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Toby Nwazor: 21 Questions to Ask Before Saying “I do”

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A friend of mine recently found out that ‘her man’ is married. I remember how hurt she looked when she said to me, “Toby did you know that John (not real name) is married?”

“Whaaaat!” I screamed in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”

“Toby he’s been married for three years, and I am just finding out today.”

“Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “Then what was he coming to you for naa”, I asked in shock.

“Ask me again Toby, ask me ooo.” At this point she was almost in tears.

As far as I am concerned, my friend was lucky to have found out when she did. For many people, some of these shocks take place only after marriage.

Some of these situations can be avoided to a large extent if we put our feelings aside and ask our partner some sincere questions before making any major decision in our relationships.

I have written below 21 questions you should ask before you say “I do”. Many of them are weird, but based on recent happenings; one can never be too sure. For the purpose of emphasis, I must say that “Baby you know I love you” is not the answer to any of these questions. So friends, let’s dive in and explore.

What is your real name?
Candy, Sonsy or Jimmy is usually not a real name for most Nigerians. (Of course there are exceptions). Find out your boo/bae’s real (and village) names, so that if e come get as e be, you go know where to begin trace things.

Are your parents together?
This question isn’t meant to judge, but for you to know what to expect and be prepared. These people will be your children’s grandparents (hopefully). Are they divorced, separated, estranged, cat-and-dog, or living happily together?

What do you do?
If she is a student, find out which school, course and expected year of graduation. If he is a business man, find out the type of business. If he is working, ask for the name of the organization and for how long. By the way, ‘hustling’ without any further definition, is not an occupation.

When can I meet your folks?
This one takes a lot of guts especially for ladies. But nne eh this question may be what will determine how long you will be the star actor of ‘Lord of the Rings’.

What do you do when you get mad?
Do you curse, sulk, hit people or break things when you get mad? You need to know about this now to avoid stories of “I fell down the stairs” tomorrow.

How much do you make?
Please don’t be shy about this. This is someone you are planning to build a future with. You need to have an idea of what his/her income looks like on the average so as to make feasible plans.

Do you smoke and/or drink?
To some people, this isn’t a big deal while to some, it is. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

Where do you live?
Dear sister, if he is still living with his parents or squatting with a friend’s nephew’s brother’s cousin, you need to know. If he is living in a face-me-I-slap-you compound, you need to know too, so you can start getting ready for the communal life and compound fights.

What do you like eating?
This is equally for guys and not just ladies. At least you will know what to prepare (or buy) when you want to give him/her a treat.

How many kids do you want?
Two cannot work together unless they agree. It is important to have an agreement here to avoid misunderstanding tomorrow.

What if none comes?
Yes, “God forbid”, and “it is not our portion”. But let’s face it, no be everybody go get pikin. So suck it up and ask the question. “What happens if no kids come the first few years of the marriage? What if only girls or only boys come? Will you get another wife? Or will you keep trying until you have 12 daughters?”

Do you have inheritance or investments?
My take is this. If you can trust someone enough to agree to spend the rest of your life together and to naked before the pesin, you suppose trust that pesin with everything, including your investments.

What is your sexual orientation?
If you wish to avoid “had I known”, ask your boo/bae if he/she is heterosexual, bi-sexual, homosexual or into bestiality sef. Adighi amachazi ama nawadays (you can never know).

Do you have debts?
People choose a spouse for different reasons. Some marry to deliver their family from poverty. Some marry to get contracts, while some marry to pay off debts. If your boo/bae is owing $60,000 (#12,000,000) in tuition debts for instance, you should know beforehand.

What’s your view on body size/image?
You need to know if she can stand flabby arms, bald heads and/or pot bellies.

Similarly, find out if he can still love a woman who has Christian mothers’ arms (ndi nne maama) or a protruding stomach.

What’s your view on cooking and other domestic work?
Most ladies love getting pampered. Many of them will be disappointed if their husbands can’t cook or assist with domestic work. If you are one, ask him now, so you won’t have the wrong expectations that lead to unfulfilled relationships tomorrow.

