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Caleb Somtochukwu Okereke: Tough People Are Made of This

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dreamstime_l_36975798I recently suffered a major setback that just quite had me disbelieving of my much-loved school of thought that I was more than enough. And in between drowning myself in Kari Jobe’s Forever and trying to reckon what route led to the imminent tomorrow. I wrestled with the muted voices of self doubt dedicated to reminding one about how much one could have done differently and not how much one has already done, fanatical about spotting the loose edges and skipping the fine-looking ones.

Of course, this does not mean that I woke every morning with teary eyes and a heavy heart, skipped meals, phone calls, suddenly loved Amy Winehouse more than before and left many messages unanswered (some of these were indications as well). This does not mean that I did not scroll through Facebook and Twitter or write for countless magazines (sometimes about depressed people too), skip the escalator in twos to see a new movie at Ozone, have long conversations with friends on the phone, and take smiling selfies of happy me. It does not mean that I carried the slumping weight of dejection like a backpack around with me, or that you could possibly tell even, if I did not write this now.

However, I have come to learn that the problem with self-doubt, the problem with depression is that you do not know you are depressed, you are oblivious of it. Perhaps it is because depression, like the devil, is the prince of lies; it is aware that knowing would have made it easier to overcome – because the first step to surmounting a predicament is acknowledging its presence. It masks itself with contentment.

You find yourself in that place that the pleasing counsel “Life goes on” has consigned you. And as much as I used to harmonize with all of this mantra that endorses the flippancy of things, that reminds you of how impertinent things are rather than how important, I do not anymore. Because, life does not just go on, this levity of issues is an appealing way to approach life I know, but it just does not go on.

I like to imagine life in terms of impediments, to be as wearisome as Lagos traffic when you have to meet an appointment. There are two kinds of people in this scenario. There are the ones who honk and curse and meander along the narrow slices between cars, annoyed and tired because the appointment (future) must be met. And there are the diplomatic ones, peaceful, rolling down their car windows to buy Gala and Lacasera, acknowledging that they have a problem but resolving that they would not be bothered by it.

Because there is a necessary healing process for every set back, necessary time for the tears to fall freely and for you to listen then hush the voices of self-doubt.

I recently realized that perverse to what the world thinks about tough people as being the ones who do not grieve, as rigid, inflexible, swayed by nothing, the ones who drink away their sorrows. The tough ones are not the ones who forget hindrances, they are not the frivolous ones for whom life is cheeky, but the ones who remember yet carry on.

I am a tough person. We are tough people. We remember our struggles. We live with them… but we carry on. We recognise that life does not just go on; that there is a huge difference between acknowledging a problem and being bothered by a problem, we recognise that depression is not a cheerless subject, apparent only in its obvious instances, as Books, Movies, and life generally has taught us.

We recognise that it occurs in seemly small amounts too and that these trivial quantities because of our inability to identify them are just as or even more dangerous.

We are made of tears and remembered failures, of our favourite Bible passages and realization that the Lamb always would overcome and we are happy too, we are happy. We are depressed and we are happy, because we know, we would heal, we are not moving pieces of denied and piled up depression like most others. We are depression, acknowledged, remembered, but not impeding our life’s journey.

Because we realise that trying to forget only makes it even more difficult (Impossible) to forget, but the gift of remembrance is that it recognizes hurt, it reacts to it, it carries it in mind, but it moves on.

So today, for setbacks here and the ones to come, I vow to take time to heal, I vow to acknowledge that I am hurt, to accept that I am depressed. And I do not mean to the world on Facebook, or to friends or to family even, but to myself, for every stumbling block I encounter in life, I would acknowledge I am hurt to myself. It is the only little parcel I can give me.

Tomorrow, I would listen to Fun’s Carry On and be happy and mouth the lyrics as I stare at my copy of The Thing Around Your Neck.

If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground,
Carry on

Because I know that crying as I write this does not completely mean I am over it, it does not mean that I would suddenly heal and become fitted with a new- fangled resilient spirit. But it means I would be, because I have recognized and acknowledged it and because we are tougher people than we think, I would be.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

aleb Somtochukwu Okereke is a writer and literary blogger whose works have appeared in Sun and Vanguard Newspapers, Kalahari Review, New Black Magazine, Hamilton Stone review. His first Novel was published by Bahati Books UK in 2016 and you can follow him on Instagram @caleb_okereke

41 Comments

  1. funmi

    March 16, 2016 at 4:02 pm

    Hmmm. Timely piece… I cried whilst reading this. I’m going through a tough time and I know I will scale through. Thanks writer for this piece

    • Pearl B

      March 16, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      Dear Funmi,
      Hang in there. Tough times don’t last but tough peopl do. You will look back at this moment and be amazed that you got over the hump. You have that courage, strength and spirit within you.

