an ordinary man into an extraordinary man!

One question you must ask yourself is this:

“Am I going to be an asset or a liability to my spouse? Will I be a woman with a purpose?”

The term “purpose” here refers to that which God intends for every woman to be “The Virtuous Woman.” The virtuous woman is not a myth, nor does it happen overnight. Instead, it is attainable and stems from a woman who walks in her purpose.

I am writing specifically about ‘The Virtuous Woman’, “A role model to be emulated by this generation and set aside to be a helper to her spouse. Nevertheless, I believe it is the duty of the man to provide for his household.

A virtuous woman is a woman of excellence. It’s funny because a lot of people want what she has, yet very few people can actually do what she does daily.

Such a woman is often behind an extraordinary man! She is an investor and not just a wife but she is loaded to the core! Basically, she is financially stable and she is called blessed by her children.

Now, that is a blessing. You don’t demand it, but you earn it!

She brings value to the table. This woman is a hustler, in every sense of the word – a true businesswoman! Her hands are blessed, and always looking for ways to be a blessing to her household.

She’s not just somewhere thinking and looking at herself in the mirror with her beautiful body and hair saying to herself, “I am HOT – in fact, too hot. And if any man wants me, he must be this and must be that….”

If, as a woman, you are seeking the heart of a king, then remember to be a Queen.

Believe that God has made you a success to the man that marries you. Trust that whatever you touch will turn to gold. You are the favour to the man that marries you! A virtuous woman is not just a role model with millions of followers on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram – she is also raising a nation and building a respected legacy in the process.

Get busy in your purpose, remain driven, and build yourself as a woman. If you need to get a degree, it’s never too late. Whether you are a single mother or even a teenage mother, the call to be virtuous is the same. If you need to start a business, then start it now! No matter how small your capital is or whether you must first invest in your own talent, do not delay – just get started!

Empower yourself, becoming an asset to your spouse – not a liability.

Live your purpose and pursue becoming the woman you are called to be!

You are a VIRTUOUS WOMAN!

Funmi Shittu is a Singer-Songwriter based in the UK, apart from singing, she is also a graduate lawyer from The University of Kent at Canterbury and holds a Masters degree in Oil and Gas Law from The University of Aberdeen. She is the founder of www.funmishittu.com She is married to James Agbona and they have two children. Instagram @funmishittu and @funmishittuquotes

77 Comments

  1. sum1special

    May 17, 2015 at 8:37 am

    Very educative article. Thanks to the author for this profound writing.

  2. iamjasmin

    May 17, 2015 at 8:47 am

    nice one, Funmi. You get some wisdom ni oh, many thanks for sharing, God speed!

  3. mandy

    May 17, 2015 at 9:02 am

    WOW!!!! Goosebumps. I love this.

  4. Idomagirl

    May 17, 2015 at 9:05 am

    Based on my experience as an adult Nigerian, the issue right now is not a lack of virtuous women but a lack of virtuous men (if there’s such a thing since the adjective is almost often reserved exclusively for women).

    Since childhood this ‘virtuous woman/wife material’ thing has been drummed into our heads. So we’re virtuous, what we need now are virtuous men. Biko show us where we can find them. Thanks.

    (By virtuous men I mean, men of integrity and character, before those of you who think everything is about money start attacking me).

    • jide

      May 17, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      Thank you. How many of today,s eligible bachelor’s were harassed with “no woman will marry you if you are irresponsible “l or “don’t you dare hit your wife” or “this is how to love your wife” drumming? However as young girls we were repeatedly reminded that “if you don’t do this, no man will marry you,” if you get fat you won’t find a husband” “if you don’t know how to cook you will be single” “if you don’t submit men will flee”. The double standards tire me jare.

    • That Igbo Girl

      May 17, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Exactly my dear the virteous women also needs virteous men!!!!!

    • nene

      May 17, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      gbam!!!

    • Kim M.