And bros, you need to know if she can prepare anything else apart from bread/tea or Indomie. What about cleaning, sweeping, washing, etc. Now is the best time to decide if you will need to employ chefs, cleaners or helps.

What is your career plan?
He may be working in a bank today, but planning to become a pastor tomorrow.

Or maybe she is a Civil servant today but plans to become a politician tomorrow. Can you cope?

What are your sexual fantasies?
Does he/she expect oral sex, anal sex, bondage, threesomes, sex-tapes etc? Stop being shy and ask, so you don’t get the shock of your life after wedding.

What are your religious views?
Without a good mutual understanding, having different religious views can break up an otherwise good relationship.  For Christians, this includes church doctrines.

Do you have a child?
It is better to know this and prepare for the drama that comes with baby mamas/papas beforehand.

Are you married?
Put your feelings aside and ask this all important question. If they are divorced, ask for details. There is a big difference between divorced and about-to-be divorced.

Your Turn
Have you ever ended a relationship because of the answer to any of these questions? Have you ever received shocks from your boo/bae or ex-boo/bae? Please share your experience in the comments section.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Tracy Hornbrook

Toby Nwazor is a free lance writer and motivational speaker who believes that life is meant to be lived and not just existed in. He is equally an entrepreneur with a lot of hands-on experience in business start-ups, marketing, and customer service. He passionately writes every Monday and Wednesday on www.mystartupceo.com about helping entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs build successful start-ups

91 Comments

  1. Ross

    December 18, 2015 at 10:58 am

    Once again, a fantastic write-up Toby. Finally someone with some writing sense.
    BN biko, before you put up posts from Joro and the likes, kindly find these kind of articles in your pile first, I’m sure there are many more.

    • kiki

      December 18, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      I agree but in as much as the others seem petty they are actually speaking to someone’s situation if not yours. My point is that they research more and improve on the quality of their articles. But as for I love this article.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      Thanks for this great response kiki. I couldn’t have said it better

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      Thanks Ross. Your comment fantastic pass

  2. anon

    December 18, 2015 at 11:04 am

    i thought these where the kind of questions everyone asks before they get entangled to each other or am i wrong?except that the rush for a “yes i do” because of “age” makes us “girls” forget the essential at times. for some this beautiful union called marriage some times turn to hell becos we deliberately refuse to do our home work to only find ourselves in deep regrets and tears every day. as for the sexual orientation part,can somebody pls explain the part in “ibo” cos i don’t understand the language. thanx

    • Nuna

      December 18, 2015 at 11:31 am

      You would be very surprised. Some people just want to be married and dont care. I was very shocked when I asked a friend what her fiance does for a living and she said ‘one or two things’. Like is that even an answer??

    • Queen of Everything

      December 18, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      Anon, he did – that’s the bit in brackets after the “ibo” part…
      i.e. you can never know.

    • Its there

      December 18, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      @anon, he interpreted it in brackets – you never know enough these days, in other words, there are so many strange things happening these days

    • RIFF RAFF

      December 18, 2015 at 12:31 pm

      Even if Toby NWAZOR or anybody else writes such articles a thousand times, them ladies will not ask any questions maybe “How much do u earn?'” daz all. the quest and rat race to be Mrs is real over here. It doesn’t give ladies time to ask. While she be “wasting her time” asking (is she a journalist?), another babe may catch up with her and take up Mr fiancé. Naah we ask questions later when we (feel) we have “cemented” our place as the new mrs.

