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Dr. Monica’s Corner: Excessively Seeking Validation On Social Media Might Be An Indication of Poor Mental Health

Monica Alabi

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Monica AlabiSocial media has changed the way we live; in particular, the way we interact with others. Our lives, while seemingly being more open for the world to view, have actually taken on more layers – burying our core even deeper.

A picture, they say, is more than a thousand words. I beg to differ; a picture sometimes says nothing at all. Apart from incessant postings, there is a darker side with mental health crises played out for the world to see and sadly makes for entertainment for some.

Learning to understand what makes people behave the way they do takes time and effort and in our 24/7 culture,who has that kind of time.

I remember a conversation about the incessant posting of every single life event on social media. I mean, from waking up, breakfast, family… you name it… by a certain person. This was causing some discomfort to some others (wetin consign you right?) The posts in themselves are not the issue; however, what drives this type of behaviour?

One could argue that it is vanity – just one of the four desires that drives human behaviour (the others are Acquisitiveness. Rivalry. Love of power).
The payment may be in the number of likes, new friend requests, follows or shares. On the other hand, it could be a sign of something more serious – a topic that we are generally uncomfortable with: poor mental health.

It may be a way of getting affirmation, validation or just some comfort. If your livelihood is dependent on posting your life’s activities, you’re exempt.

Seeking help for physical symptoms may be seen as more worthy than issues that cannot be seen.However,the impact of poor mental health on your physical health is significant.Anxiety and depression are the common ones discussed but there are many other health conditions that need urgent attention. As world mental health day approaches on the 10th of October, I ask that we all give it some thought.

One in four people will develop a mental health condition in their lifetime. It cannot be ignored.
It is one of the leading causes of ill health and disability worldwide. I struggle to find any sound policy on mental health in Nigeria.
Other parts of the world also struggle to get optimal mental health policies but the wherewithal is there. In the UK, poor mental health is 60% more in black people than their white counterparts.

Until the government get their policies patient-focused, what can you do to keep your mental health in optimum condition?

  1. Exercise: Regular exercise can have immense positive impact on your mental health. It relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better and boosts your overall mood.
  2. Screen yourself: If you suspect you may have a mood disorder like anxiety,depression,schizophrenia etc,there are a myriad of online screening and self help tools. Try this.
  3. Speak to a qualified health professional: I believe everyone should have a GP(General Practitioner). A GP is a doctor who has spent years specializing in knowing something about every aspect of your health.He/She can provide you with 90% of your health needs and refer you on the rest of the time.

If you suspect someone you know may be suffering, share this with them and you may be saving a life. Let us de-mystify and de-stigmatize mental health.

59 Comments

  1. Francine

    September 13, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    “xcessively Seeking Validation On Social Media Might Be An Indication of Poor Mental Health”

    Gbam Gbammer Gbammest.
    Best Quote Ever. I agree 100%.
    90% of folks on Instagram are just that.
    Seeking validation with their everyday posing
    Every click of “Like” ups their low self esteem a notch
    And this is why i turned one cute handsome dude down. He ask me out i ask for his social handles i check his FB and IG and On his IG page 99% of images are of him and him alone.
    Go figure 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 narcissist much . At least show me picture of food , beach or something. The prostitutes seeking for clients are the easiest to suss out. Its very obvious what they are selling – Favorite pose sticking tongue out like snake .

    On my page 10% of the pictures are of me, then there is pictures fam and friends, the rest is just things i enjoy in life, food, travel, nice quotes, home decor etc

    so You have heard oohhh, This quote is for you Toke, Amaka, RuthMilano, Rukky Sanda, and most of nollywood newbies seeking attention etc etc etc – go and examine your head ohhhh. And now the new thing is the IG videos, all they will do is post videos admiring themselves and turning their head left right like agama lizard. Sad Entities.

    I love social media – because it sums up a person pretty well. Whether facebook or Instagram. Their pages tell the whole story of whom you are dealing with (most of the time) especially the narcissist or thee ashaw0s are detected real quick

    • Anonymous

      September 14, 2016 at 7:29 am

      Please low self esteem is not an insult. Stop using it to insult others. It is a mental situation. You don’t know what they went through to get there. Some have been abused sexually, physically, verbally and may only think that they have to constantly prove themselves to the world. Nobody feels confident about themselves all the days of their life. The only problem is when a person with low self esteem is trying to bring others down to their level. Posting pictures of yourself is not bringing others down. Now, throwing unnecessary insults at them is bringing them down and that in itself is a sign of low self esteem. So check yourself hun. The likes of you ehn.