      May 17, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      @ Idomagirl:

      Yes – there is such a thing as a virtuous man. The Old Testament was orginally written in Hebrew. The phrase translated as “virtuous woman” or “woman of noble character” means Eshet CHAYIL in Hebrew. CHAYIL (Strong’s 2428) means strength, the strength of a warrior. The word CHAYIL is also used to describe mighty men of valor in the Bible. The Hebrew word, CHAYIL, used to describe the virtuous woman a.k.a woman of noble character in Pr 31:10 is the very same word used to describe some of the Bible’s mighty men: Josh 1:14, 6:2; Judg 6:12; 2 Kgs 15:20. Therefore, the words noble and virtuous (CHAYIL in Hebrew) can and have also been used to describe mighty men. The terms are not exclusive to women.

    • As for me

      May 17, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      Idoma girl,
      Ever since I started reading this blog, I have never seen any positive response from you.

      You know wot? As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. If you think there are no virtuous men out there, you can never get one

      Just sit there while ladies marry virtuous men every Saturday and you are boxed in your dark and negative thoughts

    • Married woman here

      May 18, 2015 at 12:02 am

      Hehe dem send you come? Idoma girl, you have a stalker o.

    • jay

      May 18, 2015 at 10:00 am

      Oh please, leave IdomaGirl alone.I personally love reading her comments and share a lot of her views. Her opinions and comments do not need to be “positive” to or for you. Stay in your lane since her take on things or views don’t drive your car. In a nutshell, what’s it to you????

    • Seriously

      May 18, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      @ as for me

      Don’t get all sensitive. Idoma girl, didn’t say there are no virtuous men. She’s saying, in as much as there’s emphasis on a woman’s character or expectation of how a woman should carry herself the same should apply to men. A lot of men get away with so much negative behavior and continue such bcos they believe their “virtuous” wife or future wife will still love them regardless and is expected to continue to be the “virtuous” woman while he behaves anyhow. Too many so called “virtuous” women are paired up with “non virtuous”men and when they have marital issues. Guess what, the woman takes all the responsibility or accountability. Her husband is cheating, she’s advised to pray, don’t say anything so he won’t cheat on you or leave. . What happened to advising and encouraging our men to be better Just as we women are encouraged to be “virtuous”, men should be virtuous too

    • bolu

      May 17, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      Okay for the purpose of this article she is referring to the virtuous woman. Is that okay???? She even said it up there! Lovely read. Still woman want ready made!!! Lol

    • As for me

      May 17, 2015 at 8:22 pm

      Idoma girl, ever since i started reading this blog, i have never read any positive thing from you. Know what? as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. if you think there are no virtuous men, you can never get one. All your colleagues are marrying the virtuous men every saturday, yet you hide behind the computer everyday to type rubbish.

      ndo o

    • Idomagirl

      May 19, 2015 at 8:15 pm

      LMAO. Surely you can do better than that ‘all your mates are getting married on Saturday’ nonsense. If you want to come for me you better come harder than that.

      And if my comments bother you so much you better stay away from this site because I will not swallow my opinions on issues because of you or anyone else. You’ve been warned.

    • ILovebellaComments

      May 19, 2015 at 11:48 am

      Babes I feel you but you can search for bookstore on materials About virtuous men. Unfortunately this one was referring to women. Nonetheless your points are valid but you can keep on working on yourself the right man will come! My sincere take. We never stop growing.

  5. mx

    May 17, 2015 at 10:34 am

    @ Idomagirl there r virtuous men every where but its u women who want swag and money men so we as men have adapt..observe girls of today wen there breast is still standing and they r relatively young they select nd look dwn on men.but when Bobbi don fall any man bcomes relationship material then they start falling prey to all tom dick nd harry.if u want a good man b a good woman.

    • Ann

      May 17, 2015 at 11:17 am

      So rich men also can’t be virtuous? I honestly don’t understand why y’all make it seem like wanting money is a bad thing. There are plenty men who are virtuous who also have money so it’s not one or the other. You broke nigerian men have made it seem like wanting your spouse to have attained a certain level of success is a terrible thing to want. Abeg.

