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Efua Oyofo: Dating While Nigerian & Surviving December Dating Season

Efua Oyofo

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dreamstime_m_13602353As a Nigerian living and dating in Lagos for a while, I’ve had some interesting experiences. Recently I started a blog, Dating While Nigerian, which is aimed at celebrating the adventures of those who make the brave forays into the dating scene, no matter here they’re located (so far as they’re Nigerian, or in a relationship with a Nigerian).

Starting a relationship blog has been very rewarding – and during the time it’s been on, people have sent me a lot of interesting stories about their dating lives and perspectives.

This has led me to come up with a list of tips for surviving the dating scene, while being Nigerian – which I’d like to share with you all.

Have a great sense of humor
One of the stories I put up had a man go somewhere with his girl – and the waiter chose to “burn his cables” by asking for proof of the man’s age – yet not asking the woman from her own proof of age.  Why is this funny? Simply put, very few women want to feel like they are babysitting while they’re on a date.  Trust me on this!

Luckily both parties were able to laugh it off, and it wasn’t a real issue.  But imagine, people.  We know ourselves.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself
We spend a lot of time being harsh on ourselves.  Guess what: people aren’t nearly as harsh on us, as we are on ourselves.  There’s so much pressure:

  • Find a suitable boyfriend / husband before 25/30/35/40
  • Find a suitable girlfriend/ wife before 25/30/25/40
  • Decide which school waiting list to sign your children up for (before you propose)
  • Decide where you want to live
  • How you want to position yourself (modern man/woman; who will stay home and look after the children)
  • Decide if you’re okay with infidelity / polygamy / polyandry

Honestly though, give yourself a break. Sometimes just decide if you’re happy being with that person, or even if you want to sit through the entire entree or head home after the appetizer.  Don’t put too much pressure on your potential partner by being overly ambitious and not discerning about your target.

Be honest about what you want from the interaction
It’s okay to want a fling, and not be looking for something permanent. Really.
Curiously, people try to get “booed-up” during the end-of-year months; as such, it is important that we are honest about what we want. There are some people you meet, and you really just want a one-time encounters. Other times, you are looking for something more substantial. This leads me to the next point:

Know what you want
When you go into a restaurant, sometimes it’s cool to know what you want to eat; sometimes it’s cool not to know, and to be willing to try something new.  Whatever the case though, it’s important to have some sort of idea of what you want. Even if you don’t know the name of the dish, and you just know that you want chicken. This way, you don’t miss true opportunities to find your person.

Be open to new experiences
Not to say that, if you’re not comfortable going to, say – an eatery – you should feel like you’re not down-to-earth enough.  You should hold yourself open to new experiences, such as going to new / different places, or interacting with a new crowd.

Be yourself
Again.  Know what you want, who you are, and what’s important to you. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

Trust me, if these stories have taught me something – there is a lid for every pot. Someone out there is looking for exactly who you are, exactly as you are.

Photo Credit: Jason Stitt | Dreamstime.com

Beauty and curvy blogger, travel and experience lover, dedicated to promoting happiness and enjoying all of life’s wonders and inspirations.I write sometimes.Blogs:Dating While Nigerian - a collection of curated relationship stories about dating as Nigerians. www.datingwhilenigerian.comThe Beauty Project - A beauty and lifestyle columnist, celebrating beauty, from the inside and on the outside in all it's various forms. www.thebeautyproject.tvInstagram: @efuastar Twitter: @efuastar

30 Comments

  1. tee

    November 30, 2016 at 7:12 pm

    I no understand this your sense of humor storyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    • Tola

      December 1, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      Hmm. I’m with u! I read it again then I got what she was saying.

  2. chijioke

    November 30, 2016 at 7:31 pm

    [email protected] rili didn’t undrstand ooo..I think say na only me..anyways,a jst there write-up..

  3. A Real Nigerian

    November 30, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    “I write sometimes.”
    I think you should stop writing completely.

  4. CHEEK

    November 30, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Thought it was just me o.
    From the first line of “As a Nigerian living and dating in Lagos for a while”, i couldnt help but wonder when “dating in Lagos” sef became news.
    Aunty pls, concentrate less on Beauty and “curvy” blogging.
    I heard SkyeBank is hirirng

    • Linda Y

      December 1, 2016 at 11:17 am

      Go and work there, seems u need it in ur life

    • Nubby

      December 1, 2016 at 11:55 am

      *hiring

  5. Aisha

    December 1, 2016 at 8:19 am

    Abeg it’s not by force to write, didn’t under @ all, mtchew waste of mb

  6. Jojo

    December 1, 2016 at 10:49 am

    me i liked it sha

    not everytime stories about ppl enduring rubbish from men / spendin all your nairas on women that don’t want u

  7. That-I-May-Fly

    December 1, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Wow! Easy guys! It wasn’t so bad…Yes, I get your points and they’re all valid, but dang! Y’all can kill a girl’s spirit. Make una chill small. nah.