    • Lol

      September 14, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Here goes the world, there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself too much and being a Narcissistic person because hating yourself u will still hear u hate yourself so love the f*** out Of yourself.Why should he posts pictures of others on his personal page it’s his page not him and others.My friend you are slow and a hater.Nothing wrong in people’s self esteem being helped by likes or whatever as long as it makes them feel better isn’t that what’s important ? All these Dr’s analyzing people I want to see their real lives.Let people live their lives how they please & how it makes them happy as long as they aren’t hurting anyone.Stop hating ,no cute boy wanted you now using cute imaginary boy to feel wanted.Why go look at his SM page why not find out about him from him?

    • Amanda

      September 14, 2016 at 9:11 am

      Most of the Nigerian entertainment blogs today run majorly (are dependent) from people’s activities on social media networks. So doesn’t that mean there is something wrong with those of us including you that partake in the viewing of this ‘narcissistic’ individuals activities. You wouldn’t know that someone is constantly changing stuff on their social network if you weren’t tailing and monitoring their instagram, twitter, Facebook and snapchat pages. Check yourself before you go after other people.

    • De Duchess

      September 14, 2016 at 9:23 am

      How self righteous!
      And you are better than all these people, are you not!

    • De Duchess

      September 14, 2016 at 9:24 am

      Sorry Amanda, that was directed to Francine.

    • Dee

      September 14, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Read the article again, Francine. The doctor clearly said: “If your livelihood is dependent on posting your life’s activities, you’re exempt.” Most of the people you mentioned are making their living from social media – they have blogs, vlogs and other businesses that are built around their activities, and so the success of their business is dependent on creating and sustaining an online presence. So please free them. Also, there’s no need for the condescending tone, we all have our issues.

    • Xoxo

      September 14, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      Francine, your comment is very appalling. What is your business with how much a person posts on social media? Why not monitor your own life. If their posts make you sick ignore the page or better still block them so you won’t see their posts. Not everyone is interested in posting about food, I for one don’t feel the need to post the food I eat in fancy restaurants or anywhere else. It’s not even about self esteem for most IG users, some people just love themselves so much and love taking pictures of themselves, some are just vain and live for the comments but low self esteem is no joke. And all the likes in the world cannot make the person feel better. Even if it does, it’s only for a moment.. Clearly you don’t know what it feels like to be called beautiful by so many people and still not see anything good in yourself to the extent that you hate pictures of youself. That is me. I have very low self esteem which is as a result of being abused by my parents driver and constantly bullied by my classmates in primary school. I dreaded going to school and I also dreaded being picked up from school because I knew after facing my horrible classmates I’ll have to face the scum bag of a man. So don’t joke about people with low self esteem, some factor(s) triggered it. I’m thankful to God for the wonderful boyfriend he brought my way, the others were just insensitive about it but he takes it seriously and he is helping me love myself and making sure I see the good in myself. He is honestly God sent because I’ve started gaining my confidence back. It’s gonna take a while, maybe years but eventually I’ll be the confident person that God made me to be. So please swerve with your 10% pictures of yourself and the others of family and the things you enjoy on IG. Everyone is not the same. Let others live their lives, live yours.

    • wendy

      September 14, 2016 at 4:24 pm

      lmao
      I had to go check up ruth… Who is she? All I see is small chick married to someone that can be her papa… Abeg enlighten me….

  2. Jamce

    September 13, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    Dr. Alabi has brought out a very valid issue which we should all take to heart and evaluate our use or misuse of social media.

    Well done Dr. Alabi for this awakening.

