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Titilola Edu: God Will Change My Husband Before He Kills Me

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“Leave me alone, Bayo” I screamed.

I ran to the veranda, afraid for my life. My husband was definitely going to kill me today. I should have left since. But my mother would have none of it.
“A woman must be patient” she said. “You must endure it all”.
“At the cost of my life? I had asked.
“Don’t worry Bayo won’t kill you, God will change him”.
I felt the whip on my back and I screamed again. “Bayo please”, I cried out.
He pushed me to the floor. His face devoid of emotion glaring at me as his hands took flight with the whip again. Each stroke worse than the former. The pain was unimaginable. I was bleeding. I could feel blood seeping through my fingers.
“Bayo please”. I begged again.
The whip descended again, this time landing on my head. I turned and saw our three years old daughter watching us from the living room.
“No”. I screamed.
“Mommy”, she whispered.
The whip still leaving their imprints on my body, I managed to pull the curtain leading to the veranda and blocked my daughter’s view.
I soon lost consciousness.

***
“Baby, are you okay? I slowly opened my eyes. My handsome husband was looking back at me. I was back on our Matrimonial bed.
“Oh Baby, look at you. You are all messed up, don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you”
Bayo is a doctor.
He never takes me to the hospital.
He ruins and fixes me.
It was a cycle.

“ I’m sorry I lost it, but why were you looking at my friend seductively at that party ehn? You know I don’t like it when you look at other men like that”

The same thing will happen a week from now. He would find another excuse to beat the hell out of me.
“Where’s my daughter? I whimpered.
He touched my face tenderly.
“Tolu is sleeping. I fed her already.”
He kissed my forehead then my lips.
‘I love you baby”, He whispered in my ears.

Slowly he got up, turned off the light in the room and I could hear his light steps as he descended the stairs.
Mother said God would change him. Another day has passed and I think I’m closer to death.

I know I should leave, if I was still in my right senses, I would pack my bags and leave but I wasn’t, so I turned and slept, accepting my fate.

Soon, God will change him.
God always keeps his promises.

Titilola is a Legal Practitioner, Entrepreneur, Introverted Extrovert, a freelance creative writer and a Rice&Stew Enthusiast. She blogs at https://gidigirlkronicles.wordpress.com. Follow @ttlawla on IG and @ttlurla on twitter.

49 Comments

  1. chik

    February 20, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    the last time he tried to hit me was like 10 yrs ago. he came close, I picked up a bottle and threatened him likewise with all meanness…. and that was it! 12 years married and HE HAS NEVER EVER THOUGHT of hitting me!
    morale of the story…if you can’t leave try to defend your self for once. I don’t get how a human being is hitting another and you are just there crying and begging! like wtf! self defence or survival is innate!…

    • Idomagirl

      February 20, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      I agree every woman should learn to defend herself – but it doesn’t work for every woman like it worked for you.
      Someone did something similar and her husband got angrier and beat her more viciously.
      The best form of self-defense remains walking away.

    • Addy

      February 20, 2017 at 9:51 pm

      Spot on!!!

    • Lanre

      February 21, 2017 at 11:46 am

      What if he tried to overpower you and somehow someone got fatally injured with the bottle? I understand at some point, when pushed to the wall, one would have to defend herself but I think it’s safer to leave than to wait till that time comes.

  2. Whalezy

    February 20, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

  3. Adeleke

    February 20, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    I still cannot imagine what can push a man to constantly beat on his wife, mother of his children.
    Must be some depraved, deranged, emotional issues affecting such men. No matter what the situation is, DO NOT HIT YOUR WIFE. When things get fiery between me and the wife, I walk away and play video games and then she brings her ass up in them tight shorts and start shaking her ass trying to distract a brother. Girl please like that’s gonna work, Eh, it always does.
    Love my wife

    • Chief

      February 20, 2017 at 9:43 pm

      @Adeleke…. Maybe you should tell them to stop use of others ways “to get to men” such with psychological abuse(e.g insults about the ability as a provider economically and sexually)When women are victims it’s because they initiated violence and the man then responds.You can’t aroused and provoke any man,even verbally or physically abuse a man and then being on the safe side because you are a woman.There’s a big epidemic of men being abused in society because it’s deemed socially unacceptable and like they aren’t real men if they complain or said something.That said, if women want equality or feel like they can hit a man without consequences then they have another thing coming.

