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Nkem Says:  Too Old to Go Clubbing! Says Who?

Nkem Ndem

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I have never understood why people, willingly, dress up in the middle of the night and risk the horrors of the street just to go squash themselves in a poorly ventilated space with noisy, sweaty strangers who are farting 80% of the time and masking the odour with heavy smoking. Perhaps it would be fun if they could even converse with these people invading their personal spaces, but the ear-splitting sounds from the speakers are a hindrance, and in fact, can lead to death by brain aneurysm. You keep shouting, but the person can’t hear you, then your throat starts to hurt…but you don’t have the mind to buy a glass of water as every drink, including bottled water, is ridiculously over-priced. It does not help that you have to stand up the whole time and there is no food whatsoever, not even small puff-puff.

Last night, a couple of girlfriends and I went to Crossroads at Eko Hotel for drinks. From there, we decided to head to Cubana, a club in Victoria Island. I had been to Cubana in Abuja years ago and was basically just curious to see what the Lagos branch was like. Normally, I wouldn’t even go to a club at all, but I was focused on having a good time with friends.
First, we had to queue to drive into the venue, then stand at the side to make sure the valet wouldn’t mess up the car while parking . Then we were ushered to the VIP section where we waited about 10 minutes before the ushers with their glow lamps brought the champagne and Henessey.

There were so many people there: all packed in very close together, in constant motion. I got the chance to sit on one of the cushions;  barely two minutes after sitting, the guy trying to butt-grind a very bootylicious girl right next to me, while holding his champagne flute, spilled some of the contents on me. Surprisingly, the splash felt rather refreshing, as I was already drowning in so much sweat and I was already contemplating taking of my bra to fan myself and occasionally dab my forehead.

I looked around. My eyes caught someone and her daddy, prancing about on the floor. The dude looked about 50 or more. He just did not blend in. At first, I imagined he was just a sweet dad sharing her daughter’s first club experience with her, but then he grabbed her butt, and buried his face in her heaving bosom. Hian. I looked around some more and it was clear that most of the older people around were frowning, rather than smiling. They looked like they were bidding time. The younger ones where the ones having fun.

Next, my eyes caught a dude watching me. It was clear he had been regarding me for a while, trying to catch my attention. Perhaps, because it was too loud to hear what anyone was saying, he chose to communicate his desire, to maybe be with me, with creepy dance moves. This dude was a full-blown adult, not younger than 30, still acting like a pervy child, all because he was in a club. Of course, I ignored him.

After about three hours of just sitting in my own little corner, absorbing the fluorescent fractals lighting up the room while observing the people and asking myself: “WTF are you really doing here Nkem?” I came up with certain conclusions: One, you can actually appear to be a great dancer if you danced sitting down in a club ; two, you will never enjoy the club if you are a music lover, as none of the songs are ever played to the end, and if they are, it’s the weird version; and lastly, but most important, stay away from the club if you are over 28 because it is no longer for you!

While I can understand why a teenager or someone in their early  or mid twenties could argue that  clubbing is a fun thing to do, and I also understand that everyone should be able to shake off the stresses and strains of the working week at a nightclub no matter what their age, it “behooves” me to see adults in their 30s and 40s surrounded by teenagers and twenty somethings in clubs. I believe that the moment you are past the age of 28, you should take your dancing shoes off and calm the f*** down. At that point, you should have better standards and insight, enough to know that the clubs generally see their customers as cash cows and you have better things to do with money and your time.

Drop the Peter Pan syndrome. Stop depriving yourself of sleep and competing with the younger ones in the bid to hold on to your youth. Move on with your life! This is not to say that at 28 and over you should not have a night life. No. Instead of going to club, go to a lounge or a bar. These options usually have cheaper drinks, and you can drink them while sitting down with your friends, actually hearing what your friends are saying.  And if you are that type who just likes loud music and a crowd, you can invite friends over to your house for a house party. House parties are better than clubs in every single way: you can choose the music, you can buy cheap drinks, you can have soft seating, you can have food and you can go to your room and sleep when sleep starts to call.

What is your opinion? Do you also believe that everyone 28 years and over throw in the towel and ditch clubbing?

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

33 Comments

  1. Babym

    July 30, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    Loool I totally agree! I knew I had to give up clubbing when I went to the club and dozed off after 45 mins of being there ? then another time hubby and I planned to go clubbing in London, we got Mumsi to babysit, booked hotel so we didn’t need to drive home late, I sha suggested let us rest small in the hotel b4 club starts, before we knew it Morning don reach ???! Once you would rather sleep than go clubbing then it’s time to give it up lol.

