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Nkem Ndem: No Money No Honey? The Higher Level of Grace Required to Date a Broke Guy

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Nkem NdemNo woman wants to date or marry a broke guy. It is a simple truth. No matter her age, position or level of desperation, she still wants a man who can provide for her, take care of her and give her a measure of security and stability. It is not a matter of gold digging or anything of that sort, women are just wired that way. It is why the idea of the knight-in-shining-arbor appeals to them so much. Consider the traditional format: The man, being a Knight, has an appealing status, a horse (mobility a.k.a “motor car”) and various skills as well as the strength to protect her. She, on the other hand, does not have a horse and is usually trapped, in lack or just in need of saving.

This is not to say that money is everything and that it should be the focus in any relationship…it certainly should not be. Other factors like character, compatibility, trust, attraction, love e.t.c are important as well. However, you must admit that money serves to foster these other elements.

Forget the propaganda that adulates the idea as well as the sect of women who throw caution to the wind and delve into relationships with broke guys – guys who are either jobless or earn below average – with the ‘faith’ that things will eventually turn around or that they will have the might to carry him along and support him. While a few of these women actually reap the fruits of their labor, in the long run, 9 out of 10 of these women end up completely bitter and frustrated, sometimes even cheating on their husbands or worse, the husband eventually leaving them for younger hotter girls when they get their own money.

Quite recently, I had a conversation with a friend who broke up with her boyfriend of 3 months, as in her own words “he is plagued with the affliction of being broke”. The harshness of the tone with which she made the statement almost got me pegging her as vain. However, as she told me the entire story, I totally understood her stance. She explained that it was not really about the lack of money, she could no longer put up with the stress and baggage that came along with his low-income status: he nagged a lot; was insecure and super possessive; always picking up a fight in public, suggesting that she did things deliberately to emasculate him; e.t.c

The truth is, things are different in our society today. Unlike the old times when men generally earned far more than women and it was an unspoken rule that they have to carry the weight of the relationship – catering to all expenses and treating the lady to her heart desires, women (young, single women) earn so much more than men now, while so many of the men are either unemployed or underemployed. Considering this development, how do you define ‘manhood’ in a world where men now earn less than women? Really, what is a man to do without the money or time to dote on his woman? He certainly will not buy her anything good enough to show her how special she is to him because he is broke; neither will he be able to give her all the attention she requires as he will constantly be on the hustle… unless, of course, he is the type who does not mind mooching off of the girl.

Basically, it takes a special kind of grace for a girl to date a broke guy and be happy with him for long. The one time I dated someone who would largely be considered “broke”, I honestly did not have many issues, I stayed with him for 2 years. Maybe we lasted that long because I was broke as well and we were much younger, but actually, there were certain perks to dating the broke guy, compared to friends who had “buckled up” boyfriends and lovers : he was more attentive and romantic, he had greater regard for my friends and family, I did not have to deal with a lot of competition as he obviously did not have so much to offer (haha) and he was supportive of my ambition and goals…even though they seemed unrealistic at that time.

Yes, all people deserve to be loved no matter whom or what they are… however, there is no denying that money is also very important in every relationship. A real man should understand this and must focus on sorting himself out emotionally and financially before even thinking of dating, or looking for a wife to be. Adding a woman to the mix when he is utterly broke, without a vision and unsettled -despite how much he loves her and vice versa- will just add more load to his already bent shoulder and will do either of them no good. Rather than create room for all kinds of heartbreak, he should wait till he is ready, and can afford to make a proper commitment to her emotionally and financially.

What do you think? Am I right? Or am I just being biased in support of my friend’s decision? Let’s talk in the comment section.

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

140 Comments

  1. Jymco

    April 26, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    So who wants to date a broke, lazy & vision-less girl without any value to add? Some of us don’t see cooking, assisting to do laundry and cleaning the house as a major focus to want to date or even marry a lady. NOT EVEN CHILD BEARING but that good heart/ inspiring friendship that comes with strong intellectual capabilities rapped with humility+peace.

    • Me

      April 26, 2016 at 9:45 pm

      Is that what the write up is about ehn mr broke lazy and visionless girl? let me guess you are one of them broke and angry dudes..

      1
    • jymco

      April 27, 2016 at 10:30 am

      Laughs!!! I wish I can give you an opportunity to check me out for real. I’m too blessed spiritually and materially to be broke Dear. I’m am very comfortable and doing just find education and career inclusive.

    • chinwe

      April 27, 2016 at 10:28 am

      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well said

  2. Bemused

    April 26, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    Women generally earn more than men ?..and men are generally unemployed ? lol. Please what planet are you writing from ?..Cos it cannot be this one mehn.

    • Minka

      April 27, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      I’ve dated a ‘broke’ guy before, I genuinely was into him. Bought him gifts and never bothered about paying for our lunch/diner or getting anything in return. I actually never complained about the fact that he’s never given me at least a toothpick before. But as time went by, it was a thing of concern to me because I felt he was taking advantage of my generosity.

      By the way this dude had a job but he’d always complain he’s broke, his car breaking down every day etc. I have a good job and I was certain I earned more than he did, but he clearly showed me he wasn’t broke but just stingy because I really don’t know what to call that. It’s that bad he was stingy to himself.

      I don’t expect a man to buy me a car but little things do matter and mean a lot. Getting me at least a pair of earrings or even pencil is something. This one never gave me chicken feather not to talk of handkerchief. Initially I thought he was waiting to get to know me more but no! what manner of man is that abeg? He now started talking marriage, I had to take off o because I probably would have paid my own bride price and shouldered all the responsibility by myself. I was very sure he’d be more stingy if we got married, or maybe not but I didn’t wait to find out.

      In as much as I agree a man should always take care of his woman, a woman owes same to her man. I don’t quite believe in letting the man do everything for me except if he wants to but then I ought to be responsible in some way as I wouldn’t any man coming to insult me in future. It’s actually that bad some women can’t buy matches or salt for her kitchen she has to ask her husband for money to buy that.

      Some women need to stop being overly dependent and some men need to also stop sizing a woman up, trying to find out who her dad is or where she works before dating her. We all have to be self-sufficient!

      2
  3. Ocean Beauty

    April 26, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Gone are those days of following “shoe shiner”. You should pick a struggle and being the lover of a broke guy is not what I want. They will nag, and try to bring you down to their level sometimes. If I start to back tori, hand go pain me. From where did you get money to buy a phone (as of I’m not working) to coming to your house as early as 6am to confirm if you slept at home.

    1
    • Takeseveralseats

      April 26, 2016 at 7:29 pm

      Finance is the bedrock of romance – Aristotle, 1890gbogboro

      1
  4. ybbil

    April 26, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Fully Supported! Biko. But sometimes, look beyond the now, if he truly loves you, cares for you, is hardworking, innovative, and above all fears and loves God. Keep him!

  5. ramat

    April 26, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Almost puked at this double-standard shite of an article.

  6. b o b o

    April 26, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Omo Ibo! SMH. However the truth you have stated can’t be undermined, no woman wants to go into a relationship without financial security but it should be understood that some don’t have the privilege of early financial success, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his head together as regards financial goals but a sentence a lot of you ladies don’t want to hear is ‘he has prospects’ but the reality remains not all will be rich from the onset. I think ladies should learn to accommodate certain financial situations with men particularly if he is a very hard working one and not all of them turn out to be ingrates.

    1
    • Hian

      April 26, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      And you had to begin your sensible comment with ‘Omo Ibo’ why? Is there a connection between that opening and the rest of your comment that i am missing???

    • "changing moniker"

      April 27, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      true omo Ibo!!!
      Ahan…. so until the guy has enough money to build houses for all your relatives, he’s broke abi?

  7. akabiaka

    April 26, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    I agree with you my sister but we must not forget that we should also consider love because no condition is permanent. He can be a well of man today and tomorrow become poor in this world. It is best to marry a man that you love so that whatever the financial situation may be, you can cope together. There are many women married to rich men living in bondage, happiness is key.

    • Annonymous

      April 26, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      I will rather cry in a Bentley than cry in Keke Maruwa. Who told you poor people don’t have issues as well?

