It was an intellectual conversation centered on that very course that we never understood. Imagine, the lecturer of this particular course would come to class and not teach, but would expect you to read up and do the explanations yourself. If it was not class presentation, it was series of assignments. If it was neither of the two, it was impromptu tests. That was what the whole discussion was all about – considering that examinations were around the corner, but somehow it switched to marriage.
I am still cracking my brain about how it managed to change gears and direction.
Ding! It is actually started when a ” toaster” of Sheneneh joined the conversation and he was telling the other guys present that she had refused to give him the green light. That was how one other guy, let’s call him (John Bosco ) took it upon himself and told Sheneneh’s toaster to take chill pills; because in next two years or so, Sheneneh would be the one on his matter. He even gave instances of how desperate girls stylishly call guys to register their availability. He added that Sheneneh would start by calling him casually saying :
”I just called to say hello! ” According to this guy, that was a signal from a woman who is available and desperate especially one who over time had played very hard to get but after weighing her options had to act fast to beat time.
Point taken. Really, so guys take it that a single woman calling them just to hola is indirectly pressing them for marriage. This might not be the same for every guy, though. My thoughts, henceforth… no more calls to guys unless it is very urgent.
So why did Sheneneh not jah this guy face. According to her, he did not appear serious. Any serious guy should be willing to cross the oceans, break barriers, kill lions or even do the unimaginable.
Okay, on a more serious note, you can always tell when someone is serious. It would show in their actions and behaviour. This guy in question looked like he was just wanted to ” test the microphone”. Do you ask a girl out by giving conditions? Do you ask a girl out with threats like you better say yes before I would change my mind and the likes.
Secondly, this guy in question was not her ideal kind of man. We heard that women should bring their high standards down. This guy was just too dishonest. That was a major flaw. He knew how to lie. His words were just sugar-coated. We have been warned as women to draw the line between sincere praise and flattery. This guy did the latter very well. It was written all over his face. He is a professional liar.
Thirdly, he had actually told Sheneneh that he was doing her a favour and she better give in before she gets to old for marriage. Hmm…. In fact that was the deal breaker. Why on earth would a guy think he is doing a woman a favour by marrying her? Is it because of the age factor? That really got me thinking. Why would any guy think he is doing woman a favour by marrying her?
If so, where is the place of love that is neither boastful nor conditional? l am sure it has been over emphasised that a woman virtually forfeits many things for the sake of the man she is marrying. She changes her name for the man. She carries his children for nine months and so on. A woman is a multiplier. what ever you give her is what she multiplies. Sometimes she forgoes her ambition to be a wife and mother. Managing the home is a full time business, and it takes someone who is good in multitasking and skilled, many women are professionals in this area.
The Holy Book also buttresses that the man who finds a wife obtains favour. The man is meant to be enriched by his wife and she is his crown. So where does the whole idea that I am doing you a favour if you marry me come from? Reversely, the woman is actually doing the man a favour, because she is the one that would bring him favour according to the Holy Book.
How about the man na man syndrome? This is when a woman has given up hope that she will ever get married so any man that shows up whether it Tom, Dick or Harry, she would hold tightly lest he might be the last. With societal pressures and the likes, a woman who is unsure of herself might just for the man na man syndrome . It is not easy particularly with the constant reminder of one’s biological clock ticking.
A man, who sees a woman as someone he married out of pity, can never be loving enough. Women need to nourished, protected and cherished. Will such a man claiming bragging rights do this to his woman, when he thinks he is doing the woman a favour by getting married to her? Personally, l don’t think women should marry out of fear, but love and on their own freewill and conviction.
Do you think it is good for a man to say he is doing a woman favour by marrying her?
Photo Credit: Nanditha Rao | Dreamstime.com