    • Lola

      July 30, 2018 at 12:51 pm

      Topic for nonbelievers of christ

  2. Puzzles

    July 30, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    I don’t understand why anyone will go clubbing in the first place from dusk to dawn because I like my sleep too much. Heheheehe

  3. James

    July 30, 2018 at 1:01 pm

    I feel like she is right in so many ways but maybe 30 could be a stopping point for clubbing

  4. Oloye

    July 30, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Awon eleyi wan ti e’ja! If it makes you happy, just do it!

  5. jums

    July 30, 2018 at 2:07 pm

    I’m guessing she hasn’t heard about SNF – Saturday Night Fever. It’s clubbing for grown folks, held once a month.?

  6. iyke

    July 30, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    Nkem, you really have a thing with AGE! You seem to have your life/part all figured out and how things should perfectly be designed. lol.
    What a child!!
    Quick question, if you weren’t told how old are, how old do you think you would be?
    And to answer your question, if after 28 you are too old to go to a night club, you should also be too old to go back to school and too old to join a gym/exercise.
    Fair enough?
    So you think Night club biz is run b’cus of folks your age? lol
    What a child!

    • Californiabawlar

      July 30, 2018 at 3:22 pm

      Ahn ahn Oga Iyke…what exactly is going on with you? You seem extra cranky ? MzSA come and collect your bae biko! ??
      Dang! I wish we could tag ??

    • Iyke

      July 30, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      ????…She (MzSA) DUMPED me that’s why ?

    • See

      July 30, 2018 at 6:33 pm

      Just curious, is this the same Iyke that used to comment in rap and rhymes some years ago on BN?

    • Iyke

      July 30, 2018 at 7:11 pm

      They couldn’t comprehend me ? They said I was too deep and professorial!?
      That was the days of smart and stimulating conversations on Bella Naija…the days of Atoke monday banters and Isio de la vum vum….

    • whocares

      July 31, 2018 at 2:55 pm

      lmaoooooooooooooo. you are just so very peppered. I don’t even know why i find it hilarious. Usually your comments are much more calmer. lmaooooo. Wait talk true, do you know Nkem from somewhere? Talk to aunty whocares, heck if you play your card right, I WILL find Ms. SA for you… I am very good at this stalking err researching business.

    • tunmi

      July 31, 2018 at 6:38 pm

      yeah I’m with Iyke.

      I can’t do it the same way I can’t do makeup but I’m not about to interrupt someone’s fun

    • Mikky

      September 13, 2018 at 10:57 pm

      You couldn’t be more apt.

  7. Adeleke

    July 30, 2018 at 4:04 pm

    Sorry o, but an off-the-cuff question? Can a Christian husband and wife go clubbing together? Here’s my rationale before y’all jump on the question like wet paint. You know how our churches these days say to live holy, and not pollute your spirit yh, meaning as a Christian, you cannot drink, smoke, womanize or even avoid so called ‘wordly’ parties yh, so as a husband o that wants to keep the fire and desire burning in my marriage, can I take my wife clubbing? serious answers please

    • Star

      July 30, 2018 at 4:59 pm

      Adeleke please its disastrous to ask the world for advice, you will be misled ohhh. Christianity is not a religion like poeple think, its a lifestyle. Am sure you’ve heard of SANCTIFICATION? You should know you are living a different lifestyle now however,unlike somemthink its boring but its not. Be creative and innovative in your marriage,you could organise a party between you and other christian cheerful couples
      2. You could take your wife out to watch a movie and steal a kiss inbetween she would love it.
      3. You could organise a suprise scented candle dinner for yourselves
      4. You could plan a picnic wearing your knee level shorts and her a nice flowing floral gown with your favourite snacks and cocktails and wrap it up with love making in your car. (She is your wife and God doesn’t restrict the place for love making)
      5. You could plan to stay at home all day, no children around and just watch movies ( BLACKISH) and make sweet love all day long
      6 you could cook or bake together, i mean TOGETHER as she washes the dishes your hands are together with hers as you are behind her while you say discuss sth that will make you both laugh Or you could choose a song to sing, her favourite etc
      Just trust God but i would advise do not result to ponography movies or the likes because its not inspired by God i trust God you will be singing a new song at the end of it all, enjoy ojare.

    • ProudNigerian

      July 30, 2018 at 5:57 pm

      Clubbing? Does it glorify God? I am not saying I am perfect but white i’s white and black is black no “inbetweens”. It does not glorify God.

    • Kosi

      July 30, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      No you can’t, unless you’re the kind of Christian who listens to vulgar secular music which will make me wonder what kind of christian you are. Watch a romantic movie together, go out on a date But please don’t go clubbing. Its not a conducive environment for The Holy Spirit who lives in you.

