Atoke: Because I Love You! Here Are a Few Safety Tips for the Turn Up Season…

Over the past weekend, I was doing my favourite thing in the world – aproko  browsing through the streets of Instagram and something sparkly caught my eye. It was a glitzy party with couple dancing against a backdrop of bright fire sparklers. Really pretty, sight! However, the more I looked, the more I thought of the fire hazards that came with having those sparklers indoors. I looked at more pictures from the party, and quickly glanced for the fire exits.

You see, I’m paranoid about fire. Like, I see a fire hazard somewhere and I’m already mentally looking for how to escape. This paranoia comes from having my brother die from a generator explosion in Lagos. The apartment was a regular Lagos one with one exit – and the generators were under the staircase at the entrance (that doubled as the exit) to the building. Now, since the fire started from under there, and there was no alternative exit, the family had to be evacuated through the windows (with burglary-proof well cemented into the walls.) You can understand why fire hazards are not a joke for me. I’ve seen its effect – live, in action.

Because the emotional trauma of losing someone you love, to such a horrific and avoidable death, I have decided to come and preach the gospel of SAFETY once again. (Remember, I did it before! But this is my ministry, so I will continue to preach it)

As we approach turn up season, here are a few quick tips I’d like to remind you guys. I hope you read, share and practice. I may not have all of them outlined, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

Crowded spaces & Fire Exits
Seeing as this is what gave rise to this article, I’ll start from here. Guys, please, please, please, let us be conscious of crowded spaces. There are so many concerts and parties lined up this holiday season. We want to enjoy them all, but we need to also do so with care. If you’re going to an event that there’s going to be a high census, look for the nearest exit immediately you get to the venue. If anything goes wrong, be prepared to make a beeline to the exit closest to you. There will probably be a stampede – that arises from panic, stay calm and remove yourself from danger (without causing harm to another person) Keep your belongings close to you, don’t leave your phone carelessly. Be aware of your environment. At the risk of sounding like a Debbie Downer, bad people are everywhere. Don’t leave your drinks unattended to. Don’t be careless with your purses (and your chargers! High commodity sturvz)
As the host or organiser of a party, please ensure that fire exits are not blocked with boxes and speakers and all whatnot. Usually, we’re just looking for where to dump load and we see fire exits as ‘nobody is kuku using these door. Drop those boxes there’ Mba! Keep all exits and stairways CLEAR. Event venue owners should ensure that fire exits are left open. I will never understand why people lock doors that should be meant for fire escape. When there’s an emergency, we will now be looking for the manager who has the key, and has gone to his village in Isanlu-Isin. Please, don’t lock the fire exit doors. Ensure vendors are not overloading the electrical mains. You’ll go to some parties and see 7 high wattage items on one small 13 amp socket. Then, you’ll now see one small thin wired power extension snaking out of there with 50 phone chargers!

Repeat after me…FIRE HAZARD! DO NOT!

Also, if you’re getting vendors who will use incendiary devices indoors, please ensure that there is no inflammable material nearby. Hair, rubber, paper… If you absolutely must have fire sparklers at your party, ensure that there’s provision for emergency evacuation. Some people may have light sensitivity issues, or even bronchitis or asthma.

Pre-existing Health Conditions
This takes me to my next point. If you have asthma, please always go around with your inhaler, and your back up inhaler, and the back up to your back up. It may seem like a redundant point, but guys, I’ve actually heard a grown ass man tell me he forgot his inhaler in the car and was too lazy to go get it, because where he parked is far. Hmm! I took a deep breath and told him how much one plot is in Ikoyi Cemetery. Then, I proceeded to advise him on the cost of caskets, pall bearers, and then the official papers one needs for a burial. Burials are not cheap, and I’ve written about that here on BellaNaija {Click here if you missed it} Do not take stupid risks, or put yourself in a position where other people have to pay for your carelessness.
If you have any pre-existing health conditions, (bronchitis, asthma or light sensitivity) please do not go to a party where they will have smoke and all these shine shine things you millennials like to have for turn up. Stay safe, and remember that your health is more important than the party. If you absolutely must go because your picture must be in the HashTag scroll, please remember, your loved ones who will have to pay the price, when you’re gone.

Under age sibling/relatives
Yes, I understand you want to be the cool sister, aunty, uncle, whatever…so when that 15 year old tells you they wanna go for that IT show, you just wanna make them happy. Guys, there’s a reason why these things are for adults. F’real! Your 14 year old sister is still 14! No matter how much make up you slap on her face, and no matter how tight the dress she is wearing is. If someone sexually assaults your baby sister while you’re not looking, what will be the justification for taking her out? You’re probably going to be so busy turning up with your friends that you won’t notice when someone slips something into her drink.
This is not a joke! Please, please, please don’t take your underage sister, or niece or sibling to a party meant for adults. Many years ago, when I lived in Ilorin, we had a house party and some disgruntled people (who were not invited) gained access and threw tear gas into the living room. Everyone got out safely – except one girl. She happened to be the asthmatic younger sister of someone. Apparently, they had snuck the little girl out of the house to come for the party. Dearly beloved, let us be wise in our actions.

Don’t Drink & Drive
Look, anybody who knows me, knows I love my happy juice. Next to coffee, my Absolut is my next favourite liquid in the world. The only thing sweeter than booze is free booze! Turn up season is a festival of free booze! Everywhere you go there’s just so much to drink… and so many reasons to keep drinking.

Moderation is key. As adults, we should be able to take control of our lives and our lifestyle. Drink in moderation. Also, do not drink and drive. Do not get into a car with someone who has been drinking. Do not drive if you feel you’re slightly, ever so slightly less than completely aware of yourself. In fact, no. Don’t drive at all.

Budget money for your taxi or whatever way you are going to get home. If you plan to get plastered, have a designated sober driver who will ensure you get into a SAFE vehicle to be transported home. IF you find yourself without such a friend, please sleep on the floor at Civic Centre.

Look at it this way, if you don’t die from the car wreck, and you break your spinal cord and other things, it’s going to be costly to keep you alive. That free booze won’t be worth it any more. Even worse, if you drive while inebriated, and you don’t die, but you cause the person in the next car to die, or become incapacitated… I don’t even know how you will live with the guilt for the rest of your life.

Okay oh! I think that’s enough pontificating from me. One of my friends said, on Twitter, that it is not my business whether people take precautions when they’re getting fire sparklers at their party. If you feel this is not my business, thank you for still taking time to read up to this point.

Peace out…**slides out of the building Michael Jackson style**