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Chidinma Eke: The Ones We Let Get Away & the Ones We Got Away From

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When Olamide dragged Dbanj into his rant against Don Jazzy/ the organisers of the Headies awards, it sparked off an interesting conversation between myself and a friend. This friend went on to analyse Mavin’s ‘Oga Titus’ track as a diss track towards Dbanj; I had no idea (LASTMA! I know, and I have no idea if this is true…if it was what the Mavins intended in recording that track, or if this was just a figment of my friends’ hyperactive imagination). We got into the Don Jazzy/Mavin (or Movits) vs. Dbanj post Mohits discussion. I am of the opinion that Dbanj hasn’t fared very badly post Mohits. Yes, the hits might not be there anymore but the endorsements are mouthwatering. My friend pointed out that as a musician (or entertainer as Dbanj refers to himself), you are only as good as your last hit, and in a few years Dbanj will fade and lose his endorsements if he continues without hits. I had to agree, because I can’t sing a line of Dbanj’s post Mohits release tracks, and same goes for a few people I know. We might never know what went wrong in that relationship, probably; only Don Jazzy and Dbanj know those details, but that’s not what this article is about.

That discussion got me thinking about the ones we let get away and the ones we’ve gotten away from. At the time of the separation, there probably was ‘something or somebody that looked like a better deal (Kanye in this instance)’, and we couldn’t wait to get on the ride only to realize that it’s a one chance ride headed nowhere!

We’ve all made those life changing decisions; that relationship we ditched for a person or people we’ve perceived as being better than our present, and this transcends opposite sex relationships; we’ve abandoned friends of the same sex for others we feel are better suited to our current needs or would help in actualizing our needs. Even in our careers, we’ve abandoned a job or career path in favor of one which looks better, only to discover a short while later that it’s all a lie.

I’m of the opinion that if the grass on the other side looks greener, it’s because people on the other side are standing knee-deep in manure. Someone on the other side is tending lovingly to the grass for it to thrive. So what we ought to do rather than abandon our yard for another (and perhaps not be able to take the stench of manure), is to work on our side of the fence and nurture our grass lovingly (in relating this to human relationships, this doesn’t go for abusive relationships; in that case; you need to get out yesterday).
Let’s also talk about the moments we’ve hesitated, and something went wrong, or perhaps not the way we would have wanted it to. We all know the idle hand is the devil’s work tool, it’s no secret nature hates vacuum; so the moment there’s a vacuum anywhere, you can count on mischief to fill it. Using the movie ‘The Perfect Guy’ as an example; I’m of the opinion that had Morris Chestnut’s character- Dave not created a vacuum in Leah’s life (played by Sanna Lathan), she wouldn’t have been open to Carter (Micheal Ealy), who turned out to be everything but ‘The Perfect Guy’. Dave’s delay in seizing the day ended up costing him his life.

It’s a classic that at the beginning of the year, we are all fired up about the ‘new year, new me’ thing, with our resolutions all on fleek; cut out time wasters in my life, ditch that bad habit and pick up yoga, study for that professional exam, get a better job, etc!

The list is endless; but in the midst of all this ‘new me’ decisions, how do we keep from making the ones that will define us negatively forever? I’m all for second chances, but they are some decisions you just cannot return from.
So, how do we know the right choices to make, when to keep playing, hold, fold and walk away? The safest thing to do might probably be to hold on, and see how it goes, but, some relationships are toxic, headed nowhere and are classic time wasters. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, some relationships are just meant for a duration and you move on (and no that doesn’t equal using people).

Also, there are some relationships we quit with the hope of a better future only to realise that we were the ones holding that other person down (yes, we can also be pulling down spirits to others!) From the example of Don Jazzy and Dbanj; most people probably expected Dbanj to fare better, he was leaving local behind and going international, but the reverse has been the case. The one left behind went on to thrive; Don Jazzy found his voice (how many of us remember those days when Don Jazzy didn’t speak in public and Dbanj was his mouth piece? Now Don Jazzy sings!), signed on more artistes and by all accounts is doing well for himself, Dbanj…I don’t know how well he is doing as an artiste.