      Sending e-hugs, and passing you some e-kleenex.

    • Annonymous

      March 17, 2016 at 9:52 am

      No storm is Permanent. Write out and stick it in a visible place in your room to reassure yourself, that this phase of life, will surely come and go. Remain strong

  2. GraceOfGOD

    March 16, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    @Caleb Okereke

    Good afternoon Sir. I actually did NOT want to comment due to time constraints BUT I had to because of your LAST paragraph, particularly THIS line “Because I know that crying as I write this “. PLEASE CRY NO MORE. It shall be WELL with you. No matter what you are facing right now I declare it DEFEATED by the SPECIAL BLOOD of JESUS CHRIST, may GOD bless you ABUNDANTLY, may HE allow you to SMILE again VERY SOON in JESUS NAME I prayed, amen. By the way your article was SUPERB. Take care and stay blessed 🙂 🙂 🙂

  3. miamia

    March 16, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Please have FAITH!!! I know its easier said than done but just keep believing, I had an obstacle that i couldn’t just get past , i had spent thousands and thousands of dollars (i felt like a failure) Anytime i looked at myself in the mirror, i felt unworthy. I was frustrated, depressed you name it. Sometimes i would wake up sad, crying , begging God to please help me. Just before seven days to a year, things changed for good!!!! This was my career path/choice in a male dominated profession and I was going to fight for it till the end. When you’re so tough and determined to get what you want at all cost, people think you’re crazy. I hate it when people say – ‘maybe such and such career isn’t for you’ . Please just have faith and keep working on what you’re working on/believing God for. x

  4. Suwa

    March 16, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    I’m going through a tough time now, I wish I have someone to talk to right now… Nice piece.

    • Munachi

      March 16, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      You can talk to God, for a girl that lost her mom few weeks ago, he’s been my everything and he promised to send the holy spirit as our comforter.
      Remain blessed.

    • SB

      March 16, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      Sorry for your loss

    • Belle

      March 16, 2016 at 8:13 pm

      Suwa, I’ll be pleased to give you my listening ears so you will know that you are not alone in this world. I don’t want to publicize my number (we can exchange that via email), but kindly reply with your contact and I’ll reach out.

      Best Regards,
      Belle

  5. oludara.ogunbowale

    March 16, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    One thing I know is this world is flawed…Tough times make our view of life very distorted,very dark and hopeless…I know this …We all have to hang on and feel the hurt because right in that pain is our journey to healing…@Suwa Find someone around to talk to…or kneel and pray to God,…rant,cry,write and cry again…Wherever you are,at any point you are,never stay there,sometimes we are weak and we feel so down but keep praying,listen to songs like …’I hope you dance’ BY Lee Ann Womack or other encouraging songs,read articles like this,go through it all,write down lessons ,smile even when you do not want to….Nothing lasts..Everything shall pass,and surely, this tough time too shall pass, and hopefully you would look back and smile at the strength you never though God could give….Life is tough but I m certain God has made us even tougher…stronger and better…..

  6. Munachi

    March 16, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    Really inspiring, losing my parents made me realise how tough I am

    • Giddy gal

      March 16, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      Oh Munachi…i can only imagime how devastating and traumatic that can big.You will not only come out stronger but so much wiser.Praying for the comfort of the Holy Spirit and is strength upon your life.You are made for great things,for signs and wonders.

    • Munachi

      March 17, 2016 at 9:01 am

      God bless you Nne

  7. nene

    March 16, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    the good thing about tough times is that it makes u strong and tough

  8. BABY ELEPANT

    March 16, 2016 at 8:08 pm

    Depression occurs when we accept the past or the present as reality. My lovely uncle once told me that life is transitional, and change is ever but constant in life. So wish for and work for a better tomorrow.. Find pleasure in the little things in life. Those grand plans we make often, husband children dream job, etc as they are a miracle and a blessing all come with challenges.
    Nothing wrong with constantly changing your goal post and redefining what happiness means to you. It shouldn’t be dependent on what people think of you or on material things. Someone will always be better than you but they will never be you.