      2
    • Rita

      April 26, 2016 at 9:00 pm

      @Anonymous You took the words right out of my mouth! I always say the exact same thing to my friends when they start disturbing me with the whole love talk. I get that you need to love the person before you get married, but I see no reason why I will stay with a poor boy who has esteem issues and lacks ambition. I have worked on myself for so long, acquiring skills like coding and getting my own education, basically paying my way through college and working my butt off to be where I am today. I cannot let one small mumu boy to come and be dragging me down because he is feeling insecure that he is broke. Broda, if you like don’t go and work. It bothers me that some people want to sit around and wait for money to appear. I have cleaned toilets, scrubbed floors, washed dishes in kitchens, baby sat, tutored to pay myself through college so I am not a nuisance or a burden to whom ever becomes my husband. In this light, I cannot bee with a poor ambition-less man abeg. Tenkew.

    • Rita

      April 26, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      Also, I am not saying that every poor or broke guy is not worth dating, there are some out there who are working really hard to make it in life and the opportunity hasn’t some. You can identify those ones when ou see them, they have the passion to succeed.

    • jymco

      April 27, 2016 at 10:39 am

      “Poor People” even have worst issues and attitude/negatively mentality from my researches and experience BUT TRY TO WORK FOR YOUR OWN BENTLEY either – you won’t need to cry even.

    • abi

      April 27, 2016 at 2:37 am

      There’s something unnatural about a woman assuming the role of provider in a marriage and it is a proven fact that once that tone has been set it’s nearly impossible to reset.
      A broke man with ambition and prospects may seem like a situation a woman can cheerfully comply with early on in a marriage but after 6 months, 1 or 2 years of paying rent, bills, buying groceries, phone credits, dstv subscription, his personal maintenance, petrol and all the other overheads that come with living with an adult male, it’s another thing entirely. The usual reassurances of “but I’m trying” or “I have a few leads” or my personal favourite, ….A blank stare, will just not do. And it’s not really because the woman is in danger of going broke. You may begin to feel used or begin to lose respect for the man due to the imbalance of the natural dynamics. And I’m talking about married folk since I don’t give much credence to dating.
      I married a broke man and at the time I was making a lot money. I guess I felt that he would buckle up and sort himself out. Plus the sex was incredible but even that was not enough to quell the mounting disappointment and eventual resentment I felt towards him. He eventually admitted that he had assumed that he didn’t need to work as I was doing well and money was not an issue. Disingenuous? Yes. But interestingly I couldn’t fault his premise as some women are down for that sort of arrangement. Our society certainly expounds the nonsense that women over 35 should take happily comply with any kind of marriage. I wasn’t. So now he’s my ex.
      Prior to my foray into broke man land I was a chanter of the “money doesn’t matter” mantra. Money matters a lot. It’s right up there next to oxygen in my hierarchy of needs and I won’t be compromising this time.

      1
    • Laila

      April 27, 2016 at 7:34 am

      @abi
      Been there done that. Plus I know a friend who being in the same situation, vexed and quit her job after she ‘hammered’. Of course she didnt tell him she had made a windfall. She just quit working and stayed home, waiting to see his ‘best’, this was after 9 years of supporting his ass. Can you believe the guy escalated his complaining, started calling her ‘useless’ very often, mistreated her and even was belittling her career, calling her retired ashawo, that she should thank God she has him to claim as Husband to help launder her name clean. The last straw came when he beat her. First time she couldn’t believe it, second time she put Plan B into gear. Third time she moved to her parents house. They were childless, a condition she initially was sad about but with her reality she praised the Lord. She has moved on. Turned out the fool was impotent. Can u believe she got pregnant with the first guy she dated next?? Anyhow what happened next is another Super Story, but to stay on topic, Ladies, a man who cannot or will not provide is not a journey you want to embark upon abeg. Choose your cross wisely.

      1
    • Taiwo

      April 27, 2016 at 8:22 am

      A million likes for your comment!!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 27, 2016 at 1:10 pm

      Laila, please and abeg, return with “what happened next”.

      Gini? Honey, I’m here for this Super Story… shoot, there’s no prose that can beat the drama of real, straight-up life.

  8. bijouxthisbijouthat

    April 26, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    I always thought people who said they could not date broke or guys who earned below their income were being vain…

    Till i dated one! My WORD!! It was a traumatic experience.. still reeling from the effects of that relationship, two years after!!
    As your friend described, they feel any action of yours emasculate them, they are unreasonable and jealous too!! He would be moody for no reason.
    I have a car, he didnt,he wanted to be the BOSS of my car,for where?
    Yes he was a damn good kisser and a potential great lover but i couldnt deal, after the kiss then what?
    Please my common sense functions better than my heart
    Sometimes its not even about the person not having, its about their attitude to their broke state, its ridiculous.
    Another area i would not advise any woman to venture into in terms of relationship is a man who’s educational background is lower than hers, my opinion! their low self esteem is out of this world, its a NO for me.
    Cool article..

    1
  9. Nakoms

    April 26, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    This blog is always on man woman issues. Boring level is Huuuuuuuge

  10. akabiaka

    April 26, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    Post my comment now…how far!

  11. Vida

    April 26, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    Well said Nkem, as if you just read my mind
    This is what am going through right now, Am a working class lady earning just enough to fulfil my basic needs…its my first job…started dating this banker guy last year Dec.
    it was love at first sight, felt nothing like that before, only to discover that he took a loan right before we met which he is repaying till December 2016.(God have mercy).

    Am soo in love with this dude, he is the best guy ve ever met, soo caring, loving , and he is not stingy, he still spends on me with the little left from his salary after the bank takes the loan repayment portion. I do most of things for my self, my hair, emergencies, basic needs, wants, take part of the bill when we hang out at atimes, and I fuel his car at times because he drops me off at work most mornings.

    To cut the long story short, this guy is already talking of the future with me but helloooooooo, with what am going through right now, I don’t think I will be frustration free if i agree to marry him, besides, the time he will finish the loan, get his financial security back, and marry me|……( I don’t know how long thats gonna take him)
    Am staying with a family as I have lost my parents, now the lady said things are tough for her so am now looking for a selfcon where I can rent…..I have been saving but its not enough to rent a house in Lagos yet as I earn below N100K, its painful that my good but broke boyfriend cant even support me(though I believe he would ve if not the…..)
    I have dated him for 5months now and am happy with him but I need higher grace to keep on with this relationship,,,…some times I feel am being stupid or am I just following my heart…pls advice me…………

    • Drknite

      April 26, 2016 at 7:07 pm

      Please provide us with an update in 90 days, when he has no money.

    • Chukwudi

      April 26, 2016 at 11:03 pm

      your comment is disturbing on so many levels i cant even start to unpack it. You my dear are a leech. Please leave that boy alone he deserves a better person. You do know that most couples struggle financially. He has a good job, loves you, spends the little left over from his salary on you but you can’t handle the period he has a loan to pay off?

      What happens when you guys buy your first car? your second car? your house? your children start school? How old are you exactly? You sound like a teenager and should not even try going into marriage if you dont realise the financial compromises that come with it.

      My dear i’m the most rabid of feminists but sometimes i just wonder for people like you. if you believe so strongly that a man must take care of you please quit that job and sit down at home and wait for that man. The job you’re holding now should have gone to some other poor man who has another leech like you at home.

      Sheesh.

      Women biko onu I don’t even know how this is still a debate. If you’re going to struggle with men for the few jobs in this harsh economy you must be able to hold your own equally in the family/relationship finances. You’re denying poor men who you expect to be sole breadwinners opportunities when you reserve your own for fake hair and handbags. This is what the equality is about. its not twitter activism, or downloading beyonces album. its about surviving in harsh economic situations.

      Ha. my best dating years was when i was in the UK. We both shared each others company, and laughed and had fun so when bill comes you open wallet she opens her purse.

      it seems some of you need Morphy Richards Scale in your lives before you understand the meaning of equality

    • sammiewolf

      April 27, 2016 at 8:30 am

      Oh, bless your heart! You couldn’t have said it better!

    • em

      April 27, 2016 at 10:16 am

      I have nothing more to say, i’m a woman and I read that comment with total shock, she made Dec 2016 sound like Dec 2026.

