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Isio Knows Better: Who Has The Rights to an Unplanned Baby?

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IMG_80361Okay, so I heard this gist a few years ago. This guy and this girl were having a side situationship. The lady was 29, the guy was 33 and both were unmarried, even though the guy had this long-distance on-off relationship which he described as “it’s complicated”. So, these two decided to be each other’s snack on the side.

They had been friends for about two years, but somehow their feelings went from platonic to hedonistic. They never quite got to the romantic, and they were fine with that. After all, both were successful, young and beautiful and decided to enjoy the pleasures of a relationship without the responsibilities and wahala of one.

That is, until the lady became scarce, and the guy started wondering why. For the period of a month, she wasn’t available for their uncomplicated gbenshing sessions. It was a period of unexplained drought. And when the drought ended and they had quenched their thirsts, they guy asked what that was about, and she replied offhandedly…

“Oh, it’s nothing… Turned out I was pregnant, but I took care of it, you have nothing to worry about.”

“But, what, what…” sputtered the man in confusion “You were … pregnant? Mine?”

“Yep”. She rolled out of the bed and grabbed a bottle of water to rehydrate.

“You didn’t tell me?” his voice had risen several octaves “And wait, wait, wait… what do you mean you took care of it?” His eyes narrowed further, “Did you have an abortion?”

“Yes, I did. I mean, it’s a baby. We are always so careful, but somehow, it happened. You have been clear from the beginning about how you can’t commit to this, because you have a complicated thing going on. Besides, I didn’t think you would want it, so I got an abortion… why are you upset?”

He just stared at her. All he could say was, “I can’t believe you got rid of it without telling me…”

And that was how the situationship pafuka-ed. The girl never understood why he got upset since she figured he wouldn’t have wanted the child any way. The guy got upset because he felt she should have told him FIRST – to give him a chance to decide whether or not he wanted the baby.  The girl responded that his annoyance was not about the child, but the fact that she only didn’t give him a chance to rubbish her just because she was pregnant. The guy couldn’t understand how she could be so cold, and want them to go back to normal.

I heard the gist from the guy, and he wanted to know my take on the matter.

Nna mehnnnnnn. This matter… odikwa hard to judge. I no even fit put mouth sef, because I can understand where both parties are coming from.

Let us cut right to it; abortion is bad, fornication is a sin, and abstinence is best… yes, yes, yes, we know. But, unto the matter of unplanned babies, which does happen a lot Who owns the rights? I would say both, in an ideal world filled with ideal circumstances. But, our world is far from ideal, and circumstances are sometimes far from ideal. What happens if one party decides they don’t want to keep an unplanned baby and not tell you? What happens if one party decides they do want it and keep it and not tell you?

Back in the day, long, long time ago, *wink*, one guy was toasting me sha. And you guys know me na, I am a sharp shooter with my very direct questions like, Do you have/have you at any time had HIV, Staphylococcus, Gonorrhoea or any kain kraw-kraw? And, Do you/ have you at any point had a child/baby mama? And last but not the least… Have you ever experimented with a member of the male specie? No judgements of course, but me no like any kain surprise. [Anyway, we covered these topics in Background Checks].

So, that was how me I was asking o, he too asked me his own. Number One, he passed… okay, no shakin’. So me con fayah am number two question, the bros con chillllllllllllllllll, con carry water drink…

I was like, wattapun? Ezz not hot. Why you carry water dey swallow am like say you follow Moses dey waka come from Egypt. I look am well, well… No be joke o. Bros don dey sweat.

He adjusted his tie and said something under his breath… It sounded like, “I think I have a son…”

Ehen. I did not hear it well… Ogbeni, please talk am out. LOUDER plix.

Hohohohoohooo! In my mind I was doing the African Mother’s see-me-see-trouble clap. PIKINS?! So you are telling me now that you have a-pikins? What do you mean you think? It’s either you have or you don’t. Abi is it a spiritual pikins? HA! ME I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR SPIRITUAL BATTLE O!

And then, the ogbeni told me how it happened and I felt instantly sorry for him. When im dey obodo-oyinbo in his twenties, he had this spring-fling with one fine oyinbo geh. [Na so im talk am]. After spring-break had ended – nine months later he got a random call from said girl. She informed him quite succinctly that she had successfully delivered their baby. That she wanted nothing from him, herself and her family would take care of the little boy – so he didn’t have to worry, nor did he have to be involved. That was it. She said her piece to a flabbergasted ogbeni and hung up on a flabbergasted ogbeni.

She sent him a post-card; of herself and the baby sleeping snuggly in her arms. She changed her number and disappeared.

OUUUUUU, GIRL. That’s cold mehnnnnnn. That is so cold, even hell-fire will give you an upgrade. WHOOOOOOOOOT?!

Recalling the story, the ogbeni’s eyes became misty. Me sef carry water drink like say I follow Moses waka come from Egypt. I tell am sorry. Wetin pesin wan talk unto this matter wey get weight so? Wahala dey ground… I kennat fit to shout.

So, I throw it to you guys, who has the rights to an unplanned baby? A baby conceived unintentionally, where the parents either did not use contraception, or used it, and it failed.

Have you been in situation A or B? What did you do? Why did you do it sef? And biko, gist us… how exxally did this matter of accidental baby happen?

*grabbing my pop-corn and Ribena*

Who no like sweet gist? 

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

109 Comments

  1. oluwagbohunmi

    November 3, 2015 at 9:13 am

    Like you said in an ideal world, both party should make the decision but the world is not an ideal one. I will be gender biased about it, the decision should to a large extent be taken by the female because she is the one most likely to bear the consequences.

    2
  2. Ladybird

    November 3, 2015 at 9:15 am

    both of them are a MESS!!!when you play with fire prepare to get burnt!SMDH

    • oyindee

      November 3, 2015 at 10:06 am

      Those that leave in glass house should not throw stones,don’t always be so quick to condemn,neversaynever….My two cents

  3. Dr. N

    November 3, 2015 at 9:16 am

    Of course the man has the right to know you are pregnant. You made the baby together. That a woman carries the womb is a privilege that should not be abused.
    On another note, people should be fanatical about protection. The things we see in the hospital are not pretty. If u r too shy to insist on a condom, u r too immature to be having sex. I know they r not 100% effective but at all at all na him bad pass.

    2
    • Tari

      November 3, 2015 at 12:39 pm

      I wonder why a comment like this does not have 1000 likes?
      I am shouting myself hoarse over my condom preaching. STDs will kill this generation o. We really need to stop all this raw sex. It is worrying how people messing with their lives.

  4. oma

    November 3, 2015 at 9:26 am

    Oh dear I was in a rship with a 37 year old guy ,we ve talked abt marriage and all that, I told him I was pregnant after one year of been together , only for him to tell me has two kids from two different women my world crashed, he never said anytn even when I asked *nd snooped, he insisted that I shld take care of it. D shock no be here . Its well

  5. Olufunmi

    November 3, 2015 at 9:29 am

    Oh Isio,,,,,,,how i love u. I laughed my ass off reading this. Well, unplanned pikins na big matter ooo and it is fair to carry the other party along no matter the circumstances and decisions made. Make me sef follow drink water cos i followed all the case study like say i dey waka come from Egypt.

