Connect with us

Features

Nkem Says: Dating a Nigerian Girl Without Breaking the Bank

Published

 on

I hate flying. It sucks…especially when it is for a long period of time or there is turbulence and you have to pretend you are not screaming “the blood of Jesus” in your head like a mad person. Some people can actually pull through the worst ‘airquake’ without cracking a sweat!

I met one of such people two days ago on my flight back to Lagos. I remember smiling nicely before sitting down next to him. I didn’t try to chat him up, as I know first hand that small talk is not for everyone. He seemed engrossed in his iPad, so I brought out a book to read. Everything was going smoothly until the turbulence started. In my mind, I was handling the turbulence situation with class and finesse, but the young man (who later introduced himself as Rodney) stretched out his hands and said: “holding hands help with the anxiety you know.” His demeanor was so calm, I felt deeply embarrassed. Somehow I had managed to disgrace my ancestors without even uttering a word. I just smiled and said: “Thanks, I’ll be fine”. He chuckled and replied: “It’s alright, I won’t bite, it’s not a ruse to get your number either. I don’t date Nigerian girls”

Number 1, how do you know I’m Nigerian? Two: who are you not to crave Nigerian girls (the most exquisite brand of girls on planet earth)? Three, who even wants a ‘shekeleke’ like you? Four: how dare you? I was torn between being an uptight bitch and telling him off; and being the curious cat who finds out why he would make such a comment. You can guess which I opted for.

Rodney, like most men around the world, had the impression that Nigerian girls were gold diggers so, dating them would lead to the financial suicide of any man. The funny thing was that he had not had any personal experience with Nigerian girls. His conclusions were based on hearsays and recounts from friends who have dated Nigerian girls. Of course, as a Nigerian girl, I gave him a few hard truths straight away.

I made him understand that having money is indeed one way to make a Nigerian woman (as well as any woman) feel good, but it certainly is not the only way to get them as there are a lot of guys who have plenty of money but can’t get a Nigerian girl to date them. Likewise, a number of hot Nigerian girls are dating broke guys who do not earn much or give them anything at the moment.

The problem is rooted in the fact that men refuse to believe there is more to the equation than cash. They screw up, and everything eventually falls to sh*t, because they rely on their money to get these Nigerian women to desire and stay in relationship them.

But…is there really a way to date a Nigerian girl without spending money?” Rodney insisted, after at least thirty minutes of trying to convince him that Nigerian girls are not gold diggers.
At this point I was already getting a little exasperated, so I decided to offer 4 practical tips on how to date a Nigerian girl without breaking the bank.

Be open and honest, make your intentions known
Nigerian girls are not monsters who are only out to get your cash. They have feelings, they have emotions and they recognize such terms as patience, commitment and compromise. They can understand. Sure when you meet her, you want to take her to a fancy restaurant and all, but as I like to say “don’t start with what you can’t maintain”.

Displaying a lot of wealth in an effort to attract her will definitely backfire –  unless you know how to do it in the correct and proper way. Truth be told, most guys don’t know how.

Let the lady know that your intention is to find real love, and not someone who wants to use you for your money. Discuss money with her and do not be afraid of looking cheap.

Be open and honest; this will even make her see that you are genuine and will make her feel like she has a measure of control…and trust me, most women will pick control over money.

Be creative
Traditional dating involves night outs: full-blown dinners, cocktails at ‘tush’ bars, the movies, music/comedy shows or the tiny little extras like stopping on the way home for cold stone ice cream and chicken wings. Even if you two are splitting the tab now and then, all that socializing can cause some serious damage to your wallet. Stay out of the traditional date bandwagon. Limit your night-outs and do more night-ins. Most of all, employ a measure of creativity when planning your outings.

The creativity will even hype the romance. For instance, rather than going to eat at The back yard, get the same menu and spend an evening cooking something together. It is cheaper. Go to Elegushi beach with a picnic basket and watch the sun set. There are so many things to do that would appeal to a Nigerian girl
without you having to spend money.

Also, creativity applies to gift-giving as well. There is the pressure to give at least four gifts: Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Anniversary and Christmas. That is at least 200k right there. The truth is, you don’t have to. She is not an unreasonable girl. She’s not standing there demanding you buy her diamond earrings or take her on an exotic trip each time. She just wants a present every once in a while. That’s fair.

