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Peculiar Okafor: Rules For Dealing with Different Categories of Jealousy



We’re all used to scenarios like these:

An older relative/friend gives you advice on a behavior you need to change and you shrug it off as beef.

Songs by musicians claiming they are suceeding despite the ‘haters’.

You open your single mouth and say your friend’s significant other is cheating, of course you’re jealous afterall you’re single.

Jealousy/beef/hate are words that I wish could be banned from our everyday lingo…or at least regulated; because I am of the opinion that they are barriers to people giving and receiving honest feedback. My friends, however, have divergent opinions

‘Peculiar, you say this because you haven’t experienced it. People don’t want anything good to happen to you. They can be jealous’ I always wonder though, if everyone has haters, who are the haters?

So I had to agree that jealousy does exist. But to avoid calling innocent people haters, there should be rules to guide us so we don’t break off otherwise healthy relationships.

So I have been drawn up rules of jealousy to serve as guidelines and checklist for three groups of people.

  • Those who believe people are jealous of them – The ‘beefed’.
  • Those who are jealous of other others – The ‘beefers’
  • Those accused unfairly of being jealous when they really aren’t – The ‘accidental beefers’

Rules For Those Being Beefed

  • Be honest with yourself and decide if there is a reason for people to beef you. If all your friends are ‘better’ or on the same level with you, chances are low, that they are jealous of you.
  • Be sure you don’t have a character issue. Some people behave poorly and interpret others reaction to their negative behaviour as jealousy.
  • Be sure you don’t interpret people being jealous of you as a mark of success. For some people it’s a sign of success to have ‘haters’; so when the haters are absent, their imagination creates them
  • Be sure you really understand the emotions and reactions of those around you. So your friend didn’t seem too excited when you got that new stuff, maybe she was happy for you but had such a tough day and so didn’t have the strength to show her happiness.
  • Question your need to be friends with someone who is jealous of you. The first murder in the Bible, na jealousy cause am oh. So if you’re sure your friend is jealous of you,why are you guys still friends? Is it because you enjoy riling him/her up or you’re not strong enough to leave people detrimental to your life? Or does a part of you know he/she isn’t jealous of you? If you are sure someone is jealous of you, create a distance.

Rules For Those Who Feel the Need to Beef

  • Count your blessings and live your life. If you look closely at your life, you will find a lot to be thankful for. If you are also living an authentic life, you will find a lot that would take up your time. It’s really difficult to be jealous of others when you’re busy living your life and being thankful for what you have, there’ll be no time to ‘beef’ anyone.
  • Be open about your feelings to God. They say you can’t stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop it from building a nest. When the little pangs of Jealousy comes, be honest to God in prayer.

Rules For Those Accidental Beefers

  • Give your accuser the benefit of doubt.
  • Ask yourself if you broke some unwritten rules. We all have them: ‘If you don’t tell me about your boyfriend even though I tell you about mine, you must be jealous’. ‘If you don’t nominate me for the office awards regardless of whether or not you think I’m the most qualified, you must be a jealous person’.

Ask yourself if you’ve broken any of these rules and if you have, decide whether or not you’ll break them again. Some people just have funny rule books different from ours.

  • Evaluate the friendship. How close is this person? Do you really want to have a close relationship with someone who can easily call you a jealous person? Does your friend just have oral diarrhoea…saying things they don’t really mean? If the latter is the case, shrug it off or at best, tell your friend how you feel.

You have it guys, the rules of jealousy. Here’s what I really think: three quarters of those who claim to have haters actually have character flaws and are in denial of the obvious truth.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Iraterekh

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it. She blogs at Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook ''


  1. Wayema

    July 27, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Peculiar why don’t you write here often. I always look forward to your posts. This is beautiful

    • Peculiar Okafor

      July 27, 2015 at 6:18 pm

      Wow darling, thanks. As to why I don’t write often?, maybe it’s cos there’s no deadline. ‘Write-ups extend to fill the time allocated’

      Maybe, I’ll consider a weekly column like ‘TGIF with Peculiar’ ‘Intelligent Peculiar lessons from the week’, ‘Peculiar’s faffing cos the boss isn’t looking’ ………

      @ Bella, a weekly Friday column (yay?, nay?). *I’m sure nobody noticed how I’ve stylishly begged for a regular column*.

      Thanks for the comment darling Wayema, have a blessed weekend.

    • Atoke

      July 27, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      Lol We noticed. It has been duly noted.

  2. Unique

    July 27, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    i will like to write too for BN, perhaps im late to fill the form.

    jealousy exists in different forms and shades. Like you said there is no need to be jealous for whatever, Life does not only consists of things.

    be thankfull for whatever you have, like the bible said * what do you have that you have not recieved*

    when something good is happening in your neighbourhood, it means it is coming your way too soon. Be happy for others success and acheievements.

  3. Unique

    July 27, 2015 at 6:48 pm

    Dear BN I will to write here too tho, cant believe imm practically begging here, lolz.

    I hv a lot of writeup here on my lappy and jotting pad just lying fallow.
    Motivational, Inspirational and Physcological development is my strong point sha. any slot available?

  4. Duchess Maria

    July 27, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    LOL, Peculiar I like you so I definitely wouldn’t mind a weekly column but please note that you have big shoes to fill *cough* Isio *cough.
    This article is so on point. People always claiming to have awon haters and beefers oya come and learn o

    *observing with my Fanta and chinchin*

    • Peculiar Okafor

      July 28, 2015 at 8:17 am

      Darling, Isio Abi, a lovely writer and correct fashionista. We all look forward to her on Tuesdays, just as we look forward toToke on Mondays.

      It’s like this though. I’ll write my own stories, my own way for the love of the art for the audience designed to love me. No competition, the sky (or in this case Bella Naija) is wide enough.

      Thanks for the compliments too dear.

  5. @edDREAMZ

    July 27, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
    Why do i feel yu are speaking more to the ladies…..?? Guys hardly jealous each other though….

  6. Unique

    July 27, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    where did they comments fly to @BN, issokai.

    perhaps smone dnt like my face, its permitted.
    my comment doesnt add or reduce my personality anyway.

    • Tope

      July 27, 2015 at 10:27 pm

      Please, why do you do this on every post? sometimes it take a while for bella naija to upload comments

  7. Unique

    July 27, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    where are my comments o, hmmm BN this aint fair o

  8. hauwa

    July 28, 2015 at 5:37 am

    @Unique, “not a hater /beefer” but I must tell u ds. What’s ur problem??? BN probably didn’t single ur comment out to be omitted… Be patient, it takes a while sometimes. Also, u have a lot of work to do on ur diction, grammar, writing style and personal attitude to pass as a BN writer. Shikena.

  9. Unique

    July 28, 2015 at 8:41 am

    @hauwa, i just check by now and saw all my comments all about, really upset at myself. thanks for the constructive swipe, will surely build on that. thanks very much

    apology to BN and all BN commenters, this is unlikely of me. i promise to be well behaved commentarily. Love y’all

  10. Minka

    July 28, 2015 at 9:58 am

    I was going to ask what’s Peculiar about Okafor until I read about. you at the end of the article. That’s queer in a good way I must say. Reminds me of Happy Gilmore, it made me wonder until I watched the
    Anyway, this is my first time here so pardon me. Above all, I love this article and the well stated rules. Keep it up!

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