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Onyinye O: Teddy Bear, Boxers, Socks? Not this Valentines, Honey!



dreamstime_l_31028927So Valentine’s Day is just days away and I’m sure everyone reading this post falls into one of these categories:

Category A: Those that would give out gifts

Category B: Those that would receive gifts

Category C: Those that would just cheer people on

Ohhh, one last category

Category D: Those that don’t care at all, or maybe, pretend not to care.

Whatever category you fall into, I’m sure there’ll be something for you to take out of this, so just errr, get a bowl of popcorn (groundnut would serve as a good substitute) and read on, whilst indulging. I’ll attempt to be brief.

So for my Category A people, I would say: Keep it “personal”. I think that kinda always works, doesn’t it?  So if you are going to get Bae a gift, you sure do not want to get her the same things again: a teddy bear, box of chocolates, flowers or jewellery. Think outside the box – what has she hinted at recently? (Well, if it’s an engagement ring, be sure you want to give that gift). And if she hasn’t hinted at anything in recent times, it just might be her way of testing “how well you know her”. You need to get it right. Look for things that reflect that you thought of her before getting that gift. So instead of giving her just any jewellery set (if she’s a jewellery person like I am), go the extra mile- get her jewellery that’s customized. It just could be a necklace with her name spelt out, or maybe, a piece of jewellery that carries significance based on what’s inscribed on it. Pandora could help you out with that.

So yeah, that’s for the guys. Now ladies, I’m sorry I might be calling out some of you; but singlets and boxers, a random belt, socks or a packet of handkerchiefs? Not this time. You know, there’s a lot of talk about what guys like and do not like, how they aren’t gift people and do not care that much, bla bla bla, but hey, they are humans just like us. They may not be outrightly crazy about certain things but they really care and think of it once in a while.

Again, I’ll say it really is about the thought. So what can you do? Get personal. Let’s say you want to get a perfume, get it not because you know it’s a designer one but because of the name of the perfume and attach a note to it. So for example, you get Paco Rabanne’s “1 Million”, you can attach a little note that relates to how you both relate with each other saying something like “each time you use this, remember that you’re my 1 in a million”. Alternatively, you can decide to give something you know he either wants or needs (knowing that a want is different from a need). Unlike us girls, most guys don’t go about dropping hints for gifts et. al, but somehow, you would notice or they’ll blurt out stuff so be sensitive. Make his wish come true and be happy.

I so wish I could dwell more on category A but I have still have 2 more categories? Ohhh, 3.

So for you Category B folks, first, be grateful. Now I know some people might fall into multiple categories. So you might give and receive only to realise that you spent triple the amount on the gift you gave out and you are receiving something you can’t even give people the gist about, well, still be thankful. Some people wouldn’t receive anything you know. Others don’t have as much money to purchase stuff. Quick one: If you are going to give anyway, just cut your coat according to your size pocket. That way, you don’t feel like you’ve had to break the bank to get something really nice only for it to not be reciprocated. It’s also possible you might get a gift you don’t like, again, I’d say be thankful. I’ll also suggest  you hint at it later on or as time passes and not pretend you’re in love with it. If not, be ready to keep getting more of it.

Next off, my Category C people- that’s my group. You might not be expecting anything and you know you’re just a cheer leader, giving tips to the friends. Now, because you aren’t getting expecting anything does not mean you should give the wrong tips because it isn’t going to be yours anyway. That’s jealousy. Moreso, don’t give tips as to what you would like, i.e, living your dream through another person’s eyes. So, telling your friend’s boyfriend to get her a particular shoe because you’ve been eyeing it and you know you’ll be able to borrow and rock it all the way is just brutal. You know she really does not love the shoe na. Or you tell your friend’s wife to get him a particular belt or wristwatch in a particular colour knowing that the belt would be too small for his waist or he doesn’t fancy a leather wristwatch. Isn’t that wickedness?

