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Lota Ofodile: On Scale of 1 – Chimamanda Adichie’s Feminism, How Deep Can You Fall in Love with Men?

Lota

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dreamstime_m_2770311I personally don’t enjoy talking about this feminism topic, particularly with other females, because somehow, the conversation always ends up being unpleasant. Maybe it’s because I don’t fully understand the concept, or because my views aren’t exactly aligned with the “feminism” I see and hear about these days (I guess I’m still a bit traditional). Whenever I express how I feel about the issue, especially in the context of relationships/marriage, I’m somehow always wrong. I will often get attacked, sometimes even insulted, so I just prefer not to voice my opinion.

I actually remember a time I got insulted and subbed on Twitter for my “feminist” views. My mom even got dragged into it! It was a couple years ago, when a friend posted some sort of feminism banter on Facebook that started a long comment thread. Most, if not all, of the people commenting were on the same page, in the sense that they had very similar views to that of Aunty Chimamanda, which, by the way, I think are a bit extreme (and by a bit, I mean A LOT!)

I can’t even remember what exactly the discussion was about, but I was saying something along the lines of: I don’t exactly think that the gender roles in marriage need to be completely dismantled, and that I wouldn’t mind my husband being the head of my home, you know, referencing the Bible and all. Then someone said I am a disgrace to my mother and the entire female gender. Another time, it actually caused serious tension between me and one of my really close friends. So these days, I generally just keep my opinions to myself.

But I just had to react to Chimamanda’s recent interview with Dutch newspaper, de Volkskrant, where she stated that Beyoncé’s feminism is not her type of feminism because “it is the kind that, at the same time, gives quite a lot of space to the necessity of men. I think men are lovely, but I don’t think that women should relate everything they do to men… We women should spend about 20 per cent of our time on men, because it’s fun, but otherwise we should also be talking about our own stuff.”

(If you already feel some typa way, that’s fine, and you can stop reading at this point. But if you’re curious to know why I think differently, then please be my guest).

I think Chimamanda is an amazing author, and I love that she uses her position and platform to talk about serious issues such as feminism, black hair, etc. But sometimes, I feel like she takes it too far. The other day, she was giving a talk at an American university (which one of my friends was attending at the time), and she basically spoke against taking a man’s last name after marriage. And now, it’s women should spend 20% of our time on men because it’s fun? Really?

So what about the woman who really, truly wants a happy and perfect relationship/marriage? What happens to others like myself, who aspire to get married and have a family? Because whenever I hear Chimamanda talk feminism, or have this conversation with other women who share similar views, it always seems as though aspiring to marriage, as a woman, is a crime. Seriously though, what if you are like me, and you think love is a beautiful thing, so you hope to meet an amazing guy that would literally make you feel like a queen, and are determined to make that happen? Do I still qualify as a feminist? Because it seems not, at least not in many peoples’ eyes, including Chimamanda’s.

The other day, I was actually telling a friend that I don’t really understand the whole not-taking-your- husband’s-last name thing, because in my head I don’t see how that, for instance, bridges the wage gap between men and women, or how it helps the little girl in Saudi Arabia go to school. And she was like: “yeah well, if I take his last name, then he should take mine too”. Really though? So… both of you just switch last names then?

Obviously, I understand that for brand reasons, especially in the case of really successful and famous women, changing names might be difficult. And that’s probably the case for Chimamanda, which might be why she feels that way about it, but preaching it as if it is the “right” thing to do, and anything else is just unacceptable, is what I have a problem with it. And more so because of her  (more than well-deserved) position and influence, which for a lot of people, put her in a position to dictate or validate their life choices.

And don’t get me wrong. I am all for equal pay, education, employment, opportunity, and all that good stuff, for women. I just think that today’s feminism has taken a turn I’m not really sure about. I mean, you’ve probably heard of Amber Rose’s “slut walk” campaign, or the “free the nipple” movement, where some women basically walk about topless/naked in the name of feminism and protest.

I just think that sometimes we take this feminism thing too far, to the point that it might get in the way of our happiness. Yes, I believe that a man can make a woman happy, make her feel complete or fulfilled (and vice versa), and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Plus, what happens after I have become so successful, powerful and rich, and I go home and there is no one to share all that with? OR Yay! I am this really successful woman with all these great things going for me career wise/in general, but my love life is suffering because I am spending only 20% of my time thinking about men… because it is fun.

I am not here to tell any woman to idolize men, or even to aspire to marriage or whatever, NO. Because believe it or not, I am a firm believer of to each his own. In fact, fellow women, please go to school o! Dream big, work hard, be successful, and build yourself up. Everyone should, guys and girls alike. I just think that while feminism is a great and noble cause, there should be accommodations for feminist women who aspire to marriage—or at least those of us who would like to dedicate more than twenty percent of our time to the special men in our lives—without feeling not-feminist-enough, or worse, getting talked down or insulted.

I know that men (especially these our African brothers), have shown us pepper, and conceivably, this is where some of these feelings emanate, but perhaps a better solution might be: finding, grooming, and advocating for better, respecting, and well-deserving men, who will make our time and effort worth it.

Let us also not forget that each of us is different, and our priorities in life are not the same. Some people don’t even want to get married.

So… once again, to each his her own 🙂

Lota Ofodile is a writer and blogger who enjoys having great conversations, listening to, and challenging different opinions. Her family and friends mean the world to her, and she believes that love is the greatest gift of all. She is a self-acclaimed Nollywood connoisseur, and a lover of God, food, and everything pink! She is passionate about healthcare and entertainment media, and is in pursuit of a career that merges both fields.

179 Comments

  1. bee

    October 18, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    FINALLY!!!!!!! SOMEBODY AGREES WITH ME…………… THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. I FEEL THE SAME WAY. FEMINIST IN GENERAL TAKES THEIR SO CALLED FEMINISM TOO FAR.

    • Lota

      October 18, 2016 at 4:04 pm

      Lol! You’re welcome 🙂

    • Bimbo

      October 18, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      I don’t think you read chimamanda s article well ? Did chimamanda say women should not love or be in a happy marriage ??? Is nt she married too? You quote the bible to support how you should subjugate yourself to a man was it not the same bible white slave masters quoted to subjugate their black slaves ? The bible endorsed and legislated slavery as well as it endorsed submission , if the bible was wrong about slavery it could be wrong about submission as well ? You have benefitted from feminism in no small measure ! Stop being a hypocrite.

      1
    • Bimbo

      October 18, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      I forgot to add – I’m happy you admitted that women around you always shut you up when you bless them with your anti – feminism views .

    • Chekwube

      October 19, 2016 at 2:40 am

      And Bimbo in your warped “feminism” mind shutting people up for having a differing opinion on feminism is also part of advancing feminism..?how many of you so called feminism preachers have gone beyond shouting yourself hoax on how much you hate men and take a girl child off the streets?..instead of yall “feminists” shouting yourself hoax on sm about how you will crush the men’s heads and break every bone in their body why dont you all form an association and put your “feminism” to good use by doing comunity service that will benefit the girl child?..thats why i roll with very few ladies, face my darling family and my business…if you listen to or roll with these Nigerian version of feminists they will lure you into acting in ways that will destroy your relationships and your peace of mind …Anyway is it my “feminism”? To each her own.

    • Engoz

      October 19, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      Is this article what you call a counter-argument to Chimamanda’s? Why is it hard for the non feminist female to make intellectual arguments on why they are not a feminist? I have never seen an anti-feminist Nigerian female argue her position like an intellectual. It is typically sappy, sloppy, and kindergarten. The typical anti feminist article we get from Bella are usually very poor. I’m beginning to believe BN sets the authors up for sabotage and disgrace. And this is why people question the IQ of the anti-feminist female. You are also the reason why the confusion exists in feminism because your type wants the perks of male dominance and the perks of the equality argument. I respect the thorough traditional woman, what I do NOT have respect for is women like you who want to eat your cake and have it.

      Some questions for you:

      1) Did you get angry when Buhari dismissed his wife to the kitchen? If yes, on what premise did you get angry, considering the fact that Buhari only stated the obvious in traditional settings you adore?

      2) You say you don’t want gender roles completely erased. This is not entirely up to you. You will also have to factor the perks men get in traditional settings and if they would like to keep these perks the same way you are keeping yours. Like, being entitled to more than one wife, restricting your sexuality, restricting virginity to only the female, and seeing the kitchen as a no go area where the female like yourself report to office duties at his beck and call.

      3) On aspiring to marriage…I am not sold on the word ‘aspiring’ because there is a bewildering and very SHAMEFUL desperation that comes with this so called aspiration. You place yourself at a disadvantage giving off these vibes. Men will indeed use this ‘aspiration’ against you. This aspiration or rather desperation most likely leads to making very poor choices in marriage partners. The only plus is that, it makes for a good, hearty laugh though reading the desperation seeping from the screens from the marriage tappers on BN.

      4) I understand why some women would refuse to take on the husband’s last name. Taking the husbands last name was tied to traditional property customs in the West where women are seen as property like goats and cows. This culture is however foreign to some communities in Africa.

      5) Following your line of thinking, I will make the assumption that you would like to retain the brideprice culture. On what premise do you think you should be seen as an ‘equal’ in this type of marriage? The brideprice culture sets the precedence of inequality in marriage. Mathematically, an inequality suggests that two values are not equal, one value is greater than the other. And when we ascertain something is greater than the other, it suggests that it is superior to the other, and the lesser quantity is inferior. I know you would like to use the fancy word ‘head’. The logic is hierarchical, thus making him the superior, and you being inferior.

      6) I know the anti feminist finds it hard to understand how feminists have marriages, boyfriends etc. I’ll tell you why it’s hard to understand. Because you define marriage as a submission/dominance institution…and present this formula as the only ‘marriage formula’ at the same time define feminism as a man hating venture. I am not here to change your views. But I do require evidence and a strong intellectual argument to agree to any view. In the research article, Are Feminists man Haters? Feminists’ and Nonfeminists’ Attitudes Toward Men’ posted in Research gate, the results points to non feminists actually being more hostile to men than the feminist. The work found out that though non feminists believed in gender roles such as men being breadwinners and women being caregivers, non feminist women actually appeared to resent the confines of these same traditional roles they advocate.

      As I earlier stated, feminists are not the problem, you are the problem why there is confusion. Your types are trying to benefit from both sides. We will continue to call you out and question your IQ wherever we get the chance.

    • Beegal

      October 18, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      Who this article hep now. Feminism is the reigning thing now abi. Bellanaija be overflogging issues. Please to each their own.

    • anti bimbo

      October 18, 2016 at 10:32 pm

      Sweet numbs Bimbo shut the Heck up!
      The bible aka the good book is never wrong.
      maybe you fail to grasp the depth and perspectives those biblical illustrations are trying to create. I equally don’t think you properly read lotas article she is simply saying what is good for the goose may not be good for the gander,Every being is entitled to his or her view about the same issue so nobody should try making his or her view the imperative standard including sis Adichie c. CHIKENA
      #tell me about hypocrites#

    • Somtoo

      October 19, 2016 at 10:01 am

      Its high time we lose the term “feminist”.
      Why cant we just be humans and let everyone be allowed the same privileges? If i demand equal pay for a job done, i do it because its my right; because i want to be treated as a human and not viewed with any yeye gender skewed lens.

      I just want my fundamental human rights and not have to identify as feminist. Just as a Human!

  2. Preach it sister

    October 18, 2016 at 3:25 pm

    Bless you!! I agree with everything you said.

  3. Obi-Uchendu Tobechukwu

    October 18, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    I totally agree with you,I feel we are taking this issue a big far,,,,,,,nice piece

  4. Raffy

    October 18, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    I thought I was the only one who felt like I didn’t understand this feminist movement, I love my man and I wanted to get married to him and yes I strongly believe in gender roles too..

