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Girl Spice: Boo, Meet Me Halfway

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I am not married; never have been, either.  I would love to be though… one day soon too.
I would want to do it right. I have lots of married friends and sometimes they tell me things. I have come to know that the choice of who you spend eternity with should not depend only on those flurry and tingly feelings.

This is not news. I bet you’ve heard this a million times. One thing I think is critical, is marrying someone that can meet you half way. Someone that would want to understand why you have to have a book in your face while you eat.

Why you don’t think it’s a big deal to let your friend rub your baby bump.
My friend once told me about the “YOU SOUP”. The You Soup represent our lives and the ingredients that make up the soup are the experiences in our lives that makes us who we are.
A typical Egusi soup for instance will have the regular ingredients that we know e.g melon, palm oil etc. However, the cook might just add a secret ingredient which nobody knows about.

That secret ingredient will have an effect on how that soup turns out eventually.
That, is like our lives. Everyone has a secret ingredient.

We are who we are based on the experiences that we have
Sometimes it’s hard for others to see things from our point of view or do things the way we do. Because, their “YOU SOUP” is different.

Marriage most times brings people from two entirely different backgrounds to live together, so definitely there will be friction at some point on some issues.

For instance, in my house there are no closed doors. We walk in and out at will, even with my parent’s room. So I will likely leave doors open when I get married.

If I happen to get married to someone that was brought up in a house where doors must be closed and privacy is respected, then we are bound to disagree on that.

This brings us to the whole purpose of this gist here: “COMPROMISE”
Don’t expect me to close doors every time. I will try to as much as I can, but there will be times when I will forget. DON’T GET MAD.

I have seen a woman try to change everything about herself just to please her man – change the way she walks, change the way she cooks, change the way she places the table mat just because that is what he is used to.

It’s beautiful that you want to try but the truth is you cannot sustain it.
You will keep giving and giving and sacrificing until one day you will explode.

What is key is meeting each other halfway. Bending your rules as much as the other person is bending too.
Settle for in-between.

One of the worst things to happen to anyone, in my opinion, is to marry someone you cannot negotiate with. For some spouses, when it’s a “NO” that’s the end of it. Some people scurry and cower around their spouses. For me this is wrong on all counts.

Respect? Yes, but fear NO! NO! NO!
I hate it when people think they can come into my life and “FIX” me to be how they want.

If you cannot tolerate my bad side, it’s best you walk, there is no trying to fit me to your taste.

I am not perfect. Neither are you.
Learn me as I learn you and maybe one day you will see life through my eyes.
In a way that you haven’t imagined.
Meet me half way there…

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Girls spice is a girl like any other single girl living and working in the nation’s Capital. She believes in love. Not just any kind of love, the type you see in fairytales. She considers herself an incurable romantic and writes anonymously on https://dairyofanincurableromantic.wordpress.com

18 Comments

  1. Vee

    January 5, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Nice piece…off to share

    • Single in Lagos

      January 5, 2017 at 8:03 pm

      The person I need to share this with definitely won’t see this. My beautiful, hot and sexy friend is married to a high profile politician. She smokes, drinks and loves to party. She’s been married for close to 10 years and its all lies around him all day long. He doesn’t know she smokes, she comes to Lagos to party behind closed doors like a wild animal and then heads back to her village to wear her headscarf and that long thing, whatever they call it (no offence but I can’t remember the name). She smokes like a chimney when she’s here and drinks like a fish. I don’t know whether this is to drown her sorrows for marrying a rich man she can’t be herself around or whether she’s trying to catch up for days lost while she’s in the village. The other day I was in the salon and the woman next to me kept saying her ‘didi’ wasn’t flat enough, low and behold it turns out her husband still doesn’t know all her hair is not her hair, if you know what I mean. There are a lot of women married to men who don’t really know them. I don’t know what the answer is to these false representations but I do know that a lot of women are willing to do whatever it takes to get off the shelf and over to Mrs and if that means keeping up a farce then so be it. Probably explains why I’m still single.