    • RIFF RAFF

      December 18, 2015 at 12:33 pm

      Better still, do not ask, INVESTIGATE! You might be fed with lies if u ask;

    • Anon

      December 18, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      This is definitely from a TOKs fan.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      Lol @ riff raff. That method dikwa very risky o. It’s like giving the commentary before the news. Lol. You are right shaa. Societal pressure is not easy on many ladies here in naija. But like our people say, onye ajuju adighi efu uzo. (Someone that makes it a habit to ask questions will never lose his way)

    • ivy

      December 18, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      @anon she already interpreted in bracket

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:15 pm

      My dear, people no too dey ask these questions these days o. So many assumptions are usually made in relationships now and it almost always causes problems later on.
      The interpretation of the igbo part (adighi amacha ama) is you can never know

    • B

      December 19, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      People ask and get lied to anyway. Especially the relationship status aspect.

  3. chichi

    December 18, 2015 at 11:38 am

    i dated a guy for 6months hmm went to his place stayed for weekends cooked washed did every tin together, my greatest mistake was not asking he he was married, of cus i asked if he had another bae but he said no, 6months into the relationship i saw on his facebook page someone asking him how his wife was, i was shocked. i called but he didnt pik until later he started apoliogising dt he was sorry,dt he meant to tell mi, menh i was hmmm i cant explain sef e tire mi. He said he was married but the wife wasnt in lagos.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:17 pm

      So sorry about that chichi. Plenty things dey happen these days shaa. Hope you are ok now

  4. Spunky

    December 18, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Well said. I just feel a lot of single folks would rather take their chances. In other words, we tend to deliberately ignore the core questions for various reasons ( reason for the increase in divorce.) Nice one!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:32 pm

      Rightly said spunky. Sometimes the answer to these questions are glaring, but some people still go ahead and do the do. Reminds me of a quote I learnt from PEFTI’s super story. They said that, “marriage is like a castle under siege. those who are inside want to rush out, and those who are outside want to rush in”

  5. pinopino

    December 18, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Fantastic write -up. I have this mentality to ask questions, write down the answers before making commitments.
    I got married to my first husband at 19 when I was doing my NYSC without asking these questions , only to realize months later that he has 2 kids, extremely lazy at 40, only relying on handouts from his brothers and from my allowee. I used my eye see my ear.
    Now, before my last month engagement, I asked my fiancé hard questions :
    1 ) if we both become jobless, what financial resources would we have,
    2) if I become a full time professional, could you manage being a full time parent?
    3) if we eliminate physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left? etc….
    saves troubles of ‘surprises’ in the future.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      Pinopino. I like your style o. Not time for nonsense.

    • Tosin

      December 19, 2015 at 1:59 am

      i wish you’d be a consultant to help people ‘in love’ ask.
      because the way i waive requirements when i’m infatuated ehn…

  6. mz_danielz

    December 18, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Nice write up but permit me to say the following. Most of these questions need not be asked e.g, how much do you earn/ do you have an inheritance?,what do you do. These will come up naturally if there is intimacy and trust.

    If a guy doesn’t take you to where he lives or to see his parents after a while, that’s a red flag.

    Do you drink or smoke? if you are really close and he’s comfortable around you, you will find out.

    How do you act when you get mad. No need to ask, annoy him after a while or observe him.

    If you guys are sexually intimate, then you can tell him your fantasies while he says his.

    The truth is , you will naturally be told most of the things listed above if there is intimacy and trust and the manner of asking these questions are important.

    If at the point of proposal you do not know these things, however, then you know the openness, trust and intimacy leaves a lot to be desired.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      You are right mz_danielz. But so many times people choose to tell the truth, some parts of the truth, some other things but the truth. Even when there is intimacy there could be a lot of assumptions. And from science, assumption is the lowest level of knowledge.

      That’s why it is good to ask shaa. Though not like an interrogation, but just as a normal conversation. For instance instead of just talking about how “your eyes are so lovely”, you can ask instead, “other things being equal, what type of career would you like to have”.

      These conversations are what breed the intimacy in the first place.

    • DDO

      December 19, 2015 at 12:19 am

      hmmm this “the questions will come up naturally ” is risky o! For instance all that glitters is not gold…if the guy is at Miliki/Federal Palace poppin Moet..drives tear rubber and works at GE does not mean there is money in the bank for nsala and pounded yam on Sunday.