Last category, the peeps in Category D – which I fall into again. Valentine is just another day jor. A good Sunday to rest, go to church, cook soups for the week, et. al. Nothing more.
Now, that category rocks and I feel like somehow, everyone should love to fall in here. Ehen. Please before you start insulting me, I’ll give you my reason:

I don’t think you need to wait till its Valentine’s day to show love. Nah! How can you save all your plenty money to just wait and get one big gift on Valentine’s Day? Inasmuch as there isn’t anything wrong with that, I’ll say, showing love on random days, or getting a gift for your partner or someone you care about on a random day always does the trick. That way, the person does not feel like, “ohh, yeah, I’m getting this just because it’s valentine”.

And yes, gifts do not necessarily need to be tangible- things you can hold physically; sometimes, the best gifts end up being experiences which become memories- memories you forever hold dear.

Valentine actions should be carried out on any other random day.

Few suggestions: guys, say your wife just gave birth, you can get her a nice lingerie set and make her know her body is still great to you. For the ladies, a nice pen with a note like “pen down your goals”, or purchasing that video game (knowing you both would end up playing it) might do the magic or maybe a nice headset. For experiences, you could go to a place that holds good old time memories. You could also choose to have fun and let loose. Maybe karaoke?

Sadly, I have to end this here because I’m watching my word count but before I drop my pen, let me ask, what category do you belong to? And sorry, I couldn’t give a long list of options so please, share other options below.

Happy Valentine’s Day in advance Bellanaijarians. This is me showing some love and on a random day.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Onyinye is a media junkie, beauty enthusiast, realist and aspiring team fitfam champion who glides through life believing that every experience is a learning curve. When she's not working, reading or sleeping, she's constantly typing away on her computer. Get interactive with her. Email: [email protected] Twitter : @theonyinye. Instagram: @beautifulonyinye_.


  1. Boma

    February 5, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    I’m in Group E- hubby bought Valentine’s gift for another girl. Found out by accident. So Valentine’s day sucks!!!!!!!!!!

    • jess

      February 5, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      But the most important person to love you is you. So gurl, go spoil yourself. Use the house keep money and give yourself a treat and serve him indomie till month end. I’m in category D. I love random gifts and everyday is val’s day to me.

    • E.A

      February 5, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      I see your point, but doesn’t this mean that the guy might be having an affair does she continue to stay in the relationship

    • The real D

      February 5, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      @ Boma, I am so sorry. Gosh, words fail me.

    • Mayowa

      February 6, 2016 at 6:21 am

      but errrmmm what if he planned it and did that on purpose so y’all can quarrel and Valentine’s day will be to make up?? You know like the “TA-DA” moment?? !

  2. Nammy

    February 5, 2016 at 5:24 pm

    D category, nice tips.
    It’s actually the thought that counts and the practicality of the gift not the amount spent on purchasing it.

  3. Tope

    February 5, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    I’m in group F- Those that will break up with Bae on Val’s day?

    • Jezebel

      February 5, 2016 at 6:03 pm

      You’re pure evul! I like. Cue maniacal evil laugh.

  4. Benbella

    February 5, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    When it comes to Valentine’s Day, I must confess, I am the worst. There should be a special category created for me, other than the ones the author outlined above. Call it Category IDGAF (I don’t give a f…k)
    I once had an ex-girlfriend tell me that I was very error prone during Valentine’s Day. I seem to endure a reluctant passion towards Cupid’s birthday. I get it all wrong, just like a rich Igbo millionaire trader does with his pronunciation when he calls it “Valantine.” So shoot me. Some girls I dated nearly did.
    First year of University, and I was going stead with this Pretty Young Thing called Oyinda. I attended a University located in a small university town in South West Nigeria. The local shops there only sold Chocomilo at best, so most chaps were sending anyone going down to Lagos to help pick up some stuff for their chicks.
    I had a friend called Ogbe who was heading down to Lagos on the 12th of February for a family wedding. He was supposed to return back to school by noon on the 14th. So I gave him some money, and asked him to get me a really nice card, a box of Belgian chocolate truffles, a bottle of wine and nice silk night dress. You get me? Let us carry on…

    On the 14th, evening time came and there was no sign of Ogbe. From 6pm, all the dudes had started sending gifts to their ladies through courier services, or driving up to the girl’s hostels to pick their lassies up for dinner before exchanging gifts or whatever. By 8pm, my girl had sent me a kite through someone that she was waiting for me. An hour later, Ogbe had not come. My girl sent another person with an SOS saying that she didn’t mind if I hadn’t gotten her anything; all she wanted was for me to come to her room where she was waiting for me to come and get her so we could spend the rest of the day together.