    • Tell me

      January 5, 2017 at 11:24 pm

      I LOVE YOU!!!!

  2. Sevenade

    January 5, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    This is an interesting article. It reminds me of my service year. I had to share a room with someone whose personality was totally different from mine. He was a churchy guy and I was not. I am a staunch christian, but I don’t carry christianity on my head and I made him understood that. He likes to pray out loud, and that’s one thing that ticks me off. He hates secular music. He doesn’t even like meaningful and inspirational secular songs like R.Kelly’s Storm is Over, Josh Groban You Raise me Up, etc. He’s so anti-secular music that if a song is not about God or Jesus, he won’t listen to it, and he would feel greatly offended if someone plays it out loud in his presence. He has no qualms about asking neighbours for food when he is hungry, but I’d rather starve to death than ask anyone for food. My problem with him asking neighbours for food was: they always assumed that since we are roomates, we eat together. So they always give him food for two. When we were little, my mother always warned us not to eat outside, and I grew up not eating out. He likes to leave the door wide open, while I’d rather die of heat, than leave the door open. For peace to reign, we had to learn about each other’s dos and don’ts and cut back on certain things. I love to play music very loud, but throughout my service year, I had to learn to use a headphone. He stopped praying very loud, and whenever he opened the door, he made sure the curtain covered the entrance. I was able to gave up on certain things becoz I said to myself “you are going to stay with this guy for just one year. Try as much as possible to live in peace.” A wife is an entirely different ball game. I can’t stop doing certain things for the rest of my life because I’m married. I can play music for 24hrs. Even when I’m asleep. Music relaxes me and helps me think. Few people like to play music the way I do. I don’t want a woman that will meet me half way. I want a woman that loves the things I love. There’s a woman out there that behaves just like me I believe.

    • Jessy

      January 5, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      I’m sorry dear but you will never meet someone that sees everything in life exactly as you do. Even identical twins don’t. However you can choose the things you know you can never compromise on and find a spouse that likes those things. That is what they call compatibility. If you think you can have 100% and will never have to compromise then you are not ready to marry. You disagree with your siblings on some issues how much more someone raised in another household. In the other hand, if you get a spouse that will do everything exactly how you want it, resentment will definitely set in someday.That is what happens when only one party compromises, only one party ends up happy,the other resentful.

    • Tosin

      January 7, 2017 at 2:33 am

      Lovely story.

  3. EJ

    January 5, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    My ex needs to reads this, Chia I was dating him out of fear, I had no voice n if I did he must counter n he tried to change me

  4. Sisi

    January 5, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    This is important and it goes both ways. Not just for woman and it is not a matter of just ‘managing’. When you know there is a bigger picture – that is oneness and you are operating under love not stubbornness, ego, competition. It’s easier to do when the two of you are doing it together, when one starts to slack resent will surely start to settle in. I am glad you still believe in that fairy tale love, I am not sure that I do anymore.

  5. Rozay

    January 5, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    Basically this is what life and relationships is about, how long are we ready to go to make things work between us and other people.
    In relationships. The yorubas will say if one person is the goat (stubborn and strong headed) the other should be the sheep ( calm and reserved), to make the relationship work properly. So which one of the two are you ready to be?

  6. Hmnnn

    January 5, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    Nice article.
    But on the other hand what if they pretend!
    My ex hubby would even call my sisters aunty and will ask him not to. He would tell long tales about he loved my family and an ambitious woman.
    3yrs down the line he made the house hell and would not even want my family around for mere visits. I later stumbled on pics of my salary and job contract with my earning’s on his phone, without telling me. He was monitoring me so bad and pretended for so long! My point is prayer is key too, some people pretend a lot . For several reasons best known to them. God help us !

