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Nkem Ndem: Nigerian Men, Their Wives & the Supposed Snare of the Housemaid

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Nkem NdemLast night, in a bid to distract myself from the desperate croaks of horny frogs lounging in a swampy plot next block, I stumbled upon an online story about Nigerian nannies. The story gave details on how these nannies sleep with the husbands of their employers and wreck the homes of the people who gave them jobs and saved them from eternal poverty. Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I got so pissed by an opinion piece. In the writer’s opinion, the husbands who “are lured” by these maids were, more or less, saints who found themselves cornered and forced to put their “uhlalas” into their nanny’s Vjay jay; the wives, on the other hand, who were expected to accept their fate, were blamed for sharing/delegating their God-given “helper” role with a stranger, thereby setting their husbands up for temptation and eventually, failure. Even worse, the nannies were portrayed as opportunistic “razzites” looking for opportunities to upgrade themselves.

No doubt, people are entitled to their opinion or point of view, but I really do not understand why the men were completely exonerated. I even went further to search for similar articles and it was the same. In fact, some articles even referred to the men as victims. Of course, there are situations where the wife neglects her duties and the man is lured by the help, and some cases where the maid turns out to be an opportunist looking to take over the man and kick her “madam” out. But…what of cases where the men consciously set out to take advantage of the maid? Are these men victims too?

The last time I visited a family friend I’ll refer to as Ezinne, I noticed she had a new girl in her house who had just come from Benue state to serve as a nanny. When I asked what happened to the old nanny, she informed me that the old nanny had run away after claiming that she was tired of Ezinne’s husband forcing himself on her every chance he got. From the way Ezinne gave me the gist, it was obvious she did not believe the nanny’s testimony, and she strongly believed her husband was beneath doing such a thing.

As we sat chatting, however, her husband walked in with a bag of cosmetics and went straight to the maid. He handed the bag to the maid, telling her “How you dey? …make you dey use these things take care of yourself, u hear?”

IT. WAS. ABSURD.

Why would the man deliberately buy cosmetics for the maid? Why hand it over to the girl himself rather than give it his wife to give her? Even more, why was he asking her how she felt and even smiling at her? I believe there are certain boundaries that must be set in the home. A nanny or any extra member of the household should not have access to the man, except through the wife. In a case where the man goes out of his way to relate to her, then the man is a culprit or one in the making. Ezinne’s husband was the one who speedily employed the new help -a mature 14-year-old with a heavy bosom and broad hips, despite protests from his wife that they did not need a new nanny since they had the man’s younger sister and her own brother living with them. Again, although just married to Ezinne for a little over three years, he had already quit providing food and the daily needs of their child with claims that his clients were all still owing him and he was broke; yet, he somehow found N45,000 to quickly pay an agent to recruit a N25,000-per-month nanny immediately after the old one ran away…and even found extra cash to provide the maid with toiletries.

Maybe I am being paranoid, but it seems to me that the old nanny’s tales may have been true after all and the man also has ulterior motive towards the new nanny. The most disheartening part is that Ezinne, who caters for her family and is extremely submissive to her husband, is certainly oblivious to what may be going on right in front of her. Now, should the nanny get pregnant in future, who exactly would be to blame? Would the husband still be the victim? Really?

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

77 Comments

  1. Shior

    September 12, 2016 at 11:31 pm

    Regardless of how conji’d you are. Not the MAID! that’s just borderline disrespectful both to your wife and your home. Some men are filthy even after youve done the “dirt” you will expect the woman to forgive you and even go ahead and blame her meanwhile if she slept with the gateman she will be out of the door. Men please stop sleeping with your domestic help.

    • Ada Nnewi

      September 13, 2016 at 3:39 am

      Bottom line is a whole lot of women are married to dogs… they know this but it’s just easier for them to blame the house help than to accept the responsibility of their error in judgement when picking a life partner… even if the maid is making advances, a good man will send her packingo if she tries any nonsense.. on the other hand, Nigerian women be very careful with the way you treat your maids, do not be mistreating other people’s children… karma has a way of coming back full circle… some people end up maids because of unforseen circumstances.. Maids are human beings as well..