  6. Kelechi

    November 3, 2015 at 9:35 am

    The situation is somehow, Tbh I don’t think the guy would have given her a warm reception if she told him about the baby before the abortion. Be that as it may, I still think the lady should have let him know about the pregnancy and act upon whatever reaction he gets from the man.
    Earlier this year during my NYSC, I met this lady in camp, and immediately I knew I wanted sth more, but my plan to get her to be posted in Asaba where I already pre-planned to be posted, didn’t quite work out, as she was posted to Effurun. But I was able to convince her to come over to Asaba and I made the much needed impression, to get her on my side………”You the rest of the story”…….

    She got pregnant, and I wasn’t ready for that, and my reaction was a bit bizarre, But I made the necessary arrangement for the abortion and I would say I appreciate the fact that she told me, as I don’t like shying away from my responsibility. Although I didn’t make a honest woman out of her, I did feel less remorse by doing what I can. I would have felt bad if she denied me the opportunity to act upon the situation.
    But the dynamic would have been different, if the pregnancy happened now, as I am financially stable. Basically if you are in this situation, tell the man and act upon what is best for you after hearing his perspective, as an un-ready man today, might be a ready man tomorrow. “Ikuku kuo afu ike okuko”

    • Austar

      November 3, 2015 at 10:44 am

      So in other words, you and said girl are no longer together right? After having an abortion for you? SMH

    • Kelechi

      November 3, 2015 at 11:37 am

      Well for what it’s worth she left me. She felt I didn’t love her enough to marry her. She felt since I have a place of my own and a business that am doing, why wouldn’t I want to settle down. But the truth is that it was all packaging at that time. Yes I had a business and a comfortable house, but my money wasn’t properly rooted (ogbaro mkporogu). Never knew life was gong to smile upon me so soon.

    • Niola

      November 3, 2015 at 10:54 am

      Kelechi what I am interested in knowing is how you became financially stable in 10-11 months, as earlier this year you were a corper……….

    • Tkum

      November 3, 2015 at 3:31 pm

      Please i concur this question…ask him ooo..smh

    • Ada

      November 3, 2015 at 11:42 am

      I don’t believe what I am hearing, you are happy she told you so that you could help arrange the abortion? How about the girl, what she wanted? What she might have hoped for? What about the health risks associated with abortion (seeing as it is illegal in Nigeria)? How about future regrets? And a conscience burdened by guilt? Your own be say you do your part, arrange aboortion abi? Tufia! Mehn, God forbid men like you o! You are the major reason abstinence is important! Tufia unu!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 3, 2015 at 5:52 pm

      You would be amazed at the sheer amount of relationships in which women have multiple abortions and still stay. I repeat – amazed.

      Like Isio, I also had a male friend confide in me about his relationship (at the time) and he was unbelievably honest regarding the number of abortions that he’s asked his girlfriend to take care of because he wasn’t ready for marraige yet – we’re talking of 3 that I know about and it made me so madddd at him and equally at her but I couldn’t even broach the subject with the babe because we did not roll like that, at all. If we did, I would have told her he wasn’t worth that toll on her body. They got married eventually and had their own child but I maintain that the anuofia and his ring were totally not worth what she had to go through. And today, she’s sadly, no longer alive for other reasons.

      We women just have to stop wasting precious parts of ourselves on men who do not deserve it. Rant over.

      1
    • nwanyi na aga aga

      November 3, 2015 at 12:14 pm

      You see useless boys like this kenechi is the type of boys girls should avoid! ifuro ihe o na akogheri…Ego gi agbaro mkporogwu! smh! Some gists I read and I become angry. After hustling to get her posted to Asaba, the babe would even be thinking its for her own good, not knowing that its for you to gbensh and yarn lyrics of removing the baby..You are even flexing the gist.. You were happy she allowed you take care of your “responsibility” M bu nu “responsibility” of iwepu nwa.. hahahahahaha! uwa nke a ( As in responsibility of removing a baby..This world) O di nma. Kontinue taking care of your “responsibility” o. Jisike! Keep gbenshing women you have no plans of marrying raw inugo? One day your responsibility will change from “removing child from a woman” to “removing a deadly std from yourself”.

    • Devil's Advocate

      November 3, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      You people should stop this o, use a language I can understand kwa. The comment is not for only you nah

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      November 4, 2015 at 8:08 am

      @ Devil’s advocate sorry o, I was so pissed that shouting in Igbo was the only way to let off steam..Loool! but I will translate “ifuro ihe o na akogheri” ( See the nonsense he is saying/telling). Ego gi agbaro mkporogwu ( Your money did not have root).. He had said that his money did not have root at the time. I translated the other remaining sentence.

    • Nuna

      November 3, 2015 at 12:40 pm

      I didnt want to say this but YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. SO IN YOUR MIND, YOU ARE A MAN AND YOU HELPED HER SITUATION BY ARRANGING FOR AN ABORTION??
      MY FREN WEE YOU KEEP KWAYET!!!

    • Nuna

      November 3, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      PLEASE GIRLS BORROW SENSE FROM WHEREVER AND FLEE FROM WORMS LIKE THIS DUDE!

    • PH Boy

      November 3, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      What finances! No baby deserves to be at anybody’s mercy in deciding whether it is going to be delivered or not. Abortion is absolutely selfish and a possible death sentence for any woman. If she loses her womb/ life, the man just moves on. There are multitudes of couples seeking the fruit of the womb and you are here playing the authority over life. Except the baby’s life is threatened, abortion is never an option. Do not take the mercy and grace of the Lord for granted.
      If are ready to eat the food of the gods then you should be ready to dance with them. And for all yee sharp shooters and weak goal keepers, condoms cost as low as N50. Jolly get price o!

    • shut up yall

      November 3, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      Yall should shut up
      what if twas d girl that wanted abortion andnot ready for marriage/baby?
      Yall girls life depends on marriage, marriage and marriage
      so bcos pregnancy came up, they should go and marry?
      what if the girl is using him as a side dick and has her own person she wan marry?
      what if both of them are not ready for commitment

      -Isio’s story, the guy wasn’t happy the girl didn’t tell him, she went to do on her own
      -Some people’s story, the guy will abscond
      -Kelechi’s own, he admitted he was on ground, didn’t abscond and were working together to do the needful and you are here crying.

    • Nuna

      November 3, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      YOU SHOULD SHUT UP FIRST!

    • ROE

      November 3, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      just shut up? Keleshi said his reaction was bizarre abi ou nor sabi read? he wanted abortion?

    • golden

      December 3, 2015 at 6:07 pm

      Seeing that needful is familiar… hope u re not someone I know o… ehehehe

    • Anonymous

      November 3, 2015 at 3:03 pm

      So, you feel you did the right thing by killing a child that didn’t beg you to be conceived? All you these men sticking your things anywhere and not wanting the consequences, I hope you know it will come back to haunt you? I’m married but my father is still suffering the consequences of making a honest woman of my mother, denying the pregnancy, knowing fully well she was young, innocent and foolish. I blame her too but she had me and had to leave me with his family because they wanted ‘their child’ that their son didn’t want. I don’t have a close bond with both of them but I feel compassion and pity for my mother always. Not being allowed to raise your child, being helpless. ………. . I feel no pity towards my father as he never got married, never had the career he was looking for, never did well and I wish the same upon every he goat who messes a girl’s life up like that.