    • As for me

      May 17, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Ann, wanting money when you have not thing to offer or bring to the table is not only bad, it is parasitic, gold digging, inhumane and says a lot about you as a lazy, useless, good for nothing, no “contributor” of good thing, a liability, valueless, wife.

      You have nothing to add/contribute to the life of your husband. And to make it worse, if you belong to the group of girls who think giving sex to the man is enough you are contributing, I say to you that you are not better than a prostitute who gives a night stand. If as a lady, all you have to contribute to a man’s life is sex, then men should stop marrying ladies, they should do pay as you go when horny.

      It is a crime to desire a ready made n wealthy man when you have nothing to add to his life

    • As for me

      May 17, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      Ann, it is not bad to want to marry money in your own words. However it is a crime to want to marry money when you dont have anything to offer the money you wanna marry.

      It is parasitic, gold digging, a good for nothing life, a no value adding life, to seek to marry money when you have nothing to contribute to the man’s life. It shows you are lazy, cannot work for your own money, depend on someone else for your living and what is motivating you in life.

      To make matters worse, there are ladies who belong to the school of thought that giving sex is enough quota to contribute to the man’s life. These kind of ladies are not better than a prostitute who gives a night stand. If all you contribute to a man’s life is sex, then men should stop marrying ladies and do pay as you go when they are horny.

      In conclusion, possess what you want in a man, simple. You want money, then be a woman who is boxed up as well. Many dont even have a single car in their family of origin, yet they want a guy with the latest car

      hiss

    • bn lover

      May 18, 2015 at 10:29 am

      Y do I think @as4me could be Bruno abi a Bruno wannabe….

    • Idomagirl

      May 17, 2015 at 11:58 am

      MX your post makes no sense sorry. What does standing breast or swag have to do with this?

    • cindy

      May 17, 2015 at 2:15 pm

      @mx pls just stop. Where have you been looking? From your statement alone, it shows you are not even virtuous as you claim to be. You people will be stereotyping and generalizing. Mtchew!

  6. le coco

    May 17, 2015 at 10:55 am

    @idomagirl that was exactly my thot… virtuous men…..im tired of these expectations only being poured on to women

  7. Femi

    May 17, 2015 at 11:03 am

    Nice one!!!

  8. Ann

    May 17, 2015 at 11:21 am

    I’m honestly tired of all these articles. Proverbs 31 woman, proverbs 31 woman! We don hear oh. NA the only thing dem dey preach for nigerian churches apart from prosperity. All these expectations being poured into women while men bring absolutely nothing to the table. But why do I even bother? Everything is the nigerian woman’s fault.

    • Kim M.

      May 17, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      The way many people present Pr 31 is often one-side, and that is unfortunate because that’s not how the Bible actually addresses the subject matter. Many of the traits and duties listed in Pr 31:10-31 are mutual, collective and congregational. In other words, many of the traits and duties listed in that passage are for men too!

      Do Good
      She will do him good … (v.12). As believers, men and women are admonished to “do good” to our enemies (Lu 6:27, 35). Christian men and women are admonished to “do good” and to share with others (He 13:16).

      Do No Harm
      She brings him good, not harm … (v.12). Husbands are instructed to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). Romans 13:10 tells us that “love does no harm.” Therefore, if a husband loves his wife, he will not harm her.

      Work With Your Hands
      She … works with eager hands (v.13). Christian men and women are called to live a quiet lives, mind our business and “work with our hands” … (1 Th 4:11).

      Don’t Be Idle
      She … does not eat the bread of idleness (v.27). Paul proclaimed the value of hard work and sternly warned men and women not to be idle (2 Th 3:6-12). “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone” ( 1 Th 5:14).

      Speak With Wisdom
      She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue (v.26). “The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just” (Ps 37:30).

      Care for the Poor
      She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy (v.20). Christian men and women are admonished to care for the poor and needy (Ma 25:34-40).

      Fear the Lord
      … a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (v. 30). “Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments!” (Ps 112:1)

      Many of the expectations laid out in Pr 31 are for men too – not just women: being virtuous and noble (CHAYIL), doing their wives good and not harm, working with their hands, not being idle, speaking wisdom, caring for the poor and fearing the Lord. Those duties are mutual, collective and congregational. They are not exclusively feminine, although you wouldn’t know that based upon the way Pr 31 is usually taught.