    • Tina

      September 13, 2016 at 5:22 am

      This might be off topic but how did this blog degenerate to a male bashing forum? As a female, I was drawn here by the beautiful stories and pictures from the wedding and aso ebi sections ( even used some designs for my wedding), the wonderful tips for everyday living, even the celebrity gossips. It seems that of late every 3 out of 4 stories are about male bashing. If this is about promoting feminism, I don’t think it’s the way to go nor is it appropriate. Imagine if there were male blogs like this that bash women all day, women will be out on the streets(bare breasts) protesting. I know there are bad men just as there are bad women. There are also good men( my father, brothers, husband, sons) as there are good women. Infact I have encountered more wicked women than men in this life. Your stories these are so biased that even when you are supposed to be neutral, you always favor the women. When a man does something bad, he is labeled as the devil himself but when a woman does thesame or even worse, she’s a victim of circumstances, somehow a man pushed her to it.
      I wish BN willgo back to its old ways where EVERYBODY benefited/contributed instead of turning this blog to an EXTREME feminist forum( there are blogs designed for that).Extreme because true feminism is not about male bashing but empowering women. You don’t become great by bringing other people down, only people with inferiority complex result to that.

    • Valkyr

      September 13, 2016 at 6:47 am

      Tina, your thoughts and parts of my thoughts align. I was “lured” here thinking that it’s more gender neutral than LIB. but it’s mostly one-sided. Bella is a woman aftarol. Maybe only a robot or God can do gender neut

    • John

      September 13, 2016 at 8:17 am

      Loved your comment and also saving it but honestly , even though I blame the author whose evry articles she writes is always about men men men, so called poor women and the men villains,.I also blame the female BN audience , it also what they crave for (irony for people who claim they do not need a man, they are single , happy and independent, girl power bla bla ).first, check whenever a real article that will help a woman like how to recover from cancer (or any form of women related disease )women entrepreneurs and their real acheivements ( I mean real honest achievemnts) in thier career. You see 0 comment or 1 or 2 comment but let it be about anything man related , marriage , divorce ,ridiculous weaves or wigs, a pastor say this or that about marriage or men are this and that. Watch out for 100+ comment ..useless stuffs..so in a way, it is what that now drive the traffic here in this blog. I too miss the old BN but unfortunately it has been hijacked by mostly single frustrated, bitter women always ready to insult, curse ,shriek, manipulate even other women to be misery like them or women who do not agree with thier views or thoughts , in name of female empowerment . You will understand why most men dont like reasoning or talking with women or take them seriously when most are a walking contradictions but I have to say , I have also seen a lot of intelligent or brilliant women that I have learnt some thing from in this very blog but they in the minority

    • artklub

      September 13, 2016 at 8:30 am

      you are not the editor of this blog. its a mix, thats what makes bella naija – well bella naija. accept it or move to a weddings only blog. and its not a man bashing blog. we will not stay complicit in the degradation of women.

    • BlueEyed

      September 13, 2016 at 8:41 am

      Thank you @Tina, seemingly more and more male bashing articles every day, and no I am not a chauvinist but I believe Bella naija should create an atmosphere that everybody can benefit from without feeling any scorn, I understand that there is a huge female following on this blog, but enough of this male bashing, it is stale, even international feminist blogs have killed that concept a long time ago, Nigerian women the world over and even feminists alike need more content than “men this” “men that”, the world is shifting and women cannot take over if they remain on this level mindset.

    • Beth

      September 13, 2016 at 9:01 am

      @Tina if you look at in detail, I don’t think the content is really the problem, I think BN just needs to work with professional editors to ensure the headlines are structured better. A lot of their headlines are highly misleading. This one sounds like one I would see on the daily mail.xx

    • Amaa

      September 13, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      I can see why you are feeling this way. I totally understand but look back at history and the narrative on main stream media there was a pattern . A patriarchal society is what we have in Nigeria and most of Africa ,it has been like that for so long that it gave rise to the social vices we see today.
      In other to change that narrative the social media has to balance it out and besides you have to understand that this is a business and has to appeal to people to keep them coming back .
      The man issues are real trust me this is the tip of the iceberg nollywood has nothing on the stories you hear sometimes until we begin to talk about and find solutions to our heavily patriarch unequal society everyone will think it’s ok and sweep it under the carpet like our fore fathers did.
      Being a man this may irritate you until you have a daughter in that situation

    • tunmi

      September 13, 2016 at 3:41 pm

      The women replying are married and apparently this is a big problem. BN caters to married folks, it’s main theme has always been heterosexual marriage. So issue spertaining to that will come up. Nothing in here is about extreme feminism. Look through the comments and you’ll see. Many Nigerian married women are suffering in their marriages and they think it is a way of life. Let’s not try to quiet them in the name of “where are the good men?”

