I remember discussing with my good friend last year about his past relationship. On account of his new job and my grad school classes, we hadn’t hung out for months. After about ten minutes of catching up over FIFA 2014, he let me know he’d broken up with Rachel, his girlfriend of 4 years.
Apparently they had “the talk”. You know the one – the “so where exactly are we going” talk. I couldn’t say I was altogether shocked upon learning this. Of course, the fact she wasn’t a Naija girl was eventually going to be an issue. My friend is open-minded, but even he knows that it can be challenging getting married to someone from a completely different culture. The truth is, I’m not sure I could marry a non-Nigerian myself.
Then we started talking about what it is we are looking for in a wife. You know the drill: caramel skin, figure eight body and intelligence to match. Nothing wrong with dreaming! Then right in the middle of discussing exact measurements, my friend mentioned he wouldn’t want to marry a virgin. Naturally my first reaction was to assume he misspoke. I asked him again. He repeated his answer. But why? No reason. It’s just what he preferred. That just sounded weird to me. Why would any sane man turn down a virgin for a seasoned pro? Why, indeed?
Then I started thinking about it. Why exactly did I want to marry a virgin? Perhaps it goes without saying; I grew up in a religious household. This meant that not only was I supposed to marry a virgin; I was supposed to be a virgin too. If this meant for an awkward wedding night, then so be it! But even in secondary school, I remember how boys would detail plans to knack their way through university and settle down with a virgin when ready for marriage.
What this told me was that marrying a virgin was a worthy goal for a guy to have. But again, why? Not that I’m not satisfied accepting that, maybe that’s just the way it is. It just seems that whenever this topic came up in any of our mixed hangouts, girls would object to this “double standard”. Why should a guy care about a girl’s sexual past after he has “sown his wild oats”? Why is it only girls that should be responsible for “locking up”? Besides girls don’t hold guys to that same standard, right?
But maybe double standards exist for a reason. Obviously we are living in different times than the ones our parents did, but our nature is our nature. Maybe girls are held to a higher standard because, of the two genders, they are the choosers. There is the assumption that girls should be used to turning down offers for sex.
There is also the “key and lock” principle. You know the one. A key that can unlock different locks is the master key; whereas the lock that is opened with different keys is useless.
There is also the possibility of dishonesty. Like Chris Rock once said, if you ask a woman how many men she’s been with she’ll just tell you how many men she was in a relationship with. So maybe just be happy you’re with her right now.
Besides, are girls even attracted to guys with no sexual pasts? It does seem that in the dating market, the guys that get the most attention from girls are either attached or have the “player” reputations.
What do you think? Should one’s sexual past be relevant to their partner? Why or why not? Is there a double standard in effect?
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