  5. Person

    October 18, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    *yawns* you’d think that feminism or chimamanda’s words aren’t straight forward the way everyone wants to lose sleep over them. Interesting that you Lota would be saying that we’re taking this feminism thing too far when YOU, a female went to Loyola and saw how girls wouldn’t become prefects for Having boyfriends but their very boyfriends would become prefects. Or how girls dressing was policed and how they were bullied and picked on by boys based on body type, appearance, who they had been with etc. But you were one of those that also judged girls like that so I’m not surprised.
    An intelligent woman like you and this is the kind of article you could come up with. They asked chima questions, she answered, a woman that knows and appreciates the struggles and micro aggressions that Nigerian women pass through. You’re privileged with a foreign degree so I don’t expect you to understand what Nigerian women, especially those without money to save them are going through. Less than 100 years ago you may not have been here to write this article because you wouldn’t have been educated because they may have preferred to use money to train your brother instead. But you guys take those privileges for granted and say that it’s not that deep. Women in Nigeria are fighting to go to school in 2016, or is I rape? Or dressing? Or abusive marrriages? Interesting how the ones who shout about feminists the most are the non-feminists.

    • Lota

      Lota Ofodile

      October 18, 2016 at 6:01 pm

      Wawu! Aunty LION PERSON, this is quite deep and personal for you. Sorry o, don’t be offended. I specifically put in that “you can stop reading at this point” clause for people like you, but thank you for reading anyways 🙂

      The beauty of life (and the point of this article) is that we should all be able to have our different opinions, so please carry on with your Lion ways of life, and let me do me…
      Smile Jesus loves you 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Oh please

      October 19, 2016 at 4:04 am

      Lota, your response is to say the least, immature. I mean read your response again. And you went to Loyola, the same one in Abuja? Whatever happened to the LJC standard?

    • Ron

      October 19, 2016 at 8:13 am

      Your response. Is rude and very immature. Accepting criticism graciously is a hall mark of good writers. You dont have 2 agree with a critic

    • LEM

      October 19, 2016 at 9:35 am

      Nope her response is not rude at all. Person did not make a constructive criticism. She’s making a personal attack on Lota. What has her going to Loyola or schooling abroad have to do with anything she wrote? Is it paining you? Or as @ Feminist suggested perhaps she punished you in Loyola and you have been carrying a grudge ever since? Point is not everyone will agree but if you disagree please do so constructively not as a personal attack like @ Person.

    • Manny

      October 19, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Very rude and patronizing response! And what’s with the AUNTY lion, AUNTY Chimamanda????? To your fellow females????

    • tunmi

      October 18, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      I swear it is though. The ones who shout about feminism the most are the ones who claim they aren’t. Why are you trying so hard? Why so much effort to shut them down and you STILL benefit from it. You guys sometimes, we’ll still claim you

    • Funmbi

      October 18, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      I don’t think she’s trashing how far women have come or what they have achieved. She’s only saying there’s a balance let’s find it and I am with her on that. I’m a woman I’ve been marginalized several times even within an educated family. I have on occassion been called feminist. However I don’t believe in fighting battles that don’t exist as we feminists sometimes do

    • EE

      October 19, 2016 at 1:43 am

      “Less than 100 years ago you may not have been here to write this article because you wouldn’t have been educated because they may have preferred to use money to train your brother instead. ”

      That just makes zero sense, all the educated Nigerian women of generations past, nah scholarship train them??

      Exaggerations damage every case.

    • mgtss.blogspot.com

      October 19, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Which is why ‘May’ was used…

    • Feminist

      October 19, 2016 at 6:08 am

      Lota probably punished you in Loyola so you just came here to spew nonsense. Talking like you didn’t even read the article.
      If you have something serious to say, say it witcho chest. Talmbout “less than 100 years ago” how in Pete’s name does that relate to any thing she said. Congratulations, you played yourself.

    • Why?

      October 19, 2016 at 8:53 am

      Why are you attacking her(Lota) personally? Is she the cause of these things you listed? looking through the things you listed here (Rape, Education, Financial Empowerment, Harassment, Strong family Unit etc ) these are the things supposed feminist should be fighting about however it has been relegated to how to outdo men. You can make your point without drawing her personal life into it.

    • Person

      October 19, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      @Lota and all her Xavier house girls this is not personal because I was your senior (your juniors were laughing at your dumb article at a party last night though) and I like 95% ¥of Loyola students, I studied abroad.

      You wrote a really dumb and embarrassing article. Half of the alumni are discussing it and we can say that we are actually embarrassed. This doesn’t make sense, it’s neither critically assessed nor accurate. Bringing your fellow immature and callous Xavier girls here to fight for you does nothing. Next time you want to write about feminism, send it to Ese Oruru and other girls like her to read out loud to you. OR don’t complain if the equality bill isn’t passed. Personal would have been me bringing up the fact that your mother had left over resources to raise you with even though you’re a female child, and thus not eligible to inherit in Nigeria. But yeah

    • What?

      October 19, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      @Person Is it feminism that will help Ese Oruru? Don’t be ridiculous. There are a lot of bad people in this world(Men and Women) who will do bad things. You are taking this too personal, I am making an assumption based on what you said. Una even form girls scout untop the matter dey laff because?

    • Person Friend

      October 19, 2016 at 10:52 pm

      Hello Person,

      I must commend you for expressing your views and only to an extent do I agree with them. Why?

      What you offered here wasn’t constructive criticism but an attack. I went to ljc too. If you call her an embarrassment, I must tell you that you haven’t saved your face either. Why?

      If you are her senior, please act like her senior. Telling her about her juniors laughing at her is just makes me question your own level of maturity.
      It is a subtle form of the same bullying you speak of. You are only verbally oppressing her to see your view.

      Then you say “half of the alumni.” Half? Who is half? What are your figures on this half. You also made a large assumption that those defending her were Xavier house girls. On what basis do you make this. conclusion? Is Bella naija an ljc forum? Since you have the education just as much as she does, please use it wisely. Use your learned ability to constructively critize a view and provide evidence to your claims.

      Speaking of more evidence. Please shed more light on your statement that “girls were not made prefects because they had boyfriends and their boyfriend were made prefects.” You know this reminds me of people who say that ljc does not admit muslims because their children didn’t get in. It’s a mind bias. You’ll probably bark at them if you heard this. But can you blame them? No. you can only inform them like I am trying to inform you. So it is publicly said: your statement is false. Yes there was or may have been bias to appointments but many other factors came to play. Some were deserved. Some were even classified as political. My point.: Girls with boyfriends were made prefects. Girls without boyfriends were not made prefects.

      The second part of judging girls by their appearance and who they have been with. This is where I agreed with you to a large extent. But then as kids we only knew what we knew. Let’s look at the fundamentals because this is everywhere: Judging and bullying is wrong. Why I say that is because this same bullying and judgement was experienced by the boys too. I know girls that were laughed at by their fellow girls for dating particular boys. “He’s not hot enough.” I know girls that bullied boys too. Girls were just as picky to their own taste. Boys also picked on their fellow boys.

      You also pointed at Lota as someone who did not feel it as she was probably even judging too. Maybe true. She may have been judged too. my dear, you may have judged too! And it’s funny because you probably thought it was all play. But now you are serious and passionate. I understand.

      You are passionate. I will introduce my view here while I speak to you. Let me question you passion for a minute. Do you feel all women should be treated as equal as men? Yes? I agree with you. Do you feel all women should be treated equally amongst themselves? My reason for this question is that i have observed women with your view who still treat their other women as inferiors. Amazing stuff! It’s not to scream about rape, bullying and all and then call the woman beside you low class and disgusting. This exists and make me wonder: are you real or just a public stunt? (Mind you this isn’t you).

      Now I know very well of cases where females in ljc were not treated right by male and where the authority did not represent them properly. Where at at a point, some were afraid to speak up because the authority will probably punish both the culprit and include them. I’ll have understood you if you followed that path. Not the prefectship or the appearance and worse of, the attack on Lotas intelligence.

      Lota is intelligent enough to put down her views. There seems to be flaws (maybe a few or a lot) especially since she based her view on one persons view(Chimamda). The truth about feminism is that a lot of people don’t understand it as much. No matter what they google, what you interpret is what you interpret. The media also doesn’t solve the problem. Based on her OPINION she produced this.

      But let’s also play a scenario where she isn’t intelligent. She is ignorant. Is that how you enlighten her? Did you get enlightened this way? If all your teachers passed down information the way you did, you might not be here. You’ve attacked. Based on pure psychology, when you attack,! one stops listening. They mentally retreat to defend themselves.

      If you told yourself, “she’s young and as her senior I will take my time to break it down for her”, your approach will be as good as Toreta and Well said . You didn’t. You are the embarrassment to ljc.

    • Xavier housegirl

      October 20, 2016 at 3:38 am

      Please I would very much like to excluded from this narrative! #notallxavierhousegirls!

    • Charles

      November 20, 2016 at 8:11 am

      Quite personal and damaging to a school we have come to respect over the years. You probably know each other, please sort this out on phone. Also put your name so we can tie this opinion to someone.

    • E

      October 19, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      From your response one would see that you are are very pained person. So it is okay to attack the writer’s personality because she schooled in Loyola or the fact that she has a foreign degree? How petty of you *person*. Get a life.
      And if you want to constructively criticize an article, do not attack the writer personally,
      cheers.

    • Feminist who doesn't like Modern Feminism

      October 20, 2016 at 3:19 pm

      Please explain any of the issues you’ve rightly highlighted tally with the Chimamanda’s point that the writer was counter-arguing which is that Beyoncé’s feminism gives way to the necessity of men?
      Nobody is saying any of the issues you’ve pointed out aren’t valid…but even Chimamanda’s feminism, according to that particular interview does not address these issues so not sure what you’re on about. Nobody holds patent to what feminism should be. You can be a feminist and still oppose the “exteme” views of modern feminists like Adichie.

  6. Lilly

    October 18, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    Lola, I don’t think CNA is telling us not to like marriage. And as you wrote, she’s not saying you or Beyoncé are not feminists. She’s merely saying that your type of feminism is different from hers. When I read her, I never sense that extremism you’re talking about. She airs her views about men/relationships and then at the end she always recognizes that what works for her does not necessarily work for all women. Her main point is CHOICE. We should have the CHOICE to spend 1% or 99% of our time on our men and family. As long as you are happy and feel no resentment towards your husband I think you’ve achieved the balance that works for you in your relationship.

    • Nahum

      October 18, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Don’t mind Lota and her ilk. They know damn well what CNA was saying. Women like her are very well versed in what feminism means and they know very well that each woman can tailor it to suit her needs. When women like her go public with stupid opinions like this, it’s all about trying to paint a “saintly”, “I am not with them” image, hoping it will earn them brownie points with their men. Abeg don’t waste brain cells explaining to her and her kind, they are just doing what they do best, tearing other women down.

    • seyi

      October 19, 2016 at 11:04 am

      If feminism is so Noble, why be so angry, or bitter when someone feels otherwise?? What exactly in this article has she said to warrant all these insults being hurled at her?? I also maintain, any cause that is very attacking and bashful on the people who aren’t in support of it doesn’t show love and therefore isn’t worth any body’s time!! This is the same thing she’s trying to talk about, being insulted for her views!! Haba!! Do you and let her do her no need for all these attack on her person!! Shows you either don’t understand what your feminism is all about or the cause itself is confused!!

    • Tim

      October 20, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      They know damn well what CNA was saying – Assumption

      Women like her are very well versed in what feminism means and they know very well that each woman can tailor it to suit her needs.- Assumption. You seem to generalize here yourself.

      When women like her go public with stupid opinions like this, it’s all about trying to paint a “saintly”, “I am not with them” image, hoping it will earn them brownie points with their men. –
      Assumption. Some women here agreed with her also.

      they are just doing what they do best, tearing other women down. – Assumption.

      Wait. Did you have a single objective point here? This is sad.

  7. wendy

    October 18, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Feminism and Feminists,
    But they will wait for men to toast them,
    Wait for men to propose and ,marry them,
    wait for men to impregnate them as well.
    who are we deceiving?
    P.S Most of the so called feminists are married or have children.
    Lost cause!!!!
    Great Article by the way.

    • Lota

      October 18, 2016 at 4:04 pm

      Haha! Thank you Wendy 🙂

    • Feminist of Life

      October 18, 2016 at 6:41 pm

      I like how you’re responding to comments kissing your ass and praising this crap of an article and ignoring the ones challenging your opinion and the ones that require you to actually use your brain. This article is the most senseless crap i have read all year and trust me i have read a whole lot of crap written by your kind this year. Girl Bye!