      I feel like as a society we need to start discussing abuse/violence against men so that when a woman slaps or hits a man in public,people will stand up and say that’s wrong.However until that happens,woman who want to hit a man should expect that man to hit back like they would to any man that hits them(with reasonable force of course).That’s downside of equality,you can’t take all goods and leave the bad unfortunately.You get the good and bad with equality.Any wife who steps up to the husband be aware that will be consequences.

      Men are getting more disrespected nowadays.For thousand of years, to be called a man of the house was a high honor.We have to wonder what on earth has happened to our values and if we are becoming more disrespected.African culture where men are respected and appreciated are being replaced with western culture.A man is a dominant decision making character and must be respected.We demand obedience from our women.Traditionally and biblically women are asked to be submissive to their husbands.No real man will raise his hands on a submissive woman.The problem is that most women want to take away power from men…period

    • seyi

      February 20, 2017 at 11:11 pm

      Wow!!! Are you okay pls??? If a woman is not submissive she deserves to be beaten???? Are you really okay sir or ma? Smh at your statement!!!

    • californiabawlar

      February 20, 2017 at 11:35 pm

      Were alaso.

    • Ty

      February 20, 2017 at 11:46 pm

      Shut the he’ll up you ignorant pig

    • Yahoo

      February 21, 2017 at 12:01 am

      Confirm talk!, oro baba oro!, ??????????. There should be an equality act for this, any unprovoked attack from a woman(wife or mother in law or any woman) nah die. Except my dear mother. Nah me village idiot talk am.

    • Glory

      February 21, 2017 at 12:14 am

      I hate hearing people with such mentality like yours talk.

    • Nginga

      February 21, 2017 at 4:58 am

      My first time ever commenting on a post… @Chief… Do women reject you because of you pathetically minuscule genitals? This is the main question that crossed my mind while reading you ridicuolously idiotic comment.

    • What da....?

      February 21, 2017 at 6:39 am

      @Chief You are just an egoistic, foolish, untrained, excuse for a man!

    • tobi

      February 21, 2017 at 8:43 am

      brother , you know that scripture you quoted on wives being submissive. it is true and it takes a strong woman to submit. but may I draw your attention to some verses before this one, where it says “submit yourselves to one another”. so in some way, a man submits as well. doesn’t mean he becomes the woman but he does not allow his ego mess with his thinking. men who hit their wives are weak.

    • Guest

      February 21, 2017 at 10:00 am

      You sound like someone who would beat his wife

    • Kaike

      February 21, 2017 at 10:19 am

      It disgusts me when men actually remember the African or biblical way of how women should behave ( Submissive) ; do you care about the African Way that demands that women should be treated as fragile and the biblical way that says Husbands should love their wives just like Christ loved the church? (Unconditional Love “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us”). Have you ever forgiven your wife even before she offends you? then the next thing you think you can do is to beat and abuse her. Read your bible very well and study the African Culture you quoted, soon enough you’ll know how to treat a woman.

    • Nana

      February 21, 2017 at 10:20 am

      To be called a man was an honor, because history shows that men were sole PROVIDERS and PROTECTORS, people willing to die and fight for honor and family not the self entitled animals who have to remind you that they are men just cause they have a penis. It should be known that chimpanzees have penises too.

    • Bummite

      February 21, 2017 at 10:40 am

      @Chief…the next time you don’t submit to your boss at work, he ought to beat you up into a pulp. Let’s see you excuse him by saying it was your lack of submission, then your miserable speech may have some credibility.
      Irresponsible man

    • me to you

      February 21, 2017 at 12:16 pm

      the same bible says women be submissive to your husbands husbands love your wife as christ loves the church i guess u skipped that part abi? do you expect a woman to be submissive to a man who does not love her?

    • Idia

      February 21, 2017 at 2:38 pm

      The Bible also specifies in Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence…” going on to advise men in verse 25″Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up” reiterating in Colossians 3: 19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them”. While I agree no human being should provoke another, violence is NEVER an option even to an animal. It is one sided for you to quote that women ought to submit; Men ought to love, God loved the world and gave all for mankind, the bibles says you should also love as you would your own body… will you in rightness of mind beat yourself up? or deprive yourself of comfort? Sir/Madam please rethink your opinion for humanity sake.

    • Simisola

      February 22, 2017 at 6:08 am

      You really are thick in the head, I don’t think your mother raised you like this.

    • Mo

      February 22, 2017 at 12:43 pm

      I strongly disagree with what you said about women provoking men to trigger violence. Its not in all cases that this happens. And peradventure it happens, a man should never resort to violence even when provoked by a woman or man.