      No matter what it is best to ask..hear the answer and repeat what you understand the person said..That’s a tip from http://zeezeeio.com/category/communication-conflict/

      People communicate differently.

    • SHEILA

      December 19, 2015 at 9:48 am

      I THINK THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE FAIL TO ASK MOST OF THESE OBVIOUS QUESTIONS OR DO NOT SEEK ANSWERS TO THEM COS OF THE ARDOR OF ROMANCE AND FANTASIES. I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD ASK MOST OF THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE THEY DELVE INTO ROMANCE.

  7. Great Lady

    December 18, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Great words Toby.

  8. abiola

    December 18, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Yea,this will only work when you are dealing with someone interested in telling the truth. Havent we repeatedly read on this blog of people who asked over and over only to find out much much later that said ‘widowed’ man living it up in Eko has 80 wives and 800 kids in Ibadan or someplace else.

    So before you set out asking this questions,u best hope to God you arent dealing with a pathological liar.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      As in eh. Some people are pathological liars shaa. But it doesn’t deny the importance of asking. At least make e be say you don do your part and leave the rest for God (Ichuo aja, ka ikpe ma ndi mmuo)

  9. Teris

    December 18, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    @anon: there is nothing common about sense.
    21Questions, yes. BUT.
    unfortunately, there’s a peculiar dynamic in the thick of things where timing (too soon to ask?) and packaging or other stuff dumbs one down.
    my 2k is have a trusty someone who will ask u if u asked these questions and and gotten very clear answers. at least love wont blind u and blind ur best mate.

  10. Odiegwu!

    December 18, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    Are your parents together? I didn’t ask this question o. I just assumed that they were. I mean they were living in the same house and all. Only for me to get in and discover they were strangers under the same roof o! No chats, no discussions, just living under the same roof. No plans together, no visits, nothing nothing. In fact they even try to make sure they don’t run into each other!

    Oga, why you no come tell me say matter be like this? His response, “its not something I am proud to share”. What do I do at this stage? Nothing, I’ll just have to try and make my own marriage work.

    • elsa

      December 18, 2015 at 8:57 pm

      Lol….the story of my life..

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:08 pm

      Na waa o. That type of marriage sef. To dey go visit those kain parents go dey tire pesin sef

    • abi

      December 19, 2015 at 1:13 am

      On my part, I didn’t take the “what do you do” part seriously at all. Not out of desperation but sheer stupidity. He was doing a ‘business’ and that was cool with me. As soon as we said I do he suspended all work activity because according to him I was doing well. 2 years of arguments about his not working and many nights (and mornings) of mind blowing sex I cut my losses and legged it.
      Now I’m wiser and after 6 months me I’m fully asking questions. Even now that I’ve just met a guy I’ve been talking to for a few months and I’m asking questions because ain’t no one, especially me, gat time for any “had I know”. Mbannu.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:37 am

      I understand perfectly. It beats me how a man will be comfortable to be living off his woman. Even if he isn’t doing anything very lucrative, a real man will always have that drive to work harder because we have this innate desire to be providers. According to one of my guys, two things make a real man: guts and balls. Balls is about confidence and the ability to be yourself irrespective of any type of intimidation. Guts is that drive that pushes him towards making more money, and not just sitting back and waiting for when ‘he will hammer’.

      Thank God you escaped shaa o

  11. b

    December 18, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    as you asking all these question, you gast to do FBI follow up!!!
    do your research.. if it comes to paying someone to follow your bobo for a while… do it!!! at least nah you wey want answers then use a different way. most lagos guys are using women to pass time until they meet the woman they want…..

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:42 am

      Lol. Are you for real? That one na full time job. By the way, if you are with someone you think you should pay a private investigator to monitor, babe, that relationship isn’t for you. Unless you want to do that for the rest of your life. Because many people usually have this wrong mindset that their lover will change for the better after marriage. The reverse is usually the case in most instances.

