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Read Yemisi Wada’s Review of Toke Makinwa’s Book ‘On Becoming’

Yemisi Wada

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Yemisi WadaAI was away when someone asked if I had seen the ‘On Becoming…’ video on You Tube. I immediately looked for it and I must say when I watched it I didn’t understand what was coming. I thought perhaps there was going to be a reality show on Toke’s life and adventure moving on. I, however, didn’t have to wait long as about two days after I got a message from Toke and an invitation to the Book Launch. 
I had to leave the launch early and didn’t get a copy of the book, but I spoke to my daughter the next day and she said she read the book the night before on iBook and couldn’t put it down. I immediately sought to get my copies. (Old fashioned me prefers to read books the traditional way of turning actual leaves). 
I picked up the book on Saturday morning and I didn’t put it down till I finished. This meant all I had to do on Saturday apart from my hair, which I could do whilst reading got cancelled.

Her style of writing makes the book very interesting. I actually love the chapter where she describes her growing up the most. I was able to visualize all she describes and I could actually picture all the characters in my head. Her love for her father and his love for his family was so real. It made the bizarre accident more painful as you realize the incredibility of how it actually happened and how that could have been avoided. Going into my kitchen that late night was not easy I must say. 
The way Toke was able to describe her journey thereof, to date – including meeting her husband, to her marriage’s collapse – bore no judgment or bitterness. It was one I could never have envisaged.
I feared when I read excerpts of the book that it would be a written pay back, but nothing could be farther from the truth. It describes her vulnerability and many times her gullibility regarding her lover and you could see through the journey her weaknesses and why she was easily taken advantage of.
As loving and generous as ‘Big mummy’ and her family are it is only natural for anyone having to grow up with relatives, having grown up in such a loving environment as Toke describes to have some complex. It is one also that is difficult to explain away without sounding ungracious considering the circumstances.

I realised what ailed Toke, though, was not the many other women at all – but a feeling that she was not good enough. She tells how he told her his family did not think she was good for him because she wasn’t from the sort of background they could recognize. What sort of background is that? Orphans? They only lived round the corner from each other.

Many women fail to understand that in society women move on the social strata through birth or through marriage and they feel that when a man comes from a more financially superior background or was born and schooled abroad whilst they were born and reared here in Nigeria then they are too good for them. I have heard it too many times. It was this thought that made Toke always feel privileged to have this man and she was always trying to belong, be accepted, and be allowed in. In his case he was always philandering and he hurt her emotionally but she would have taken anything he offered, be it drugs, alcoholism or even physical violence. It takes an emotionally mature and enlightened man to find a woman for himself and on what he has to offer not what his family have. Otherwise he himself is always trying to belong and man up in that family and unfortunately cannot offer such a woman much succour.

What I also enjoyed about the book was that Toke showed her great faith in God. She shows that it is cool to have God in your life and counts her many blessings. Nothing happens without a reason and I feel she has her husband to thank because in trying to be accepted she worked hard to be successful and it paid off! Had they stayed together however they could have been the magic couple thanks to her. David Beckham was a fantastic football player but with Victoria’s panache and her obsession with his looks she created the brand he is now. He earns much more in endorsements than he did playing football. But alas it wasn’t to be.

In conclusion this was a book that had to be written. A story that had to be told. Toke has a great followership. Women of all ages for different reasons have an interest in her. Some to check if the skin lightening is true, some to know if she is hiding behind her Vlog when totally unhappy in her own relationship, some want to look like her, some want to know why and if it is true she’s paid to make appearances, some want to know this TM everyone is talking about. I hope these women learn from the story. They need to learn that Toke rose up when she started to think about putting Toke first. To know when to walk away when love is not feeling like love anymore.

This was a very brave move and I am very happy it is paying off. Many of us have stories to tell, which if told so honestly would make a difference but for whatever our reasons we have not plucked up the courage. She is our inspiration. Well done Toke, God bless you Big Mummy.

Yemisi Wada is a Lawyer and a Business woman. She has decided she has reached a stage in life where she likes to do what gives her Joy. She has just produced the Crime Series 'Lasgidi Cops Serious Crimes Unit' and last year when she turned 50 decided to start up a Blog where she can mentor younger ones on the realities of relationships and life. She also loves giving back and has a Foundation for Street Children called the Haven for the Nigerian Child Foundation. She is married and has 5 children. She blogs at www.namsblog.com.ng

27 Comments

  1. Some Questions

    December 7, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    If both houseguest died in the fire, who uncovered the background story that they were beefing and, as a result, one didn’t relay the message to the other?

    • Wunmi

      December 7, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      The other househelp did not die instantly.She still spent some days in d hospital.So she probably told that part.
      Make una dey try read to understand sha,not just to jump into conclusions.

    • Sally

      December 7, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      She did not jump to conclusions. She asked a (simple) question.

    • FasholasLover

      December 7, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      Thanks Mr. Wada for a mature view of the reasons Toke allowed all that was thrown her way. This speaks volume “As loving and generous as ‘Big mummy’ and her family are it is only natural for anyone having to grow up with relatives, having grown up in such a loving environment as Toke describes to have some complex. It is one also that is difficult to explain away without sounding ungracious considering the circumstances”.