    • shut up yall

      November 3, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      “all you these sticking your things anywhere”
      shut up my friend!
      na inside pot he stick am?
      na inside bottle he stick am?
      no be girl alllow him stick am inside her?
      no be consensual sex?

      When a guy and girl engage in the act (whether it results into pregnancy or not), they do together and enjoyed it together
      if the girl was coerced, she should have pressed charges for rape

    • Me

      November 3, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      So you really think that paying for, taking her to an abortion, is caring for your responsibility? I fear for this generation.

    • Kelechi

      November 4, 2015 at 1:14 am

      I shared my experience to contribute my quota in the write up and not to be judged by you lots. How hard is it to understand that I couldn’t provide for the baby at the moment and I reject all those swear. Haven’t any of you made a mistake in your life? and the funny thing is no one suggested what I should have done in such situation as I wasn’t financially buoyant.
      @Niola I am into electrical parts, I have engaged in this business prior to my service year, as I had to wait a year and 6 months before service. I buy from Onitsha and sell in Asaba, during the second quarter of the year I was able to partner with a colleague and import directly from China and the rest is history….

    • camo

      November 4, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      Kelechi you had no plans of marrying that lady, if you.did you would keep the baby, how much does imego cost? People are not.judging you.for the act, they re judging the lackadaisical way you told the story like a tale by moonlight, no remorse whatsoever, in your mind you did the right thing in your words ” you took care of the responsibility “. How would you feel if you heard another man telling similar story about your sister in such an.off handed careless manner? Thank God the girl developed brain and left you because men like you are full of evil and scaringly you think you have done some good. Go down the comments, didn’t you see others with similar story and no one judged them, read yours again and see why people judged you!

  7. S!

    November 3, 2015 at 9:42 am

    I think 90% rights should be the lady, the guy should just support her decision with his 10%.

    • Rt

      November 3, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      90%? You must be kidding right?

  8. Both

    November 3, 2015 at 9:42 am

    Both parties should make the decision

  9. Isiotalkyourown

    November 3, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Isio abeg talk your own na, I know say na you bring the matter come here but we will like to hear your story too? I propose a vote if this comment exceeds 100likes then please kindly share your story? Atleast for your fans.

  10. Thatgidigirl

    November 3, 2015 at 9:59 am

    so wait o! after the girl aborted the baby, she came back to continue nacking the next month? How is it doing her sef, na food? She can’t cross her legs even small, or isn’t abortion a bit traumatic? That girl is mean meeeehn, and I’m not saying this because of the abortion but she was just so nonchalant about it as if it was her menstrual period. odiegwu

    • whocares

      November 3, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Na food killed me. loool. Isi dahlink, you are back!!1 (well you have been for a while, beht you know na ;p As for this matter, this is where I start forming and claiming that really and truly, I am only, still, just a baby girl…. I am not mashure enough to put mouth here biko. But truly the lady was soo cavalier about it like it was a trip to the shoe maker’s or mechanic. An easy fix and she was back on form.. well sha.

    • Devil's Advocate

      November 3, 2015 at 8:59 pm

      Come to think of it… It’s unlikely it’s the first one she’s done, for her to dispatch it so coldly

  11. oyindee

    November 3, 2015 at 10:04 am

    This matter get weight true true,but at a risk of sounding biased I would say the decision should be the female because trust me she is at the forefront of the consequences,not with the holier than thou Church condemning her,occasional snorts from those yeye aunties and there is the issue of affirming herself that if she tells the man involved and he asks her to leave it,will he plan with her how to take care of the baby?and if so sef those he have the financial capability to do so,I just have a feeling that it’s her call since she will bear the brunch of the consequences

  12. bisisexy

    November 3, 2015 at 10:06 am

    D gal tried sha, I feel sorry for her or mayb d guy is sweet,after having the abortion she still went to grind him, me I will leave d relationship bcos it’s going no where,i sympathise with her,I know it’s bcos she is lonely or hasn’t met d right guy, I always tell ppl fairy tale stories are fabricated,abt d shining armour groom thing, i don’t judge pple’s sexual urges or lives,i hate incest, rape and paedophilia, so long as both parties are willing no wahala.I wrote a comment here telling God to bless me,dat I will build an orphanage or use my cell phone nos to contact any babe dat is pregnant and deosnt know wat to do,u can flash me for counselling or giving the child for care,in future that’s my plan, God gave me the gift of counselling, mayb I should write like isio who knows? Men want sex, but don’t want responsibility, dey mostly just grind and don’t like or love, most married guys, na d gal force dem sleeves,I admire dis cheek for not by forcing d guy to d altar on condition that if he deosnt go she will terminate the pregnancy

  13. Valentina

    November 3, 2015 at 10:12 am

    Hahahahhahah LMAO, isio you’re really talented. You should write a book.

  14. Rrrrrrr

    November 3, 2015 at 10:12 am

    Hmmmmmmmm, I believe the girl has the most right to her body. I know guys who would flip and say all sorts like kill the girl, beat her till she looses the child, make her feel bad till she gets an abortion etc. To avoid this , I for one will not tell the Dude nothing. (Me wey dey find pikin b4, what if that’s the only child I will ever have?) . I will just lock up and raise my child. I might let him know like the white girl did and tell him when the child is of age if he/she wants can come see him. But mehn, after that one pikin na celibacy o.

    • Ifeyinwa Mic

      November 3, 2015 at 6:57 pm

      Interesting point that you raise. When my mom fell pregnant with me my dad encouraged her to get an abortion. He wasn’t ready to be a father and didn’t find my mother suitable for marriage (already had two kids from a previous marriage). My mother not so nicely told my dad that his own mother didn’t abort ANY of her seven kids and that he had no right to tell her to abort me. Fast forward 28 years and I am the apple of my father’s eye. He married but was unable to have more kids with his wife (both were in their 40s on wedding day). So the kids he wanted to abort has turned into his everything. I am his gold (his words) and now he’s begging me for grandkids. Hahaha. I can understand the reasons some women have for abortions. I do think that both parties should discuss the unplanned/unwanted pregnancy but the decision ultimately belongs to the woman. I’m glad my mom didn’t listen to my dad. 🙂

  15. Somtoo

    November 3, 2015 at 10:15 am

    Please what kind of attachment (lol) did isio use in this pic? I have this habit of braiding my hair every december (Instigated by my momma) Please if you know kindly tell me what it is called and like how much it costs. Dont want to be cheated. Thank you.

    As for this story Isio, dunno if you understand igbo
    but here goes my comment – HA BU NDI ARA!

    Dont be angry Isio, still tell me the name of the attachment 🙂

    • Mz Titilitious

      November 3, 2015 at 10:34 am

      its either supreme or noble products

    • Me

      November 3, 2015 at 11:16 am

      I think it is supreme and it is about 1500 naira.