      There are better ways to reaction to situations than being violent. What if the violent act results into death? Think before you act as a being. Never let your emotions control your actions! Beating a woman does not denote or establish ones manliness. Violence from man or woman is no excuse.

    • bells

      February 21, 2017 at 8:46 am

      Adeleke, ride on jare. you are a real man.

    • Lee

      February 21, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      I do not approve of any man beating his wife. I have never beaten a woman in my life and i will never. I have a friend who is married to a troublesome and nagging wife. He has never beaten her and i know he won’t.

      What do you do when your wife lock you inside from the outside because you guys have a misunderstanding knowing fully well you have an important appointment to keep? What do you do when you wanna walk away and she stays in front of the door and request you kill her first before you have access to the door. You went to the room to sleep, she comes in and opened the blinds. you decide to watch movie in the sitting room, she switched the tv off. you picked your laptop to watch movie, she put on the sound system and increase the volume.

      Please what do you do if you have such woman?

    • Genius

      February 21, 2017 at 4:58 pm

      Tell your friends to drive that woman out of his house.. call her parents to come and collect abeg.

    • des

      February 28, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      i will give her the beating of her life for being irrationally stupid

  4. Idomagirl

    February 20, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    God will change him after he has killed you.

    • Anon

      February 20, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      More like prison will change him after he has killed you.

    • Chief

      February 21, 2017 at 1:07 am

      @Seyi….. how that pertains to my comment? I have noticed that with women,hypocrisy is just the tip of the iceberg.Why do women always constantly contradict yourselves?(which is form of hypocrisy)When a woman raises her hand to a man,she’s no longer a woman.If you swing on a man,you better be ready to fight like one because he’s more than likely to knock you.If you slap him first,be ready to receive his punch since you want equality,right? women want equal right but only when it benefits them.women can’t have both ways.

      @Adeleke….You simps have become the foot soldiers of women right.You White knights are physical enforcers of gynocentrism and you try to conditioned real men by shaming them in line with gynocentrism.You should be ashamed of yourself that you allowed yourself to be wussified by women.I noticed women and simps go hand in hand.

      BTW it doesn’t surprise me that the few real “ALPHA” men like me who still want to challenge all this nonsense are labelled misogynist..

    • Dunni

      February 21, 2017 at 3:59 am

      Actually, you’re labeled a misogynist because you think: “Traditionally and biblically women are asked to be submissive to their husbands.No real man will raise his hands on a submissive woman.The problem is that most women want to take away power from men…period”

      Submission, as a biblical & spiritual concept is a woman submitting to a man who submits onto the Lord. It is not a woman submitting to a man, just because he is a man and is the “head”. A man who submits onto the Lord is not going to treat his wife poorly. If he is submitting onto the Lord, he will love her the way Christ loves the church.

      Domestic abuse is wrong when it’s a man beating a woman and when a woman is beating a man – period. However, it is well known that husbands beating wives in African culture is very prevalent. There is no excuse – ever. What kind of a man are you to be provoked by a woman’s words? While it is not right or excusable for a woman (or a man) to belittle their spouse, it is not an to be beaten.

      “We demand obedience from our women.” Sir – the only thing you can demand obedience from is a dog. And even then, it’s not guaranteed. The issue is not the women who are now beating their husbands. The issue is and always has been men like you with fragile egos, deep rooted insecurity, and a misplaced sense of what it is to be a “man”.

    • bells

      February 21, 2017 at 8:45 am

      chief you need help spiritually. I respect Adeleke for walking away and I respect his wife for giving herself to him as a peace offering. that’s what marriage is….men like you needs to be schooled in tolerance otherwise you will end up divorced 40 times before age 40….mchewwww

    • Adeleke

      February 21, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      Sorry o bros, I wonder why you have twice referred to me. Dude, I don’t even know you so please do not refer to me again. You think I have never been provoked before by my wife? Or because I walked away I am now a wuss??? F you and kiss my ass. Please o people in the house, tell this scum to go and cut a switch. idiot oshi, so I beat the woman and when I finally kill her I go to jail? and destroy my children’s lives?
      I cannot wait to read in the news when your ass is thrown in jail for abuse.

