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#BN2015Epilogues: For Florence, It Was A Difficult 12 Months But She Trusted God’s Love

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Last year BellaNaija Features put together an inspiring feature series to round off the year. The 2014 Epilogues featured 10 real people who took an introspective look at their year and wrote about it. This year, we decided to make the call public to our readers. {Click here if you missed it} It is our hope and desire that we will have enough entries to have a story up every day from the 1st to the 31st of December. We have received an impressive number of entries and we hope that you will share yours with us.

We kicked off the series and so far we’ve had the following entries: Jennifer G , Morountodun , VictoryMayowa ,  Harmony ,Dekky , OJ , Busola , ModupeThe Prodigal Daughter , AdetolaAyomikun Omami Jojo , Kehinde Iember and Hadiza.

We have had an overwhelming response to the call for Epilogues and we’re grateful to everyone who has sent in an entry. We will do our best to share every story we received before the deadline (even if it runs into the new year. Because BellaNaijarians are so awesome!) Today we’re sharing Florence‘s story, and anybody who knows how difficult it is to deal with crippling school work will definitely relate to this.

***
My 2015’s story will be totally incomplete without a quick recap of 2014.
Towards the end of 2014, I made 2 important decisions; the first was to apply for a master’s degree even though I was few exams shy of completing my bachelor’s degree. My application was evaluated& I was admitted “unofficially” so it meant that I had time until March/April 2015 to complete my BSc & finish my application ( i.e pay tuition& send all the necessary documents). The second was to leave my pretty comfortable life& move to a new city.

Enter January: After working soooooooo hard, I realized I couldn’t meet the deadline for my master’s degree because of a problem I had with one of my exams & that also meant that I was going to get an extra year in uni. That day, something inside me stopped breathing.

Enter February: Many tears. I was finally able to successfully pass my “goliath” exam

Enter March: I was exhausted physically & emotionally so I pretty much slept it out . Thank God for my wonderful housemate who encouraged me to get up & try to move on with the completion of the remaining exams.

Enter April: I got a craaaaazy job & I studied for the most part.

Enter May: I just studied like crazy. I needed to finish.

Enter June: Exam sessions…I shut out all emotions& I was able to successfully pass with ease another “evil”exam.

Enter July: Just kept studying, writing exams& my final thesis. I was pretty excited at this point but boom..the person I had been seeing for a couple of years, my best friend & the only emotional support I had at the time, decided it was best to move on. Something else inside me died that day.
P.s: I have a family, friends and people I trust, but when I’m in the middle of a storm, the last thing I want is to talk or have people “hover” over me.

Enter August: I was home alone because my housemate had traveled for the summer& I didn’t want to go home (you remember what I said about the “hoverers” hovering..lol). I was such a difficult moment which was strange because I usually recover from breakups quickly. I guess it was because it happened in my moment of vulnerability.
I prayed, fasted, cried, read the Bible, books, watched hours of TV. (another strange thing because I usually cannot watch TV for long…it has a “dummifying” effect on me) and I drank litres of cold coffee. I was basically depressed.

Enter September: I went back to school ready to finish& just get it over with. My very first exam flopped due to an error that was beyond incredible. I went to the bathroom & cried my eyes out. It just didn’t feel right. I felt like God had abandoned me because even circumstances seemed to work against me. The same happened with subsequent exams.
I just plunged right into depression. It was bad. My parents had to come & take me home.

Enter October: Everyone was afraid for me including me. I saw an happy, enthusiastic, fun-loving person turn into something else. That scared me. I couldn’t sleep & when I slept, it became difficult to wake up. I feared that one day, nobody would be able to get me out of bed, so I decided to start sleeping on the living room sofa.

Enter November & December: It’s been an everyday struggle to stay afloat. I still sleep on the sofa ( I actually like it..lol). I’m slowly coming back to myself& on the dark days, I cry if needed & move on. A lot of introspection has been going on & I’m actually working on a business idea.

I’m also looking for an apartment..I feel ready to go back to living on my own. I hope to complete school sometime next year & get a job or an internship in the meantime.

What I’m grateful for: The year didn’t go as I planned. It went completely south but it has made me stronger& more resolved to live& not just exist.

I know God loves me & that everything will eventually work out for my good.
I learnt the meaning of calculated risks.
I’ve also come to fully appreciate the importance of my family& support circle.
Home is not a building, it’s people.

Thank you all for reading my epistle…lol & a big thank you to the BellaNaija crew for the opportunity.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images

10 Comments

  1. www.thelmathinks.com

    December 17, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    God does love you and eventually everything will work out for your good. Amen.

  2. Yeyeperry

    December 17, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Awwwwwwwn. My darling, may 2016 bring you more joy and fulfillment than you’ve had in your life so far! Hugs

  3. Addy

    December 17, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    God will always be there even in our darkest moments and he sure does love you swty.

  4. Duni

    December 17, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    Not to sound cliche but, one day, you will look back at this season of your life and say from the depths of your being , ‘Thank you, Lord.’ Hugs.

  5. Oluwabusola Adedire

    December 17, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Girl… believe me when I say you will come out on the other side! God did not forget you.. he is there, he listens! To put things in perspective… no one is guaranteed tomorrow. So, in success, or in failure.. you are still here, and that is all that matters!

  6. adeanon

    December 17, 2015 at 6:52 pm

    Echoeing what every one else has said.
    1. You will look back with gratitude for the learnings
    2. You will be amazed at how something so dark and so bleak worked out for your good
    3. It gives you hope when things wrong in the future- that God always always comes through

    Sending you plenty e hugs x

  7. Onetallgirl

    December 18, 2015 at 12:29 am

    Florence, i found myself nodding my head throughout this entire article. I have definitely been there, failed exams praying crying asking God why me? But I got over it, and I know you will too. It will get better and you will soon go back to your fun-loving, happpy self.

  8. Florence

    December 18, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Thank you sooooooo much to you all. Your comments really touched my heart& I’m so grateful.
    Amen to all your prayers. *hugs*

  9. Yewi

    December 18, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    Girl I can so relate! I started my masters this fall and I’ve cried so much these past 5 months than I have in a long time. Failing exams even after atudying so hard, going to cry afterward in the bathroom, sometimes even crying during the exams, then asking God why me. The awful feeling of nothingness and worthlessness

    It’s not easy but we will triumph. I was nearing depression too but slowly picked myself up and will keep trying next year. I know just how you feel. Academically, I’m way down in the dumps but i can only try to go higher.

    Do not fret. You will look back on these days and be grateful for the many lessons you learned and the strength they taught you. It can only get better from now on so go into the New Year with a positive attitude and the belief that everything does happen for your good. You can do this! God’s got you!

  10. KingsQueen

    December 18, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    I can relate to everything you said, only difference is i had to hurriedly pick myself up and keep trying until i got it… i was the type to write an exam with confidence i’d pass, i went from that to failing my professional exams 4 times, 4 damn times!!! I wept my eyes out and just became numb by the 4th failure. I prayed, fasted, gave gift offerings, did everything in the books and still nada. I felt unloved by God but i still held on to him like never before. I had just about given up when i got encouragement from a colleague to try for the final time and it paid off.

    I finally got what i wanted and then it seemed i didn’t want it anymore, but with each passing day i’ve come to realise i had to go through all that for a reason, i haven’t fully gotten it but i will someday. Hang in there, God’s got your back **hugs**

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