    • Somtoo

      November 3, 2015 at 12:03 pm

      Thank guys. This is what is called kinky right? so kinky attachment by supreme or Nobel? (Too much fixing of weaves)

      Thanks again

  16. patsychy

    November 3, 2015 at 10:20 am

    Isio de la vega….this is a juicy topic….thank God u are back…Back onto the matter……i feel the rights of an unplanned baby gotten from a Situationship should come from the female involved bcos the male might not want commitment but they will wanna see u as a bad girl for not keeping the baby.Men want babies from u but they dont want commitment…..so weneva u find urself in dat kind situation….i advise u take care of it….and if u get liver….tell him and sometimes in rare occassions….they propose but those that have real women in their lives will want the baby and not you…so ladies be advised…..its up to the lady to decide.

  17. DatEnuguChic

    November 3, 2015 at 10:21 am

    Hmmmmm Isio Darl, good to read from you again. Its neither here nor there, but i think women have more right to decide whether to keep the baby or not. A cousin of mine who is on d big side has high BP,plus fibroid found out recently that she was pregnant. Meanwhile lately she had started making little changes to her lifestyle towards weight loss before she found out she was pregnant. Her blood sugar went up immediately cos she had gestational diabetes during her last pregnancy. She quietly went ahead and had an abortion without telling her hubby about the pregnancy nor the abortion because she didnt want to be pressured into keeping the baby considering her many health challenges. She is still on her weight loss journey and intends to have another baby when she’s healthier. Her own case was based on her health and she said to me severally that she’s looking out for herself cos i tried to persuade her to keep the baby. So i guess its an individual decision at last

  18. Winnie

    November 3, 2015 at 10:28 am

    Nne Isio, in my opinion, it is the woman o. Cos when after the said “ordeal”, the man expects she’s on the pill or will be taking a morning after pill to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Most times the guy doesn’t even send how you go about getting/taking the pill (e.g running to virtually all the pharmacies in your hood and panicking when you are told they are out and your heart and head start singing, ghen ghen, with the attendants judging you silently) all he knows is that you should be adult enough to handle stuff like this. So why care when the woman now decides to be adult enough to take care of unwanted pregnancy the way she deems fit.

    • anonymous

      November 5, 2015 at 1:24 pm

      My dear, all my boyfriends buy the pill with me together

  19. Summer

    November 3, 2015 at 10:34 am

    where i come from the mother has a right to do whatever she wants with thee pregnancy ( Including right to give the child up for adoption or abort) not the right to sell the baby.
    However, i think one should tell the ‘Sperm donor” that his soldiers marched and turned into a baby before deciding what to do.

    P.S Abortion is Legal in South Africa

  20. Mz Titilitious

    November 3, 2015 at 10:37 am

    Nice write up! when it comes to a situation like this i feel the guy has the right to know and they should make the decision together either to keep it or not.

  21. Adeola

    November 3, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Isio, what eventually happened between you guys naa? i wanna know 😀

  22. Ann

    November 3, 2015 at 10:42 am

    The woman makes the decision. The woman is going to carry that baby for 9 months, in Nigeria where nothing is set up to force a man to pay child support most unmarried pregnant women are truly on their own, the sneers, the “my son cannot marry a second hand woman oh”, if you’re in school you might have to stop for the time being, everyone treating you like you climbed yourself and became pregnant. 99% of the consequences are reaped by the woman so why shouldn’t it be her decision? Please, her body, her decision.

  23. Frances

    November 3, 2015 at 11:00 am

    I am currently 5weeks gone for an only child who z in his mid thirties….. I took the emergency pill…yet it didnt work. We plan on having the baby and by God’s grace it ll all work out. He plans on seeing ma people soon. Never knew i ll end up wif him….to think that a car tyre made us cross paths…..am still in shock. He is so caring but i had to inform him 1st….we both did the deed….i guess he has a right ‘help’ decide cos in the end….its my body dat will go tru the pain. Wish me luck guys……having a baby will lead me to a different path in life entirely……i pray i am making the right decision as a young woman nd soon-to-be married lady….

  24. chee

    November 3, 2015 at 11:02 am

    All ye opening mouth and closing,like DR N rightly said u all should be responsible enough to protect yourselves ooo and d best bet remains abstinence because if you work in a hospital like I do and dispense drugs to HIV Patients,u’ll understand say AIDS no dey show for face,i’ve seen so much that i’m scared for people and I pity all who sleep around #catwalking away#

  25. larz

    November 3, 2015 at 11:02 am

    I think in trying to come across as hardcore we become hardened and unfeeling. Yes, there is a certain risk that the man you are in bed with wont be there for you. But you owe it to yourself and to your child especially to give him an opportunity to be a part of the child’s life.

    Another way about this is to discuss what will happen if and when you get pregnant. Mr A will find out Ms B’s view on abortion and Ms B will know if Mr A doesn’t wanna know about it.

  26. yeyeperry

    November 3, 2015 at 11:03 am

    At the beginning of the year, I got a new job and moved from Lagos to PH. a few weeks after the move I started experiencing some ‘funny’ symptoms, so I took a home pregnancy test and tested positive. I called Boo to let him know what I had found out. All he said was it is well. a few minutes later I got a text ‘I am happy about the baby but I cant promise commitment’ that was the beginning of problems in that relationship. He started ignoring my calls, didn’t call, became extremely irritable and changed from the loving man I used to know. I was lucky, Bestie advised me to go to the hospital and do proper tests, I tested negative. Before I found out it was negative, i already made up my mind to have the baby and never have anything to do with Oga anymore. I just didn’t want to have a child with a hostile man who didn’t want me. Altogether it wasn’t a good experience but it was an eye opener.

    • Tari

      November 3, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      Next time use a condom.
      It saves lots of issues.

    • Somtoo

      November 3, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      Like condom doesnt break. Better abstain n save yaself all these headaches. On the celibacy train and loving it. i dont have high bp over any one or unnecessary heartache. My body and spirit is intact. Any guy wants to walk away from me cos i said no sex, darling, i give them transport fare to aid hasty their departure.

      To each his/her own.

      For me, i preach ZIPUP!

    • yeyeperry

      November 3, 2015 at 2:02 pm

      Another lesson I learnt… contraceptives fail!

    • whocares

      November 3, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      @Somtoo – chup knuckles.. every-time one of my friends panics about “missed periods” I just laugh. I have decided that until I am financially and emotionally capable of dealing with the consequences then the legs shall remain closed.. Body no be wood so the abstinence train iz not easy and truth be told, it is difficult to abstain if you are with a guy you have developed feelings for, but the lort is our strength sha. Condoms are not foolproof to prevent pregnancies. ladies should get implants or pills or whatever works for them in addition to getting their man to properly “suit up”. To each his own, so I do not even preach to people to abstain. If you are capable and can bear the cost- emotionally, financially should it come down to it, then carry go.
      ps: eranko ni omo Kelechi yen. Did I not say it before? eranko lasan lasan ikeji aja (lool. I have always found this insult to be funny.. aja is also an eranko now? or am I saying it wrong?) .. strolls back to work.

    • Tari

      November 3, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      @Somtoo, abstinence is the best. As much as I preach condoms, i never had sex until I got married. I understand that most people have sex outside wedlock, hence the condom sermon.
      @whocares, missed periods is minor compared to STDs. Forget that story of broken condoms. It is a very rare occurrence. Study has shown that most people who claim broken condoms did not use any at all.

