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Tosin Akingboye: Thinking of Cutting People Off Before the New Year? Pause & Read This!

Tomisin Magz

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There was a picture that was everywhere late last year – it was about cutting unnecessary people off in the New Year. 98% of the females on my BBM used this picture as their display picture. If I remember correctly, it had to do with cutting off liars, haters, backstabbers, jealous friends e.t.c. At first, it was amusing but then later, I found it quite annoying. It seemed everybody was ready to point fingers at everyone but themselves.

Now it is almost the end of 2015, I have seen various tweets, Instagram posts, Display Picturess that are similar,  and I’ve started wondering when we are ever going to stop blaming other people for the bad things in our life.

Believe me, I’m a Yoruba woman to the core so I believe that some things can be diabolical/extra-terrestrial. However, I would be stupid to say I didn’t pass a particular course because a friend was hating on me; knowing fully well that I didn’t prepare adequately.

I also believe that there are people whose spirits don’t work well with yours (even before reading Isio’s post, I’ve always been a staunch believer of that) but I try not to get to the point of looking at everybody but myself!

I knew of different people while I was in school, who changed group of friends every semester because they believed those friends were in a way responsible for their CGPA. Of course, bad companies corrupt good manners but Yorubas have a saying; won ko mi ni ika, mo gba. Mo ti ni sinu tele ni (they taught me wickedness and I accepted, I must have had it in me before).

I once overheard a mini argument between a husband & a wife who were once our neighbours. It started out as a joke; she was teasing him that he was yet to build a house after several years of working. He took it serious and claimed it was ogun idile baba (his father’s family evil people) that was behind the whole thing. At this point, the wife started pointing out all his siblings who are from the same father’s family who have built their own houses.  She reminded him of the number of times she was even ready to help him with down payment for lands e.t.c. At this point, the man had to keep quiet.

I grew up seeing / hearing people blame father’s family, mother’s family, wife’s family, husband’s family, siblings etc for their misfortune. They forget that there is part they contributed themselves. Do not fold your hands, choose not to read for an exam / promotion exam and then blame your colleague / teacher / boss if you fail!

So before you cut off people this year, ask yourself these questions:

  • “Have I really worked towards making my life better this year?”
  • “Have I been a better friend?”
  • “Am I guilty of what I want to cut them off for?”
  • “Have I hated on anyone this year?”
  • “Before I blame this person, am I sure the blame is not totally mine?”

I have learnt that it is very easy to shift the blame on every other person but us.

On a lighter note, we should not be like that proverbial person who went ahead to use palm oil as body cream despite knowing that his enemies had roasting plans for him.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Ocusfocus 

I am not a professional writer but I love expressing myself through words. I have an insane love for Mathematics & Chemistry (Organic Chemistry especially). My hobbies; reading romantic novels, cooking, gisting, watching movies & sleeping….lol! And oh! I LOVE ice cream.

25 Comments

  1. Dolly

    December 17, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    And my favorite tune is “It aint nothing to cut that bisssh off”
    Thing is sometimes being nice and keeping this absolute no value acquaintance brings on unwanted baggage and drama, so yea every year comes with reflection, checks & balances and goals. If you aint sh$t, I’m not keeping you on my friend roll.

  2. brown-ice

    December 17, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    Whatever man! My main new year resolution is to cut off those stingy people off my lives wey their money be like audio(I dey hear, I no dey see). And also be celibate 😀 it won’t be easy I know

    • Iris

      December 17, 2015 at 9:43 pm

      On the other hand, people with money may want to cut off other people who want to only hang around and collect their hard earned money.

    • brown-ice

      December 18, 2015 at 1:11 am

      The last time I checked, there’s love in sharing. Besides, what are friends or family for if not for inconveniences 😀

  3. Uwamukiza

    December 17, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    I love this!! Mmh… it actually had me thinking about the part I might have played in the situation that caused me to chop off a friend….. Thanks for this….

  4. Mamacita

    December 17, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    Thought provoking! Mnnnn…

  5. The real D

    December 17, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    OK, that issh irritates me and if you are my friend on the only social media account I currently have and put up that nonesense up then you shall be getting a piece of my mind. You did not go announcing it when you had requested access to anyone’s page or when you accepted theirs. So why publicize it when you decide you are done with all of that for some reason best known to you??? Any mature person will simply just cut you off no tales by moonlight needed, neither is there any NTA nightly news broadcast needed for that. All that is for show or follow follow as the case may be

  6. www.thelmathinks.com

    December 17, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    I loved reading this. 2015, I cut people off and I was cut off by people and apparently I’m still standing. If there’s one thing i learnt this year it’s ‘the power of one’. Granted, no man is an island but being on my own and thriving even better than before has taught me that there’s so much power within, and sometimes we need to find ourselves alone before we realize just how strong (and resourceful) we are.
    2015; I cut people off and I was cut off by people, and I’ve never been happier.

