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Girl Spice: Vacancy! Gentleman Wanted

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I am a big fan of Michelle Mckinney Hammond
I love to read her books. There are always tips on how to be that lady everyman wants to be with, the power of being a woman, how a woman is supposed to be submissive, supportive, comport and carry herself and all that.
I read them a lot and I enjoy them. Most times when I want to pick up yet another of her books, something in my head whispers: “Never say Never”.

I will tell you why.

Six years ago my best friend Tola used to read a lot of these motivational books while my head was always buried in all sorts of novels. More often than not she would try to convince me to read one of the books and I would decline. No way in hell am I going to be caught reading any “how to” book. I just assumed they were for losers and I definitely was not one! I had it all together: my life, my self-confidence, my finances, my love life… so I would never need to read those books.

Fast forward 6 years later I am buying 3 of these books in one day.
When I read Michelle’s books, the words feel like food to my soul and at that moment I just envy my future husband. He will be one lucky man because not all women will get to read and know these secrets about how to please a man. It’s all good and seems all easy to do when I’m reading.
After every book, I resolve to be the perfect woman for my man: humble, submissive yet confident and sassy.
Just like a perfect mix of Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus
I feel like he should just hurry up and come because I can’t wait to shower him with these newly acquired “woman skills” and just watch him bask and glow under my charms. Sometimes I even apply some of the skills to the numerous men who want to date me.

It seems to work fine and then I smile to myself and relish the feeling that comes with seeing the results of a well planned and thought out move. Until they say something stupid and God help me, I just cannot hold my tongue and be the docile woman.
Most times I try to hold back a sharp retort. God knows I try so hard but hey… I’m human. I just have to give it back, do a verbal reset. (Manual is not my thing)

Don’t get me wrong I am level headed. I’m not abusive or aggressive or anything like that but I am very principled and one of my weaknesses is being too blunt. When there is something I need to say nothing on earth can stop me. I just can’t hold it down. Then when I say it all, my good girl efforts gets blown to the winds.

So you see, the issue is I’m trying so hard to be the perfect lady and some man can’t try to be a gentleman.
“A gentleman” Note that I did not say, “the perfect Gentleman” – just a man, a man of honour, a man of his word.

After one such frustrating incidents with these men, which I will share another day, I sat down and I looked at my Michelle Hammond collections and I wondered: why aren’t there as many books for men as there are for women? Like how to be a gentleman, how to respect your woman, how to win a girl’s heart, how to make her love you for eternity etc? Pray tell.

A lot of men nowadays in my opinion need these lessons so bad, there is a danger of the term ‘Gentleman,’ going extinct.
There are definitely a couple good ones out there but they are as rare as a river in a desert.
Somebody save this generation!

PS: I’m looking to start a finishing school for men (a Men-only etiquette class) and I’m scouting for tutors. Qualification: Must know how to treat a lady right. Hit me up if you are my man.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Felix Mizioznikov 

Girls spice is a girl like any other single girl living and working in the nation’s Capital. She believes in love. Not just any kind of love, the type you see in fairytales. She considers herself an incurable romantic and writes anonymously on https://dairyofanincurableromantic.wordpress.com

24 Comments

  1. Unique

    July 26, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    Being MALE is dependent on chromosomes.
    Acting like a MAN is dependent on his age and experience.
    Embodying what it takes to be a GENTLEMAN is dependent on personal choices & knowledge

    thanksfully i have started reading up on relationships and how to treat women right. some of such book are *Men are from mars, women are from venus**Why women cant read Map* i will recommend guys to rwad that books as many things will be made clear about understanding yourself as a man and understanding women.

    On the other hand society has trained the men right from infant not be romantic and that is expressed in the type of toy they bought for them like cars, balls. for boys and dolls, novels for girls. We enforce the men to ignore or develop5 their soft side and continually reinforce the mantra of a man being strong and not being given to emotions.
    A girl is being trained to be a wife and mother right from young, guyz started learning how to when they are ready.