  9. Naked

    May 17, 2015 at 11:28 am

    @idomagirl, of course men with integrity and character are still out there. But the problem is men who are not ready to settle down mostly due to chasing a career or chasing financial stability. Then comes ladies who want a ready made man with a good bank account and need i say, a nice job. As much as a man doesn’t want a liability, so also a woman does not want liability.

    Can i then ask this question ; How many ladies out there are ready to start from the scratch with a guy who has to his name only a bachelor’s degree, two shirts, a pant trouser, a pair of shoe, a tie and his determination to make it in life?

    • Idomagirl

      May 17, 2015 at 11:57 am

      So starting from scratch with a man is what qualifies one as virtuous? See ehn I’m sick and tired of how Nigerians see everything through the lens of money and material things.

      I’m talking about character and integrity, you’re talking about starting from scratch. You can start from scratch with a man and both of you’ll be involved in shady stuff (drugs etc), does that mean you’re virtuous?

      Everytime we talk about ‘wife material’ this starting from scratch thing always comes up. Is that all that a relationship is about?

    • Aleesha

      May 18, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      I thank God for females who think like you.

    • Pretty girl

      May 17, 2015 at 1:14 pm

      No. They are not ready to suffer with any man after they done that in their fathers house so they all want a rich man.

    • Reetah

      May 17, 2015 at 3:04 pm

      Many women have started with men like that but do you know what happened? He got small change and started chasing all the skirts in Lagos… So, now aunty wants somebody who has small change at least then they can build an empire together.

    • Moms

      May 17, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      Hmmmm,you want to be real?
      Any brother around a certain age with one trouser,shirt and shoe should be questioned.
      There are no jobs , yes but there are other legal ventures to have more shirts….and provide for their new family.

    • Naomi

      May 17, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      Because it worked for our parents doesnt mean it will work for us. our generation is different from theirs. most of the time when u start from scratch with a guy he ends up replacing u with a younger finer version of u, saying you are not good enough for his new status. Most women wont take that risk anymore. Young man work ur way up to the top by yourself, you dont need a woman to start from scratch with u. Start with your Bsc and 2 shirts by yourself! why are u looking for a woman to start with u? ladies why must u help someone build his life,his destiny or career?

    • Dora the explorer

      May 17, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      hallelujah Amen!!!

    • As for me

      May 17, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Naomi, no guy is looking for who to start life with. What we are saying here is

      1. Dont complain thee are no guys or got not guys to marry you cos he is still working his way to the top. Therefore stop saying there are no men or no virtuous men

      2. Dont go near the guy when he has something cos you didnt work with him when he was accumulating those stuffs. You cannot reap where you did not sow

      3. If you must go near him when he has something, make sure you have what he has too. Want a guy with car, possess a car too. Want a guy with money and house, have money and house too. What is good for the goose is good for the gander

      If you are claiming you are not inferior to the man in anyway, why do you seek a man with something? Are you lazy, handicapped, blind or lame not to be able to work and get your own life together too? Did they cast a spell on you not to have millions and billions in your account and for you to be a parasite looking for who to attach your life too?

    • Doxa

      May 17, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      That your last paragraph, a man in that state is not ready for marriage. People think marriage is a walk in the park. Even during marriage counseling, some churches list the basic minimum a man should have before engaging a lady. In my church for instance, a designated leader goes to inspect the man’s house and other things before final approval is given.
      No one is saying he must be a millionaire, but somethings are basic.

    • Ann

      May 17, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      My father did not go to marry my mother when he had no job and 2 shirts. So why would I carry man wey get no job when me I get job? Frankly that man has more important things to be looking for than a girlfriend; a job for starters.

    • Ann

      May 18, 2015 at 10:35 am

      My Dear i tire, i have a job, i am managing life then society expects that i agree to marry a brother that without a job, feed him, clothe him, warm his bed, give birth to kids, pay rent and that qualifies me as a virtuous woman abi, them dey try. Before a man thinks of marrying a wife he should at least have a job, be able to cater for his family, then his wife would support. A man should be able to cultivate his wife biko nu!