    • slice

      September 13, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      The non marriage or non men related articles in bn are generally not that interesting. There are exceptions like atokes and thd other model chick but many of the othrrs simply fall short. for different flavor, I read difft blogs and news sites

  2. deb

    September 12, 2016 at 11:36 pm

    Nannies Nannies. I have taken 7 house girls this year and I tell you I will never recruit a benue girl. No 1 rule is that my husband doesn’t talk to them, they don’t enter my room, they must follow me to church&they must not cook.
    When the girls come you see the pattern they behave and you know if you can retain them or not. The last girl I got I showed her peppered gizzard. I don’t believe in humane treatment but some domestic staffs deserves it.

    • Bola

      September 13, 2016 at 1:24 am

      @ Deb, listen to yourself . You don’t believe in inhumane treatment but domestic staffs deserve it! Why ? Because you think you own them and consider them less than human! You are even boasting that you showing your last maid “pepped gizzard” whatever that is! Why didn’t you just let her go instead of that ? If a maid’s attitude or skill level is not what you want they simply fire the person rather than making silly excuses for your wickedness .

    • Meah

      September 13, 2016 at 1:44 am

      Just 7
      Make it 100 nah
      See human being
      MUMU

    • Pamela

      September 13, 2016 at 8:58 am

      U sound like a typical wicked madam. No domestic staff deserves any inhumane treatment. Just because they work for u doesn’t mean they are any lesser humanbeings. Treat ur maid as ur own sister and see how it turns out. That’s how you’ll maltreat somebody’s daughter and when ur not at home she lashes out on ur child since she can’t deal with u directly. Make una dey fear God abeg

    • XYZ

      September 13, 2016 at 9:31 am

      When you have a high turnover of domestic staff like this ie 7 house helps in 9 months, you madam should stop and change your strategy, self examine yourself and re – examine if you really need a domestic staff. Don’t go about showing “peppered gizzard”. No be only you sabi show show pepper oh. In Benin city we say; “first to do no dey pain. Na where your own finish, Na dere I go start my own”. Don’t think you have the monopoly of “peppered gizzard” business.

  3. Pretty girl

    September 12, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    Choi anuty Eziene ur husband will soon give that girl bele soon. But na wa oh why will a man go as low as sleeping with his maid u don’t even knw wether the girl washes that place when if u want to cheat u cheat with someone that’s in the same class with u

    • John

      September 13, 2016 at 3:15 am

      Is the maid not a fellow woman like you, so why should a maid be beneath your class..who are you?..if a white woman said the same about u, u will shout racism and discrimination. .the way some women reason self.

    • Ni

      September 13, 2016 at 7:52 am

      Sorry Sir, are you on the same level with a gateman? The way some men reason sef.

    • artklub

      September 13, 2016 at 8:47 am

      please leave!

    • john

      September 14, 2016 at 1:03 pm

      ha.nigerians and thr condescending wickedness and discrimination..whether gateman or maid or the disabled even animals.we should look down on them..that is why I am not angry when other races insults,discriminates and call you monkeys or shoot a black person..bcos we do worse to each other..black people are the most stupid,naturally wicked, cowardly race on planet earth but funny enough they only do it to each other not to other race whom they worship

  4. Oyinda

    September 12, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    So,
    Apparently a theory I heard is that for many young men growing up, the maid/nanny/househelp was their first sexual experience as teenagers. They then develop a fetish for the maid .
    Also, there is the perceived power imbalance from the maid. She is an employee and is therefore submissive to the man of the house.. There is no romantic expectation and the sex is not conditional on him fulfilling his husbandly roles. The 100% availability of the house help and the low likelihood of her having any recourse makes domestic help liaisons possible.