    Unfortunately in today’s society a lot of conversations revolves around superficial things, and protecting our precious egos, or maintaining tradition. Not about feeling, So often we are left to converse with ourselves and drown in our thoughts and past experience.
    You aren’t constantly depressed, but don’t let it be your default setting, Don’t look at depression as a negative thing, its a time for you to delve into yourself reflect and find substance. If you continually program yourself into thinking depression is the end, it will eventually be the end of you. Work with it and let it build a better you and make you stronger.

    ‘”You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too. That’s a part of it – denzel washington

  9. Spunky

    March 16, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    I scrolled past the write up, straight to the comment section. @funmi’s comment made me scroll back up from the top. Of all emotions, grieving is one which drains a lot out of us. I had a bad day yesterday, but today was better and I am positive tomorrow shall be great. Love, pain/grief/sorrow, happiness…is what connects us all. The power to overcome pain is to identify and acknowledge what we feel. Share with someone. Not just anyone but someone who can take all the time to listen. Then after, cry out your soul and vent if you must. At the end of the day, we begin to understand we didn’t break neither did we fade away. We realize we are here; stronger, wiser,more experienced and with a little more time, we become happy…again. This is who we are…

  10. Giddy gal

    March 16, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    Aaaw…Kari Jobe ‘s Forever is my favourite!!Lovely article.Even a calm sea has some rough waves.It will be well.

    • Wonders

      March 17, 2016 at 1:28 am

      Kari Jobe’s Forever was my early morning boost for some time.. thou still a fav. my song for the season keeps changing thou..from Jonathan & Melissa Helsa’s-.. No Longer Slaves to Tope Alabi – Oluwa Otobi. . the list is endless.. .songs are powerful and we need them in super doses.

      God is the unchanging changer behind the changing scenes of life. Worship Him in abundance and you’ll see him come through for you.

      Lastly, I had my own set backs too, but God came through for me. Around March last year had a job interview through a friend that took me out of the country November with a pay rise almost 400% increase…. and lots more. It was a Supernatural turn around that could only He made possible. Even one of my sisters was forced to say she couldn’t believe it with all the troubles i went through..
      Hold on. God is Faithful

      .

  11. seeker

    March 16, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    A thousand kisses for you Somto. I can totally relate to these feelings you have just penned down; This was 2015 for me (my most transformational year till date). And yes! I remember listening to Fun’s carry on more often than I care to remember, It was my ‘walking back to my room’ song.
    As tough as last year seemed for me, I am very grateful from the depth of my heart for every single tear I cried, for every attempt to dance to Beyonce’s ‘Baby it’s you’ and the temporary relief that brought me; I am grateful that I couldn’t bring myself to share the experience while in it; I am grateful that the toughness and ‘aloneness’ of that experience made me notice how beautiful the clouds, the stars and the moon are.
    Although, it seemed like I failed at my 2015 pursuit but really I was being pruned (Oh! how painful the process of pruning can be) and now I have this feeling of fearlessness because truly when we are weak, God is really strong for us… I remember being in one of these beautiful old church buildings in England and heard a voice say to me “Let yourself fall xxx, I will be there”.
    Somehow, I found a ‘hum’ (as described by Shonda Rhimes) in all my experience. In the midst of all that, I saw me differently and I am so grateful for the strength I am blessed with because for everything permitted to come my way in this life, I have all I need to conquer.

  12. organ zation

    March 16, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    Right on time. I’m depressed. Terribly depressed. Don’t want to feel like a wimp talking to everyone about my problems. I’ve lost all my self esteem. I suffer from inferiority complex. Looking for how to build myself up again. I’m a 24 year old lady. Have you ever felt like the world has turned its back on you. Like, all my mates are all ahead of me some are working etc. I’m still in school with gp of third class and in my final year. No serious guy. The serious guy in my life left me because he said I was always falling sick. Some guys I sincerely like lead me on but leave unannounced. An encouraging word would be really appreciated. I’m not happy

    • The real dee

      March 16, 2016 at 10:16 pm

      Organ zation,
      I’ve been depressed before, at a point I was so depressed, I thought I was going crazy cos’ I couldn’t understand what was going on in my head.

      I don’t want to relive the situations and people who made me depressed because I’ve learnt recalling is never worth it.