    • Lole Lewis

      October 19, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      Lol Lota you’re actually refreshing this page so you can respond to the comments? Deep.

    • Kosi

      October 18, 2016 at 4:08 pm

      I tried really hard to ignore this comment but what you have said has nothing to do with feminism. I don’t blame you at all because what you probably know about it is limited to what you’ve exposed to via social media and I understand that it would not be the best representation. I just want to say that feminism in its fundamental state, has nothing to do with men and your comment is very limiting. Try and read about it somewhere else thats to social media.

    • Chizy

      October 18, 2016 at 6:32 pm

      Wendy you totally missed the point. Nobody is saying feminists don’t have relationships with them. Rather feminists believe that women should have the equal amount of choices and opportunities as men. They shouldn’t be criticized for being single and that their lives shouldn’t have to be consumed by their marriage or family.

    • Bey

      October 18, 2016 at 8:57 pm

      I like this comment.
      However having been in d corporate world for atleast 10yrs I have never suffered discrimination at work. Iv received equal pay, Iv been promoted when due. In fact the bank I previously worked all my bosses and supervisors have been women. So when I hear all dese equal opportunity stuff. Iv been giving equal opportunities with men both in education and at work.
      D only thing I hate dat they do in Nigeria is dis marriage shaming women of a certain age.
      Lastly I consider myself a feminist bcos my husband n my male colleagues are always fast to tell me. But that doesn’t stop me loving and needing my husband.
      Yes I need him to feel complete. I need him to cuddle up with me every night, I need him to talk to when I get home at night. I need him to cry and talk to when I feel down. Lastly I need him to take care of me, both financially and emotionally( even dou I work and can take care of myself) but it feels good to know he can take care of me. And hell yes IM A FEMINIST………….

    • tunmi

      October 18, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      Please stop seeing women as a collective, as though they speak with one voice and have the same opinions.

    • naso

      October 18, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      You and the writer who laughed just disclosed to the fullest maximum that you are truly ignorant of what feminism truly means. Madam Lota who stops you from giving your man more than 20% of your time or attention. CNA just gave a percentage idea of how much you can still very much be around your man and cater to his needs, but don’t make a priority you forget about your development as a human. She never said every woman should do 20%. How on earth would you know if you are doing 20% or more, or even less.
      Please when you want to read something, open up your mind fully and read for better understanding. Read btw the lines. When it comes to marriage talks you see them acting like they are no feminists, enter marriage first, then come back after 3 years lets know your full stance on the matter. All these Feminists pretenders esp. when it comes to man and marriage matter.

    • Fola

      October 18, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      This Wendy individual sounds very clueless. Feminism as a movement has never said one of its goals was to replace men. Of course some of us want to be married. Of course some of us want children. Feminism isn’t asking women around the world to hate men. It’s fighting the notion that women are second class humans.
      As for Aunty Lota, it’s clear that you’re choosing to be ignorant, especially from the fact that you’re only replying the people that have chosen the same path. Hopefully, you don’t learn the hard way. Go forth and be stupid no more

    • Adaora

      October 19, 2016 at 8:39 am

      I think people like you just enjoy misunderstanding feminism. Feminism doesn’t stop you from waiting for a man to propose or marry you; it’s your choice to wait. Stop trying to belittle what feminism is.

  8. Nneoma

    October 18, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    See eh, you tried well well in writing down these points. Let me go further and add this:

    Feminism isn’t about how much time you spend on men, it is not about whose last name you take, it is not about who cooks and cleans in a marriage or if a woman should desire to get married or not. Those things are what we have twisted feminism to become, all in a bid for us to be viewed as hardliners and tough women. Mba! Ekwero m! Who cooks and cleans in a marriage has no bearing on early marriage in the northern part of Nigeria. Whose last name I bear has no effect on female genital mutilation neither does it improve the rights of the girl child to education. The time I spend on men does not directly affect equity in the work place or inclusion of women in decision making and in politics. In a bid to sound strong, we water down the very essence of feminism! Take any last name you want, marry by all means if you want to, think about men half the time if you like, they are humans as well and you have brothers and a Father so think men if you want, make allowance for men in your society. When we say gender sensitivity, it is not the drivel we have made it, it is for far more important issues than whose name you bear, who cooks and who cleans. It is not about men being “nice”, it is about there are men and women in the world and one should not be prized over the other. Let cultures that subjugate women or oppress widows be addressed over who should marry or not marry. Let our girls go to school, let us fight early marriages and FGM, let us fight for inclusion in governance and equity in the work place, let’s fight against oppressive laws and cultures were a 14 year old can be abducted and married against her will or a widow made to suffer needlessly, those are burning issues for the feminists, That is my brand of feminism. When we have won these major issues, we can focus on other mundane issues like who wants to marry or does not want to marry. Then when you marry, you can decide equality with a man means starving your children while you wait for the man to cook since una dey equal or some drivel like that.

    On a final note, I once went to a community where women in the community were not allowed to speak in public. They needed men to present any grievance they had on their behalves, these are issues of gender discrimination worth fighting, this is where my brand of feminism focuses on.

    I no dey follow people drag this who will cook, who will clean, whose name should we bear anymore, I just look and ignore them, the feminist fight isn’t in destroying your home or giving men 20% of your time. Thanks Lota for this view biko!

    • tunmi

      October 18, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      There are many brands of feminism. It’s like a subject, field or course. For example, medicine. There are different types of medicine, all are medicine. There are many disciplines of math, of biology, of chemistry. The same with feminism.

    • Bimbo

      October 18, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      It’s winning the ” mundane ” issues that leads to winning the major issues !

    • Tim

      October 20, 2016 at 2:17 pm

      Wrong. Its noise that gets blown away and might just carry along with it the major issues!

    • Well Said.

      October 18, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      @Nneoma!

      YOU should have written the article!

      Actually, you just did! Finally, some balance and good old common sense!

      And as for Lota Ofodile, you shouldn’t have based your opinions, conclusions and article just on the one quote from Chinamanda (It seems I’m actually defending Chinamanda’s views on feminism! No! Because, I think in some cases her views are too extreme and unGodly.). This is a bit lazy and incomplete. Her 15 or so point manifesto on how to raise your daughter a feminist, addressed to her friend, Ijeawele (I think what I liked most were the beautiful Igbo names; I like, also, how, like me, she apparently sees the beauty and power in calling people by their full names, ergo the full meaning, and does so) is readily and easily available on this same BellaNaija blog. In it, you see her full reasoning behind her views and counsel and how and why she arrives at them and the counsel she gives. You may not agree with everything but you should see why she or someone else, could arrive at that destination. This article was like a cheap shot and your arguments (emotional or intellectual) were not rigorous enough. You should have done better.

    • Vivienne

      October 18, 2016 at 8:21 pm

      But Lota did not bring out the view. She is among the many who thinks feminism is about how much time you relegate to your man. I give you the entire credit

    • Bey

      October 18, 2016 at 10:02 pm

      GBAM……………. Thank you

    • Beautiful face, with a beautiful brain

      October 18, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      I totally agree with you. I am a guy and I would gladly be part of your kind of feminism.
      And by the way you are beautiful…your face is so cute, that it brighthens up my screen whenever I scroll pass your comment….???….your royal cutness..would u marry me?

    • Beautiful face, with a beautiful brain

      October 18, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      The comment is in response to Nneoma

    • Here is it

      October 19, 2016 at 10:40 am

      THIS HERE IS THE REASON WHY THE LIKES OF NNEOMA GETS GOOD MEN AND GETS MARRIED TO THEI RBETTER HALF, WHILE THE LIKES OF BIMBO, HADIZA AND FELLOW HARD CORE FEMINISTS DIE OF HATRED AND BITTERNESS FOR MEN

      Did you just see a man ask Nneoma out? Men are attracted to the likes of NNEOMA but turned off by the likes of Bimbo, Hadiza and co hardcore feminists. Their attitude is like that of a mad man, who befriends a mad man? NONE. Everyone runs from them

      You cannot receive what you dont give. Give and it shall be given unto you. If you dont have love to offer men, men cannot offer you love. There are a whole lot of girls with stinking attitudes on the premise of feminist eish, the boyfriends who were toasting them then now have 3-4 kids while they still remain in their single state till now dying in their hatred

    • WarriChic

      October 20, 2016 at 5:29 am

      @ Here is it, your comment is one of the most pathetic I have seen on this thread today.
      Why must Nigerian women like you put ‘marriage and man’ at the pinnacle of their existence and basis of self worth?
      All you mentioned in your comment was ‘man, boyfriend, marriage etc’… So pathetic and desperate!

    • LEM

      October 19, 2016 at 9:59 am

      God bless you, God bless you and God bless you again for this! The word Feminist/Feminism has been so misconstrued by people that some think it is simply a battle between the sexes. It is soooo much more than that. I remember an article on sunday where a doctor was accusing an airline of discrimination and a female doctor in Nigeria commented on how people don’t regard her as a Doc just ’cause she’s a female. That they even go as far as calling her nurse. I have experienced such discrimination when I went to a pediatric hospital and a large percentage of their doctors were female. A mother actually requested for a male doctor that she does not want her child attended to by a female doctor (A fellow woman for crying out loud!). Now these are things we should be discussing not I desire/desire not a marriage, I will cook/will not cook, will clean/will not clean I will not take/will take a man’s last name and all other mundane things. That is a personal decision/choice not a feminist/feminism phenomenon.

    • sunshine

      October 19, 2016 at 2:52 pm

      Wish i could like this comment a million times!!!! Please tell them dear. A lot of feminists just deviate from what truly matters and argue over trivialities.

  9. Sisi

    October 18, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    This smells of one of the ‘feminist lite’ positons that Adiche alluded too in a recent piece. It sure is fine for your to feel this way but the point is that not everyone will and those who don’t are not any less deserving of respect and equal footing and don’t deserve to be thought of as strange of pitied. You say – ‘Plus, what happens after I have become so successful, powerful and rich, and I go home and there is no one to share all that with?’ This is exactly what some aspire to currently and there is nothing wrong with that. Honestly, truly, each to their own.

  10. sika

    October 18, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    I just think that while feminism is a great and noble cause, there should be accommodations for feminist women who aspire to marriage ——– This shows you obviously do not know what feminism is about. Who said you cant marry? ‘this feminism thing has gone too far’ — feminism is not a thing or a trend, Without it, you wont even have a voice to air out this opinion of yours with all its weak points and without it, bella naija which is owned by a beautiful, successful, woman, will not exist for you to even have a platform. I wish i had the energy to explain to you what chimamanda meant but i see its pointless. Some will get it, some will not and thats okay. We cant all be lions…some have to be sheep….and that too is okay 🙂

    • Lota

      October 18, 2016 at 4:27 pm

      This is precisely what I was writing about… and Sika I don’t think it is okay to use to the “lion/sheep” analogy. Please, just be mindful that our views might not always align. Thanks for reading tho 🙂

    • Person

      October 18, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      Why are you upset by the analogy? Some of us will be lions, paving way, taking boundaries, making names of our own AND holding down families and some of you will follow like sheep, eating grass, thriving on the hardwork the lions did so you can have your easy lives. Is that not the way life goes?

    • sika

      October 18, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      I am mindful that our views will not always align hence the sentence ‘Some will get it, some will not and thats okay’. Why is it not okay to use the lion and sheep analogy? some women are revolutionary thinkers and others arent. Chimamanda gets it, you dont. Thats fine. Everyone will walk different paths..and some people will have aligned visions and passions and some wont. Yours doesnt align with CNA. Again thats fine. Its okay to be sheep. being sheep is not a terrible thing. its okay for you to embrace that. Fact is your argument misses the point. Your examples/points were weak which is why i had no energy to start explaining the fundamentals to you. Thanks for reading though 🙂

    • mgtss.blogspot.com

      October 18, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      @Lota, while i think Sika’ lion/sheep analogy was uncalled for, her general points are valid. You have basically taken Chimamanda’s words out of context and spun them to suit you and your premise for this article.
      Chimamanda made it clear in her last post that the important word is CHOICE – i don’t know how else this can be explained or emphasized because many people have tried to do this in the comments section of that article. But let me say it again, a woman can decide to get married, be a stay home mum, cook and clean 24/7 and still be a feminist, so long as she is doing these out of CHOICE/FREE WILL – because it is what she wants for her life, NOT because her husband or society expects this of her – you get it now? Yes, it is that simple :))

    • John

      October 18, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      @sika..So for ur mind..u be lion?