    That being said….MEN, do you have any sense? If it is not ok for your wife to be humping the driver, mai guard, washerman or houseboy, it is definitely not ok for you to be having sex with the help. It is a form of rape and sexual harassment because her consent is not typically freely given. It is almost a condition of her to work, eat, earn a living. It puts her in direct competition with the wife. Do you know if she has any STI’s?? She doesn’t know if you have any STI’s either. Even if your wife isn’t putting out on the regular, it doesn’t give you any permission to fornicate with the help (borrowing Seal’s lingo).
    We have a long way to go with the Sexual politics in the Nigerian/African environment but our Men need to be accountable for their actions. Women endure the humiliation of sharing a penis with their maid and being told to stay married so that the maid doesn’t reap the fruits of madam’s hard earned labor. WTF… Una try o! It occurs here in the US. look at Arnold, Robin Williams, Gavin Rossdale, Jude Law and possibly Ben Affleck (rumored). They all had dalliances with the nanny. The wives ended the relationship and were not made to feel less than.
    We need to educate our Men about boundaries and consent. I could write a book on this issue and I have neither a husband or a maid ;-P

    • EE

      September 13, 2016 at 3:39 am

      The theory I heard was that aunties and cousins are usually the first sexual experience. Wonder if we’re hiding an inter-aunty sexual epidemic??

    • Corolla

      September 13, 2016 at 3:49 am

      Yes, that theory is somewhat correct, as I know many young males whom the house girls coerced into sex. It was almost standard growing up, that the first sexuak experience was with the maid. I am also sure that there are countless maids who were also raped by these young boys.

    • Corolla

      September 13, 2016 at 3:50 am

      @Oyinda

    • Nkem Ndem

      September 13, 2016 at 8:39 am

      THANK YOU for this comment @Oyinda.

    • Ranyinudo

      September 13, 2016 at 9:33 pm

      Nkem! I’m mostly concerned about your type of friend. Almost always….all the gists u bring on here is about a friend or something like that. Ur tatafo is on another level o.
      Hope u showed ‘Ezinne’ this article….or at least told her about ur observations.
      Ezinne though! Telling u all about her home which in turn u bring on here to spill for all man.
      When the hubby was catering for the family I’m sure no article was written to praise him.

      And as for Madam Ezinne and hubby…I can’t even begin to narrate all that is wrong with ur home from what Nkem spilled o.
      Surely Things are falling apart!

  5. mrs chidukane

    September 12, 2016 at 11:59 pm

    So many stories of helps and wives junior friends who have taken over. Im looking for a nanny sha. Someone that leaves when i get back from work but the stories are so scary.

    • Hmmmmm

      September 13, 2016 at 6:13 am

      But it typically happens when the parents are out of the house e.g work so having the help leave when you get home doesn’t solve anything.

      I have little children to and this weighs heavily on my mind

  6. The real D

    September 13, 2016 at 12:03 am

    I think both the author and the example the author used are extremes. I mean two polar perspectives and I don’t agree with either conclusions. That a man should not relate in anyway shape or form not to even ask after the nanny’s well being or smile at her is way too extreme,

    Many may not agree with me but I think proponents of both perspective are guilty of the same offence, that is, acting like these men are kids, i.e not mature and as such not to be seen and treated as adults. You know there is something called “the rule of expectation” some call it the placebo effect, when people start acting the way they are expected to, i.e someone starts feeling well because they have been made to expect to feel that way. It goes for many other aspects of life including this.

    These men are adults and should be treated and held accountable as such, otherwise, why bother marry him??? That we insist that these men be made victims is not holding them accountable but telling him not to associate with the help i.e be cold to the help, not smile, or ask after her well being is not treating him as an adult, who is mature enough to make the right decision as an adult human being does not make things better either. It also shows a lack of trust on the part of the wife. There are temptations already us everyday, somehow our men are able to control themselves are not give in to killing, stealing or whatever, so why shouldn’t he be expected to live above the temptation of a nanny. if he gives you any reason to no longer trust him, that is on him not you, the maid or anyone else. I have a very high expectation of my partner and I always have and always will, he does his best to meet and exceed my expectation and he also has an expectation of me, that is, to trust him and to treat him as an adult. I also do my best to meet his expectation of me, now that does not mean I have not cautioned him, the times I have seen him put himself in a position that maybe easily misinterpreted and he has always listened and taking steps to correct the situation. But to tell him not to interact with the nanny (we don’t have a nanny) is just beyond my comprehension, what about his female sub-ordinates at work ? if a man has no qualms going after the help, trust me he has no problem going after any other woman, would we now completely caught him off from interacting with everyone with female parts just in a bid to get “rid of temptation”?