  7. gbaskelebo evolving

    January 5, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    I don’t know about meeting half way or trying to compromise, I just know we come with our “luggage” and when we open the box and the different attitudes starts flying out we open a new luggage to contain them from both sides called the “family luggage” and our individual luggage gradually gets emptied (evolves) into the family luggage, then as time goes by we decide which habit, character or attitude comes out of the family luggage as one acceptable by all . Since a promise for life has been made (marriage) we make it work, it is never defined from the beginning or you come in with a preset mind, all that is needed is a bit of truth, sincerity and loyalty! Now this is out of this discuss (Edegbe line from Lagos (Ajah) to Benin is 3K = 4k, while God is Good Motors for same route booking online is 5k+ and directly 6k+ why nau….???? God is Good Motors should please “Fear God”! )

    • bree

      January 6, 2017 at 10:55 am

      u can’t compare God is good to Edegbe, it is like comparing iphone 7 to Nokia Lumnia. i’d rather travel with a transport line that won’t make me feel like a cargo passenger and makes my comfort her priority over a token more. do u know there are security checkpoints in like 2 states before ur final destination, forgotten what they call the team. their services can’t be compared. its like blackcurrant and Zobo

    • gbaskelebo evolving

      January 6, 2017 at 6:07 pm

      Chairman are you sure of what you are saying with respect to “cargo passenger” I dare say God is good motors is worse off… if only Bella Naija would allow it I would have snapped pictures and posted it here so your claim of comfort can be checked, asking passengers in the middle of the road if the journey is going well does not justify the fact that the driver (captain) won”t drive rough… As I have experienced in some cases, I am not here to talk about your customer experience management, I am talking about your fair it is “EXORBITANT” do something about it! you are not a monopoly yet! dont drive us away! either it is iphone 7 or Nokia 3310 their basic function is call and sms, which both can do!

    • gbaskelebo evolving

      January 6, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      *fare

  8. olorificent

    January 6, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    This article just helped me understand my life and marriage, i love music, i love to dance, i love movies(can watch movie all day), i love walking naked or half naked at home, i love sleeping naked my hubby knows all of it and more before we got married and suddenly after marriage, he complains i watch movie a lot, he complains of my walking around too naked or half naked(who does that), my family hardly visits and anytime they come visiting, he shows attitude die even to my mum,now nobody come visiting not even friends, he complains about my being active on social media complain complain complain complain complains upon complain in an abusive way( IBADAN MAN ). At a point i lost my life in my marriage, am only happy when am at work, the last time i went to see a movie was when i was single(2years ago), i was beaten up when i went to visit my sister because i came back 9:30pm. he promised i will continue my education after marriage(he never talked edu not to talk of cation)
    Most times when he complain about this things, i wonder why he propose marriage then?guess he was cunning and interested i have a good income(work in a bank).
    Not that i didn’t see all this signs while dating then but i didn’t listen to mom, sisters advise and i thought he was protecting me(11years age difference)
    But this year am getting my freedom. I might regret some things later, like the saying that is not easy to be a single mother but i know i will be a happy 25years old lady,I will do the things i love i will pursue my dreams and be successful

    My marriage is a scam, he does not want to compromise,meet half way… he want to control all and be in charge.

    • Tosin

      January 7, 2017 at 2:41 am

      You sound like a fun person.
      (then I read to the end and learned you were freeing yourself. I’m a little sad to hear that but hey, do what you need to do…say no to life imprisonment. The reason I’m sad is I wish it was different, that the easygoing and the controller could live in harmony maybe see the sources/origins of each-other’s attitudes and come to love and appreciate and affect each other, but it is really fu*ing hard abeg, and it makes sense to quit and avoid the pain. Please be kind and generous even after quitting – that’s all. He’s just different from you, not really a bad person. )

    • Abeg

      January 8, 2017 at 9:47 am

      @Tosin, I disagree that “He’s just different from you, not really a bad person.” Did you not read that he beat her up when she visited her sister and returned a little late? In addition this man has not let her finish her education and does not like her family visiting! That is abuse.
      Any man that beats his wife is not a good person period!

  9. Mo'Diva

    January 6, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    Awwww pele dear

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