    • John

      October 18, 2016 at 4:58 pm

      @sika..So for ur mind..u be lion? Delusional much

    • sika

      October 18, 2016 at 6:27 pm

      you dont know me though! i know its hard to believe others see themselves as ‘lion’ when you dont. its okay, Dont cry. I understand your pain.

    • Mirror.

      October 18, 2016 at 7:46 pm

      @John, if @Sika is or is not a lion, how do you know? Do you know her personally to make a judgment? If @Sika, is a lion “”for her mind””, what is wrong with that? I’ll help you with the answer: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! EVERYTHING is right with it! From the Word of GOD (“”As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.””) to all the very best preachers, thinkers, motivational speakers, life coaches, psychologists, teachers, parents, @Sika thinking, seeing, visualizing, visioning, speaking herself as a lion is not only right, it is RECOMMENDED!

      Who’s “”delusional””?

    • Mortal

      October 18, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      @sika
      U can’t wake up to use the lion/sheep analogy especially wrt Lota. Bcos u don’t know her personally too and u can’t rate urself with someone u don’t know. U can’t impose ur thoughts or how u see urself wrt ppl on them. Dat’s the submission u ppl are complaining about men being brandished here among the so called feminists.
      BTW, I love the article and Lota and CNA are practically saying the same thing wrt the choice. It’s just that CNA’s choice of examples are quite extreme and psychologically, it points the so-called feminists and aspiring feminists in the wrong direction; thereby imposing her thoughts and choice on them.

    • Someone

      October 18, 2016 at 6:07 pm

      Just to point out, women have been held important positions, invented stuff and own businesses before “FEMINISM”

    • Mozanei

      October 18, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      Uhmmm…. Women were not always given a platform ….Women literally had to fight for a seat at the table of men to have their ideas heard. Feminism did not just start 20 years ago like you might think…. Women have ALWAYS fought for equality. So don’t be small minded please.

    • EE

      October 19, 2016 at 1:58 am

      @Mozanei

      You’re confusing issues. Human history has always been about out-groups fighting for access to the table. Non-property holding men too “fought” for their right to the vote. Blacks for the 14th amendment, Protestants for their right to worship, Balkan states for nationhood, colonised for independence and so on. Its not about man v woman, its about privilege v non-privileged.

      More men have died for the cause of women than actual women, can you contest this??? Turning an issue with a lot of nuance into black and white just lets the extremists on both sides take over.

    • Sarah

      October 20, 2016 at 2:24 pm

      You are a lazy teacher and thats okay 🙂

    • Sarah

      October 20, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      And thats for Sika

  11. Miss Pee

    October 18, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    I personally feel like, people shouldn’t make others feel they are doing something wrong because of their life’s choices. You like marriage so much you consider it an achievement? awesome! You don’t? Awesome too! If you decide to take his last name, great! If not- great too! To be honest the Bible doesn’t say anything about taking a man’s last name it is just a sign of submission which we have taken up over the years and that’s fine.
    My point is… Let’s just ensure that whatever we do in life is for all the right reasons and let’s treat everyone lovingly without imposing our opinions.
    Also, as women we have a purpose to fulfil that’s much more than fighting to be ‘equal’ to men. In fact, i think we tend to underestimate the uniqueness that comes with being female . We also need to be sure what equality means to us because a lot of women seem to be getting it all wrong. Is it just equal pay and equal consideration for a job opportunity or is it being the head of the house and getting him to take your last name?
    Finally, in marriage, do what works for you both….discuss it before marriage and ensure that both parties are happy and agree.

    • le coco

      October 18, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      ?? thank you

    • Lota

      October 18, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      I agree 100%! Thank you Miss Pee 🙂

    • A.M

      October 19, 2016 at 10:14 am

      Maybe you should try replying those who attacked you the same way you’re giving the thumbs up to your supporters lota. I also dunno why you’re complaining about the lion/sheep analogy..you’re the one who started the “lion woman ” talk here. Don’t be a hypocrite.

  12. chineye

    October 18, 2016 at 4:02 pm

    To me any movement that tries tell its members how to live their life and what rules to follow to belong no matter how subtle, is a no no for me bcos that is how slavery starts.. I see all this feminism movement as jumping from frying pan to fire..a kind of illusion ..it reminds me of the garden of eden where the sepernt told eve she can have it all. I am happy to answer my husband surname and cook for him and my children ..if that doesn’t make a feminist, So be it. I guess the likes of Michelle obama and hillary clinton are not genuine feminist..no wonder Margaret Thatcher hated feminists with passion..Google it

  13. Kosi

    October 18, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    Lovely article Lots and your sentiments are well founded. Chimamanda is a vocal feminist but she doesn’t dictate the limits (or lack of) of feminism. From her standpoint, I would say that most of the things she speaks of are from a personal POV (e.g. the surname thing) but it is also feminism to allow women choose what they want to do. The key word here is choose. This is because, it would be unheard of for a woman not to take her husbands surname lets say a decade ago but its becoming more common. Its just about breaking the boundaries that society says women SHOULD do that is not backed by biology or science.
    From my understanding, just the fact that you can CHOOSE to do or not do something that would never have been an option in the past is feminism.
    Don’t let anyone make you feel like your opinions aren’t valid. Feminism might seem extreme but breaking against societal norms almost always is. Take BLM movement for example.
    It comes across as extreme because even though things may not seem particularly ‘bad’ , it seems normal because of the patriarchal society we’ve been brought up in.
    I really hope i’m not rambling & you get my point.

    xx

    • Beautiful face, with a beautiful brain

      October 18, 2016 at 10:55 pm

      Joke silva……dosnt answer her husbands surname.….and there are many women with beautiful homes who dont answer their husbands names, vice versaa

  14. Chineye

    October 18, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    To me any movement that tries tell its members how to live their life and what rules to follow to belong no matter how subtle, is a no no for me bcos that is how slavery starts.. I see all this feminism movement as jumping from frying pan to fire..a kind of illusion ..it reminds me of the garden of eden where the sepernt told eve she can have it all. I am happy to answer my husband surname and cook for him and my children ..if that doesn’t make a feminist or feminist lite or whatever , So be it. I guess the likes of Michelle obama and hillary clinton are not genuine feminist..no wonder Margaret Thatcher hates feminists..Google it

  15. Nunu

    October 18, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    You just wrote my mind. Biko Feminist lite, diet, low-fat or skimmed whichever one works for you. Just be yourself, guard your heart with all diligence, strive for excellence, be happy and above all, MAKE HEAVEN. All the rest is jargon.

  16. Ajala & Foodie

    October 18, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    I am a woman and I am with the woman, while I have not read the article that this author was referencing, (to be honest I have never read anything by Chimamanda). I however, have to agree that feminism has become a fad and have seen views that are extreme (on both sides of the spectrum) but the problem with extremes is that they are never the right way to go,

    Feminism has always been about balance but now some have just gone far left with it.
    I would like to read the context which Chimamanda made the statements she made before deciding if I agree that are thoughts are indeed extreme. Nevertheless, to the author, I am sure you have heard that there is no perfect marriage. That you aspire to be married and take on your husband’s name does not make for a perfect and happy marriage (what of if your hubby is not really keen about the whole name change?) The beauty about true feminism is to appreciate the fact that we (women) like men have hopes and dreams and should be afforded the same opportunity to achieve those dreams. Even if that dream involves being a home maker. I had friends in college that their biggest aspirations were to be home makers and many are just that today (none are Africans).

    What this new age feminist do not understand is that true feminism is about celebrating our differences. That one woman finds pleasure and her identity in her relationship/marriage does not make her any less a feminist than another that finds pleasure and identity in her career. There is no need for us to begin attacking each other because then the true purpose of feminism is defeated.

    • Lota

      October 18, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      Thank you for this comment 🙂

  17. mz_danielz

    October 18, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    Okay, a feminist is anyone who believes in the equality of the sexes. Any other thing is a personal struggle.

    Some people are bitter and angry and hide under various types of -isms. Some people are intelligent and think up theories and because they have a platform, they voice it out and it becomes part of their -ism. And some of these people who take these things too far are yet to discover themselves and still subconsciously believe men are superior to them;

    – I’m a king woman ( is a queen inferior to a king?)
    – I’m intelligent and don’t have time to be sexy ( why does it have to be one or the other and how is feminine sexiness inferior to intelligence. You never hear a man saying, I’m intelligent that’s why I can’t get girls cos my intelligence overshadows my masculinity).
    – Men don’t talk about women as much as women talk about men. (First of all, this is biiig lie. I was a tom boy and guys spend a whole lot of time talking about women. Married men too very concerned about their wives too. Love and companionship are natural needs we shouldn’t deny. secondly, so what if men don’t talk about women more than 20% of the time, when did everything men do become the standard to judge our lives. Men and women are equal but different. Judging ourselves by how the men behave is admitting that we are inferior and is just as bad as a black person bleaching).

    We need to teach our children to be strong, confident and loving people who are not afraid to express their best selves. Once we do, a lot will fall into place. They won’t abuse anyone or tolerate abuse, they won’t displease themselves for societal approval and they won’t spend time sprouting theories. They will live in the real world and be meek enough to find out what works.

    I think Chimamanda had a lot of personality struggles growing up (this is not an insult in anyway as most people tried on lots of personalities before fully owning themselves) but she is taking her preaching a bit too far. I had this opinion when I read Americanah, the way she kept emphasizing how Nigerian women were all about marriage and shrinking themselves and created Kosi and Ifemelu as representatives of two types of women. Kosi ( being the average Nigerian woman) and Ifemelu ( Chimamanda’s kind of woman. Almighty Obinze left his wife for her) but in doing that she didn’t know that Ifemelu was just an everyday girl who lived off her man’s money (curt), was a self sabotager (she cheated on Curt and spent days begging him), was insecure ( changing her accent, the way she felt about Paula, eating or etc.), a selfish husband snatcher who somehow believed she was intelligent and better than others and most of all human ( Chimamanda in trying to create a 21st century female created a human being with emotions, flaws and mistakes.)

    Live and let live folks

    • tunmi

      October 18, 2016 at 6:38 pm

      But that’s the amazing thing. And probably what she sets out to do: to create a flawed human being. You really are giving her a lot of credit in your criticism. She’s not trying to picture an ideal

    • mgtss.blogspot.com

      October 18, 2016 at 9:04 pm

      Tunmi, you get it o jare, I don’t understand how people judge a writer by the fictional characters she creates, did she say they are a reflection of herself or that they are perfect? They are created flawed so they are relatable and believable, why is that so difficult to grasp???

  18. Moi

    October 18, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    You, my dear, are my feminist of choice!!

    I am of the opionion that feminism is all about a woman’s right to choose. Just like some men choose to be responsible and some choose to be complete opposites. A woman can choose to be anything she wants to be, and not be judged for whatever her choice may be – slut walk, housewife, CEO or esoteric literary confounder. That is the meaning of gender equality in my books. So, anything that, AGAIN, tries to proscribe a particular way of life or the highway for women is just another type of bondage. We just switched slave masters from men to puffed up women, that’s all. I love Chimamanda but her opinions are just that – opinions. I may take a cue from some of her statements, but I most certainly won’t live my life based on thoughts of someone whose private life I am not privy to. I don’t know what jades her perspective and I most certainly would not blanket-ly apply her bias to my entire life.

    Why? Cos, I am a (true) feminist!

  19. Yummychickcummummy

    October 18, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    each of us is different, and our priorities in life are not the same.