    I know many men with live-in nannies, yet not one has ever been accused of messing with the nanny, We need to treat our men better or should I say have better expectations of them, maybe just maybe they will start living up to our expectations.

    • Bola

      September 13, 2016 at 1:37 am

      Thank you, Nigerian women are part of the problem . Many of you are enablers! You’ll See them acting like men are kids that need to be protected from the maids whereas half of the time it’s the other way round. Not only is it adultely , sleeping with your maid is taking advantage of your position ( like a lecturer or teacher sleeping with his student) and shows a man without any principles. Many of them simply agree for fear of losing their jobs while many are raped by the husbands and teenage boys in the home . The worst part is when the wife discovers it’s the maid she will label a witch while she will make excuses for her husband. And if she reports to you that your husband is propositioning her she’ll still be called a prositute that wants your husband and will be the one out of a job while the man will get extra cooking and attention from his wife Sef thinking that will stop his wandering eyes (basically a reward) . Until we Nigerian woman start holding these men to a higher standard before we see any difference. After you “protect” him from the maid, all the other women in the office nko? The world? They sleep with maids and other women because they can get away with it . If I can’t trust my husband with the maid then it’s time for me to leave that marriage! If not one day it will be “protecting” such a man against his own daughter !

    • Lo

      September 13, 2016 at 2:03 am

      100% truth!

    • Sisi

      September 13, 2016 at 12:15 pm

      I really don’t see any man bashing here, the article is speaking to a certain type of man (husband) – one who has an innappropriate relationship/is sleeping with the househelp maid! The should be bashed in the same way a married woman should be if she was sleeping with a male househelp. It happens and it happens alot from what I have heard/read/watched. This article is a little disturbing for another reason – the real D, your comment sums it up. Why do we need to start treating grown adults like babies, why can’t men communicate with their female househelp? Why can’t they ask the person who most likely looks after their kids and home if they are ok? Surely the househelps wellbeing is in both husband and wife interest? ‘Even more, why was he asking her how she felt and even smiling at her? I believe there are certain boundaries that must be set in the home. A nanny or any extra member of the household should not have access to the man, except through the wife’ What does this even mean? Don’t be so silly and insecure – if you can’t trust your man with the househelp right under your roof you have bigger fish to fry my dear. Stop pandering around and enabling inappropriate and disrespectful behaviour, treat your househelp like a human being and if you have to have 5/6/7 househelp because they all manage to be sleeping with your husband perhaps it’s your husband that needs to go – go and speak to a therapist and get a grip, whether his first sexual experience was with his househelp or not. Iranu! Now don’t get me wrong problems with househelp come in a number of varieties from low quality help to petty theft but this should not be one of them. If you have a wayward/unhelpful/lying househelp – whether noticed by yourself or your husband they need to go.

  7. Marlvina

    September 13, 2016 at 12:13 am

    Hmm! Very subjective topic. However, as I read through the write-up, I had a flashback to last year August, when I visited my friend who just had her second baby. I got into her kitchen to get a glass for my packet juice and to my amazement I met a male figure, doing the dishes.
    Of course I knew her husband, and damn it, that wasn’t her husband. I ran back to my friend who was seated in the living room; “Whose that guy in the kitchen”? I asked. “Oh, he’s Ugonna’s replacement”. Apparently, she had sent away her previous maid Ugonna and replaced her with a male helper whom she felt more comfortable having around the house.
    Me still in shock, “I hope you realize you have a 5year old daughter and I wont advice you leave her alone in this house with that guy”. She looked at me with eyes wide opened “Ohh that’s true o, OMG!!” she exclaimed. . .Hmmm I was surprised she never took that into consideration.