  3. Lana

    September 13, 2016 at 11:09 pm

    Bella forgive the randomness but I was wondering if there was anyone with a specialty mental disorders might be able to help me? I’ve suspected for a while that my mum is not all there, my siblings and I used to suspect that she was bipolar but now I think I’ve narrowe
    d it down to narcissist personality disorder.
    1. This woman is a bully. She ENJOYS intimidating and belittling anyone that she knows will let her get away with it. I’m the first child and this woman has belittled me time and time again in front of my siblings, she has undermined ANY authority I have. Honestly, I really won’t care if not for the fact that from a tender age I have had no choice but to step in and take on the role of a mother to my younger ones. We don’t even live in the same country however if my siblings are in trouble or in need of anything, the first person they would call is me.
    2. She’s pretentious and a hypocrite. Madame prayer warrior alwaus going on and on about how she’s a servant of God. During any argument she would have a handy list of all.the good things she had done for everyone around her. Like she has a set list. Bella, if I had children I would not leave them with her. I am her child I know what she is capable of. She has pushed my father, me and my siblings of the edge. No sympathy whatsoever, if it is not going to make her look good she would not be bothered. I.e. her employee of 20yrs just had a child. Two days later she called him and his wife and threatened to fire him if he didn’t show up in the office as she saw not reason why he should still be in the house.
    3. She is a master manipulator. This woman can lie for China. Like she can spin things around in ways that will live you reeling, you will get whiplash. A master class in gaslighting you. She will isolate you, make you feel comfortable and them when you are in a vulnerable spot (she’s a fan of doing this when you have just woken up) she will strike. One of my aunts told me a story of how she woke her up and at 2am in the morning to ask her why she hadn’t gotten married yet. Personally I have just come back from a trip(I has planned and paid for myself) with the intention to see her. For most of the trip she was not as high strung. Out relationship has been tense forthe last few years and I am trying to repair it andake and effort. She waited until we had left out hosts and were were on the train to pounce, telling me I was an uncarin, selfish and cold. And tha everyone else was lying to me and trying to lead me to my ruin. That’s she was the only one that knew what was best for me and could save me from cruel wicked world. This was all before 8am btw.
    4. She’s selfish, if you haven’t guessed that already. Everything that drips put of her mouth is all about her. Start talking and her eyes just glaze over, she is not interested. If she’s not the center of the attention, she can’t be bothered. If you are not acting in a way that will make her look good, watch her flip her lid. I am a life long nerd, and half introvert and extrovert, she takes it as a personal affront that I don’ socialize more always asking about classmates I hadn’t seen in ages. I have to hold myself from asking how I could have developed these relationships when during my school years I was never encouraged to leave the house. In fact her motto at that time was what’s wrong in staying in your house. Any house visits i’d make to classmates would always end so badly bcus she would be screaming about how inconveniet it is for her that is she had to leave her event to come.pick.me up. At the end I was so embarrassed by these incidents I stoped asking pple if I could come over.
    5. She makes it difficult to love her, she really does. Like I said earlier, these last few years out relationship has been strained. I’ve been making an effort to repair the damage but honestly after this trip, I giveup. Hers sisters have interceded on her behalf telling me they know how difficult she is and how toxic she says sometimes. They even had a short talk with her before this tri advising her to have an open mind. Well during that train ride to the airport, she ended by telling me that I was a terrible child for revealing family details to her siblings as it was exposing our family to gossip, that they were giving me bad advice and would not be around to help me deal with the fallout and as she didn’t ask about their children’s welfare she didn’t understand why they should be interested in mine.

    Bella at point in time I am numb to most of what she tries to pull but that last part made me so angry. Since I was a baby (am not even exaggerating) my aunts have taken carw of me as they would their own. They spoil me, fight for me and are there for me whenever I have needed it. Was few months ag during a particularly right time, one of them opened up to me about her depression an anxiety issues and how she was learning to deal with it. As someone who had suffered in silence for so long trying to maintain the image of the perfect family it meant a lot me that she could be that vulnerable. Having my mother try and poison that relate has filled me wit a disgust I didn’t think possible.

    This is not a good person. No one good would see someone doing so much for their child and feel furious about.it,especially when she had been so wanting in that area

    So please, if anyone is an expert in mental health, please let me know what you think. Am not perfect but I do lpve my family. I am tried of having on person rough housing everyone just bcus they can get way with it using religion and traditions. I work very hard and I am tired of having one person diminish what I have accomplished so far in my life

    Once again sorry for the rant, apologize for any typos

    • TEE

      September 14, 2016 at 2:34 am

      Dear Lana ,I could not finish your epistle but had to comment .