    So leave chi., To her opinion and u too stick to yours. We r adults and should b able to make solid decisions that we want to and not to feel better or lesser cos another person ain’t on our page IMO…….. Feminism is not a one way thing……

  20. Kilipot

    October 18, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Hmmm ……… I think this matter on feminism can never be exhausted, we ll keep talking about it over and over and over. I particularly think that the 20% time on men is bullshit and two faced especially coming from a married lady. How do u even give your spouse (male or female 20%) but then what do I know, I don’t understand that bit and maybe I never will and that’s FINE. In fairness to Chimamanda she hasn’t “forced” anyone to follow her “suggestions”. It’s very OK to disagree.

    For Example, If you want to marry and raise a football team -FINE.
    If you want to marry and not have kids-FINE
    If you don’t want to marry, at all – FINE.
    If you are a hopeless romantic -FINE.
    If you are the one who hates dicks and sex also – FINE.
    I think there should be enough space to accommodate different expressions of our feminity not just what the society expects. It is also not restricted to getting married and having babies.

    I think at the end of the day, just do you! My own is whatever u do, don’t come and be telling stories that touch later.
    I think I’m beginning to not make sense. I ll stop at this point. I am tired.

  21. jess

    October 18, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    If you understand the meaning of feminism, you will not need anybody to explain it to you. I think the general problem is comprehension. Equal opportunity for all (men and women) and a right to choose (not imposed by society or anybody). What is so hard about that.

    The positions you think are anti feminists are not. To take or not to take husband’s name,you choose, to cook or not to cook, you choose, to work or not to work, you choose, to marry or not to marry, you choose. Simply to do things you want to do because you want to not because you are mandated to.

    Anytime I read write ups like this it makes me angry. It comes off from a place of ignorance.. Chimamanda (whom i love) did not invent feminism, she can only tell us her understanding of feminism, but we all went to school and feminism is not an ambiguous word if we go by the dictionary meaning. You should be able to tell those people you are referring above that their position is not the meaning of feminism.

    You can only say you are not a feminist if you do not believe in equal opportunity for all and if you believe that in certain matters you don’t have a choice but must go with the dictates of the society against your will.

  22. Chinny

    October 18, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Hmmm, where do I start? The title of the work suggests that Ms. Adichie hates men but she is not only married but she is a mother too. While I don’t agree with some of her opinions, I have read most of her work and interviews and I have never heard her say don’t take your husband’s last name. All she said was that if you didn’t want to do that, it should be okay.
    You said you are a traditionalist, very good. There is no where in Igbo tradition we were required to change surname. So when you do it, its a choice. Why attack those that don’t want to? We don’t get to choose what’s a persons priority, you assumed that she was doing that, castigated it and then went ahead to make mockery of name change issue. It seems hypocritical to me.
    The feminist that insult you because you say you don’t agree with them are wrong. It’s better to explain or just leave the person. There is nothing wrong with not being a feminist. Your choice but please stop misrepresenting people’s words.
    Have a nice day.

  23. John

    October 18, 2016 at 5:00 pm

    To me any movement that tries tell its members how to live their life and what rules to follow to belong no matter how subtle, is a no no for me bcos that is how slavery starts.. I see all this feminism movement as jumping from frying pan to fire..a kind of illusion ..it reminds me of the garden of eden where the sepernt told eve she can have it all. I am happy to answer my husband surname and cook for him and my children ..if that doesn’t make a feminist, So be it. I guess the likes of Michelle obama and hillary clinton are not genuine feminist..no wonder Margaret Thatcher hated feminists with passion..Google it

    • sika

      October 18, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Christianity does exactly that…JOhn! i hope you arent a christian.

    • Name.

      October 18, 2016 at 8:33 pm

      @sika, @John is not a Christian. @John has a “”husband”‘. “”I am happy to answer my husband surname and cook for him and my children “‘ With a name like John and having a “”husband”‘, @John is homosexual. And, there is no such thing as a Christian homosexual. So says God. @John also posted the same comment twice as @Chineye. So, maybe @John is transgender. Again, there is no such thing as a Christian transgender. So says God. So, @John, based on @John’s own words and witness of @John on this post, is not Christian.

      You’re welcome. 🙂

    • John

      October 19, 2016 at 11:33 am

      I copied it from chineye bcos I want to add “best comment” after her comment but it did not show, it is not rocket science

    • sika

      October 18, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      feminism does not dictate, It gives you the right to choose and accords you equal opportunity. Dont people read? jeez!

  24. Nancy

    October 18, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    I really love Adichie but I think she is hypocritical to the bone!
    She spends as much time talking about men. There are very few things she has said that has little to do with men.
    All her books, men! Olanna and Kainene, what is between them aside from the sisterhood-Men.
    Kambili does not do anything particularly extra-ordinary. Yes, she is mostly 1st or 2nd in class but the whole defination of Kambili revolves around her falling in love with a priest. Yes, there is domestic violence by Pa Eugene but what about what was supposed to be our young hero, Kambili?
    Ifemelu is a shameless woman! Who tells the story of Obinze’s wife? It was okay for Chimamanda to use love as an excuse for a man to cheat on his wife with a past love.
    See, I’ve read Chimamanda so many times.
    Recently, I’ve though of her as nothing but a hypocrite. She hates everything that she does not believe in. She wants to set the rule and be the guide. Of course, that is why she is a writer but hers is just…. She wants women to be like her. She is so bended in a way that is not nice.
    Once she said something in an article about Michelle Obama only beingthe first lasy because she does not have natural hair. People did not see the self-righteousness in that.

    Women, do what pleases your soul. Chimamanda is extreme, she is looking for something with Westerners and if she finds it, she will not share with you.
    Take what works, leave what is unnecessary.
    If you feel fine in your domestic role, please be fine.
    At the end of the day, I hardly know how to cook and I am hardly enthusiastic about house chores and I am a firm believer that Men and women are equal.
    But I don’t have time to be feeling self-righteous or try to make other women that don’t share my believe feel like they are living wrong.
    At the end of the day, one writer that is really about the sincere African female narrative is Lola Shoneyin not Adichie.

    • mgtss.blogspot.com

      October 18, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      How do you make conclusions about someone based on the characters in her book? Have you ever heard the word FICTION???

    • Weezy

      October 18, 2016 at 6:39 pm

      Didn’t Chimamanda make conclusions about Beyonce’s feminism based on her music, which is also fiction?

    • Weezy

      October 18, 2016 at 6:29 pm

      This is an unpopular opinion. But I agree with you completely, having read all her books and most of her articles and interviews. Chimamanda wants everyone else to think and believe in whatever she does, no matter how hypocritical it will be. The first time I read Americanah I hated it because I dislike Ifemelu yet got the sense that her creator (Chimamanda) did not see Ifemelus flaws because Ifemelus is Chimamanda. Her interviews and writing since that book just confirms my initial suspicion.

    • omali

      October 19, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      It’s strange you say this….that and another of the characters are so familiar. Will leave. It at that

    • JikBuyer

      October 18, 2016 at 7:39 pm

      Nancy, My love, I completely agree with you!!!! as if all Chimamanda’s characters don’t revolve round relationships with men!!! And Ifemelu has to be the most IRRITATING Anti -heroine ever. My lawd. If Chimamanda is anything like that and I really suspect she really is like that her Ifemelu character then I seriously feel for her husband…..

    • Reason.

      October 18, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      The comment about Michelle Obama being able to be First Lady because she doesn’t have natural hair has NOTHING to do with Adichie’s “”self-righteousness”” (and I take her, if I take her at all, retail not wholesale) but everything to do with discrimination in America! Obama made it to the White House as the first ‘black’ president ONLY because he is half-white! African-Americans, Americans and anyone with unbiased and informed, reasoning intelligence all over the world, knows that! Just in schools, ordinary school, African-American girls are discriminated against because of their natural hair, excluded and marginalised against, AS PART OF THE SCHOOLS’ ENSHRINED RULES AND CONSTITUTION. Much of white America has stomach turns every day at the thought of (even half-)black people (to be precise: president and First Family not janitors, butlers, admin. staff, etc) in THEIR White House. If Michelle Obama had been a (freedom-fighting/black power/jungle as they think of and perceive it) afro/natural hair-wearing black sista, sorry, woman, her husband’s candidature would have met with even MORE rabid, aggressive, hateful, over-our-dead-bodies, not-in-white-America, unrelenting opposition than what he went through; and, believe it or not, just that alone, could have cost him the presidency. Yes, image IS everything.

  25. John

    October 18, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    Culled from somebody on chimamda adichie facebook comment..love to paste it here

  26. Idomagirl

    October 18, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting marriage and I don’t think that Chimamanda has ever said it’s wrong, infact in her now famous speech that was used by Beyonce, she acknowledges that marriage can be a wonderful thing, her critique however has always been the way society has made it an idol.

    You will agree with me that in our society marriage is always too often seen as the only thing a woman should aspire to, and if you don’t have a husband, you’re somehow seen as less than, this is one of the things she critiques, she’s not necessarily saying marriage is bad or women shouldn’t want marriage.

    That said, at the end of the day, let every woman decide what’s best for her, after all is full agency and control of your life one of the biggest points of feminism?

    It’s not written anywhere that we must all agree with Chimamanda or pattern our lives after whatever she says, na you get your life, if she says something that will not work for you, leave it.

    Na who wear shoe no where e dey pinch am.

  27. King Kong

    October 18, 2016 at 5:09 pm

    (Helen of Troy…Boudicca…Marie Curie…Rose v Wade)—–>Amber Rose. It’s basically whatever keeps you in the public scene now. These new wave feminists aren’t fighting for equal pay, etc. encouraging women to get educated and attain heights, they are just continuing the trend of self objectivity but only on their own terms.

  28. ThatShyChic

    October 18, 2016 at 5:24 pm

    Nicely put. This whole feminist thing gives me a headache! I’m also an advocate of ”to each his own”, but frankly i still feel some traditional gender roles especially in marriage should be what they’ve been. Call me old-school, but i enjoy letting my husband handle the ‘manly’ roles. It doesn’t make me any less ambitious.

    • tunmi

      October 18, 2016 at 6:38 pm

      Then say YOU!!!! Don’t prescribe that for everyone.

  29. Bambi

    October 18, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Berekete, just as I assumed. See comments about feminism, but advise a sister about her career prospects mbanu. Its obvious where priorities lie

  30. A

    October 18, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    The quality of this piece reflects the kind of thought process you must have gone through – lacking facts & cohesion.
    I think it’s unfair for you to select CNA and criticise her brand of feminism in a bid to pursue your “feminism free” endeavours. CNA has not forced or decreed anyone to do (or not do) any of the petty issues you decided to highlight from her numerous, enlightening, thought-provoking & critical speeches, & writings. The very crux of feminism is choice, and by the simple human requirement of experience, it manifests itself in different forms for different women. My feminism may not be the same as my mothers feminism, or the feminism of a sex worker in the Middle East. Feminism differs from woman to woman, and if you have failed to see or embrace that, then you have no place in critiquing an ideology/movement that you have taken out no time to educate yourself on. Please do not be an enemy of progress. Thank you

  31. Darmie

    October 18, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    I am happy someone agrees with me too

  32. Just another Person

    October 18, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    LMAO! Why are you on here trying to join issues with feminism and CNA? If you aspire to marriage nobody has stopped or called you inferior for your choices; except you, in the now (un)popular comment(s) you made on Facebook. I’m referring to the one you in which you said you are “less than”, “inferior to”, “weaker than” man/men/your husband…yep, that one!
    We called you out then for failing to distinguish between EQUALITY and SAMENESS. Now, you’re claiming to be in support of equality?? I’m not even sure you know what that means. But like you said “to each HER own”.

  33. tunmi

    October 18, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    … You start of saying females… Female what? Female dogs, female cats, female goats. You meant women, you could have written women.

    You WANT to be a traditionalist. Because you want to. I’m not going to tell you it’s fine. It’s what you want and it is what you will pursue. The issue now comes when society (men and women) say and actively work to make that the only option for women regardless of what they want. Taking that choice away is what feminism fights against.

    Your choice is your choice.

  34. Anon

    October 18, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    Bunch of educated and privileged women that have money and educated parents that enable them leave abusive work places or marriages telling us that feminism is shit

  35. John

    October 18, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    Yawn , if that makes u sleep better,,

  36. amaria

    October 18, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    I can’t thank you enough for this article! It just expressed how I feel! I love Chimamanda to the core but I have to say she does come across a bit condescending with her views. You can’t listen to her without feeling bad about your relaxed hair, or change of name, or the fact you actually enjoy to cook for your man.

