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Temi A: Let Us All Be Sinners

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dreamstime_l_61279947Jealousy is ugly, lies look attractive, but you will burn. Anger is destructive, and lust? Keep those legs closed! In the quest to be better, we are advised to avoid all these less than desirable behaviour and feelings, and to embrace our higher selves instead. Today, I make a case for these baser feelings and behaviours.

I saw the movie Inside Out – yes I am appealing to a Disney movie to buttress my point, never let it be said that I don’t know how to make an intelligent argument. All of the emotions worked together to create a balanced little girl, even though the emotion “happy” tried to suppress them. Eventually, happy learnt that sad, angry, and cautious were also important for the protagonist to be a truly functional and normal human being.  You might find it hard to stifle the jealousy you feel when a certain someone makes googly eyes at your significant other, and that is ok. You are allowed to ask “who is that heifer/bull?” within the ambit of reasonableness. Some people have sworn that they enjoy when their partners are slightly jealous, and it makes them feel desirable etc. One can conclude then that a little display of jealousy is not necessarily harmful.

So, you have decided to be jealous, and give in to anger and not the productive kind that spurs you to work harder. You have decided to rant and rave to your family and friends when they annoy you; you have decided to do this in moderation. If you vex too much, you’re on your own – as I am not advising that you beat someone up in a fit of anger; but if people upset you, let them know how you feel and not in a passive- aggressive manner. What next?

Well, we lie. Lies contrary to popular opinions are not terrible. White lies save lives. Your boss comes into work in that brown suit, his national anthem that is too tight at the crouch. You see his belt struggling and voicing its complaint about the extra work it has to do today now that your boss has tucked his stomach in. He is uncomfortable as his bulk is not used to such restraint and you watch his buttocks as he waddles in his too tight trousers past your desk. He has dressed smart today. You think he should burn that suit, however, you look at him, flash a smile and say “looking Good Mr. S, hot date today?” he makes his joke, you make yours, you have your nice office banter et Voila you are on your way to a promotion! On the other side of the lie coin, I wonder where married couples draw the line at white lies. I know you are not allowed to lie about big things such as “I have never had an abortion”; God is watching you in 3D. But do white lies count? Do you owe your partner absolute honesty?

Ahh lust. Your body is not the road to salvation and you did not come to save the world one genitalia at a time- that is what they tell you.  Be truthful with yourself, if no one else. Are you an adult? Are you horny? Is your prospective partner desirable to you? Yes, have you thought about it? Can you handle it both emotionally and well physically if it comes to it?
Yes, have you protected yourself from both STD and unwanted babies? Yes, and you absolutely want to? Yes. Well then, hang up the “do not disturb sign”. However, if at any of these questions your answer is No; your answer is I do not have to have sex with anyone for them to be with me. I am a brilliant woman/ man/ transvestite with a gorgeous character and mind to rival. No, sir or madam, or anyone in between, I will not be having sex with you until we have made like Saturn and put a ring on it; it is against my religion, or your response is simply “I don’t feel like having sex”. That is your decision to make too and do not let people shake you from your conviction.

Anti-Christ? An agent of the devil? Destroyer or morality and everything moral? That I am not.  The truth of the matter is this: good or bad, these decisions are yours to make, solely yours. If you choose to work on yourself, but you find yourself slipping into bad behaviours and emotions, it is not the end of the world. Pick yourself up and keep trying.

You give in to anger, it does not make you a bad person, you slip that one time with your ex, it’s not time to break out the rope yet or lie to yourself about the feelings he/she/they evoked in you. No, no. YOU are the driver of your decisions and fortune. Own up to that, learn from your mistakes and move on without beating yourself up about it.  This is a reminder that we are humans and prone to baser emotions and behaviours. More importantly, it is a reminder that from February, the shiny New Year resolutions we made somehow get left behind as we start to make excuses. If you stumble on the path to finding a new you, explore that path, then dust yourself up and move on. A ‘new you’ is also human and prone to flaws.

How many of us have broken New Year resolutions so far? Confess people and share your stories. Let me know I am not the only one struggling to keep up.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

I like to believe that I am entirely focused on building a career as a Solicitor, but my love for Food and Yoruba movies poses a serious threat to this dream.

9 Comments

  1. Elohor

    March 11, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    This Temi’s write-up on BellaNaija always reminds me of my ex Temi that I’m trying for forget aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why TEMI??????

  2. Assisa

    March 11, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    This actually makes a lot of sense. We always try to suppress our various emotions because we’ve been told too many times to act a certain way, “the right way”.This article resonates deeply with me because it reminds me to be human and that it is ok to feel whatever emotions I feel, whether they are good or not. Thanks Temi, great article!

  3. Queen

    March 11, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    wonderful write-up… well delivered

  4. Suwa

    March 11, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    Lovely piece Temi

  5. whocares

    March 11, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    looooooool. the imagery of the boss with big stomach and big buttocks. lmaooo. Did not start this year with any resolutions, I never keep them anyways. lol. This year I had just a rough outline of where i want to be and what i want to achieve by the end. I have also given up on berating myself for all my crimes, real or perceived. I try to be a better person every day and that is all I can do. It is not enough by any means, but its steady progress. I suppose there is a thin line between accepting yourself and your flaws and not pushing yourself to be a better person as well. All in all, I like this a lot. lol.

  6. Whole

    March 11, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    “… for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. “- Shakespeare (Hamlet)

  7. Silverspring

    March 12, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    O Lord, deliver me from lying lips. Is it really possible for a person to be 100% righteous? That’s the only area i find myself failing God.

  8. Tosin

    March 13, 2016 at 10:43 pm

    watched Inside Out again yesterday.

  9. Henry

    March 13, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    Assisa, you’re giving a negative interpretation to this write-up. It does not exhort you to throw free reins to your passion. It is natural to have emotions. However, natural does not mean right. To every expression, there is a repression. One who expresses rudeness, represses politeness.

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