    Unto the gentlemen question, im proud to be one for those who value it. the truth some ladies prefer the macho types and sees the loverboy or the gentlemen as weak, i myself can switch from being a gentlemen to being a lil corky when i see someone abusing my gentlemanishness.

    *sorry for the long post, i just cant compress thgs sometimes

    • le coco

      July 27, 2015 at 7:45 am

      Ah ahn oga… you sound like a fine boy… pass on your digits. … lol im jst kidding.. but kudos to you. . We need more men like you

  2. Unique

    July 26, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    and for tutor, i will be glad to volunteer. the downside is that i do not stay in the Nation Capital, i stay somewhere in between

  3. Unique

    July 26, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    methinks BN has swallowed my first comment o, make i chill and take some pepsi then.
    If you are here to read comments, here is sofa and a soda .

  4. EllesarisEllendil

    July 26, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    Sorry but being gentlemanly these days is very hard!! Kindness is often repaid with rudeness, especially online, leaves me quite cynical about the return of the vintage Gentlemen, Ungentlemanly things like “conquests”, cheating and bragging about them are in vogue now, Gentlemen are like virgins these days, a dying breed.

    • Doxa

      July 27, 2015 at 10:20 am

      Gentleman are like virgins these days, a dying breed, hmmmmm…. am I the only one seeing the correlation? Bring back the gentlemen and we will have the virgins too.

    • Zainab

      July 27, 2015 at 11:03 am

      So spot on! Dying breed.

  5. www.thelmathinks.com

    July 26, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    Not necessarily related to your topic but… You keep making reference to “the perfect lady”, I doubt such a thing exists. Girly, be you please! See, just something as small as him saying something silly causes you to blow a fuse. What then happens when you’re Mrs Perfect Lady and life throws you curveballs which its bound to, what happens when DH not only says something silly but does something horrendous, what then do you do? If silly words can bring out that side of you (your true colours?), what will you now do when something of a greater magnitude happens? Don’t deceive any man please, strive to be a better woman, which is what the books teach, not “the perfect lady”. Don’t pretend to be docile if it’s not in your nature, and since when is docility even an admirable trait? by all means when you get married be submissive, but that’s after you marry and I think that’s different from docility.

    It’s situations like these that make men say “she was never like this before we got married, now she’s such a b*tch!”. Oh well, she always was, she was just trying to be perfect but masks wear thin eventually.

    Spice Girl the previous paragraph wasn’t referring to you, I’m not calling you the B word. However from the way you described yourself you’re obviously a strong assertive woman, why are you trying to break yourself down? Lastly, if God intended for you to be perfect, you wouldnt have to try so hard. When “he” eventually comes, with your flaws and imperfections you’ll be perfect for him.

  6. ikedichi

    July 26, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    Hi,
    My dear, it’s a hole lot you put up there, but what I have to say is that just the same way you look forward in finding the right man, he is also looking forward in finding the right woman.

    I most tell you those quality you have, I have being looking for them.

    What a world we are in.

  7. idomagirl

    July 26, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    I love this!!!! Everything about this post…

  8. hey

    July 26, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    I read alot of Michelle’s books it only inspired me to want to stay single ( to each his own).
    I’m always against all these motivational books and motivational seminar unless sum1 is paying for it or I’m going through a phase I need the information. I rili don’t get how spending time learning to save time isn’t a waste of time!
    Sorry I didn’t read the entire post maybe if it was lindsey heather u had as ur author or reference I would have been captured…but Michell, her vibe is too much about being an independent woman she only talks about u getting a man as an after thought.

  9. Felinda

    July 26, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    Read your BIBLE and stop wasting your tine with all these nonsense. Simple. That’s where ALLLLLLLLLLL answers to your ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Your questions are.