    Personally, I prefer running my home without any of these house maids. Whether adult male, female or any teenager. I can’t stand any drama pls. The atrocities they cause in homes is way too much to handle.

    • EE

      September 13, 2016 at 3:41 am

      Why would male figure want a 5 year old when madam dey??

    • Corolla

      September 13, 2016 at 3:54 am

      The same reason all the child rapists that Bella Naija reports to us sleep with children.

    • Faevur

      September 13, 2016 at 9:40 am

      That’s what I would have thought a few years ago but with the ‘creatively’ perverse ways the human mind has begun to function in recent times, I know better.
      Last year in my neighborhood, a man (late 20s) penetrated his own brother’s 1 month old baby and took off. I don’t know if she survived but last I heard was the abuse obviously shredded her vagina and scattered her internal organs.
      That’s just one case; a lot is going on and every child is at risk, no matter how young and it doesn’t matter the gender as well because with the rise/acceptance of homosexuality in the world, young boys are also at risk

  8. Nawah

    September 13, 2016 at 1:54 am

    This has men bashing written all over it and I don’t believe your story about Ezienne at all. I am out of here.

    • John

      September 13, 2016 at 3:11 am

      ExactlyI thought it was just me, only a stupid person with no brain will believe the story of ezinne, looks like something she just made up to write an article to bash the men again, she cant write anything without mentioning men men men,..all the time men obsession .. (after she will start claiming single and independent with no man wahala )wonder why this blog is stagnant while even newer blogs are doing so much better

    • The Bull

      September 13, 2016 at 10:50 am

      Mr John, basher of feminism!, this article dey pain you oh. you have written at least two essays here or did she strike a nerve?

    • Adaure

      September 13, 2016 at 3:27 pm

      I didn’t see anyone trying to shove the story down our throats on the issue on whether it’s real or fake. Only a stupid person with an oversized eggshell brain would try to make an issue out. Why insult other people because of your own assumptions to the story, oh “king solomon”. Mtchew. Painment is worrying you

    • slice

      September 13, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      Clueless much

  9. EE

    September 13, 2016 at 3:46 am

    I’ve always wondered how people can live with strangers in your home, why not have the help come every other day or put off moving into that 3 bedroom until you have children that can help with the chores.

    But the Ezinne story strikes me as a tad exaggerated, unless discretion is now gone with the wind.

    • Nkem Ndem

      September 13, 2016 at 8:32 am

      same suggestion i made! …and trust me, this story is not in the least bit exaggerated. I tell you,

    • XYZ

      September 13, 2016 at 9:24 am

      Good morning,
      This is not in anyway, exaggerated. I have even seen first hand, even worse and painful cases. The point is, let us all be better humans – be you man or woman. Women face temptations. Men face temptations. Whatever we do, we are responsible for our actions and as such we will be held responsible. If a man cheats on his wife with anyone be it the domestic help or his boss, HE IS RESPONSIBLE for his actions. Ditto the woman. And please women, if you don’t like the domestic help you got, send her back. Don’t start showing her “peppered gizzard”. If she decides to retaliate, Na your home go suffer pass. Parents bring up your boys well. Talk to your brothers. It’s not okay to sleep with every Tina, Diana and Harriet just because you can. Same for mothers. Same for females. If YOU do wrong, it is YOUR fault. Not the devil. Not the help. Not the driver. Remember, self control, bridle your emotions and respect your spouse.

  10. AceOfSpades

    September 13, 2016 at 6:59 am

    Men cheat, women cheat!
    Men cheat with the house help and women cheat with their boss at work. The world is just going crazy, sex is no longer sacred.
    I don’t think this is a male bashing article in between but I know women will protest if an article is written about relationships between wife/male colleague at work.

  11. Bodunade

    September 13, 2016 at 7:56 am

    You don’t know that housemaids also abuse little girls?
    If you don’t bash men Nkem you won’t die. I’m sure your dildo is shaped like a penis.

    You remind me of a female friend always advising people to leave their relationships but has been resorting to desperate measures to get her cheating, abusive boyfriend to buy her a ring, even if it’s made from plastic.

    Dear brethren and sistren don’t let raise the Internet raise your kids. Not with people such as these that never have nothing positive to say.

