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Jasmine Howson-Wright: Is One Good Man So Hard to Find?

Foluke Jasmine Howson-Wright

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Let’s talk about this shall we?

Okay so on my drive to work one morning with an uncle of mine (amidst several other insightful discussions), I had a thought on this. Of course, with thinking, opinions are formed and basically I had a perception that I would like to get a few more thoughts on.

He was telling me how, if he had been told much earlier in his life that he would be closer to or, have quite a number of women around him, teaching them and empowering them, he would have laughed it off. According to him, he had always been a “guys guy” and if it wasn’t chilling with his guy/guys, technical work had him sold. Now he’s older and life has put him in the position to uplift people and surprisingly, more women (elderly and young). He concluded that life can be quite a surprise, and God knows it all, we don’t.

Something did strike me though (and this because I guess my mind had codedli observed certain situations to accommodate this new thought). Women, ladies, female folk, identify purposeful men and/or intelligent men (both morally and just generally positive) and want to stay close to them.

I am not one to generalise, so pardon me if the point I am yet to pass, comes across as a generalisation; however, I have noticed this too many times and in several situations, without even knowing my mind had taken account.

One man is all a lady may need around her. Just one man, and in whatever capacity (Friend, Lover, uncle, brother, father….whatever really), that’s level headed, adds some form of positive value or, reechoes that kind of consciousness. I AM NOT SAYING A WOMAN NEEDS ONE MAN TO SURVIVE OR EXIST (no one should NEED anyone but God for existence), but I have realized that women are very deliberate and conscious about any man in their life that they can learn from, look up to or, tap from somewhat, whether they admit it or not (again, pardon my generalization).

I told my uncle that because the energy he unconsciously sent out more often than not, either challenged them, inspired them or comforted them, they (both young, elderly and old) reached out to him. This is why he seems to be around more ladies than he’d ever had thought he would.

Now, I also have girlfriends (single or in a relationship) that have male paddies that they don’t joke with. They respect them, and I can tell.

My dad’s late, but I have also come to find in a few male friends of mine, that what they ‘give off’ makes me happy to be associated with them. Though our relationships are very platonic, I value, and want to be around these men. I told him (my uncle) that if more ladies losing their heads had just ONE man in their life, offering kind, wise and gentle inspiration, comforts them and even challenged them, slowly but affirmatively, we should have less ladies falling off the way.

Here’s why: a lot of women with misplaced identities seek validation and especially from a male figure (Lover, father, Uncle…). Even with independent women (holding their own, in control of themselves and always having something to offer). They know when they have a man of value in their lives and check it – they are close to them.  Call it understanding or equality, they know and wouldn’t be joking with those relationships.

In relationships, we (in this context; independent women), easily take care of ourselves, can hold our own and echo ‘equality’ but we know deep, deep within, we want/lookout for a partner  who inspires, comforts and challenges us – feels somehow like a father but gets the balance of lover and friend perfectly. Selfish it may seem, but that’s the thing, we have been created with such a beautiful vulnerability that with wisdom is gold and without it, becomes a joke.

Just Imagine. Imagine now, if more African parents paid attention; strict attention, to adding value in the lives of their male children growing up as much as they naturally do, the females (or even close to it), parents who reinstate moral values, intellectual know how, who accommodate a healthy level of sensitivity in their male children, whilst still grooming the ‘defending man’, ‘the strong man’, ‘the protector’, ‘the heir’. Imagine? Well I did that and let me summarize my minds picture.

If that became more feasible, I see a society where validation isn’t deceptive – meaning more ladies seeking validation by a male figure are not reduced, rather they can gain confidence and pride of worth. They would have more reason to ‘value up’ rather than compromise every other time.

I see a society where trust can be built.

I see a society where homes have a head and not ‘heads’ – because a disciplined man exists and holds his family, there will be no need for dictates, schedules and scripts. His family receives and is proud to be a part of the energy he gives off; one that though in charge, balances the mix of comfort, inspiration, challenge and LOVE, perfectly.

I see a society where friendships are beautiful and not biased.

I see a society where pride wouldn’t equal, pretence just because a woman has to point out she can also handle hers. Heck, with level headed men in the picture, there will be no pointing out required. No fear of being also, vulnerable.

I see a society where because he can be looked up to, he can inspire, he can comfort, he can challenge and because he is sensitive, he leads and he leads not in fear of losing the throne; he leads as a good man!

Like I said, this was my thought on my trip to work that morning. However, one building block never makes a house, so please do share your thoughts and opinion. I’d love to read.

Photo Credit: @yjpictures
MUA – @bb_artistry

Foluke is unconventional. She is a Lagosian and holds a BS.c in International law and Diplomacy. An actor, writer, blogger, and host with a little more tricks up her sleeve. She is an optimist who loves God, food, love, life and the arts (however it is expressed) but is most passionate about writing and expresses herself best through it. She blogs at www.jasminwryts.com.Email: [email protected] Instagram: @jasminwryts Twitter: @JasmineH_W

4 Comments

  1. EE

    February 14, 2017 at 11:27 pm

    Excellent piece.

    Disagree on “sensitivity” though, that’s for pussies, my opinion. Duty, stoicism those ought be male attributes. Sensitivity is a woman thing. Men should be hard.

    Well aware that hard things break, but then, that’s where family comes in, pick up the pieces, reforge it even harder. Differing pieces playing complementary roles.

    P.S any noticed innuendos in this comment were only intended after the fact.☺️☺️☺️

    • Foluke Jasmine Howson-Wright

      Foluke Jasmime Howson-wright

      February 17, 2017 at 9:07 am

      Thank you @EE.
      Appreciate your thought on this. Sensitivity though for me tilts more in the direction of responsiveness and some degree of ‘smart’, i think it’s also important for everyone (every male in this case) to posses certain levels of responsiveness and appreciation towards women and situations.

  2. Kayla

    February 15, 2017 at 7:49 am

    Dear Author,
    i believe this article was written for only me. i was afraid before that i felt this way about a certain type of people but thankful its normal.

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