      If any change occurs, it is usually for the worse. Unless by the power of the Holy Spirit of course. So if he or she is exhibiting something now, just assume that those traits will grow and develop with time and then prepare yourself for it, or run for dear life. By the way, saying ” I will change him/her” is the highest form of self deceit. I mean, you can’t even change you that easily. How you take think say you go fit change another person? I laff in japanese. Kiakiakiakiakiakia

  12. Akanke

    December 18, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Even if ladies ask.. he is clean and good to go, then you guys get married. Things change.. people change
    What did not appear like a problem is now an issue. There are no guarantees in life.. nothing is sure. Plenty things go happen inside marriage. You really can’t know somebody finish… abi?

    • Bolu

      December 18, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      Gbam! These were my exact same words to friends who believed they had to do “FBI” checks on the guys they are interested in. Nothing wrong with doing your own personal research which is needed at the same time we can’t know a partner or prospective partner 100%. At the end of the important thing is ensuring that God is in that relationship. E no easy but God dey. Also, marriage is not easy and its not for everyone.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      You are right Akanke. People will always change. But it is just like they say, a devil you know is worse than the devil you don’t know. Anyhow e be, it is still better for one to know what one is getting into

  13. esther

    December 18, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    i need to add question 21 …what are your views on spending , .. because some men tend to check and balance things as minute as a maggi….

    • DDO

      December 19, 2015 at 12:21 am

      OMG Thissssss!!!!!! Does Bro’s want his 50kobo change back..you need to know!!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:45 am

      No be laughing matter @ Esther. This particular trait beats me. Why will a guy want to follow his wife to the market to know what she bought and collect the change. Well sha, I don’t really blame the people that do this. na poverty dey cause am. If you have such a man, pray for financial breakthrough. You will see the man will start giving you money in bulk. U go fear collecting change naa.

  14. Okoro

    December 18, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    I’m a Christian & I’ve never seen anywhere in the Bible that says ‘no be everybody go get pickin’ I’m still searching and I’ve not seen.
    Secondly a number of heartbreaks will be in none existence if we learn to talk to God(not our pastors) about our relationships and also seek approval from him(be it a pencil/ a cup, just whatever you believe in) cos I’ve seen a lot of folks ask this questions,get wonderful answers only to find out that they were being deceived all along. Amean if the Lord doesn’t build a city( our relationships)……. All I’m saying is let’s start preaching God in relationships, enof of the ‘3 questions to ask before saying I do’ ’10 ways to catch a man’ etc

    • Vanessa

      December 18, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      How does “no be everybody go get pikin” relate to the bible. Of course, not every couple will be able to have children, at least biological children.

    • Mo

      December 18, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Life happens dear. Are you saying there are no childless born again/God fearing Christians couples anywhere in the world? The reality of ‘When you pass through fire I will be with you..etc’ Is different things to different people. Let’s not approach Christianity from a know it all(bodering on arrogance) angle.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:17 pm

      @okoro, I am a christian too and there are equally a lot of promises the Bible which many people are not enjoying. It doesn’t make God a liar, but at the same time, we cannot deny that some of those things happen. For instance, the Bible didn’t say that anybody will be born as siamese twins, but some people do. I am not trying to contradict the Bible, just saying that though it isn’t God’s will, some bad things still happen all over the world.

  15. martinson oluwaseun

    December 18, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    fantastic…I think this is about the best of its kind that I’ve read yet…when I saw it, I was expecting the usual BS…good job

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:18 pm

      Thanks Seun. I am glad you enjoyed it

  16. ednutey

    December 18, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    Toby,nice write-up as always,
    I think there should be a caveat somewhere below so some people don’t go and reprint this and start asking their intended like they are in an exam hall.These questions shld pop-up at different times as the case or mood arises, e.g you dont go asking ur guy or girl after u overheard a heated argument btwn his/her parents if they are in good terms or if this is how they always are.