    Many “feminists” are have an air of superiority over them. They go around like “look at me I’m beauty and brains and I’ve put my husband in his place and I still have my last name and I spend my money how I want to when I want to and poor you ; you still live in a world where you run things by your husband “. In a bid to fight for choice and break societal “straight jacket” opinions about what is expected of women…They develop new ones!

    As a female I have been shunned for jobs just because I’m a woman. I’ve had employers take a glance at the ring on my left 4th finger and decide they are no longer in need of a new staff. I’ve had nurses call my superiors to confirm my prescriptions while my male younger counterparts get to do procedures they are not even liscenced for just because they are men.

    A movement that focuses on these inequalities are far more important to me than one that focuses on how much of my time I spend to think about a man I love abeg…

  37. Nahum

    October 18, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    Lots and her friends are what I call the enablers and male apologists. Always rushing to defend the Nigerian man because they want to show how much they love their boos. But when the patriarchal system attacks them, which it always will, one way or another, they will run to feminists to defend their rights. Once they have been defended, they will demonize feminists again. I am tired to this rubbish and I have decided to fight women like this. Don’t demonize me then turn around and ask me to fight for you. If you love patriarchy then love the good and bad. Enough is enough! I have chosen to fight for myself and my daughters.

    • Person

      October 18, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Don’t mind them. If we all siddon look like these ones, there won’t be any advancement. radarada.

    • Beautiful face, with a beautiful brain

      October 18, 2016 at 11:03 pm

      Bitterness…who hurt you! I wish you recover and get healed someday….life is too short to leave with such bitterness even if u decide to live as a nun

    • Proverbs31Woman

      October 19, 2016 at 2:49 am

      why so bitter? No one is fighting with you my dear sister. why must fighting always be your solution? agree to disagree. from reading your comments on all these feminism related posts you come off as someone who despises people that don’t want to conform to your views. Executive member of the feminist movement, I thought feminism was about women having the right over their choices? hypocrisy is bad boo boo kitty.

    • Engoz

      October 19, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      Not only is this an opinion piece, it also introduces false, hypocritical claims into the gender discussion. And those claims will be challenged. You false claims will not be passed off as ‘choice’. I know where women of our mother’s generation stand. These women are not twofaced and I respect them for it. Women like you and the author want to enjoy the best of both worlds. You will be called out for your hypocrisy and your IQ will be questioned like never before.

      And sorry to burst your bubble, not even Solomon the wisest man on earth could find the proverbs 31 woman. In Ecclesiastes 7:28 Solomon who wrote about the Proverbs 31 woman concluded that ‘Though I have searched repeatedly, I have not found what I was looking for. Only one out of a thousand men is virtuous, but not one woman!

    • Tim

      October 20, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      Lots and her friends are what I call the enablers and male apologists. Always rushing to defend the Nigerian man because they want to show how much they love their boos. – Assumption.

      But when the patriarchal system attacks them, which it always will, one way or another, they will run to feminists to defend their rights. – Assumptions

      Once they have been defended, they will demonize feminists again. – Assumption

      My issue with your arguments are quite simple.

      Assumptions.

      Could I join you and make an almost valid assumption?
      If we entrust feminism into your hands, then it is lost cause. Please please please don’t fight for them.

  38. Toluwalope

    October 18, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    Lota, you’re a very intelligent and smart writer. We share the same opinion on this feminist stuffs.

    • Lota

      Lota Ofodile

      October 18, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      Lol! Thank you 🙂

  39. amaria

    October 18, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    Why the need to fight women to fight for women??? *sigh*

  40. Mawi

    October 18, 2016 at 6:49 pm

    Writer, it is high time women really educate themselves oh. Seriously this is embarrassing.
    I mean, how hard is it to grasp that Feminism is simply THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE your life?
    If Chimamanda ‘s opinion is too extreme for you, that’s fine. No one is asking u to follow her steps. That’s how she chooses to live her life. You live the life you choose. Simple! However, I do understand when u talk about those who look down on women who choose to be home makers etc. They exist. They feel that all women MUST be career driven, etc etc. I dare to say that they are not true feminists. Because anyone who doesn’t respect the choices of a woman & feels we should all be a certain way is only trying to steal the power of choice from that individual. They are no different from patriarchs & misogynists. Unfortunately, dem plenty well well.

  41. Hardly comment but had to

    October 18, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    Thanks for writing this. While I agree that Chimamanda maybe extreme. I think you have just proven her point about women relating everything to men. Her essay had many points that had nothing to do with marriage/men, yet that was the only thing your article focused on. However, in general I agree that we women who don’t agree with the kind of Chi’s thinking need to speak out more often…I thank you for at least taking a stance and providing another perspective…Hence my epistle….

    Since your article is focused on marriage/love with men etc that’s what I’ll talk about (when some else writes an article on some of the other things she spoke about like having pride etc I’ll comment) – my personal issue with Chi is that she seems to always discredit religion. Most of these generally accepted beliefs come from different religions and some people chose to live their lives based on their religion so telling them that they shouldn’t believe in what their God says because it doesn’t make sense to her is wrong. I’m a Christian so I’ll speak from that point of view, in marriage the husband is the head i.e. the leader but the husband also has a head who is Christ and Christ also has a head who is God. There is an order and hierarchy and for marriage to function well everyone must know where they fall. People are always talking about submission and how the woman needs to submit but I believe men have the greater commandment when God asks them to love, love is harder to do than submission. I understand what my role is and I have no issues with it, if my husband and I don’t agree on something..that’s fine he can have his way but I’ll report him to his boss and then he has to answer his boss..it’s that simple. My husband and I are equal before God but the roles we play are different…

    However the Bible does not say every man is your head, it is only in the context of marriage. No man that isn’t my husband can’t come and be pulling I’m your lord, I have the final say blah blah cos he doesn’t.

    Also what is so wrong with letting my husband have his way, that does not mean I don’t have an opinion or say in the matter…I’m more concerned about peace than being right. Being right is highly overrated….I’m also more concerned about being right with my God and obeying him that letting my pride for being right cause conflict. It really is not that serious… If for any reason my husband makes a wrong decision, he is humble enough to admit that he is wrong and apologize. Also you only have this problem when you marry a man whose decisions you can’t trust. Before you marry him, you will see the pattern, if u don’t like it then leave and marry a man who shares the same general thinking and that won’t be much of an issue.

    The name issue- again Chi likes to talk like she is speaking and giving us all epiphanies…Name changes are in place for the society to work in order, if u like do it, if not then don’t. However again the Bible doesn’t say you have to change name but I want to be one with my husband, essentially I’m taking on his vision and I’m his help meet, why should I have a different name? How many companies have 2 names, with the same vision and purpose? That’s called division (i.e. two visions) just not necessary. Chi gave the example of the intertribal couple, Yoruba and Igbo people because the last name was Yoruba, the first name had to be Igbo??!?! Who cares, does that change the fact that the child is half Igbo? Because his first name doesn’t say it. This is root of all this intertribal rubbish….Again it was the woman’s choice and she chose to let her husband pick the name. You painting her choice as subservient is the reason I have issues with Chimamanda. I have a choice and if I chose to go with generally acceptable beliefs that doesn’t make me Feminist lite or whatever she calls it. Again I understand that her point is that the man also can change his name but again back to the bible(since that’s what I believe in), he is the one who found me and asked me join him in his vision, I see no reason to start asking him to change his company name to mine…it’s called a merger…lol

    Also just maybe I don’t care about other things except for him, maybe I find all of my fulfillment from being his wife, the mother of his kids and performing functions in the kitchen, the living room and other room (just had to throw that in there)…that doesn’t make me any less of a woman.

    Or maybe I am able to own all these rooms and also own a boardroom….as long as I am fulfilled why should someone else’s opinion matter…

    To be honest, I don’t believe in feminism and all its ideas( If there is one thing I agree with Chimamanda it’s that we as a society need to raise better men who may chose to be husbands). I understand why I’m a woman and I also understand why a man is a man. So why would I be try to fight to be a man and not own my womanhood…Biologically, physically etc we are not the same. That I am a woman is a valid reason not to do somethings sometimes Chi and please stop writing on such strong words that those of us who don’t agree with you on this are somehow stupid and letting down other women.

    It’s the same argument with these whole gay thing…the day two men or two women can manufacture an offspring then I will believe that it is the right way to go. Until then abeg, I respect the natural order of things, the way the creator created it to be. I’m a woman and sometimes a man can do somethings better than I can..and sometimes I can do somethings better than he can…admitting that doesn’t make me weaker, if anything it makes me stronger because I know who I am. In my opinion, Chi and her likes are chasing their tale and don’t know who they are…( here I go, doing exactly what I accused her of…i think these feminists are the clueless one???)

  42. Hills

    October 18, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    Essentially, most of you are saying the same thing. Chimamanda, Lota, you’re all saying the same thing. The woman has the right to choose what she wants out of life and not be hindered from achieving it because she is a woman. This is what feminism is. However, the problem with the freedom for different styles in the feminist movement is that people tend to look down on other types of feminism that aren’t theirs. For example, you made a statement about women that have great careers and no love life, and this was done in a condescending way. This is the same way Chimamanda advocates for women to spend 20% thinking about men. She isn’t forcing anyone to do so, or out-rightly saying they are wrong for doing differently, but her advocating for that makes it seems like women that think about men more than 20% of the time have gotten it wrong. So, the both of you are wrong in the sense that you’re both condescending. Forgive the long essay.

  43. Mad

    October 18, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    This is how you know people who do not do their research or understand feminism before opening their mouths or typing on their keyboard. ‘Not aspiring to marriage = trying to be a man?). The issue with women aspiring ONLY to marriage is that we are hardwired from birth so that everything else (happiness, career, friends, even morals) comes 2nd to being attached to a man in the form of marriage. Men are not taught in this way. They are told to aspire to be successful with careers, education..things that they can solely achieve without necessarily depending on someone else. This double standard can lead to various consequences, for example, women trying to make themselves seem dumber to attract a man, men viewing marriage not as a dual gain, but rather as a prize or reward that they give to ‘deserving’ women, etc. Essentially marriage as the only gold standard for women reinforces the idea that a woman’s worth is tied to a man…this has been the case for centuries. THIS IS EXTREME, so excuse Chimamanda if she suggests the opposite. Excuse her if she feels that her daughters should still feel accomplished at 30 years with an awesome job, good friends and hobbies in the same way that a man does, instead of feeling useless just because they are not married.

    Honestly I am ashamed with all the feminist issues rampant, especially in your home country (Child marriage, Lack of basic domestic training for the male child, forced psychological and physical limitation of women only to domestic roles, lack of STEM education for women, treatment of widows, Forcing of women to take lower-paying roles, domestic violence, inheritance to only the male child etc.), it is marriage and the label that you choose to have a problem with. The point is if you TRULY aspire to be married as your ultimate goal, go ahead. It is your choice, but for other girls who might view career, travel as theirs, they should be free to not choose marriage as their standard. STOP THE IGNORANCE PLEASE. DO NOT SLANDER CHIMAMANDA WITHOUT JUSTIFICATION! SHE IS ONE OF OUR ONLY SANE VOICES. If you do not get it, shut up.

    P.S The bible says nothing about a woman taking her husband’s last nae. It is a purely social construct made by man, as such it can be accepted, modified or broken as the woman sees fit. All the gains you created in your head to justify it are unfounded and unsupported. How does my salary increase whether my name is Amy Obi or Amy Okeke?. Please!…STOP POLICING WOMEN’S MINDS, BODIES and ASPIRATIONS with your old-fashionedness (read: stupidity)

  44. Hardly comment

    October 18, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    Thanks for this. If there was any brand of feminism I’d agree with, it would be this one.However I believe this is being humanitarian…that’s the fundamental issue I have with feminists…fight for your right as human being not saying you are fighting for your right as a female….you are essentially going against your own main point. You are a human being first before being a female and no human being should be subject to these kinds of things…whether it’s only affecting women on not…I don’t care. We are human beings first, just different reproductive organs, that shouldn’t change our rights in the society.