You do not have to go overboard with the gifts either. Do something meaningful for her. You could get a radio station to call her in the morning, or surprise her in her office with an affordable cake from Cakes and Cream.
You could even take advantage of deals and coupons for affordable hotel staycations, wellness, and facial treatments, or even short lessons you can do together. Believe it or not, the thought is what counts.

Get her to pay for you
Sure, the men are already shaking your head and saying ‘NEVER!’. Too much ego, yes? Some women also are probably cursing me out too, because they hate to hear this kind of thing, but truth is, it works!

This is 2017; modern women thrive on their independence. Paying for dates or other things that may come up in the course of the relationship will not seem a big deal to her as it gives her a feeling of feeling of equality and balance. It validates her independence, and assures her that you are not trying to “buy” her affection. Yes, a Nigerian woman!

Let her pay if she offers to pay for something. Show vulnerability sometimes; ask her to handle certain bills that you cannot afford to. Please note that the manner and the frequency with which you ask also counts. You don’t want to come off as a leech.

Bottom line: love is not cheap…but it is possible to date a Nigerian girl without financial hassles. The secret lies in being sincere about your financial capabilities; more importantly…being creative. There’s nothing like creativity to stretch your Naira and the love.

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

39 Comments

  1. Nee

    July 8, 2017 at 1:16 am

    This one has come again with her fake stories.

    • Oyindee

      July 8, 2017 at 7:31 am

      You should take more sugary things maybe it can help with the bitterness in you…how can you call this story fake??? And what if, she writes really well, just appreciate the piece and move on

  2. NEE is a fool

    July 8, 2017 at 1:30 am

    @Nee must you be such a bitter fool.. If you have nothing to say please move on. You dont hv to make a comment. If they are fake, dont read and comment. Stop being a brainless busybody.

    • Nee

      July 8, 2017 at 10:40 am

      You don’t have to make a comment either but yet here you are ranting meaninglessly. Stay mad.

  3. Ann

    July 8, 2017 at 2:13 am

    why do you think her stories are fake?? do you live with her?? yet you clicked on the link..
    mtchew abeg ”goan” sleep

    • Nee

      July 8, 2017 at 10:41 am

      Shut up.

  4. Ashergenesiis.

    July 8, 2017 at 2:49 am

    A very well written piece.. Nkem has been up and about this past week (educated guess from her Instagram page) so personally, for me, there’s little to no reason not to believe the incidence on the plane. I would say this however – I’m in my early 30s and right from when I was conscious enough to know that babies don’t fall from the sky, I’d always reasoned it impossible to for a guy to date a Nigerian lady (especially in Lagos) with his lean pocket.. I don’t just see it happening.. Maybe I’d rather be cynical and safe in this belief than break out, be optimistic and still be disappointed. The fact still remains that if you don’t have money in this Lagos – You can’t date a girl and sleep with your two eyes closed.

    Ofcourse there’s an exception to every rule and sweepinig generalization,- I believe a major part of Nkem’s article speaks for the ladies in this “exception catgegory”. But the question remaiins- Is this category weighty enough to tip the scale in favour of what this article suggests? – Are there really more understandiing (willing to manage with a guy of lean means ) ladies out there in this Lagos..You that you are typing now, hurringly wanting to prove me wrong….Can you date a guy that earns 40k?

    • Reply

      July 8, 2017 at 8:35 am

      I am married to someone who currently earns that and earned less when we were dating. I earn way more. And we are fine.

    • Jay

      July 8, 2017 at 10:05 am

      Totally agree with you here. This is more of the exception than the rule. Even if you are financially okay and try to pull some sort of “coming to America” stunt, you will get the ” you are stingy” line. In my frank opinion, dating is now expensive but necessary.

    • Breezie

      July 8, 2017 at 11:36 am

      Yes there are girls that will date guys like you but the question remains, do guys like you go after those girls or do you go after the ones that you know you have no business mingling with?

    • Breezie

      July 8, 2017 at 11:43 am

      Also, since you’re looking for girls “understanding and willing to date a guy with a lean pocket”, can we also expect you to be “understanding and willing” to date a girl who is not conventionally beautiful or who has a figure that is not generally appreciated? You guys always expect women to settle for ain’t sh*t men but you want the creme of the crop for yourselves. If you guys can lower your standards the same way you expect us to lower ours, then maybe we wouldn’t have to have this conversation.