    Apply wisdom biko!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:21 pm

      Hahahahaha @ printing and asking Waec questions. You are right. This stuff can be fun if done properly. I always advocate friendship before feelings. When you are friends, you will know the answer to these things easily, even without having to ask directly sometimes. Like you rightly said, wisdom is needed

  17. Single Shalewa, Bitter Bintu!

    December 18, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    I really agree with the sexuality and marriage part. Some women in this Lagos have ended or about to end with bisexual men (no disrespect to those men) without having a clue. Ask him questions, in fact, ask him if he’d sleep with a man for $1M (jokingly). If he says yes, I guess you know what you’re getting into already. But to get the real answer, let him know before hand that you have nothing against queer men – you love them actually.

    Secondly, ask if he’s married. No, don’t just stop at “do you have a girlfriend”. If he says no he doesn’t have a girlfriend – and you later find out he’s married, no he didn’t lie to you – he only withheld information – he’s justified cos you didn’t ask if he was married.

    A close relative jammed one wanker last year, barely 32 year old dude, Lagos fine boy, Yoruba demon. Dated (wasted my cousin’s time) for about 18months, my cousin too was hiding him, doing “you’ll meet him when we’re ready” but her close friends and siblings knew him. Na so we jam the negro at her 30th birthday, we were all expecting proposal. My hubby just looked stunned all through. Ashey weyrey na one of the diesel suppliers at his office, my husband even attended his baby’s christening. This son of a gun stayed the whole event and even chatted with my husband for some time. Hubby asked if my cousin knew cos he wasn’t wearing his wedding band that night. He replied “she has an idea”. I called my cousin the next day to tell her. She had “heartbreakt typhoid” for 2 weeks.
    Please ask!!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      lol @ withholding information. Shebi that’s part of being diplomatic? Lwkm. Asking direct questions is better anytime and day.

    • Tosin

      December 19, 2015 at 2:05 am

      lol, he’s intoe oil and gas, you now called him a supplier – mean 🙂

    • RON

      December 21, 2015 at 10:23 am

      LMAO @ Heartbreak Typhoid

  18. Gp

    December 18, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    Toby, I love the funny twist you always put in your write ups, makes them enjoyable to read.

  19. mo

    December 18, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Add this to it. If we have kids who will name them. This almost tore my marriage apart when I had my two kids.

    • Californiabawlar

      December 18, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Interesting!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:49 am

      Californiabawler. This commet of yours is ‘omiminous’ (no ask me the meaning o). I dey wait for your real comment. By the way where is Jcsgirl, MSA, slice, bleed blue and the rest? Your comments and atoke/isio’s articles are what endeared me to BN in the first place

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      December 21, 2015 at 12:11 am

      Tobs (& no, that’s not my auto-correct taking over)… some of us have started settling into the spirit of the holidays, properly… & damn if it doesn’t feel delicious. ?

      Praying the entire BN fam are looking forward to a joyful, restful Christmas break. ❤️

  20. Single Shalewa, Bitter Bintu!

    December 18, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Oh wow!! @mo. We don’t have kids yet but hubby is definitely with me naming our kids. Funny he thinks it’s wrong for grandpas to name kids and have the names stick. He says it’s not in their place to do so, Oh boy!

    • B

      December 19, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      Why would the grandparents be naming their grandchildren in the first place.

  21. ella

    December 18, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Nice write up.wish everyone learns from this. Found out my first bf was using a fake name after 3 whole years of dating in d same school fa. Lied about every damn thing. We never saw outside school, he never got calls from immediate family,etc. I thank God I ran for my life no Mata how late. My fear now is that he’s one of dem ‘abiku’ cos we DID it. That aside sha,im 25 now and happily married to d husband of life,plus expecting my baby real soon.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 21, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      I am so happy for you Ella.

  22. ednutey

    December 18, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    Sure its not limited to these questions, there are Health n Hereditary Illnesses that should be asked, the Genotype, Bloodgroup, etc.

