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Soul Prince: What Does Body Count Have to Do with Anything?

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I remember discussing with my good friend last year about his past relationship. On account of his new job and my grad school classes, we hadn’t hung out for months. After about ten minutes of catching up over FIFA 2014, he let me know he’d broken up with Rachel, his girlfriend of 4 years.

Apparently they had “the talk”. You know the one – the “so where exactly are we going” talk. I couldn’t say I was altogether shocked upon learning this. Of course, the fact she wasn’t a Naija girl was eventually going to be an issue. My friend is open-minded, but even he knows that it can be challenging getting married to someone from a completely different culture. The truth is, I’m not sure I could marry a non-Nigerian myself.

Then we started talking about what it is we are looking for in a wife. You know the drill: caramel skin, figure eight body and intelligence to match. Nothing wrong with dreaming! Then right in the middle of discussing exact measurements, my friend mentioned he wouldn’t want to marry a virgin. Naturally my first reaction was to assume he misspoke. I asked him again. He repeated his answer. But why? No reason. It’s just what he preferred. That just sounded weird to me. Why would any sane man turn down a virgin for a seasoned pro? Why, indeed?

Then I started thinking about it. Why exactly did I want to marry a virgin? Perhaps it goes without saying; I grew up in a religious household. This meant that not only was I supposed to marry a virgin; I was supposed to be a virgin too. If this meant for an awkward wedding night, then so be it! But even in secondary school, I remember how boys would detail plans to knack their way through university and settle down with a virgin when ready for marriage.

What this told me was that marrying a virgin was a worthy goal for a guy to have. But again, why? Not that I’m not satisfied accepting that, maybe that’s just the way it is. It just seems that whenever this topic came up in any of our mixed hangouts, girls would object to this “double standard”. Why should a guy care about a girl’s sexual past after he has “sown his wild oats”? Why is it only girls that should be responsible for “locking up”? Besides girls don’t hold guys to that same standard, right?

But maybe double standards exist for a reason. Obviously we are living in different times than the ones our parents did, but our nature is our nature. Maybe girls are held to a higher standard because, of the two genders, they are the choosers. There is the assumption that girls should be used to turning down offers for sex.

There is also the “key and lock” principle. You know the one. A key that can unlock different locks is the master key; whereas the lock that is opened with different keys is useless.

There is also the possibility of dishonesty. Like Chris Rock once said, if you ask a woman how many men she’s been with she’ll just tell you how many men she was in a relationship with. So maybe just be happy you’re with her right now.

Besides, are girls even attracted to guys with no sexual pasts? It does seem that in the dating market, the guys that get the most attention from girls are either attached or have the “player” reputations.

What do you think? Should one’s sexual past be relevant to their partner? Why or why not? Is there a double standard in effect?

Photo Credit: Kiosea39 | Dreamstime.com

Soul Prince is a young romantic with simple tastes. When he isn't writing for work or watching sitcoms, he's listening to old school music like Marvin Gaye, Mchael Jackson and Stevie Wonder.

38 Comments

  1. Teris

    March 9, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    Well, double standard or no, my advice to fellas is virgins-at-25 is probably really scarce these days so brothers had better just get with the program.
    And to the sistas touring the discovery room, protect ur “inner goddess” cos that place is hopping with frogs trying to find an in.

    • Amaka

      March 9, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Sometimes it is really about people feeling they don’t deserve something good because they have been bad themselves. A guy once told me he didn’t think he deserved me. I am happy I am not married to him today, maybe I would have been miserable chasing after him and sending other women away.
      What strength will I then have left to live a fulfilled life. I am personally strong minded when it comes to sexually matters notwithstanding popular opinion. I will always advocate chastity. Just because people don’t write STD’S on their faces does not mean that they are not struggling with it. As for me by the grace of the living God, the children God has given both boys and girls will remain virgins and meet the will of God for their lives. May they not meet the wrong people. I stand by chastity firmly and boldly. It pays.

  2. Zara

    March 9, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    I remember an episode of Sex in the City when Samantha my favourite character was asked by her obgyn doctor how many sexual partners she has slept with – she asked the doctor “THIS YEAR?????? 🙂 🙂 🙂

    youtube.com/watch?v=qDXcJ92TJDE

  3. Toni

    March 9, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    My reaction to this article is FOH with that BS I’m sorry but you need to get with the program. That a girl is not a virgin doesn’t mean she is bad also that a girl is a virgin doesn’t make her a saint. How about you marry someone you love and forget about ridiculous societal impositions? How bou da? ?

    • Haba!

      March 9, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      You Obviously dint read the article, did u?

    • kwinny

      March 10, 2017 at 4:15 pm

      ….read half way. I too, was tempted to stop reading

  4. Tgirl

    March 9, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    When I was a virgin I was always sucking peoples D and I would always receive it from the back! I partied like no tomorrow and got drunk like my whole existence depended on it , yet when people ask me how many people have you slept with my answer remains zero! ” I’m a virgin” technically I am… but I knew I was a badddo!