  10. HerExcellence

    July 26, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    lols. Michelle Mckinney Hammond!!! Diva says it as it is. from…Secrets of an irresistible woman to d Diva principles etc are loads of virtues to glean from. Michelle almost writes d same as the Why men love bitches writer….only that michelle writes from a believers standpoint. (her standard? the Word-Bible.)
    For d males..naa d gentlemen aspiring to b beta gents for their Divas….i strongly recommend T.D Jakes He-Motions. very powerful.
    ladies u can give it out as gifts to d men in ur liife. be sure to read it first too( yes yes yes…. thank me later)

  11. warizdiz

    July 26, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    Breeding will always shine through irrespective of the situation a male specie of the human race finds himself. This has nothing to do with a wealthy background. If you have a third leg, you are male but what makes you a gentlemen is your ability to and how you manage the various situations that comes your way. Being a gentleman is beyond being protective of the female species of the human race, it runs thru the whole gamut of how you treat your fellow men, the females in your life, and those that come your way be they friends or acquaintances. Unfortunately, a lot of females think being a gentleman is about taking abuse without a whimper, (taking others for granted is abuse) opening car doors and pulling out chairs at the dinner table.

    Most female folks make being a gentleman so difficult. You are a gentleman and you are termed weak. Preference is for the guy with some “edge”. By this, they mean the bad boys. They will test your patience to the max. For some, being a gentleman is being stupid. Pick all tabs, keep quiet when she screams and turn the other cheek when she dashes the man a slap. We know how easily being gentlemanly can be taken for granted. I will help carry your bags if they are heavy, I will rub your feet if you are tired. Hell, l will even cook you breakfast in bed. I will never go into fist cuffs with anyone, male or female or, raise my hands first. But, sorry the day you raise your hands to slap me, l will give you two back. I failed to assimilate the “walk away” part in breeding classes. I also do not remember the portion of the bible that talks about turning the other cheek. Respect is reciprocal. in the same vein, I believe there is a bit of “crazy” lurking somewhere in all gentlemen and women.

  12. chifire

    July 26, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    My “Unique” I see u.

  13. Tari

    July 27, 2015 at 8:17 am

    All these motivational scams.
    Common sense bottles in packaging and bring sold to gullible lazy people. I run from all such peddlers

    • Tari

      July 27, 2015 at 8:19 am

      Bottled

  14. mgtss.blogspot.com

    July 27, 2015 at 10:32 am

    “there is a danger of the term ‘Gentleman,’ going extinct.”
    I agree

  15. Girlbeingreal

    July 27, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Submissive? Hmmm…. Can’t handle any other thing You are saying. If that statement doesn’t sound sexist to you, then I don’t know how to help you

  16. Kola S

    July 27, 2015 at 11:59 am

    Have you ever heard the complaints about a man picking up a new device and not bothering to read the instruction manual before trying to put it together…I’ll use that as my analogy.

    This is not to say that men can’t or won’t learn, but perhaps their way of learning is different. One simple answer I’ll give about why there aren’t that many books for men is that men probably won’t buy them.

    SO, how do we teach them to be the perfect gentlemen? Through other men in their lives. Where are those other men? Good question.

    Men (women as well, but men especially) like to learn by watching, copying, living through the experience.. I have tried, but don’t think I can read a whole book about how to behave in my relationship with my woman. Thankfully, there are a few men in my life that I can carry on watching and tapping their brains for advice.

  17. Rant of a single girl searching for a good man

    July 27, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    Rant of a single girl searching for a good man.

  18. raz

    July 27, 2015 at 9:38 pm

    the last time i was the gentle man or the good man. my heart broke beyond pieces

  19. www.aprokotoons.com

    July 30, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Na everyday woman dey discover herself.. weda she read book or not..e no matter. As long as she dey try to be correct woman for her man. Oyibo call am ladddyyy “in fela voice” it take correct woman to Sabi correct better gentleman. Some women dey shout say gentle. Bobo no dey..but if you slap dem with correct bobo..dem not go fit recognised am. My own b say..read book to better yourself morally and otherwise and be true to urself…correct gentle bobo no dey fall from sky..dem dey everywhere..open your eyes well. Dem no b spirit. As you dey find coreect gentle bobo na so gentle bobo dey correct gentle sisi

  20. Contributor

    July 31, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    Hi,

    I would like to contribute an article. How can I send this in?

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