So, fellow Bellanaijarians, share your stories on the ones you let get away, the ones you got away from and the moments you hesitated; in our interpersonal relationships, friendships, career, and in all spheres of life. Did you fare better, did you regret your actions and how did you self-correct?

Also, we could share stories of the ones we left behind who went on to fare better and how it made us feel. Have a great week, and like Atoke will say; peace, love and cupcakes!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Chinma Eke is a story teller with a hyperactive imagination, who gets inspiration from most everything; from events, to Lagos traffic to bath water temperature. She’s passionate about writing, children education, and buying and selling (in no particular order). She writes at www.chinmaeke.wordpress.com, and is @chinmaeke across all social media.

15 Comments

  1. Bitumen

    January 12, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    True Story not super story o.
    Was in a relationship with a fine young lady called my bae. I had the opportunity to visit my female best friend from uni in another country. Best friend was single after breaking up with her boyfriend of four years after he impregnated someone else(How Cliché).We spent time together .Even though she knew i was in a relationship, the connection was like that of a new couple. We kissed (no sex o) and she told me she loved me and i told her i loved her too. Happiest days of my life. I couldn’t date two women (even though I am Yoruba I am not a Yoruba demon). Miss official Girlfriend had not done anything wrong. I knew i felt more comfortable and more in love/understanding with my best friend over the years. So i told best friend i can’t date her because I didn’t want to break my baes heart. She was crushed and even gave me time to change my mind to no avail. I confessed the kissing incident to my bae when I got back home. She was sad but she forgave me. Bae broke up 2 years after saying she doesn’t love me anymore(no spark were her words) and she got married less than a year after the break up(She invited me to the wedding but I didn’t go). Best friend also got married the same year ex bae got married. I learnt that Honest love pays over devoted love all day as honest love is sincere and truthful which is what I had with my best friend but I chose to be loyal to my bae.I saw it as a bad thing to make someone sad to build my own happiness which is why I didn’t choose my best friend. I was young and naïve and I eventually got schooled by bae.Fast forward to present day, IN the words of OJB, I am the one whos still searching…

    • Cocolette

      January 12, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Awww ?

    • Chinma Eke

      January 13, 2016 at 10:43 am

      Awww! Pele. You will find your own true love.

  2. peperempe

    January 12, 2016 at 11:27 pm

    @ bitumen……….. i’m searching too o, just to let you know

    • bn lover

      January 13, 2016 at 9:19 am

      Peperempe are you angeline the perempe….lol

    • Cocolette

      January 13, 2016 at 1:16 pm

      @bitumen…please search and reach sisi peperempe’s side, u never can tell, it might be the birth of #peperempebitumen2016 #bnweddings #instaweddingfab #wdnweddings and all them numerous hashtags

  3. Californiabawlar

    January 13, 2016 at 4:16 am

    Chai! Ojb’s I’m the one who’s searching…
    Letme start with the ‘easy’ one:
    Careerwise, in 2014 I made the hardest decision ever and quit my job….I was so scared, I felt like I was letting something good (reallllly good money) go for the possibility of something that MIGHT be great…long term, in like…4years. Well, with oil at $30.58 (to be precise)….I’m glad I walked away when I did. My current situation might not have been the easiest journey so far, but I’m planning on making it work this year.

    Now, romantically speaking….hmmn! The bae that got away got married this last Christmas…. I was just numb! I felt nothing. We’d been at it for almost a decade…been through numerous relationships and a failed long term engagement, so I was always ready for this….kinda. I know I’m the one he let get away too…he wants us to pretend like nothing happened…I’m like yo! You just got married fam…stop texting….every single day!
    Well now he has, at least for the last few days… I feel like such a terrible human being that I even noticed…he’s married now…even thinking about him is a sin.
    @Bitumen, I join you chorusing OJB’s searching…a partner calls you a few days to their wedding sobbing and confessing their undying love to you….I’m there on the other side like, brah, you’re the one who’s getting hitched, I’m the one who’s searching….who should be crying?
    Ain’t that a b$!tch?

