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#BN2015Epilogues: Mayowa’s Year of “What Ifs”

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Last year BellaNaija Features put together an inspiring feature series to round off the year. The 2014 Epilogues featured 10 real people who took an introspective look at their year and wrote about it. This year, we decided to make the call public to our readers. {Click here if you missed it} It is our hope and desire that we will have enough entries to have a story up every day from the 1st to the 31st of December. We have received an impressive number of entries and we hope that you will share yours with us.

We kicked off the series with the entry by Jennifer G , Morountodun and Victory.

As we share Mayowa‘s story, which is short and simple yet deep, we hope that you find some valuable life lessons.

 ***

Here I am sitting on my bed reading this quote by Soren Kierkegaard
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced“. Like play like play we have arrived at the last month of the year. Then suddenly I find myself looking back at this time last year and how I began my 2015.

If I were to sum up my 2015 I would call it a year of “What ifs”. Yes, it was definitely that.

Just around late 2014 my mum fell so ill and I lie if I say I wasn’t preparing myself for the worst. In fact I became so lost in myself I would curl up and stay in bed all day trying to imagine life without her. It was hell, but she didn’t make it any better as she kept on saying words like she meant them to be her last statement. That was the lowest period of my life and because of it, I developed a very bad health anxiety. In psychology you could simply say I became a hypochondriac. Suddenly headache wasn’t headache anymore, it was brain tumour and the list went on. It was as though my body started to fail me and there was no one to turn to.

She finally got better and 2015 came. Only God knows how grateful I was, but then I remember myself starting January 1st with a lie I told myself wasn’t a lie. At some point, my life was going smoothly and I refused to believe it. My mum was fine, I finally gained admission to study law, I had someone who loved me and I was finally achieving my dreams.

But like in every life drama, there’s always a conflict. I ruined what I had with my own hands thinking I was doing the right thing but then I caught myself before I fell too deep into a mess I created. So here I am on the 12th month asking myself “What If?”

What if my mum didn’t make it this year? What would have become of me? (that is one question I’m grateful turned out in my favour). What if I didn’t listen when I was told to resit jamb again? Would I be going to another level studying the course I always wanted to study? What if I didn’t leave the person that loved me for the person I thought loved me, would I be here fighting for who he should leave and be with? What if I had refused to escort my friend to that casting, would I have had the chance to be on the runway like I always wanted to?

But all in all I’m more than grateful because this year has been full of so many trials and tribulation but here I am and I can boldly say I’m a better person than I was last year or the beginning of this year.

I’ve learnt so much so now I can’t wait to see what the new year brings for me and I hope it brings joy and happiness for all of us.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Iraterekh 

8 Comments

  1. sisi

    December 4, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    2015 – this year has been tough, like really tough but still I have cause to smile.

  2. Gerrard59

    December 4, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Same thing with me. Was diagnosed with PTSD, after suffering from an accident this time last year, took time to recover myself. Howbeit, the year has been rough with the economy having nothing to “”tweet”” home about.

    I fully hope that 2016 gets better, not just here in Nigeria but worldwide. Mostly especially the economy. Congrats about your admission, seems like our own JAMB and admission process is worse than that of China’s.

  3. jasmine

    December 4, 2015 at 3:11 pm

    2015??? Can you please go and never return? Worse year of my life.!!! Where ever you are Dad, I just hope i’m making you proud.
    Life is truly difficult without you.

  4. miss

    December 4, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    2014 was hell for me. was jobless, boyfriendless, broke and depressed. went from a size 10 to 14. tried many businesses and failed. febuary 2015 , got admission for an msc program. reluctantly went for it cos i was tired of staying home doing nothing. id say that was the best decisions i made. i lost the excess weight due to school stress. im now size 12. il get back to 10 soon (i hope). also got a contract job through one of my course mates in school. met many ppl too.its been a good year id say. im still boyfrendless but i guess that part will sort itself out eventually. i look foward to 2016

  5. deedee

    December 7, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    2015 has been a year of manifestation, alot of hangovers and good and bad experiences from the previous year, i prayed and wrote down on a long list that i wanted to see in 2015, came to pass. 1.To do more training and upgrade my Job profile 2. A growing relationship with the holyspirt and knowing who i am through Christ Jesus….
    3. Open doors for my siblings 4. More job opportunities 5. To get rid of toxic people around me and just generally be around people that will help me grow and be better with all that concerns me . 6 I also prayed that some supernatural grace and mercy should fall on my 23 yr old nephew who had been suffering from Sickle cell will get healed, as i could not remember a month passing by without going back and forth to the hospital, i happen to know and witness someone from church who supernaturally blood group turn from SS to AA, with medical proofs, but unfortunately he died in July , i was just glad that i was able to make him give his life to Christ a month b4, i’m and that he made heaven, seeing him take his last breath and seeing him “say Lord Jesus i will not die but live, with blood flowing from his nose” was quite painful but then i realised it maybe it was meant to happen..
    1- 5 came to pass and many more in this month and i ‘m sure that my 2016 will be the year of new beginning and growth on every side that concerns me and those that are geninuely joyful when it comes to me and mine in Jesus name

    • L.U

      December 9, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      Deedee, so sorry about your cousin. This brought me to tears. I’m on the road, in the car crying and hiding my face from my driver. Your Cousin lives. He has eternal life now.

    • femfem

      December 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

      Wow so sad. Please take heart. He is in a better place. No more pain. May his soul rest in perfect peace

  6. duphy

    December 29, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    I really get moved by this 2015 epilogues

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