    • anon

      November 4, 2015 at 11:44 am

      I have not only had torn condoms. I have also had bunched up inside somewhere. Now you can say it wasnt done properly. But in the excitement of it all, mistakes happen.

    • Swizzey

      November 3, 2015 at 11:08 pm

      May GOD reveal the true nature of those we think love us, i’m sure in your wildest dreams you thought your boo was the “One”…But alas, his true intentions and feelings for you were brought out of the recess of his heart and into the open for you to see. I’m sure you can draw a lot of experience from this..on a final note. pls…keep the sex on hold until wedding night.

  27. Diesel

    November 3, 2015 at 11:21 am

    He who wears the shoes knows where it pinches , d fact remains that if u ve been sweet , nice and responsible in a relationship there is no way an African girl ll not let u known she is pregnant 4 u b4 taking any step, but in a situation where u’ve been acting inresponsible and nonchalantly no body will wait for your sorry ass b4 deciding what is best 4 their life. Most guys these days want 2 eat their cake & ve it, by wanting u to be baby mama and a when they are ready 4 marriage they go ahead & marry someone else, so what happen to a lady / girl in this situation. In my opinion a lady is in the best position to decide.

  28. Las

    November 3, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Interesting write-up.

    In matters of the heart or any matter concerning such, one size never fits all, so I do not think there is a straightforward answer to this issue. I think a case by case evaluation would have to happen.

    Having said that, anyone having sex without any form of contraceptive should know pregnancy is likely and should be prepared for the consequences. Fighting over something which could have easily been avoided is not only irresponsible but is also a form of madness in my book.

  29. liz

    November 3, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    Isio I already used style style tell my bf say if “cd” fuckup and I end up pregnant.
    1) if he should just give me small attitude like this he is not going to hear from me till delivery I ll disappear. No to abortion.
    2) he should not expect me to be running up and down for his help or that of his family.
    3) I have been prepared for this kinda situation since I started having sex .(everybody should)
    4) if marriage is still in the cards. Ll be because of me not cos I have a baby and definitely not during pregnancy.
    5) I might sound unrealistic or harsh but I wont allow any man to become king kong or ridicule me over my/our child.

    • Que

      November 3, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      This is not unrealistic or harsh, it is grown and responsible! we should all be prepared for the consequences of our choices…. man or not! But don’t disappear biko, just live your life…some people need a little while to catch up to the impact of such news…

  30. Tari

    November 3, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    People need to use condoms more often.
    STDs is killing this our generation.
    Forget all this unplanned pregnancy talk.

  31. Oluchi

    November 3, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Kelechi you just made my bile rise!!! #RubbishToYou

  32. lala

    November 3, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    The babe did the right thing. Its a case of who gets there first. I may tell him before or after but what he says wouldn’t matter.

    ….And @ Kelechi – what a horrid person you are. The only reason you wanted to know was to reject the babe and to tell beer parlour stories about it.

  33. Noms

    November 3, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    Oniovo, you wan keyy me with laff @spiritual pikins
    I have never been in this situation but the one i found myself was when le boo of of few months said his ex was pregnant for him.
    Lemme go back and read comments.
    This article just made my day after a depressing news-biz wise

    • Agro

      November 3, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      Is he still Le boo?? I was happy for you when you told us you met him through his aunt and he said he likes his women mature?? Chaii!! E-hugs boo..

    • Noms

      November 3, 2015 at 9:22 pm

      @Agro, thanks boo…e hugs.
      He has been ex-ed , after careful consideration, I nor get the energy for the baby mama drama.

  34. Apinke

    November 3, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Isio, make I add small to this your question abeg. Fellow BNers, I present 3 scenarios that I want you to answer who has the rights to the unplanned baby. BN, mbok, allow this my long comment. Nagode, D’alu, Adupe.

    Example 1: Princess who just got a full all-inclusive scholarship to go to the US for her masters, had good bye sex with le’boo 2 days before going, they used a condom oh because they knew what was at stake. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she misses her period in obodo oyinbo. She is all alone in “yankee” without family or friends. From her previous discussions with le’boo, she is sure he will want her to keep the child, but having the child is sure to disrupt all her goals and ambitions. Should she call up le’boo and tell him, or should she just go to Planned Parenthood and get it sorted out. Her scholarship is valid for just that academic session, so no question of deferring her masters program.

    Example 2,: Bobo B and Lady T plan to get married on boxing day and all plans are already in motion. One saturday in October, after having sex, Bobo B steps out to get them drinks and Lady T picks up his phone to continue playing the Candy Crush she was playing before he distracted her. A message pops up while she is playing the game and it is from Besto, Bobo B’s flatmate. Besto sent Bobo a picture of his eggplant, saying how turned on he is thinking about Bobo gbenshing Lady T and how he looks forward to coming home later that night after Lady T has gone so he and Bobo could have sex all night long and watch the sex tape Bobo surreptitiously made of his steamy sessions with Lady T. Besto also says how he will miss spending the nights with Bobo when he gets married adding that he will be looking forward to their planned boys hangout which marriage shouldn’t stop. When Bobo gets back, Lady T shows him the message and without saying a word begins to dress up. Bobo vexes and lashes out at Lady T asking her what right she had to snoop through his phone. Lady T is too dazed to say anything and not getting any response from her, Bobo slaps Lady T and gives her a couple of blows before she is able to escape. Lady T gets home and calls of the wedding. 2 weeks afterwards, Lady T misses her period. She never wants to have anything to do with Bobo again but now she is pregnant. She knows she doesn’t want to have the child. Should she tell Bobo about the pregnancy or just quietly do what she has to do?

    Example 3: 20 year old Sisi K was raped by Captain T, her classmate when she went to return a textbook she borrowed from him. She didn’t report to the authorities seeing as it was second semester of her final year. She just resolved to put the incident behind her, complete her Project and exams and just graduate. She actually got out her calendar on getting back to her room and was convinced it was her safe period so she figured she couldn’t get pregnant. She thought of STD’s too and just decided to carefully watch for any symptoms and maybe get a through checkup done when she gets home after exams. Mid way through the exams, Sisi begins to feel “one-kain”. Her BFF convinces her to take a pregnancy test and the strip shows 2 red stripes. Sisi is sure the pregnancy is Captain’s as she has been celibate for over 8 months.Her BFF is dating a young doctor at the Teaching Hospital and is sure her boyfriend can help arrange a safe abortion. Should Sisi tell Captain T about the pregnancy or not?

    • Rt

      November 3, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      I’m totally against abortion,so number one and two should face the consequences…as for number three is a tough one…. I feel bad for her,however she need to be blame for not informing the authority when she was raped…People should be bold enough to speak out about rape.

    • Blessedheart

      November 3, 2015 at 4:45 pm

      In the case of rape, she definitely has no obligation towards her rapist. There’s no question about that. For the other scenarios plus the one Isio gave, my only comment is abstinence really saves a lot of trouble.

    • owelle

      November 10, 2015 at 11:17 am

      all three women shouldn’t bother telling the men, IMO.

  35. Nikky

    November 3, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Bna e this world sef, ideal and not so ideal…I think the both party should know, they made the baby together, they should decide the way forward! But this generation, you don’t know what to expect, the guy acting wierd to dodging calls to avoiding you or maybe supporting. The female folks now do whatever that suit them, they might tell you or better still abort it without you knowing, umu Nwoke di njo at times, in all matter, Biko Use Condom!!! STD is real, pregnancy is real. Abortion ain’t a beautiful thing.