    • Chukwudi

      April 26, 2016 at 11:32 pm

      your comment is disturbing on so many levels i cant even start to unpack it. You do know that most couples struggle financially. He has a good job, loves you, spends the little left over from his salary on you but you can’t handle the period he has a loan to pay off?

      What happens when you guys buy your first car? your second car? your house? your children start school? How old are you exactly? You sound like a teenager and should not even try going into marriage if you dont realise the financial compromises that come with it.

      My dear i’m the most rabid of feminists but sometimes i just wonder for people like you. if you believe so strongly that a man must take care of you please quit that job and sit down at home and wait for that man. The job you’re holding now should have gone to some other poor man who has someone like you at home.

      Sheesh.

      Women biko onu I don’t even know how this is still a debate. If you’re going to struggle with men for the few jobs in this harsh economy you must be able to hold your own equally in the family/relationship finances. You’re denying poor men who you expect to be sole breadwinners opportunities when you reserve your own for fake hair and handbags. This is what the equality is about. its not twitter activism, or downloading beyonces album. its about surviving in harsh economic situations.

      Ha. my best dating years was when i was in the UK. You go out with a girl, you both shared each others company, and laughed and had fun so when bill comes you open wallet she opens her purse.

      it seems some of you need Morphy Richards Scale in your lives before you understand the meaning of equality

    • Judge much?

      April 27, 2016 at 9:52 am

      I think yall need to relax on the poor girl! @vida, me, same situation. young, achieved for my age, job not so good, not so bad, finding it hard to pay my way through second degree and house rent and other stuff, i need a car in my life so bad. bae, servicing a loan. till next year or forever lol. Had guys who wanted to help me out, as long as they dont know i had a man, not even like they wanted anything in return(yet) but because he wouldnt like it, i had to turn down their help. And its annoying that just maybe if i was dating someone else( i have two janded boys in mind who liked to just be sending money, maybe to secure the love i dont even get it), i would not have so much worries, i will not carry the burden all by myself. and ther’s still the part where u worry: all these sacrifices i make, will it pay off? does he recognize that i am giving up so much to keep this relationship alive, will it even lead to marriage, if not, why i gotta give up reaping the advantages being young and hot affords me? why i gotta be hustling too hard? Im not a leech but i need a lil pampering too! i need gifts once in a while? see a movie, buy drinks, spend money like its there not like we gotta calculate every naira! we not even close to marriage oh my days!
      But yeah after all my doubts and even threats to break up and just be a single girl with “multiple sources of income”. i realize i love him a lot and in the world of insanity, i even need him more than i need his money, so, love won, and im hustling harder than ever, sucks, but baby we will both be alright

    • Chukwudi

      April 26, 2016 at 11:48 pm

      Bellanaija? whats happened to my comment? if you don’t want counter views then disable the comment section. nothing impolite or rude in my comment, even edited it to be even less so. Censorship is so 90’s. Geez

    • abi

      April 27, 2016 at 2:50 am

      From your comment it sounds like he’s not really broke. You have needs that you want a man to tend to and with all due respect I don’t think that’s fair. Especially where dude has his own issues to sort out. And you say he helps you out. Why don’t you focus on getting on your OWN feet first? The best marriages are between 2 complete people. Nigerian women put a lot of unrealistic expectations on men. A husband is not a financial problem solver. Dude sounds like a good guy. And btw your boyfriend should not be responsible for your financial well being despite of what this society likes to advocate.

    • Lucinda

      April 27, 2016 at 9:46 am

      What did he use the loan for? Loans are for urgent needs like medical emergencies. If he got it for luxury and he’s still talking about marriage it doesn’t make sense.

    • truth

      April 27, 2016 at 10:22 am

      you ain’t in luv with with the guy and dats the reality you have to come to. you are in the relationship to take and not to give.

      if you truly love someone, you’d accept them however they come and work together to make him/her a better person. even if they came with one leg, no eyes or no vocal chords, you’d accept them for what you see in them.

      if i knew him, i’d suggest he’d give you a break to figure out what you truly want out of life. whateva you are going thru doesn’t just require financial help, it requires emotional and physical help. a good man will bring out the best in you and a bad one with bring out the worst in you.

      if you doubt your security with him now, you’d still doubt sumn else in the future. when maybe it won’t be financial assistance you require, it would be emotional or sumn else.

      to hit the nail on the head, F**** your bills and marry the dude if he makes you happy and you see him slapping your butt and cracking jokes with you somewhere in a lonely crib..20 yrs in the future.

      90 percent of nigerian women are unhappy in their marriages. reason is…..they followed the money.

      don’t be igbo. lol. I am igbo and yes, igbo women do love money. its not even their necessity, its their so called “birth right”. dat is 90% of dem. i married part of the 10 percent and i’m too damn happily-married!!

      dont stress your heart. best of luck. i wan go shit

    • Abigail Etila

      April 27, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      is all about ur peace of mind, if u are always comfortable with him go on, as for his financial situation relax no condition is paManet.

    • Minka

      April 27, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      So you aren’t even looking at getting a better job to enable you sort out your issues? Keep waiting for him to upgrade you.

  12. Investor_bj

    April 26, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    …..and y’all wonder why we do just about anything to get money. I noticed most girls will say ‘I don’t care about your money’ but then their attitude tells the exact opposite

    • Drknite

      April 26, 2016 at 7:08 pm

      Amen!

  13. Emmanuel

    April 26, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    I support you 100%. Broke men should not be in relationships. Same applies to broke women.

    • nene

      April 26, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      gbam. shift that focus to making money and working hard in life.

    • Sisi

      April 27, 2016 at 1:02 am

      I agree wholeheartedly. When I say broke I mean broke. That doesn’t mean dude who is working and salary isn’t great or enough to be buying extravagant gifts and take you on expensive dates. I mean broke – never has any disposable income or laden with plenty plenty debt. Please let’s say no to being or accepting liabilities in this 2016.

  14. Puzzles

    April 26, 2016 at 6:01 pm

    I agree with you. However, what happened to the ‘broke’ guy you were dating? What went wrong?

    Sorry, i like gist

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 26, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      LOL @Puzzles who doesn’t? he relocated and the distance was something we both could not cope with. It just didn’t work.

    • Jack

      April 26, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      @Nkem, I wonder why he relocated and left you behind. Probably got tired of your constant whinning.

  15. Precious

    April 26, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Wow this writer must have smoke weed b4 writin this. this is d type of women I don’t even pray for anybody…she wrote money and all other factors…meaning money 1st and other factors can b considered. Most guys are more concern with their finances than any other tin so tellin us to fix what we are tinkin about 247 is some sht. No wonder there are too many single girls around . they are looking for a cool place to land. I remember the last time I came to Naija, i met this Olushi babe all she was doing was sizing me up financially. Even to d extent of asking me why I am not using d latest Iphone. I said to myself oboy..na wife i dey look for not financial analyst.

    • Queen

      April 26, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      Hehehehe @financial analyst

    • Laila

      April 27, 2016 at 7:52 am

      @Precious,You said it all when you said “Most guys are more concern with their finances than any other tin so tellin us to fix what we are tinkin about 247 is some sht.”

      Ladies hope you can hear? At whatever point you meet him, he is prolly already doing his ultimate and that is his pace. He is already on it 24-7.

      Take a cue from water and find your level. If you want the tide to rise, go to the sea. Stop praying over a fish tank. No offence guys, but you too should date within your means and don’t buy headache. Especially if ‘humility’ and submission is on your shopping list for a partner. A woman who pays her way will always have a solid decision-making capacity. Can you live with that?

      1
    • Lucinda

      April 27, 2016 at 9:56 am

      It’s a 2 way street. I’ve had very rich guys size me up financially too. Some will ask if I have changed phones or if I have a car. I caught one looking at my handbag to see the label. These are all very educated working class guys. As in, doctors, lecturers. Well spoken and “classy” men are the new leaches. I don’t know how things switched sides and it’s annoying. Do women need to start downplaying their earnings to know who really loves you?

  16. Drknite

    April 26, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Well, gone are the days when dating someone was about there character, family, loyalty. Now it’s all about the money. You can treat your partner as dirt and they will accept it, as long as you have money. SMH

    • Cindy

      April 27, 2016 at 1:56 am

      Broke men treat women like shit too so what are you on about?