    • iphie

      December 18, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      Dats true.did stuff has raised so much dust and broken potential marriages.I don’t even want to bring up d already married and struggling to keep it togeda…but like someone said,”if there’s trust and intimacy in a relationship, it stands a better chance at excelling.” However for me,the most important is d relationship with God…what doctrine do you and your partner practice? If it’s different, oh well…

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Iphie you are right on every count. Alikirim your comment (hope you understand my engl-igbo). It is usually surprising how these ‘little differences’ end up beoming the mole hills that turn to insurmountable mountains later on.

  23. Confused

    December 18, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    I’m confused. What type of media outlet is bellanaija? a blog? tabloid? news media? i am so tired of these same marriage, virginity, miscarriage and cheating husband articles. These types articles always garner the most comments. Forgive me for asking but are these the topics Nigerians are only concerned about? Maybe not all Nigerians but whatever demographic this outlet caters to. Bellanaija, please upgrade your articles a bit!

  24. Agy

    December 18, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    In fact this is true. I met this guy in Canada I was even prepared and set for the future with him until I found out he is married with a baby boy. I was dumb founded, it hurts alot but I am getting better by the day. Ladies, Google out a guy, find his information however you can before you make any decisions. Very importantly pray that you will not be deceived by evil men pretending to be Christians

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 18, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      Your comment, especially the praying part deserves to be printed out Agy. Because no matter the kain question wey you ask, person wey don determine say em go deceive you, go still do am. In that case, there’s need for divine intervention. So umunnem na umunnam (my brothers and sisters), prayers are very necessary in this too o

  25. SVT

    December 18, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    Great write up but my question concerning the surprise marriage one. Please let nobody shoot me o (cos una mouth fi kill person), I know in the states marriage is a public record so I can look up a persons name in my state/city and know if they are married. Is this also possible in naija or is it a headache on its own to try to get that information. iz just a question o. Becos as a certified FBI agent I always look up name of any guy that comes near me to yarn “iz like I’m beginning to like you” story. So even if anything comes up I tell myself I did my due diligence and sought information.

  26. Toby Nwazor

    December 18, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    Thanks Gp.

  27. Phillis

    December 18, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    You see, most times the response one gets are more in theory than practical. People tend to tell you want u want to hear in such situations. While others have come to master d art of pretence until they have u put in d family way. Na God go help us oo!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 21, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      You are right on all counts dear. Many times though, it is possible to know when one is being lied to. It is just that many times some of us tend to condition our minds. We make up our minds and then ask these questions just to fulfill all righteousness. Many times we give these people the evidence of doubt when the kinda doubts their answers stir up does not deserve any evidence. It is always advisable in these situations to seek counsel from someone you trust who is not in love with said boo/bae. This person will be able to see through the lies and manipulation if the need arise.

      Thanks for reading and making out time to comment Phillis

  28. Chizzy

    December 18, 2015 at 11:13 pm

    In as much as these questions are important, I believe strongly in the leading of the Holy Spirit.
    I remember I nearly dated a gay guy. But thank God who delivered me.

    People lie, people change t, we can only do our best as humans and depend on God for further direction..
    I will definitely keep those 21 questions in mind however

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 10:33 am

      Thank God for your life Chizzy. I remember reading a story of that kinda situation. It is terrible

  29. chikky

    December 18, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    Interesting! For those that thinks it doesn’t matter. It does!!! Look b4 u dakpuru n’ime gutter.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:55 am

      My dear o. Oo these little things that don’t matter that end up becoming matters arising tomorrow. Make you no fall inside gutter shaa o, ike m ga eji doputa mmadu adirom (i no get strength to begin draw pesin out) lol

  30. Nkem

    December 18, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    I asked 80% of this questions to my ex, they don’t always tell you the truth. I always ask people I’m dating if they are married or have kids, in my case he said no to both. We dated for almost 2 years and he still never owned up to it. I found out by accident while trying to upload and edit videos on his mac. They are very important questions but a man who is a player and wants to deceive you will have all the right answers. The way I see it, you ask then ask God to open your eyes.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 9:59 am

      My dear, at the end, my firm belief is that God will not allow his son or daughter to make a mistake as grievious as marrying the wrong person. Most times, God will always show you red flags. It is just that this thing called love dey do person many things. Em fit reduce pesin IQ from 170 to 17. Worse still, if sex is involved, person brain will relocate form the head to the groin. And in such cases, it is only years later, na em pesin go dey ask emself, “what was I thinking”?

