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Asake Agoro: Dating African Men With ‘African Mentality’

Asake Agoro

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Asake AgoroI have discovered that African men who have studied/worked or done both in the Western world like to assume an aura of “I’m exposed”. So they will tell you they are liberal. They believed God created us, men and women equal and all that balderdash.

They will tell you they don’t subscribe to the ‘African mentality’ of women should be this and men should be that. They’ve lived overseas, our ways are outdated e.t.c; but my brothers and sisters, I have discovered that this is all hogwash.

The truth is that to the average Nigerian man the concept of marriage is twisted. It is where they shine and reign supreme.

It plays out like this, “if you are a good girl and you impress me I will marry you. If not, I won’t. I will just wait for you to get older and taunt you about it”

They are like a child with a toy and Funmi Iyanda tried to take it away from them. Hence the vitriol in her Twitter mentions after her tweets. Every African man of African parents no matter how many years he has spent abroad still carries that African man ego & mentality; this heavily influences the dynamics of his intimate relationships.

What do you mean Asake? Let me attempt to explain.

1:  Asake meets fine boy. Studied at Oxford university. Worked a couple years now in Manchester. They are getting on quite well till one day random statement,
“You should grow your hair”
“Ermmm why”
“You will look more ladylike. I can’t imagine what my mother will say when she sees your hair like this”
“Negro….”

2. Asake meets fine boy. Born and bred in Lagos. Works at Exxon Mobil. Holidays abroad frequently. They are getting on quite well till one day Asake discovers she once dated one of his acquaintances. Asake tells fine boy before acquaintance tells him, becausse men can be childish and like to get one up on each other.
“So you dated Sola”
“Yes”
Another day…
“So how did you meet Sola ? ”
“Mutual friends”
Another day…
“So how long did you and Sola date?”
” 6 months”
Another day…
“So did you and Sola…..
“Negro if you mention Sola to me one more time I will slap you back into Umuahia!”
Just leave the past. Let it go. Why is that so hard?

3: Asake meets fine boy. Same specs as A above. Owns his own advertising firm. They meet for first date. Asake offers to pay her half. Fine boy feels insulted.
“I can afford to pay for us both no need to embarrass me. Keep your money for make up”
Grrrrrrrrrrr! Negro I’m sorry if I stepped on your fragile ego. Since paying for my dinner makes you feel like a man can I send my rent bill as well?

4: Asake meets fine boy. They are getting on quite well and Asake invites him to her home studio. He sees Asake’s set up and is awed.
“Wow, it will be hard for any man to control you”.
I am hoping this is a slip of tongue so I ask for explanation.
“You have your sh*t together. You are obviously making a lot of money. You can call any man’s bullsh*t. You know we men like to be in control. You can’t have a woman who earns more than you”

Niccur… nice to meet you, here’s your exit….

I thought it was just me but I realised even female friends and acquaintances have had similar experiences with Nigerian men from all walks of life. My point is, don’t claim to be what you’re not, because you see an attractive package. Then you come close, and your mental halitosis displays itself. Because you got a visa to live in America doesn’t make you American.

You are an African man, own your truth. Don’t be confusing us please. Many men often BELIEVE they are less traditional than they actually are. I use the word “traditional” because then it can cover men of all races and tribes. I am not saying they purposely give those impressions because more often than not, we don’t know how we will react until we are in those situations.

So a man can think that he wants to be with an independent woman, he wants somebody just as intelligent, somebody that can take care of herself etc

The truth is, many men (more so our Nigerian and African brothers) do not want that because  they still can not manage seeing women that are totally free from their control. In one small aspect at least, they would still like to be boss, purely an ego thing.

Evolution is happening with the women in our generation. We pray our men catch up.

We all, men and women alike, need to understand that for every relationship choice there’s a always a price to pay . We tend to avoid the consequences associated with the choice we make which equals inexplicable friction, and stress. The choice and the price.
#LIVEYOURTRUTH.

I wear many hats !! Creative Director @AsakeOge, Tutor, Storyteller, Stylist, Content Writer TV/Online/Print & Entrepreneur. Food, Vodka & Red Wine lover, Travel ethusiast, Eternal optimist, Die hard romantic waiting for my horseman in shinning Agbada ! Instagram: @asake @asakeoge

140 Comments

  1. A Real Nigerian

    January 23, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    Ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!!
    Woooooooooooop!!!
    Yasssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!
    Looooove this ??✌

    Well said. The most striking feature of an African Man is how both education and exposure have no influence on his throwaway thought processes.

    I am ready to launch a vicious cyber onslaught on anybody who dares to say anything bad about this truthful, factual and wonderful article.

    • Bibdid

      January 23, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      Anyways, there exists men with African Mentality so to speak…those who echo the thoughts or ideologies that seeks to give the African woman a voice always seem to ignore how populated our “African Society” is becoming with African women with no identity or values but rather a reflection of the ideologies of the failing “western woman”

    • Nike in shock!

      January 24, 2017 at 12:57 am

      Call my friend to tell him something. He won’t let me speak, keeps talking over me. So eventually, I say to him out of frustration, “hold on, let me finish’. His response, “Nike, if you talk to me like that one more time, I will bang the phone on you. You think you’re still in London where women have equal rights as men”
      We women rest our case. Nothing left to say after this. Said friend is educated, got his master’s degree in London, comes from a rich, prominent family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! I urge all Nigerian women to look far and wide when looking for husbands. It will be well with us.

    • Chief

      January 23, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      I never reply your comments but i will give it to you now.I simply loathe women who hate men.You should thank us for being on this planet.You wish you had qualities men have.I noticed that your hatred towards men is because not one man has ever asked you out.Stop being bitter and cranky.Women like you think they can survive without a man,find they cannot and turn to belittling men. .My advice to you,see the error of your ways.

      Narcissism and inferiority complex not good combination.Genuinely feel sorry for your illness as it seems incurable in this case.Men are simple creatures,we expect loyalty,fidelity and moral support.As most women today especially someone like you are unwilling or incapable of providing this.To say that there isn’t any good men out is such a load of BS.Typical shaming female language because you aren’t getting your way.Facts are most men have lost women respect due to feminism culture.I believe your hate of men proves the true nature of women.Your blatant hatred for men is intoxicating.

      Misandry is widespread,ingrained and not recognized as being bad in today’s society.Please continue to post hateful things on this blog so that more men can see feminism for the hate cult that it is and wake up.You may hate everything about our masculinity but the truth is that angry women like you are some of our best allies.You provide great examples of the toxic nature of modern women that we are admonishing our brothers to avoid.

      BTW why am i wasting my time on you sef? Anyway enjoy the little attention.

    • Me

      January 23, 2017 at 4:09 pm

      Hmm, I’m not sure it’s as simple as ‘you hate men’. To be fair if Nigerian men go through some of the absolutely shocking things Nigerian women go through, there would be a sharp spike in murders/ domestic violence etc. Nigerian men can give it, but God forbid they get served back in the same vein.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      “I noticed that your hatred towards men is because not one man has ever asked you out.”

      Top kek. Apart from the fact that that assertion is laughable, I have never been the type whose existence depends on attention from or suppression of the opposite sex. I am not like disgusting Nigerian Men who feel that they must undermine women in order to feel good about themselves.