    And yes, the part about looking within and being honest with oneself about the role we played in our own issues cannot be overstated.

    • Tomisin Magz

      Tomisin Magz

      December 18, 2015 at 7:58 am

      Thank you! The post isn’t about cutting people off or not….it is about cutting people off because one thinks they are the problem whereas one is oneself’s enemy. “I would be stupid to say I didn’t pass a particular course because a friend was hating on me; knowing fully well that I didn’t prepare adequately”

  7. friendasyougo

    December 17, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Me I don´t need to wait till the end of the year to do away with excess baggage people o,be you friend or family.
    Life is too short to deal with frienemies or familenemies,to me its pure torture.
    The worst are these obodoyibolivingnigerians!
    As long as I have my support system intact,pressing the delete button is fun o,no time for negative energy.

  8. Adalex

    December 17, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I feel inspired to contribute here. I’m new on BN.

    Someone who meant a lot to me decided to cut me off from her life because I became involved in discussing online politics. I noticed she kept ignoring my messages, and after a month and twelve days, I reached out again and told her to stop being manipulative by keeping me in the dark. She finally replied. She told me she didn’t want such dirty and negative spirit (of politics) contaminating her.

    Yes, not all friendships/relationships last forever….I don’t remember knowingly cutting off anyone, except they chose to walk. Other times, there was this mutual knowing that we had come to the end of the road….no hard feelings. If I erred, I’d do my best to make it up.

    I asked myself what I’d do if I were in her shoes.
    Would I cut off a passion simply because their views about life’s journey don’t agree with mine?
    What would make me cut off from a person, what would make me give up on them?

    I posted a reply to her which I’ll share with us…hopefully, one or more of us gets inspired. It’s abridged.

    Dear ——- do learn to set people free to live their lives. Love them irrespective of whatever they bring to the table….be the light to their “darkness”..when they come to you, do not selfishly turn them away. Ask the universe and heaven for grace and wisdom to deal with them. The path to complete, overwhelming light is not always lighted up….Sometimes, we go thru’ tunnels, gray and dark areas.

    That was what Jesus did. His light sucked up the darkness in the “filthy, dirty spirited people” he surrounded himself with.
    He did not give up on them.
    Daily, we are called to tow Jesus” path….wherever and whoever we find ourselves with.

    ‎So because people have chosen to make naija politics an eyesore, people who are passionate about the nation should keep quiet?
    Your view of “naija politcs” and your desire for control has caused you to exit my life.
    In the long run, I’d find that you’ve done me a favour.
    I will explore my passion for politics to the fullest and lend my voice where I desire.

    ‎I won’t let someone who obviously finds her “peace” from being “looked up to” and “listened to” kill my vibe.
    You’re not the kind of person I want around me.
    As you have moved on, it’s all for the better.
    As you have wished me well on my journey, I wish you well on yours too.

    Bye ——-

    • Cindy

      December 18, 2015 at 6:47 am

      Let me guess, you are a particular party’s apologist. I have your type on FB. He spews so much negativity it is irritating. You check your feeds for entertainment and you end up seeing another extreme rant from him. Guy, I won’t waste anytime to cut that kind of person of. You know why? You don’t have to be bitter or negative because you have a different view or opinion from others. A lot of people have differing political views including immediate family. However, the negativity is the problem , it has a way of rubbing off and making someone angry all the time. I call that bad spirit. If I was that your friend, I won’t waste time in cutting you off either. The light you are preaching, let it shine in you first.

    • mz_danielz

      December 18, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      And you guessed this from her response? she didn’t come across as a negative ranter to me oh but oh well….. different people, different views

    • KingsQueen

      December 18, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      I totally agree with you, i also had to block a ‘friend’ and delete her on every social platform because of all the negativity she attached to the political party she was against. Her updates rubbed me so wrong and i began to see her in a different light and decided to cut her off to save whatever little was left of the respect i had for her.

  9. bunmi

    December 17, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    “Cut dem off”

  10. Honeycrown

    December 17, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    I find those status/profile updates very juvenile especially with those people that you can always use their stays to profile their mood. You can tell when they are up, down, angry, religious, in/outta love etc. About 2 years ago, a friend cut me off because I couldn’t keep up with her love life emotional roller coaster. I literally saw the handwriting on the wall because she was notorious for putting up all those silly updates and memes but I wasn’t bothered. If I played any role in the breakup, I would assume it was my truthfulness and opinion about her relationships. The only thing that pained me small was that she beat me to the break up but really I could careless and I’ve not had any dramatic friend since then.

