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Adaeze Obiako: If You Were Single and Sad on Valentine’s Day



dreamstime_l_39231188You might have hoped that by this time, this year, your single status would have changed but it didn’t.

You’re disappointed.

You might have gone on Instagram and seen pictures of ladies and gents “booed up” with their significant others on that “day of love”, while you sat at home alone watching The Notebook, eating a large pepperoni pizza, and possibly shedding a bucket load of few tears.

You’re lonely.

You might have felt your family and friends recently giving you the “how sad…she’s still a poor, single gal” look that makes for quite the discomfort.

You’re ashamed.

You might have looked in the bathroom mirror this morning just to see a new line or wrinkle has crept up on your face, reminding you that not only have you crossed the 30 year mark, you’re also physically “depreciating” as the age rolls in. Who will want to be with you now?

You’re afraid.

So, what are you to do with yourself?

One option: tell the truth.

You’re allowed to say that you don’t like being single – if you don’t. You’re allowed to say that you desire to be married – if you do. You’re allowed to say that you are afraid of possibly being single forever – if you are.

You don’t owe anyone to be “single and happy” on Valentine’s Day…or any other day.

However, you might owe it to yourself to be “single and actively working on my personal & spiritual development”.

So that if and when your single status changes to “taken”, you’ll find yourself equipped to be more of a blessing to that person than a burden.

Consider that the real sadness isn’t being single on Valentine’s Day…or any other day. Consider that the real sadness is waking up years down the road, struggling in your marriage, to find out there was so much wisdom, growth, and enjoyment you could have gained when single that would have helped your future relationship but instead you missed out on because all your energy was spent praying away the gift that was your single period.

But never mind what I think.

What do you think?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Adaeze Diana is a freelance writer, copy-editor, speaker, and vision coach who helps young Christian women feeling depressed/hopeless discover who they are and why they exist so that they can learn how to enjoy more fulfilling and fruitful lives. She blogs about the spiritual lessons she's learned at You can follow Adaeze on Twitter and Google+.


  1. ladyb

    February 21, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    This was me sigh. THANK YOU

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 12:52 am

      You’re welcome, ladyb…I’m guessing this was A LOT of folks 🙂

  2. D1heKept4Me

    February 21, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    The thought of marriage scares me, though i desire it. I’m single and i love my freedom. lately, ive been reading about marriage to know what it really entails as opposed to just one facet of the journey. II’m tired of rushing into things and feeling empty hmm….I’m looking to build friendship first as opposed to having a boo for the sake of have a boo (lol). In fact i’m tired of doing it my way, it’s in God’s hands now, let him surprise me in his own time ( can be hard trusting/being patient). Preoccupied with school at the moment. Le the timing be like that of Olajumoke Orisaguna!!!

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 1:04 am

      The thought has scared me also…still does at times. I like that you mentioned building friendship first instead of just having a boo for the sake of having one…and leaving it to God’s timing (sounds like WISDOM to me 🙂

  3. Toyo

    February 21, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    This is exactly what I need

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 12:53 am

      I’m glad the post was useful to you, Toyo 🙂

  4. Tolu

    February 21, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    I think being engaged or married and sad on Val’s day is worse.

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 12:57 am

      Now that’s definitely a step worse…goodness no.

  5. Truth!!!!

    February 21, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    This is so true. Many times we lament about situations and forget to take advantage of whatever it is we are facing. Then when we pass that stage we miss it. I’m single and learning to love myself, know myself and work like the writer aptly said on my personal and spiritual development. Yeah sometimes I miss being dotted on by a significant other but oh well, until then I’m gonna rock singlehood.

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 12:58 am

      Good for you!! I’m hoping to take even greater advantage of my single period as well 🙂

    • Lizabeth

      February 22, 2016 at 12:35 pm


  6. Singlemum

    February 21, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    Well I thought I was going to be alone and sad on val’s day, tbh I have never really had an outstanding val day. So this guy likes me and practically begged me to see him on val’s day( I was going to see him way before val but with work and my forever busy weekends I just couldn’t find the time). Although I was actually going to see him the day before val but I had a party to attend. Anyway so we met up he gave me an iPhone 6( I already have one) & some Jimmy choo for Valentine tbh I was embarrassed because I never expected anything infact we already agreed no presents (due to us meeting on val’s day and it was our first date). So I had the best val to date and that’s FACT!

    Now he wants me to be his gf, but I’m not even interested in a relationship this year, I’m too busy with my career and my son. He is sweet tho and he is doing a pretty good job of trying to convince me by agreeing to my rules of no sex and etc. But I don’t want a man *sigh*

    • Olu

      February 21, 2016 at 8:23 pm

      What did u give him?

    • bn lover

      February 22, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Aproko……E concern u????

    • Nothing

      February 22, 2016 at 10:23 am

      Nothing definitely.
      See single mum wey man dey beg, she dey do shakara
      That is how people miss their God sent angels
      Wen pretty single girls with no kid dey there dey look for that opportunity
      by the time the guy goes now, the percentage of “provide a boo” will increase by 1% next year

      Human beings sha, never contented

    • kemmie

      February 22, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      @singlemum sxuse ma, please what exactly do you want? when the man goes now, your eyes would come down…..The man is making an effort, come on!