      I noticed that you hardly ever respond to any comment logically challenging your flawed ideas and false sense of superiority. Why? Are you scared that you – an all powerful and all knowing Nigerian Man – will be outsmarted and embarrassed by a woman on the internet?
      Are you afraid that your diminishing esteem and your insecure existence will both completely collapse at the mere idea that you cannot have your way especially when it comes to women?
      Keep on forming “Chief” to deceive yourself. I love how you ignorant Nigerian men masturbate your egos by calling yourselves “chief”, “chairman”, “doctor”, “de barrister”, “badoski” and all sorts of cringeworthy nicknames. Idiots.
      Go and make something out of yourself and stop relying on the suppression of women to feel good about your pathetic life.

    • Sage

      January 23, 2017 at 7:11 pm

      Wow… Your Mister.. All your ranting just proved her point!

    • OJ

      January 23, 2017 at 8:02 pm

      Somebody should give Chief a cold bottle Stout…this is just epic~~

    • Nahum

      January 24, 2017 at 9:56 pm

      @chief, you are the epitome of the sickness that defines the Nigerian man. You are so bloated with your essence of your “manhood” that you are completely blind to the fact that the average Nigerian man is an egocentric, patriarchal, perverted blowhard that can not keep his hands to himself. Finding a good Nigerian man is truly like winning the lottery and THAT my friend, is truly sad. I was ashamed when a group of African American sisters sat me down and told me their stories of woe at the hands of Nigerian men. A Nigerian man is defined as a liar, a cheat and an abuser but rather than you and your “boys” sitting down and assessing yourselves, you come to Bella Naija to attack women and defend your filth. Is there no end to your shame?? Listen to what your women are telling you and change!!!!

    • Relp to Chief

      January 25, 2017 at 5:37 pm

      Oga,

      Please what is paining you like this? It seems you have been turned down a lot by women and I can clearly see why. No woman with her ducks in a row will even give you a minute of her time.

      You need to understand that no gender is superior, but then again you come across as a bigoted brute so I will not waste my time.

      Nowhere in the article did she mention hate for men. On the contrary you are the one who has come here with all the bile of your sad situation of daily wet dreams about all the women you will never have, seeking a way to vent.

      Better luck next time!

    • BN = W.O.M.B

      January 23, 2017 at 6:05 pm

      Hey all! B.N stands for W.O.M.B (female body part) Women Organization for Men Bashing! Once you understand this, you’ll rest easy, bcos you’ll come to terms with their slant and who their target audience is! A real Nigeria fits that bill. I have accepted this! And I am a woman!

    • Yummy

      January 23, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      This article is on point. It still baffles me how some guys who were born and bred outside of Nigeria still have this mentality. BUT you can meet guys who were raised in Nigeria that are more open minded. It’s all about upbringing

    • Teyana

      January 24, 2017 at 12:04 pm

      Very true! Good point. It’s ironic that some (maybe just a handful) raised in Naija only are more open minded than the so called bred abroad. It’s all a matter of upbringing and personal truths.

    • Sherlie Holmes

      January 23, 2017 at 8:42 pm

      Lol I always enjoy your comments #hilarious

    • Hawt Talk With Tosan

      January 24, 2017 at 12:31 am

      Unfortunately it is African women who raise these entiltled African men! My mother in law recently told me a woman should serve her husband food on the table or she will be thrown out(to which I answered is he handicap?) She also told my daughter has to learn to cook coz she is a woman (to which I said no she should learn to cook because she needs the skills to make home cooked meals and so should my son)

      The moment mother’s start raising their kids as equals…there will be change.

  2. Bodunade

    January 23, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    But life is not this hard …

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      Yes it is. Especially with you pesky Nigerian Men always trying to suppress and oppress women.

    • Chief

      January 23, 2017 at 5:43 pm

      Women are not oppressed.Never have been.Please look into the meaning of word OPPRESSION”The exercise of authority or power in burdensome,cruel or unjust manner(from dictionary.com)”.When have women ever been treated this way? if anything women are privileged not oppressed.Yeah oppression is men going out into war with Boko haram terrorists to serve our country,oppression is men taking tough jobs to provide for their families,oppression is men building homes for women and children.Now before you go calling misogynistic,i’m not because in my comments do i encourage hatred of women

      .Feminism is about equality between both genders,Right? If so,then many of you feminists need to stop focusing only on women issues and focus on both genders..And some of you wonder why feminism isn’t taken seriously

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      “Yeah oppression is men going out into war with Boko haram terrorists to serve our country,oppression is men taking tough jobs to provide for their families,oppression is men building homes for women and children”

      TIL oppression is doing what you are supposed to do.
      Here we have the typical entitled African man’s mentality. He provides for the family so he should be worshiped. Sad.

      “Feminism is about equality between both genders,Right? If so,then many of you feminists need to stop focusing only on women issues and focus on both genders..And some of you wonder why feminism isn’t taken seriously”

      This is one of the most mind-numbing, utterly senseless things I have ever set my eyes on.

  3. Big Tee

    January 23, 2017 at 3:08 pm

    Thank you… stay blessed……

  4. Lida

    January 23, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    Haha….true talk…

  5. hadiza

    January 23, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    woooow! Asake I’m totally with u. African men can never change. No matter how many years they stay abroad or whatever, they will never stop being sexist and misogynistic. They are sick. It’s in their DNA.

    • Jade

      January 23, 2017 at 5:28 pm

      Go and marry your oyibo man now. It’s a free world. The white men have brainwashed you, America always preaching equal rights, women’s freedom they are yet to elect a woman president. Other countries have women as their president and leaders. The new U.S president is an openly proclaimed misygonist/sexist. They give an illusion of women’s right but it’s just surface.
      There are very open African men who learn and grow along the way. There are some African women who are just difficult to deal with. If you’ve had several terrible experiences with men, it says a lot about your judgment. Choose wisely and you will be fine.

      Before the women’s suffrage, African women were independent, strong and were very much in control. Nobody could stop them from anything including African men. So let’s be ourselves and stop trying to be something we are not.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      No part of your comment makes any sense. Stop relying on revisionist history and the nonsense leftist propaganda that Hilary was the next big thing for women to fuel your counter-arguments

    • Jade

      January 23, 2017 at 9:41 pm

      @A real nigerian
      Go to sleep(in betheney’s voice).
      Of course, it won’t make sense to you because your life is miserable and full of hatred. You clearly have issues. You need a psychiatrist to put you on medication. Then a psychologist for intense therapy.
      Don’t you guys get tired of the constant men bashing. If African men have African mentality what do African women who gave birth to them have?
      African Women allowed some of the entitlement, behavior African men display.
      And what are African women doing to change it even just to make their own lives better in society instead of their lives being revolved around men.

    • Jumi

      January 24, 2017 at 8:56 pm

      Sorry to say o. My man is very nigerian living abroad. But he has developed into the lovely man bcos we live equally in d home. Picks and drops kids. Cooks for us i.e. kids and me, wen am working late. Washes d plate before i return cos i hate a dirty kitchen gosh. I used to be so angry before he decided to change. I cook his food and he walks to kitchen to pick it up and returns his plate. Etc. Abeg i dont mind him at all. Hes a great niggur. I can say we spend our money together too. Maybe dats why hes sooo good

  6. Me

    January 23, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    I agree with a lot of what you’ve said.
    I once dated a guy, we both studied abroad etc. Both from wealthy homes etc.
    But this guy could never behave. He actually once said to me ‘ I can love you, and still F* another girl’ (pardon my crudeness but I wanted to be verbatim.
    I put up with his nonsense till I no longer could. He later moved on to a white girl, and he worships the ground she walks on. Wouldn’t dare cheat on her. Acts like she’s god.
    Now i’m asking myself, is it that these men value white girl s more than their own? I know for a fact that his dad cheated/ still cheats on his mum, so maybe it’s just that he comes form a crap family.