    • FasholasLover

      July 8, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      If a guy earns N40k, he should not be looking to date a girl who earns twice as much. Otherwise, she’ll end up footing most of the bill and yet he wants to be boss? Naah, it ain’t gonna work. There are loads of girls, very decent girls who earn N40k and below. He should look in that direction. Thou shall not be unequally yoked. Like most of us, Nkem does get it wrong at times with outlandish stories, I however, think this is a good post.

    • Nana

      July 8, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Date according to ur pocket, loool

    • Nguyi

      July 11, 2017 at 11:54 am

      This is just laughable “‘ as there are a lot of guys who have plenty of money but can’t get a Nigerian girl to date them”‘

      @FasholasLover experience actually says that this unequally yoking happens the other way around – The girl who earns 40k wants to live like she earns N500k on a man’s pocket.

  5. Mikeolysis

    July 8, 2017 at 4:42 am

    Why do yall always tackle Nkem. Shes still one of the best writers here with great content. Whenever you see Nkem, you rush and read, then aftetwards type rubbish liker her stories are fake! Even if they are, you have to still admire a girl with such imagination. Dear Nkem, please keep at it. We love you.

  6. Jo!

    July 8, 2017 at 5:53 am

    Don’t “get me to pay” o, please. Red flags start ringing in my head when a guy is actively trying to make me pay for stuff.
    However, when I offer, please let me pay. WHEN I OFFER

    • Oyindee

      July 8, 2017 at 7:28 am

      Sound it pls,,,emphasis on ‘when I offer’ o

    • Mawi

      July 8, 2017 at 12:23 pm

      So apt!

  7. Victor Paul

    July 8, 2017 at 6:26 am

    Well said though!!!

  8. AceOfSpades

    July 8, 2017 at 8:16 am

    If you didn’t mention his name’s Rodney, I’d have thought that was Neil Struass you just met. He ‘negged’ you and you fell completely for it and it had the exact effect he said it would have on ladies.

    Let me give you some pointers. Was he wearing a chain? A cap? Specs? Holding a book? If non of this, then I think that iPad would have been his ‘tool’ in case that ‘I don’t date Nigerian girls’ line backfired.

    Did he eventually get your number? If he did Nkem dear (even if you asked for it yourself), you are in a game and you are a target.

    • Grace

      July 8, 2017 at 10:02 am

      Your head dey there. I don’t date Nigerian girls my foot. That’s how he’ll start making you feel different/special etc.

      Ladies, if a guy meets you and starts forming you’re different, not like other girls, bla bla Issa wash something.

      A sincere guy will be more interested in trying to know you for who you are. Besides that you’re not like others is a subtle way of putting women against each other and that’s a sign of an insecure man

    • Boss lady

      July 10, 2017 at 11:09 am

      OUCH!

  9. Nero

    July 8, 2017 at 8:57 am

    I don’t get how this article helps a guy save some money trying to date his naija woman. Your rough estimate on gifts alone is 200k which all the naija girls would rather note and ignore the part where you said it’s not a rule even when some people are even struggling to pay as rent. If you adviced that we can enter balogun market together and get some good stuff..It should make more sense

  10. Naomi

    July 8, 2017 at 9:35 am

    Lol…abeg gold digging is a universal phenomena not restricted to naija girls. Im a nigerian girl and its not expensive to date me. I like nice things but i know i can afford them myself. Finances and how you handle them are important and one of the most contentious points among couples but if you ever feel like youre being used…for your money affection connections by a significant other then its up to you to shine your eyes and get out!

  11. Naomi

    July 8, 2017 at 9:37 am

    Abeg keep telling your stories Nkem and forget the Nees of this world. #teamnkem

  12. Raffy

    July 8, 2017 at 11:06 am

    well written piece…it is not everytime that money needs to be involved to make your Nigerian girl happy.

    • OJ

      July 8, 2017 at 11:59 am

      Alhaja, the amount of money and materials lavished on naija girls is directly proportional to the love they have conviniently defined in their heads

  13. The Real Oma

    July 8, 2017 at 11:21 am

    Nkem, I like your articles, even if I don’t agree with everything.
    For those accusing her of making up stories, so what? Who says articles on here have to br based on true life stories?
    Even your Pastors in Church formulate stories to put their points across and they don’t tell you it’s ‘fabu’ at the end.
    Well done o jare Nkem.