    • rhonyi

      May 17, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      @naked, some girls like me are starting from the scratch with such men; men with just a degree, one shirt, one pant trouser, a few Polo shirts, one rusty old shoe, hand me down jeans. Yet, I still fear I may not be ‘enough’ bcos some, if not majority of our men, tend to value someone else when they’re made. We NEED virtuous men too. Cos the women have been virtuous for ages

    • Married woman here

      May 18, 2015 at 12:06 am

      Two shirts and a trouser? Unless someone put a gun to his head to marry, this individual should be on full gear hustling with no time to toast babes

  10. Vivianmorh

    May 17, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Women are asked to be a blessing to their spouse what will the spouse be to the woman? Accepted dia are bad women outside dia bt when we check the percentage of virtuous men to virtuous women today it is soo not balanced

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 17, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      when we check the percentage of virtuous men
      to virtuous women today it is soo not balanced”

      biko who carried out that study. pls don’t use ur bad unfortunate personal experiences to judge the entire public.

      ” Women are asked to be a blessing to their
      spouse what will the spouse be to the woman?”

      men are asked to provide for their wives. housing, food, clothing, money for school fees, healthcare money etc. is it not the man (there are very very veey few exceptions).

      I can tell u are not married that’s why u can open ur mouth and talk trash. a happily married woman who know how hard her husband works to provide for her and the family won’t be coming on bellanaija to be bashing men.

      him working hard to provide and secure the future of the family is what a virtuous man is.

      u my friend are an angry bitter woman.

    • mo

      May 17, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      They will be curse to them ni. After their wandering dick don fuck all fuckable and wifey don carry AIDS from them. Datsall.

    • Kim M.

      May 17, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      @ Vivianmorh:

      The husband described in Pr 31:23 is a man like Job. Job was known in the gates and sat among the elders of the land (Job 29:7-25). Job was known because of his own actions. He assisted the poor and orphans. He helped those without hope. Everything he did was honest. He served as eyes for the blind and feet for the lame. He was a father to the poor. He broke the jaws of godless oppressors. People listened to his advice. Unfortunately, Job’s wife was not a virtuous woman, yet that had no bearing on Job’s actions because he was a man of wisdom and faith. We know what it means for a man to be respected at the gates because Job lived it and demonstrated that for us.

      What’s the point? The Pr 31 husband “IS respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” He doesn’t just muddle around and expect his wife to contribute everything worthwhile. He’s busy doing the kinds of things that Job demonstrated. That’s what a husband who is respected at the city gate will be doing: providing for his family and helping make the community where his family lives a better and safer place.

  11. bruno FIERCE

    May 17, 2015 at 11:47 am

    the article is about being a virtuous woman, I don’t know how bitter angry single women on bellanaija have turned it into another opportunity to bash men.

    the article is about virtuous women, u can write ur own also about virtuous men.

    pls this man bashing on bellanaija is getting old. this is not feminism u are only making urself look weak and petty.

    how many nigerian women are virtuous women to begin with sef. don’t make me tell u about my experiences. poor manners and poor etiquette, very rude and unnecessarily aggressive.

  12. bruno FIERCE

    May 17, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    the writer specifically stated

    “I am writing specifically about ‘The Virtuous
    Woman’, “A role model to be emulated by this
    generation and set aside to be a helper to her
    spouse”

    so how did virtuous man enter the picture. @idomagirl I’m sure u don’t have a husband that’s why u sound unnecessarily bitter.

    I can not use the horrible experiences I have had with nigerian women(trust me, I have had alot from the loud badly behaved rude nigerian woman to the woman who believes every guy who says hello or hi wants to sleep with her mentality) to judge all women around the world. that’s what many of u bitter women are doing.

    it is not our fault that u can’t find a good husband it is not a fault that u can’t find a man to marry you.

    cause lets face it all the man bashing is due to frustration of ur inability to be able to find a man.

    maybe a man should write about being a virtuous man also.