      Maje is yet to man up and l wonder if he ever will. Even when he went to beg for money from Toke to give his baby mama, YES, his baby mama he was still cruel when she refused. What a vile boy. Anita behold your prize. Now, that the common enemy is gone, we shall see how this Anita/Maje saga pans out.

    • FasholasLover

      December 7, 2016 at 5:30 pm

      Mrs. Wada

  2. Some Questions

    December 7, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    Re: the author of this review, you seem very lovely. A darker hair color and more natural eye shadow will wake brighten your eyes and take many years away from your face 🙂 give it a shot

    • Sherlie Holmes

      December 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      I’m quite sure you’re a woman…girl STOP! This woman is 50 and looks amazing! I had to do a double take when I read at the end that she’s 50 with 5 kids. Kudos to you Mrs. Wada, wit yo fine self!

      Oh yea, I absolutely love your write up. Your perspective and analysis is on point.

  3. Prince Charming

    December 7, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Toke again!

  4. Mo'Diva

    December 7, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    Hugs*****

  5. Toro Akinseye

    December 7, 2016 at 3:00 pm

    Dear Yemisi, thank you for your sympathetic review of Toke’s book. Young Toke is indeed an inspiration to many women including myself

  6. hmm

    December 7, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    didn’t Yemisi go through a similar sitution with FK?

    • anon

      December 7, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      World people!!!…I hail…spill the tea though

    • Anon

      December 7, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Much worse. Runs off…

    • skyhigh

      December 7, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      yeah far worse than toke

    • word

      December 7, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      She probably went through worse. But as u can read in the last paragraph, liver have not gree her to take the plunge…which is why she shows appreciation for Toke’s courage.

    • Hummy

      December 7, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Yes, she did! Hers was even messier!

    • Idomagirl

      December 7, 2016 at 10:57 pm

      She herself wrote about it sometime.
      Don’t know why some are acting like it’s brand new gist, it’s been out there for a long time now.

    • Oluwakemi

      December 9, 2016 at 1:14 am

      Amebo?

  7. Toni

    December 7, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    Ok it’s fine now. Please no more reviews. Toke should come and close the chapter on this

  8. Amaka

    December 7, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    The orphan part touched me so much. We need to show them true love from the day they lost their parents. It is tough.

  9. word

    December 7, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    @anon 3.32 just use google. That FFK gist is too long for this space

  10. Mostest

    December 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    It is easy to sympathize with toke, she lost her parents, loving family though I don’t know as she said her father was quite strict with his brown belt, however she has other siblings and they were not rebellious. Toke was obviously the black horse in the family. It’s one thing to be naive and take all that from a man because you don’t know better, but her totally opposite messages on her vlogs showed that she knew the right thing but chose to smile in public like all was great. She’d known about the other women throughout her relationship so why did a pregnancy come as a shock to her. Maje was her stepping stone and as soon as she’d made a name for herself, she moved on. Did she have the last laugh? Most definitely but tokemakinwa will forever be known as the woman who bleached her skin for a man and potentially has a sex tape out there. She’s not an inspiration but simply a lesson to all women not to be stupid in relationships.

    • Anoni

      December 7, 2016 at 10:29 pm

      At least there’s still a lesson to be learnt, non?

    • Gigi

      December 8, 2016 at 10:18 am

      I pray people who are looking for a new start don’t run into people like you .I saw that with genuine hope and not scorn . “She will forever be known as the woman who bleached her skin and potentially has a sex tape”.
      We are not our pasts or our mistakes . Haba!!! Have a heart!

    • Be nice

      December 9, 2016 at 1:20 am

      Mostest please speak for your bitter uncompassionate self I beg. It speaks volumes of you to choose to define someone by their weaknesses or mistakes. Thank goodness man is not God.
      Be grateful that your situation and circumstances in life have not betrayed you , made a fool of you or thrown you to the ground. People sha….. Anyway this too shall pass. We learn and we move on

  11. Dorothy

    December 11, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Mostest you are a heartless human being. Men have side chicks before marriage. Once marriage takes place and vows recited before witnesses to the wedding and the marriage certificate signed there is no room for side chicks like Anita. At least Toke has accepted her faults and she is clinging on to God’s garments and praying that HE should show her the way. What about you? You have turned yourself to god judging others and telling people what Toke will be remembered for? My advice is to give your life to Christ and become a new creature. At the moment you are a miserable, cold-blooded person. In fact Toke is an inspiration to a lot of people who would learn from her mistakes. What is your own story? You probably can’t afford a well- balanced 3 square meals a day, hence the jealousy! Get a life please.

  12. Priscilla

    December 14, 2016 at 8:12 pm

    You just wrote my exact thoughts… She knew what to do but did what naive and gullible mothers advice that daughters.

    A hand spill of Nerian woman are actually by this sociology analysis by this book are verrry gullible with lack of self awareness or esteeme to refer to Toke book as inspiring!!! Wow I am amazingly shocked by the disparaging orientation.

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