    • Hardly comment

      October 18, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      This comment was for Nneoma

  45. Ngozi

    October 18, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    ONe thing I noticed about radical women like chimamada , nahum, hadiza etc is that no matter what they say about women have the choice to choose, deep deep down they really want women to conform to their poisonous ideology..it is funny they talk about feminism but if you check the history and foundation of feminism ,it was meant for white women by the rich , well to do suffergettes .The white women look down on black women who they use as maids and cleaners and was horrified when the learnt that black women were also given the right to vote ( due to civil rights ) .. when those white women notice that the civil rights movements were gaining more attention , they decide to iffitrate it with the help of the CIA ,deceiving black women to shun black men so as to gain goverment welfare .. as they say the rest is history,just take a look at the sad state of the african american community, with single mothers and their emotionally bastard children causing havoc everywhere( no fathers around). Feminism is a flawed movement which only benefit white women,it is funny when they talk about gender pay,a white woman earns more than a black woman and black man combined whether in Hollywood or in top companies. Black women need to separate themselves from white woman but I doubt that because we black people always like to follow whites even to our own detriment.. whenever I see delusional Black women talking feminism,I always shake my head because it always backfires on them: just matter of time

    • Ankn

      October 18, 2016 at 9:33 pm

      “emotionally bastard children”
      “With the help of CIA”?
      Lmao na wa you need prayers fam

    • Beautiful face, with a beautiful brain

      October 18, 2016 at 11:14 pm

      Gbam! This is the only issue I have with this people. They start off, by claiming you have the right to do you, then go on to start casting shades. Don’t talk about men, yet they go from article to article… Bashing Nigerian men, by so doing they talk about men. The thing is if these guys believed feminism meant freedom of choice. Then these article wouldn’t generate these many comments. People would just scroll past, and let the writer do what ever she want….but no.…people even go as far as insulting her

  46. Mz_Danielz

    October 18, 2016 at 8:58 pm

    Thanks a lot. In my opinion most of Chimamanda’s heroines are her.

    The babe in purple Hibiscus – chimamanda in her teen years.

    Ifemelu – Chimamanda and in having Obinze leave Kosi for her, she had somehow won over the beautiful girl. The way she kept comparing Kosi and Ifemelu was annoying (Kosi flattened her personality, did not challenge Obinze, had a table full of creams, had a modesty that announced itself, did not challenge Obinze sexually while Ifemelu was honest, demanded from Obinze sexually, wore boy shorts). I think in having Obinze leave Kosi for Ifemelu, chimamanda won the Beyonce’s of this world subconsciously).

    Abeg enough of this Dr.Phil, to each his own.

  47. Ngozi

    October 18, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Also agree with my @bn sister who says, just as I assumed. See comments about feminism, but advise a sister about her career prospects mbanu. Its obvious where our priorities lie……………….it willl soon reach 100 + comments but let it be about women entrepreneurs or advice on how to succeed in the workforce and real women who have achieved something tangeble with their careers, women’s health, you will see 0 to 1 comment., yes I disagree totally with chimanda but I agree with her on one aspect and that is our lives revolves revolves around men ,no matter how much we deny it and dont give me the exxuse that men talk about women too..no they dont dedicate too much of their time on women like we do on them: anything about women discussion revolves around men, fashion, gossip ,weaves and weddings. .goto mens blog like nairaland ( I am not advertising )see how men help themselves whether on how to fill tough application , latest news on jobs, visa, Cv, computers,phones even how to browse and download free lol. . U will get more help on any blog that cater for men that will benefit your life personally . Yes ,of course there are sexist men over there with appalling languges but all in all , you will benefit more..There is alot of difference with men blogs and women blogs. We should all stop with this feminism nonsense and just strive to treat one another with respect and dignity even our househelps, help one another and live our life to our full potential.

  48. Ngozi

    October 18, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    ONe thing I noticed about radical women like chimamada , nahum, hadiza etc is that no matter what they say about women have the choice to choose, deep deep down they really want women to conform to their poisonous ideology..it is funny they talk about feminism but if you check the history and foundation of feminism ,it was meant for white women by the rich , well to do suffergettes .The white women look down on black women who they use as maids and cleaners and was horrified when the learnt that black women were also given the right to vote ( due to civil rights ) .. when those white women notice that the civil rights movements were gaining more attention , they decide to iffitrate it with the help of the CIA ,deceiving black women to shun black men so as to gain goverment welfare .. as they say the rest is history,just take a look at the sad state of the african american community, with single mothers and their emotionally bastard children causing havoc everywhere( no fathers around). Feminism is a flawed movement which only benefit white women,it is funny when they talk about gender pay,a white woman earns more than a black woman and black man combined whether in Hollywood or in top companies. Black women need to separate themselves from white woman but I doubt that because we black people always like to follow whites even to our own detriment.. whenever I see delusional Black women talking feminism,I always shake my head because it always backfires on them: just matter of time.

  49. Avid reader

    October 18, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    Lota, what kind of stupid immaturity is this? Aunty Lion person!! Your argument had holes which someone pointed out and you resorted to immaturity. Clap for yourself. I was gonna say I lost my respect for you but I never respected you anyway.

    • john

      October 18, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      abeg shift, who ur online respect help? she is entitled to her opinion just as you are to yours

  50. Koffie

    October 18, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    First off, the title of this write up is quite rude. Secondly, Chimamanda has in no way said that she hates men but your title suggests that her brand of feminism equates manhating. I even wondered if you read her most recent post on how to raise a feminist cos if you did, you’d agree that some of your points are dead on arrival. I don’t mean that in an insulting way.
    I very strongly believe that if you read the article, you’d see just how wrong you are in making st

  51. Weezy

    October 18, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    Interestingly enough, while we’re all debating her, Chimamanda was just announced as the face of a makeup brand. Boots No. 7. That is a huge brand. She also just wrote an article today published in the NYTIMES about Buhari and how he has failed. So if you’re counting, in one week, she:
    1) said her feminism is different from Beyonce’s and Beyonce did not create her
    2) wrote a long Facebook post on the rules of raising a feminist Igbo girl
    3) Wrote a political op-ed in the NYTIMES
    4) In the same NYT wrote an ode to Michelle Obama
    5) Became the brand ambassador for a Makeup brand.

    • The real hadiza

      October 19, 2016 at 5:09 pm

      Girls are here fighting and the is making money and building her branding … Smh … Receive sense

  52. theoriginalperson

    October 18, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    Everybody has thier own feminism. Beyonce own. CNA own. Olori wuraola own. Pls let THE MATTER REST, E DON DO!!!

  53. Weezy

    October 18, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Outside of Nigeria, Chimamanda is becoming a brand with commercial value.

    • samething people critcizing lota are saying

      October 19, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      @Weezy Which is why she is saying..when you think of your development as human, and not carry too many things which wont add value to your life, you will end up a great value to yourself, your family and society @ large. Not everytime thinking about man, and if the man never come, you will want to die. CNA is a realist. the problem with Nigerians is lack of comprehensive skills, reading to understand, lack of wisdom, reading in btw the lines. Lack of skills skills skills wont allow people be great. Lota and co, be around CNA, Na dem go beef pass. But take heed, and think outside the box, na problem LOL.

  54. Mawi

    October 18, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    It is only when it comes to issues relating to men that u find female readers fighting & embarrassing themselves on a blog. Do u see the men doing this? No. This senseless pettiness & lack of emotional maturity is why the men will keep being ahead. Bite me, I said it. You can never move forward without logical reasoning, unity & self control. I can only imagine the men reading all these comments & having a good laugh at the so called women who want to be seen as ‘equals’ with them.
    How can u, as a grown ass woman who wishes to be taken seriously come on a blog & spew hate at strangers simply because they hold different views? Neither Chimamanda nor this poster insulted anyone, yet as usual, u girls (not women) have turned it to a public market fight. loool…
    Good luck getting the respect u want guys. Seriously, good luck.

    • Hotspice_Yimu

      October 19, 2016 at 12:32 am

      My exact thought. No logical reasoning without insults

    • Proverbs31Woman

      October 19, 2016 at 2:36 am

      Bless you my dear, one day we will finally realize social constructs and labels keeps on dividing us! to each their own. The Lota babe is entitled to express her opinion without having all this backlash!

  55. Kina

    October 18, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    I love chimamandas books. They are easy to read narratives. Outside of her literary work she reminds me of the author Virginia Woolf. unlike Virginia CHIMA suffers from social constrain placed on her by her culture for this reason I feel she has a love hate relationship with her culture and comes out with some seriously contradictory stuff. . Virginia didn’t care about what society had to say about her, she Lived as she wanted. I hope one day Chima would come out of her closet. The world has accepted feminists there is acceptance for all kinds these days. Well except in Nigeria.

    • EE

      October 19, 2016 at 2:25 am

      Googled Ms Woolf. Born in 1882, died 1941.

      Women in the United Kingdom were given their voting rights in 1918. So for 36 years of her life, she lived in a country where she was denied a fundamental right to governmental participation.

      Yup, her culture had no social constraints at all. Nigeria ought to be like the 20th century United Kingdom.

  56. Chichi

    October 19, 2016 at 3:32 am

    Hehe! All this noise & agony because you want to “take your husband’s name”. Taking your husband’s name isn’t all life is about dear Lola. FYI, the word “Mrs” and culture of a woman taking her husband’s name was introduced to us by the Whites.

    There is no African culture where traditionally a woman’s name changed to to Mrs. X because she married Mr. X. Women and men’s names could change when they had a child but never cos of marriage. I guess all our great grandmothers who didn’t take their husbands named perished cos of it (sarcasm). African women should stop carrying marriage on their heads o haba!

  57. Chichi

    October 19, 2016 at 5:46 am

    Feminism is not about being submissive to your husband, neither does it say don’t be submissive to your husband. Feminism does not advocate not being married or not taking your husbands last name. Feminism as a movement and ideology advocates for gender equality, gender equality is providing women/girls the same social, economic, cultural and political opportunities that men have always had.
    Its a woman having the rights to aspire to the same professional level a man would, its a woman having the rights to her body and her sexuality, its a woman not being discriminated against just because she is a different sex, its a woman earning the same as a man would in that position, its a woman rights to education and above all its a woman having the same set of choices that a man has.
    The key word is CHOICE, its okay if you don’t identify as a feminist its okay if you do. Its okay if your aspirations are marriage and family and its also okay if they are not. As long as every woman has the inherent access to choose their path in life, this is what feminists advocate.

  58. Ify

    October 19, 2016 at 6:03 am

    When you read, read intelligently and objectively. Ask questions. These includes both the bible readers and chimamanda’s feminist views. She is not forcing her opinion on you all. You get to decide what you believe. Truth be told, some of us need to wake up already .

  59. ...just saying

    October 19, 2016 at 8:02 am

    Lota, shame on you for not being able to respond intelligently, analytically and rationally to the opposing comments on your article. You just lazily alluded to the but lickers.

  60. Ferrari

    October 19, 2016 at 8:09 am

    @Chekwube i just want to give you a big hug now and say thank you! you took the words right out of my mouth.

  61. Adaora

    October 19, 2016 at 8:48 am

    Feminism is for every body; white, black, green, EVERYONE. When we are fighting for wage gap, it’s for people of all colours to get the same pay if they’re on the same level and have the same experience. Feminism is fighting that example you gave of Hollywood.

  62. CHIBABY

    October 19, 2016 at 9:18 am

    I shudder when i read about feminists pushing the topic of feminism and convincing other women that its not okay to want a man or aspire to a happy marriage;
    All these feminists are all the while giving these talks and granting these interviews, with their wedding rings securely fastened upon their fingers; and with their very own children.
    Feminism was never supposed to be a war. It just started as women trying to get a seat at the table.
    Lets not make it what its not.

  63. Spanish

    October 19, 2016 at 11:21 am

    Hehehe, this girls no go kee mee with laughter o. Y’all are a whole bunch of Joke.