    • scissors

      May 18, 2015 at 2:02 pm

      Oya,wat exactly z ur point,u dnt need to type long epistle,u msnt always bash pple,u rude goat….mtchew

  13. Aweriawhen

    May 17, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    One day I was listening to a sermon by Keith Moore and he said something that struck me. He said “while listening to this message stop thinking of someone that’s needs to hear it. As far as you are the one listening to it, then it is for YOU.” What’s with all this nonsense about the men this the men that? If you know the importance of a woman in every relationship and family you will know that this topic cannot be over-emphasized. Yes the men need to work on themselves and some are already but, it is quite unfortunate that BN seems to be predominately a female community. Hence it seems like the best platform to discuss things that are mostly beneficial to the ladies. Else, what will be the essence of telling me (a woman) about what it takes to me a virtuous man?

  14. kaycee

    May 17, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    This article comes at the right time, cos I need more from the ladies, and certainly not d one’s I meet that has eyes feast on my money. Like seriously u have to bring sth to the table apart from beuty and domestic skill. I need to expand on my monetary gains, so u just have to bring your A game on the business skill..

    • bn lover

      May 18, 2015 at 10:43 am

      R u 4 real right now? You want her to be ur business consultant??? She’s beautiful and domesticated,I bet she has a job and datis not enough. Sir weldone

  15. bruno FIERCE

    May 17, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    ” when we check the percentage of virtuous men
    to virtuous women today it is soo not balanced”

    biko who carried out that study. pls don’t use ur bad unfortunate personal experiences to judge the entire public.

    ” Women are asked to be a blessing to their
    spouse what will the spouse be to the woman?”

    men are asked to provide for their wives. housing, food, clothing, money for school fees, healthcare money etc. is it not the man (there are very very veey few exceptions).

    I can tell u are not married that’s why u can open ur mouth and talk trash. a happily married woman who know how hard her husband works to provide for her and the family won’t be coming on bellanaija to be bashing men.

    him working hard to provide and secure the future of the family is what a virtuous man is.

    u my friend are an angry woman.

  16. dex

    May 17, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    Profound…thnk u 4 ds article

  17. Nia

    May 17, 2015 at 1:42 pm

    The cover picture is not edited at all, please edit it more till the lady disappear, mtchew editing abuse

  18. Xrisboo

    May 17, 2015 at 2:18 pm

    @naked- There are ladies who would rather start from scratch as long as the respect is maintained E.G myself! But that rarely happens.

  19. Somebody

    May 17, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    When I met my boo then all I had my name was “finalist” in the University, Bobo was such a gentleman and a hustler too. I couldn’t believe his work ethics; so sound and He was kind. He couldn’t believe being a final year student was anyone’s achievement and I loved him so I had to start hustling; to please him initially but I am the better for it now. He put the extra to my ordinary woman and that’s what I’m talking about, let us also encourage both parties to be virtuous biko because I believe one partner can teach the other. Even this article wouldn’t have helped my lazy ass then.

  20. nene

    May 17, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    men just want a beautiful woman…extremely rich men with a lot of power and wealth. when was the last time a very rich man married a virtuous woman? money intoxicates and changes men more than women.

  21. poison ivy

    May 17, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    @Naked, been there, done that, never going back there.(university years)
    Dude wasted my strength, energy and prayer point, over pampered mummy’s boy waiting for hand outs.
    He’s currently without a job(what am I saying, am even hyping him), he no get degree, wasted years in the university. Abeg I no fit indulge in pet project again, not at my age. Tufiakwa
    I cannot wait around for a guy to get on his feet when am already standing.

  22. Frances Okoro

    May 17, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    There’s no need for argument, a lack of virtuous men or not, every woman will still do well to find and walk in their purpose.
    The virtuous woman isn’t made in a day, she grows and learns and gets there somehow thru experiences..
    No matter where we are on the ladder, we can learn more and be better.
    Thanks Funmi

  23. Bukola

    May 17, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    We shouldn’t miss the point. The author is not saying it is a bad thing to want an handsome or rich man, she is rather saying as a woman ” do not be a liability”. Build yourself, be an asset.