      You are not the only one with a difficult mum but your disdain is appalling.

      Your mum may have her demons but you have created one even more dangerous …Hate

      Have you tried prayer,or reporting her to her family, speaking to her kindly or even pretending to care for one month and see if things Don’t change .

      My mum is my biggest pain in my behind but I don’t joke with her .She is very useful and very annoying ,we fight every single day …no jokes but 10%peace we enjoy is bae then we fight against but she is still my mum and that position is not for sale

    • @Tee

      September 14, 2016 at 3:09 am

      Abeg don’t say what you don’t know. There are horrible people out there who are actually mothers and manifest their nasty behaviors to their kids and family daily. Don’t come here and tell Lana that she’s the one at fault when you don’t know either of them from jack! There are difficult moms and there are DIFFICULT moms. You haven’t even walked a mile in her shoes so you do not know where she is coming from. Keep your self righteous advice to yourself.

      Lana, girl I understand how difficult mothers can be. I’ll just say that in your situation, try as much as possible to be happy without focusing on how your mother treats you. You’re the only one who holds the key to your happiness. Since you have supportive family, focus on those ones and don’t let your mother give you a heartache. I hope you find peace and happiness.

    • Sheri

      September 14, 2016 at 4:03 am

      I’m really shocked to see that anybody would respond with such. Have you lived your whole life the way the Lana has? Somebody is asking for advice and you’re making it even more difficult for them. Really? Be a little more understanding. Everybody’s family ties are different, some go through more than the others. I wonder how you gathered “disdain” from the truth the individual spoke? You don’t know Lana’s frustrations or all what they have witnessed. They spoke their truth. If you didn’t have only helpful things to say, don’t say at all. Judgmental much?

      Anyways. Lana have you & your other family members tried sitting her down and speaking to her? Not telling her off o! Calmly sitting her down and letting her know how you genuinely feel? That’s all I can think of right now. It’s a very delicate situation and the truth is some humans can never change! Only life experiences can help shake them up. Words can only do so much.

    • dupsy

      September 14, 2016 at 4:22 am

      Tee,

      I think it is very wrong of you to accuse Lana of the way she feels towards her mom. Yes I know many mothers are sweet, nurturing and some can be a real pain in your ass BUT never disregard someone’s feelings about sensitive issues IF you have not been in their shoes or experienced what they are talking about. Yes your mom can be a pain in the ass ( my mom too ) but there is an element of love in that pain but we don’t know Lana’s mother or any of her family members to corroborate her story so the best thing to do is just offer her words of encouragement and wisdom and leave the matter as it is because we are not omniscient to know everything or omnipresent to have witnessed everything like God Almighty is.

      I personally know of some people whose mothers have almost killed them physically so some times ( very rare and extremely few) you can come across parents attacking those they are meant to love. It could be because they have a mental health problem which is untreated or for some other reason.

      Lana – You just continue to do what is expected of you as a daughter to your mother don’t cut off completely from her after all she carried you for nine months and brought you into this world. No matter how difficult or manipulative she might be to you and your siblings she nurtured you until you were an adult, think of it this way what if she had died when you were young??? Do you know how you would have turned out?

      What ever you don’t feel comfortable discussing with her keep it to yourself and God. Maintain your boundaries with her especially in relation to things she can do to hurt your feelings and make you wonder why she is doing those things to you or your siblings. But I beg you to be in contact with her and do your duty as a God fearing daughter to her. Pray to God that he will reveal her true nature to her and ask for the grace from God to make her change for the better but leave that aspect to God and you do what is expected of you as a daughter to her. Love your siblings and your aunts and sow the seed of love in your family to all even to those you feel they don’t deserve it. By God’s grace your mom will repent and change before she passes on.

    • Truthservedhot

      September 14, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Prayer ke? SMH

    • FasholasLover

      September 14, 2016 at 10:40 am

      @Tee, you read a part of what Lana wrote and you rushed to comment? You did not even finnish reading. Do you know her story? So, on what basis hv you put forward your advise? People like you piss me off. Everything is prayer and demons. I hv no energy this morning so, can’t even lash you the way l would hv loved to. Just mind yourself.