    • namebedis

      February 22, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      @ Chief, If person like me marry you, i for don dey think of how to kill you from day one wey you touch me.. i’m sorry. Thats just the way i’m wired. I think men who beat their wives deserve death. I can never forgive an uncle of mine for killing his wife. everyone is “hush hush”about it but we all know the truth. and for some reason, I have never forgotten. I see him in every man that beats a woman. and I start to feel like the woman will die sooner or later and leave her kids behind. Note that I am related to this man o. not the woman but the pain i feel to this day is unbelievable. Sad thing is , she was an only child. God help the man that touches my siblings and i find out… you go sabi say power pass power. You will tell me if you are on the same list as Dangote or tyson beckford abi wetin dem call am. or if you can give birth to her. fight your mate, people like you cannot. Just touch my sibling.I will make sure you are beaten to a pulp and it will be taped so that the day you open that your stupid mouth, the world will see your weakness….. I pity for the woman wey go marry you… Datzall.

  5. Vee

    February 20, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    You better defend yourself, LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or you die.
    My sister never left, until her hair was pulled out and she lost her kids to that Idiot. LEAVE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Chief

      February 21, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      @Adeleke Shut up! you are a small boy!! listen!!Where did i say that men should beat their wives?You are a poor deluded simp grabbed by feminism.Feminism exist in the dictionary of weak men like you.You are an insecure beta male looking for women’s validations.

      BTW why am i replying a white knight like you? Don’t ever try to respond to me because i will not reply again and also i don’t talk to manginas.

    • adeleke

      February 21, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      hehehehe Jobless fool

  6. Get your eye test done today

    February 20, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    Please, madam do whatever you please! I feel sorry for that 3 year old you guys are destroying slowly but surely!

  7. that uptown girl

    February 20, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    Is this the point where we beg you to leave? Stay there and die na. He will remarry in a few years and the new wife will probably maltreat your kids.

  8. Yahoo

    February 20, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    I still maintain marriage is a beautiful thing, next to none. Obviously, the guy is a bad choice but most times(not sure tho) they’re always signs of abuse or abusive tendencies before marriage. It’s heartrenching and painful, but the answer is picking urself up no matter how sad and blue you’re, give urself time to heal and give it a try again my love. Exit the marriage ASAP, without giving a tiny eff, irrespective of ur present predicament u can still be happily married. Many women(mortals) have done it and you’re not an expection.

    Oya!, expect some bastard & lunatic antics from Californiabawler and her “genital must rot” gang. Queen of gutter tendencies and her fellow imeh ?gang. Awon shyte!

  9. Hmmm

    February 20, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    Cray cray

  10. Murewa

    February 21, 2017 at 12:36 am

    Wow! I am seriously touched by this one, I could practically feel as this man whipped his wife. May our women have the strength to break free from all forms of abuse that they may be subjected to

  11. Bigzoum

    February 21, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    indeed God is going to save you pretty soon so You need to do not watch any of his friends also changing your behaviour……………………………….. he teaches you how he wants you being a right lady either

  12. nene sam

    February 21, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    try that dv wiv me n c if u’ll ever raise that stick called hand up again……miserable mofos….waiting to unleash the devil in them on top their wives matter.I swear,he will definitely collect……Women in such situations should basically learn to defend themselves or at least report to agencies in charge such as anti violence ,law,human right agencies or even religious organizations.Tell someone,don’t hide in shame..dv kills n is still killing.Think about ur lovely children,what will be their fate once u die?Or u think they’ll be well catered for by relations or even a step parent. Stand up,step up ,be strong!!!!

  13. Ewa Ali

    February 21, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    @Adeleke, do you have a single older brother??

    • Adeleke

      February 21, 2017 at 11:52 pm

      No uh baby I’m the first child. My younger brother is single tho, dunno how old you are

    • mimi

      February 22, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      i’m 24! loolll

  14. Lohkat

    February 22, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    @Chief, I really don’t know why you are always at the left side when everyone is at the right side. I pray you don’t miss rapture oo. SMH! Your level of thinking makes me want to ask who gave you a phone sef.
    I know your type, the type that will be washing his woman’s pants and then will come online and be forming James Bond. Mind ya sef!

  15. dami

    February 24, 2017 at 9:10 am

    Christianity is paramount. That is why we need to be care and sire than our marriage is Godly. There’s no way you’d marry a God fearing man and He mistreats you like that. The Bible did said that,husbands, love your wifes(you can not maltreat or beat a lady you love, for the love of God)…. And wife’s respect your husband(that is the thing we unknowingly give to our boss at work,we can give more to our man…but it’s easier to give him when you’re conscious that he is a man after God’s heart..he’s a representative of God in that family,in your home). We all need understanding…. Even if we have the best of widoms. Prayer is the master key.

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