  24. Angel

    May 17, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    I’m starting to wonder at all the nagging by women regarding Nigerian men, is it that bad? But then again i know quite a number of relatively ‘normal’ single guys complaining that good/virtuous naija babes to wife up are hard to come by these days, not sure who/what to believe anymore. Anyway, this article is spot on! I say this to myself & friends all the time, be & carry yourself like a queen in everything, in your mental state, in your aspirations, in deeds, in your purpose for life etc, and find your purpose in life. At some point, I had to learn to be so polite (because in my head queens don’t display certain attitude) that even when pissed, I could tell a person to go to hell so politely that they actually look forward to the trip. God created us to have dominion, if u actually see urself the way God sees u & strive to be at the level where u are meant to be, I don’t think all these relationship wahala will abound today, problem is most peeps want to dine with devil at bottom low while at the same time aspire for height. You attract your type, in other words queens attract kings. Amongst the women I know, I am yet to see anyone neck deep in her purpose for life still single & searching, some even got divorced & had men lined up to wife them up again and are happily married now. Like my friend say sometimes, it’s all down to how you package yourself, my two cents.

    • As for me

      May 17, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      Angel you are wondering? don’t bother yourself too much. Time would tell.

      This is very synonymous with BN girls. I see BN readers/commentators dominated by single girls(70%), married ladies (20%) and men (10%).

      I see very angry girls who have been cheated on b4; i see girls who can’t explain why they are still single despite the fact that they have done everything they know; i see girls who have attitude problems; i see girls who are even afraid to go out into the dating world but can hide behind the screen to write stuffs; i see girls who need a man n their lives; i see girls whose relationship lives ain’t going the way it is supposed to go.

      I see girls who are upcoming, have a job and some salary coming in and because of this, they feel they are independent and any guy is not worth anything; i see girls who have some things going on or them dont see any good in any man; i see girls who use all kinds of toys/are into girls and dont need any man for any satisfaction.

      Listen girls, wondered why our mothers got it right? wondered why their marriages are better of than ours? The secret is in their action, attitudes and behaviour. To achieve what they achieved, we have to follow their foot steps, which many of you are not ready to do.

      All these stuffs you do online is called pity party. Go out there and make it work. If you don’t need/want a man, live your life and stop daily nagging. If you need a partner, put yourself on the right track. We are not yet in the era of ladies marrying men. Men marry ladies and you need to learn from your mothers. If you want to marry the men, take up all the roles associated with masculinity and make the man whatever you want.

      How are the other ladies doing it? how are ladies getting bfs, wooers and proposals on a daily basis? how are couples celebrating 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years in marriage? Learn from them and stop nagging.

      If you can’t get a man to marry you, it is no ones fault and the world shouldnt crash bcos of that. You can enjoy your singleness and your job. Many people stink from within. Their attitude is a no no

      i pity this generation

    • Married woman here

      May 17, 2015 at 11:56 pm

      Lol…why do I have a hunch that you are a single guy pushing 40 but can’t explain why he is single despite his Lagos Big boy status? Stop single shaming women. This is 2015

    • sexy b

      May 19, 2015 at 9:57 am

      You are not been truthful…..Some ladies have done the right thing and still its not working. It’s a pity that Nigeria and its culture see the man as God. You dont expect a woman to clean, fuck you, cook, train children, manage the home, get a 9-5 job and never complain. I 100% believe that no one was born a slave. In a home where the woman contribute 50% to the home financially, the man should also contribute to the home 50% when it comes to house chores and the children. It would make the home balance.

      A man should be able to cook for his family one or twice a week, go to the market when the woman is cleaning the house. Mob the floor when the woman is cooking, Wash the dishes whilst the woman is feeding the children, Give them breakfast whilst she goes to the gym to lose the baby fat and vice versa. Trust me do it for one month and keep your DICK in the trouser and see if your wife will not open her legs every-time you touch her. Doing chores in your own home does not make you less of a MAN that is just stupidness and a FOOL that will use that as an excuse.