      1
  17. Md

    April 26, 2016 at 6:43 pm

    Whenever a woman in any conversation or article implies what is a real man or what a real man should do , I lose all intrest

  18. Jade

    April 26, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    Well for me, its not just about dating a broke guy or any guy. Its about seeing potential in someone and seeing the said person putting in hard work, going out every day to hustle and maybe the hustle hasn’t clicked yet but he is just lazying about and moaning about how unfair life is. when i met my fiancee he was broke and i was in my final year. I saw how hard he worked every to eke a living, in fact he even borrowed 10k from me at one point but i never minded. I forged ahead, graduated worked for a bit went for my masters, came back and worked some more. Now this same guy who was borrowing 10k from me buys me yeezys on a whim, sends me gifts just because… it may not be easy but it is entirely worth it.
    The morale of my story is “don’t just date any guy rich or poor, a man who doesn’t shy away from hard work will eventually make it, laziness is the worst trait ever!!!!

  19. nira

    April 26, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    Hmmmmm, this article takes me back memory lane. I been there , I dated a jobless guy, who was squatting at a relative’s house, just because I liked him and was of the opinion that things will get better and no condition is permanent. I was working, even had a car buy I ddnt mind paying the bills when we went out on dates, I usually send money into his account,etc until I started noticing g that mr man was starting to depend on me completely, he no longer made moves to look for a job, always nagging abt being an orphan even thou he was about 31 then. Then the relatives he was staying with den started asking g for monetary favours too often, and the times I was unable to give them, they turn cold towards me and he saw nothing wrong with that. Omo, I spoke to legs sharp and sharp and ran out of the rship, he never experredit. After that I swore never to date a broke or jobless guy again, I have my job , I have my own money but every lady no matter how independent still wants to be catered to and wants a hardworking man who can live up to his respinsibilities. And I met that man, got married in January with a baby on the way.

    1
    • nene

      April 26, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      gbam. there are different types of broke men out there. the leeches/losers (fine boy no money) and the ones who work very hard.

  20. sugardaddy

    April 26, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Na the broke guys sabi love pass cuz all they have to offer is their love!!!! I’m presently dating one and truth be told, the only reason why I’m still with him is cuz I really LOVE him and I see he has great potentials, has great plans and very ambitious, just that this Nigerian economy doesn’t want him to be great.
    But sincerely, sometimes I get tired. No be my mates their bfs dey take them shopping, crediting their bank account like say na handshake? Meanwhile, I can’t so much as get my phone recharged by my boyfriend(I work, but I think he should do this at least).
    But the ironic part tho, he’s a very matured someborry and level headed, cuz I can’t imagine dating a broke guy and he also comes with so much baggage….

    • abi

      April 27, 2016 at 3:02 am

      No offence but you have the wrong attitude. Don’t judge your relationship on the things you see in other people’s relationships.
      And the idea that he should at least buy credits on your phone is just tacky. I don’t know when or where our women picked up these school of thought but it’s really sad. Standards have really dropped.
      Your mature man is going to meet a mature woman and you’ll be the one telling stories that touch when in fact you did yourself in.

  21. Amaa

    April 26, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Laziness would be ideal to describe this situation I don’t think it’s about money. When a man has none or a little and he works hard it’s different from when a man has none and doesn’t want to have some.
    My point is this with family comes responsibility and to do that you must be ready pressures can break relationship add a couple of babies to that and it will reck irrevocable damage to both . No woman will see your hustle strong character honesty and pure heart and would walk away unless that woman is not for you. Women raise men not whimpssss because I see a lot complaint and see how they raise their sons I cringe

  22. sammiewolf

    April 26, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Nkem, your articles usually present valid points, but somehow you still manage to mess them up. Why would you suggest that romantic, attentive guys are synonymous with broke ones? Or that broke guys have nothing to offer? There’s a huge difference between a broke guy and a lazy one. Moreover, when a guy is insecure or possessive, it’s an attitude he needs to work on, not necessarily a direct result of being broke-and yes guys are wired to be a lil insecure when the babe makes more money, most have to consciously subdue it. Please stop suggesting that a relationship where a guy earns less than his babe cannot amount to anything, ‘cos that’s what you’ve just done.
    PS-and trust me, a guy can wow a girl a million times over even without much money.

    • Nkem Ndem

      April 26, 2016 at 7:42 pm

      @Sammiewolf, i merely highlighted the attributes I saw in my ex that was absent in the “bucks”ed up dude my friends were dating at that time, it was not a generalization. I never said attentive guys are synonymous with broke ones, nor did i say that broke guys have nothing to offer. No one is suggesting that a relationship where a guy earns less than his babe cannot amount to anything. The guy could earn less and not be broke. The single point i believe i have made in this entire article is that money plays a huge role in relationships.

    • nikky

      April 27, 2016 at 11:56 am

      Nene, i think your ex-bobo is this jack person. He has been throlling all your comments. LMAO

    • nene

      April 26, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      she’s saying the truth. have u ever dated a broke guy? they are the most romantic and attentive ones. they make you feel so good, and the sex is always amazing. they have enough time on their hands to perfect their romance and love skills.

    • Jack

      April 26, 2016 at 10:27 pm

      @Nene, you complain about broke guys who are romantic and unromantic guys who have money. Which baggage are you lugging yourself? Your former boyfriend married a woman who is richer than her and you are still complaining. Whose got the issues here.

    • Shay

      April 27, 2016 at 2:21 pm

      Dated a broke guy and an upwardly mobile guy and please, being good in bed has nothing to do with money bcs Mr Upwardly Mobile turns me INSIDE OUT on a regular basis. But dating a broke guy can be very taxing because it’s difficult to plan for the future especially if you’re just managing yourself and saving your pennies as well. I would never date a man for money but I’ve learned the hard way that YES, MONEY MATTERS.

    • JON

      April 26, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      …on point.

  23. Adaure

    April 26, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    Well said babe. It does take grace. Only a few women would have the patience to do this. and only very honest men will marry those women after their suffer head with them. The truth is always bitter

  24. nene

    April 26, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    you are so right. been there done that. i dated one like that when i was younger in secondary school, he was 5 years older than me. i come from wealth, and i tried to help him in ways but i started losing attraction because he was from an entirely different social class than me, but he was smart, honest, loving, and very good looking and looked rich, probably because he was also mixed race and had a lot of people doing him favours. i had to let go after dating for 2 years. at this point in my life, i cant date a broke guy because i’m not young and naive anymore, i make a good living and i want a good future for myself and my future kids. broke guys love the most. i’d rather date someone after he has made money, that’s when you see a person’s true colours and character.

    • nene

      April 26, 2016 at 7:39 pm

      currently my ex is married now and has a job (he works as a sound technician on a tv show, for me that’s a small salary), his wife is wealthier than him, at least she found him worthy enough to marry.. he’s one of those i call fine boy for nothing. he’s smart but his circle of friends and his inability to work hard was his undoing. if a man is hardworking and has a PLAN, you could try to wait for a few years, it depends on how old you are and your social status/background. the thing is, there’s someone out there for all of us.

    • Busola

      April 26, 2016 at 7:56 pm

      You sound condescending ?.

    • Rampage

      April 26, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      So this is how women think of men. We are all walking dollar signs. If we can’t fly you to Dubai like your girlfriend’s rich from birth boyfriend, then we ain’t shit.

      This your ex is actually working and making money but you look down on him because it is “too small for your taste”. Seriously, I’m glad you and him broke up, no man needs your toxicity.

    • abi

      April 27, 2016 at 3:06 am

      Wow. Nne even if you were an heiress you no try biko.

  25. Ngafe ka m n'agafe

    April 26, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Hmmmm. . .
    I wonder what would be the reaction of some BN gender issues voltrons if BN ran an article that said

    “No man wants to date or marry a woman who can’t cook or clean. It is a simple truth. No matter his age, position or level of desperation, he still wants a woman who can cook and clean for him, take care of his house and give his house a measure of tidiness.”

    Or

    “A real woman should understand this and must focus on sorting herself out in terms of her cooking and housekeeping skills before even thinking of dating, or looking for a husband to be. . .”

    Needless to say, it is quite interesting to observe some instances of hypocrisy on BN when it comes to topics about gender issues.