    • X-Factor

      September 14, 2016 at 7:20 am

      Lana, Just so that you know that you are not alone, except that you probably forgot to add that she is always right, and as long as she is your mother, you cannot be more knowledgeable than her( even though she knows absolutely nothing about google…LOL) so it is difficult to even sit down and point some of these issues out. Over the years, I have allowed the scriptures to be my standard ……Romans 12:18 says “As much as it is possible, and it depends on you, live in peace with everyone.”

      My little tips
      1. Her mental state is perfect, some of these things are just personality flaws that can be dealt with if she’ll allow the Holy Spirit help her
      2. Understand that the greatest test of love is Loving the Unlovely
      3. There are some people you’ll need to forgive in advance
      4. It is Okay to truly love her from afar

      You ll be fine!
      Hugs

    • SHALOM.

      September 14, 2016 at 7:54 am

      @Lana, please completely disregard, as in immediately dismiss and do not waste one nanosecond of your very precious life and beautiful self on people like @TEE who clearly suffer from the same issues as your mom does.

      Just imagine! “”Dear Lana ,I could not finish your epistle but had to comment .”” Whaaat? And, he/she had the monumental ego to accuse you of “”disdain””?!!! Quite honestly, @Lana, from reading that first line alone which is a clear signal of the rest of the rubbish and “”hate”” to come, you should just return the (dis)courtesy and “”disdain”” and stop reading right there.

      God’s Word commands that we “”honour thy father and thy mother that thy days might be long.””, i.e. that we may have long life. God’s Word also commands “”Fathers (read parents) do not provoke/exasperate/embitter, make resentful/aggravate your children lest they lose heart and become discouraged.”” Colossians 3:21

      I believe you. You mentioned you are not in the same country as your siblings and you mentioned mentioned train rides when you took a trip to see your mom, so, it seems you are either in Nigeria and they’re abroad, or, you’re abroad and they are also but in different countries e.g. USA and UK? If you’re abroad e.g. in the UK, it’s easy to get referred to a psychologist/mental health specialist by your GP on the NHS. Your GP can refer you and have some sessions scheduled for you. Apart from your mom, you, first of all, need some therapy, a safe, controlled and private/confidential environment where you can unburden yourself freely to a qualified and experienced professional who will not unfairly and ignorantly pass judgment on you and will be able to identify and diagnose issues as you speak, counsel and help you yourself, and then also inform you on the right way and right things to go about/do concerning your mom herself. Your siblings can also go for individual as well as family counselling without her. If you’re in Nigeria, I don’t know how that works except maybe walk into the private hospital you use, or go to LUTH and ask the doctor(s) to refer you.

      Living with such a person, or, having such a person in one’s life, and in a role and position where one has to just bear it, out of respect and doing the right thing, can take a very heavy toll on a person. That’s why I say, please, do get some help for yourself also. You know, when you travel by air, and as the flight takes off, and the cabin crew begin to go through those safety procedures in case of an emergency, when they talk about the oxygen masks dropping from overhead, they always tell you that if you are travelling with an infant, small children or someone who is somehow not fully capable/responsible for themselves, that you MUST put on your own oxygen mask FIRST before attending to the infant, etc. Meditate on this very well. It is a principle which has universal application, not only on the airplane.

      She is your mother so ensure you cover her and do not speak about her just to any random people or even all your friends. Your best friend, your siblings and a qualified professional. If you can, try not to tell her siblings every single bad thing she does. Some things may be too big and/or for some reason or the other you just have to involve/tell them but hard as it may be, she IS their sister and you are her daughter, and she is a human being (yes, even if she herself doesn’t seem to grant others that same recognition, respect or courtesy and compassion, just do it as unto the Lord), try to cut down on reporting her to them. Find a qualified outlet. You need it.

      “”Honour your mother”” as best you can. Make sure you send her money every month. Call her and send her a gift on her birthday, mother’s day. Call her once or twice a month at least. And send her text messages in-between. As much as you can, however, find ways to protect yourself, cut down on contact that allows her the access and opportunity to spew poison into your system and destabilise/depress/aggravate/stress you. If she asks why you have cut down on physical contact/visits, etc, please, explain to her exactly why. Make sure you fulfill your responsibilities as a daughter every other way and keep the records e.g. receipts. Continue to work together with your siblings to care for her and celebrate her when due but just begin to find ways to protect yourself and minimise opportunities for her to hurt you.