  36. Que

    November 3, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    O well well well…. guys like this piss me off… you start a ‘situationship’ stating clearly that there is no future here….. and you want me to think about your opinion in matters involving future….. man GROW THE HECK UP! are you joking right now?!!! Was he angry because he cared enough about her- and maybe the baby, or because he finally realised how disposable he was???

    Biko geh nu nti, you cannot be forming unnecessary vex if a woman you put on ‘is-coming’ decides to make unilateral decisions about such matters…. Now I believe if you have both agreed to be committed to each other and are planning a future, you deserve to know and surely if you are married, woman you owe him that info… Of course it doesn’t guarantee the desired future, but at least the premise of the relationship was one of looking ahead together and assumedly, babies planned or unplanned are a possibility when shagging di involved…

    Personally, I am anti abortion, so if I find myself with an unplanned pregnancy (married or unmarried) na my head e dey FIRST!…I don buy lifelong market be that,…hence my decision to close my legs, cos I don’t have time to be looking for period up and down for now! I have enough to worry about…. Of course, if he wants the child, he is welcome to be in it’s life- I don’t believe in using kids to settle scores, we must work our relationship out and put the kid’s interest first. My hope and prayer is that we are all under one roof as one happily married family.

    As for matter of having rights, I’m assuming you mean parental/custody rights, I don’t know if our constitution says anything about unwed parents, so fighting for right will be down to parties involved, but I believe if you are willing, able, and COMMITTED to raising that child then you should have rights (of access and decision making) to it…. I would hope that parents give each other the chance to participate in the upbringing, whether they are together or not. As for deciding about abortions- I can’t begin to explain the raw anger I feel when any man believes he has the right to coerce any woman into abortion….the best you can hope for is that she wants the same thing if it so happens, otherwise you can leave, and she who could shag and want to keep baby, should find a way to sustain herself and baby.

    Married women biko don’t go and be planning baby on your own without involving the husband o, that’s not nice at all…. you should agree at what point to stop… it’s his future too. My neighbour is dealing with 3kids after discussing and agreeing on one, the wife pretended to agree, and after the 2nd one, they went for family planning options, he went himself to the hospital with her… they agreed on one plan and left only for woman to say she is pregnant after a yr, apparently she stopped the plan without hinting him sef… He’s a responsible somebory, so he calmed down after much irritation, it could have been very different…. make we think these things well… people have absconded for less… some cases deserve fair hearing.

  37. confession time

    November 3, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    I’ll tell my story. I started dating this guy immediately after SSCE, i was 15 at that time and he promised not to touch me till i was matured enough. We chilled till i was 18 before we had sex a year after my mum passed on i fell pregnant. OK so i informed him and he said we should keep the baby, oh my, i didnt want a child at that age plus he was traveling out of the country soon and i couldnt bear the burden of raising a child alone so i refused. He begged and pushed but nah i refused, He asked his best friend to drive me to the hospital for the process and bring me back to his place cos he couldnt bear to do it himself. It was done and i went back to his place where we both cried and cried and consoled each other. His visa got approved and he left the country, we dated for 3 more years before we went our seperate ways due to distance. He is a father now and am a loving wife and mother now. We made a mistake but we corrected it by not making anymore mistakes. thanks to God for forgiving such a stupid sinner like me. Both parties should be involved……

  38. Krasavitsa

    November 3, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    OMG!!! I do not like examples 2 and 3 AT ALL!!! I can taste the bile on my tongue. Eww! Ok both ladies in the last 2 examples should seriously consider abortion. I would! Example 3 happened to my lil’ sis and I can tell you she’s walking around with a very empty uterus and yh the psycho wasn’t aware of the pregnancy. Horrible Captain T!

    • 50 shades of juice

      November 3, 2015 at 7:15 pm

      “Horrible Captain T”….hummm…couldebeee same Captain T…asin Captain Tunde Demuren?…spill more juice abeg….don’t leave us hanging

    • mimi

      November 4, 2015 at 11:25 am

      Ah Ah fear God na. Stop trying to slander anyone or look for things that are not there! Awon aye

    • Krasavitsa

      November 4, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      Lmaooo. No oh. My comment was in reply to @ Apinke’s 3rd example whr “Captain T” aka a nameless rapist, impregnated his victim

  39. please dont judge me

    November 3, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    I was a pastor’s daughter
    He was a pastor’s son
    I was a prude, no sex ed, nothing
    Church taught that “feelings” was “lust”
    No hugs, no kisses
    It was all bad
    But I had feelings for him
    He had strong feelings me
    Was hard to deny
    Feelings led to light touches
    Light touches to sneaking kisses
    Kisses led to fondling
    And fondling led to the deed

    I got pregnant
    But was too scared to tell parents
    I thought they would kill me
    I told him
    He didn’t want to tell parents
    And secretly wanted the baby
    But parents would crucify him
    Being pastor’s kids complicated everything
    No safe space to talk to anyone
    I decided to take it out
    He was confused
    But he wanted it
    He respected my choice
    We didn’t tell anyone

    Three years later
    We got married
    Now have an amazing child
    And are thinking of another
    Sometimes I want to talk about it
    But he wants to bury it in the past
    I prayed
    He prayed
    We prayed
    We believe we have been forgiven
    We no longer talk about it
    Sometimes I wonder
    What would have happened
    These days
    The thoughts come and go
    Maybe he thinks about it?
    I don’t know
    He never talks about it
    But this is our secret
    Unspoken – to no one
    It will be our secret till we die

    We have vowed
    To create a safe space
    We are committed
    To having an open and honest
    Relationship with our children
    That no matter what happens
    They will come talk to us
    No matter what

    I know what you are thinking
    But please don’t judge me
    It was not not an easy decision

    Romans 3:16
    Ist John 1:9

    • MissSilentReader

      November 3, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      No judgement hun *hugs* just try your best to correct the mistakes of the previous generation by

    • anon

      November 4, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      Thanks for sharing. Imagine if the world is a safer place where ppl are free to share their experiences without fear of judgement. It is quite sad that it isnt. Really and truly sad.

  40. Mz Socially Awkward...

    November 3, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    ???

    This geh, see serious kweshon you dey ask so, come use your crase take outline the background, so that na only laugh we dey laff here instead of engaging in thoughtful reflection. Warn yasef oh…

    As to the matter wey full ground – eees a hard one, oh but as na the two both of dem waka come (oh, the pointedness of that artlessly placed pun), so also should the two both of them own the ensuing pikin.

    Even for woman wey tell man say she get belle (as occurred to a few friends of mine) and the man talk say he no do again, if that man come repent begin find that pikin after 21years, the mama no suppose block am. Make the child use im own mind decide whether to get the papa time or not.

    No be small wahala full this “unwanted pikin” matter… And if only we had a way to hear from “the unwanted pikins” themselves, even right from the womb. Maybe we might be surprised to hear what they had to say regarding rights to their lives.