    • Mr. Egghead

      April 26, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      GBAM! GBAMMER!! GBAMMEST!!!

    • adanne

      April 27, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Brekete member

    • sista

      April 26, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      …hahaahaaaa. you got me laughing crazy. I can picture the comment room

    • ElessarisElendil

      April 26, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Shh, don’t loud it nah……..see as my eyeballs popped out when she casually mentioned women cheat too. Who’d have thunk? The way the narrative here goes Nigerian men are doing all their cheating with mami waters and karashikas, definitely not upstanding long-suffering Nigerian women.

      Anyways the writer’s pretty so all’s forgiven in my books. Na gbo.

    • onyx

      April 26, 2016 at 10:55 pm

      @Ngafe flesh and blood did not reveal this to you. You are so on point

    • Californiabawlar

      April 27, 2016 at 12:13 am

      As in eh! I join you in calling shenanigans on this one!! can’t imagine if someone wrote and headlined a crazy streotype ladden article as “Higher level of grace required to date a woman who can’t cook” or even one aimed at broke women!
      Schweeps!! This way of thinking don’t make no gaddam sense! Men and women get the same opportunities out there in the cooperate world. You don’t need anyone providing for you really. Just I because he has balls, he gets to cover the bills and you keep your money? And you choose not to fulfill your own end of the stereotype?! What then does he have to gain for keeping you around?
      If we’d address anything with regards this topic it is that men (and apparently WOMEN) need to manage their macho expectations on being the ‘man of the house and provider’ (which I think a lot of guys already do).
      Times have changed, women are no longer secretaries, nurses, teachers, and civil servants. The workplace is extremely competitive with no respect to gender, the economy is not the best…you are very likely to meet a young woman who is better educated and makes more money than you. If she’s a great person and is into you, would you then loose out on a great partner just because she’s banking more than you? In the same vein, we can’t expect the woman to have the same amount of time to spend on being a homemaker. It’s very simple math really.
      I don’t care how much a man makes or what he does with his life….he obviously had something in him for me to have been attracted to him to begin with. I’m not even being idealistic, as long as he can pay his phone bills so we can communicate, I’m good….lol.

    • Cindy

      April 27, 2016 at 7:33 am

      Lol. the higher level of grace to date a Nigerian woman who can’t cook.
      1. You spend more on buying take outs.
      2. When you both hang out at your place with your friends around, you quickly jump up and form caring boyfriend if any of your friend hints that it’s time to eat.
      3. You wait till a day to introduction to take her to your family house. By that time they’d have started petting her so your mom won’t invite her to the kitchen.
      4. Just budget cook fees for when you eventually get married or be ready to be a ‘learn how to cook’ teacher.
      5. Condition your mind to wake up around 5:00am everyday to get eggs for the kids going to school.
      6. Please help me add people………

      This thing is easy really. You don’t want a broke guy, don’t be broke either? You want a wife who can cook, better make sure your cooking game is tight too. Nobody came to this world to come and be pleasing anybody. In fact sef, it is not okay for both parties to be broke hian! Broke men and women should not be in relationships joor. How e go sweet? No credit to call, no transport fare to go out, no birthday gifts etc……..haba. Na wa!

      NB: a man earning lesser than you is not necessarily broke. You just happen to earn more.

    • "changing moniker"

      April 27, 2016 at 1:26 pm

      please tell her….a man earning less than a woman doesn’t make him broke….
      people are just so annoying with their narrow minded thinking…so someone who is broke now can’t be rich tomorrow? how do you then say someone who is broke (in which case she refers to someone earning les than the woman ) has nothing to offer?
      i guess some people write articles like this irrepective of whether they have any valid points because of the number of comments such articles would bring…

    • mz_daniels

      April 27, 2016 at 5:19 pm

      Beht not every woman will cook.

      See, there’s something inherent in a man’s nature to give, provide and protect, just like there’s something inherent in a woman to nuture. This is in love situations oh,

      I have a type A personality but I’ve noticed that there are men who just make me want to nurture them and I respect their every word, trust their decisions and seeks their opinions, I am a WOMAN in the presence of these men and I love it.

      I’ve also realized that when a man cares, he gives and when he gives, he keeps caring, pure nature. When we take away the opportunity for these men to give to us, nature is unbalanced.

      If you are providing everything for a man, he will subconsciously resent you and even cheat on you. Remember, in a marriage, we are to be ‘naked and unashamed’. In relationships, the man-woman role is that of provider and nurturer. I have a personal theory that some so called successful women get cheated on because they refuse the men the opportunity to take care of them ( there is no excuse for cheating though).

      God so loved the world that he GAVE. Husbands love your wife as christ loved the church and GAVE himself for her. And yes I believe in submission not subservience or abuse but submission.

      That said, the Anambra babe in me cannot give a guy shishi, by ancestors will turn in their grave. It is my God given right as a woman to be spent on.

      PS; You can always get a cook or a laundry person, but a woman who will nuture you and submit to you, you have to be a man who will love and provide for her.

      1
    • Tunmi

      April 27, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      I was shocked reading the article. But from the comments, it’s the laziness and lack of ambition the women complain about. The guy just happened to be broke. Now, how about born into money and still lazy and no ambition, what happens then?

  26. Bokun

    April 26, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Totally agree with you. I’m an independent woman. I have a strong man accepting of his male role supporting me. I’ve got a strong nurturing and maternal instinct. I enjoy being pregnant, breastfeeding, bringing up my kids, pottering around in my kitchen, looking fine. My hubby is a proud man. He enjoys providing. I work part time. I have a great work / life balance. I have this because I’m paired with my equal. People are different though. I have a friend who is not maternal in the least she admits so too. she enjoys working extra hours.

  27. Sabifok

    April 26, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    Err, in your article you reminisce about the old days when men earned and took care of all the woman’s financial needs. Maybe you were referring to the 70s and 80s, an era when many women did not have opportunities in the corporate world that men did, or were not even sent to school by their father in the first place, hence the reason why men had more earning power. Is that what you truly want

    If not if we look at the traditional Nigerian settings our grandparents grew up in, providing for the family was an equal task shared by man and wife. Women actually planted the seeds and helped with farmwork like harvesting. Men did more physical tasks like building barns or tapping palmwine/hunting. But women helped till the soil, and cultivate the produce. They dried fish, ground kernels into palm oil, sold foodstuff in the market, all to bring income in. So there was a fair balance.

    Sounds to me that some of today’s women want to enjoy a best of both worlds , but some of them are confused. They rightly want parity in the corporate world, and huge say in their affairs, or for women to be given equal status. That is important and imperative. But some of them also want men to spend all the time on them or be more well off than them, or for a guy to carry all their financial burdens. Make up your damn mind!

    • mz_daniels

      April 27, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      In the real world, men and women are human beings and achievement, charisma, determine how one is respected. The man-woman roles only come into play in dating/relationship/marriage situations. Husbands love your wives, wives submit to your husband, The bible did not say, men love women and women submit to men. It’s just like saying an M.D with staff his parent’s age shouldn’t be accorded his respect.

  28. enyioma ohiaeri

    April 26, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    A bad man is a bad man….broke or rich…..you must have dated rich guys that you could not stand their guts and stupidity either…..please do more investigations about men before u write…..a possessive man is possessive….broke or rich……a jealous man is too…..broke or not! I think if a woman doesn’t like broke guys…she has the right to avoid them entirely not jump into a relationship with them and write epistles later.

  29. Sai sai

    April 26, 2016 at 8:08 pm

    First things first,speaking from experience, most male bankers are broke because they live on loan, it is from this loan they are able to buy cars or whatever gives others the impression they are rich,not forgetting the fact that these loans are paid back from their salaries with interest…except of course he is a Branch manager or a senior bank officer..
    Secondly, the writer has a stereotyped view, simply because she dated the wrong guy..some of the so called rich guys are possessive, and suffer from major complex issues…It doesn’t matter whether a guy is rich or broke, his bad attitude will alwayz be the death of any relationship he goes into..ladies be sensible, not all broke guyz are insensitive or insecure, if you are dating ‘a broke guy’ who is focused, driven and treats you like a queen, please keep him, his future is bright…Its not all men that you toiled with till they amass wealth will throw you to the dogs..I have no idea where the writer came up with that 9 outta 10 rating…like really?

