Fumbi O: Keeping Up with the Joneses! This For the Upcoming Big Girl

Before anything else, I would like to give a profound shout out to the esteemed  members/intending members of the big girls club whatever chapter you may belong; Gidi chapter, Janded chapter, Yankee chapter…my people, how market???

So…the struggle to be a “big girl/boy” is not here at all o. Again, this is me taking a chapter from my own book. For all the things I shall be pecking on in this episode, I have been there done that, might still even be doing it.

To be a big girl, is to pass off a lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, some people are actually cool in real life, and they actually have these things they show off. However, this is a pep talk for those who are trying to catch up with the cool train.

A friend of mine was joking about what it takes to join the big boys club and he was like “mehn that ish is not for kids o, BMW levels and all” (paraphrased)

I thought about it, really, to be a big girl or a big boy is quite a commitment. Some might even call it an investment; truly, there are levels to this game.

So here are my two cents on how to catch up, at least to a reasonable extent

But before I go on, the life size exaggeration most people on social media pass off these days is overwhelming (please help us to take it easy). Everyone has a virtual existence that is almost at total variance from their actual day to day reality. Every girls’ makeup game is on fleek; every guy is looking like a chocolate demon with piercing abs; some people’s wardrobe game is explosive – not just lit anymore. There are now even rules on how to take Instagram worthy selfies and the list goes on and on.

There is an unspoken pressure especially on young ladies to keep up with all the gazillion (not a real word) trends out there (Disclaimer: you shouldn’t really allow yourself to be pressured by these trends, invest in your actual reality more than the illusion you pass off online) that said, back to our vanities, as I was saying, there is so much to catch up on nowadays and some of us are just getting it totally wrong.

You’re either born cool, or you’re not!
Now, this is a harsh reality, but it is so true. Have you ever wondered why some people do not even try so hard, they are just as quirky and clumsy as the next person, yet everyone wants to be their friend? Also, where do you think the messy hair trend came from? Effortlessly cool people, my dears. People that simply get out of bed and they are sultry, they are the real “I woke up like this” people (before it got randomised). Some people can make ordinary singlet and skirt look like it’s a couture outfit i.e. they are born cool. But don’t lose hope, there is hope for the rest of us; you can train yourself to be cool.

Do not be a die-hard – Stop trying too hard
This point follows directly from the first rule, if you are on the latter team – those who have to train to be cool, the first step is to take it easy. I was in a school environment lately and I noticed how it was so easy to differentiate between those who knew how to be cool and those who were putting in sooooo much effort. When you’re struggling with something, it shows. One step at a time darling. You will eventually slide into your cool zone.

Less is more
This is very similar to rule 2. To be a big girl or boy does not mean you have to pack on tons of everything, that just makes you a “Jenifarian” (huge Jenifa fan by the way) and it’s just downright hilarious. Don’t even get me started with this Instagram MUA people. Don’t get me wrong o, there are the good ones and there are the die-hard wannabes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get your make-up game right or your wardrobe game on point, but before you start to flaunt, keep it to the basics first – until you have learnt it properly and you’re good at it. It’s bad enough that you are over-doing it, coupled with when you are now over doing the wrong thing, it’s so not cool.

Learn, and then… practice, practice, practice
It is a trite saying that “practice makes perfect”. To be good at something you have to do your homework and this principle actually applies to everything in life. At a point in my life, I decided that I was going to change some things about myself and please note, these changes were not to impress or please anyone else. It was because I wanted to explore a new phase, so I went out and started learning –  tons of YouTube videos, fashion magazines, analysing what fashionista were like, etc. And gradually I started to know my onions and I found my own feet. I began to understand what works for me, what doesn’t, what flatters my body type and so on. Of course there were some errors along the line (my throwback pictures will certainly testify to that) but we are making progress (hallelujah!) So, dear intending big girls and boys, learn and practice. Ask questions and gradually you would grow into your own element.

Listen to criticism
Some people become defensive when they are corrected about a wrong fashion choice, make up application, or even a bad attitude, this is not helpful. Don’t go about saying “that is my style, this is how I like it” when clearly your eagle like mono-brows make you look ratchet or like an “ngbeke”. Take heed to constructive criticisms  – especially if it’s coming from someone who has progressed than you in this “being cool” business. It really helps.

Don’t be shy to connect with the right crowd
Iron sharpenth iron; even the Bible acknowledges the need for a complimentary alliance. You can’t expect to evolve when you keep rolling only with your fellow ignorant or non-enlightened crowd. Reach out, meet people, and network. Part of what qualifies a person as cool person or as a big girl is who you know and the places you have been to. Please don’t be that person that lies about going abroad or that Donald Trump is your grandfather’s cousin (you shall fall your own hand!) Even if you can’t travel far, you can gain exposure from people who have, so don’t be shy to make new friends, read up on places, be informed and grow the right circle.

Don’t fake it! It shows
My brethren please don’t lie, don’t do over-sabi. Hmmm, the embarrassments that comes thereafter is not appealing at all o. Remember those people I referred to earlier the “I don’t like UK, I only go to London” people or the “I don’t like winter, so I only travel in December” people (clap for yourselves, foreign officials, the thunder that will fire you all is coming in aero contractors) Please stay real; real and grounded people are the coolest. They are the real big boys and girls. Don’t start a lifestyle you cannot afford, this often leads to crime or promiscuity. Don’t try to keep up which someone who you know is obviously rich, it can’t werk! Part of being cool is knowing how to stay fab on a budget, how to spend less and still look great, how to stay on trend without breaking the bank. Don’t be that girl that posts a fleeking picture on Instagram and drinks unceremonious garri in private, again this is so not cool

Slide into your comfortable Cool Zone/ Big Girl Zone
The bottom line drawing from all the points stated above is that you should be cool with whoever you are, nobody has it all figured out, remember everything is packaging (especially we the members of the Gidi chapter of the big boys and girls club *wink*) everyone is just powdering up the struggle. Be your own kind of cool, and you might find out that your own version is pretty awesome too.

In conclusion, I hope with this few points of mine I have been able to convince you and not confuse you, indoctrinate you and not extradite you (Debating legend.. Haha.)

So, good luck with your aspirations of joining the big league, see you there…Cheers 🙂

Photo Credit: Piotr Marcinski | Dreamstime.com