    I was about to get set to leave, when Ogbe burst in panting and carrying a huge knapsack. He explained that his bag containing stuff he helped me buy had gotten stolen at the car park on the way from Lagos, and so he had to stop over at Ibadan to pick up some “replacement articles”. He opened his bag to reveal some Cadbury chocolate finger sticks, a really colorful card which sang a depressing tune when you opened it, a bottle of something that looked like Bacchus Tonic Wine/Eggovin and a red thong pant that looked like the sling shot that killed Goliath.
    I was too weak to start laying into Ogbe. He obviously had bought me some cheap goods and pocketed the change, and was just telling me porkpies to put me off track. Snatching the stuff from him, I promised him that I would get back with him later. His punishment was coming and it would be plenty. I threw the “thong pant” into the thrash, dashed the bottle of wine to some heavy drinker dude that lived in the room next to wine, and dashed for my girl’s room. With the Cadbury finger stick chocolates and the Hallmark card.
    Bae stayed in a premium girl’s hostel, and I managed to get there on time before male visitors were prevented from entering anymore. When I got to her room, she opened the door wearing the shortest red dress you can imagine. Apparently, she knew how much I liked, eh, ‘fitted’ dresses and decided to wear one for me on this special day. The back had net everywhere, the cleavage area displayed her watermelons. Chai!!
    There were scented candles everywhere, and a 112 CD on repeat in the deck. The room was also empty, as her roommates were all “conveniently” out. Obviously they were in on this arrangement, because the room was usually stacked with loads of girls and their friends. All that was remaining was Gold Circle.
    I gave her the card I had with me, and started to explain what happened to the rest of the gifts, but she hushed me as she gave me soft kiss. In my mind, I was like wow, something for nothing? That sweet sweet thing that Lauryn Hill sang about, for nothing?

    Well it should have been “happy days”, but it was “fright night” for me. For some reason I wasn’t comfortable. Something was wrong. I gave her a cheap looking card and wasted time before showing up, and now I was about to get some?

    I looked at her outfit; she was nearly spilling out of it.
    I told Oyinda that I needed to rush out briefly and drop the box of chocolate fingers for my friend Femi downstairs who had wanted it to give to a girl he had been trying to hook up with.
    I dashed downstairs and ran into my Femi and a couple of other chaps I knew as well. Everyone there had handed over their gifts to their girls and were just chilling in the car park of the hostel gisting and having a laugh. Femi said he wasn’t interested in giving the girl the chocs anymore as they had a tiff some moments earlier.
    It was almost 11.30 pm now, and one of the chaps suggested that we all go down to mammy market and get some pints of beer. He offered to get the drinks in, so we all headed down there.
    The guy ordered drinks, and as the waiter brought the tray down, I broke open the packet of chocolate fingers, and everyone dug in. Chocs and beer – what a combo.
    The next day when I ran into my girl Oyinda in the class area, she couldn’t even look at me. She called me a “jerk.” But IDGAF

    • karrauche

      February 5, 2016 at 6:22 pm

      Really? Someone just has to bring in this story every valentines day. THIS SAME STORY.
      Big head.

    • Tee

      February 6, 2016 at 3:27 pm

      What a very lengthy epistle for someone that doesn’t give a f***

  5. shubby

    February 5, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    #mysuperman# is outta twn.. buh goin 2 spoil myself on his behalf,e sent in d cash a week b4 val.*wink*

  6. Christian Sister

    February 5, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    I’m in the category of “can’t be bothered” tbh. I’ll just help my bestfriend pick out sumn nice (sexy) for her Valentine’s day waka, and wait for my own after chops from the date. Nothing spoil.

  7. Jenny

    February 5, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    I like dis article.
    I belong to the category B and unfortunately, A. For me, i love the gifts my boo always gives me. Very expensive but i actually am the socks giving becos i never have ideas of what to give him. picking out things for guys is so hard. Maybe i’ll go with giving him a nice expensive pen becos i am not interested in creating memories anymore with him. I am tired of our relationship. That’s the truth.