  30. Adebamiro Adekunle

    April 26, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    I read ya Article on bella naija and I am disappointed. I deliberately took my time to send u this mail! I think civilization and modernization as turned the world upside down! Why will a lady even call her man broke! In the days of our fathers who were extremely broke they married more than one wife. Even in modern times we have people of extreme lower class who has successful marriage. Every man can’t be rich I think Nigerians urban lady has been too exposed that they are all gunning down for silver spoons forgetting that silver spoons are rare! Your opinion does not represent the opinion of the Nigerians lady and it will never represent. I am really disappointed at the article and I think the Nigerians man deserve an apology form u.

    • someone

      April 27, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      lwkmd @ Nigerians man deserve apology. biko dont kill me. im at work

      1
    • Bess

      April 28, 2016 at 11:13 am

      shuuuuuu Oga Adebamiroooo its really not that serious abeg. Nawa ooo you go sabi proud unneccessarily wella dat i can deduce from your write up.

  31. 'Deola

    April 26, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    There are other things that drive dating beyond financial security. Peer pressures drives it. Societal pressure drives it. Biological clock drives it. And sometimes just the mere feeling of social connection drives it. It is as complicated as life itself. If we had a choice and if we could all determine our fates, maybe we will be able to match our choices. Unfortunately that is not the case.

    All that said, the flourishing cultural shift in gender roles in many parts of the world and the modern nature of the economy, our lives and the flow of labour inter and intra country makes it hard to predict what each individual male or female will end up with. It is the nature of the market now and everyone (man or woman) has a shelf life unless you decide to opt out of the dating market altogether. For some there is fulfilment in being alone.

    But for others, I will say have an open mind. Apply some wisdom, but don’t sweat it too much. It is a journey you have little control on what you will encounter. It is part lottery and part common sense to get what you desire.

  32. nwaoma

    April 26, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    lolz higher level of grace indeed,

  33. chick

    April 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    I met my bf back in nysc camp,I got a job five months after service but unfortunately he hasn’t gotten a job since then.he is broke n jobless but almost done wit his masters.he is a gud guy wit a really gud character n hardworking just hasn’t bin lucky yet.
    I have to say its not easy coupled wit the long distance,but I will kip praying for him n hoping he gets a job soon.my frnds tink am stupid for still dating him but DAT doesn’t bother me.he has a gud head on his shoulders n guys like him r hard to come by these days.
    so broke or rich doesn’t really matter,a rich character is the most important thing.

  34. Male

    April 26, 2016 at 11:14 pm

    Hmmm women.

  35. STARGAZER

    April 26, 2016 at 11:24 pm

    @emmanuel thank you very much for your comment. Nkem, thanks for your article of “dating a broke ass”. However, my take was that since its a norm to use present financial stance as a yardstick for dating, i promised my self i will never get married to a jobless or broke chic even if she hotter than kim kardashian. Men too deserve to grow above their level. So if as a guy i earn like 4million per annum, i would grow poorer in the long run if i get married to a broke chic but, if i get married to a chic i love and she earns at least 2million per annum our financial strenghth will only get better. Its simple arithmetic progression. So remember as you advocate for chics not dating a broke guy, remember too that us as dudes aint stupid.Am presently married and my wife bring funds to the table, this makes her hotter even for me.

  36. FloLisa

    April 27, 2016 at 12:11 am

    I fink in relationship we have to not go in without our brains,the most important thing is to believe in the guy cos if you don’t .ur wasting your time ,I totally get ur point Nkem EXTRA GRACE ,u hv to b sure ur not bn manage cos wen a man/woman is hungry he can eat anything but once he/she is boyant enough he goes to a good restaurants to eat better food, if u really love a guy u don’t need to spend much on him cos he will relax and that’s wen u know he is d lazy type.but d hard working dude will keep pressing won’t let u b d bread winner. Infact when you find the good one is even an opportunity to build up it can b frustrating thou .
    In conclusion I think the best advice is the one you give yourself .if you think that you can do it fyn .but you hv to have an open mind about it anything can happen. You have to be were your bn celebrated not managed , cos I did mine for 10yrs ( both friendship/dating) and we getting married in 25dz ,destiny I fink.might not work for u like mine cos it was not easy .understanding is keyyyy. please don’t loose a good man cos of money instead character.

  37. Tosin

    April 27, 2016 at 1:33 am

    🙁

  38. Gorgeous

    April 27, 2016 at 3:34 am

    O boy, I am a feminist but I can’t deal with brokeage. I am not even the most demanding girlfriend, but I like to be able to just step out and have a nice meal on the boo. And him on me. Even though right now, na torch light I de use see the boo’s money. But I know the money is there, he is just a very focused man with his spending. Which I respect. However, I know very well that that comfort level is well padded. No shaking. The way I am, I can’t survive suffering. I have been spoiled by my dad from small. Reason why I laugh at some guys, they can’t cope with me. Guys see girls and dream about what they want life to be. Not considering if the girl can cope with such a life. They are so obsessed with their own idea. Smh.

    • O_o

      April 27, 2016 at 8:19 am

      She say “focused”. Ahun buruku ni bobo. Loool

    • Gorgeous

      April 27, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      No honey, he is building our future home from scratch. Do you have any one in your life that can remotely do that in the most expensive country in the world? Please know who to come from. In dating, we are not mates. Even your father’s father cannot afford to date me. hahaha

  39. ahah

    April 27, 2016 at 4:06 am

    Any man that needs money to feel like a man is not a man. For me it doesn’t matter if you have money more than me or not, it doesn’t change who i am. I am self assured and self confident because i have GOD!!!. I am not just saying because it is a fantasy, i am saying it because i have lived the life. For a girl a there is nothing wrong chasing after money but don’t confuse it with “broke guys do these or that”. when i first moved to Europe i dated a girl that was wealthy. I wasn’t doing badly because i was heavily into some “things” and i guess most people would have considered me rich (my balling pics were usually stolen to promote clubs lol), but she was wealthy. Her parents offered me things “all those we can change ur generation things” that most people dream of. It didn’t make me feel emasculated but i could see why other guys could be,I mean the kind of money i saw wasn’t “i have my car and he doesn’t have his so i cant deal” talk i am reading here. I flew private like commercial and all. But it didn’t work out not because i couldn’t accept the offers or pride, but i was too young to make such a commitment.And then i was real broke in money but rich in GOD. I removed my hands from the “things ” and i was broke to the core. I dated a girl that didn’t know me before so for her all my pics and stories where “i get am before no be property”. we dated for 4 years.she paid for everything rent, dinner, trips, barbershop money i mean everything for 4 years!!!!. she was very attractive and truth be told i always wondered what she saw in me,But i never felt emasculated i checked her when need be as usual, and no unnecessary quarrels. we moved to separate countries and she didn’t mind settling with me but logistics couldn’t make it possible. she still supported me in the country i was through professional exams, rent like clockwork even though we were not together,I got a good job and used some connect too and things popped of again but i never forgot her!!!. One day i estimated all what she might have spent and tippled it, plus a condo in her name and gave it to her on her birthday . she has been married for a while with kids, doing okay.Her husband is cool and we are all cordial.He comes to me with proposals sometimes and i support strongly .I guess wherever she is at anytime she knows there is someone that will do anything for her and her kids , she doesn’t even know the things i plan for the kids as their uncle!!! and she never has to worry. That is a woman that dated me when i was -0 financially and gave me priority in everything. She never expected anything back and always told me never to feel pressured to commit to her. But a good person is a good person. I thank God everyday that she didn’t have the mentality of some girls i am seeing on this blog.