  14. U

    July 8, 2017 at 12:58 pm

    Why would he assume we are gold diggers without a personal experience of such? Smh

  15. Asa

    July 8, 2017 at 1:23 pm

    I am here for Nkem today. Everytime everyone is saying she writes fake stories. How una take know? She writes relatable stories on relationships and I’ve never felt anyone was fake. E do una with all the screams of fake, fake, fake. I like Nkem articles abeg I don’t agree all the time but I like them still.

    Now to this article, it’s over if you ever ask me to pay for a date and I mean over. I plan my resources very well and I have a conscience, if I see you’ve spent plenty, I will chip in but no be make you ask me with your mouth to pay. I no go pay! It’s from the abundance of my heart that I will pay not by your request. If we can’t afford to go anywhere make we stroll for neighbourhood. No dey plan hangout with my money.

    • Prawn

      July 8, 2017 at 4:20 pm

      Maybe it’s relatable to you because you’re fake as well.

  16. Dave

    July 8, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    A Nigerian woman is only happy in a relationship when the man is doing all the spending. Once the spending stops so does the relationship.

    I know someone whose entire male family members except for one married South Africans. When I asked why, he said the Nigerian woman is not understanding. He recounted his bad experience with Nigerian women after finishing uni with no job forthcoming. Even the one he had walked away saying her family needed money. The same person is a college professor today and married to a South African. He said, the women in South Sfrica are different. They are not only interested in where you are today but where you are going, as long as you have a vision and working towards it. And it is not exclusive to men who are studying to be doctors or engineers, something Nigerian women prefer.

    Nkem, I’m sorry to say it is not possible to date a Nigerian woman without money no matter the vision you may have for yourself. They only want a man who is already comfortable financially even when they are not. Majority of Nigerian women cannot see beyond today.

    There is a Chinese proverb that says “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. Unfortunately, our women don’t believe in it.

    • Miss Analytical

      July 11, 2017 at 8:56 am

      Dear Dave it is not true.You simply cannot make such sweeping assumptions.Of course there are materialistic women just as there are materialistic men.It doesn’t mean EVERY NIGERIAN WOMAN is like that.We’ve been reading tons of horror stories about men who are violent and chronic cheaters in the last month..Are all Nigerian men wired that way?Of course not..

  17. Adaure Njoku

    July 8, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Amazing piece Nkem. People really shouldn’t jump into conclusions about Nigerians girls because the metal a few bad eggs. Nicely written

  18. Chisom Owoseni

    July 8, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    Wel done girl, for the insightful steps to dating naija girls; I hope guys out there learn from this.

  19. Nunulicious

    July 8, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    Nigerian girls in this context refers to Lagos (specifically vi/ikoyi/lekki) Abuja and Port-harcourt girls, the I just-came-back, instagram and i-woke-up-like-this babes. Those are not a representative sampling of Nigerian girls.

  20. Miss Analytical

    July 10, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    To be fair you can’t make a generalizations about ladies and finances…Most times when you show real care, love and loyalty.;girlfriend will jump through hoops for you..Besides certain gentlemen feel inadequate if they aren’t baptizing a lady with financial rewards.I’ll give an example:My Boo pays for lunch..I thought it only fair to give him a treat every now and then,so a couple of times I’ve paid when we went on a date. Brother-man told me straight up I was embarrassing him and clearly did not like it Another time I did it he accused me of trying to form “independent woman”. To say I was befuddled is putting it mildly. What’s wrong with giving your love a lil treat now and then?Perhaps it’s a case of a man “needing to feel needed”? as T.D.Jakes put it?

  21. Johnspeak

    July 10, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    Hmmmmmm
    Let me just Sidon and be reading

  22. Halle

    August 23, 2017 at 11:18 am

    I am low-key having a rethink sef…
    Have always been the independent woman, buy my own stuff, pay my own expenses kinda girl
    Let me have fun sef with someone else money for once 🙂
    hahaha

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa
Sign up on Netflix
Advertisement

Star Features

css.php