    • Efua Oyofo

      Efua Oyofo

      December 1, 2016 at 10:56 am

      Appreciate the more measured and civil feedback. Again most of the stories on the site are anonymous stories that women and men send in about their dating experiences. My spirit will continue to bounce happily :).

  8. Sadiq Okocha

    December 1, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    Awesome! Will be sure to hit you up if I have any stories worth telling!

    • francesca

      December 1, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      LOL Sadiq you haven’t had any serious relationship in the last 10 years or ever for that matter. Abeg go siddon for one side.

    • ZeeGoes

      December 1, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      lmao!!

    • Efua Oyofo

      December 2, 2016 at 9:30 am

      You sound like a fun girl – with a sense of humour 🙂

    • DWN

      December 1, 2016 at 4:05 pm

      Thanks so much Sadiq!!!

    • Efua Oyofo

      December 1, 2016 at 5:34 pm

      Thanks Sadiq!! That would be very much appreciated!

  9. ZULU

    December 1, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    You guys above need to chill. Has the age old saying that if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all. Why are most blogs out there, because they have something to say. If you don’t appreciate it, simply keep it moving. Instead of supporting our sister, you find it useful to tear her down, that’s on you. I myself simply adore them so keep writing baby.

    • DWN

      December 1, 2016 at 4:05 pm

      Thanks Zulu!

    • Efua Oyofo

      December 1, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      Thanks Zulu! I really appreciate your fair and balanced opinion.

  10. Dipword

    December 1, 2016 at 2:38 pm

    Wow…….some people are just determined to criticize others. It is funny when people who write in poor English grammar want to judge the free and honest writing of another person. Be positive or stay away.

  11. Mr Sims

    December 1, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    Had no problem with the article at all. For those who did, my advice is that you should expand your reading horizons. Read more than just gossip blogs (which Bella is not!) and you’ll find that a lot of people write in this mannner.

    From what I read, this is a lighthearted article encouraging Nigerians not to take life too seriously and put themselves under pressure, at least not more pressure than our society already places on us. We measure everything in this society by girlfriend/boyfriend and by marriage. If you don’t have a significant other, you’re a waste. If you have a significant other and you never marry, you’re a waste. If you have a spouse and you people never buy range rover and siddon for Ikoyi, you’re a waste.

    In short: DO YOU. Do what makes you happy. Don’t follow people to try and keep up with the Joneses when we know there are very many of you out there that are in unhappy relationships, simply because it would be ‘abhorrent’ to take your time and be single. If you are single, no problem, your own will come one day. Until then, enjoy the journey.

    • A Real Nigerian

      December 1, 2016 at 3:30 pm

      So you think because people criticised this means they don’t read other things outside of gossip blogs? LMAO!
      And if people write this way, does it automatically make it good or appealing? And what exactly is this way you’re on about? Because you didn’t have a problem with the article suddenly means you are more exposed than people who hated it? How petty. That reasoning goes to show that all the shyt you have been reading outside gossip blogs have had no influence on your quite shallow way of thinking.

    • Realer Nigerian

      December 1, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      Sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder.

      Stop trolling and work on something productive. If u no get work, your mates I hear skye bank is hiring.

    • Mirror

      December 1, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      Hmm I think he’s saying this because you sound very bitter, and your comments crossed over to nasty. You’re the only one attacking the writer, not the piece, which suggests you need to work on yourself.

    • Mr Sims

      December 5, 2016 at 9:56 am

      I think the other commenters have answered you well. From the get go you displayed a very closed mindset, and then when someone else called you (and the other people) out on it, you quickly got testy. And again, the fact that you assumed it was you directly, also means there’s a complex there, ie the aforementioned chip. And even on a statistical basis (if we cared to measure), the average blog-reading Nigerian tends towards the uninformed and the base, which is part of why we have issues dealing with each other in real life. The fact that I know of many of these blogs and the kinds of comments that people make on them should already tell you that my reading is far more diverse than you are trying to project, and you are projecting by the way.

  12. Single and Dating

    December 1, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    This piece was amazing! And so bold of you to write! Thanks – we need more people out there sharing these stories! At times its easy to think its just us, this helps us understand what others are going through.

  13. DWN

    December 1, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    Thank you!! ?

  14. Gidibysiders

    December 1, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    Any whoo…thanks for the 6 tips on December dating, i think it will go a long way to having fun this Christmas. I think from the comments your advice was spot on, some people need to develop a sense of humour

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