“Whaaaat!” I screamed in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”
“Toby he’s been married for three years, and I am just finding out today.”
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “Then what was he coming to you for naa”, I asked in shock.
“Ask me again Toby, ask me ooo.” At this point she was almost in tears.
As far as I am concerned, my friend was lucky to have found out when she did. For many people, some of these shocks take place only after marriage.
Some of these situations can be avoided to a large extent if we put our feelings aside and ask our partner some sincere questions before making any major decision in our relationships.
I have written below 21 questions you should ask before you say “I do”. Many of them are weird, but based on recent happenings; one can never be too sure. For the purpose of emphasis, I must say that “Baby you know I love you” is not the answer to any of these questions. So friends, let’s dive in and explore.
What is your real name?
Candy, Sonsy or Jimmy is usually not a real name for most Nigerians. (Of course there are exceptions). Find out your boo/bae’s real (and village) names, so that if e come get as e be, you go know where to begin trace things.
Are your parents together?
This question isn’t meant to judge, but for you to know what to expect and be prepared. These people will be your children’s grandparents (hopefully). Are they divorced, separated, estranged, cat-and-dog, or living happily together?
What do you do?
If she is a student, find out which school, course and expected year of graduation. If he is a business man, find out the type of business. If he is working, ask for the name of the organization and for how long. By the way, ‘hustling’ without any further definition, is not an occupation.
When can I meet your folks?
This one takes a lot of guts especially for ladies. But nne eh this question may be what will determine how long you will be the star actor of ‘Lord of the Rings’.
What do you do when you get mad?
Do you curse, sulk, hit people or break things when you get mad? You need to know about this now to avoid stories of “I fell down the stairs” tomorrow.
How much do you make?
Please don’t be shy about this. This is someone you are planning to build a future with. You need to have an idea of what his/her income looks like on the average so as to make feasible plans.
Do you smoke and/or drink?
To some people, this isn’t a big deal while to some, it is. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
Where do you live?
Dear sister, if he is still living with his parents or squatting with a friend’s nephew’s brother’s cousin, you need to know. If he is living in a face-me-I-slap-you compound, you need to know too, so you can start getting ready for the communal life and compound fights.
What do you like eating?
This is equally for guys and not just ladies. At least you will know what to prepare (or buy) when you want to give him/her a treat.
How many kids do you want?
Two cannot work together unless they agree. It is important to have an agreement here to avoid misunderstanding tomorrow.
What if none comes?
Yes, “God forbid”, and “it is not our portion”. But let’s face it, no be everybody go get pikin. So suck it up and ask the question. “What happens if no kids come the first few years of the marriage? What if only girls or only boys come? Will you get another wife? Or will you keep trying until you have 12 daughters?”
Do you have inheritance or investments?
My take is this. If you can trust someone enough to agree to spend the rest of your life together and to naked before the pesin, you suppose trust that pesin with everything, including your investments.
What is your sexual orientation?
If you wish to avoid “had I known”, ask your boo/bae if he/she is heterosexual, bi-sexual, homosexual or into bestiality sef. Adighi amachazi ama nawadays (you can never know).
Do you have debts?
People choose a spouse for different reasons. Some marry to deliver their family from poverty. Some marry to get contracts, while some marry to pay off debts. If your boo/bae is owing $60,000 (#12,000,000) in tuition debts for instance, you should know beforehand.
What’s your view on body size/image?
You need to know if she can stand flabby arms, bald heads and/or pot bellies.
Similarly, find out if he can still love a woman who has Christian mothers’ arms (ndi nne maama) or a protruding stomach.
What’s your view on cooking and other domestic work?
Most ladies love getting pampered. Many of them will be disappointed if their husbands can’t cook or assist with domestic work. If you are one, ask him now, so you won’t have the wrong expectations that lead to unfulfilled relationships tomorrow.
And bros, you need to know if she can prepare anything else apart from bread/tea or Indomie. What about cleaning, sweeping, washing, etc. Now is the best time to decide if you will need to employ chefs, cleaners or helps.
What is your career plan?
He may be working in a bank today, but planning to become a pastor tomorrow.
Or maybe she is a Civil servant today but plans to become a politician tomorrow. Can you cope?
What are your sexual fantasies?
Does he/she expect oral sex, anal sex, bondage, threesomes, sex-tapes etc? Stop being shy and ask, so you don’t get the shock of your life after wedding.
What are your religious views?
Without a good mutual understanding, having different religious views can break up an otherwise good relationship. For Christians, this includes church doctrines.
Do you have a child?
It is better to know this and prepare for the drama that comes with baby mamas/papas beforehand.
Are you married?
Put your feelings aside and ask this all important question. If they are divorced, ask for details. There is a big difference between divorced and about-to-be divorced.
Have you ever ended a relationship because of the answer to any of these questions? Have you ever received shocks from your boo/bae or ex-boo/bae? Please share your experience in the comments section.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Tracy Hornbrook