    • Mr. Egghead

      April 27, 2016 at 6:02 am

      The second woman is what we like to call a “unicorn.” A paragon of perfection that is not representative of the general

      I remember an off-hand comment from a female classmate of mine years ago:
      | “Money doesn’t matter to me, but I can’t marry a poor man ”

      Most men know this and they hustle like hell to stay out of the broke zone. They know that many women push the “equality” movement just to feel cool, but in their heads they will not tolerate a guy who does not have his own money,
      Men will be Men = Providers of the Bacon
      Women will be Women – Eaters of the Bacon

      1
    • californiabawlar

      April 27, 2016 at 7:26 am

      A friend once asked me: can you marry a poor man?
      My response? ” The question should be can a poor man marry me? I’m determined to be rich…and since I’m not changing that for anybody, things will work out as it should be”
      This conversation happened when I was 17, in my first year in uni, when most of my mates were worried about getting their first official boyfriends, lol. Anyways true to my words…I have never had a man without ambition show serious interest me. Not one till date. What will we even be talking about? My drive is a huge part of who I am. The same thing goes for all my relationships…all my friends are always trying to do something, lol.

      Even most men don’t roll with broke girls these days…and if you’re into that type of thing, there’s always someone poorer than you, go to the village and pick a wife! those babes are usually the froshest anyways….don’t let the city girls be your reason for becoming a criminal or worst still a douchebag.

      1
    • O_o

      April 27, 2016 at 8:32 am

      Wow! I do not understand how one lets that kind of person (the unicorn/2nd woman) go. Logistics be damned, if it were me we go make am work o by force. I guess you didn’t love her as much because the kind of lady you described is stuff of fairy-tales and legends; but when you don’t really love someone that much, them fit be archangel nothing go happen.

    • Mmege

      April 27, 2016 at 9:59 am

      You are listening to that story half way, Logistics did not stop anything, the boy dropped the girl like hot coal and moved on to a leech with Brazilian hair..looool!..My dear most Nigerian guys don’t marry women who nurture them and act like their mothers. If they do its always out of pity or duty so that people wont talk..The typical Nigerian man has been wired to marry a leech. It is a fact! That is why they always cheat, its not about the sex, its about having someone who thinks they are their world, waits on them to provide and worship them. Check out the single babes you know, they are usually the hard working, I support my man when he is down type.
      See I don’t care about broke or rich men, but my own advice to single ladies is if you are helping your boyfriend help him with the sentiments that you have when you are helping your blood brother succeed. Do it for you or God or your faith but never do it because you think it will make him think you are a wife material, if he is a Nigerian he will not, he will see you as his mother and best friend but not wife. The reason why women always agonize when men they stood by walk away at the end of the struggle, is because they did it to be married. Dont help any Nigerian hoping he will marry you when he hammers, 9 out of 10 times he will not. So if already-made is your thing stick to it, there is no shame in the game. Most men wont marry broke ugly girls either, if they marry a broke girl she most likely would be a trophy wife(asampokoto)..Lol!

    • Single girl

      April 27, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      If you are single, please contact me on +2348172398716.
      Thank you

  40. oluseyi

    April 27, 2016 at 9:21 am

    guys want trendy looking girls and they can’t afford to help keep the look up. At some point she’ll fell that need to be pampered. Please check out my blog guys. oluseyiemdin. WordPress. com. Thanks.

    1
  41. truth

    April 27, 2016 at 9:36 am

    its this mentality that made scared of marrying a nigerian woman in the first place. even though i am married to one now, i still keep my guards up.

    our women have been taught this gibberish since birth and now its gettin’ worse becos the world has come to embrace vanity and not the true values of marriage or relationships anymore.

    people like the daft punk that wrote this article are the sort of people that make it hard for women to find the right man

    i come from a wealthy family and i have a lot of wealthy affluent friends but i’d never wish to to have their lifestyle or blessings. wealth can be a great curse especially in a country where it is over-exhaulted more than morals. having money doesn’t make you happy and if it does, it only lasts temporarily. its wat u do with the money dat counts. sometimes i wish we never had dat much money in the first place becos it damages a lot of things and makes selfishness and greed divide families and the bond btw one, his wife and his true friends. i neva grew up to depend on my parents’ wealth or anyone else’s. my brothers and I are very comfy and making money of our own not even wanting anything in the supposed will.

    black women need to think independently and stop bitching about men and the silly rights they make up. no black woman born on earth has been born with a right to be catered to. its sumn that naturally comes with love and it doesn’t apply to women only. men need love too.

    the writer of this article is definitely single and won’t be married for a long time, i can guarantee you that. find another job, babes or you’ll be broke and single for many yrs to come.

    • Akin

      April 27, 2016 at 9:57 am

      @Truth, Bro 3 gbosa for you. I hope they listen.

    • mizwest

      April 27, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      Wetin dey provoke una ??Broke thirsty ass brothers . By their angry comments you shall know them. Make una sitdon give unaself Yeye fowl self, gbosa in honour of your brotherhood of brokeage. God forbid una suffer head ministry .

    • meah

      April 27, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      You really do not have to insult the writer. Using mean words tells us the kind of person that you are. We all have the freedom to express our opinions without insulting another.

    • truth

      April 28, 2016 at 11:38 am

      there’s a big difference btw being blunt and insulting someone, i tell it as it is, i dont sugarcoat or edit nothing to make no one feel better. some can handle it and some cant. and that’s the truth

    • Omosexy

      April 27, 2016 at 4:29 pm

      Uncle monkeeeee. God has already done the division of labour OKAY. Even women try they even take on some man responsibility and provide for their home. Super women. Now weak men like you want to share the work mandated to you. You no well. Abeg which town you come ftom so I can warn my sisters o!. Go and suffer and give birth to your own daughter and then hand her over to a broke lazy man to help you pafuka her .

    • unbelievable

      April 28, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      @truth, you would know a lot about not being able to handle the truth wouldn’t you, considering your outcry was because you couldn’t handle the writer’s truth. Shame on you Mr.

  42. unbelievable

    April 27, 2016 at 10:02 am

    @uncle truth, this sounds like a personal beef something, how do you know she is single and how do you know this is her only job? Why the bitter ranting? For someone who feels the need to pass judgment and curse down the beautiful soul that has written this honest piece, your thinking is very myopic .Clearly, you are extremely  short sighted and not intelligent enough to grasp the message being passed here.  Biko, no one cares that you come from a wealthy family, that you have a lot of wealthy affluent friends or that you are burdened with the weight of your riches. Abeg abeg, such false modesty. You are one of the people she wrote about in her other article about guys you meet in Lagos. Go and read it and find yourself. fowl.

    1
    • sammiewolf

      April 27, 2016 at 11:17 am

      This sounds a little too much like the writer…lol

    • Truth

      May 8, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      i’m not in nigeria and i’m a lagosian at heart wherever i am in the world but i know how a US-based/influenced delusional female sounds. the article came from an ideology created and widely-practiced in the west; the main reason why a lot of their ladies are divorced, single or always confused trying to figure out men.

      sad thing, these days a lot of young nigerian women follow trends set by the west and their ideologies about men, material and unrealistic happiness.

      i don’t have any personal beef with nkem and if she is reading this, i invite you to debate it with me over drinks anytime in lagos (on the Island) and dat also goes for any other female who feels offended by my initial post directed towards nkem’s article.

      an intellectual conversation educates its participants and pleases the heart, in the same way. a guitar pleases the ears of its listeners.

      my delivery may seem brash but everyone expresses their opinions differently. You probably came across a type of expression u aint usually used to.

      So if you can’t handle it, that’s your personal problem. Nkem hasnt asked u to come to her aid yet you are on here making a fool of yourself.

      try painting, hiking or sumn creative. you can do it. i believe in you my son or daughter. whatever u are.

  43. Why?

    April 27, 2016 at 10:13 am

    Dude, this is a little too harsh. This is her opinion, don’t take it too personal or judge her for it . You have your own faults too, why throw stones and predict an awful future for her? You need to appologize man, then gerrarrahere…we don’t need your kinda attitude in this place. Bella Naija, can’t believe you approved his comment.

    • Truth

      May 8, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      dont cry for me argentina.

  44. balongo

    April 27, 2016 at 10:21 am

    I once dated a broke guy, we dated for about seven years (on and Off though) he was extra broke and would even borrowed money from the upkeep allowance i got from my mum even while i was a youth corp member he would borrow from my allawi.I just knew this wasn’t what i wanted, i eventually got a job and even the mum said i should make sure i assist him oooo, To cut the long story short i ended the relationship when i met a working class guy,not super rich of-course but comfortable i just wanted security not some broke ass guy and we are happily married today,

  45. timmyblast

    April 27, 2016 at 10:48 am

    You cry for gender equality, you also want the man to be the head when it comes to provision. what does the woman really want

    1
    • What women want

      April 27, 2016 at 11:34 am

      We want both. Shikena!