    • Alright

      March 9, 2017 at 8:20 pm

      Your story your perception. Don’t try to generalize and trivalise a high body count.

    • Olu

      March 9, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      Oh damn!

    • Corolla

      March 9, 2017 at 9:31 pm

      @Tgirl, Damn diggity damn!

    • Seriously

      March 9, 2017 at 11:50 pm

      Damn. Confession time. If we all lay out our dark secrets, everyone jaws will drop full of surprises and shock. We are all guilty of one thing or the other.
      Another thing is the body count easily adds up for women, imagine the number of men that approach you and try to be nice to all of them.!it can simply start from a guy offering to give you a ride or giving a compliment about how you look. To asking him for help. If you are on the dating scene it’s easy to become trapped. The only way to avoid body counts from piling up is if you adamantly, intentionally not befriend guys and hang out with them as much.

    • Jay

      March 10, 2017 at 1:09 am

      Tgirl, speak for yourself. While I agree with other commenters that being a Virgin doesn’t automatically make you a saint, that you sucked d and took it from the back doesn’t mean that all Virgins are like you or behaved like you. Just so you know, taking it from the back didn’t mean you were still a virgin then – let’s be clear. The virgin vs non virgin talk annoys me. If one wants to be a Virgin, fine. If you don’t want to, good luck to you. I hate it when people make stupid comments like who virgin epp, it’s just like saying who non-virgin epp? If one is proud of their decision not to be a virgin, the person won’t always compare themselves to Virgins, or visa versa. Smh.

    • tgirl

      March 10, 2017 at 4:44 am

      mr jayz.. i was talking about myself and my own experience! i sure didn’t generalize or include anyone’s name. Body count still on a 1 tho…

    • Susan

      March 11, 2017 at 2:00 am

      Madam tgirl, if you were taking it from behind, your body count is not one.

    • Nkechi

      March 10, 2017 at 1:30 am

      The devil is out to discredit what is honourable before God. Jesus is coming soon.

    • EE

      March 10, 2017 at 5:46 am

      You know must of us watch Family Guy too right.

      Did you also take it in the ear??

    • tunmi

      March 10, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      you’re not serious @EE

      But seriously tho….

    • Ifybaby

      March 10, 2017 at 8:51 am

      I am sorry to burst your bubbles, but you were not a virgin if you received it from the back or mouth. Se’x is Se’x, (Oral, anal etc) but the fact that you are not ashamed is a good thing. Because one’s body count shouldn’t matter whether you are a girl or a boy. Women are just as sexual as men, do not get it twisted.

    • kwinny

      March 10, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      is it sweet? from the back, I mean.

    • Joy

      March 11, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      @susan wat if she was taking it from the back from one person?? Dats one ma

  5. Tgirl

    March 9, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    So who body count epp????

    • #Proudnigerian

      March 9, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      E epp some of us.??

  6. Odufa

    March 9, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    A good woman is all that matters. Even prostitutes get married and make good homes.

    • EE

      March 10, 2017 at 5:43 am

      There is a reason ‘Pretty Woman’ didn’t have a sequel.’

    • sunshine

      March 10, 2017 at 10:13 am

      Lolz EE you’re vicious.

    • kwinny

      March 10, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      true. I have seen two women like that.

  7. #Proudnigerian

    March 9, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    Please if you are a virgin tie your legs together and continue to pretend to be a mermaid till you find HIM. One guy kept telling me he will never marry a virgin while I was in school hinting me to give him the cookie. I said ok oo oga come and be going. They think by threatening not to marry a Virgin you wee just open legs like that. Marriage is more than virginity it’s a commitment! if a man says he will marry you because you are a Virgin or because you are not it is not a substancial reason to marry you! But then again do not make virginity sound or feel like a burden……………………….. Pastor Paul will say You cannot have the Prince( Jesus) without the principle but you can have the principle without the prince. Hence being a Virgin does mean you are righteous.

    • kwinny

      March 10, 2017 at 4:21 pm

      I’m not sure I read your last statement well. Typo?? You’re virgin means that you’re righteous??? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

  8. Lorenz

    March 9, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    Whether you marry a virgin or not, it doesn’t guarantee you anything. A virgin might feel the need to explore with other men besides you, a seasoned pro might never want to stop exploring-married or not married. Some people just have a tendency to be randy, and virgins may be randy too if they eventually know what it tastes like.
    I have a bias for getting married to a non virgin though, the fear of disappointment would be just too great if I did marry a virgin. Personally I believe most people would be curious, too curious.
    Besides who says the person to be worried about is the woman and not we ourselves.

  9. Vera

    March 9, 2017 at 8:19 pm

    There are different kinds of virgins. Which one are you asking about? Vaginal, anal, oral or the masturbating ones? Hiss! You are not ready to love or marry that is why virginity is a thing to you. Besides this supposed scarcity of virgins is a lie! They are every where depending on what virginity you subscribe to. A man who places value on something as valueless and as useless to mankind as virginity or the lack there off is somebody I would never like or even love but that’s not to say other people don’t value uselessness and to be honest, it is their right. This idea of virginity which is almost always exclusive to females is rooted in patriarchy at its finest.