    • o

      February 6, 2016 at 8:50 am

      Very nice cufflinks, expensive set of bow tie and pocket square, a good wristwatch…

    • you shall receive

      February 6, 2016 at 3:01 pm

      u never have ideas f what to give him? continue with your stingy self
      he shld start buying you d smallest pad as a val gift too cos he doesnt have an idea
      ladies been tight fisted since 1200.

      How does a guy have ideas then? heard that silly crap from females-dont know what to buy for him. Does he dress naked to office? Havent you been to his house to know what he lacks or needs or hasnt gotten yet for himself? dont you want him to change something about him and you can gift it to him to change it……..

      You give socks you receive toilet roll!
      God no go vex

  8. Eloho

    February 5, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    Giving my husband the best val’s gift..I’m pregnant! Its all we’ve wanted for over a year now, and just got my test results. Can’t wait to see his face when I let him know!!!!!

    • zirah baby loke loke

      February 5, 2016 at 11:51 pm

      Awwwwww congrats. Iya ibeji. God keep u

    • onyin

      February 9, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      The best of them ever.
      I know he will love it and God will help u both.

  9. Tchyoma

    February 5, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    All I want for valentine is a job ?. Anything in Environmental/ Public health , Health and safety, Project Management. Full time, part time, internship, anything. Show some love to a sister ?

    • newbie

      February 6, 2016 at 1:23 am

      Awwwww…… May God hear your prayer and surprise you with the best job ever. Hang in there.

  10. Onyinye

    February 5, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    Ohhh, Boma. So sorry about that. *virtual hug from me to you*.

  11. Onyinye

    February 5, 2016 at 8:44 pm

    Ohhh, Tope. I really do not know the details of your relationship but I hope you’ve thought the decision through and if that’ll make you happy and move you forward, then go girl.

  12. Onyinye

    February 5, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    Benbella, Interesting story I must say! That your own category sha. Ermm, i’ll say you can fix yourself and you don’t have to think of yourself as a jerk too (except you consciously decide to be one).

    And Eloho, that’s just a great valentine gift. It’s truly personal. xx,

  13. Omo

    February 5, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    For those that plan to go out to eat with that special someone check out Tuke Morgan’s blogpost on the restaurants she’ll recommend for Valentine’s Day in Lagos. She’s even doing a giveaway so 2 lucky people win a 3 course meal at a fine dining restaurant in Vi, it’s paining me that I’m not in Lagos atm sha, I for don enter that giveaway make I go chop correct chow with bae.
    Hope he gets me a beta present, maybe I’ll send this link to him.

  14. Kome

    February 5, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    “For the ladies, a nice pen with a note like “pen down your goals”, or purchasing that video game (knowing you both would end up playing it) might do the magic”.

    Personal goals and I speak for most men (X-box one & FIFA 16 ) Spoiler alert, @list 90% of us will be deeply moved if our ladies are this thoughtful. Awesome read ???????

  15. Itshandkerchief

    February 6, 2016 at 8:18 am

    Which one is this Kome talking about? Is it not money you will use to buy the games? Please, handkerchiefs would do.At best, I’ll buy fancy ones and write something on it abeg. I no dey pluck money from tree. Na de guys suppose dey spend money on we women. Finish. Good article anyway.

    • you shall receive

      February 6, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      Be expecting your own handkerchief too. As you sow handkerchief, be expecting to reap handkerchief. May i never come across your type

  16. Newsgirl

    February 6, 2016 at 11:30 am

    Me I have never had a valentine before. Another day to siddon dey look others 🙁

  17. Oba McMEFFY

    February 6, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Chai! Benbella u r an ar*ole’. Lol. I like girls like Oyinda tho.

  18. jess

    February 6, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    Always received vals gift since 4eva. But d’s my new stingy bf, hmmn. Idk if he ll val me o. Cs he’s so stingy. Walai if he doesn’t val me I won’t date him again… ll be like film trick.

  19. TheHomeShopbyAbby

    February 6, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    Still thinking of what to get bae for Valentine’s? Custom made throw pillows available to order. Check out @thehomeshopbyabby on Instagram. Affordable and Free Delivery to Select Locations in Lagos!

  20. kratos

    February 8, 2016 at 6:51 am

    i really dont plan to get any chick anything, will channel the love back to myself!!!

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