    • Cocoa

      July 31, 2018 at 1:08 pm

      Just so overjoyed in my spirit to see children of God SPEAKING UP AGAINST THE LIES OF THE WORLD.

      The club aka ‘House of Lust and devil worshippers’ is no place for one who knows that a HOLY lamb was slain for him or her. Like kosi said..if indeed you have the HOLY SPIRIT in you ..you will be highly unsettled being in such an enviroment

      Club isnt the only unholy place. Ive had to leave WEDDINGS before because they were bascially worshipping the devil…and when youre wise and indeed Spirit filled …you have ZERO TOLERANCE.
      Psalm 1:1

      Ps.:- Dont be at the wrong place at any time.

    • Babym

      July 30, 2018 at 7:34 pm

      My brother you are asking a very valid question o. Before the kids came hubby and I used to go clubbing more often o and then we will march ourselves to church on Sunday and in our minds we had done no wrong lol. I guess if you feel conflicted then maybe not. Perhaps a nice bar will feel less seedy and even more intimate than to be dragging dance floor with the youngings lol.

  8. Lachibelle

    July 30, 2018 at 4:43 pm

    I totally agree.this on here is story of my life but I started feeling this way since I turned 25

  9. stoutlady

    July 30, 2018 at 6:18 pm

    Nkem I did not like this article. It failed to consider other angles. I am a 31 plus year old lady, a professional with a good job, live on my own, very spiritual but I love going clubbing and can go out every single weekend. To some people including myself this is a lot sometimes but I enjoy it and I make no apologies. That’s the thing about life, stay true to yourself and own your stuff. This article dare I say, shamed those who go clubbing.

    1.Now I like clubbing and go so often because I was very repressed when younger, had self-esteem issues so never felt comfortable in a club. I always felt like a loser. Then I moved back home and living at home does not allow for free and steady movement. One day something snapped and I resolved I’d care less about what other people think and more about what makes me happy. I like dancing. I am quite good at it, but even if I wasn’t who cares. It makes me happy.
    2. When I go out apart from uber money which isn’t much because I stay in a central place, I usually limit myself to a drink and if I want a buzz I make sure its a strong one which keeps me from drinking more because I know my limits.
    3. I go to dance and to de-stress. My surroundings are irrelevant (although I agree sometimes the clubs get overwhelmingly packed, I don’t like that either). If I wanted to talk I’d go to a restaurant, if I wanted to watch a movie I’d go to a cinema. My point here is that for me (not speaking for any other person) going to clubs is to dance. On occasion, to network (as not everyone in the club is crazy, weird or up to no good. Case in point- myself. the same way I wouldn’t like to be judged in a club is the same way I don’t judge other club regulars I encounter).
    4. You went to a club known for its high percentage of a really older crowd. Cubana like a few other clubs generally caters to a more matured crowd. I would not have expected any less.

    Everyone is at a different stage in life. This comment was just too judgmental ‘Drop the Peter Pan syndrome. Stop depriving yourself of sleep and competing with the younger ones in the bid to hold on to your youth. Move on with your life! ‘. I am not trying to hold unto my youth, I look 6 years younger so no need to. I am just trying to enjoy MY life. I make sure I eat well, drink lots of water and take care of my body so that whatever excesses I indulge in do not haunt me later. Please have a more balanced perspective next time. It’s only right and fair.

  10. See

    July 30, 2018 at 6:38 pm

    Funny article. Some ‘old’ folk need to step down too o! Like the daddy on the dance floor pressing boobs and butt. Hahaha!. It’s all good, as far as you aren’t my daddy or husband, club away, not my business.

    But seriously, I went clubbing a few times when I was maybe 19 or 20 after which I concluded that sleep was definitely better than smoke, loud music and sweaty bodies.

  11. jah rule

    July 30, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    is there a place in Lagos where 40s and over can unwind without bumping into their children age mates??

  12. Jay

    July 30, 2018 at 10:13 pm

    I think what I don’t like is the tone of the write up, it sounds too uppity, constipated and too self conscious. It also comes across as someone who see themselves through people’s eyes and think that people bother with what people like her think about them. Fine you don’t like clubbing, stay out of the clubs, don’t go being age conscious and putting a damper on someone else’s definition of fun.

    I used to feel the way she’s feeling about clubbing until I started dating my now fiance. I made sure to only go to private places because I have come to the age where crowd and noise is no longer my idea of a night out. My fiance on the other hand is a fun loving individual and it’s his idea of a night out.