      A woman need a good man the way a man needs a good woman……If you want a relationship, then be 100% faithful., respectful, fair and be willing to grow. But if the love has died, then LEAVE than hurt each other

      No woman wants a cheating husband and vice versa….If you are tired of the relationship or marriage be bold enough to tell the person you are with, I want to go and FUCK another person. I don’t care about our relationship or the marriage and our children………then file for divorce than putting another human being .through emotional pain and heartache for the rest of their lives because like they say “ALL MEN CHEAT”. its only a FOOL that would say that.

      My point from all the previous articles on marriages and relationships is simple……”RESPECT”

  25. bruno

    May 17, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    bellanaija, where are my comments

    bellanaija I thought both of us have passed that stage. me begging u to post my comment and u doing shakara.

  26. Suwa

    May 17, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    I love you Funmi Shittu

  27. Penelope

    May 17, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    Dz might be strayin away 4rm the topic bt, I need to know. When a husband tells his wife if she feels that she’s suffering or get less than what she used to get when she was single or in her mother’s house then she shld go back to her mother’s house when things change financially then she can come back!

  28. Naked

    May 18, 2015 at 8:10 am

    @angel and @As for me.. Your comments are making a whole lot of sense.

  29. vivianmorh

    May 18, 2015 at 9:01 am

    @ bruno
    Of course u av to assume am bitter and single because of my comment. I mean wat else would u describe me as since i didnt say ‘men are rily trying and all dey need to make the world a better place is a virtuous woman’. I never said dia wia no virtuous men out dia and of course am nt married like u pointed out bt dia are enough married ppl arnd to learn from. Virtuous women dis virtuous women that seriouslyyyy? The man has duties to perform as well, a virtuous woman builds a home bt she can never build it successfully wen the male factor dia is nt virtuous. And the fact that most men think providing for the family financially is all dey are suppose to do says alot abt what dey bring to the table. Money is important bt its nt all. It takes more than money to build and maintain a home bt no all men talk abt is dia responsibility of providing for the family. It rily doesnt end dia

  30. Aju Kuti

    May 18, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Wow
    Ajukuti.blogspot.com

  31. Beautiful

    May 18, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    “If, as a woman, you are seeking the heart of a king, then remember to be a Queen” Funmi Shittu 2015

    This summaries it all., she never said to marry a poor man or look after him. Just bring something on board. Funmi okay write for virtuous men!!!! Am sure if she talked about virtuous man the article would have been too long. na wa see comments!!!

  32. Minister Ade

    May 18, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Sometimes i wonder where these misconstrued thinking come from.

    The man finds a wife right?

    If a wise woman takes this article to heart, the best and God sent man will pick her.

    Ladies, stop complaining and just work on yourself. God won’t allow bad harvest for god seeds.

    Ladies, simply focus on yourselves.

  33. M

    May 18, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    I claim this!!!! Amazing article. I was forced to go read all her articles. Funmi if you are reading this thanks for challenging women like me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. With us. Its clear you to help women better their lives and be an asset!!!!!

  34. Laura Nwodo

    May 18, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    This is an astonishing read Funmi. Thank you so much for this beautiful inspiration. A virtuous woman is an asset and a blessing to whoever she comes in contact With.. she’s a vessel of honour and is always open to Godly wisdom. She’s a lot of things which manifest over time due to the choices she makes right from early age through godly guidance. A virtuous woman does not just come out of the blue, but is formed through the directives of another virtuous woman/man. If you have a young girl and it’s your desire for her to grow into a virtuous woman, don’t live her for the world to Train.,nothing exceptional comes Easy..Thank you once again Funmi x

  35. effie

    May 20, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    Great article. I feel inspired

  36. Beautiful piece

    May 21, 2015 at 8:53 am

    Thanks for Funmi for such an awesome writeup!! Very rare to say women are still thinking like this in this day and age. I am so in awe of you right now. you should put this in a book!

  37. Femi

    May 23, 2020 at 1:10 pm

    Thank you very much for this details,but i noticed most if not all of her song is not free and difficult to download

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