  4. Rose

    January 13, 2016 at 7:21 am

    Awwwww soooo sad….all I can say is if you truly loved him and vice versa…then you should have told him not to get married…. Yes I know it sounds cruel…but I think long term his now wife will feel better than being in a loveless marriage…. But o well too late I guess…. God bless you all

  5. bafe

    January 13, 2016 at 8:43 am

    When will Dbanj stop being d industry whipping boy? If Fealling d Nigga is not a hit then what is a hit . In any case Tuface had not gotten a hit song for some years now and nobody is celebrating it. Psquare has no super hit last year and nobody talk about it ! Stop waiting for Dbanj exit !

    • Puzzles

      January 13, 2016 at 9:26 am

      Take a chill pill. The post isn’t about Dbanj. Don’t start the Dbanj – Don Jazzy argument i take God beg u

  6. YUMMY CHICK CUM MUMMY

    January 13, 2016 at 10:34 am

    M the one got away………..lol…..long story. Dbanj is doing good by famzing in politics .n making money. thou his singing is dead o buh he is making money…so who cares…… in any case he can always remix his hit songs back in the days……

  7. enigma

    January 13, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    A cousin and I were talking a few days ago about how our parents are not exactly helpful in the letting go matter and he shared a story of a lady in his church. The lady dated a guy for over 5 years and at some point, she decided to call it off because not only wasn’t it healthy emotionally, it wasn’t going anywhere. Because both parents were members of the same Church, they decided to call a meeting of both families to try and settle the matter.
    When they asked the lady why she wanted to end such a perfect relationship, she told them that the guy had been cheating on her for a very long time. And to her face!!! What the guy’s mother told her was, “you should be happy he still comes home to you”. And her own mother advised her to stay cos the money was good.
    Long story short, she ended it and moved on. Her mother has still not forgiven her for leavin a loaded guy for a “pauper “. It was so bad that she didn’t attend her daughter’s wedding. The girl is as happily married as she can be. And the guy is “the one who’s searching”.

  8. Ever Green

    January 13, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    He invited me to meet his parents during the festive season and the attitude I got was mixture of cold/warm , warm from his dad and cold for his mum and I was just pinching my self, I love this guy but I pray to God that his mum will accepts me, her reasons are not just too flimsy but I want her to accept me because I really love her son and he is encouraging me not to worry and that is the only hope for now but if she does not accept then it is time to fly………the year is still new and I cant help it but to cry….. I don’t know but it hurt so bad

    • Ch

      January 13, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      I feel you @Ever Green. Story of my life, dad likes you, mum doesn’t. Unfortunately, his mum had so much influence over him and we broke up about 5 years ago. I’m still single, waiting for Mr Right to find me. I know he’s not married cos I still speak with his cousin but that’s about it. I have refused to stalk him and know all the little details like if he’s seeing someone, if it’s srs or not. Mine will come and I wish him the best too….

  9. kanni ladel

    January 19, 2016 at 9:58 am

    You people are just using all in your disposal to bring down Dbanj. Name all the hits under Mohits record… Dbanj sang Top of the world, Blame it on the money, Omini, Knocking on my door, Feeling the Nigga and its remix, Confidential, Extraordinary, The king is here etc after leaving Mohits. If you dont listen to them in Nigeria, we listen to them here and most of these tracks are better by standard than the so called hits under Mohits records. Don Jazzy and many producers / artistes have been releasing all tracks sounding alike and you people have been praising them. Dbanj is more dynamic in his style than any other Nigerian artistes. You people are all hypocrite. You are biased. Leave Dbanj alone. Now he released Emergency many of you are saying that is a hit because he sounded like Fela or what??? He has released better tracks than Emergency. He is definitely and still on top of the game. He still reigns

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