  41. bumble bee

    November 3, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    Lol!!! Isio my darling Isio!!! How I love reading from you. Well my take on this!! In all honesty if I was in a situationship (mind you for heaven’s sake how can I be banging my situationship without a condom) and I got pregnant. I don’t think i”ld tell the guy!!! Why? For one why do I need to tell you? So that you can tell me what I already know ?to get rid of it? Secondly telling you so you can offer me financial or emotional support!! Ogbeni if I need it i’ll ask since I didn’t my dear take several seats.. thirdly, why dabble in waters unknown.. what if I tell you and you become insensitive and say something you shouldn’t, no matter what anyone says no one is happy having an abortion, the emotional trauma is worse than the physical pain but you know what pushes the dagger into your heart more is having an insensitive partner or situationship, trust me it hurts like hell. So why do I need to tell you, except you want the baby o!! Then i’ll understand if you are mad if not abeggiiiii take several seats.

  42. sassymsethni

    November 3, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    It’s so good to have you back Isio!!! Missed your piquant writing style and intriguing stories. Hehe. This unwanted pregnancy issue is long mehn. I had 2 major pregnancy scares in my previous relationship and it just motivated me to be celibate after I ended things with le ex-boo (he was my first). But alas, the devil brought one guy my way towards the end of my service year. One thing led to another and roughly 2 yrs of celibacy was broken. However, i insisted on a condom every time and he complied. This lasted for several weeks and although I’m not entirely sure it was worth it, I’m glad i went about it responsibly this time around. None of those ridiculous pregnancy scares and no STD worries. I still support celibacy 100% though. But if u must fall off the wagon, pls have the sense to use a condom

  43. Devil's Advocate

    November 3, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    As for me, I pride myself on being a responsible guy. If I knock you up, the child is mine, I would accept it, it’s up to the girl to decide if she wants it too.

    • Realcowgirl

      November 21, 2015 at 11:00 am

      See your mouth like the child is mine. Will you carry it for nine months. Will your life pause and subsequently change for ever. Will you need to stop school or work to raise the chile. Will you face the stigma of being unwed and married. Win Nigeria it’s worse become there is no system for child support so the woman is hundred percent responsible for financial maintenance escort the guy chooses to contribute. The child is hers and yours but the decision to act is hers solely. Accepting it is not enough my friend!!! If you can not marry a girl u get pregnant in this day and age then u should not be messing with her in the first place…U men will be begging to go raw yet when gbese comes u will start speaking in tongues. ….

    • Realcowgirl

      November 21, 2015 at 11:03 am

      See your mouth like the child is mine. Will you carry it for nine months. Will your life pause and subsequently change for ever. Will you need to stop school or work to raise the child. Will you face the stigma of being unwed and pregnant. In Nigeria it’s worse become there is no system for child support so the woman is hundred percent responsible for financial maintenance except the guy chooses to contribute and even that is never guaranteed. The child is hers and yours but the decision to act is hers solely. You life won’t miss a beat and u will still go ahead to marry someone else. Do u know what single mothers face?? Can u marry a woman who has a child for someone else’s?? U men will be begging to go raw yet when gbese comes u will start speaking in tongues.

  44. niran

    November 4, 2015 at 8:48 am

    I keep saying that you never know what you would do until you are in that situation.. so,for those of you acting like saints now,just pray you don’t have to make the choice.. happened to me 4 years ago whilst in school with my fwb chic who was 2 years my junior.. condom slipped and that was it. She suggested an abortion and I must confess,I was relieved..
    Got a doctor,was in the room with her throughout the procedure and all.. we “broke up” some months later and I’m sure the abortion contributed to it..we still friends till this day though.

  45. passerby

    November 4, 2015 at 10:17 am

    Personally, I think surrogacy should be legalized in our country since the rate of unprotected sex is on the high(afterall very few abstain these days). Besides, it will also give people who can not have children the chance to do so instead of killing unborn lives.

    • larz

      November 4, 2015 at 1:34 pm

      You mean adoption? Surrogacy is carrying someone else’s baby and in most cases, sex is not even involved (when done via artificial insemination).

  46. SA

    November 4, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    I had an abortion and frankly at that point, even if my then bf had said he wanted the child I would not have kept it. I had broken up with him a couple of days before I officially confirmed I was pregnant (I’d already begun to suspect I was)
    I however told him about the pregnancy and he simply asked “what do you want to do” me I said “I can’t have a baby” and that was that.

  47. jojo

    November 5, 2015 at 7:41 am

    Isio ooooo, Since its true confession time let me just say…………you never really know what you will do till you are in that situation. (please don’t judge me we all sin differently) .
    In the 3 years I was dating my ex boo, we were trying to get pregnant but it didn’t happen, we broke up and we moved on, a year later he had met someone else planning on getting married oooo, Na him old firewood come catch and I got preggy, found out 2 weeks to his wedding, dude said I should keep the baby with tears and begging that it is what he had always wanted, but he was still going to marry the other girl, make I come be baby mama just like that, I made the choice, if was the right or wrong one I can’t say , Well its my body I have every right to decide what happens to it, Me I cannot come and be an incubator to any man. Abortion no be easy thing oooo the pain,blood and tears hmmmmm, Since that experience celibacy has been my gospel, I practice and preach it.

  48. anonymous

    November 5, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Hypocrisy and a certain rigidness permeates this comment section.

    Let’s understand that we are responsible for our lives and emotions like fear are real. A guy can love you and be afraid once you get pregnant because he can’t shoulder the responsibilities and please let’s not bring that ‘why then did you sleep with her’ statement cos it’s rife with a victim mentality. The babe too should have been careful.

    At the root of abortion is fear, of the unknown, of judgement etc and not everyone is that brave.I know cos I’ve had an abortion once, I didn’t even tell the guy cos I knew I didn’t love him that much. Didn’t want to wake up one day and hate my husband plus I couldn’t afford to raise a child at that time. Add these factors to the fact that I am a preacher’s kid and you get the drift. The look of pain in my father’s eyes when the nurse suggested I go for a pregnancy test was enough to seal the decision. I just said ‘my period is due tomorrow, if I don’t it, then I’ll take the test just to convince you all that I’m not pregnant’. That same day I inserted some cytoteck in to my uterus through my p”****y and my period started.

    Judgement is easy but we are human beings not robots.

    To the topic, I will not tell a man I’m not married to that I’m pregnant for him. I’ll decide what I can live with and do it. I can’t insult myself unnecessarily or be forced into a relationship. Imagine marrying a guy who knows you’ve committed abortions for him (like some babes would say), he can wake up one morning and insult you in the marriage. A woman needs to give a man less reasons to insult her.

    *grabs popcorn waiting for the insults to roll in*

  49. Realcowgirl

    November 21, 2015 at 11:02 am

    See your mouth like the child is mine. Will you carry it for nine months. Will your life pause and subsequently change for ever. Will you need to stop school or work to raise the child. Will you face the stigma of being unwed and pregnant. In Nigeria it’s worse become there is no system for child support so the woman is hundred percent responsible for financial maintenance except the guy chooses to contribute and even that is never guaranteed. The child is hers and yours but the decision to act is hers solely. You life won’t miss a beat and u will still go ahead to marry someone else. Do u know what single mothers face?? Can u marry a woman who has a child for someone else’s?? U men will be begging to go raw yet when gbese comes u will start speaking in tongues.