    • go and date an iranian

      January 23, 2017 at 3:25 pm

      your own father does not cheat on your mum?
      see how silly the last sentence is….

      You know he was bad and yet put up with him? cant you see you are the one that need brain surgery?

    • Me

      January 23, 2017 at 6:34 pm

      The very men of which we speak…

    • Irritated

      January 23, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      Idiot

    • Engoz

      January 23, 2017 at 3:53 pm

      In the Nigerian male philosophy, there is a different rule for each category of women…

      For the white woman – Nigerian male analyzes that these women are of a different culture and are not privy to his culture. Also, White patriarchy even protects its women. So he cannot exercise his full blown demonry. He must treat her well.

      For the Nigerian woman – His reasoning is you know your culture, your mother did it and you must die doing it. Your culture recognizes him as superior, you know this, why are you acting like your mother didn’t do this? Lmao.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      ???

    • Me

      January 23, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      Sad but oh so true. Many of these men truly believe themselves to be inferior to white people, and dating a white girl makes them feel equal.

    • Weezy

      January 23, 2017 at 7:34 pm

      This is so true! And these men are dumbfounded when they meet Nigerian women whose fathers were faithful and whose mothers did not take any sh*t.

    • OJ

      January 23, 2017 at 8:07 pm

      And you lot get overly uncomfortable whenever you see us with this same white women!!!!

    • COMMENTER

      January 24, 2017 at 5:38 am

      You have spoken the truth.

    • JF

      January 23, 2017 at 9:24 pm

      Your story did not reflect this article, beside any colour of many could have done that… you have the responsibility to protect yourself.

      I think it is high time some of you should stop feeding the young generation your cruel story.

    • The dark guy

      January 24, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      I can understand what you are saying. It seems that way like an African man would choose to disrespect his African lady by making such statement…..I’m a guy, but it’s weird that the guy you dated chose to be blunt…… but it is possible to *#^k a girl and be in love with you. We are complex and a lot has changed in the world.

      Like I say. Without the law women and children do suffer. We should be grateful that there is a law that protects women….. if not there will be NO such thing as women equality.

      A mans ego is generally within a man . The law has just curtailed him

  7. Olajide

    January 23, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    Nice piece. I have said this before, some of us guys, in the bid not to be seen as backward, we tend to act as though we are cool with certain things which we are not.
    GUYS if your mentality is yet evolved to that point, don’t fake it, if a woman earning more than you is a problem, tell her, and by discussing it with her, you might permanently heal yourself.
    If you are faking it, you will find yourself being emotionally manipulative in the relationship.

    And as for women, this same hypocrisy goes both ways. I once dated a Naija girl when I was back in the UK. She shoved equality and feminism down my throat every day. Fine, I was as liberal as she wanted.
    We did 50-50 when she wanted. However, when she gists about her friends in Nigeria, who are living ‘the life’ married to rich husbands and not financially contributing, she talks as though she envies them. And jealous of their lives.

    Bottom line is that, the same number of men faking evolved mindset, Naija women are also faking it. 90% of Naija women who say they have their own money and will do 50-50 are lying.

  8. go and date an iranian

    January 23, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    You people never tire to talk about african men
    Go and date an iranian, a gambian, or an american if you dont like them

    dem swear for you with african men ni?

    Isnt it ironical that you dont have any other thing to do with your life than write about the men and talk about them day in day out?

    go and date the one you like and leave dem alone. If they write about you too, you will know you are not even fit to be married by them

    carry your wahala go jare

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 5:23 pm

      Fool.

    • JF

      January 23, 2017 at 9:31 pm

      REAL NIGERIAN… STOP CURSING … You have full of sad word, you do not have any good experience with Nigerian man?

    • MadamYe...

      January 24, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      Gambians are Afican men. FYI… 🙂

  9. Marian

    January 23, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    My truth is, i found an above average Nigerian man with an untwisted concept of marriage and i’m happy to call him my husband today. There are lots of nigerian guys who do not follow the norm a lot of Nigerian woman have been forced to accept.

    • Marian

      January 23, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      *Women

    • greatwales

      January 24, 2017 at 10:00 pm

      Ese jare .Always try to find what makes you happy.If you find one,keep it and be happy,good for you .If you found a wrong one,let it go,it’s wrong because it’s not your taste. let it go with a smile.

  10. Sisi

    January 23, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    Lots of truth here, lots of pretenders whose true colours show easily. I don’t think point number 2 is unique to the ‘African man’ and I don’t think it’s absolutely true that ‘no matter how many years he has spent abroad still carries that African man ego & mentality’. There is an exception to every rule, the are a few who are the minute minority sadly.

  11. Olajide

    January 23, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Nice piece. I have said this before, some of us guys, in the bid not to be seen as backward, we tend to act as though we are cool with certain things which we are not.
    GUYS if your mentality is yet evolved to that point, don’t fake it, if a woman earning more than you is a problem, tell her, and by discussing it with her, you might permanently heal yourself.
    If you are faking it, you will find yourself being emotionally manipulative in the relationship.

    And as for women, this same hypocrisy goes both ways. I once dated a Naija girl when I was back in the UK. She shoved equality and feminism down my throat every day. Fine, I was as liberal as she wanted.
    We did 50-50 when she wanted. However, when she gists about her friends in Nigeria, who are living ‘the life’ married to rich husbands and not financially contributing, she talks as though she envies them. And jealous of their lives.

    Bottom line is that, the same number of men faking evolved mindset, Naija women are also faking it. 90% of Naija women who say they have their own money and will do 50-50 are lying.

  12. LemmeRant

    January 23, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    Hadiza has finally written an article on BN

    Is ist by force to marry African Man with African Mentality? Go and marry american now and save us the wahala.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 4:16 pm

      It is not by force to marry na, so why is it paining you?Awwwwww. Do white boys make you feel insecure? Or are you like the person ME and Engoz described up there who only feel empowered when they are surrounded by women silenced by their cultures? The type that feel getting laid and beating on their wives is the only way to boost their fragile egos?

    • Chief

      January 23, 2017 at 8:59 pm

      You dating white boys makes us feel insecure? I guess you are one of those negro bed wenches with low self esteem and inferiority complex.You worship white men and non black-black man.You swirlers are looking for white simps you can control and manipulate.You negro bed wenches are traitors to black race and enemy within.It’s sad that these bed wenches are more submissive to these racists white simps than us African men.You should be ashamed of yourself,you value and uphold white men and devalue us.

      As an African man with African culture i’m the king of my home.Maybe the only men who are willing to tolerate this bad attitude and idiotic feminism ideology are white men simps not a real African man.Sorry i have to stop here cause i can’t argue with a bed wench.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 10:07 pm

      Look at a Nigerian man who wets his bed and throws tantrums about feminism telling me I have low self esteem and inferiority complex. Hilarious.

      “As an African man with African culture i’m the king of my home.”

      Haha haha haha haha! ?????

  13. LemmeRant

    January 23, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Btw you sound like someone that’s been passed off a lot by Nigerian men.

    Here you are trying so hard to play down your hatred men, trying to sound objective and rational. But you still can’t mask that oozing hatred embellished in your heart for Nigerian men.

    Pele sogbo. Life is easy. Go and marry a white man so you can be a princess like you read in all your romance novels and those Disney story books.