    • Confused.com

      April 27, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      Who are we?
      Women!
      What do we want?
      We don’t know!
      When do we want it
      Now!

  46. Mmege

    April 27, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    You are listening to that story half way, Logistics did not stop anything, the boy dropped the girl like hot coal and moved on to a leech with Brazilian hair..looool!..My dear most Nigerian guys don’t marry women who nurture them and act like their mothers. If they do its always out of pity or duty so that people wont talk..The typical Nigerian man has been wired to marry a leech. It is a fact! That is why they always cheat, its not about the sex, its about having someone who thinks they are their world, waits on them to provide and worship them. Check out the single babes you know, they are usually the hard working, I support my man when he is down type.
    See I don’t care about broke or rich men, but my own advice to single ladies is if you are helping your boyfriend help him with the sentiments that you have when you are helping your blood brother succeed. Do it for you or God or your faith but never do it because you think it will make him think you are a wife material, if he is a Nigerian he will not, he will see you as his mother and best friend but not wife. The reason why women always agonize when men they stood by walk away at the end of the struggle, is because they did it to be married. Dont help any Nigerian hoping he will marry you when he hammers, 9 out of 10 times he will not. So if already-made is your thing stick to it, there is no shame in the game. Most men wont marry broke ugly girls either, if they marry a broke girl she most likely would be a trophy wife(asampokoto)..Lol!

  47. Nwabundu

    April 27, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    I read every single comment here. Yes every comment.

    Dating a broke guy is all fun and games until you marry him, are trying to have children and can’t afford the cost of IVF or Fibroid surgery, can’t afford trying different specialists, can’t even get his family to support, or your family because they blame you for choosing this path.

    And he decides he wants to be a verbally abusive drunkard.

    BROKENESS affects a man’s psyche, don’t do it

    • busybee

      April 27, 2016 at 3:22 pm

      I also read every single comment and I just want to tell single girls that marrying broke guys ends up badly 99 times out of 100. Look at all the aunties you have that support their husbands, are they happy, do they not look older than they are?

      A woman should have her own and pull her weight in order to help her husband/kids/parents and also to set a good example for her daughters. We are not disputing that. However, the sole purpose of a woman going to work should NEVER be to feed a man and support a family 100%. It’s ok if you do it for two years while he gets a master’s or for a few months when he’s out of a job, but it will never make you happy long term.

      Don’t deceive yourselves, you know the difference between someone whose brokeness is temporary and a man who is very comfortable with being fed, or even worse, a man who feels entitled to your money. Don’t let anyone shame you into tying your destiny with someone that will pull you down financially. Look at his family members, are they living off women, are they successful or is mediocrity and poverty something that they are ok with? These are the signs you should look for.

      I don’t want to go into my personal account but he who has ears let him hear.

      1
  48. skits

    April 27, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Don’t date a broke dude without ambition because those kind of guys r smooth operators. you will not know when you will offer to pay for everything including the wedding with your last penny and then marriage sets in and your eyes will clear and the love will fade away when you wake up every morning to go to work and your husband is still snoring on the bed. Trust me i know.

    1
  49. staying strong

    April 27, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    I’m currently going through this……..got married two years ago to my bestfriend. We were both working and we had almost the same income. I’ve always been supportive right from when we were dating. Helped out with his rent and a lot of our wedding expenses.

    Less than a year after we got married, hubby lost his job ( he was very good at his job and got blakmailed and sacked), just when we found out we were expecting. Cos of the stigma that came with the sack, he’s not been able to get another one even after applying to many orgs. I’ve been the one shouldering all our expenses, rent, Feeding, fuelling, you name it. It’s very hard surviving and what bothers me is that he loved his former job too much to let go. He feels it’s all he knows how to do.

    I’ve advised him to try starting a small business, though there are no funds yet but he can just try maybe fixing computers cos he’s very good with his hands but he always comes up with one excuse or the other. I think he feels it’s degrading and condescending. He’s finding it hard to let go and still hoping that he’ll get a paid job like the last one. I’ve really tried to be patient, more responsibilities come up everyday, we can’t even afford a creche for our baby. I never make him feel like he’s a burden, and I’m very free with finances cos I know it can happen to anybody.

    I just hope and pray things turn around for good. I agree with the writer cos I need all the grace I can get.

    Sorry for the long epistle.

    • missarewa

      April 27, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      I’m so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately there’s not a way to tell before situations arise but I feel like a man should be ready to sell pure water to feed his family. No legal job should be demeaning or degrading. My dad was working a day job and using his personal car as taxi just to be able to send me to a good school. I just hope that brand of man is not extinct now.

      1
    • staying strong

      April 27, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      Your dad is one in a million. God bless his soul. The truth is that such men are rare these days. Thanks for your kind words.

    • Gorgeous

      April 27, 2016 at 6:41 pm

      He is not a lazy man. Only circumstances made this happen. people have to understand that even if you dont want t broke dude, life can happen. he needs to get over his depression and understand that he has a family to feed. This supersedes what anyone thinks about him. You guys need to sit down and plan the next step with your full support. because in this uncertain times you can also lose your job.

      1
    • More strength I pray.

      May 1, 2016 at 7:16 am

      @staying strong, I pray your husband finds a better paying job real soon as it’s not easy at all. Mine has been for 7years, got married to my childhood sweetheart, I wasn’t better than him financially but I was determined to succeed by all means as I had no real support system, worked 3 jobs at atime while in Uni in this same Naija that’s for you to know how driven I am. Now my Oga on the other hand is mentally lazy, complacent, all his great ideas has to be pushed off through me, I don’t understand why he can’t put in the extra effort. He has a good job but never drops kobo except for upkeep which I still double to cater for us and the kids. I pay the fees, rent till I stopped two years ago, hospital bills, repair cars, infact everything and yet he treats me like it’s my fault I’m hardworking. He keeps malice with me, gives me attitude when I refuse to drop or even when I do like I’ve done something bad, blames me for everything bad, has been caught cheating a million times, infact, my epistle can’t be over in a day. Moral of the story, marry an ambitious, strong willed, responsible, appreciative, God fearing manly man. Only God knows how long I’ll last in this marriage, I AM TIRED.

  50. LemmeRant

    April 27, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Me i will just bookmark this article so i can reference later when another article about gender equality/equal rights comes up.

  51. ahah

    April 27, 2016 at 6:33 pm

    @mmege u missed the point. You will believe what you want to believe and in order to support your inadequacies.I repeat money cant emasculate me and and i don’t need a girl to “worship” me to feel like a man.I haven’t even dated anyone and still single since we broke up as i have been concentrating on biz and work.if i dumped her, we will still be very cordial? are we going to still be family friends? .It is you that understand the story halfway!!!.I said logistics ,do you want me to start explaining logistics in another 3oo words? no be essay we dey write. it already felt weird writing that much already.Not all men need a “leech with Brazilian hair” did you miss the part i said she was very attractive,maybe i should say she has a modelling career for u to understand she is attractive.Park well, you mind cant comprehend what you cant imagine.

  52. Jamce

    April 28, 2016 at 4:43 am

    @staying strong, kudos to you. These things happen. Your husband needs a bit of counseling, guidance and encouragement to transit from paid employment mentality to being an entrepreneur. I also believe he can make that transition and be successful. He can reach me on [email protected] for a chat.

  53. continue

    April 28, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    I just read and saw all the drama Tbillz created on instagram and I just had to come back to this article. Chai! T-billz just showed all the wahala that can come with marrying a broke guy! Poor Tiwa Savage! Ladies, shine your eyes!

    • Truth

      May 8, 2016 at 12:52 pm

      hahahhahaha. funniest comment on here.

  54. Truth

    May 8, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    @unbelievable

  55. Truth

    May 8, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    and here’s to everyone else that thinks i’m being too harsh, u can take a look at one of her previous articles here and read thru the comments section. now u can see i’m not the only one disgusted by silly unworthy articles:

    https://www.bellanaija.com/2016/04/nkem-ndem-basic-rules-of-being-a-lagos-side-chic/

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