  50. Realcowgirl

    November 21, 2015 at 11:35 am

    I will share my story. But before that I don’t understand why people need to throw advice that they can’t practice. I fr one know one commenter who is preaching abstinence abstinence and she has a bf. Let’s face it we are all having sex. U will be surprised how old kids these days are when they pop their cherries. It’s heartbreaking. I am all for condom but let’s be realistic if u are in a committed relationship and u have both been tested and come clean are u telling me u will use condom from morning to night. To start off with yes but as time goes by and u are comfy in that rship it’s not that easy. It’s easy to type the ideal here but practicing it is a different case and not like we don’t know what is right and wrong.
    ………. Anyway my story. I was dating my bf of less than a year we were very in love and very happy. And we started off with condom and later going raw. I was terrified of getting knocked up and I kept feeling guilty but I thought he was the one as I had never been that free with anyone before. . Knowing that we know better. We tried to be very very careful and I was watching my dates to make sure I knew when I was less fertile etc. one fateful day- I’m not gonna lie that we used a condom and it broke, we didn’t – he got carried away so the next morn I took emergency pill……. The pill failed and I got pregnant. …….I told him and he said I should keep it. But with no commitment or support. Only words. I couldn’t. I know a few single moms who are even older than me and it is not easy. I wasn’t ready and esp not if I’m gonna be alone. Few weeks later I decided what was best for me and my life and ova started forming vex that I didn’t listen to him when he told me to keep it…….so my experience shows it is ultimately the woman’s decision be is her life will never be the same and not everyone is emotionally strong to handle such issues. ………
    …. Yea I know all about consequences for actions but still if u were in a. First world country then u know the govt and all will support and give u a house etc but in naij straight off Nysc looking for a job no income barely hanging there u will have to sit long and hard to decide on the course you want your life to take any hopefully learn from your actions become u never ever know how u will react until it happens to u. …… I ended things with the guy he was not ready to accept responsibility for his actions so ladies when they beg u to go raw beg them to give u a minute while u wear your pant and runnnnn. Love doesn’t conquer all.

    Also this issue of unwanted pregnancy is so rampant. Trust me u can be living with ur sister or a girl living with her mother n she gets pregnant and does not tell anyone and she takes care of it and no one suspects have no clue. So rather than make people feels like demons I think it helps to also have a realistic approach to tell the, they can talk to u about anything esp when the person might not normally be able to speak up and the last thing u want I’d for them to go through such ordeal alone

    … Sorry this is long. 🙂

  51. Aya

    November 23, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    I laughed (Tanzanian pidgin!)
    My own situation: This guy i was seeing for 2 years and now an ex- , we really played it safe and thank heavens the condoms never failed us…Otherwise i wouldn’t be here- probably in my maternal village harvesting rice this season. why we played it so safe was because we’d had previously helped a mutual friend through a rough pregnancy then baby then absence of baby-daddy then parents drama, we got so full of it that we decided condoms were a necessity- purse, wallet, gym bag, all handbags- for my case 🙂
    So, shock unto me 3 months ago, when a dear friend of mine asked me, ‘So how is so and so’s baby doing?’ Which so-and-so? (with the deepest creases on my forehead) because this so-and-so had a similar name to my ever-condom-using so-and-so. Slowly it downed on my friend that i had no idea that this was one and the same person 🙁
    long story short, baby-mamma is on his case; her people are reaching out to his people for damage control and i hear wedding bells next year- his and hers. Yet, so-and-so has not said a word about…just slowly disappeared from my earth.

  52. cj.

    December 7, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    I’m 22 Nd I bet u I’ve never slept with any man, because I promised myself Nd God DAT I wont until am married, now am not saying is easy but its possible for those DAT think its not Nd yes am in a relationship currently… people think its not possible to be in a relationship without sexual activities. it takes disciple Nd grace.
    inasmuch as I don’t want to sound jugdemental, but while one go to price MKT he doesn’t want to buy.
    present marital sex does nothing good but to destroy Nd feel one with self guilt. Some who preach abstinence HV been dealt hard by life before they made such decisions…. Seriously apart from my devotion to God, i ve learnt alot from pples experience to never tread dat path… By the way God wasn’t stupid when he said flee from formication cause the consequences are much, it affects our mental, physical Nd spiritual health.
    God help us all….selah. The best solution is Chastity

  53. Cj

    December 7, 2015 at 11:05 pm

    I’m 22 Nd I bet u I’ve never slept with any man, because I promised myself Nd God DAT I wont until am married, now am not saying is easy but its possible for those DAT think its not Nd yes am in a relationship currently… people think its not possible to be in a relationship without sexual activities. it takes disciple Nd grace.
    inasmuch as I don’t want to sound jugdemental, but while one go to price MKT he doesn’t want to buy.
    present marital sex does nothing good but to destroy Nd feel one with self guilt. Some who preach abstinence HV been dealt hard by life before they made such decisions…. Seriously apart from my devotion to God, i ve learnt alot from pples experience to never tread dat path… By the way God wasn’t stupid when he said flee from formication cause the consequences are much, it affects our mental, physical Nd spiritual health.
    God help us all….selah. The best solution is Chastity

  54. frannie-beautifulsoul

    January 1, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Ladies need to understand something… that what we are left to deal with these days are mere boys irrespective of their ages. A man is a matured n responsible individual which is lacking in this society of ours. These boys want to eat their cake n have it. So when issues like this arise for a sexually active woman,note that you have to swing into action a premeditated decision of how to deal wit the situation. Personally I don’t support abortion even if I do it tmrw its still not worth it in terms of the trauma, possibility of losing one’s womb,pricking of conscience. Its a pain n burden no woman would wish their worst enemy plus the deceit,rejection , depression n shame that has led some to commit suicide. Its then u understand the reality of the saying that the heart of man is desperately wicked. Alot of lives have been lost in the process. Before venturing into premarital sex let us always ask ourselves if we are ready to have n cater for kids by ourselves cos these boys ain’t it lol. But then it takes two to tango so yes they deserve to be informed n support the lady. If she is not good enough for u to be wife’s up then she shouldn’t be good enough for u to lay. It is totally inexcusable to me that u lay a woman without concluding that u would make an honest woman if her. U have a mother, sisters n daughters possibly in the future. Let’s be careful with how we treat peoples daughters. They are not things but humans with emotions. Whatever goes up will surely come down. Karma is a bitch baby n God is no respecter of persons. Someday no matter how long it takes we all reap what we Dow so sow good seeds. Its a small world really.

  55. nnenna

    January 26, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    odikwa egwu.com

  56. Mizcynic

    January 15, 2017 at 3:38 am

    Mr Kenichi is d exact reason why I gbadun d girls in Isios gist

  57. jesusgirl

    February 1, 2017 at 12:52 am

    mum had me at 19, dad asked her to abort was awol for 4 years came back mums family decided to take care of me. 6 years later he became a full time dad. I’m really thankful to God for mums decision, im the best thing that has ever happened to her, she was a brave young lady, 28 years old now Dad is super proud of his almost aborted fetus his best as well. My past has made me make certain decisions, like not having sex, i don’t want to repeat the cycle. i dont condone anyone who has aborted i have seen ladies close to me abort, they would have gone through a lot.the community and the family are the worst …

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