      So how did I overcome depression and constant sadness?
      Everytime sadness erupted in me,of course I would cry so much,I sometimes had a headache. I know I had a lot inside I really needed someone I could share my burdens with. However, I learnt to get on my knees when the tears started to roll. I would just start talking about everything that happened, what someone said/did, how the entire sad episode started and I noticed by the time I got up,I felt much better. It felt like a burden was lifted off my chest. I had continuous conversations with God eventhough sometimes I never heard anything from God. Now I think God was working on my emotions instead of telling me what I wanted to hear.

      At a point I desired genuine, serious friendship. I did have friends and lots of acquaintances but they were never the type I felt comfortable sharing my burdens with because they thought my life was too perfect to be unhappy. I actually prayed to God to give me a best friend whose friendship will last a lifetime. God answered that prayer and I can’t recollect what exactly happened but as this person came into my life, I would share my burdens with this person and he’ll encourage me and pray with me. And after some time I realised the depression ceased. Moreover, I noticed moving far away from the people that made me constantly sad helped me become a happier and positive person.

      I still get sad and cry sometimes especially now that I’m seeking employment. Rejection emails definitely brings some tears but I always seek solace in God and the Holy Spirit wipes my tears.

      Attitude 101 by John Maxwell , When one door closes, another door opens by Dr. D.K Olukoya are good books I recommend for times like this.

      I hope this helps you. You’ll be fine.

    • dupsy

      March 16, 2016 at 10:16 pm

      My dear at 24 you still have your life laid out in front of you, the fact that you have a 3rd class GP is not the end of the world. I personally know many people who have 3rd class and ended up restructuring their lives in a way that made them to be more successful than those of us with a 2 1 or event 1st class degree.

      As per thinking and comparing yourself to others please stop that abeg, my mother used to tell me when I was much younger that the fingers are not equal, their lives and destinies are not connected to yours based on what God the Almighty decreed for each of us. I understand the usual Nigerian attitude of comparing oneself to another in order to judge one’s success in life but that is totally irrelevant because destiny by God is individual Look up to your creator the God who formed you and ask Him to lead your footsteps in what ever he has planned for you.

      As per men issue, if you as a lady has a low self complex, naturally men will not want to be around you and this is vice versa for a man with low self worth. Work on yourself first, love your life and be positive then you will see others attracted to you.

      On another note, you mentioned you are always feeling tired, have you talked to a doctor about this? You might need to take multivitamins and run some tests to see if you are not deficient in some nutrients or chemical balance for your body. My dear, you need to take good care of yourself instead of sitting down to think. Make sure you are actively doing things that will propel your life forward and dont spend so much time sitting down to think and worry. I wish I could be 24 again honestly so that I can plan my life all over again. You have youth which is not going to be with you forever, so dream big, pray big and know that this world is really beautiful! God bless you and be with you in Jesus name

    • Californiabawlar

      March 17, 2016 at 8:10 am

      I hope you still read this. I’m really sleepy and can’t type much but I want you to know that you can turn things around. YOU! yes YOU!
      I’m currently reading a book called ‘Mindset, the new psychology of success’
      It’ll be nice for you to read this. But summary for now is that your current state doesn’t (have to) define you…and what others are doing definitely doesn’t!
      This might seem like a bunch of clichés but if you’re going to be happy and successful in life, the earlier the better you realize you’re always going to have moments of failure, there will always be friends and colleagues that are doing better than you, and until that one special person finds you, men are going to walk in and out of your life.
      I’m learning how amazing it is that accepting failure as who you are is what makes and keeps you a failure!
      See, I’m someone who friends and family would consider successful (at least with my career) but to be honest, lately I feel like a lot of people around me look down on me (I’m guessing that’s what low self esteem is, the feeling is alien to me). I’ve had a pretty good run bullshitting my way through life. But with my recent position, I just keep falling flat on my face! I had such a terrible encounter with my boss just last week, I was crying like a child (make that weeping, me, a thugster!??) It was all my fault, I know the journey I’m on is a challenge, I know I’m not good enough….YET!
      The yet part is what we forget dear…keep working! I know I won’t stop. I know I’m not giving up. You shouldn’t either. See, you might not be able to get your gpa back up, don’t worry, start making plans…I did the same with my undergrad….it made me better prepared for the real world than the 1st class students. I always joked that “I know Shell/Chevron won’t hire me, let me face my GRE/Business plans…” Sweetheart, I was wayyy ahead of the curve after NYSC when no one, irrespective of their grade could find jobs.
      Please cheer up sweetheart! So many of us out here struggle, you’d be surprised.