    • Nkem Ndem

      September 13, 2016 at 8:37 am

      @Bodunade, this story is not intended to bash men. you only see that ‘cos that is what you want to see. And…Lol @dildo, I do not own one biko.

    • slice

      September 13, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      You’re rude sha.

  12. Petereth

    September 13, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Hi Bola, I understand @Deb though her tone was off. The last and only girl maid I have had for well over 3 yrs showed me pepper before she too ran out dropping a letter that said I was too good to a fault. If you treat them well, you are wrong likewise when you treat them bad. Some prefer that bad treatment to make them stay on track which was the case of my maid,she needed a harsh hand to stay on track, wonders will never end.

  13. artklub

    September 13, 2016 at 8:31 am

    dont get house help, problem solved!

    • artklub

      September 13, 2016 at 9:44 am

      Why are men always here on Bella Naija blog lamenting? These things happen everyday. Why is there no introspection on the side of men? Does it not concern you that your ilk has zero self-control and keep disrespecting their wives, thus threatening the emotional well-being of their spouse and indirectly their own children? Why does it not give you pause? To think, deliberate, do better or advise your bros? You keep wailing like helpless kids. And pointing fingers shouting feminist and man bashers? Well, if you disrespect your woman you are indirectly hurting yourself and your own family. And we are calling out the guilty! If that does not include you, kindly move aside. Or better yet, help out humanity by keeping up your good morals and spreading that information amongst your species. Do not come crying to women again or are we supposed to make you feel better? Ejoor!

    • Bodunade

      September 13, 2016 at 10:39 am

      ‘Wailing like a little bird ‘ had me in stitches.. LOOOL. I love you too. Omo olongebi

  14. Exasperated

    September 13, 2016 at 8:47 am

    My MIL brought a nanny for me last week because I had to start work soon… my mom took one look at her and said to me “Nne this girl isn’t staying long here ” I laughed it off until I came back one day and found out she used my perfum, then she asked me to pls subscribe the dstv bcos its boring for her to watch our local channel all the time, then she wore this really sexy dress&high wedge to church on Sunday…WTF… and then when she was watching telly the other day she commented to my MIL that the newscaster whose dress we had both just admired was an ugly woman… and then you need to see the way she sits on my chair, in a lying down position with her legs over the chair like the madam of the house
    I’m so confused, I was ready to take her in and make her the younger sibling I never had but I’m now wary of her
    I complained to my hubby(he’s not around) and he said if I’m worried then its serious and I was releived bcos I was starting to feel like I was judging her too harshly
    My MIL has a soft spot for the babe, I don’t even get it. I eat twice a day but she’s saying the girl MUST eat 3ce a day, and she’s being paid
    The girl acts docile around me but I just don’t trust her
    I dunno wat to do sef and I REALLY need help in the house

    • Faevur

      September 13, 2016 at 9:45 am

      I think you know the answer to your own question. Your happiness, peace of mind and sanctity of your home are more important than hurting anyone’s feelings.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      September 13, 2016 at 10:27 am

      You need peace of mind, much more than you need help. Always trust your instincts and if you’re not comfortable with the stranger you currently have living with you, then let her go.

      MIL’s feelings/sentiments are very secondary.

    • deb

      September 13, 2016 at 11:24 am

      Change her&pls don’t let your mother in law get you a maid again. The last girl I got was worse than that but I handled her. When I said some helps deserve the treatment they get,some people were against it. I stil repeat it, some helps deserve the treatment they get( I have never raised my hand against any help bfr, I even give them gifts worth thousands of naira) but these girls are MAD girls,more like the pick them up from the roads

  15. Beth

    September 13, 2016 at 9:04 am

    What I find intriguing is that some of you are willing to leave your precious children with someone that is worth N25 k a month. That in itself is alarming. #priorities

    • tunmi

      September 13, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      That is what gets me the most

  16. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    September 13, 2016 at 9:23 am

    It’s good to speak English.

    But Nigerian men sleep with their housemaids.

    Some; their mothers bring girls from the villages, give them to their sons to start off as their housemaids, then encourage their sons to get the housemaids pregnant and marry them.

    If you are getting married as a Nigerian woman, just have it at the back of your mind, that your Nigerian husband may sleep with your house girl…. housemaid one day.