    Pele ehn. Don’t cry. You hear.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      And you sound like an insecure, bedwetting manlet who cannot stand the idea of women rejecting the Patriarchy. The same Patriarchy that gives useless, good-for-nothing men like you the idea that they can be complete losers in life but still be placed on top of well-to-do women by the society.

      Keep on crying and b!tching, boy. Your little world where you, your fathers and sons undermine women is slowly coming to an end. ?

    • Anon

      January 23, 2017 at 5:33 pm

      You dislike women as much as hadiza and ARN, on every page about women, you lurk. Looking for one comment you dislike to use and insult women in general. It sounds personal, you sound pained. I prefer Hadiza and ARN to you because they are at least open and grave enough to shove their misandry down our faces, but you make up facts, add words where there are none, and make the most hateful and vile comments. Get over yourself for goodness sake. “Passed off”
      Like who the hell are you

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      BN post my reply to this chauvinistic loser here!!!!! ??

    • Tantrum

      January 24, 2017 at 11:31 am

      Is someone throwing a tantrum?

  14. Engoz

    January 23, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Asake, are you a feminist though?

  15. yeyeperry

    January 23, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Memories! Too many!

  16. Ayi

    January 23, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    Nice article…but wait a min,where is Paul adeyemo???? *grabs popcorn and sips on chilled fanta*waiting for Paul adeyemo’s misogynstic comment

  17. john

    January 23, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    you can always tell an article that has been written by a use and dump,passed around frustrated woman ( probably now an online feminist)

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      Hahahahaha. John John. Don’t tell me Asake hurt your feelings?
      Don’t worry, go back and read that article some days back where that woman said infedility is tolerable. It will make you feel good about the cheating, wife-beating scum that you are.
      Typical beta male p%ssy threatened by feminism.
      Maybe if you actually become something in your life and rely on your own achievements to feed your ego, you won’t be crying and moaning about how you will soon lose the licence to treat women like dogs.

  18. A Real Nigerian

    January 23, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    BN release my comment NOOW!

  19. john

    January 23, 2017 at 4:16 pm

    meanwhile an article about 2 real smart women that acheived a perfect GPA of 5.0 has only 1 comment.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      Nice try,
      Those same women that you are trying to hypocritically advocate for will fall into the clutches of useless Nigerian men like you who will police their every move and thought. Wasting their potential and limiting them to whatever you feel is good for them, as long as it doesn’t make you feel insecure about your own inabilities.
      I mean, accordong to lunatics like you, what good is a 5.0 CGPA if you are not married and subservient to the head of the family, right?

    • Tan

      January 24, 2017 at 11:33 am

      The irony of life.

  20. REplier

    January 23, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    But how do you know he doesn’t or hasn’t cheated on the white girl. A man will treat you how you want to be treated. Maybe the girl is upfront with him about her expectations for their relationship. For example, she may have said, babe i don’t do dishes so you will have to do them. A cheat will always cheat, regardless of who he is with. Maybe he didn’t worship the ground you walked on because you put yourself under his feet. How can a man value you , if you don’t value yourself? I personally know a maiguard who loves his wife above all else. they are both illiterates but the love they have for each other is amazing. Studying abroad has no impact on how well you’ll treat a woman. It’s the person that matters not the education or wealth.
    PS: maybe he was upfront with you about the cheating because he thought you were cool like that. I can’t imagine my husband having the balls to tell me such a thing. I have been very upfront with him that I am very forgiving with the exception of physical violence and infidelity…and he knows I have the heart and means to walk away if either occurs.

  21. Adaobi

    January 23, 2017 at 4:24 pm

    Hmmm, I have mixed opinions about this.

    First and foremost you’re right. An African man will always be an African man. Where I think there might be a disconnect is that you automatically think that because African men are traditional, they cannot be advocated of gender equality.

    For example, An idea life for my boyfriend would be to wake up to freshly prepared breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cooked by me of course. He would also like me to be a housewife for a while after having kids when we’re married.

    If I choose to not do the latter, he is totally fine with it. We will work a way around it, as long as both parties are happy. So yes, he has his ideals, but he does not impose his ideals on me because he knows it’s my choice. I don’t see anything wrong in this.

    In essence what I’m saying is look beyond their “African Mentality” Look for a man who’s ready to let you be in charge of your life regardless of what he might prefer.

    • Kevoti

      January 24, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      Please lets clap for this lady!!!!!!

  22. The Bolt

    January 23, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    Does this apply to all the men in your family, brothers, cousins, uncles, your Dad??
    Please refrain from generalizing.

    Some of us pick bills cos that’s how we were raised, to take care of our women.

    Why shouldn’t i ask questions if you dated my friend? Wouldn’t you ask if the case was reversed?

    Why’s Asake only meeting fine boys? Why cant she meet a regular guy or even ugly guy?

  23. ogeAdiro

    January 23, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    For every Asake, there are 9 other Nigerian/African women that like their “traditional” Naija man. So he works for an oil company and he can’t pay for common Mr. Biggs? Even the girl’s family will think twice b4 giving you their daughter. A lot of the Nigerian women I’ve come across actually want their man to have a lot of say-so on how they live their lives. Funmi Iyanda’s type of Naija woman is probably the exception.

    • Anon

      January 23, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      I don’t think they like it, they are just willing to live with it. In Nigeria; to be married is more important than to be happy. You know that

  24. You know?

    January 23, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    Its quite sad that the population who are going to read this articule are women. Just because it goes in one ear and goes out the other., what. these feminist fail to understand is African men are not going to change because they were brought up by African women who taught them their superiority and girlfriends who carry it along, who then turn to wives and mothers someday and the chain continues. So what population of these women who make up feminist believe they can change men? Nigerian men have done nothing wrong, but are just product of the society that we women have babied them in.

  25. Confuzzled

    January 23, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    The write-up was very snarky, but the premise is 100% truth that applies to both sexes: Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not – just to get a partner. There are people that will love you for exactly who you are. If you want a submissive, stay at home wife, there are lots of that type out there. Don’t go for an independent career woman and expect her to change later on. Don’t go for the lady with daring fashion sense when you expect your future wife to wear caftan and zero makeup.

    Ladies, don’t pretend to be a domestic goddess when you’re not. Don’t pretend to be pious when you’re a party girl. Find someone to love you as you are.

  26. Chief

    January 23, 2017 at 4:35 pm

    The western culture and European mode of civilization is thriving and outgrowing our African cultural heritage.Africa is becoming fully westernized now.Western culture now is regarded as front line civilization.African ways of doing things now has become primitive,archaic and regrettably unacceptable in public domain.Not only were aspects of the material culture in the colonies lost or destroyed.We men are losing our power and women have lost sense of cultural continuity.

    Civilization was just another concept of domination imposition of incoming new culture over our traditional cultural values.Traditional family values breaking down very rapidly.Little wonder that there’s no more respects for men.Women are trying to topple down our African patriarchal society.turning of our ALPHA males to BETA males,Emasculating our men.It’s sad that being egalitarian is next cool thing for most men now SMH!!

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      “Women are trying to topple down our African patriarchal society.turning of our ALPHA males to BETA males”

      Hahahahahaha. Your constant whining and insecurity is a source of tremendous comedy.
      Just so you know, only BETA male p%ssies rely on the Patriarchy to be alpha.
      You’re a grade-A retard.