      Most of all, keep praying, for yourself first e.g. that God should give you the strength, wisdom, grace and love, and help you to truly forgive, and help you not to become bitter and that He should shield you, and, that He should deliver you. Then, keep praying for your mom, for your family.

      I wish you, your mom, and your siblings all the very best.

    • Gorgeous

      September 14, 2016 at 6:49 pm

      Tell her she needs help! seriously, tell her that she needs help. Tell her all the things she does and how they are not normal at all. Tell her it is affecting everyone around her and she either needs to stop, or accept the fact that she needs some help! These kinds of people you have to call them out! Some may continue because you let them get away with it. Tell her you do not live your life suspiciously. And that if she is a christian, she will not count favors. She is no angel or messanger from God. Those are clearly delusions.

    • Lol

      September 14, 2016 at 8:13 am

      People like your mom never change, I have an aunt exactly like your mom even worst she tells you to take her as she is.It only gets worst, u just described my aunt who is like a sister to me & she is barely in her 40’s & I think it’s plain evil ..I suggest u find your happiness & happy place.It’s ok to love some people afar. Goodluck

    • Gazelle

      September 14, 2016 at 8:23 am

      Do we have the same mother? You have described my mother exactly. Except she also condoned some abuse as well. Sad thing is you cannot force someone to help themselves. There are psychiatrists and psychologists in Nigeria that can see her. But most importantly, you need to take care of yourself. The damage an emotionally abusive mother can do is extensive. I’ve spent years repairing my self worth and self respect. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

    • Maguim

      September 14, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      I like what you said…she really need to take care of herself first…. And seek God… It might soubd redondant, but it works….. I believe seeing a specialist and seeking God are the first steps in taking care of herself….. Also she should stop waiting for her mother to change, and just accept that thats the way she is…..and she cannot change her….nobody can except the Holy Spirit working through the mother herself…..
      May the Lord heal her trhough the Precious and Powerful Blood of Jesus…..
      And Tees’ comment in my opinion really reflect the way we african tend to adress this kind of situation ” ah, this is not areal problem, check yourself”…this is so no right, because by talking like that yiu dismiss the person and his/her feelings…..
      Maywe africans, be more sensitive to people psychological wellbeing

    • Lucinda

      September 14, 2016 at 11:55 am

      Bellanaija, please make this a dear aunty bella in a new post. Thank you.

    • wendy

      September 14, 2016 at 1:26 pm

      I am sooo sorry to hear of your pain. Just take care of yourself and your sibling. Just do what is best for you…

      people don’t understand how hurtful and disappointing it can be to have a mother like that… .It is very depressing.

      my mother recently showed me pepper for the past two years. All because I got married. She could not believe that I am married. Someone is take away her rights and attention. I was depressed until I recently just told myself that I am going to be happy and ignore her. it hurts but I am trying to ignore her.

      when u complain to people, all they will say is na your mama…blah…blah… I just tell them that it is easy to say when u are not in that shoe.

    • Sky Blue

      September 14, 2016 at 6:15 pm

      I’m not an expert, so I can’t shed any light, but girlllll… You’re def not alone. I reached my breaking point 3 weeks ago and haven’t spoken to her since. I’ve been the “good” daughter accepting abuse for a long time, but I finally had it. I think about her all the time and I’m very much concerned about her well-being, but there’s only so much one can take.

    • Tosin

      September 14, 2016 at 11:50 pm

      Pele.
      On the positive side, you’ve gained amazing preparation for life.
      Also on the positive side, you know what to do: take care of yourself first and take care of yourself abundantly before trying to help/save anybody. You can not come and go and die, like they say.
      Pele. It will be better.

  4. saratu

    September 13, 2016 at 11:28 pm

    Thank you for such an informed perspective.

  5. Loki

    September 13, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    I’ve been saying forever that all these selfie queens are cray cray. It’s not a good sign when you’re basically turning social media into some sort of public access documentary on your personal life… but does anyone ever listen to me? Nooooooo. Now, the TrashHeap has spoken
    Yeah….