    • XYZ

      September 13, 2016 at 9:37 am

      I don’t agree! Not all Nigerian men are irresponsible. For every irresponsible man pointed at, there are responsible men. Give the good men a break please. Nigerian men are not unbridled and rabid dogs please. I exception to this. Stop spreading untrue stereotypes. I am a proud Nigerian woman. Not all Nigerian men sleep with their domestic staff. General public please take note.

    • XYZ

      September 13, 2016 at 9:41 am

      * I take exception.

    • Bodunade

      September 13, 2016 at 9:39 am

      Most Nigerian women don’t sleep with their bosses, colleagues, exes, total strangers??

      Delusions.

    • artklub

      September 13, 2016 at 9:50 am

      go and write your story of the cheating woman Bodunade and stop wailing like a little bird. thank you!

  17. Mz Socially Awkward....

    September 13, 2016 at 10:42 am

    I can’t agree with most of your statements up there (too many generalisations). However, re the 3rd statement about how *some* Nigerian mothers do that deliberately, I’ve had the occasion of seeing what happens from that situation and in this particular instance, the entire family’s dirty laundry was being unfolded for all to see in court.

    The man in question married a foreign first wife during his sojourns abroad in the 60s, brought her back home and she only had 1 son… for whatever reason, she didn’t have any more children. Then (according to witness testimony), the man’s mother decided to bring in “help” from the village and that young woman entered the family home with ulterior motives which were fully encouraged by the man’s mother (who wanted more grandkids). She got pregnant, foreign wife found out and got mad and moved back to her foreign land of birth. The help ascended to the position of wife (married under custom) and went on to have 6 more kids. First wife died, then the man himself died and it came time to share his wealth (and there was quite a lot of it up for grabs).

    Na there yawa start. Who suppose inherit all the property and cash in the bank? Child of the first wife who allegedly quit her marriage and wasn’t married under native law or 2nd wife and her 7 children? It was messy as heck and don’t ask about the will – that situation was also rather messy.

    Some of the things you hear in court are more engaging than Nollywood scripts… but that was my first realization that myths such as a mother bringing a maid to supplant her son’s current wife, might actually be based on reality.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      September 13, 2016 at 10:43 am

      This reply was meant for @Ifeyinwa…

  18. Temi

    September 13, 2016 at 11:25 am

    MEN are our fathers, brothers and sons… they are always blamed… well WE still need them and spend our lives with them as they say”: No matter what some women say about men.. they are still our necessary pains…. we still need them even when they are portrayed as EVIL….

    • Thedopechick

      September 13, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      Err in relation to the discussion at hand,what role does this comment play again?

    • molarah

      September 13, 2016 at 9:30 pm

      Please can you guys stop with the blaming men comments….did you even read the main article? As someone has noted earlier, this article does not target all men but the low-life ones that have no discretion about whom they sleep with. If you like, clap “patewo” for the men around you when they act like dogs, but please don’t come around and be asking everyone else to do same.

  19. Sistaedavid

    September 13, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    Well done Nkem. Na to read, learn the lesson and never forget.

  20. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    September 14, 2016 at 10:13 am

    @artklub, thank you

  21. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    September 14, 2016 at 10:13 am

    @XYZ, what general public are you talking about?

  22. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    September 14, 2016 at 10:17 am

    @Mz Socially Awkward, I think you live in the western world. Nigerian men are Nigerian men. ‘Their issues…. plenty’. Errrmmmm but you do have a point for the foreign woman that was affected. Ifeyinwa is writing on real Nigerian men that live in Nigeria, regardless of their ages. As long as they are married.

  23. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    September 14, 2016 at 10:19 am

    @Bodunade, do you want me to exchange verbal abuses with you because of Nigerian men.

    I don’t think so. It is a waste of time. Because Nigerian men will not choose the both of us.

    They will choose the housemaids still.

    • i dont pity you

      September 14, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      You will just die on “Nigerian Men eish”

  24. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    September 15, 2016 at 9:23 am

    @i don’t pity you, i don’t like wishing people dead.

    but you will die first. Yesss.

  25. Emilogist

    September 17, 2016 at 9:10 am

    Noted

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