    • Chief

      January 23, 2017 at 5:27 pm

      Shaming language,ad-hominem insults and emotion tirade are pretty much all that feminism influenced women like you use when they argue,Logic?Forget it.Your comment is typical female egocentrism,lies and deflections.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      Shaming language? Hahahaha.
      “This girl is flat joor”
      “I dey toast am, she dey form, she no even fine sef”
      “She no get yansh”
      “She no get bobby”
      “The girl leg dey somehow”
      “My guy don kpansh am before”
      “I hear say an ashawo she be”
      “She never marry? Ah, na after 1 be that o”

      These are just a few of the nonsense you men say when you are with each other, and you dare talk to me about shaming language and ad hominem? What kind of a hypocrite are you?

      Egocentrism? LOL!

      “No woman fit talk to me like that o, I go just slap am”
      “This one no fit stay husband house o”
      “Wah wah wah I’m the head of the family!! You must respect me even if I am a loser!!!!”
      “As long as you get bar, no babe way you no fit toast”
      “How woman go dey command me? God forbid”

      All from Nigerian men. But no, feminists are the egocentric ones.

      And lies? Who are people who constantly lie about their infidelity? Must be feminists too.

      Mind you, I’m just citing low-level banter as examples, I didn’t even go to the real issues.

      You are a truly shameless person, a worm, a liar and a horrible hypcorite.

      Like I earlier implied, I have the time for all you chauvinistic goats today.

    • Cocolette

      January 24, 2017 at 12:19 am

      Real Nigerian and Chief y’all should get married already…I volunteer to be flower geh ?????

    • David

      January 24, 2017 at 12:35 am

      Wow! Each example for shaming and egocentrism is as true as the next.

      As an avid reader, I find your comments funny and effective most times. Name calling aside, you speak the truth often. You seem like a brilliant woman who has had a tough life and is revolting. Keep revolting…

      However, travel light dear, let go of any the part that hurts. I don’t known if the coldness in your voice is a persona, but I sincerely wish you all the best! ❤

    • Engoz

      January 23, 2017 at 8:37 pm

      “The western culture and European mode of civilization is thriving and outgrowing our African cultural heritage.”

      The Western Civilization is outgrowing your African cultural heritage because your African cultural heritage cannot compete in research and innovation. Your African cultural heritage continues to be a technological illiterate and cannot compete with the real ALPHA MALES who are the Asians and Whites. The difference between western patriarchy and your African patriarchy is it endeavors to make life better for its women and children. For example, Western patriarchy will want women to cook but is also thinking of alleviating that burden hence it will create dishwashers, gas cookers, laundry machines, microwave, vacuum cleaners etc. In comparison, the African patriarchy is still using what its forefathers used… mortar & pestles, palm fronds brooms, stone grinders for its women in the 21st century. Your patriarchy has been utterly retrogressive. What has Nigerian patriarchy done other than be a big boil in the butt of women? What has it achieved? What benefits has it given to its women and children? The future of Nigeria under your patriarchy is extremely useless. Only a foolish person with the IQ of an earthworm continues to do the same thing over and over again and expects different results. African patriarchy is demonic. And not even feminism will kill it, because it will eventually kill itself, because the dumb men who populate it cannot compete with the real alpha males. African patriarchy will DIE a natural death, and most rightly so.

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 10:09 pm

      Looove this ☺✌??

    • Engoz

      January 23, 2017 at 8:55 pm

      “The western culture and European mode of civilization is thriving and outgrowing our African cultural heritage.”

      The Western Civilization is outgrowing your African cultural heritage because your African cultural heritage cannot compete in research and innovation. Your African cultural heritage continues to be a technological illiterate and cannot compete with the real ALPHA MALES who are the Asians and Whites. The difference between western patriarchy and your African patriarchy is it endeavors to make life better for its women and children. For example, Western patriarchy will want women to cook but is also thinking of alleviating that burden hence it will create dishwashers, gas cookers, laundry machines, microwave, vacuum cleaners etc. In comparison, the African patriarchy is still using what its forefathers used… mortar & pestles, palm fronds brooms, stone grinders for its women in the 21st century. Your patriarchy has been utterly retrogressive. What has Nigerian patriarchy done other than be a big boil in the butt of women? What has it achieved? What benefits has it given to its women and children? The future of Nigeria under your patriarchy is extremely useless. Only a foolish person with the IQ of an earthworm continues to do the same thing over and over again and expects different results. African patriarchy is demonic. And not even feminism will kill it, because it will eventually kill itself, because the dumb men who populate it cannot compete with the real alpha males. African patriarchy will DIE a natural death, and most rightly so.

    • Sisi

      January 23, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      This part is BS and I call inferiority complex ‘real ALPHA MALES who are the Asians and Whites.’ Self hate isn’t cute – consider the male children you may birth, your brothers or your father perhaps?

    • Engoz

      January 24, 2017 at 11:49 am

      @Sisi,
      One of the many problems of the black man is his failure to be truthful with himself. He gets extremely sentimental with the facts and his ego quickly shatters. If you think I’ve not had this conversation with my husband and other men in my family, you have a second think coming. We live on controversial topics like this. You are one of those Black people with egos that are easily broken, thereby you are the one most likely to suffer from inferiority complex. You cannot argue without letting your emotions run high like you are addicted to narcotics. Now, instead of letting your emotions run high, the onus is on you to present the indices of the Nigerian man as a technological guru in comparison to other races of men in the 21st century.

    • Observer

      January 24, 2017 at 9:11 pm

      Best comment ever! Bloody useless Nigerian men demanding respect yet put to shame by their peers from other continents. Producing nothing but noise all over the place!

    • COMMENTER

      January 24, 2017 at 6:18 am

      Chief chief! Your inference that women should thank men for being on this planet reeks of superiority to women! A woman carried you for many months in her uterus and breast fed you. Women are powerful beings to be respected and honored as much as men are. The creator does not place a higher value on men than women.

      Asake spoke about many types of men. She did not say ALL men are so. As much as men want loyalty, fidelity and moral support, women want and deserve the same. We pair up because we want a team mate. It should not be a master and slave situation! A lot of women just want men to RECIPROCATE. SIMPLE. Men lose their minds when controlled by women, women feel the same way. Some EMPATHY goes a long way. Feminism is not a cult. It is simply the idea that both sexes are equal.

      Women have been oppressed for many years. Someone in the thread highlighted that some mothers have contributed to their boys thinking that the sexes are not equal. That writer was being empathetic to men. There also other articles on this website that have addressed what the male child has been taught to rest his identity on and how that affects the way he conducts himself. There is an article that talked about how men have been taught to manage their emotions in our culture etc. I found both articles to be rather empathetic towards men. My point is that men get empathy here too.

      You made this comment and I urge you to read it again.

      “As a real man,either you exist in my circumference as a submissive,respectable,loyal woman or my energy will repel you to get away.If every real man had this mentality,women will have no choice but to exist in our world,the way we want them to exist.I have been saying this,Feminism is the cause of mass production of BETA males,we have to get rid of the evil system of feminism,so men can get out of that beta males mindset”

      The above statement implies that it is your world and women just live in it and they must do as you tell them to. This implies that you are in a MASTER position as a man and women are in a SLAVE position.

      You want a relationship that works? MUTUAL respect and no slavery is key. Where slavery exist, resistance will surely come. History has proven this in many settings.

