#BN2015Epilogues: Mayowa’s Year of “What Ifs”

Last year BellaNaija Features put together an inspiring feature series to round off the year. The 2014 Epilogues featured 10 real people who took an introspective look at their year and wrote about it. This year, we decided to make the call public to our readers. {Click here if you missed it} It is our hope and desire that we will have enough entries to have a story up every day from the 1st to the 31st of December. We have received an impressive number of entries and we hope that you will share yours with us.

We kicked off the series with the entry by Jennifer G , Morountodun and Victory.

As we share Mayowa‘s story, which is short and simple yet deep, we hope that you find some valuable life lessons.

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Here I am sitting on my bed reading this quote by Soren Kierkegaard
“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced“. Like play like play we have arrived at the last month of the year. Then suddenly I find myself looking back at this time last year and how I began my 2015.

If I were to sum up my 2015 I would call it a year of “What ifs”. Yes, it was definitely that.

Just around late 2014 my mum fell so ill and I lie if I say I wasn’t preparing myself for the worst. In fact I became so lost in myself I would curl up and stay in bed all day trying to imagine life without her. It was hell, but she didn’t make it any better as she kept on saying words like she meant them to be her last statement. That was the lowest period of my life and because of it, I developed a very bad health anxiety. In psychology you could simply say I became a hypochondriac. Suddenly headache wasn’t headache anymore, it was brain tumour and the list went on. It was as though my body started to fail me and there was no one to turn to.

She finally got better and 2015 came. Only God knows how grateful I was, but then I remember myself starting January 1st with a lie I told myself wasn’t a lie. At some point, my life was going smoothly and I refused to believe it. My mum was fine, I finally gained admission to study law, I had someone who loved me and I was finally achieving my dreams.

But like in every life drama, there’s always a conflict. I ruined what I had with my own hands thinking I was doing the right thing but then I caught myself before I fell too deep into a mess I created. So here I am on the 12th month asking myself “What If?”

What if my mum didn’t make it this year? What would have become of me? (that is one question I’m grateful turned out in my favour). What if I didn’t listen when I was told to resit jamb again? Would I be going to another level studying the course I always wanted to study? What if I didn’t leave the person that loved me for the person I thought loved me, would I be here fighting for who he should leave and be with? What if I had refused to escort my friend to that casting, would I have had the chance to be on the runway like I always wanted to?

But all in all I’m more than grateful because this year has been full of so many trials and tribulation but here I am and I can boldly say I’m a better person than I was last year or the beginning of this year.

I’ve learnt so much so now I can’t wait to see what the new year brings for me and I hope it brings joy and happiness for all of us.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Iraterekh