    • Leah

      September 14, 2016 at 12:06 am

      Yes! And it’s amazing how social media has replaced reality for some. Let me eat enough food for 10 people and sit my a$$ on the couch, after all I can filter and photoshop half of myself out. Meanwhile hypertension and diabetes are a reality. Let me put on war makeup enough to fight boko haram, then I can photo shop to look “flawless”. Meanwhile you are showing up at an event looking like a clown. Even though I am broke, haven’t paid all my bill, and can use the extra change, let me fly first so I can show on IG that I am rich. It is a week day, and haven’t gotten much sleep and the bags under my eyes are popping, but heaven forbid I miss out on snap chat on a Wednesday night. All to impress absolute strangers. Five years from now when there is a new trend and new blood, you look back and you have nothing to show for it. I’ll stick with education, health insurance, job security, pension plan, social security, home equity etc and did I mention health insurance? The struggle to wannabe Kim Kadarshian come at a price some of us cannot afford

    • Dee

      September 14, 2016 at 10:00 am

      As the doctor said, not all of them have mental health issues. Some are just vain….

  6. Nene

    September 13, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    God Bless the DR, l know a family due to complexity issues changed their total lifestyle within a yr after the wife featured herself with inaccurate info and Pple called her out. From them they moved homes to prove they are rich, feature on local to stations doing what? Was thinking they can feature their stuff on Bn for Pple to give them their true facts travelled to out of the continent to prove King dubai America and that drink we day drink here. Sorry very low self esteem very sad. All to keep up with the Joneses that need to validate them online. Father deliver our people.

  7. Marlvina

    September 14, 2016 at 1:18 am

    Laura Ikeji….

    • Lulu

      September 14, 2016 at 7:59 am

      Like! The babe is on some social media steroids lol ?

    • Naijatalk

      September 14, 2016 at 9:03 pm

      Her livelihood depends on her keeping up an active social media life much like Toke Makinwa do leave her alone.

  8. Mimi

    September 14, 2016 at 1:24 am

    . I knew Maky’s name will come up here.

    • Maguim

      September 15, 2016 at 11:52 am

      And i am yet to understand why… I follow her and i dont think she “overshares” on her instagram…. So i dont understand why people always have to mention her in this type of post… Am i missing smth??

  9. Chigomdluv

    September 14, 2016 at 1:24 am

    Hmm, sensitive but important topic – mental illness, and I agree, excessive posting could be a red herring for mental illness, hopefully this encourages self reflection.
    Dr Chigozie Maidoh

  10. Fabulicious

    September 14, 2016 at 3:52 am

    Thank you for this doctor..I know this will not get many coments because the narcissistic ones will still be in denial…24hr Selfie kings/queens,IG princes/princesses and the “waterleaf” filter users on snapchat continue ooooo.Hope you get treated someday.

    • Dee

      September 14, 2016 at 9:49 am

      Well, the comments are coming in but you’re absolutely right about denial… even the comments are reflecting a lot of it. Narcissists are usually blind to their issues.

  11. Compassion is needed

    September 14, 2016 at 5:19 am

    I think we need to cut the social media exhibitionists some slack. It’s just a coping mechanism for many of them. Dig deep and you’ll find some form of deficiency that is causing them deep unhappiness. I used to get irritated with one I knew personally until I heard her back story, how her husband is a hermit who pays her little attention, never notices all her efforts to look hot. So now when I see her pictures racking up comments on FB, I indulge her with a like or compliment.

    Another one I know is estranged from her family, and you can tell from her many Facebook posts and legions of followers that she lives off the attention.

    It’s sad many people are seeking validation from the wrong places. Getting help is important but sometimes that’s not really an option.

  12. Netizen

    September 14, 2016 at 7:40 am

    Wow, na wa for bellanigerians o. I thought you guys always took mental health seriously. Even after the doc said narcissism disorder is a poor mental health situation, instead of proposing solutions y’all are finding ways to insult them. Wow. Hypocrites much?

  13. Anonymous

    September 14, 2016 at 7:45 am

    How convenient that none of the comments here are from the narcissists themselves? Some of you are just using this to insult people. Hypocrites.