  27. Bibdid

    January 23, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Anyways, I agree there exists men with the so called “African Mentality” so to speak…those who echo the thoughts or ideologies that seeks to give the African woman a voice always seem to ignore how populated our “African Society” is becoming with African women with no identity or values but rather a reflection of the ideologies of the failing “western woman”

  28. Bibdid

    January 23, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    Chief, don’t get personal wif A real Nigerian…it’s not worth it…expression of opinions shouldn’t call for name callings “(idiots)”. At least not all men dumped, molested and messed her sense belonging up. Both sexes are not faultless…

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 5:25 pm

      Rephrase?

  29. John

    January 23, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    A real Nigerian, Hadiza acounts handled by one frustrated “hausa use and dump turned feminist” Sugabelly.. always full of contradictions ..always talking about men men men this and that, as I said post an article about women achievers and you will see 0 to 1 comment but let it be about bashing men , they will all crawl out of thier miserable lonely room with thier cheap phones forming strong women..lonely miserable hypocrites

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 5:33 pm

      When you men won’t stop raping, cheating, beating and undermining’, why won’t we always attack you black dogs?
      Whether we use cheap phones or not doesnt devalue or discredit our cause.
      How insecure and sad your life must be thinking that every feminist is lonely or frustrated or miserable. If clinging on to that senseless, overused angle is what makes you happy, keep on going, twat. Keep screaming in your echo chamber till your delusion and desperation finally get the better of you.

    • Chief

      January 23, 2017 at 9:41 pm

      Your comment lacks research,relevancy and almost all your comments lack structure.We live in a country where men have always been mandated to go war.You want equality?Then act like it,then start giving men their due respect and treat us like the humans we are who are not created to be disposable so you can come online and bitch out patriarchy.And those men dying in sambisa forest to make sure that those chiboks girls are rescued .

      You are ungrateful misandrist with no reality based logic,You want African traditional gender roles to end.Misandry is in fact a very pervasive problem but the public has been blind to it for a long time.You have proven your thoroughly of factual evidence.Of course, this is really a man hating blog where you and your co disgruntled feminists spew hatred towards men.Your double standard and hatred for the male gender is clear,not only from your hateful comments..

      As a real man,either you exist in my circumference as a submissive,respectable,loyal woman or my energy will repel you to get away.If every real man had this mentality,women will have no choice but to exist in our world,the way we want them to exist.I have been saying this,Feminism is the cause of mass production of BETA males,we have to get rid of the evil system of feminism,so men can get out of that beta males mindset

    • Goodman

      January 24, 2017 at 12:08 am

      REAL NIGERIAN you are the depressed one here. If you can call human being DOGs.. too bad for you. does that mean your father is a dog…? clearly he must be… product of a dog will bark like you. Stop barking so you don’t infect the young once with your rabies infection. She need help women society should help her….

  30. funmilola

    January 23, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    this article is gbammest!
    African men be forever feeling entitled and offering nothing in return…you meet a guy and the next thing he’s talking about is you coming to his house to make egusi soup and semo..smh

    • PACE

      January 23, 2017 at 6:41 pm

      I’ve found out in the short space of time I’ve been on earth never to generalize. ‘African men’, your father, uncles and brothers inclusive. I can tell from the way you write that you’re pretty smart but it’s in your best interest not to let sentiments overtake logical reasoning…. Oya back to the matter. Truth of the matter is both genders are guilty. I can go on and on about how manner-less a lot of Nigerian women can be and how they have this feeling of self-entitlement all because they’re women. You’re a product of your immediate environment. If you find yourself living among Nigerians, it’s more than likely that you’ll be influenced by their ways. However, the onus lies on you to adopt positives in other cultures and also drop negatives in yours. This has absolutely nothing to do with haven lived, worked or studied abroad. I know a few people who have lived in South East London for donkey years and behave like they’ve never stepped their feet outside the shores of Nigeria. The world is a global village. At the click of a button, I can keep myself updated on activities ongoing in the opposite end of the globe. Anyone who’s open-minded enough to want to learn will do so regardless of whatever location he/she finds himself or herself. My friends often call me ‘white’ because of my views on pertinent issues in life. I’m quick to correct them, I’m neither white nor black. A fitting adjective to describe me is ‘mid-atlantic’. There are positives and negatives in the western culture, same as there are positives and negatives in the African culture. What I’ve done is to adopt the positives of each culture. A lot of Nigerians till date will never disclose their travel plans to others or will give false travel dates for fear of their planes being pulled down by enemies. In 2017? How more backward can we possibly get? Before I begin to digress, these so called egocentric and chauvinistic men were raised by women. Part-blame goes to women for indoctrinating men with wrong values. Rather than being bitter and bashing the opposite sex, let’s all take responsibility and work together to correct these wrong doctrines that have been passed through generations to prevent these doctrines being passed to younger generations.

    • goodman

      January 24, 2017 at 12:48 am

      Funmilola you know that’s not true… Most of you are gold diggers and husband snatcher. Running after wealthy married men.. no age limit.. Or Rich young guys.. Do you date upcoming talent? NO. you rather date by last name…. hahahaha.. do you even know how to cook… I doubt. Some girls like you are the one who meet a guy today and next week will be your birthday… or you loose your phone. and you want iphone 7, asho ebi and so on.. Though I know there is many good Nigerian woman… but if you can’t find good Nigerian man then you need to check yourself. Stop dating wallet and last name.

  31. Lol

    January 23, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    You get the men you attract and they become a reflection of you ?

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 5:48 pm

      Stupid logic.

  32. A Real Nigerian

    January 23, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    BN shame on you for censoring my comment.

    • kay

      January 23, 2017 at 9:21 pm

      are you writing from your parent’s basement? Find work do. Only you comment full ground like bar beach water?

  33. Bada**

    January 23, 2017 at 5:24 pm

    OMG!!! You took the words right outta my mouth…you go gurrl…
    I just have to add that some girls still go ahead and marry the sorry losers cause they start drinking the cool aid after so many years of hearing it.

  34. bijouxthisbijouthat

    January 23, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    Insightful article but i am wondering, is it the same Nigerian men ‘we’ are bashing that a lot of women cry, pray to marry day in and out? The ones women are ready to do anything so they can be called Mrs?
    Have you looked at the comments section of weddings on BN? ladies asking Baba God to do it for them?
    And these same women even educated and financially stable ones wont leave even when they have blatantly cheated? cc: Tiwa S?
    Where is the point of convergence? are we not desensitized from what the majority of women really want?
    #notsoorandomthoughts

  35. Bibdid

    January 23, 2017 at 6:27 pm

    It’s obvious something is really biting…@A real Nigerian; she must ve been through so much badly…plus she needs al d guys to take responsibility for whatever rewards she got for her poor choices or positions fate doled out to her…Pele. Get all negative n insulting as u wanna get…..help is nt gonna come by that way…as for funmi….there will always be a,missing piece in her…God is not fool to create male n female after His own likeness…everyone isn’t corrupt or bad…so chill sisssster!!! (tongue-out)

  36. Toks

    January 23, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    IDGAF @ a real Nigerian is speaking nothing but the truth! Wish the men could just try to comprehend what women who are obviously tired of your nonsense are trying to communicate to you,instead of making us out to be crazy! Sheesh.

  37. AceOfSpades

    January 23, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    But does A Real Nigerian know that this men that you are bashing was raised by African women? This men are raised by African Women (let that sink in)

    As for the writer of the article, you are wrong! Have you wondered why even in USA, black men prefer to marry white women. We know wether you mess up or they mess up, the man still get thrown under the bus. Does that not tell you something is wrong also with the black/African woman? Woman like you.

