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Mothers’ Day 2016: Being a Mother Means Giving, Giving Giving | By Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo



DSC_0168I woke up this morning and it dawned on me, Sunday March 6 is Mother’s Day! I wondered what I would do on that day; calling my mom to wish her a happy Mother’s day and exchanging some family gossip will definitely be one of them. Then, what next? What would I do on that day? Should I expect a gift from hubby? What of the kids? Do they even know what the heck Mother’s Day is about? My daughter is 1 year, nine months, while my son is 9 months old; so what do they know? For sure my boy will be all over me as usual (sucking the life out of me as he does every day, he gets greedier on weekends because we spend more time together). Or should I turn around and do something special – maybe a nice meal or family time out to celebrate ME as a mother? These questions disturbed my mind all day.

Sometimes it’s difficult to explain how I feel because I am still experiencing it.

The joys of motherhood. What does it take to be a mother? That is the big question. Being a mother is not just about getting pregnant and having a baby, anybody can do that. My best definition is that being a mother means giving, giving and giving again. It’s the most selfless responsibility I know.

It’s so different from being ‘born again’ as we term it, because here is what, when you are a Christian and expressing your faith, you are doing that because you are sure that if you live right, there is a reward. And that reward is being with our Lord Jesus in heaven when the trumpet sounds. So you already know how your end will turn out if you are faithful in Christ. However, with motherhood, you just can’t say.
You don’t know if the child will live to bury you, you don’t know how the child will turn out. You don’t know if the child will grow to love you or grow to spite you. You don’t know if the child will be a blessing to society or a curse. Worst of all, you don’t know if the child will abandon you or take care of you in your old age. Yet you keep giving love.

I became a mother when I least expected it. I was hoping to get married to my fiancé and enjoy marriage for at least two years before having kids; alas, our very first kpanshing after we got engaged and I became pregnant. So I had to wed as a pregnant bride. There goes my fantasy of looking as beautiful an angel on my wedding day. I had to struggle with my slightly bloated face (made manageable with makeup), had to wear almost flat shoes and the list goes on.

Somehow I managed through the wedding and few months later, gave birth to the most beautiful smiling girl in the world. It was as if my daughter was happy to be born, and as we were adjusting to parenthood, and I was managing through the hustles of being a working mom. Suddenly, unexpectedly, I got pregnant again.
Oh no, let me not bore you with the various emotional phases that I passed through at this stage, (my daughter was only 5 months old). Everyone kept saying it was a blessing, but it took a while for it to sink in for me; especially because I had my daughter through C.section and was very well aware of the health implications of having another baby one year after your first surgery. But Godwin sha.

That’s how I gave birth to my son exactly one year after having my daughter (they are almost twins’ right). Beyond the money spent, one thing hubby and I are thankful to God for is that there were no health challenges. Everything went very well. Now when I look at my boy and he smiles at me andI wonder why I was even angry when I found out he had been conceived. Truth is, despite all challenges, I thank God for my kids and wouldn’t have wished it any other way.

So back to the giving. First we give all our money to ensure the kids have a good life. We plan 10,20,30 years ahead for them, sometimes hubby gets exhausted and I just smile.

Sometimes I get home so tired and irritated by the Lagos traffic and viola! My kids want to play with mommy, what do I do? I put on my smiling face and play. Sometimes, I’m all dressed up to go out and one of them spills stuff on my beautiful clothes, what do I do? I change clothes and move on.

The most awkward experience was that I got to work one day and everyone was staring at me in a strange way, I checked myself, lo and behold my daughter who is learning to write has written 1-4 with my lipstick at the back of my crisp white shirt!!! I smiled at them and said “children”

Sometimes I’m having serious conversations on the phone and that is the time they will choose to scream as if their lives depended on it. What do I do? I escape to somewhere quieter where I can have few minutes’ peace.

Let me not even get started with their joint noise makings or crying for no reason, or the fact that they have rearranged the house for us. The list is endless, but I have to keep giving love. I have my own stories, same as every mother out there. Our stories differ but we share one thing in common, our LOVE for our children.

In all, I and every mother out there understand that motherhood is about sacrifices, and so I encourage you to give yourself a treat. Whether the kids or family say THANK YOU or not, make out time and celebrate YOU and God will bless us all.
Happy Mothers’ Day

Photo Credit: Studio 24 | Dreamstime Images (For Featured Image)
Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo, is a wife and mother. She is also a seasoned writer, magazine editor, publicist and radio show host. You can follow her on @akudoabengowe and @akuabengo on Instagram.


  1. Sunshine

    March 6, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    Motherhood is so complicated. I and my mom we have been very close but now I think that has been so because I have never lived with her as an adult. I recently came to spend three months with her and boy I don’t feel same anymore. I see her like someone who is angry with the world(single parent) her mood swings are crazy. Let me recount one. So I was steaming meat to cook and she had a male visitor so I ran into the room to get properly dressed and told my cousin to check the meet. When I came back the meat was slightly burnt and 10 mins later she came back. She asked what happened and I told her. She started shouting and got very angry. She went And made food for herself. While she was cooking I was trying my best to make her laugh, but she kept frowning. Next day same thing till I travelled. I even msged her to say I was boarding and she ignored me. I decided to ignore her too. Until yesterday she sent me a message that broke the silence. I just feel like our relationship will never be the same. That is just one example. Happy Mother’s Day all

    • Tosin

      March 7, 2016 at 5:42 am

      i don’t find the Hallmark mushy mother stuff useful either.
      to me they’re just people. makes it easier.

  2. heart.....

    March 6, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    this is beautifully written…. happy mothers day to all d wonderful women in d world

  3. Mommab

    March 6, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    Happy mother’s day! Am happy to be one. Smiling

  4. osaretin

    March 6, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    So beautiful! Happy mothers day to all the mothers and mothers to be.

  5. Chidiadi

    March 7, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Apt! Couldn’t have written it any better. Motherhood ehn! The most exhausting and intensely rewarding feeling ever. Beautiful piece Akudo! I love!!!!!!!

  6. Bunmi Odunowo

    March 7, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    This is a very nice piece Akudo??. Mothers are super beings really. They juggle so many things at the same time and still manage to stay sane. May God bless all the selfless Mums out there.

  7. Ken

    March 7, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    Akudo my writing mentor. God bless you and all mothers especially my wife

  8. Akudo

    March 7, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Thanks so much guys, happy that my 2 cents on motherhood made sense. Happy Mothers Day to all mothers and mothers-to-be

    • chidinma Nzeadibe

      March 8, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      Nice one sis…. am so proud of you

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