  14. that uptown girl

    September 14, 2016 at 7:52 am

    There is this one where people post pictures of themselves with a little phrase thanking God or something. I just wonder, can’t they thank God without posting pictures or post pictures without referencing God. I always knew and said it that people who incessantly post pictures on social media are seeking some type of validation and are suffering from more than they are willing to admit. How many ‘likes’ can permanently fix a person’s self esteem or make that person truly happy . It’s a vicious circle, I tell ya.

  15. Baby gurl

    September 14, 2016 at 7:57 am

    It’s not that deep. Some people just like to be seen and heard. Calm down people, calm down writer.

    • Adult.

      September 14, 2016 at 8:01 am

      It IS that deep.

    • MurderSheWrote

      September 14, 2016 at 9:36 am

      You are either jealous or living a very boring life. Be joyful for the Lord is your strength.

  16. Chinwe

    September 14, 2016 at 8:02 am

    How about the people that watch these people? Is that a disorder too? Awon bobriskyy and Toke snapchat watchers like myself…lol! Do we need our heads examined? This is a sincere question…

    • Voyeur

      September 14, 2016 at 9:40 am

      Voyeurism is also a bad thing.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 14, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      Biko don’t come and speak nonsense English here. How is viewing pictures that are there for public consumption Voyeurism bikonu? Abi you dont know the meaning of the word. Hian!

  17. Spunky

    September 14, 2016 at 9:04 am

    If anyone wants to post as much pix as possible with the fake condiments, on SM, let them. You can either like, admire, envy or move on. Jeez!!

    • Baby gurl

      September 14, 2016 at 9:34 am

      For real I don’t understand people’s annoyances move on life is too short to bother about someone’s social media use. It all boils down to jealousy. Live your life. They are living theirs and want you to see it too! And this is coming from someone with no social media presence whatsoever.

  18. me

    September 14, 2016 at 11:42 am

    Some people are best loved from a distance far off. As for Lana, since you are now an adult, you didn’t state your age. Work on yourself thoroughly, no one can be you for you. Your mother has not got the love you want or need, thus she spreads her negativity.. She can’t give you love from an empty void! Have you asked your aunts or family members what her upbringing was like? There might lie a cue in her behaviour.

    Dealing with family dilemmas sometimes tends to be difficult, I bet if this was a friend, you would have let go long time., some people will never never change, even in the face of death! I have met people like this, plenty. I choose happiness and accept them for who they are, whilst I focused on working on myself, cos I knew I owned it to myself to be happy – Difficult at first, but it got better with time.

    Your happiness is your responsibility. Wishing you all the best in life.

  19. Ty

    September 14, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    until we appreciate the word “measured”, a few of us would consider your write up a personal attack- I hear you and your perspective is loud and clear. Some of us really need to do our homework and understand what mental disorder is. I hope this write up would serve as eye opener and start a honest conversation about measured disposition in all we do.

  20. Frenchie

    September 14, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    As a physician myself, I would like Dr. Alabi to back up this write-up with scientific evidence. Are there actually credible studies that prove that seeking validation in social media is associated with poor mental health. I agree that it seems that way based on common sense and social norms but before we make such sweeping statements that may be motivated day our personal views and preferences, we need to realize that medicine has moved beyond ” what I think”. Another person might argue that not having a social media presence means you are creepy, have something to hide or have no successes to celebrate. But again, those are opinions .

    • Frenchie

      September 14, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      Sorry for the typo “motivated by”

    • MurderSheWrote

      September 14, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      Thank you. Some people be using their position for rubbish. Just because there’s Dr in front of your name does not give you the right to do rubbish and nonsense. Show us the facts. Where’s the research to back it up. Empirical evidence? Anything. Dr my bumbum.

  21. coco

    September 14, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    People who are intelligent, and deep will see truth in this DR’s post. Truly, lots of people who are hyper-active on social media do a lot of showing off, it is simply a way of patching up the spots in their lives that are painfully empty, it might be due to not getting enough attention from the right people while growing up, or simply because they are vain. There are all sorts in the world. A lot of people will post insults to the writer because unfortunately for her, a lot of humans can’t try hard to see things from all angles before talking. Showing off is a serious turn off for me tho. Especially in guys; my opposite sex.

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