      It’s well shaa, ask the questions. Chuo aja ka ikpe ma ndi mmuo (do your part and leave the rest for God)

  31. arabella

    December 19, 2015 at 2:26 am

    After reading the first two questions I had the distinct feeling of deja vu. Then it hit me (no pun intended) the titles and most of the wording are comedian Steve Harvey’s from the book ‘Act like a lady, Think like a man’. Granted Toby has added one or two sentences but passing off someone elses work as your own is appalling. As much as we, the readers, are crying out for well thought out and written pieces we cannot be encouraging plagairism and expecting to progress as a country. Bellanaija do better by not encouraging such practices or at least have the courtesy to quote the source of this copy and past job otherwise #boycottbellanaija might become my new battlecry.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 10:07 am

      Seriously? Normally I don’t try to defend myself or my writings when we (I or it) come under attack, but this accusation is about my integrity so i need to speak up.

      Annabel dear, I understand where you are coming from and I detest plagiarism. First of all, there is nothing new under the sun. Even Steve Harvey got his ideas from somewhere or a collection of places.

      Secondly, I have never read the said book (which is surprising as I read a lot). I have the movie though, but that must be like two years ago or more.

      That said, I DID NOT copy Steve Harvey! Maybe I borrowed some ideas from him indirectly (for crying out loud when you need any information, your brain regurgitates them), but I DIDN’T copy him.

      Thanks for reading by the way.

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 19, 2015 at 10:08 am

      Sorry I called you annabel arabella

  32. Yvonne

    December 19, 2015 at 9:30 am

    Nice one Tobi….”Fresh from d oven”

  33. Maria

    December 19, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Love Toby article…. Is good to ask questions but some naija men can lie through through their mothers ass…….. Here in London you have a group of married men that rent apartment to take their girlfriends in turns, making those women think they are single.. They even change their pictures frame.. Do your investigation well

    • Annienonymous

      December 21, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      This is so true!! I know a married guy who rents a two bed apartment with his friends. They take it in turns to take their side chics there and these girls have no clue the guys are married. It is scary! Na when the guy dey toast me and I asked him where he’ll be shagging me that he opened up about the flat. God was on my side that day, because he had opened his mouth yakata before he realised that he had goofed! May God help us all!

  34. Gerald

    December 19, 2015 at 6:49 pm

    Beautifully worded and so true
    Nice one bro
    We need to understand that marriage is a serious business and needs prior planning

  35. arabella

    December 20, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    Dear Toby

    I apologize profusely for the allegation I leveled at you. I only read the first two headlines in bold and jumped to conclusions. I recognise that it is important that we don’t use online forums to tear each other down unjustifiably. Please forgive my haste

    Arabella

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 21, 2015 at 2:43 pm

      Offence was not taken in the first place my dear. Though I appreciate you clearing things up. I understand your stance against plagiarism too. It is as bad as piracy and should be condemned on every font.

      I wish you a merry xmas in advance.

  36. Chi!

    December 21, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Well done Toby! u ‘re simply awesome! I always rush to read ur articles n am neva disappointed. God bless u darl ! u’re truly gifted n u’re making positive impacts in our lives( ur fans) hav a Merry Xmas n a Prosperous New Year ahead!

    • Toby Nwazor

      December 21, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      I wish you the same darling. Thanks so much for the compliments. My head just got bigger, I hope it will still enter the christmas cap I bought. Lol.

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