    Why do I have a feeling Ope is A Real Nigerian. This your points are very subjective but well it’s a woman’s world isn’t it?

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 10:12 pm

      Raised by African Women whose minds have been policed by the Patriarchy. Who are the authors and enablers of the Patriarchy? Men. African Men in this context.
      So you were saying?

  38. Mz_Danielz

    January 23, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    People, I think this article is about people being true to themselves and finding someone that shares their believes as well as being comfortable with being single if you don’t find what you’re looking for.

    I’m fairly comfortable but a man has to spoil me silly. I also can’t stand infidelity and disrespect. This is me. Everybody do you, these long arguments haff do.

    Just had a mental picture of chief and a real Nigerian getting married. We find love in funny places abi? And

    • LemmeRant

      January 23, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      Nope read it very well. This babe is just vexing because her boyfriend left her.

    • OJ

      January 23, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      ”I’m fairly comfortable but a man has to spoil me silly”/…..my sista, im sorry u are not prepared for marriage at all!!!, enjoy ur day dreaming

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 10:16 pm

      GOD FORBID BAD THING!!!!
      It is you that will marry Chief and subject yourself to infidelity, ignorance, incompatibility and irritating, beta, manlet behaviour.

  39. NastyWoman fomerly known as Sakura

    January 23, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    Dear ARN,

    I read through and liked every one of your comments
    I like you ARN.

    xoxo
    NastyWoman

    • A Real Nigerian

      January 23, 2017 at 10:21 pm

      Thnxxx ????

  40. PACE

    January 23, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    BN, funny you won’t post my comment sent over an hour ago

  41. traction

    January 23, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    @Mz Daniels,funnily enough,AReal Nigerian actually have a lot of ”suitors” coming for her on BN,they are Prince charming,Chief,John and madman. ..Prince charming is the most ”smitten”. he didn’t hear from her for a while and he started asking where she was….Love does happen….haha…

  42. Adah

    January 23, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    This post is only an opinion of one. In my opinion, I am married. I and my husband live abroad and I’ll say my husband is totally different from your description of “men”. Based on this, I think some men are really great and I am happier than when I was single. A man is himself, what he wants to be, his behavior is his. I hope you find the right man too if you haven’t yet.

    • Chief

      January 24, 2017 at 12:27 am

      Your husband is a simp.BTW he has no choice than to comply since he lives abroad.

  43. NaijaPikin

    January 23, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    The moral lesson from this is:

    Pretending to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. Most times you’ll end up unhappy/miserable and the pretense would be in vain.

    I very much disagree with this statement for obvious reasons. I’m 100% sure Asake has not met every African man.
    “Every African man of African parents no matter how many years he has spent abroad still carries that African man ego & mentality; this heavily influences the dynamics of his intimate relationships.”

    I am a feminist, because I want equality for all. And while it is easy to lash out on men who seem unsympathetic to the cause, I have to continually remind myself that feminism is not reverse discrimination against men.
    – Remember to address situations on a case by case basis. There are bad men and women out there just like there are good men and women.
    – Have discussions not fights. Communication is broken down during fights and no one hears anything. Civil discussions have the ability to teach, and allows the audience receive the message in its intended form.

    Note to naija men here. These are a few things my feminism is looking for:
    – Earn equal pay based on qualifications and deliverables, not what’s between my legs.
    – Process a name change and get a passport in naija without having to provide written or in person permission from a male (husband or father).
    – Enter into any social establishment in naija/book a hotel without needing a male companion to prove I am not an ashewo. (I swear this thing can really pain someone’s bone marrow to the core)
    – Live in peace after the death of my spouse or parent, and keep what is mine, not harassed and told only men inherit property.
    – Have equal opportunity to attend schools, not sidelined because society has said if resources are insufficient , males should be the ones going to school.
    – Have the right to speak on my behalf once I become an adult and I am of sound mind. No I don’t want to continue to be told you can only address my husband, or I am a woman I can’t understand.

    These are a few of the battles naija women face daily. These are a few things that have made us so angry and bitter and quick to lash out. You might not know about them because you have not experienced them, but today hopefully you have learnt about some of our struggles.

  44. loni

    January 23, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    I have lived abroad for more than half of my life after growing up in Nigeria. My experience with Americans (America Only)

    1. they still have bread-winners who are typically Male (Like African Men, most white men are providers with the female being a supporter

    2. In this society there are plenty opportunities for both men and women to empower themselves with an Education and great job prospects. So when you see women who provides or splits the bill 50/50, its mostly because they can and they are in a mutually beneficial relationship/marriage

    3. The authorities in this society have zero tolerance for treating any groups of people with disrespect and disdain. It has nothing to do with who is providing for the family. Simply put, you cannot be a nuisance and easily get away with it.

    4. We can learn a lot from the West on how to balance the male/female dynamics because anywhere in the world, men are still leaders , And being accommodating of another gender does not dull your star.

    5. Nigeria can do better as a nation in raising the male child. Many parents and institutions have dropped the ball on this one and we are paying for it dearly. We have a bunch of entitled liabilities and we cant do anything it seems.

  45. lol

    January 23, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    Ok, my own boo is different. He wants to be my baby!!! thats it o! He wants to be treated like the most important thing to me. lol! A manly Nigerian man for that matter. Hes perfect in every other way, even in his imperfections. So baby it is…

    • Arant nonsense

      January 24, 2017 at 12:17 am

      Why are you a fool?

    • Lol

      January 24, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      You need mental help. Ori e ti daru. Frustrated mad thing

  46. Chief

    January 23, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Your comment lacks research,relevancy and almost all your comments lack structure.We live in a country where men have always been mandated to go war.You want equality?Then act like it,then start giving men their due respect and treat us like the humans we are who are not created to be disposable so you can come online and bitch out patriarchy.And those men dying in sambisa forest to make sure that those chiboks girls are rescued .

    You are ungrateful misandrist with no reality based logic,You want African traditional gender roles to end.Misandry is in fact a very pervasive problem but the public has been blind to it for a long time.You have proven your thoroughly of factual evidence.Of course, this is really a man hating blog where you and your co disgruntled feminists spew hatred towards men.Your double standard and hatred for the male gender is clear,not only from your hateful comments..

    As a real man,either you exist in my circumference as a submissive,respectable,loyal woman or my energy will repel you to get away.If every real man had this mentality,women will have no choice but to exist in our world,the way we want them to exist.I have been saying this,Feminism is the cause of mass production of BETA males,we have to get rid of the evil system of feminism,so men can get out of that beta males mindset

    • Relp to Chief

      January 25, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Oga,

      Please what is paining you like this? It seems you have been turned down a lot by women and I can clearly see why. No woman with her ducks in a row will even give you a minute of her time.

      You need to understand that no gender is superior, but then again you come across as a bigoted brute so I will not waste my time.

      Nowhere in the article did she mention hate for men. On the contrary you are the one who has come here with all the bile of your sad situation of daily wet dreams about all the women you will never have, seeking

  47. public service announcement

    January 23, 2017 at 11:44 pm

    You all go and write this date down and bookmark this page, very soon, you will stop hearing /reading from A Real Nigerian…. Cos she will die soon.