    • Singlemum

      February 22, 2016 at 8:30 pm

      Well I’m taking my time to get to know him, if I rush and jump on him now and he messes up big time, you people will be he first to call me names that I was too desperate etc that how can I make a mistake twice. World people you cannot please them. Well I have told him what I want and expect in a relationship and he has agreed(over agreed self) but I’m not going to make it easy for him by just being his gf just because he wants me nar, I don’t roll like that let him wait and keep chasing. He said he will wait till I’m ready, right now I’m too scared of guys because they all lie and shi, plus I can’t bring myself to open up my heart again because I’m scared of being heartbroken. This year I made a decision to GET MONEY via my career but then this guy comes along and is ready and willing to do it all. What’s a girl to do so confused. Il keep watching him tho because I have told him I don’t need his words I need actions.

  7. hadassah

    February 21, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    That was totally me. Thanks for reminding me about these things I already know but seem to forget every now and again. God bless you

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 12:59 am

      Anytime Hadassah…God bless you too 🙂

  8. miss pee

    February 21, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    I wasn’t that lonely per se, but I felt the need for a relationship anyways. I pray the right man comes I can’t settle for less than I deserve. I’m developing myself physically, mentally, spiritually and mentally @ the moment.

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 1:06 am

      Like you I wasn’t lonely on Val’s Day…I enjoyed it. With that being said, hopefully the right one will come for us both in due time 🙂

  9. anonymous

    February 21, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    The writer should have a like button BN. Nice write up.

  10. Mz_daniels

    February 21, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    So I’m here trying hard not to call someone I know is a demon. It’s been one week and I’ve been going strong.

    I met him last year, we gisted and started sthg, the bobo started to feel fly so I left him oh
    He chatted with me a day to Valentine’s Day and was absent on Valentine’s Day.

    He saw my pic on Monday and started asking how my boo. I kuku said my boo was fine and he started giving me gist abt how he was bored and spent Val’s day at the gym. I congratulated him and moved on.

    The evil in 2016 came early now the road is clear for better pple.

    It is well……

    • Adaeze Obiako

      February 22, 2016 at 1:01 am

      LOL…okay, you had me cracking up while reading your comment. Goodness…happy your 2016 road is now clear for better 🙂

    • Nothing

      February 22, 2016 at 10:25 am

      But must he show up on Vals day?
      What is the big deal with val day
      what if it was a total break up
      you spoke a day b4, a day after….

      So he is now a demon for not seeing you a vals day
      You are not serious my friend, except if he has another girl then

  11. ElessarisElendil

    February 22, 2016 at 1:32 am

    Don’t worry China has like 30m excess men, you’ll be fine……………..eventually.

  12. Lady Gwyneth

    February 22, 2016 at 5:48 am

    Smart article. Thank you.
    Bella Naija still waiting for the second winner’s article from the BN Valentine giveaway.
    The winner of the George Hotel giveaway.
    I mean there was a winner right???

  13. Teekay

    February 22, 2016 at 7:36 am

    I couldnt believe i missed my ex on vals day… My bae is in abuja and came up with loads of stories on how he cnt make it blah blah! Am really not even intrested in the relationship coz i dnt see any friendship in it… After looking at the long term it marriage(which scares me out) am nit willinging to compromise my happinesss for any un profitable relationship.. Hence i quit!
    Nice write up ??

  14. Ibukungeorge

    February 22, 2016 at 8:00 am

    Story of my life.Up at 2am talking with my girlfriend about Man.Lol.*sigh?.

  15. Anonmymous

    February 22, 2016 at 11:09 am

    Adaeze, wow!!! is the word, never knew i have such an inspiring colleague so close. God bless you for this piece. So inspiring.

  16. Lizabeth

    February 22, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    The worst place after Hell is wrong marriage……I will be 30 by Marsh 25 and I am not bothered because I am still single. I always tell myself that not even my age will EVER make me settle for less. I rather remain single than be married, have a broken home and be depress about it. For singles, there are many things you can achieve….enjoy yourself, build your spiritual life and make heaven!

  17. Toss

    February 22, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    Hi @adaezediana.

    You look stunning & your personality is cute. Please drop me an email.

    [email protected]

  18. serendipity

    February 28, 2016 at 3:44 pm

    i took a chastity vow last year. i was tired of being defeated. tired of men, tired of the lies and heartbreaks and how quickly i jumped into bed with them. This valentine, i was alone. I took a drive in my car. Alone. bought shawarma and went home. I didnt die. I know that someday, soon hopefully, i will meet someone special, someone eclectic and interesting enough, someone who wont pressurize me into sex, someone who is kind and gentle and decent and has a job or a business. Until then, im keeping my legs and fingers crossed. God wont bring me this far to abandon me.

  19. Queeneva

    March 16, 2016 at 8:46 am

    I’m so fascinated in this write and I say well done. my old friends will hear

  20. Nwanyi

    May 12, 2016 at 11:27 am

    You asked ‘what do you think?’- You know what I think? I think it’s sad that you are causing sadness to a fellow woman whom husband you are having a relationship with presently. You cook for this young man, send indecent text messages to him, etc. Your closeness to this young man is tearing the wife apart. If truly you are a woman that fears God as you profess in your blogs, then prove your integrity by leaving another woman’s husband alone. To protect the man, I’m not mentioning names, but I’m sure you know who I’m referring to.

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