    At first, he felt I was hiding from my other boyfriends or that I wasn’t proud of him but I convinced him that it’s so we could talk and know each other better that if we were to go to noisy places, we wouldn’t have much conversation and even if we do, we’ll be shouting in each others’ ear or he could meet a friend and they’ll start conversing and he’ll forget I’m there. Well he had to adjust to what I like. Now he prefers our quiet places and whenever we go to a rowdy place, he becomes uneasy. However, he likes going clubbing, I on the other hand feel too old just like nkem to club. One day we went for karaoke and immediately after club came to full swing. Long story short, I was on my phone throughout and he was just standing by my side, he didn’t complain or anything but I observed the next day that my love that always pours my drink and always holds me when we are out wasn’t doing any of that so after much asking, he finally told me why he was acting up, that I made him feel like he wasn’t important. I tried to explain to him that I feel too old to club but he was like he had adjusted to my way of life but I didn’t even try to make an effort needless to say, I felt really bad.

    so my birthday came around and after wowing me on my birthday, he suggested we go clubbing and I agreed to it. I had to force myself to loosen up, I took my drink and I danced so much without a care in the world and he was happy to see a different side of me. After then, I finally realized I had been hampering myself and what I think about age putting a limit to what I should be doing is just wrong. Yes I’m older and given up my dancing shoes but then who cares?

    so nkem, I understand the way you feel but understand that people have a different yardstick for measuring what fun night out should be. Don’t generalize the age thing because not everyone is you. What people do in clubs makes them happy so leave them be.

    Oh and I hate entertaining people in my home, I’d rather spend the money on them outside than have to clean up afterwards.

  13. frank

    July 31, 2018 at 5:03 am

    Reminds me of how my wife & I came back to the US after having our traditional wedding in Nigeria, decided to go clubbing the weekend we came back. That was the beginning and end of clubbing for us. Took us 2-3 days to recover.

  14. Brizola

    July 31, 2018 at 7:33 am

    Y’all should rest. I am 28 and I love clubbing , not much as I used to but I love it. The loud music, the alcohol, the drunk people dancing. I just love to sit and watch people lose guard. There’s no age limit to these things please! Do as you like when you please. Atoke speak for yourself, if you have an issue with clubbing it’s because you always have not because you turned 28 and suddenly feel old. Liv Miami remains my favourite.

    • ha!

      July 31, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      Ahan, e jowo, e sanu aje. Nor be Atoke talk this one na. lool. Thainz

    • Atoke

      Atoke

      July 31, 2018 at 4:15 pm

      LOlll I was just here perplexed… What’s this got to do with me?

  15. Hashva

    July 31, 2018 at 11:18 am

    oh my!!! I went to the club with my hubby once (cos he is a club junkie) and i can totally relate with you Nkem….I kept wondering what I was doing there, so not my scene…thank goodness i can read a novel anywhere (i pulled out my phone, perched at a corner on the seat and read away). Hubby just kept laughing at me….Suffice to say i am not enthusiastic to repeat the experience; I think I rather sleep mehn. lol

  16. ha!

    July 31, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    lmaooo. Nkem is such a downer!! lmaoo. Although to be fair to you, as i age, my idea of fun times isn’t immediately club; however, should I chose to go, i have the best time. The way I see it, if you are anywhere and no one forced you to go, immerse yourself in the experience and try to have fun.. unless the music is terrible, and the people are terrible and its just bad ambience, then leave. no need staying and suffering. If it isn’t and your sole concern is “age”.. well, that is a shame. I have only been to a club twice or thrice this year, but every time i chose to go, i have- the,best.time!! Although, I am 4 years older than my bf, but when i get down, it is on!! we went to some music festival the other day and he was shocked to see me letting go soo much in daylight and just having my best life. i have passed the “i need alcohol to have fun stage” and all that nonsense.. so me, i can’t even hear small music like this, i will start swaying without care (i am somewhat shameless. lool.) point is, he is younger, but he doesn’t find it as easy to let loose. He is happy to go clubbing, if it will be a good night, but it need not be all the time and that’s my policy too. Age is relative. live, enjoy your life, do what makes you happy. if clubbing aint it, that’s ok, but don’t use age as a criteria to judge other people or limit etc..

  17. Eseosa

    July 31, 2018 at 3:05 pm

    I couldn’t agree more. Club? Immediate headache. I prefer bars and lounges where you can actually hear what the other person is saying. I can’t go and kill myself because people think clubbing is fun meanwhile at this age, I find it so tiring. Like I can’t even understand why anyone goes to a club. Lololololololololol. And I was a rockstar in my younger years o.

  18. Ezinne

    July 31, 2018 at 3:52 pm

    I have always hated clubs.I just see them as a den where demons just chill out and look for who to go home with. I dont get why pregnant women club.There are other ways to hang out and have fun.

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