      As per man matter…hmmn…earlier today, a friend asked me why I’m not bothered about being single… I asked her if she’s met the hot mess that I’ve been lately…why would I want to pour this sand sand that I am right now in someone’s garri!? Baby girl abeg, face ya work. Focus on what you can control i.e. YOU.

      I’m sure I’ve typed so much by now seeing as sleep don clear for my eye sef, lol.
      You owe me a the (2nd) glass of wine I’m going to have to use to fall asleep o!??

  13. LADY

    March 16, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    I pray that the God of peace will fill you up in Jesus name. Amen

  14. Olayemi

    March 16, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    Hmmmmm, I just feel the need to pour some of my pain out here.
    I have been feeling deep sadness since mid January this year and it keeps getting worse. I lost a former colleague that mid January and I can’t bring myself to let go of the loss. Maybe it’s because I saw her a few days before her death and promised to visit again the next week. She was pregnant and full of life. I keep wishing I had got a sense and told her to get a scan when I saw her. It is just so sad. I lost another family friend in February. She had been in pains for over two years and was just getting really better for the first time. Only for her to lose the battle after everything. She is the kindest person I know.
    All these coupled with the fact that the future suddenly doesn’t look as clear as I hoped for. My lovely grandma is getting old too and losing her memory in bits. Can’t believe she is that old already. She has been there for us since she lost her only child (my mum) years ago. There is so much to be thankful for but my mind has chosen to dwell on all the negatives.
    My church had a program this past weekend and the theme was “Getting your joy back”. I asked to be prayed for and the pains seem to be giving way. I am currently so scared to wish for the best but I know God got me.
    It is well.

    • Giddy gal

      March 16, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      Olayemi…sending you the warmest,deepest ehugs.??
      Life is never constant,it has it’s challenges and some really dark seasons but Iam positive that you will come out to the other side.You will look back and testisy to not only God’s goodness but the Holy Spirit’s inner strength to pull you through.Stay strong,o out there and live life!Even our lives,especially when blessed with health,are a testimony.Much love and will be praying for you.You will make it my dear.

    • Jojononz

      March 17, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Hold on to God………. my prayer for you is that the peace of God that passeth all understanding will flood your heart in Jesus name Amennnn

  15. Spunky

    March 16, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    @ Funmi’s and Olayemi; the best part of encountering life’s adversities is that we always emerge as conqueror. Every smile you see plastered on a strangers face should give you some hope (knowing they all got problems but chose to smile).This is life! We will continue to battle our challenges. The great news is that we always win. God bless you all.

  16. Kelligence

    March 17, 2016 at 2:12 am

    “Because there is a necessary healing process for every set back, necessary time for the tears to fall freely and for you to listen then hush the voices of self-doubt.”
    Indeed time does heal but it all depends on the time it takes to heal. And that all depends on Us. If we’re willing to be tough to shove the pain aside, carry on with life, be optimistic and become more stronger and better. It’s all a learning experience.
    I really dig this article. It’s inspiring. It’s inspired me.

  17. Adeyemi Zainab

    March 17, 2016 at 5:57 am

    This post remind me of my own sadness and depression. Sometimes i laugh too hard, argue unreasonable and get intimidated easily. I realise now that have been living in anger and depression. May Allah remove sadness from our soul and give us joy. This things are necessary part of life, but they dont have to define us. I really wish to be happy again.

  18. osaretin

    March 17, 2016 at 6:25 am

    I always read comments before reading anything on bella naija- here seeing a lot of people writing this made me cry and the likes of that. Now i see- This actually brought me to tears and made me think of death. such a horrible thing! but God knows best and in all things give thanks. I love the forever song by the way. i listen to it almost every morning 🙂