  11. Aprillaugh.net

    December 17, 2015 at 10:21 pm

    I don’t know which is funnier; the post or the comments. Lol! We go through this phase every year… I honestly don’t believe we have to wait till December to cut people off !

  12. Olanne

    December 18, 2015 at 12:09 am

    I was the friend that held everyone’s hands. I would weep for you, scream for you and cry for you but what i refused to do was ignore issues. I wanted us to discuss as mature adults. My friendship with Nigerian women as a Nigerian woman has taught me that sometimes, people will avoid issues because they are not matured enough. Forget age, they just refuse to acknowledge it. So i was cut off. I remember asking myself over and over again what i did wrong. It was like being cut from my sisters. I wanted answers and i never got it.

    Everyone is flawed and all those nonsense updates or memes trying to make yourself self-righteous is ridiculous. You sit and you discuss because friends disagree.

    Anyways, fast forward a few years later and i am free. I am happier. I am loving everything about me, i have very few people who love me for me and i am grateful for that. Honestly, being cut off by these people was the most liberating that has ever happened to me. I forgave them and i forgave myself, i forged ahead and i am happy. People hurt people. I know, i almost died because i felt so worthless and undervalued. Yes, i missed their weddings and i will miss all the promises we made of being bridesmaid and godmothers to our kids but i gained a better perspective and more amazing future. So, go ahead and cut people but remember, when they begin to shine and prosper that your pain you gave them fueled that.

    Peace.

    • nick

      December 18, 2015 at 10:04 am

      My dear. Im in your shoes. I am the ride or die friend. You fight with your man, we are fighting with him, some person disses you, yo, we were dissed, you cry, we cry. but i dont ignore issues. If you know something is wrong and you deliberately stick at it, omo mehn. i cant sit back and watch.

      I had a close friend but i just could not ignore the fact that she had a hand in some things that had gone wrong in her life, so i was honest and told her cos i didnt want her repeating same mistakes.

      Safe to say i was cutt off. She first said she was going on a hiatus and wanted to be alone and away from everyone but i noticed she was having fun n updating status dp of everyone else in her life. I confronted her n asked her why she said she needed a time off when she so clearly was very active on social media, n she says she was bk from her time of reflection (that didnt last 2 days)

      Lesson learnt – you dont need anyone that dont need you. If only women will realize that. My loyalty from now on will have to be earned!

    • Epilogue

      December 18, 2015 at 10:27 am

      She cut your nosy ass off. Good.

  13. Blueberry

    December 18, 2015 at 1:31 am

    I don’t wait for the end of the year to cut off people. These are things that happen year in, year out. Likewise, I have been cut off too. But hey, we are all still standing regardless. God still loves us all.
    Ever heard of the leaves, branches and roots of the tree advice from Madea? Some people are in your life to stay regardless (the roots) and most of the time they are few and dont need to be seen keeping you rooted and standing. Others are just there for a while (leaves and branches). They eventually go/fall off when the winds of life sway you in all directions.

  14. Jom

    December 18, 2015 at 3:35 am

    Well, cutting is a 2 way thing. Some people feel their friends have neglected them because they have arrived meanwhile they never asked what’s going on in their own lives. What about a situation you went out of your way to find out what’s happening to a friend despite putting a lot of things aside yourself and the person tells you he feels it’s best for him to reduce the communication level. For what reason you asked? I realized we are on different pages of life was the answer. Who doesn’t know that? I would just say, examine yourself very well first if you are not starting to harbor jealousy /envy or your self-esteem is ‘dripping’. In all, be at peace with all men.

  15. Deep Soul

    December 18, 2015 at 7:59 am

    All this cut off talk annoys me to no end. I do not cut people off. I can tone down my relationship with a person if necessary. The only reason I can accept for cutting off a person is if they try to physically harm me.

    I’m a very forward thinking woman who has zero time for drama (ain’t my husband lucky!).

    I believe everyone can be potentially important to me at some point.

  16. biols

    December 18, 2015 at 8:55 am

    you just note that as you are cutting off people so are you been cut off

  17. hauwa

    December 25, 2015 at 12:07 am

    Never burn bridges completely. U may need dat raggedy bridge made of old decaying wood to get to d oda side one day. I never completely cut off people except You choose to cut me off. Then, that’s ur bad luck!

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