    As you no get home training, someone must teach you from outside. You don’t have the sole discretion of abuse and abnormalities…. Watch it now, soon you will die! I mean it. I put it out to the world and speak it out… Incantations…………

    As for other feminist, you can shout, wait, write or weep till tomorrow. If you like use your head to walk in protest, learn and accept these basic truths

    1. Men and women are not and can never be equal.

    2. You can never assume the role of marrying us, we will. Be the ones to marry you, at our discretion.

    3. Very soon, it will be 14 ladies to one man. You can’t help it

    4. Your desire will always be on us. This is why you can’t do without writing about us everyday.

    5. You need us in your lives… If you like form hardness like olumo rock….

    6. We can cheat for all we care, we will get away with it. If you don’t like it, park to your father’s house. And if they born you well let us catch you cheating, your own Don be be dat. Deal with it you can do nothing about it.

    7. Where do you all get the saying Nigerian ladies are tired of your crap? Hehehe. Before nko, infact walk away yesterday sef not today. For every girl that walks away, there are 20 waiting to take her place… Who are better than you in all spheres. Atleast you have been used and dumped… hahahah

    7. Now you can continue the depression, pity party and what have you. Many of your mates are out there getting it right with men, girls who are not even your age mate Don born finish, their kids almost calling you by name.

    Who cares about all your silly complaint day in day out? It’s our world. Deal with it or get out of it.

    Ntor….. Get hypertension and boil on top of these comment….

    • Zeeebby

      January 24, 2017 at 10:02 am

      AND A WOMAN LABOURED TO BIRTH THIS ONE OH! HEY….I BET SHE TRAINED HIM THIS WAY OH WELL!

    • public service announcement

      January 24, 2017 at 10:34 am

      e yaf pain you
      hehehe

      This is what you want to hear na…running your mouth like tap

      Do men every write to change the females (your ways of life and your fakeness in every area:make up, fake hair, fake eye lashes, fake face, fake boobs, fake hands, fake complexion, fake butt, fake height with heels…yet men wont write or seek to change you the way you people talk about men daily)? You write everyday to change the men folk

  48. Chief

    January 24, 2017 at 12:02 am

    BN where is my comment? post my comment to disgruntled feminist @real Nigerian.Stop this f**kery of censoring comments

    • Tantrums

      January 24, 2017 at 11:51 am

      I smell a tantrum being thrown. You and ARN are alike but on opposing side. lol

  49. Marian

    January 24, 2017 at 12:09 am

    Comment don plenty on top this matter. Don’t compromise your value. It may seem that every Nigerian guy is rotten but that is untrue. My pastor is the one that does grocery shoppping and wakes up to make breakfast for his family because he’s a morning person and his wife has to leave the house very early and He has a doctoral degree!!

    I had to get marriage counseling from my pastor in yankee and another in Naija. I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the Naija pastor but he blew me away. 80% of the advice he gave us was for my husband and he even wanted us to spend a day at his house so my husband will see that he practices the advice he gave him.

    My point is if you hold this article to be true then you are bound to settle for less than you deserve or marry a non Nigerian thinking he will be different. Oyinbo guys dey use their wife do punching bag too and they definitely cheat. Many oyinbo ladies dey come ER with black eye and bruising from their husband. They have this channel in yankee about crime and a lot of them are oyinbo guys who murdered their wife to be with their mistress.

    I feel like a lot of Nigerian women are enablers. They say all guys cheat and go into marriage already ok with their husband cheating as long as he doesn’t flaunt it. Really? Please start setting the bar a little higher.

    A guy that never cooked a meal while yall are dating is not gonna turn into chef boyarde after marriage. A guy whose apartment is always messy before marriage is not gonna be picking up after himself when you marry him. A guy who cheats before marriage will not stop just because he’s now a married man. A guy who does not value your opinion before marriage is not going to be collaborating with you after marriage. A guy who slaps you around will not stop after marriage. Sometimes the signs are there and people just ignore them.
    I also know a guy who is the oga patapata of chameleons. He can be a church boy or whatever he needs to be to get with a lady. His end game is just fun and sex a so i know some guys can be be evil.

    There are good Nigerian guys out there though. Something that worked for me was studying the parents of the people i dated. It gives you more clue into the kinda person you are dating.

  50. Zeeebby

    January 24, 2017 at 9:59 am

    IT IS OUR TURN TO RAISE BETTER MEN……

  51. Taona

    January 24, 2017 at 10:10 am

    Kikikiki, so true, not just Nigerian men only, even brothers from my home country somewhere in Southern Africa lol

  52. Mawi

    January 24, 2017 at 11:14 am

    It’s funny. 95% of comments are from men trying to prove their superiority & women trying to bash men & their stupid, superior ways. No wahala. It’s quite entertaining really.
    But all I see are angry, insecure people trying to cast their frustrations towards the opposite sex via social media.
    MEN: You are NOT superior to women! You know this, but u wish to grasp onto it anyway hence u come here trying so hard to prove it. If indeed u are superior, why try so hard to make ur point?
    WOMEN: You are NOT inferior to any man! If any man believes u are, walk away biko! Why are u trying so hard to change his perception? You can’t! You decide how a man treats u. You own that power. As long as u have the CHOICE to relate with a misogynist or not, then u are free!
    There are many men who respect women! Some of them need u to correct their ways a bit, mostly because they’ve been raised wrongly but ultimately they do wish to respect u. That is the important thing to search for. When he respects you, u can influence slight changes here & there.
    So rather than being insultive which is really not productive, forgive those that have hurt u. Take responsibility for your choices & learn what is important to look out for.
    I have to say to Asake the writer, the first 2 scenarios do not seem so bad.
    The first guy didn’t have issues with your hair else he wouldn’t have dated u in the first place. His mom, just like the rest of ours is old school & he is worried she would dissaprove. Your own mum would probably disapprove if u brought a man with tattoos right? So what do u do? U ask him to cover it up when he meets her or take off his earrings. U should have suggested a wig atleast.

    2nd scenario: madam, u would be slightly put off too if u found out ur guy dated ur friend in the past. Haba! That has nothing to do with naija men, it’s universal , across genders. All u need do is explain & give him the chance to accept or take a walk. By the way, ur statement “…. slap u back to Umuahia” is wrong if u truly said it. I’m sure u would call that a potential domestic violence issue if the tables were turned.

  53. Observer

    January 24, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Asake you ain’t never lied. Some of our men, no matter how educated are still quite primitive in their thinking.

  54. Bosslady

    January 24, 2017 at 11:33 am

    Dear,
    Chase God instead of looking for the ‘right man’… And he’ll give you your man.

    Men are naturally egocentric.. A woman is naturally submissive.
    You attract who you are…Good attracts good, and otherwise.
    be a good lady, a good man will find you.

  55. Unicorn

    January 24, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    The question is who socialized the African man to be who he is? It is women, Men are socialized to be dominant and women are socialized to be docile and submissive in the African society.

    • Jay

      January 26, 2017 at 11:06 am

      Sorry it is not only women that socialize children dont they have fathers too?? Abi every1 here only had a single mum? Where were the men. Everything blame it on the womam.

  56. Nahum

    January 24, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Asake, this is such a lovely piece to read, very refreshing. You give me life girl!!

  57. Nnandat

    February 22, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    I’ve saved this article in my bookmarks. One of only very few truthful accounts about African men. Basically, the only ones that have the capacity to be truly different are second- or third-generation African men who have been born and bred in a ‘Western’ country of parents who were probably born and bred there anyway. They have to be pretty culturally diluted. Of course, there ARE some first-generation African men who don’t have the classic ego mentality but they are very rare and probably ostracised by men and women alike.

  58. dolapo

    May 20, 2017 at 9:05 am

    I jus wonder oh!

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