    1. You all don’t comment as much as this on other post. All these comments shows you all care so much about WE MEN in your life. I was wondering when the article was posted cos i checked BN yesterday. Having all these comments over night shows we occupy a large portion of your heart (You claim feminist or not)

    2. Chimamanda is a devil incarnate. Why did i say this? Anyone against the word of God is a devil. Genesis 3:16 says 6 To the woman he said, “Your desire will always be on your husband”. How can she say 20%? Even for a boyfriend, you spend time with him, how much more a husband? You can only spend 20% for your gate man/cook/driver. The person you sleep with on the same bed, that shares your bodily fluids, that you produce kids together….how can it be 20%?

    Does that mean you don’t call your husband at least 5 times before end of the day when you both are at work—there will always be many things to talk about…

    Lota, your desires are valid to want to marry. You are in the right course of creation. Any on

    3. BN girls are somehow dumb. Someone is married with an issue and advising you against it. why did she get married? Why is she still married? why cant she divorce? how did she give birth to her child if it is only 20% time she has for her husband? How did she get pregnant? She must have been making love to her husband…within that 20%?

    How dumb can you be following someone’s advice and she is doing contrary?

    4. Lota, seems you don’t know that majority of BN girls are people with the following xteristics
    a. The single and searching
    b. The single with a bitter experience who have been badly hurt (e.g hadiza)
    c. Those who cant go out into the dating scene, hiding behind their computers
    d. The beautiful with no suitors
    e. The married, experiencing issues in their marriage
    f. Foreign visitors
    g. In-country/ visitors
    h. The old ladies and already frustrated
    i. those who have wasted their youthful period and now regretting

    Expect them to bash you, it is allowed. You are a pretty young lady, if you are in Abuja, let’s go on a date.

    5. Ok now, the equality thingy.
    You are equal, yet
    a. the guy must be the one to call you
    b. the guy must be the one to do the chasing
    c. the guy must pay for all the bills when you go out–he is the guy
    d. the guy must buy you clothes, shoes, bag, phones…..he is the man (What does HE IS THE MAN even mean)
    e. the guy must take are of you (after all he is the man)
    f. the guy must propose to you
    d. the guy must marry you
    e. the guy must buy the wedding gown
    f. the guy must pay for the house
    g. the guy must pay for school fees
    h the guy must kill himself cos he married you

    6. Equality and Equity:

    Federal ,government pays its workers via IPPIS. You are paid based on the level you are irrespective of your gender. State, local governments and offices does this as well. You are not paid by looking at your gender–This is a man, pay him 80% and pay the woman 20%

    Universities and Schools take in students based on your score- not because you are a male or female

    Offices employ based on performance- infact you feminist have taken over cos there are more females than male in offices now

    Senators and House of rep members are paid same allowances not base don gender. When we talk about percentage representation, how many women are willing to go contest. You shy away from it.

    Does MTN/GLO.ETISALAT or whichever network you are using to read/type discriminate based on your gender? Say you are a lady, you are not allowed to access BN.

    Enough of this shit!

    • WarriChic

      October 20, 2016 at 6:16 am

      Please crawl back under 18th century rock from where you came from.

  64. John

    October 19, 2016 at 11:30 am

    I copied it from chineye bcos I want to add “best comment” after her comment but it did not show, it is not rocket science

  65. Chukwuemeka

    October 19, 2016 at 11:43 am

    I AM A MAN, Just stumble upon this article by chance,all I want to say in all the midst of all this feminist bla bla bla,
    is NNeoma are you on Facebook?
    What is your surname ?
    I HaveE BEEN SEARCHING FOR NNEOMA ON FACEBOOK bearing that your pretty pics in my mind but to no avail…pls,help a brother out?

  66. Chukwuemeka

    October 19, 2016 at 11:47 am

    I also love to add, ur brand of feminisn is my own type of feminism too,if you get my drift. I would like to know you more? I THINK I AM IN LOVE

  67. obiageli

    October 19, 2016 at 11:58 am

    Thanks kina, virginia woolf would have said to chima your feminism is not my feminism.

  68. What?

    October 19, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    @Person Is it feminism that will help Ese Oruru? Don’t be ridiculous. There are a lot of bad people in this world(Men and Women) who will do bad things. You are taking this too personal, I am making an assumption based on what you said. Una even form girls scout untop the matter dey laff because?

  69. spanish

    October 19, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    Hehehe, this girls no go kee mee with laughter o. Y’all are a whole bunch of Joke.

    1. You all don’t comment as much as this on other post. All these comments shows you all care so much about WE MEN in your life. I was wondering when the article was posted cos i checked BN yesterday. Having all these comments over night shows we occupy a large portion of your heart (You claim feminist or not)

    2. Chimamanda is a devil incarnate. Why did i say this? Anyone against the word of God is a devil. Genesis 3:16 says 6 To the woman he said, “Your desire will always be on your husband”. How can she say 20%? Even for a boyfriend, you spend time with him, how much more a husband? You can only spend 20% for your gate man/cook/driver. The person you sleep with on the same bed, that shares your bodily fluids, that you produce kids together….how can it be 20%?

    Does that mean you don’t call your husband at least 5 times before end of the day when you both are at work—there will always be many things to talk about…

    Lota, your desires are valid to want to marry. You are in the right course of creation. Any on

    3. BN girls are somehow dumb. Someone is married with an issue and advising you against it. why did she get married? Why is she still married? why cant she divorce? how did she give birth to her child if it is only 20% time she has for her husband? How did she get pregnant? She must have been making love to her husband…within that 20%?

    How dumb can you be following someone’s advice and she is doing contrary?

    4. Lota, seems you don’t know that majority of BN girls are people with the following xteristics
    a. The single and searching
    b. The single with a bitter experience who have been badly hurt (e.g Nahum, Person, hadiza…)
    c. Those who cant go out into the dating scene, hiding behind their computers
    d. The beautiful with no suitors
    e. The married, experiencing issues in their marriage
    f. Foreign visitors
    g. In-country/ visitors
    h. The old ladies and already frustrated
    i. those who have wasted their youthful period and now regretting

    Expect them to bash you, it is allowed. You are a pretty young lady, if you are in Abuja, let’s go on a date.

    5. Ok now, the equality thingy.
    You are equal, yet
    a. the guy must be the one to call you
    b. the guy must be the one to do the chasing
    c. the guy must pay for all the bills when you go out–he is the guy
    d. the guy must buy you clothes, shoes, bag, phones…..he is the man (What does HE IS THE MAN even mean)
    e. the guy must take are of you (after all he is the man)
    f. the guy must propose to you
    d. the guy must marry you
    e. the guy must buy the wedding gown
    f. the guy must pay for the house
    g. the guy must pay for school fees
    h the guy must kill himself cos he married you

    6. Equality and Equity:

    Federal ,government pays its workers via IPPIS. You are paid based on the level you are irrespective of your gender. State, local governments and offices does this as well. You are not paid by looking at your gender–This is a man, pay him 80% and pay the woman 20%

    Universities and Schools take in students based on your score- not because you are a male or female

    Offices employ based on performance- infact you feminist have taken over cos there are more females than male in offices now

    Senators and House of rep members are paid same allowances not base don gender. When we talk about percentage representation, how many women are willing to go contest. You shy away from it.

    Does MTN/GLO.ETISALAT or whichever network you are using to read/type discriminate based on your gender? Say you are a lady, you are not allowed to access BN.

    Enough of this shit!

    • Utterly confused

      November 26, 2016 at 12:08 am

      You are seriously delusional and just ignorant in every sense of the word. I did not react to any other comment on this post because they were mostly people putting down their own opinions (most of which I don’t agree with). But your comment just sounded extremely sexist, uninformed, and ridiculous. Please stop spouting your ignorant and biased thoughts out in public because you are the only joke on here.

  70. Tatertot

    October 19, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Lota: I must first congratulate you on getting this piece out. It must have taken you a while to put the article together, so I praise the effort.

    There are a few things that you should watch out for in your next piece to ensure that you have a solid argument. While this is an opinion piece, it is presented on a platform that allows people to debate it. A great writer has the opinions AND adequate, well-researched premises to back up those opinions.

    1) Know exactly what you’re arguing for or against. Or, you can present both sides and your struggles with them.
    2) Using a quote is great! But remember to read that quote in context, as well as other articles by the same author. In this way, if you decide to say Chimamanda’s feminism is extreme, you can present your readers with concrete evidence supporting that view.
    3) Ensure that your views are not contradictory to your thesis. What do I mean by this? I infer from your article that you believe that as a traditionalist, you should be allowed to aspire to marriage and a loving relationship. Your thesis (I think) is that Chimamanda’s feminism is so extreme that it does not allow for women to enjoy men or aspire to marriage. The contradiction here is that the very nature of feminism is to break down the single option. Feminism does not say go x route, don’t go y route. Feminism says x and y routes are available to you as a woman and human being, so choose where you want to go. While Chimamanda and other women may choose to interpret this choice however they like, the basic definition of feminism will always be available for you to use.
    4) Ask yourself how the other side would respond whenever you lay a premise, and see if you can give an answer to them.

    I promise you that these suggestions I have just given are not just for academic papers. I am also a writer and have to struggle with them everyday. Also be prepared for backlash and attacks. Many of the comments here seem to be attacking you rather than providing constructive feedback. I was also an ljc student (go Regis!) and several years above you. I liked you and your spunk then and I see that even now, the same spunk is manifest in your writing. This might have been a rough start, but don’t you dare give up. Just make sure you do your due diligence before your next piece. Good luck!

  71. Lota

    Lota Ofodile

    October 19, 2016 at 3:25 pm

    Thank you so much for this! It means a lot knowing you are a fellow LJC alumnus, given that a lot of the backlash I’ve received were from some LJC folks. I wish I knew who you were so I would thank you personally. But I am really truly grateful for this comment/piece of advice. Good luck as well in all your endeavors. God bless 🙂

  72. Amayanabo

    October 19, 2016 at 4:38 pm

    I think it’s safe to say that this article tilted towards anti feminism

  73. The real hadiza

    October 19, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    We women can’t even agree on a simple matter or even expect that we are all diffident in our opinion , how can we even agree on a matter as complex as this … Men will just be lol at us … Smh … Let’s just be HUMAN and respect everyone

    • T

      October 19, 2016 at 11:29 pm

      Y

  74. wow!

    October 20, 2016 at 2:08 am

    It’s amazing how angry girls can get at another girl! The heading of the article may have been a bit sarcastic but it’s not that serious abeg! I know we all love CNA ; but everyone is allowed to disagree with their hero once in a while are they not? All the personal backlash was totally unnecessary. Just goes on to prove the point of the whole write up; somd feminists end up eroding choice too! If I were the writer I would have no response for the “opposing team” as it was obvious most were not here for a discussion but to rant. It’s unfortunate too that you bring someone’s personal history and background online and begin to bash it just because you know it… I don’t get how the fact that she went to LJC became relevant. Some people really do remain bullies; no matter how much time has passed!

  75. Ayoola Mustapha

    October 20, 2016 at 2:25 am

    I totally and absolute agree with your views, because I for one aspire to marriage and to be able to live with my spouse, grow individually and collectively together. However, when u mentioned adoption of last name for the women, I am a Muslim and islamically, it is not obligated on a woman to change her last name, and as such under the sharia law, she is allowed to keep her last name if she wishes to. NICE WRITE UP………….

  76. xxx

    October 20, 2016 at 8:06 am

    i think this was a very nice article,lota. Much more realistic for the average girl out there. I just think this Chi s article could actually bring fissures in marriage. Most women ll now read this and start acting equal to their husbands and all…Well Chi s opinion isnt a solution to broken down families in fact it could escalate it..This is Adichie’s opinion ,some people may love it but only a minority of a minority would ever apply it.

  77. Toyosi

    October 20, 2016 at 6:45 pm

    Omg. Thank you so much for this. I could relate with every single word you wrote. From struggling with tagging myself a feminist (even though I stand for the same basic things traditional feminism stood for), to mostly keeping to myself except when I have to about this topic, to aspiring to both a beautiful career and a beautiful marriage, to being someone who really desires a family and wants her man to take more than 20% of her time and be the head of her home. Thank you for this!!! You’ve given those of us waiting to exhale hope that we are not the only ones thinking this way. Our opinion seems to be so unpopular these days.

  78. Ijeoma

    October 21, 2016 at 8:59 am

    Awesome piece!!!

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