    Anybody that would want to be with you would, virgin or not. Truthfully speaking, virginity has no bearing on the success of a union or relationship. Whether you are one or not does not make your relationship any better or not. I would know because I was a virgin and I had the most unfulling relationships which didn’t lead me anyway. Any partner that demands their partner be a certain way before they can love them should swerve with their conditional love. Like I said, this virginity thing is in a spectrum. There are the 10s that have never engaged in any sexual activity of any sort whether be it kissing or fingering which is their own cup of tea really and rather unfortunate that they suppress basic biological urges and needs for who really cares? While there are the 1s who you know *wink wink* are masturbating, fingering, giving head and receiving, collecting from the back and even putting just the tip, lmao!All na virgin! I can only understand if you want a virgin because you are a virgin yourself, otherwise every other thing is nonsensical.

    Mature, experienced individuals would know this thing(virginity) is irrelevant. It does noy stop douchery or increase love or bond in any relationship in the long run.

    • me to you

      March 10, 2017 at 11:54 am

      why are you like this is vile comments like this that makes people who are a shadow and hide away. if you are not then thats fine but dont use words like this to disrespect one who is. everyone has a right to choose. if being a virgin is irrelevant to you (as you are a proclaimed mature mind) its not to some people and trust me there are people who are impressed that people are still one. haba the fact you let the cookie out does not mean you should speak ill about people who decide not to respect peoples decisions pls.

    • Susan

      March 11, 2017 at 1:59 am

      Vera, if you truly didn’t care about virginity; you wouldn’t have bothered with your dissertation. I find it funny how non-virgins are always slandering virgins and are always trying to find ways to mention how being a virgin is nothing. If it were the virgins doing otherwise; y’all will play the victim(s). Do you, let people do them! I

  10. Spunky

    March 9, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    Here we go again…

  11. Emmy

    March 9, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    You never win with society. Do you? Remain a virgin so someone would marry you. Lose you virginity so someone would find you desirable.
    When you meet someone you love, you’re compatible with and all that good stuff, pls don’t marry her because she IS a virgin. And of course when you find the one you love, you’re compatible with, pls do not marry her because she ISN’T a virgin. Total BS!

    @ Tgirl, come up with a better tale.

  12. EE

    March 10, 2017 at 5:38 am

    “What do you think? ”
    Everybody taking the stickied survey to the right, please do me a favour and mention how useful an edit button’d be.

    “Should one’s sexual past be relevant to their partner?”
    Definitely,

    “Why or why not?”
    Why its a signal we use in determining the value of our partners. A woman with a high body count is low value. Keeping it short:

    1. It indicates a general lack of self-control. Lacking self-control is a bad thing.
    2. Stats show, the higher the body count, the higher the risk of divorce. Divorce is generally a bad thing.
    3. The life-style often associated with high body counts compounds. Paying the healthcare costs for her youthful plowing lifestyle, which you didn’t enjoy in its prime, is a bad thing.
    4. It just shows a general lack of productivity. In my admittedly limited experience, high body counts and smarts/accomplishment have always been on opposite ends of the line. Being yoked to a dumb/lazy person forever is a bad thing.
    5. It signals………issues. Either she left all those guys because she was a bad judge of character or they all left because she’s crazy!. Being hitched to a crazy person, clearly a bad thing. To be fair, it could be that she just wanted to have fun in her youth. In which case why should you now be her ticket to respectability and stability in her old age. That’d be stupid, especially when there is much higher value to be found around.

    etc

    “Is there a double standard in effect?”

    Yup. Men and women tend to value different things. Most women (if you don’t, indicate) want socially dominant men, men on the other hand, want their children to be theirs, not to mention wanting to avoid the dent to their social image if word gets out that another man was banging their wife.

    Socially dominant men tend to be players in their youth, women likely to not hand you bastards, tend opposite. Now our ancestors crafted an ideal way to reconcile these, but you know wars are scarce these days and women wanted “freedom”.

  13. Abominable snow girl

    March 10, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    Wow, @EE, do you lecture? ?Articulate much…
    Life isn’t fair, there isn’t even a way to prove a Man is a virgin.

  14. Yummychickcummummy

    March 11, 2017 at 7:10 am

    Ur body , ur problem

  15. purplieciousbabe

    March 13, 2017 at 1:42 pm

    I think virgins should be PROUD of their choice.
    Whilst I understand our society does not place value on being a virgin anymore it is perfectly normal if you are alright!
    Nobody should feel pressure.to engage in sexual acts they are not comfortable in
    At the end of the day, its the character and what is brought to the table that counts.
    I hate to think choosing to abstain is now a bad thing?

    I think its totally unfair for anyone to put virgins in a box.

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