  19. Vann

    March 17, 2016 at 9:16 am

    There’s this part in the article that talks about how not knowing one is depressed could be dangerous, that happened to me. I remember walking on the road, looking at cars passing and having this dangerous thought that a car should just knock me down or something, maybe have amnesia and just start all over again. Things were really tough at home and home was the last place i wanted to be. The lack of money, fighting and arguments my parents would have, had started affecting my brother while i used school to escape them. But i survived and those thoughts disappeared. You know how people deal by crying, breaking things- i’ve thought about smashing my phone several times but when i realise that it’s the only form of communication/mp3 i have, i push it far away from my side, i discovered the joy of walking since i didn’t have privacy in my room and by walking i started talking to God. I called it my conversation with God. Anytime i felt bad or something bad happened at home, i’ld go out and just start walking, i could walk for miles and in that period, after i’d poured out what i felt, i’ld feel okay and the strength to just carry on would come over me and i’ld know my father has heard me. We all have different ways of dealing but when we deal without God, the pain isn’t really gone.
    I’ve also seen songs to download, fun’s carry on, beyonce’s baby it’s you and the likes. Thanks guys!

  20. Tosin

    March 17, 2016 at 9:30 am

    i am tough but don’t let me watch cartoons/animated’s lol cry well

  21. Joey Oshare

    March 17, 2016 at 9:55 am

    I read this last night , I had to come read it again . This piece got to me , it spoke to me . I’m in that phase right now in my life , denial was respite . depression has been seeping in , I see it ,
    I feel it , but I’ve refused to acknowledge it , I guess it is something I’ve to look in the eyes now with the knowing that it is not a weakness . Thanks for this piece Mr. Caleb . Life goes on .

  22. Hephie Brown

    March 17, 2016 at 11:35 am

    My dad said my writings are tooo morbid and sad and I will probably forever have majority of white people followership on my blog as they are the kind that enjoy that sort of thing. A typical black man wants to read more upbeat stuff..in my head my reply was “i kent be bothered”. Then he asks, just in case… if im serious about all those thoughts i said I have..and i said “of course not! They are just write ups dad..for entertainment, you know”

    Writing makes me heal, it’s like once i pen it down, the problem goes away, for a little more while…That’s the only way I heal..and of course, crying, but i dumped that since i joined the workforce..i always have puffy eyes when i cry and i can sure do without the “are you okay” question..

    • Tosin

      March 18, 2016 at 7:43 am

      glad to hear. because same thing i thought after visiting: that if you’re naija-naija then omg scared worried should i get you help and i actually almost did lool, but maybe who knows you’re not culturally naija-naija because abroad people can feel/write that way (it’s more normal) . thank you very much for clarifying. see, people care 😉 lol

  23. bridget

    March 17, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    i rarely comment, but this was beautifully written.

    Its great to read every one else’s comments and words of encouragement. In today’s world where the news is always filled with some form of negativity, posts/comments like these remind me of the strength of the human race. and how short time is.

    Get through each day has been my motto for the difficult times; one day at a time.

  24. Chu

    March 17, 2016 at 3:44 pm

    Let me share something with you dear. A friend studied law in school, his mum wanted him to do it, he had issues couldn’t cope, she always cane to intervene. He finally graduated with a 3rd class
    He discovered his passion was Hr, he did post graduate, several courses and is now an internationally certified hr, has changed jobs over time and keeps getting better offers. So you can still change your life around, may God give you wisdom.

  25. Abolude

    March 17, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    so i felt this way late last year. I cried for days and the most part was I couldn’t confide in anyone because I felt so just and ashamed. writing it now makes me remember just how I felt. I wanted to stop breathing when my fiancee told me my mum had called him to beg for money. I was so upset, I couldn’t comprehend.I even hated her at that moment and I couldn’t stand her presence. I just kept crying. it hurt me more because they never told me at home that there were financial crisis. I asked for stuff and I was given, I never knew where the money was gotten. it turned out that my dad had been duped and we lost almost everything but they didn’t want to tell me because I was writing my final exams… I considered it a betrayal..I felt like a beggar in the eyes of my fiance, soneone who had not even formally married me.. I couldn’t stop wondering what wrong I had done to God and why he let it happen. I stopped praying, I stopped loving….but the amazing thing now is that experience brought immense breakthrough to my family, we are back on track and it seems as if we never lost a pin. infact, God made us prosperous…The most painful thing right now is I don’t know how to get back on track with God. I can’t really pray like I used to.. it is all overwhelming.

    • Tosin

      March 18, 2016 at 7:45 am

      don’t be overwhelmed. it could even be a path to your minixtry – whether a religion-based club or science-based practice, you could coach others through…

  26. Olayemi

    March 18, 2016 at 6:49 pm

    Thanks everyone. You guys are the best 🙂

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